>Bitch coming over to "have me cook for her" >Turn

>>40048083
hahahaha

you're getting there

>>40048083
You are literally me

>>40048083
use the system (D.E.N.N.I.S)

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thanks for the laugh anon.

Should have learned how to cook a normal meal and she'd have been all over you man.

>>40048083
Pasta. Easy as fuck and no one complains except the "gluten-free" retards.
If you're using jar sauce dump it in a pot and simmer it to make it seem like you're actually doing something.

>Falling for: muh wife/mommy will cook for me meme
Any "man" who can't cook for himself at 18 is destined to cuckoldry

Learn how to make pizza

It's not that hard, impresses people because they think it is, and is kind of an activity

>>40048354
This.
If you don't even know how to cook eggs any style, it's a bad sign.

>>40048429
i know how to cook you'r mom's eggs

with my DICK

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>>40048083
just text her and tell her that you love her

she might come back

>>40048525
Don't forget to be polite and say please come back

>>40048426
>Learn how to make pizza
This.

The ingredients are cheap, even if you spend extra on nice ingredients. You can actually pick up ready made dough for really cheap. Once you learn how to roll the crust, everything is as easy as tossing in the ingredients.

You'll never buy a pizza from the Hut or Dominos.

>>40048537
anon could maybe say "please return"

>>40048548
If you don't make your own dough then its not really making pizza to me.

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>>40048575
>If you don't make your own dough then its not really making pizza to me
*grabs by throat*

Back the fuck off!?

>tupperware dinner for a date

This is why I go on /fit/, I feel a little down about my spergyness and get a pick me up

You're supposed to spill your drink on her, then offer her on of your xl stringers as a temporary replacment.

/fit/: Where the guys are great chefs, lift tons, have tons of friends, all have tons of sex or steady girlfriends, and are all engineers/programmers making 100k a year

>>40048595
Just teleport behind me. Maybe you'll learn how to mix sugar flour salt yeast and oil

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Hahahaha holy shit. I just bacon wrapped and slow cooked a deer heart last weekend for a date and it went great. Got called a "real man"
Pic related is the deer

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>>40048478

>>40048643

You're looking at this the wrong way

you saw a post by a great chef, another by a guy who is strong as fuck, another buy a charismatic dude with lots of friends, another posted by a creepy PUA who regularly slays, and found a post by a programmer who makes 100k a year, then you somehow arrived at the conclusion that these are all the same person

>>40048653
nothing personal, kid

>>40048653
*smirks and flicks cigarette*

Heh, I don't have time for this shit

>>40048706
Got a light?

>>40048767

*turns on laser and points it at your face*

yeah. right here

*shoots laser through your head*

heh.

>>40048790
I turn opaque

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>>40048665
It's called anecdotal evidence. If you want to see that type of bullshit taken to the extreme, visit /pol/. If you find you agree with the prevailing opinions on /pol/, then boom--you're looking at a great opportunity to reconsider your worldview.

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>>40048767
Totes magotes broski

>>40048854

There is plenty of anecdotal evidence here to suggest that your average /fit/izen is a short, bald, virgin who lifts 60 lbs. and lives with his mom, as well

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>>40048663

>bacon wrapped

I want this meme to die, but it sounds like you had fun on a weekend I spent by myself so we'll call it a draw.

>>40048868
That's the thing about anecdotal evidence, baby. It's everywhere you look.

>>40048888
Really? I find it helps enhance game meat flavors and keeps some moisture in when baking and slow cooking. Ive never gone to a culinary school but ive been cooking for myself since i was about 13

>>40048888
Also sweet quads and sorry you spent it alone anon

Why would you agree to this if you don't know how to cook

>>40048354
This man speaks da tru tru
Can't tell you how many times bitches get juicy when I offer to cook them something fancy.

Good lul OP. I want to believe.

>>40048990
something fancy like what?

