DRUG TEST GENERAL

You fucked son

Cranberry juice works better than water

>>39056617
DUDE KYS LMAO

If you know it's coming just buy synthetic pee.. If it's like a probation test where they watch you buy a whizzanator. How the fuck can people ever fail a non random drug test??

>>39056638
no cranberry juice but got green tea and niacin and vitamin c

if you completely dilute your urine with water before hand you can literally be high while you take the test. Just have to start like 5 hours before and drink water nonstop the whole time until you are pissing every ~20 minutes. Piss right before you leave and when you get there to take the test make sure to give them as little as possible and give them the middle part of your urination (piss a bit in the toilet then in the cup then finish in the toilet) I've passed countless drug tests like this. It only won't work if they dont accept clear piss but most do.

>>39056660
thanks, I'll definitely try this. It's a long story but I'm not sure if I'll even be drug tested. I just need a clear medical evaluation for some court bullshit.

I'm hoping that with cardio and this temporary insane diet, I can flush out my system. Also adopting basically a keto diet where I just eat eggs and bacon till I hit 1000 to 1200 cal, not sure if that'll make a difference

>>39056687
only downside is it makes you feel like shit for a while

Urine tests can see 30 days prior so you're pretty much fucked.

Best bet is to use someone elses piss

>>39056687
What kind of "court bullshit?"

>>39056759
as part of the deal to drop my charges, the prosecution wants me to get evaluated at a clinic and get a thumbs up from them

>>39056780
Are you retarded? You knew this was coming and you didn't stop smoking?

>>39056726
>Implying

For most people weed stays traceable for 1-2 weeks, tops. It's got a very small half life. Longer than many other drugs, but in no way 30 days

If you get a positive just an to take it again. That gives you more time for your second one

>>39056817
yeah, that's my fault. I figured if I panic mode detoxed, I could pass. Historically I've only passed blood tests since those were the only ones I got. I don't know how much different a urine test is

>>39056858
Youre stupid and you deserve to fail

>>39056718
it's worth it. I've been meaning to drop a few pounds anyway and this is the perfect excuse to diet down something stupid

Synthetic Urine dummy, follow the instructions and hide the bottle under your balls. Its like 30 dollars at any smoke shop.

>>39056838
don't think I can afford to fail this one

>>39056617
wouldn't burning fat increase the risk of getting caught since metabolites would be flushed out into your system?

>>39056967
Yes, exercising right before a piss test makes it worse.

>>39057044
should I just eat maintenance the day before then?

>>39057068
One method I've read about but have never tried, is basically shoveling food into yourself for a few days to try and build up more fat stores. Then hopefully when you take your piss test you pull more from the new clean fat. But once again take it with a grain of salt.

>>39056617
>>39056858

Gday mate. I smoked everyday for a FEW WEEKS and was able to pass a drug test 5 days after stopping.

What is did was drink stacks of water. Like constantly. I had a bottle of water in my hand everywhere I went. Almost wet my pants a few times.
I ate blueberries and goji berries for detox.
I avoided all fatty foods. Ate only oats and plain toast during the day and ate a pretty small dinner. Do cardio.

On the day of the test I woke up very very early and stuffed my face full of all the fatty food I could. Kept drinking water. Made sure I pissed at least 3 times before the test. Took some vitamins to make my urine was yellow.

At the test pee into the toilet for a while, then catch into the cup, and then finish in the toilet again.

SCIENCE:
THC is fat soluble. Try to burn fat so your body starts releasing the built up THC. All the watwr heaps flush the free THC out your system. On day of test eat heaps of fat to soak up the free THC from coming out of your loss anymore.
The start and end of your piss-stream are the dirtiest, with the middle the cleanest.

Good luck anon, I think you will be fine.

>>39056780
>court case depends on urine test
>not using synthetic or friends clean urine
>literally leaving life to chance
Lol bruh

>>39056617
So it'll be 8 days since you last smoked? You're cutting it fine mate, but I'd say you should just about be in the clear assuming you were clean apart from those few days

>>39057333
pretty much was. Prior to that, I had a few bong rips a week before. Before that, might've been weeks.

>>39056617
There is no way to get rid of metabolites faster. Drinking a lot of water, cardio, sauna etc does a little bit but it's so little that it's insignificant. Your only chance is to drink shitloads of water before so your urine is too diluted, if they measure creatinine they will see that you've drank too much water but it's easy to just claim you did it because you were nervous and had no idea it'd ruin the test. You'll be given a new chance and more time.
>>39057270
>I ate blueberries and goji berries for detox
kys

Op is going to make mad gainz in the prison gym

>>39057270
thanks brah

>>39057405
Did you choke badly on a goji berry?
Did a blueberry farmer fuck your son's mother?

What's wrong with eating those berries for detox or nutrients? Give a reason next time before talking shit.

>>39057533
Because "detox" isn't real, it's something that gullible women believe in. If you have too much toxins in your body you need dialysis. But as long as you don't have severe health problems your liver and kidneys are good enough. Either way, eating fucking berries isn't gonna magically remove toxins. You have to be fucking retarded to believe in that whole bullshit.

>>39056617
Orangejuice, got me through my drug test, one gallon does the trick

>>39056617

Odds are you're fucked.

Okay, op, you need to listen to me, you need to bulk up the day before and the day of to keep from peeing out those fatty acids. Drink plenty of water, enough to make your piss clear. To get passed them thinking you're diluting your urine, take creatine, they usually test for this, and supplement b6s for color. This is what they put in drug screening kits.

If you follow this, you'll pass for real. Best of luck, faggot.

