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/fit/ autism thread

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Thread replies: 351
Thread images: 111

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It's that time again. Share your stories.
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>>38658360
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Every thread on /fit/ is an autism thread
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>>38658365
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>>38658376
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>>38658392
>>38658368
Never change, /fit/.
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>>38658404
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>>38658424
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>>38658404
That's the problem.
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>>38658436
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>>38658445
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>>38658452
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>>38658464
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>>38658482
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>>38658570
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>>38658578
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>>38658593
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>>38658603
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>>38658611
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>>38658452
that was alpha as fuck tbqh
>>
>social retard in hs
>get fit senior year
>serious case of oneitis for this qt friend since freshman year
>last day of school movies on and i am laying under the desk next to crush
>"anon, you have changed a lot. What would you do if I kissed you right now?
>initiate sperg defense
>"a--ask what was wrong with you?"
>she looks hurt I get up really quick to use the "use the bathroom"
>hit head on desk in my haste
>book it to car and skip rest of school
>weep inside the entire way home
still haunts me.
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>>38658637
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>>38658690
Oh god.
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>>38658713
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>>38658744
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>>38658757
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>Be me, 6'0, 145lbs lanklet with a nice face
>Yesterday
>Going out of the gym, omw to uni to play basketball with my friends
>Take bus
>Real short qt3.14 10/10 for me, 8/10 global
>Both standing bc bus full
>Two seats next to each other become free
>I go and take one, and she sits besides me
>The mutual mirin' continues, she kinda lets her arm rest against mine
>I call a friend "to check on him going too", actually just a bullshit reason for her to listen to my voice because it's deep as hell
>She mires harder, I mire back
>She's making it kinda obvious with body language she wants me to speak to her
>I tell myself I will later
>Eventually she is signing off she is getting off with two blocks of anticipation, I still do nothing
>"I will get off when she does and ask for her number, I don't mind paying the fare again"
>She gets off
>I don't
>I am regretting not doing it every second after.

I don't think I will ever make it brahs
>>
>senior year
>sitting in library doing some assignment with qt
>qt looks at me
>qt is still looking at me
>asks if i dont wanna kiss her
>w-what?
>dont you wanna kiss me?
>n-no lets get this done
>okay.....

she tried so hard to fuck me and i kept spaghetti dropping everywhere
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>first day at brand new uni
>wake up early to workout for pre class pump
>head to organic chem
>walk in 15 people qts errywere, only 3 other dudes
>pop a squat next to a cute blonde
>take out my notes and preprinted syllabus
>teacher introduces self and course
>forensic chemistry
>ohfuck.jpg
>teacher calls role
>"did i miss anyone?"
>panic mode
>too autistic to move and admit my mistake
>sit in class for 20 minutes prof keeps looking at me
>she can sense it
>"What was your name and major anon?"
>panic freeze, cant talk
>10 seconds of silence
>everyones staring
>"Are you in the right class?"
>"no"
>"why didnt you say anything?"
>"i dont know"
>get up to leave
>snatch backpack to get the fuck out of there
>i left it open
>everything falls out
>fifty fucking pencils
>fuckit.wav
>powerwalk out of class
>mfw i gave everyone a free pencil
>>
the problem for these guys is that they think that if they fuck it up once they cant fix it

which is blatantly untrue, if a girl has her coochie wet for you once she has it wet at all times (untill she was terribly drunk back then) so its all fixable
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>>38658772
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>>38658843
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>>38658851
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>>38658866
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reading this shit makes me want to kill myself
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>>38658820
Anon you could've just said it sounded interesting or something, holly fuck.
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>>38658360
Autism is a choice. Fight me
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>>38658903
nice man. shes not worth a raincheck anyway. not autistic at all proud of you.
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>>38658876
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>>38658909
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>>38658916
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>>38658772
Thank you 4 dump :-)
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>>38658928
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>>38658802
The amount of times i've done this kinda shit is unnerving. Mutual attraction takes place and I tell myself i'll do something about it but I just don't
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>>38658820
kek
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>>38658944
>>38658943
For you.
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>mfw I never had stories like that
>either because im unatractive
>or because im so autistic I dont even know
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>>38658965
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>>38658903
Actually kinda alpha desu.
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>be me
>18 yrs old
>I find out friend is my neighbor
>6.5/10, good personality
>literally a few houses away
>Wants to go and watch spidder man movie
>tfw no money, she said she'll pay
>We walk to movies
>friend keeps trying to move her head on my shoulder, I avoid
>Movie was cool, qt emma stone
>We walk back home and it gets cold
>She asks for my jacket 5x
>Awkwardly say no, should've brought own
>Walk her home
>Next day
>See her on social media feed
>Tweets and tells her friend who puts the "guy" on blast to never decline to give a girl a jacket when she's cold
>proceed to kms
>also forgot to thank her on paying me. autism.
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>>38659015
That was my point.
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>>38658979
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>>38659029
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>>38658452
stonewalled that sloot.
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>>38659051
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Happend yesterday
>at a bar with my bros
>spot a qt
>tell my bros that u think she looks good
>"fuck it, imma talk to her"
>stand next to her on the bar
>say nothing, order my drink and get back to my bros
>all looking smug at me
>not this time autism
>actually get up again
>introduce myself and talk a bit
>"to be honest, you're the first girl i chatted up like that in a bar."
>"haha, sure anon, i bet you tell that to all girls."
>her friend is makeing her leave to go on the dancefloor
>she later leaves
>see her again at the bus station
>she is with some dude who also was at the club earlier, he says goodbye
>she sees me and tries to avoid eye contact, we actually take the same bus
>during the whole ride she awkwardly stares out of the bus window to avoid eye contact with me

Felt bad, but atleast i actually did it and talked to her.
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>>38659120
You're gonna make it bro.

Instead of remembering the awkwardness on the bus, remember going up and talking to her. Your story is a victory, not a defeat.
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>>38658903
so refreshing to see, thanks for the auttism cleanse
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R8 my autism
>drunk edition
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>>38659184

God you're helpless
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>>38659184

3/5 Estonia/Latvia
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>>38659184
>goodtogo24/7
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>>38659184
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>>38658802
>get on bus
>only seat available is beside 2 qts
>getting closer to my stop
>ask them if they know where the pizza place is
>i lived here for 9 years
>they tell me and luckily it was off near their stop
>they start heading off in the opposite direction
>i ask if they want to get some pizza and ill pay
>they both agree
>have nothing to say the entire time were there
>terribly socially awkward and ask random abrupt questions every minute or so that always ends quickly
>they both are looking at their phones while i sit there eating pizza in awkawrd silence desperately trying to come up with my next question
>eventually they say they have to head home without me finishing and they get up and leave
>finish pizza and get home
>the next day i am taking the same bus
>see one of the girls
>i quickly close my eyes and pretend that im passed out drunk in the back of the bus
>wait until the very end of my bus ride >completely passed my house
>never take the only bus that goes to my home again
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>>38658802
kys my man hehe xd
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>>38659077
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>>38659299
oh boy
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>>38659184
kek'd
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>>38659281
At least you tried.
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>Be at gym
>Just finish up heavy skwaats
>Rerack weight and notice 10/10 hbb set her stuff down in the rack next to mine
>Start doing RDLs and notice her hitting ATG squats, caught me mirin
>We lock eyes like 5 times in 15 minutes
>Grab my shit and start doing other accessories
>Catch her watching me like 20 times
>fuckwhatdoido.jpg
>Finish my cardio and leave gym
>Never see her ever again