>>40048916
This is a great quote and I hope I remember it to use it in conversation teebeeh fAm

>>40048083
Me except I can actually cook and get the girls

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>>40048888
You realize that bacon wrapping is a common practice for pieces of meat that don't have much flavor and/or much fat to keep it moist, right?
>pic related

>>40049072
I'm sure the amount of salt that most bacon has simply from the curing process make a bit of difference too

>>40048083
You went hot when you should have went cold. Suggest a movie, throw a blanket on, tell her to get close, and then go from there hombre.

Or use the same thing again but warn she shouldn't leave because of the implication...

>>40048083
>>I don't actually know how to cook
>>Heat up my plastic tupperware with chicken rice and broccoli and dump it on a plate

All you had to do was cook the chicken broccoli and rice in front of her you sperg. Also, like 76 degrees will get her down to a tanktop. What is she going to think if she sees the thermostat and its set to 88?

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>>40048790
*holds up immaculately polished katana reflecting the laser beam into your eyes, blinding you*

*teleports behind*

>heh... nothing personnel... kid

*performs the hidden katana art of boku san ryu which has no known counter*

>another day another victim

>>40049762
its a hologram

>>40049774
>pssh... you think i was aiming for the hologram?

*ceiling above you collapses burying you alive*

>>40048663
Is that dog ok?

>>40048333
She will know you're not actually cooking.

>>40049884
No its dead, didnt do enough cardio so i put it down

>>40048083

Why didn't you have sex with her?

A girl comes over shes given herself over to you symboliclly.

All you gotta do is take whats yours.

After a greeting and small chat look her in the eye, grab the back of her head and pull your faces to gether.

Or push her up against a wall or whatever.

>>40050600
Probably because you're an autistic virgin

>>40050600
I'd say as soon as she walked in the door he should have forced her down on her knees and slapped his cock all over her face to establish dominance

>heating up plastic

>she comes over
>invite her to sit down
>have table made in advance
>whip out dick on her plate and say "tonight's big sausage night"

Works every time

>>40048525
Spoken like a true cuck

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>>40051626

>>40048663
>20161127

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Thanks for the laugh

>>40048575
Shut up loser

>>40051703
oh shit another bullshit post on 4chin, how can we recover from this ?!?!?

>>40048643
Hey I am a programmer making over 100k with a gf and a bunch of friends. Can't cook for shit though. I don't understand foodies, why not just drink a protein shake and then do anything more interesting than eating?

why didnt you even make an effort to buy stuff to cook or look up a recipe? you literally served her leftovers.

>>40048665
But those are all me.

>>40049785
*moves so fast that my aferimage becomes sentient and fights u*

"Heh, not that easy"

*Shoots schools*

"Nothing personnel, kids."

>>40049006
Mac and cheese with julienned hotdogs and a garnish of Tostitos.

how do i learn to cook? plz respond

everything takes me forever and having a fridge with fresh ingredients is hard

>>40052040
Just use Blue Apron.

>>40048595
I fucking love these references

>>40052040
ask your mom for recipes and make her show it to you

>>40052089
how does it compare to chef's plate?

>>40048083
not fucking /fit/ related, fuck off

>>40048083
She meant
>she's wanted you to have cock for her

You stupid autist - I feel for ya brah,

>>40048333

Don't cook fucking pasta for a date lmao

>>40052354
What if you make the pasta from scratch

>>40048663
you're making jerky right?

>>40049072
why does everyone's filet mignon over an inch thick?

>>40051585
this desu Tbh

>>40048478
Dad?

>>40051703
>not knowing what a freezer is
LMAO'ing at your life rn

>>40048790
Kek

>>40048595
What...IS that?

>>40048191
He obviously tried to

>>40048263
I think turning the heat up to africa level had something to do with it too

>>40048354

This. If you can't cook for yourself, you can't take care of yourself. If you can't take care of yourself how can you take care of her?

this is thread of the year so far

>>40048663
why did you stick the deer to your roof? that isn't how you are meant to leave it to hang

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>>40048595
>this thing is allowed to roam freely among us

>>40048663
that's w weird looking doggo

Too hot.
Should have made anything.

