Mom / Dad Logic

>if you use whey you're brainwashed!
>200 lbs deadlifts? wow calm down, you might hurt yourself

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>>39549533
My dad thought that stretching could make me taller
>tfw manlet.

I think the classic most common one is probably

>"Creatine? My son will NOT be taking steroids!"

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>A GALLON of milk a DAY????!??!??!?
>Son are you sure??

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my dad thought any workout involving your back will eventually fuck you up for life.

>he mostly runs and has fucked up knees

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>Ok so this is my bro's room, he is like super into the Gym!

>Oh don't worry your metabolism will slow down as you get older. You'll have trouble keeping off the weight hurr hurr.
Nah, you're just fat because of your sedentary lifestyle.. not because of muh metabolism.

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>>39550534

>>39550485
>>39550520
These

>>39550544
As someone in their early 20s I can confirm that your metabolism does slow down as you get older. It is really hard to keep off weight with a slower metabolism

>>39550545
AWAKEN

>>39550561
Wrong I'm 32 eat 4K cals

My dad thinks that eating a grapefruit a day is going to make him lose weight.
No dad, not facefucking yourself with food would make you lose weight.

>>39550534
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee get out roastie, those johgurts are mine mine MIIINNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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My dad actually believes he can lose 10 lbs in 3 days with a secret diet. He opened up his safe and showed me this.

>>39550577
im.also 32 and bulking hard with great results. wtf are these dudes on about?

>>39550614
Holy shit my mom has the same exact diet hanging in her pantry. Fuck.

im 27, i know at least 3 guys who are fat fucks now because they thought their magic metabolism would last forever.

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>>39550614
What the actual fuck?
If there's a screencap, I wanna be in it pls

>>39550544
Yeah sorry to burst your bubble, but you hit 22,23 when you work out 3xs a week but get drunk and eat a pizza
every now and then you get fat... It happens to everyone then you figure out how to eat.
>>39550614
Anyone else just fully going to try this?

>>39550614
>>39550702
I was thinking the same thing, I just checked my kitchen for grapefruit...

>>39550614
This is the infamous "Military Diet"

Posted all over Pinterest and FB so lazy people can do it instead of eating right and exercising.
Supposedly people in the military use it to make weight quickly, at least thats what it explains in the rules.

>>39550752
The military diet, or paramedic diet, consists only of caffeine and nicotine

>>39550614
SON

I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A SECRET

DELETE THIS OR I WILL STOP PAYING THE CABLE BILL

>>39550614
"This is a safe diet"

>>39550614
>How to piss out 9.8 lbs of water in 3 days and lose .2 lbs of muscle.

>>39550614
You eat ice cream every fucking day on this diet.

Top kek

Why do you have to explain anything to these entitled dipshits?
Just because they feed you,clothe you and give you a roof under your head doesn't mean you should pay any heed to their words.
Ignore them 95% of time.
Show them whos the boss you little bitch.

>>39550614
Is it in his safe because it's a "safe diet"

I grew up skinny as fuck. Like even though I was upper middle class, my mom just wouldn't make a lot of food. Would actively tell me to not get more food at dinner so that there were enough for leftovers the next day. When I graduated high school, I was about 5'7" 115 pounds.

My parents would often ask me or joke that I had an eating disorder.

Go to college with access to all-you-can-eat cafeteria, gain about 15 pounds and 2 inches of height by winter break, yeah in 3 months. When I visit home, parents start yelling at me because of how much food I'm eating, how it isn't possible for me to still be hungry, why am I eating so much food, I'm going to eat them into the poor house, when I was eating like, a normal amount or probably even less food than normal people eat

They sit there and act worried about how I don't eat much food, then when I do eat, they get angry at me for it

Unbelievable.

My family is constantly against me doing anything PL-related

>"you'll ruin your kneeds anon"
>"you don't need to lift so heavy you already look good enough"
>"what's the point of going to the gym all the time if you're eating so much"

I told my dad I PR DL'd 500 lbs and all he could say is that I'm going to ruin my back

My parents told me that instead of taking my motorcycle to the gym for 4 days a week, I should instead take my bicycle and Go twice a week. Then I was informed that bikig includes a strenuous Ab and biceps work out. When I asked them how come I did not get any muscle Mass for over 6 years of biking 30km to school almost every day, I was told to shut up.
I Have yet to meet one person here in the Netherlands that knows a lot about lifting.