Really blew that one.
>>
not necessarily thread related but anyone have that story where the guy spilled his spaghetti talking with a girl at the gym and ended up taking dick in the showers?
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I'll contribute

>party last night
>5 story building, party is in the "penthouse" which is really just the top floor
>has a door leading to a porch outside on top of the roof
>qt 3.14 sitting on the rail
>start chatting her up, no idea what I said but I must have had a silver tongue
>next thing I know her legs are around me as I stand there and we make out
>hands me her phone so I can give her my number
>try to pass it around her back to my dominant hand so I can type as we make out
>drop the phone
>she flips shit
> makes me go get it
>get her phone back and she storms off
Fucking hell lads
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>>38659592
I wouldn't count that as autism, anon.
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>>38658975
I laugh at these stories but feel as though I would do the same things if they happened to me
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>>38659051
What happened here?
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>>38658866
That actually sounds like a pretty good friendship
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>>38659654
It isn't autism but he dun goofed
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>two years back
>friend stole the key to the weight room from a pe teacher
>sneak out there at night whenever i miss a lift day
>walk right through a party
>try not to get noticed
>girl sees me
>seperates herself from her clump
>walk faster
>she jogs over and introduces herself
>8/10
>"hi im chisty"
>uh huh
>"whats you name"
>anon
>"you go here?"
>uh huh
>shes not letting up
>"come walk with us! The party's moving that way!"
>uh huh
>unlock the door
>open it
>"WOAH, that is HELLA SCETCH!"
>uh huh
>lock the door behind me
>lift
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>>38659029
Yup
>tinder
>actually get a match
>delete the app on the spot
>>
>be me, freshman year of hs
>inexplicably attract this 8/10 tall arabian qt
>flirting with her throughout the year but don't take it seriously
>think "oh she's just a friend lol"
>one day I wore a suit and tie to school for baseball tourney the next day
>I enter the class and she immediately looks up and says "Wow anon, you're hot!" in front of everyone
>"..th-thanks"
>another time
>randomly asks me for a hug after I got a cold
>"sorry, I can't. I'm sick lol. maybe later"
>"awww. come onnn!"
>"nope"
>she continues to ask at least twice a week for a month until my cold goes away
>final time
>find out she's moving at the end of the year
>we're in parking lot on the last day talking after returning textbooks
>"I'll miss you anon. I cried last night when I thought about leaving"
>think thats weird for her to mention as I smile and say "I didn't"
>replay what I just said in my mind
>wait that's not the right response
>I look at her face and she's shocked
>give her a stiff hug and powerwalk away, never see her again

I've never had a girl show interest like she did again. Yeah she was moving but by God her body and personality were something else, I just didn't catch on
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>>38658368
True just go look at the thread about the nig that fucked up his dick
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>>38659299
I was a cocoon for 4 years. Painfully accurate
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>>38658903
whats a rain check?
do you people tip the weather?
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>>38658916
makes me kek everytime
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>>38659120
that's not that bad. You could have made it if not for the girl's friend.
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>>38658593
>tfw quick game for a quick kiss
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>>38658820
Holy shit tiptopkek
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>>38658820
IF true funniest shit ever
>>
>be me in 7th grade
>had total crush on this one girl for like 2 years now
>we hangout after school pretty much every day for the past year
>she laughs at my stupid jokes
>one day sitting in hall by lockers talking
>anon, i like you
>autismkickingin.jpg
>HAHA YEA WELL I THINK I'VE GOTTA GO HAHA
>just walk outside where parents sometimes pick up kids after bus left
>wait for 10 minutes
>see her walking by the window
>see her notice me and make confused face
>don't talk to her for another week
I'm sorry Gabrielle
>>
>>38661009
It's ok anon, that was middle school.
>>
Last night.
>be me
>uni student and cyclebro
>cycling home after 40km ride
>10pm starts raining hard, I don't mind it
>see person on bike under tree hiding from the rain
>circle back and ask if they are ok
> it's a qt grill
>chat for a few minutes, find out she lives one block from me
>our routes home are exactly the same for the next 3km
>QT:"we should hang out sometime"
>ME:"that would be great, maybe I'll see you around"
>use over-proportioned quadriceps to power away and leave her in the dust

Two night ago

>be me
>cyclebro headed home after uni
> last km is up very steep hill on which there is a small flat section where I rest for ~30 seconds
>stop for break, breathing heavily, external pump acquired, quads glistening under the street lamp
>see a qt walking her dog towards me
>seen her checking me out before while headed to/from uni
>she smiles and makes some comment directed at me
>don't hear what she said since I had headphones in
>decide not to take headphones out and respond
>speed away and use massive quads to power up hill and away from qt
>black headphones with black shirt, she probably thought I ignored her.

I've had bigger spergs
>>
i love you guys
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>>38661104

YOU COULD BE BANGING THEM RIGHT NOW

RIGHT FUCKING NOW
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>just moved into a new house with housemates.
>we decide to go out to the clubs
>housemate invites a few more people including a good mate of his and a 8.9472/10 American chick he showed up with
>we all have a good time and leave to walk home
>chicks place is in a different direction than the rest of us and the guy she came with was pretty wasted so I said I went with her to make sure she got home alright.
>while walking she takes my arms and leans in close, asking lots of questions about me
>when we get there she says something like 'thanks for walking me back...guess I should go in' while still lingering and holding onto my arm and giving me the eyes
>figure I shouldn't make a move because she's with my housemates friend and has been drinking
>untangle myself, say she's welcome for the escort and walk home.

She left to go home to America a couple of days later.
Found out later, when I told my housemate, that she wasn't that guys gf, they just came in the same car.