Fish in the oven is the easiest ticket. Just slap some sourcream and greens on it and put it in there.

Heat on 78-80

>>40052040
Youtube.

>>40051880
im dying of laughter

>>40051579
And cum in her mouth because he didn't prepare an appetizer

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>make mashed potatoes for staff Christmas party potluck
>the next potluck we had they signed me u to make mashed potatoes again without asking me because they liked mine so much

Is this what making it feels like?

>>40051833
Chill out, Digiorgno

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>>40048575
>>40048595
>>40048653
>>40048706
>>40048767
>>40048790
>>40049762
>>40049774
>>40049785
>>40051880
Please, my sides.

>>40052354
Fettuccine Alfredo, shrimp scampi, pasta Primavera and many more pasta options confirmed to make bitches salivate at both ends.

>>40053320
It's upside down

>>40048083
Celsius or Fahrenheit?

>>40053466
I don't think any normal home heating system will get a room to 88 C unless something is on fire

>>40053509
>being an EU cuck

>>40053575
I'm not even close to living in the EU.
Most of the world uses the metric system because it is logical. Continue to be obsolete for your feels or whatever dumb reason you use to shill ignorance.

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>>40053613
So you are a shit-nigger? Fuck off.

>>40048083
Jesus man, all you had to do was google a nice meal.

You fucked up, cooking is easy.

>>40053634
I'm white as fuck, my man. Stay mad.

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>>40053320
>>40053457

>>40053737
"nigger" is a state of mind. Though blacks are the main scum to look out for, anyone can act like a nigger.

>>40049006

my 'show dish' is pork cutlet bowl, aka tonkatsu.

it takes 20min to make once you get the hang of it, the ingredients are cheap, and it tastes AMAZING. its very unhealthy, but that doesnt matter for a presentation dish.

>>40053796
>tonkatsu
Good taste mane

Salmon, chopped into squares, thick, wrapped in bacon and baked in an oven, with some lemon on top and some veggies / cus cus as a side dish

works errytiem

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>>40051880
>*shoots schools*

>>40048354
>letting a woman cuck you into doing her work for her
Good one. I can cook for myself, sure, but I'm not fucking cooking if I have a woman to do that for me. I'll cook for a girl I'm dating if I ever date a girl who makes more money than me.

>>40048191
Gotta put them in a situation where they can't refuse, because of the >implication

>>40052365
>>40053443
Its not that pasta isn't tasty; long noodles and saucy foods are a mess. If you must go with pasta, do a stuffed pasta with a very light amount of sauce or just a bit of butter to bring out the flavour.

My go to girl dinner? Risotto with white wine and morels, roast chicken breast stuffed with apple and bacon compote, with a tarragon cream sauce.

Easy and cash, you can get it all started before she arrives, so you have time to socialize outside of the kitchen. Added plus, it takes like 5 minutes stove/oven to plate so it makes you look extra skilled.

>>40054083

No i heard girls never have morels

>>40048083
What is considered an acceptable meal in this situation?

Key note before cooking for a girl, make sure to ask about dietary preferences/allergies. You may think someone being gluten-free is retarded, but they could turn out to have Coeliac or what have you. Also, even if you don't agree with someone's dietary choices, you should be accommodating. It's part of being a good host.

>>40048426
This is a good home date food, not too messy and impressive for people who don't cook, especially if you make your own dough.

>>40053995
>le woman's place is in le kitchen
>>>/b/

>>40054153
That is a fucking reddit tier joke.

>>40051880

> heh I see you got distracted by my decoy school
> in reality that was just an orphanage made to look like a school - no learning happened there.

*flicks cigarette onto trail of petrol leading to your entire sword collection*

> heh hope you didn't need those

>>40054153
Giggled

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>>40054176
> Don't be intimidated, but I'm not a stereotypical guy. If anything, I'll be the one in the kitchen =D.