>>39551608
all that biking really helped with your endurance and cardiovascular health you retard

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>>39550614
>wake up at 6:45
>today's the day
>roll out of bed, waddle over to scale
>after mentally preparing myself for the half inch step up I blow the dust off of my bathroom scale
>small chunks of cantaloupe and tuna escape my mouth and land in globs on the scale
>awkwardly climb into the scale, sucking my beautiful skin rolls in so I can read the number
>wait
>no
>this can't be right
>486 pounds
>I've gained 4 pounds from the diet
>panic.jpeg
>I roll over to my safe
>it is 8:45 by the time I reach it, my greasy fingers fiddle with the knob for another 15 minutes
>finally the door is opened, a single crumpled up paper lays inside
>read it over and over, it should have worked perfectly
>I realize my mistake
>my heart stops
>my mom's stupid boyfriend finds me dead on the floor
>mfw I ate a medium apple instead of a small one

>>39550614
Lol... That's any 1960's health clinic diet. It's what the backbone of weight watcher's started with... And then made people pay to support each other.

>>39551512
Famous catch 22 of my grandma. You want some food honey? Omg you're so fat, what's wrong with you.

>>39550614
So who is willing to give up 3 days of gains for this shit diet?

>>39550829
Whores breakfast, 2 cigs and a cup of coffee

>>39550561
I'm 31 and have had no problems cutting or maintaining my weight compared to a decade ago. "Muh metabolism" is mostly an excuse for 10+ years of a sedentary lifestyle catching up to the average office worker or stay at home mum.

>>39549533
Just wait. Next comes gf/wife diet logic.

It does not improve.

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>>39549533
>tfw your parents are educated

>>39550614
ANON DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'VE UNLEASHED

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There's this old dude (66) who runs like 10k everyday and also gives fitness advice on local TV, sorta like if Scooby was a cardio bunny.

He lives near me and we always catch up when i'm jogging at the park, since i'm a recovering fatty (started at 333lb now at 260) he always offers me fitness...advice.

>told me to grab a broom and move it around like a ninja to burn my love handles and back fat
>told me to literally run for 2 hours a day so i can reach my goal faster (instead of, you know maybe eat 200 cals less a day)
>Got upset when i told him that my goal was to reach my target weight (80kg since i'm 6'1) and start lifting
>apparently he wants me to go fucking skelly mode (60kg) because i'll look more aesthethic

the weird thing is that he has never given me any sort of nutritional advice, maybe he doesn't know jack shit about that, crazy old man, but at least he's a fun guy to be around

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>>39550702
I am 22 almost 23 I eat like shit and have more alcohol in my fridge than I can drink. I weigh less than 70 kilos. Maybe just don't stuff your face you fatass.

They're from a time before you could obtain unlimited information on whatever topic you want wherever and whenever you feel like, so obviously a lot of them just parrot the hearsay they learned when they were younger and to them correlation = causation.

You can find two or three dudes in a Planet Fitness at any given time who would be considered freakishly strong men by early 1900's standards because the average person just knows more shit at a given age as time goes on.

Its a bit of a surprise but my parents have been super supportive of my lifting. Dad thinks whey is rhe same as Jack3d or those other dodgy preworkouts but w/e. I showed him Starting strength and he was interested although said something about be careful of my spine

>"And these are my sons! They are super into bodybuilding. You know they have a special diet and all!"
Both barely over DYEL and literally regular diet only more eggs and whey

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Does anyone have that screencap where Anon's mother and sister try those nonsensical diets and don't understand why they don't work?

>The verb diet, where they only eat foods with verbs in the name

>>39550702
>>39550730
If we set a date id be down to try this bullshit as a group

>>39551924
>Chocolate shake
>French fries
>Patty melt
What could go wrong?