I'm still a kissless virgin
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>>38661192

At least your heart was on the right place anon.
>>
>be 17 or so
>chick starts talking to me on fb
>says 'you should come over today'
>then says 'btw i want to have sex with you'
>i say 'i dont really feel like having sex today but ill come over anyway'
>go over
>her house smells like dog food
>get on her bed and lay there (without touching) and watch that movie Click with adam sandler
>movie finishes and i leave
>never talk to her again
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>>38658820
>me beta fuccboi
>walk into ochm
>introduce self
>notice I'm the only guy with at least 10 qt's
>never hit on any of them

had 3 of them hit on me and one of them was the qt. It was the only time I ever felt alpha, I just want another science class full of girls
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>>38661220
>she literally told you
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>>38661220
another one, this one is recent

>having a party at my house
>housemate brings her cute friend over, she's like 28 and actually successful
>go in room and watch some movie with a few people and cute girl
>it's really cold and we are all huddled around this heater
>she comes over and sits on my lap next to the heater
>everyone sorta leaves and its just us two in the room
>sitting there, sorta playing with each other's hands
>awkward as fuck
>say 'wanna go outside?'
>go outside and immediately get stuck talking to some guy about russian lit
>she leaves without saying bye
>think about her all the time for the next month
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>>38659521
Yes. Yes you did.
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>>38661285

>she comes over and sits on my lap next to the heater
>say 'wanna go outside?'

are you fucking serious right now do explain to me why you thought that was a good idea
>>
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>>38661285
annnd another one from a few years ago

>at pub
>pub is closing
>everyone is hanging outside working out what they are doing
>qt i sorta knew comes up to me
>grabs my hand
>says 'anon how are you getting home tonight? wanna split a cab back to my house?'
>say 'nah i wanna get maccas, but ill give ya a kiss'
>give her a peck on the lips
>walk off and get maccas

sorta alpha actually


>>38661260
yep
>>
I just failed my 2 day nofap streak by fapping to anal scenes.

FUCK.

Now I'm gonna wake up tired, pale and creepy as fuck. DAMNIT

HOW
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>>38658360

>Walking home from gym
>sic pump, dressed fly af, fresh from shower
>See 3 qt blonds. One stops and walks back towards me.
>Turn 360+90 deg and walk away

She lives down the block.

Wat do?
>>
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>st university toga party
>had used multiple sheets of different colours to make a awesome toga
>looking Patrician as fuck
>after a few drinks start playing pool with some strangers
>while waiting for my turn a qt grill comes up and says hi, tells me that my outfit looks great
>asks if she can try it on
I respond with 'No, sorry but I need this to look fabulous.'
>she hangs around for a couple of minutes but eventually leaves because I'm not paying attention to anything but the pool table

>mfw I woke up the next day sober and realised what I did
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>>38661285
>immediately get stuck talking to some guy about russian lit
Where do you reccomend starting on tolstoy
>>
kek
>2011 freshman uni
>2am friday night
>playing assassins creed alone in room
>suddenly lots of knocking next door, laughing girls
>keep playing
>suddenly knocking on my door
>ignore it
>they start kicking door
>fine.jpg
>open door, what the fuck is wrong with you it's 2am
>"sorry we're just trying to talk to (guy next door), can we come in and knock on the wall?"
>wat...... whatever
>they're kicking and knocking on my wall
>i go back to playing
>one girl sits on my bed, starts chatting me up
>"yeah-ok-yeah"
>her friends leave, she stays
>still playing assassins creed
>asks me if im single
>laugh nervously while playing the game, "yeah"
>"being single is so boring"
>me "idk i kinda like it"
>"dont knock it till you try it"
>look her square in the eyes, insulted
>"how about you try leaving my room and go find some other guy to fuck"
>she looks shocked, leaves
closest i got to sex in college before i dropped out and enlisted
>>
>>38661513

>"how about you try leaving my room and go find some other guy to fuck"

that's fucking alpha man
>>
>>38658820
Just say it sounded cool and you wanted to see if is was like CSI or something and play the ignorant chad card, idk man stop freezing up thats what fucked you
>>
>>38659184
dog over text?
>>
>>38661513
alpha + >things that never happened
>>
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>guy at university who hands out free pens attached to religious propaganda
>asks two 8/10s in front of me if they wanted free pens
>they said no
>i was curious about the guy's packets (he's been doing this every day for years)
>say yes when he offers me
>i don't want the pens
>i give the pens to the girls in front of me and say, "No strings attached. ;)"
>instantly speed walk ahead of them
>look back every now and again to see them looking directly at me and smiling
>fuck
>turn the corner
>they follow me
>turn the next immediate corner
>they follow again
>turn once more
>i think i have finally evaded them
Why am I so fucking retarded, /fit/?
>>
>>38662000
still got those digits in the end
>>
>>38659299
Here's my autism story: RTS is dead due to mobafaggots.

An american tries to play brood war:
>Hmm, I can't seem to manage more than 10 units at once.
>We need to change this and dumb it down so you only have one unit.

I remember in the mid 90s I was thinking how video games would grow exponentially and RTS games would be some unbelievable 500+ player supergame where you took over huge sections of the map and it went on for days

half of lol players just jerk off to the stories and can't last more than 3 minutes in any game I ain't even making this up.
>>
>>38661965
>>38661631
i was pissed for nothing, she was just hitting on me and i took it completely wrong, how is that alpha
>>
>>38658965
I don't know why I teared up at this.
Normally, I'd laugh something like this off.
I'm not interested in having a GF either.

Just that last panel.

Those two guys hugging.
Two brothers in arms.

When will I, if I, will ever experience that sense of camaraderie?
>>
>>38658365
SAVAGE
>>
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>4 pm
>walk into gym
>hear someone say "hey buddy" a few times
>I have no gym friends, so assume it's not directed toward me
>keep walking towards changing room
>turn corner into changing room
>notice in my peripheral vision that person calling out to me was a middle aged lady benching 65lbs that was pinned under bar
>notice this just in time to see one of the other regulars rush over and pull the bar off of her
>she sits up and gives me a death glare as I awkwardly shuffle into changing room
>spend the next 15 minutes in the changing room tying and retying my shoes while trying to come up with what I'm going to say if she approaches me
>walk out towards power rack
>she's nowhere to be seen
>thank you sweet Jesus
>squat 305lbs for reps
>new pr
>3 pl8 here I come
>thank you based rippletits
>>
>>38658690
This is hilarious
>>
>>38658772
>I may be autistic

Are these stories real bros? I'm pretty fucking autistic but I've never done something like itt
>>
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Not anything super crazy but heres a short story.

>A year ago at amusement park/water park
>In wave pool getting tired of swimming and wanting to go ride Roller Coasters
>Looking for friends because I couldn't go over there alone because we [spoiler] went with our church and had to stay in groups [/spoiler]
>Go underwater because my face was hot
>Pop up further in the pool
>Looking around for friends
>Suddenly out of the corner of my eye see a hand waving at me
>It's some girl on a pool tube
>HI I'M CINDY
>Mutter back a hi and then turn around and continue looking for friends

I don't feel bad for not getting with her, I just feel bad because I was kind of rude to her.
>>
>>38658802
I know this feel. You sense that mutual attraction but you're just too pussy to make a move
>>
>>38658837
This. I guarantee 80% of the posts itt could have gotten laid if they just manned the fuck up and apologised with a dreary speech on how they really like the qt
>>
>>38658843
>It's not as cold as antarctica
eh lo eh
>>
>>38660848
History of sporting events:

>1900s
>It's raining.
>We're gonna play until the end.