>>40054286
>putting words in my mouth
Simply ebin

>>40054308
Sweet HD image breh

>>40051852
>Using protein shake as a substitute for actual food.
>Eating takes so much time that it requires to be interesting for you to participate in

>>40054217
>YAMATE KUDASAI WATASHI KOKORO GA ITTAI!!!!!
>YAMEROOOOO!!!

*fall on my knees in disbelief of what just happened*

>t-those swords, they were my Papa's and he gave them to me

*grunts*

>you'll pay for thisss !

*run at you full speed naruto style with tears in my eyes while wielding papas best katana*

>hyaa

*jumps and hides in the smoke from the flames*

(you)
>huh?! where'd you go you fool?!?
>show yourself you coward !?!

*reappears from the cloud of smoke right behind you*

(me)
>heh, right behind you

(you)
>*!*

*i take one full swing upward going from your stomach straight up towards your jaw*

>heh, nothing personal.

Learn to make pizza like previous anons have mentioned.
Or
Lamb skewers-simple to cook, "exotic" and she probably rarely has them.(just make sure you have time to marinate them/season properly)

Pasta-Only if it's stuffed and homemade
Veggies- Asparagus, or mushrooms and red/yellow peppers... all keep fairly well and you can use them in meal prep.

Steak-If you dont know how to cook one...........just look up Gordon Ramseys "how to cook a steak"

Homemade mashed potatoes-simple
Chicken- learn how to cook a full chicken
Fish- Learn how to cook white fish with a fancy name.

Stir-fry- A ton of ingredients...but simple as fuuuuck, serve with cook rice.
(put rice on plate and stir fry next to it)
Drizzle stir fry juices on rice.

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>>40048354
>tfw only know how to cook bodybuilding related recipes

>>40048083
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vp8vd4X3IGg

>>40048083
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Steak on the first date every time. Go to the butchers, get a nice cut and then grab some frozen peas and nice thick chips to go with it. Put some cut rosemary and sea salt on the chips before you cook them, jazzes that shit right up.

Make yourself a nice blue cheese sauce while you're at it. It's incredibly simple shit, but unless she's.a vegetarian freak she'll be impressed. If she asks for anything above medium rare be warned that she's a charlatan and you need to remove her from your life asap.

Who the fuck cooks for a woman? What is the purpose? Whose going to fuck on a full stomach?

You bring her over for drinks and drugs, put some music on or some asinine netflix garbage she's bound to love.

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>>40053995
>I can cook for myself, sure

>>40048575

I agree with this, if only because making pizza dough is not hard at all, all you need is like 10 minutes to start it then put it in the fridge for 12 hours or so.

>>40054755
it's time to stop posting

>>40056288
Drugs > food, it's true lads

>>40052040
Greg's Kitchen on Youtube

>>40056288
Cooking shows that you have domestic skills. Even if it's just a fuck and chuck, it instills the idea that you're a suitable mate.

Just make small portions, problem solved.

>>40048263
>>40048333
>>40048548
>>40048663
>>40048888
>>40048990
>>40049006
>>40049062
>>40049113
>>40049897
>>40051585
>>40051867
>>40051867
>>40052040
>>40052333
>>40052354
>>40052365
>>40053443
>>40054083
>>40054164
>>40054153
When did it become the man's role to cook in the relationship? If she's not doing the cooking what exactly is she doing? Because 99% of the time you're earning more money, you're driving, and you're taking care of financial shit/fixing stuff around the household too.

>>40057413
I lift to be a stay at home dad to a wealthy woman.

Things I enjoy:
>teaching/caring for kids
>Cooking
>home repairs
>cleaning
>hosting/coordinating guests/parties
>lifting
>gardening/landscaping
Being a stay at home dad gives me all of that.

Also
>Cooking is le woman's job, men do all le work
I hate to say this because it's become such a meme, but it's not 1950 anymore. Women can have successful, high paying careers and be useful for things that aren't traditionally for women.