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>decide to stop jogging and start lifting to burn calories because i don't want to destroy my joints since imma fatty
>Mom: buuut anon u need to run otherwise you wont lose any weight
>Mom: Or you could do that thing your cousin does...you know that gym where they make them move around and dance and stuff...i think it's called crossfit?
>tfw

>>39551978
According to Anon it was mostly split peas and whipped cream.

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>>39551900
>fireball
>Budweiser
>Heineken
>various flavored "liquors"
2/10 shit taste m8

>>39551521
>"what's the point of going to the gym all the time if you're eating so much"

What did he mean by this?

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My uncle is a bodybuilder, so my Dad actually knows a decent bit when it comes to working out and is pretty built himself at 6'0" 200+lbs

Pic related is my uncle

>>39550485
This 100%

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>>39551512
I know this fucking feel

>>39550481
(Grow, grow, grow)

I hope I don't turn into a stubborn, closed-minded, know-it-all uneducated prick when I get older. It feels like every old person I know is like this. Is it an ageing thing or were they always like this, and now have the false authority of age and a position of power in a relationship (e.g. being always right because they are parents) to lend legitimacy to their half baked bullshit?

>My fat is turning into muscle. So it's working.

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>>39552014
>mfw

How old were you when you realized your parents aren't all knowing gods?
>mfw i was 24
>mfw living under their thumb oblivious to the ways they kept me in the dark and subservient to them
>mfw was able to get out once I recognized the situation but permanent psychological scars

>>39551685
Kek

>>39550614
Plz include me in the Reddit screen cap.

Diet plans are such a joke. Once you know the basics of macronutrients and what things are generally good and bad the only thing you need to succeed is willpower.

>>39552087
At work my boss always attempts to transfer workplace authority into conversational authority and its actually pretty frightening hearing her talk to coworkers, especially when it comes to diet which I know the basics. Theres always a weird moment when I shut down what shes saying because in her mind authority is authority and my coworkers somehow grant it? (she is not fit either). I tend to see those people as the most dangerous, just spreaders of misinformation.

>>39553497
I was 9.
What the fuck faggot.

>>39552087
Try putting yourself into an artificially aged state. Then imagine being that way for decades, no respite, and it only becomes more severe. It's ridiculous.

>>39553568
Yep, and nothing you can say to these people, they are always right and your lack of authority means you wouldn't be believed if you had 100 peer-reviewed studies to prove it. The only way to get anything through to them is to make them think they came up with the idea themselves, but that's pretty difficult to do.

>>39550561
That's a good thing. The faster your metabolism and the more calories you consume and burn, the earlier you die.

You probably die to some shitty disease or accident before that matters, but theoretically it makes a big difference.

>>39549533
this has to be bait

>>39553567
>Diet plans are such a joke
they are a helpful tool for people that don't know about all that stuff. But some I'll grant you are stupid and outright dangerous.

>>39550561

Nice broscience, bro.

>>39553601

Eat less animals. Eat more plants. Stay awesome longer.

>>39550567
MY

>>39551924
it's not that they didn't understand, it's that they were fat fucks making up excuses to eat shit

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>>39550534
>ugly fingers
>dat nail

>>39550702
I'm 24, fit the description and even when I bulk I stay below 18% bf.

Sounds like you just suck desu

>>39551681
He specifically mentioned muscle mass you seething moron.

>>39551898

Lol what in the fuck he's like a bro science Sensei

>>39551900
I'm thinking about trying out alcoholism
how is it?

>>39550520
Literally my dad
>"don't squat so low, you'll wreck your knees"
>has bad knees
>never used to train legs
>did trampolining as a teen

>>39554490
Most people fuck their knees up mainly from heavy leg extensions and running but for some reason squatting gets all the hate.

I'm pretty sure it's because squatting requires a modicum of effort and people look for any excuse to avoid it.

>>39551608
>bicep
>ab
>no mention of legs
Your family might be literally retarded

>>39551898
>>told me to literally run for 2 hours a day so i can reach my goal faster (instead of, you know maybe eat 200 cals less a day)

It is absolutely fucking mindblowing how people cannot grasp this concept. It is MUCH fucking harder to burn off ~500 calories than just not fucking eating that sandwich.