>2000s
>It's raining?
>EEEEEEEEEK!
>I don't want to get WET!
>>
>>38658837

Virgin detected.

Once they see the Down's they are no longer down.

No chick wants to bang a beta.
>>
>>38658360
>getting haircut today
>tell hair dresser short on bottom and only trim top
>looks good
>shes digging in even deeper like last time
>too autistic to tell her to stop
>she takes off a shitload of hair from the middle ground of top and bottom
>my head now looks like an egg
>say thank you and leave
>go home and order a hat on amazon that ill be wearing to college
Im not cutting my hair until 2017 and im gonna be sure to show them a fucking picture this time. Autism is no joke.
>>
>>38662113
Join a sports team, I felt it all the time with my rugby bros
>>
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>>38662308
IKTFB
>>
>>38659021
> should've brought own
You're not autistic anon, you're alpha
>>
>>38662322
I look ugly as fuck. At least my hair covered up my weird skull shape and now its exposed and enhanced by the egg haircut.
Im basically eggman with muscles now.
>>
I find the lack of natty lickaroo disturbing
>>
>>38660472
Did you slam it in her face?
>>
>>38660705
>"I didn't"
Anon you're not autistic, you're alpha
>>
>>38661009
Anon it's 7th grade, everyone was an autist
>>
>>38662140
Should have told her you didn't expect her to mean you because she said "buddy." Might save her next time she gets trapped and she decides to use a different word instead of buddy.
>>
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>>38658392

Fuck that's literally me.
>>
I just remembered on lads, kill me right fucking now
>be me
>17
>day off school
>walk down to my local shops to go get some food
>get food, start walking home
>three qt grills walking about 30 metres behind me
>overhear one of the say "all we have to do is go over and talk to him"
>"b-but I've never done this before"
>get super embarrassed, double my walking pace
>look over my shoulder, all 8/10's
>Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
>cross onto other side of the street to avoid them
>look behind
>they're following me
>cross back onto the other side of the street, turn into another street and sprint home
>spend the next 4 hours home, alone, eating a meat pie and crying myself to sleep
Am I gonna make it?
>>
>>38662000
At least you got trips
>>
>>38662299
It's always fixable, other people's perceptions of you fucking change on a whim, I've known chicks for 2 years, met them when I was a chubby dweeby cunt all the way until I actually looked like i lifted and could hold a basic conversation, they were available to pick up at any point in time.
>>
>>38662308
Everyone has had this happen to them anon
>>
>on bus just exploring the town because degenerate neet getting cabin fever for once
>could be out all day and not speak to a a single person.
>bus was packed and only free spot was next to this qt 3.14 white guy.
>sit next to him trying not to spaghetti to hard, still not saying a word
>he comments he liked my pokeymans backpack (this was before normies raped pokemon)
>"t-thanks"
>notice him pulling his tablet/laptop out
>he was on steam
>remembered there was some sales going on that day
>"t-there's some sales today I think"
>"oh hey you know about steam?? not many people do"

Uh yes they do you dummy, literally everyone i know who plays video games knows about steam

>his leg touches my leg
>INNER SPAGHETTI ATTACK
>he starts pretending to push my leg with his leg
>oh god it's been years since i've had physical contact with a boy so i start sperging out
>flirt and kinda start pushing back
>he begins to play pushing his shoulder against mine
>HEAVY BREATHING AND SLIGHTLY PUSHING BACK
>i begin to sperg out and push him too hard
>he stops and backs away

pls kill me now
>>
>>38662456
what kind of logic is that?

>shit, these attractive women might like me, better run

??????
>>
>>38662516
The logic of autism

And it wasn't
>shit, these attractive women might like me, better run
It was
>shit, these attractive women are actively trying to approach me, despite having never done it before, better run
>>
>>38659184
that as an advanced case of autism there.

Story from last night
>Drinking a lot at a party
>Been beasting with my bro at beer pong
>Go to dance with the chicks
>Have my shirt off because it was the rule for if you and your friend got the ball in the same cup in one round
>Gettin mad mires
>Start talking to a girl
>Give her the, 'I can barely hear you talk from up here, want to go some place a little quieter"
>Tfw 6'4
>Make out with her in the hall downstairs
>Some guy walks by saying we can use a room down the hall
>Start making out on the bed, taking clothes off
>Dude I don't know well comes in
>The fuck are you doing in my room
>We're about 30 seconds from penetration
>Think in my head
>This is easily up there with the some of the worst times I've been cockblocked
>Say it out loud cause I'm drunk
>Everyone starts laughing, I apologize for about to fuck in dude's bed
>We all go upstairs and girl sits on my lap before we go back to my place

Is this making it?
>>
>>38662482
>females getting them autism attacks
It comes for us all, none are immune
>>
>>38662220

You are legitimately retarded
>>
>>38662482
>qt 3.14 white guy.
no homo?
>>
>>38662482
>this was before normies raped pokemon
pokemon is one of the most mainstream franchises in the first world, pal.
>>
>>38658452
pure alpha right here
>>
I fucked up pretty bad in middle and high school

>7th grade
>qt3.14 quiet, nerdy girl in my gifted program class
>doesn't talk much but very smart and pretty attractive
>almost never talk to her, but develop crush on her
>I don't have any girls that I talk to regularly, so I think about her all the time
>at lunch one day
>one of her friends comes over to me
> "anon, do you like ___?"
>she is nervously smiling at me from across the cafeteria
>"no"

>later in 7th grade
>been flirting with a 6/10 grill at lunch everyday
>she does this thing where she says "spill" and lightly bumps into me, pretending to spill my lunch tray
>see her on my way out of school one day
>she's holding a binder and talking to a friend
>walk up, say "spill", pretend I am knocking it out of her hand
>the hallway was really loud because it was the end of the day, she couldnt hear me
>"What?"
>she and her friend are staring at me
>freeze for a few seconds, then powerwalk to my bus
>never talked to her again

>8th grade
>slightly chubby girl with big tits and 9/10 face flirts with me in a few classes
>we are put in the same group for a physics project
>i make her laugh everyday, she is constantly touching me
>start designing project
>she really wants to include a piece in the design that isnt working despite two days of effort
>we only have a week to finish it
>i want to scrap the piece instead of wasting more time in it
>she says weve spent so much time we should just see it through
>i say something about that being like betting even more money after losing a bunch of money gambling
>we spend the rest of the week fighting about it
>hate each other until she moves to california in 10th grade

(Continued)
>>
>>38658966
that's literally me.
>>
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>>38662750
>one of her friends comes over to me
> "anon, do you like ___?"
>she is nervously smiling at me from across the cafeteria
>"no"
Oh god, this same exact thing happened to me in year 7.