>>40057459
>Women can have successful, high paying careers and be useful for things that aren't traditionally for women.
>women can
but they don't

>>40057459
I prefer being a stay-at-home son.

>>40057488
I'm sure the many female millionaires and doctors are crying in their mansions that this anon living with his mom doesn't recognize their achievement....

>>40057488
>Angela Merkel
>Hillary Clinton
>Janet Yellen
>Marine le Pen
And that's just 5 high profile political examples. As of 2012, over 50% of bioscience PhD earners were women, the number was 58% when looking at BA earners and just slightly lower for MA earners.

But I'm sure you're just baiting.

>>40057798
>Using Merkel and Hillary as positive examples of anything

Wew lad

>>40057866
You don't have to agree with someone's views/actions to see that they are successful. Like them or not (I know I certainly dont), they have had objectively successful political careers.

It's like saying
>I'm not gay therefor I can't say that some guys are objectively attractive and some arent

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>this thread

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>>40057798
>>40057798
Keep picking those cherries. It's much likelier that a man will be winning the bread in a household, not to mention doing a relationship's heavy lifting (like driving, paying for shit, etc). Why should I cook too?

>>40057413
Wait what?

You're not lining up to volunteer to give a woman all your stuff and time and energy only to be lucky if she doesnt absolutely despise you anyway after a handful of years?

>>40052787
No one wants to take care of these whores, we just want to fuck them. They have parents for that. We're just giving them the proper utility for what they are (cumdumpsters).

>>40057798
>50% for bioscience I go to a research university and never heard of this shit
>80%+ men for literally every other field in STEM

>>40056482
you dont even need to let it rest that long, an hour proving in a warmish place is fine, 12 hours in the fridge and it will probably take really yeasty

>>40058281
Likelier? Obviously. Bit saying unilaterally that women are never the breadwinner is just as stupid. Don't put words in my mouth.

>>40058959
I'm an arts student and even I've heard of biosciences, maybe they're called something different where you study?

Anyways, again, I'm not saying that women are anywhere nearly as likely as men to have high paying jobs (hence why I mentioned only the specific area I knew off the top where women outnumbered men, rather than making some grand sweeping statement about all sciences). I'm saying that female experts/professionals do in fact exist as more than just a bizarre 1/1000 outlier.

>>40048083
Wow, the guy in the OPs pic is bald as fuck.
Nice hair implants though. Really good job.

>>40054755
too far

>>40048083
You didn't even attempt to demonstrate your value. Come the fuck on, dude.

>>40054286
>Tfw I feel this way about being the one in the kitchen
>Tfw it's because my mom, female cousins, and aunts are all abhorrent cooks to the point where I trust absolutely no females in the kitchens.
Biting into a blood filled fried chicken breast, cooked by your aunt, at the age of 7 can fuck you up for life.
So damn straight I'll be the one in the kitchen, bitch.

>>40048083
you almost got her bro.
Next time ask the girl what would she like to eat, or at least to give you some hints. Like make her say a few options, ask her which of those she havent eatn in a while, which is her favorite, etc. Good social conversation gains there m8. Then just learn that recipe on the internet, its easy as fuck.

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>>40055982
>2017
>maddox
>maddox IN 2017

You're not the kind of guy who can meet women like this... yet. You need a group of male friends and need to get to know them (and vice versa) while seeming completely uninterested in a date. Just hang with them, chill, have a good time and focus on numero uno. Go hiking. Go to the gym, Go to clubs, movies, whatever. Show off your hard earned body and gradually get to know them. Eventually you'll get better with women, but if you're that awkward, you're not going to pull anything directly for a while. You have any anxiety issues to go with it or are just a robot like the rest of us?

>invite girl over for meal
>don't know how to cook

Holy shit OP this is just poor planning, like not cooking is bad enough but if you couldn't cook why not even THINK of something prior to like I dunno a pizza, order some take out, or pick up a premade meal from somewhere and dress it up prior to her coming over

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>>40048595
She obviously makes dough often, her body is covered with it

>>40053737
Argentina confirmed