>>39056660
>>39056687
They sometimes check for creatine concentration in your piss to make sure you don't overhydrate just for this.
Not even kidding, take some creatine and this'll be fine.

>>39056617
Your best bet is to get clean pee from a friend. If they want to watch you piss, then you should get a wizzinator or whatever it's called. Basically it's a fake dick you use to put fake pee in the real drug test cup.

>>39057718
can I get creatinine from eating meat? is that fine?

>>39057870
>staying natty even in the hour of trial
Respect.

OP I would personally say that you're fucked if it's a piss test. The only way that you would pass is if they have the worst test ever created. If those three days in a row are the only time you've smoked in maybe 4-6 months, it would also be possible. If you're not low bf (9%, 8% etc) you're almost certainly fucked regardless.

>>39058538
what kind of retarded estimate is 4-6 months

>>39058563
If you smoke heavily every day for a long time It takes more than a month to clear out. I smoked for two years every day, stopped for 2 months, then pissed hot off of a test from cvs

>>39058538
completely wrong

On the subject of weed, do you niggas smoke that dank? Do you smoke before or after gym time?

I personally on smoke on weekends.

>>39058834
before

>>39058770
actually right

>>39056687
>>39056780
>>39056858

>I just need a clear medical evaluation for some court bullshit.

You're a dumb motherufcker and deserve to fail.

There is literally no saving you from yourself.

>>39056617
Stop being a degenerate x F

Not OP here but I just need someones personal opinion..
Smoked weed daily for about 8 months. Been clean now for about 6 weeks while drinking lots of water and working out. Drug test is in a week. Think I'll be good?..

>>39059337
What is your bf%?

>>39059337
>6 weeks
You're for sure good bro

>>39059380
Somewhere between 10-14% right now

>>39059400
Okay for sure just worried is all.. Heard for chronic users it takes longer than 30 days sometimes.

>>39057591
Welp, did some research online. You're completely right. Thanks for the redpill on shit labeled with detox.

>>39059337
might not be. Smoking daily for 8 months is srs shit. You better have been burning serious fat

>>39056780
What charges?

Why don't you stop being a pothead lawbreaking low life and get your personality /fit/. I hope they test your hair.

>>39057270
>I ate blueberries and goji berries for detox.

>current year
>not detoxing on macha and acai

Do you even meme, brah?

>>39060320
misdemeanor

look up Papain its an enzyme in papaya, you put it in the urine sample and it denatures the thc metabolites

>>39059147
i agree. i think the best result from this is OP doing a few years in the can and hopefully realizing he should stop doing drugs, or move to a state where its legal.

Make sure to test yourself with a cheap drug test from cvs exactly like you will at the time of the real test. That is the best way of knowing for sure if you are gonna pass it or not.

>>39056780
>>39056858
Fucking hell... why...

>>39056617
You. Are. Fucked.
The compound they test is stored in the cells of your body and excreted slowly over a fair period of time. It's not something you can just 'flush out' with water.

>>39056780
JUST PISS IN THE BOTTLE FOR ME MAN
JUST PISS IN THE BOOOTTTLLLEEEEE
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>39056780
What were you thinking when you grabbed a joint man.

>>39056617
I had to pass in a week, i did.
Here's what I did:

I drank a shit ton of water the first two days
The third day I went to a sauna and baked for an hour and a half
The fourth day I bought a huge bottle of unfiltered and unsweetened cranberry juice and drank all of it.
The fifth day I bought a piss detox from a headshop, idk what it was called
Im not sure which one of these worked, but something did.

Just make sure the piss you put in there isnt your first piss of the day or the beginning of the stream, and drink lots and lots of water

>>39056858
why are potheads so fucking retarded

>>39056831
For most people, yeah, it only takes two to three weeks. But chronic smokers who do it nearly every day, like who OP most likely is, it takes 30 days minimum.

>>39062455
I was stressed about the test, so I smoked to calm down.

>>39056617
You're dumb, because the drug detection is based on its half-life in the blood, and no food, no drinks will fool the test - only certain enzyme enhancers, that increase drug metabolism will work. Also, if they check hair, then there's nothing you can do, as drug traces remain or many months.
>>39056638
Literal momscience.

>>39064182
Guaranteed replies

>>39056660
They are just going to have you come back in brah. By q carbo at gnc. You'll be sitting neon green, but you will pass.

>>39064182
That's fucking pathetic tbqh

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I'm piggy backing off OPs thread.

I did an edible and smoked part of a joint a while back knowing I wouldn't see my probation officer for 27 days. Is that enough time to let it flush from my system? I had not smoked in years before that.

>>39058834
after

It makes me tired as fuck

>>39056617
You dun goofed. THC isn't watersoluble so drinking excess water won't really help, they'll most likely find something.

>>39056687
If the sample is too diluted they'll ask you for another one

>>39056617

get a package of sure gel pectin mix it with juice or something to make it drinkable. the pectin will will coat the strip test and nothing will show

>>39065544 Its worked for me close to 30 years now

>>39056617
Use synthetic u fucking moron,
Quickfix works every time

>>39065354
Youll be fine if its urine and u are active

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>>39064182
>stressed about taking drug test
>smokes drug
oh my god dude.

My experience. I had to take a drug class when I got a misdemeanor and one requirement was a drug test. I had smoked heavily for a few years and stopped for about a month and passed a test they had given me. Now I have a test for employment coming up and I stopped about 4 and a half weeks ago and test tomorrow. I am not too worried as a month is a good safe zone. I drink a good amount of water and a drink a good amount of beer and pee like a small woman, over 10 times a day even more when I drink. I am quite sure I'll pass

>>39065442
So I'll just drink tons of olive oil