Why did we say no anon?
>>
>>38662334
>"Sonic, I've doped up all the animals with Myostatin-inhibitors and implanted them with mind control devices-"
>*pulls out creatine, downs it without liquids*
>"-how will you fight back against this!"
>*smiles, making him look like a crack addict with 20 STR*
>>
>>38662750
>9th grade
>sit behind 8/10 colorguard girl on bus for band trip
>9 hours each way of talking, she is really sweet and interesting
>after the trip, she starts showing up before my first hour class to talk to me, tries to talk whenever she sees me in the hallways
>now that Ive had time to figure out "hey, this would be a good woman to date", I am terrified of her
>give a mumbled "hey" whenever she enthusiastically greets me
>one time she half jokingly scolds me for acting like I dont know her
>she never tries to talk to me after that

>11th grade
>my mom is a chaperone for a band trip (yeah I know I was a faggot)
>apparently she noticed that a girl had a lot of fruits and veggies packed in her suitcase
>she told my mom that she likes to try to eat healthy on the trips
>my mom told her she should talk to me, because I always eat really healthy too
>for some reason this girl actually does try to talk to me because my mom told her to
>she is an 8/10 petite cardio bunny, but kind of odd which makes me hesitant about dating her
>she starts crushing on me pretty hard
>texts me all the time
>we go to a haunted house as part of a big group of people
>she insists on riding right next to me on the way there (3 people in the backseat of a car), she bumps her yoga-pantsed leg into mine a few times, looks at me and smiles
>boner on and off all the way there
>once we get in, she gets freaked out and starts crying
>there is an option to leave after the first room
>if she leaves, Ill be the one who has to wait outside with her for an hour, so I try to comfort her
>wipe tears off her cheeks and hold her hand with arms locked together throughout the whole thing
>still never ask her out or anything because at this point in time I believe I should be completely in love with someone just to date them

This was when I knocked the h off of hkv. I still have never dated, kissed or slept with a girl.
>>
>>38662825
I got bullied pretty harshly until high school because I was really skelly-mode, so personally I thought it had to be some kind of trick to make fun of me and wanted to avoid that possibility. It hurts even more looking back because when a different girl actually did do this as a way to mess with me in 8th grade I ended up falling for it.
>>
>>38662750
>one of her friends comes over to me
> "anon, do you like ___?"
>she is nervously smiling at me from across the cafeteria
>"no"
...I've done this
>>
After about 2-3 weeks of talking to women no matter how much they obviously want the dick I'll just ghost out of their lives. I really don't know why but it happens with them all.
>>
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Whole thread reminds me of the time the ONLY girl in my life asked me out.
>Sitting in library in 10th grade with her and her friend.
>She passes me a note
>Me, in all my glorious Yu-gi-oh levels of autism opens it up and reads it
>"do you wanna go out?" or will you go out with me, something along that line.
>Confused, I ask her about it, needing clarity.
>"Will you go out with me?"
>"What?"
>"You know, like go to the movies, or something?"
>"Oh."
>"Or out to eat..."
>"OH, nah, I'm fine." in the most casual "Nah, I'm cool, I don't need that voice."
>Years later realize I must've hurt that poor girls feelings rejecting her like that.

Seriously lads, she was really nice, sweet personality.

But.
BUT.

The only thing that was holding her back, and I'm talking SEVERELY, holding her back-


her front teeth.
Stained.
Black.
Holey.
Teeth.

Still, even to this day, I feel pretty shitty about it.

Hope she got that fixed and got hooked up with someone good.
>>
>>38662843
Oh my God, I completely forgot to add a very autismo piece of the 11th grade story

>at a restaurant with some friends
>9th grade girl calls me because we are acquaintances at this point
>"do you like cardio bunny?"
>"what"
>(those two lines were repeated about five times each)
>I pretended I needed to walk out of the restaurant to hear her, but she pretty much knew I was lying
>she asks one last time
>I say "as a friend" or something gay like that

A girl who really liked me and I really liked called me two years later to ask if I liked a different attractive girl, and I sperged out then said no. Hold me.
>>
>6th grade
>cute as fuck blonde grill starts crushing on me
>literally throws papers with "hi" written on it at me
>in same science class
>doing sex-ed
>project rolls around where we get paired up and have to "make a child" and draw it based on a combination of our traits
>I get paired up with grill
>gets hyper-flirtatious with me
>I literally have NO reaction because I'm a social retard
>don't even try to brush it off, just sit there like a stone
>school year ends
>loses all interest in me

>8th grade
>cute as fuck hispanic grill starts crushing on me
>same history class
>essentially same story as before
>still socially retarded

>tenth grade
>by now I've accepted homosexuality but I'm still closeted
>crushing on baseball teammate
>literally all my teammates but him give me shit about hanging out with this girl all the time
>best friend but everyone thinks we're fucking
>teammate feels bad for me about it, stuck up for me one time
>we're really good friends because of it
>hugs and shit
>still a social retard and can't handle 9/10 times we ever interact, even just talking

>be me now
>still socially retarded

At least I'm not hugless
>>
>>38662952
Anon you're a faggot. It's literally easy as fuck to get laid as a faggot
>>
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>>38662871
Oh fuck, that just reminded me of another one.

>year 8
>in class
>very pretty girl sits leaves her friends to come and sit next to me
>half way through class leans over and asks if I'd like to go out with her sometime.
>don't really know her/her group of friends that well and I had (Still have) the automatic assumption that no one could find me attractive.
>assume she's mocking me because why would this pretty girl want anything to do with me?
>reply with 'Nah, I'm good' in a hostile tone
>she moves back to sit with her friends
>>
What do you say after "Hi" to get a conversation going?
>>
>at the airport going home from Swedistan after visiting my girlfriend
>8/10 in front of me checking in for the same flight
>looks back, smiles at me
>I stare her down through my sunglasses
>"Do you happen to know where the gates are on this airport? First time I fly from this one"
>"No."
>proceeds to keep making small talk to me, introduces herself so I just mutter my name in return
>waits for me to check in aswell, grabs me by the arm, asks if I wanna go out and smoke with her
>"I don't smoke" as I walk past her leaving her with a rather shocked expression
>mfw I happen to sit on the seats for handicapped people
>notice, panic, get up, change seat
>mfw she comes and sits on the same seat for handicapped people without noticing

Kek
>>
>>38663041
I literally have no idea anon.

How do the normies do it? It seems so natural.
>>
>>38663078
I don't have approach anxiety, I can walk up to a girl easy. I just don't because I don't know what I'm supposed to talk about. Is there a script that I can read to learn this shit? Where did alphas find the instruction manual?
>>
>>38663041
>>38663078
Try asking if she is an archeologist
>>
>>38663106
I don't know shit about building bridges
>>
>>38663110
archaeologist man, clearly the study of demolishing bridges.
>>
>>38663041
How are you?
>>
>>38663093
Your problem is you think conversation has to be high quality. I am a normie by day, and I can tell you that at least 80% of their conversations are repeating things they have heard and making observations. If you are at a restaurant, and the saltshaker is low, that is a valid topic for normie conversation. Seriously. One might say "that saltshaker is low", another might say "the food is too salty anyway", and it will turn into a pointless conversation about salt and food and might branch off into something else. When in doubt, just say something that you can observe, because that is what everyone else does half the time.
>>
>>38663041
(in caveman voice)
>you me sex
50% of the time, it works 100% of the time.