>>39549533

lmao you should meet my aunt.

>Don't buy whey! It's for professionals! Are you in a competition? Get your protein from food!
>Don't eat ALL the meat and eggs, damnit! Leave some for other people, too

>>39550689
>>39553567
>Le pls include me in the screencap
>H-hey guys look! Here i have a funny screencap of /fit/ and MY comment is in on it! Hahaha

Fucking kids...

>>39553806
MASTERS

>>39551512
115lb

How bout you give me your parents address an ill make then 115lb an see how they like it.

That's basically child abuse

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>>39550846

>>39551989
I think that was the point he was trying to make.

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>>39551495
...hehehehe

>>39549533

>"You can eat whatever you want if you run every day"

>dad, don't buy me food or drinks I have my own money for food and all I'm drinking is water
>of course, anon. I'll help out though, what do you want from the store?
>oats and iceburg lettuce would be great, thanks
>come home from work the next day
>HEY BUDDY, I got some burgers and soda for ya' in the fridge!
>th-thanks, but I can't eat or drink that stuff
>ARE YOU SAYING I WASTED THIS MONEY
>almost every time he goes grocery shopping

He has a fucking ridiculous metabolism, eats what he wants and is still fit. Sadly, he thinks everyone is like that and won't take "no thanks" for an answer.

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I was skinny as a kid due being stressed out 24/7 and violent allergic reactions to potatoes which we ate almost every day. At age 19, 6'6''(195cm) I weighed like 120-130 lbs. I was worried but:

>you aren't skinny at all
>most guys I see at the mall are like you
>no one in our family is fat
>you have bds
>etc

fuck you mom

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>>39555362
classic dad sedadu

once you realize everything that is worth living for will also goblin your gains when taken in too large doses you begin to appreciate the real moments with people when taken in moderation.

>>39549533

No

>Dad sees how I've been eating
>changes his eating habits
>now eats oats, vegtables, chicken breast, fruits, etc
>dad sees me getting stronger and bigger
>dad starts lifting with me
>dad sees how i treat my girlfriend
>dad sees how well my gf responds to it
>dad gets redpilled hard
>is more assertive with mom
>more dominant
>dad is happier
>dad is now like 12% bf
>gonna start him on a bulk at +250
>dad is more confident
>dad is healthier

Feels amazing desu

>>39549533
Your dad is right tho you retard

>>39555602

You eat more protein when cutting than bulking to avoid and slow loss of LBM

Idk why dyels offer advice?

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>>39550614
Keeps "safe" diet in safe

>>39554561
There are fucktarded "experts" who perpetuate the myth that your knees explode from squatting too low.

>>39553497
At 13 and it was cringy as fuck
>discover atheism
>doubt it heavily cause I knew allah is great
>watch a lot of videos about the truth of islam my parents didn't know or didn't tell me about
>start doubting them about everything
>never am outspoken about my lack of faith cause I feared they would hit me or get a khawaja to try to indoctrinate me

7 years later I still haven't told them about it but I never talk about religion with anyone either so that's that.

>>39549533
>I tried explaining to him that I wouldn't lose strength so long as I ate enough protein but he refused to listen to me.
You're wrong too you retard. If you were in the 200lbs class with 10% bf and cut down to fit in the 180lbs class you obviously will have lost strength.

>>39550614
My obese grandmother had it pinned to her fridge for close to 15 years. I think it was called the Birmingham diet and raved about how they put fatties on it before heart surgery so they wouldn't die.

>dad was such a curlbro that all he taught me was bench, curls, and leg curls

>>39555529
how do you treat ur gf exactly anon?

>>39556408


>Always take control, tell her what we're doing, when we're doing it, how we're doing it.
>In and outside of bedroom
>If I have a problem I immediately let her know
>Pick out her clothes for her
>Make a lot of choices for her (EX, where she is going to college, she couldn't decide what school she wanted to go to, got into 2 local schools, one was clearly a better school, higher rankings, higher mean SAT/ACT score, so I told her she was going there, and she's going here)

Just typical dom/sub mild stuff.

