How many GALLONS each DAY?

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You're blood work came back anon and it turns out your body is in what's called "ketosis". I know it sounds scary, but don't worry, the nurse will be here in just a second with a glass of orange juice. I'll explain after you drink.

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>You eat at McDonald's five times a week, but insist it's okay because it fits your... Mac-Grows?

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You take horse steroids? Wait, why does it say you use asthma medication, you don't even have asthma!

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>And this Mr. Rippey-toe, he told you to drink a gallon of milk EACH DAY and rub your ass on the grass?!

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>Scooby Doo told you to put protein powder on everything?

>>39501638
That actually happened to me once.
I had a hypo at work and someone called for an ambulance and they insisted I get checked over.
They wouldn't let me leave until I had a slice of toast and a cup of coffee.

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>you eat.... h-how many eggs?

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>Go mad? Don't mind if I do!

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>And you learned all this from the "sticky" on a Portuguese clay sculpting weblink?

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>you say you can't function properly without taking a sip? a sip of what?

>>39501787
lol

lmao i love this board

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>Sir, would you PLEASE finally stop calling me Pajeet?

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>please sir, don't hurt me. I'm genuinely sorry your estrogen levels are so high from all that milk

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>I don't know what to do. He keeps calling me a gains goblin.

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>I hear you've been bullying some Asians at your gym

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Bodyweight fags what are some good body weight exercises for ass? Gf wants a better ass.

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>What was that? Please don't be in London?

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So you thought messing with your endocrine system was a great idea because "PCT" would bring your testosterone levels to "normal?"

What's that? The 'Fraud General' on a mongolian fishing website told you steroids were "not bad for you and just fear mongered"

>Nurse, this man requested gynocemastia surgery, prep an operating table!

>>39501689
oh christ

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So you abstain from ejaculation, take ice cold showers and look at pictures of obese women on a Bosnian almond activation imageboard because you heard that these activities might noticeably elevate your testosterone levels? And you expect me to perform blood tests so you can determine whether this is all worth it or if you should buy Chinese bathtub chemicals from the dark web and inject them into your body instead?

>>39501787
My sides

>>39502275
Fukin kek

>>39502265
Bulgarian split squat, do them slow, pausing for one second in the down position.

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>>39501652

>Wait, why does it say you use asthma medication, you don't even have asthma!

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>son, do you have any idea how large that first sip was? Can I see your natty license?

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>>39501594

>>39501652
kek, i'm taking it for the first time and my hands ate shaky as fuck

>>39502991
b...b..but officer it's still early day

>>39501646
Hehe

>>39503002
saved

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>so you're not sexually active? care to explain?

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Each squat takes 7 minutes off your life.

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So your fitness regime involves pretending to be nazi officer?

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>>39501689

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What do you mean you've finished another tub of peanut butter?

>>39501787
bahahah

>>39503437
I want this meme die

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>You took FIVE scoops and did an EIGHT HOUR arm workout Because a 'wealthy pianoman' told you to?

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You train your arms for 8 whole hours to "leave humanity behind" as you put it? And you say 16 of these "mutant shakes" help you recover from it?

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I have a chronic kidney condition and at one point I almost asked my doctor if it could ever be okay to take protein powder

I'm not kidding I almost fucking asked
And the guy is super serious he would've stared me down

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>So you are telling me you start cutting yourself after bulk? Listen, just because you dislike your warehouse job doesn't mean you should hurt yourself.

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>look what he wrote under 'last sexually active'

>>39501638
Audible kek

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>You say you want a "hands-free prostate exam" to see if the finasteride you've taken to stop yourself going bald from the testosterone you inject into your body has damaged your prostate?
>Well I suppose I can do it just this once but keep this between us and remember, no homo.

>>39503002
>So, you only drank a glass of milk a day because some "doctor" told you so?

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>2,5 grams of protein per pound of bodyweight everyday???!!! Well, I think we finally know why do you have renal failure at 23

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>What do you mean "sloots gonna sloot"?
>Anon I understand you might be uncomfortable with a female doctor given what you put under "sexual activity" but I assure your I'm as skilled and qualified as any male doctor working here.