Or just talk nonstop about trains, bitches love that shit.
>>
>>38663123
>Hi
>Hey
>How are you
>I'm fine, how are you
>Good
>............................
>>
>>38663132
>Me: Hey, that saltshaker has no salt
>Her: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FUCKING MONSTER
>>
>>38663141
have you heard about the terrorist attack in town X?

>What?

Yeah it was massive (Create entire fake story about how all her friends and family are dead now)

>Oh my gosh

Just kidding


There ya go kiddo.
>>
>>38663141
>replying with good
Talk about yourself and what's been happening in your life faggot
>inb4 nothing happens in my life
>>
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>>38663132
man i hate normies
>>
>>38663137
>trains
Should I tell her about 1chan?

>>38663156
nothing happens in my life
>>
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>>38663132
Okay, so what you're saying is, bitches love salt?
>>
>>38663180
I think that was his main point. Do we have any archaeologists here?
>>
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>>38658843
>been crushin on this girl since highschool, but she was never into me
>recently got fit and she started to seem interested in me

w-will this happen? p-please tell m-me it will
>>
>>38663169
You deserve to be a kissless virgin anon
>>
>>38663199
It will happen anon, I believe in you
>>
>>38663204
>imblying
>>
>>38660766
link?
>>
>>38663231
>implying you're not
>>
>>38659184
3:24am and got me laffin like a mad man.

>im good to go

holy fucking kekzilla
>>
>>38658360

Got a great one for you guys, just happened actually.

>be me 22
>never approach a girl or be approached
>never have autistic moment

Yeah man pretty much makes me want to kill myself desu
>>
>>38658903
I see no problem here. Somewhere right now she's telling her friends about that time she got all aspie and fucked it up with that really hot guy. What was she thinking??
>>
...and I always thought I am autistic.
>>
>>38662705
google "nostalgiafag" and the first results are pokemon mspaint hate comics

franchise is literally just self made self contained circlejerks about memories 20 years ago

no other game or thing for that matter is associated this badly with it
>>
>9th grade
>in lel photography class because I dropped academic decathlon
>seated next to aspie
>am aspie
>he asks if I want to go to the mall
>I'm trying real hard to make friends
>ask who would be there
>he dodges the question
>ok whatever, let me know
>realize 4 years later that he was asking me out
>have not been asked out since
mfw no face
>>
Why is autism so funny?
>>
sexing and all that stuff isn't a thing in my country,but goddamn these autistic posts really is annoying,you all need to man up (including me kek).
>>
>>38662216
Autistic people do some autistic things anon
It's also just retardation around women
>>
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Fuck off you faggots I'm the biggest autism to ever walk the fucking earth.

>be some years ago
>skinny faggot
>uni student
>one evening I'm on the bus coming home from uni
>really pretty girl from my hometown is sitting a coupe of seats in front of me on the right
>she drops her books
>fakest shit I've ever seen
>she picks them up and sits next to me
>start talking
>have a nice conversation, we have a few things in common
>arrive at the station, say hi and part our ways

>we keep in touch but she's pretty much always the one starting the conversation
>treats me like I'm some kind of godly being who came to Earth
>kind of awkward because I'm not used to this kind of attention
>we talk a lot and she appears to be really into me
>we hang out sometimes and she's always super happy to see me
>all seems fine but I have a gf and she has a bf
>gf is insanely jealous of her
>decide to not foster relationship with newgirl for the sake of gf
>lose contact after a while
>we don't talk anymore

My (now ex) gf turned out to be a total cunt and, being blinded by love and autism, I couldn't see how into me the other girl was. We had a lot in common and I really regret losing her even as a friend.
Pic related is her
>>
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>>38663180
kekked
good luck, friend
>>
>>38663623
Odds on throwing the girl a cheeky text?
>>
>>38663642
She went to another city and lives with her new bf :(
>>
I'm never sure whether all the people I hang out with secretly can't stand me or if I actually have some ineffable likable charm I can't really detect. I always seem to get on with people.
>>
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>>38661237
>doing biotech and there's qt's everywhere
>one particularly beautiful girl from eastern europe somewhere, who's literally perfect, looks at me multiple times like she's interested (or perhaps she just thinks I'm wierd, what do I know)
>tfw I have no friends and is asocial and have no clue what to say to her
>>
>>38659521
>cardio
>Really blew that one
yeh think of all the gains you lost
>>
>>38663654

Send her a text!
>>
>>38663623
>Had a gf
>Biggest autism to walk the earth
Spend 5 minutes in /r9k/
>>
>>38663695
Just confront her after class and chat, then ask her if she's interested in going to X sometime

It's not that hard
>>
>>38663695

Don't fuck this up by not talking to her. Walk to/from your class with her. Talk about anything;classes, dreams/goals, whatever. See how she responds and if she responds positively ask her to study together/go out to eat/hangout/etc.
>>
>>38663705
autist+attractive ---> gf
autist+ugly ---> robot
>>
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I got one

>be me in uni
>pass by girl who i went to same hs with
>kinda liked her 7/10
>she opens up a conversation
>tells me she broke up with her bf
>emphasizes she's single
>i blurt out "y-you're not my type!"

Alpha r-right?
>>
>>38663704
What do I even say to her? We haven't talked in quite a long time. I really appreciate your encouragement tho
>>
>finally gain the courage to put my heart out there for a girl
>don't know if she likes me or not because I am autism and I don't know how to interpret the behaviors of grills
>go for it anyway and text her "thinking of you. wish you were here to break the boredom of the infamous night shift." because we work together and she's on a trip with her fampai
>she doesn't respond
>don't know whether she was just busy or whether she saw my text and ignored me because she is too nice to outright reject me

autism hurts bros
>>
>>38663742
Probably should wait until she is single desu
>>
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>>38659299
I guess I can dump some more.
>>
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>>38663793
>>
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>>38663800
>>
>>38663742

"I went and said hi to someone I thought was you today. Kinda awkward. How have you been?"
>>
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>>38663808
>>
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>>38663818
>>
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>have a sizable chinese cartoon collection
>figures on my desk
>a bookshelf full of LN's, manga, and DVD's
>a waifu body pillow
>random bits of other merch scattered around my room
>none of the girls I've fugged in my room have ever said a thing about any of it

I'm really not sure how to feel.
>>
Is there a way to expand all images at once?
>>
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>>38663836
>>
>>38659281
>i quickly close my eyes and pretend that im passed out drunk in the back of the bus
My sides are in orbit
>>
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>>38663957
>>
Tfw the only time a girl showed interest in you was because she was drunk as fuck..