I think most women want to be subs, and most men want to be doms.

I always was a dom but I was worried and insecure that I would be seen as pushy and controlling... until I decided to stop being insecure, stop being worried, and just do what I wanted and what made me happy.

My GF has always been a nice girlfriend, but she treats me even better and is happier, you can tell she is very happy with the changes we've made in our relationship.

Before when I let her make a lot of decisions in the relationship we would argue occasionally, she would second guess herself.

Now we never fight and no one is ever uncertain what or how are going to do something.

>>39551685
11/10

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>>39555529
>tfw when your wifes son is alpha

>>39551900
beautiful on the outside, hamsaurus on the inside

>>39554717
Oh god comedy gold 11/10 the chan include me in screencap pls

>If I had a rifle, I'd shoot your liar of a father!
>I can't stand you anymore! I'll send you of to a fucking orphanage you little shit!

HAHAHHHAHHAHAHAH MOM LOGIC AMIRITE!?

related in a way.

>at the doctor for a heart check up because hyper tension runs in my father side of the family

>doctor tells me my pressure is normal but I shouldn't go over my bmi. he said bmi matters to everyone including weight lifters.

pajeets not even once

>>39550485
My mom tossed out my new container of creatine while I was gone. Thought it was roids

>>39550474
Lmao this

>>39550508
He's right though.

>>39549533
Baby boomers need to die

>>39550508
Everyone gives me this look when I tell them I do Gomad

>>39556457
Hahaha you cringey fuck. Hope you picked the college with the bigger negros because soon as shes out of your sight she's going to be in the biggest bull she can find.

>>39550561
>as a 20 year old
Lmao, judging from what experience? I bet this is the first time in your life counting cals

>>39554670
She's right tho, if you're not roiding your protein needs are easily met with a conscious diet, also every skinny fat curlbro and their upper only friends drink shakes

>>39550614
I mean if he's like 500lbs he could prob lose ten pounds in three days

>>39551763
>not being able to say no to food you don't need

Cry more fatty

>>39556457
Seems more like you're running her life rather than simply being assertive/dominant
It might not, but will most likely blow up in your face

>>39551992
Normies think the only reason you go to the gym is to "tone up to for summer".

>>39550614
I dont get it??? its not so bad calorie wise, probably less than 2000, which is enough for a grown man to lose weight (of course not 10 lbs in 3 days but still)

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>>39551930
>the day /fit/ finally entered eternal slumber

>>39551512
5'11 185 pounds and my mom is still worried about and constantly comments on how 'thin; I am.

>>39554717
It's a meme.
U got memed.

>>39556797

Lamo bro I can tell from across your screen your girl either runs the relationship and you're mirrin hard or you're forever alone and mirrin that I Have my girl in line

Stay lonely faggot

>>39556938

I don't see how it's gonna blow up because she's been happier and relationship been stronger since.

But if it blows up it blows up anon, all you can do in life is what you think is right and listen to your gut and see where it gets you ya know?

>>39556852

I lost 10 lbs in 3 days when the first 3 days I decided to start getting /fit/, and I was just skinny fat, not even fat.

Reason being I was eating crappy shit food with tons of salt causing tons and tons of water retention, once I started eating real food and working out I immediately dropped 10lbs of water

>>39557041

Low calorie=\=healthy

Skinny=\=healthy

If you are a fat shit you should eat a calorie deficit of real food like chicken breast, vegtables, etc instead of eating ICECrEAM EVERY DaY

>>39557391
Dude, she's basically "ignorance is bliss" personalized

>>39554717
>when kids nowadays dont even follow the way of the sword

>>39557478

I mean she's a sub type girl. I've never fucked with BDSM heavy stuff, ropes chains etc but the fraud trips blog post about it so I know a little.

IMO I think most girls fall into that 'would rather be a sub' type of girl.

Keep in mind this is all my opinions and shit but I sort of think 95% of girls prefer that dynamic, and if you aren't dominant enough then they try to act like it making descions and stuff when they would rather be a sub.