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>>39502275
Can someone explain this London meme plz

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>So it looks like your vital signs are perfect and your testosterone and growth hormone levels are the highest we've seen in years! I suppose it does explain your extraordinary height, face and frame though. Sorry about my assistant Stacy by the way, she just couldn't control herself around you! Anyway, could you tell us what your diet and fitness regime is really like because I struggle to believe you're doing this well living off of nothing but pizza and beer and only doing football training and the occasional curl or pushup for exercise.

>>39503654

To explain this would require you to understand the concept of Tiny.

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>You want me to give you something that will make you feel "thick, solid, and tight"?
>What do you mean by that?

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>You're here today because your "pumps" don't feel like an orgasm?
>You think it's supposed to feel that way?
>Arnold told you this? Who's Arnold? Is he a doctor?

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>>39503684
DELET THIS POST REEEEEEE

>>39501787
ayy

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>Diagnostically speaking, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your face, frame, or height. I'm sorry sir, there's nothing I can do for you.

>>39502849
>Bosnian almond activation imageboard

I'm a Bosnian almond farmer genuinely considering selling "Activated Almonds" to the vegan/hipster crowd, so this is not entirely untrue.

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>So you inject yourself with a livestock appetite booster because you want to be "fucking zebras"? And you know full well that my name isn't "Myron Bra" but I hope you find whoever he is and he can help you with your sick zoophilic obsessions.

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>You walk around with your mouth clenched shut and your tongue pressing the roof of your mouth because an obscure orthotropic orthodontist said it'd move your maxilla and remould your skull? And you say you import hard gum from Greece and Turkey to chew for hours every day because you think it'll cause masseter hypertrophy?

>>39503910
the "tongue pressing the roof of your mouth" thing isn't something to be joked about anon

my front teeth are ruined because i destroyed the natural bump by sucking my thumb until i was 9

it's NOT a meme

>>39503654
>girl posts on /fit/
>little monkey prays she is in london
>she wasn't

>>39503910
REEEEEEEEE

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>I'll schedule an X-ray immediately sir. Which large bone did you want me to examine?

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>two WHOLE jars of peanut butter?
>six times a day you say?
>and you...push your fingers into your eyes regularly?????

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>What's this "powerlifting" I see written here?

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12 meals a day? Injecting yourself with WHAT?!?! Anon I don't care if you're doing "feeder workouts" this "bigger by the day" thing you're doing is unhealthy and if you're really doing it to leave humanity behind I'm afraid we're going to have to put you on suicide watch and get you into a psychiatric ward as soon as possible.

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>five? two or three times a day? and how much exactly is in one of these "scoops"?

>>39504761
>17g of protein, sir

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>>39504765
>mr. anon that's going to put serious strain on your kidneys. the recommended daily intake of protein is only 56 grams

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>Weighted ass-rows?

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>>39503654
it goes way back

>>39504810
>fucking normies
*unintelligible muttering*

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>>39501638
Just wanted to let you know that you made a spelling error and I didn't read the rest of your story after the first misused word.
>you are
Time to off yourself

>>39503437
That was 4 kg before, now I accidentally ate 11 kg more
LOSING MYSELF

>>39504025

>girl

>>39504872
>spelling error
Actually it's a grammatical error. He didn't spell 'you're' incorrectly, he just used it wrong.

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>>39504351

>>39503960
In your case it is, since it is way too late for any adjustments.

>>39501689
I shouldn't have lost, but I did.

>>39503751
>>Arnold told you this? Who's Arnold? Is he a doctor?
You blew it, everyone knows Arnold

You can google "who is Arnold" or "Arnold height" and you immediately get results

>>39505158
You can google a lot of shit in these threads and immediately get results

>>39505170
Yes, but it's mostly not stuff normies would know about

Arnold is well-known throughout the western world

>>39501738
SOME ONE POST THE 32 EGGS A DAY THREAD QUICKLY.

>>39502251
lmao made my day

>>39505189
32 OF WHAT A DAY

>Your blood work came back and your creatinine levels are off the charts.

I lift weights.

>You need to stop lifting weights.

True story, I never went back to that doctor either.

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>>39503524
YAMEROOOOO

>>39501594
Look, Doc. Can I can you Doc? Listen, Doc... I need to get protein. It might sound like a lot, but semen is very healthy for you.

>>39501594
By far my favorite thread that mysteriously showed up recently.

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you say you have such large trapezius muscles from BICYCLING?

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>>39501787
Every single time