I wish I had opportunities like this
At least im only a virgin and not a kissless virgin! R-right guys?
>>
>>38663811
do this
>>
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>>38658820
Topkek. I can already here the sounds of those pencils loudly falling on the floor in my head. Thanks for the laugh anon.
>>
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This thread makes me pretty angry. All these heteros getting oppertunities for mutual attraction here and there, and they just ruin it. As a gay guy this is something that never happens. And if it does, you'd make damn sure to use it.
>>
>>38664121
No homo, though, right?
>>
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>>38663973
>>
>>38663885
Plastic custom-made waifus are not real girls anon
>>
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>>38662825
>>38662871
Same shit happened to me in 7th grade except it was a group of her friends and I had just moved back after three years at another school.

>she started crying when she saw me in the hallway later that day
>ran past me and yelled out "JERK"
>one if her friends berated me for it
>mfw she was a popular fucking qt
>mfw everyone at that school though I was just a massive piece of shit
>>
Bought this and use it openly at gym for advanced neck gains.

Autism?
>>
>>38664262
Nigga I ain't got realdoll money.
>>
>be me yesterday inna gym
>finishing off my uppers day with wrist rolls as usual
>finish set, go to return the plates
>squat rack is being loitered by older dyels
>only other station with plate holders is bench/ohp

This is where it gets interesting

>bench is currently being used by a 8/10 qt
>only issue is she's in a wheelchair, and somehow hopped onto the bench
>I just walk back and start putting the plates away while she chills between sets of 95lbs
>she immediately gives me a weird look and says
>"Yeah don't bother putting them in the right spot or anything"
>so I start rearranging them, even though they were already out of order cuz anytime fitness
>after I rearrange a couple she just giggles and says she can do it
>at this point I just put the plates back as fast as possible and walk away, avoiding eye contact
>she laughed

Either she was akwardly hitting on me or I got bullied by a fucking crippled whore
>>
>>38659021
nothing wrong with this
>>
>>38664493
It's both my dude
>>
>>38658404
Underkeked rate
>>
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>6th grade school just got out
>on bus
>don't feel good
>bus is hot and noisy
>this makes it worse
>notice someone sat next to me
>god da- oh
>it's a qt that I've been crushing on for a little while
>she's acting real flirty
>asks what I'm doing after school
>tell her not much
>asks if I want to go get some ice cream and play mini golf
>fuck yeah I love ice cream and mini golf
>go to open my mouth and say I'd love to
>vomit chocolate milk and half digested pizza all over her
>don't even say anything
>just stare out the window
>atleast I don't feel sick anymore
>>
>be in a summer camp during HS
>all the girls were cute
>at the end fill out feedback forms of everyone at camp
>receive mine
>"such a qt <3" with a phone number in mine, written with super girly handwriting
>never call it because it's a landline and their parents could answer
>never know who it was

>be an exchange student in US
>go out to party
>meet a random qt
>they flirt with me but in just keep dropping spaghetti because autism
>drop spaghetti and go to my dorm room alone
Happened every single time I went out to party

>be at a bar with friends
>about to go back home
>no taxis to be seen anywhere
>suddenly a SUV stops and asks if we need a ride
>hell yes
>it's 2 girls earning some money running illegal taxi service at night when no taxis are around
>qt driving, chubby shotgunning
>squeeze 4 guys in the back seat with me sitting on the lap of one of the guys
>girls find out I'm not local when I open my mouth because accent
>that's to cool, speak something in your language
>no
>chubby goes "I'll let you grope my tits if you do"
>no
>insane peer pressure from friends and the girl to say something
>feel like a fucking fool speaking language no one else can understand
>forced to now feel out her tits
>disgusting cowtits held in place by industrial grade bra
>not worth it/10
>get to our place
>get out of the car
>they get out of the car
>chubby hugs me tightly and gropes my ass
>pay them and wish good night

>get grouped into an assignment with 2 qt Chinese exchange students
>both of them all over me
>spaghetti everywhere
>they still all over me but can't say it out loud
>nothing happens
>last day of semester
>go out to bar with friends
>both the Chinese girls are there
>end up dancing with one of them for the entire night
>she's all over me
>time to leave and she asks if she can come over
>Nah I gotta get up early tomorrow

cont...
>>
>>38663199
it will if u man the fuck up
>>
>>38664722
Please tell you aren't a virgin anon
>>
>>38658744
I got second Hand triggered by that
>>
>>38664722
Why can't women be more forward when they're into someone? I can hardly notice if some is trying to flirt with me due to my autism. Like I'm the last person to notice someone is into me. And even then I can't into asking them out. Social anxiety and autism prevent me from that.

I just want someone one day to straight up come to me and ask me out onto a date. No bullshit flirting and trying to make me ask them out. You want me? Well do something about it.

>>38664759
I am, at 25, after all that and much more. However it's not really a problem for me and it doesn't bother me at all. Like I could've gotten my dick wet easily but I just can't into casual sex. Casual sex isn't for me because being literally autistic and having social anxiety. Literally the best nights out I've had were when I've met a girl and we've talked for hours about politics or some other shit you're not supposed to talk about when out drinking with your friends.
>>
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Damn, I just remember that I have a story very similar to these ones.

>Be 16.
>Attend a conference.
>They throw a small party after it; attend that too.
>Spend most of it taking a shit and doing practically nothing.
>Suddenly, I see two foreigner girls waving at me.
>Go near them.
>They ask me my name and how I am doing.
>"Haha, yeah... Ugh... I, I am Anon... I'm doing nothing really hehe..."
>For like a minute or something they simply smile and stare at me, expecting me to say something.
>"Haha, that's it I guess, haha..."
>Leave.
>This was the closest I have ever gotten in my whole adolescence and adulthood to flirting with women.
>Pretty sure someone convinced them to talk to me because I am the ugliest motherfucker you can lay your eyes on.

Listen, I know the chances for this are remote, but if any of those girls are here, thank you. I am sorry for fucking up.
>>
>>38664835
>Why can't women be more forward when they're into someone?
Why would they?
It does make sense because women dont need to deal with rejection but come on
They are being hit on daily so its pointless for them to show interest towards guys since there are so many
>>
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>Be friends with an absolute qt from my classes, text sometimes but mostly goof around during classes
>After winter break, two days after new years eve she runs up to me during the first recess time and we talk a bit
>"Hey anon!!! :) I had to think about you during New Years Eve and wanted to message you but I didnt know how to"
>Literally reply with "yeah because you are retarded" and punch her lighly


She's fucking some nigger from a year above us now.
>>
>chatting to this one girl at a club
>topic of studies comes up
>"oh I can't do math, maybe you should tutor me ;)"
>"nah, what you're doing is really simple, just go to khanacademy and you'll be good"
In retrospect, I don't think I had much of a chance with her anyway.