So that's why they get cranky and shit and why my gf and I used to argue, because I wasn't being dom enough so she had to be more dominant than she wanted to be and it was unpleasant for her.

All I can tell you is that the relationship got 100 times better.

Sometimes we do mff and since I've started being more dominant+controlled for with women in general it been so much easier to get girls, like they can see in my eyes that they can be subs like they want and I will take care of everything

>>39556457
You pick her clothes? Poor thing must look so frumpy and unstylish.

>>39550614
DELETE THIS

>>39557671
Sounds like you got abusively controling and can't see through your own ass.

I wouldn't be supeised if she leaves you or this spirals into physical abuse.

>>39557731

>wah wah other people are in happy relationships that work for them

THE POST

>wahh two people are happy in their relationship and I'm ALONE

2017 is the year of GF right? Just gotta hit (lamo) 1/2/3/4 right?

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>>39557731

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So, I got a Mom & Dad story.

So, ok a little background first. I’m 19, 6’3” good looking, white. I have a brother, and two younger sisters. The youngest just turned 15. All of us look like a perfectly normal Trumptopia family.

Upper middle class, my folks own a store that makes custom and clothing alterations and my Dad even does boot work and restorations. My dad also is an accountant. My mom runs the clothing & boot store.

Anyway, we have a pretty good sized home, full basement, middle floor, and an upstairs where the bedrooms are. We have a big backyard too. My parents dress well and aren’t fat either. They aren’t fit, but they are doing pretty good considering my mom is 43 and my Dad is 49. They almost look like the OP picture, but like 10 years younger.

Ok, so I’m joining the Airforce, I leave for Basic in less than a month. Last Friday I was partying with some friends, and had a few drinks and was going to crash at his apartment, but his girlfriend came home from work and she was pissed and they argued, and it was uncomfortable, and another friend who was there who doesn’t drink because he’s always lifting decided to give me a ride home.

Now, When I got dropped off at home there was a vehicle, and SUV, in our driveway. I didn’t recognize it. I figured maybe my parents were having a friend over because they expected me to be at my friends place, and my brother and sisters were staying at my mom’s sisters lake house for the weekend and having a bon fire and whatever.

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>>39557933
So, I go inside and I hear my mom screaming from upstairs. Then laughing. I grab my baseball bat, and I very I go upstairs and there is light coming from their bedroom. I look inside the slightly open door.

There I see everything. From behind view, and their bed. My mom’s ass. Her pussy. Dripping cum as she pulls off of a black guy, laying on his back, his huge cock, and it’s still pulsing cum. She’s rubbing her clit.

Oh shit! No fucking WAY! Mom’s cheating on Dad with THIS fucking Congoloid! I burst into the room with my bat raised and yell “WTF would DAD think!!!???”

Then I hear “uhhhhhh”, coming from behind me, my mom and this nigger with their eyes wide and jaws gapping like mouth breathing retards.

I look behind me. There’s my dad, sitting in the chair in the corner. Naked with his hands on his dick.

My Dad’s a fucking LITTERAL Cuck. I mean I’m not black, but now I don’t even know if he’s my dad.

What do I do?

>>39557950
>>39557933

Help them clean up?

>>39550561
I strongly suspect that you train like a total pussy

>>39557933
>>39557950

Where did this copypasta start?

File: get back to reddit.jpg (81KB, 480x492px) Image search: [Google]

81KB, 480x492px

>>39557731
I bet 1000 dollars you came from Reddit. Go back there please.

>>39550614
My dad did something similar, fucking retarded.
First time I told him I take whey after working out he said it's probably made from grounded up dog brains, because he's moved past the idea that companies just want your money on to the idea that companies exist solely to fuck you over even at their own expense.

>>39550614
Include me in the screen cap desu

File: contemplating cartoon man.jpg (44KB, 282x341px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 282x341px

>>39555372
>Son is allergic to potatoes
>BETTER KEEP COOKING POTATOES FUCK THAT SHIT

>>39558450
to be fair, we didn't know, as tests turned up nothing and I was sickly all the time.