A different girl
>Constantly making comments about how good i've been looking
>Touching arms, shoulders, back
>laughing at everything I say
>not too sure if she's interested
>at one point asks me to leave the club with her
>say no, figure I had no chance with her
>the next week she acts much different
>I think she's found a boyfriend now

Third one happened last week
>heard from someone this girl had said "anon muscles are getting really big"
>Chatting with her at a pre-drinks
>The topic of tinder comes up
>Comparing profiles
>See's one of my pictures in a tank top, snatches the phone out of my hand and says "why haven't we matched yet"
>I respond "I think I left swiped you"
>she just looks at me and walks away
>Later pretty much begs me to go to a club with just her
>Decline, couldn't be bothered
>Spend the rest of the night talking to my bro

I think I preemptively reject girls before they've got the chance to reject me.
>>
>>38664852
Because they have a crush on someone and like them? Like why wait for guys to hit on you if you already are crushing on someone? Or to try passive aggressively to flirt with them until they ask you out. I know some do it to not seems slutty but asking out someone you have a crush on isn't slutty. Going out and getting fucked by every guy who hits on you is slutty. Not that there's anything wrong with being slutty if it floats their boat.

Reminder that I'm literally autistic.
>>
>>38664908
I think i might be autistic too because it makes sense
I cant notice signs for shit, i was driving a coworker home and we went on talking about turnons and she told me big arms were a turn on, she went on to say my arms would look great in bed when i was propped up on them
I had a gf at the time but i didnt connect the dots until way later

I want to be flirted with more, maybe ill learn but i never find girls to interact with

Are we cursed anon?
>>
>>38658452

>Can I have my water back please

Alpha as fuck
>>
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>>38664837
>Those last two lines

m8.....
I don't care how ugly you are, you're being way, way too hard on yourself. Fuck, man. That hit me right in the feels for some reason.
>>
>>38658820
Fuck man, I can totally see it happening
Can't stop laughing
>>
>>38658690
Nice
>>
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>>38664908
m8, women are literally autists. If you've ever heard girls talk about dating and shit, its liking lurking in a thread just like this.

>Complete dicks to people they don't like without even realizing it
>Spill their spaghetti just from being in the same room as somebody they do like
>Constantly aware of their social standing
>Obsessed with stupid details that don't matter.

They are all /fit/-tier autists. Judge their behaviour by those standards and a lot starts to make sense.

If I wasn't such an autist myself I could take great advantage of this, but its too late for me, brah. Take this knowledge and breed.
>>
>>38658851
>the /fit/ spaghetti line

new /fit/ fag here, what's this?
>>
>>38662750
OH GOD that first one reminded my of one of my own

>5th or maybe 6th grade
>standing at bus stop
>two girls from my class walk up to me
>do you like c?
>who?
>this tall girl with red hair from the other class
>now i know who they mean
>since i was a sperg and didn't know how to react, i porbably broke her heart
>no, she's too tall

>i'm king of manlets and now think about taler girls quite often
>she still dislikes me, even though we never had any contact after that
>she's a qt and i probably worsened her height insecurities

>sorry :(
>>
>>38664980
I think we are. Though I actually don't mind being alone so it doesn't really bother me.

I do want to be flirted with also. Makes me feel all bubbly and shit when someone is flirty with me.
>>
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>at work at my desk
>overhear two girls talking about me
>one says she has a crush on me
>their voices are getting louder, they are headed my way
>panic as they get close and will know I overheard them
>as they round the corner I pretend to be asleep at my desk and wait for them to pass
A literal mastermind
>>
>game at a party where you pick dares
>"give a lapdance"
>give lapdance to the girl hosting the game
>I'm surprisingly good at it and she get turned as fuck (thank god i'm fit)
>overhear her later talking about how good it was
>I pick another dare
>"Have drysex/dryhump with someone"
>I'm a virgin and have no fucking idea what to do
>point at the girl I just gave the lapdance "okay, here we go again"
>bend her over to couch and push her back down gently to get a nice angle on her back
>grab her by the ponytail and start dryhumping her ass
>it was thicc

Everyone had a good time but christ my spaghetti was ready to go off
>>
>>38665069
"Thanks y-you too"
that's it
example:
Mcdonalds cashier: here you go, enjoy your meal
You: Thanks you too

then you realize it's inappropriate and or misused
>>
>>38658843

>shall we adjourn to the beanbag chair

l0l
>>
>>38658851
>Th..thanks. You too.
>mfw i literally fucking said the /fit/ spaghetti line

top kek
>>
>>38665132
Please tell me you followed up on this

Fucking hell all you autists make me want to kill myself on your behalf
>>
>>38665097
Being alone isnt that bad, i do miss the sex but flirting is actually better in some cases
So whats the plan anon, what do we do to find chicks to flirt with?
>>
>>38665153
Ok I see thanks
>tfw I say it all the time when I shouldn't
>>
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Don't know if this one sucks, but anyway:

>High school
>Have to go to a detention-style room for science because I attacked a kid with a chair and they wanted to keep us separate.
>One of the other people in there was a slightly emo 8/10 qt
>End up talking to her through the whole class
>This becomes a regular thing for the next two weeks or so
>invites me to a music thing
>I don't know why she did, I was a fucking mess
>I go, see she's sitting with her friends, so I stand by the window for a solid 30 minutes (fucking hell)
>She eventually sees me
>Say I just got there
>End up sitting a table over from her, ALONE
>She invites me to her table
>"no"
>I was intimidated because she was with friends
>Sits with me a few times. Music was quite loud and I was talking too quietly because autism
>2 hours pass and I don't move a fucking inch
>Show is ending and I get up to go
>She sees me leaving and starts walking over
>Looking straight at me
>I panic for, as far as I remember, no reason.
>Turn around and walk out.
>The detention thing ends because we had tests
>Bump into her occasionally in the halls
>Say "hey" in the most monotonous voice possible before quickly making my escape

This is the kicker: Those friends she was sitting with?
I was friends with them in primary school and hadn't seen them for a few years. I could have gone over and talked about old times at literally any point, if I hadn't been Elliot Rodger-tier fucked in the head back then.
>>
>>38665058
I remember that one comment about another board ( /cgl/ I think) being filled with sperg girls and how we should make a cross-board event to throw these /fit/ autists and the other boards femanons together to make a spaghetti paradise
>>
>>38658690
I never understand these. the'yre all the sam
>"anon let me suck your dick"
>"no fuck you"
>why am I so autistic guiise
I refuse to believe these are not made up. how do you "accidentally" straight up reject someone like that?
>>
>>38665254
Ive done it multiple times, its basically panic + your insecurity/anxiety self sabotaging.
>>
>>38665254
You underestimate the power of autism.

>>38665283
This
>>
>>38665254
It's because they have low self-esteem and social anxiety.
>>
>>38663041
Exploit current events or try to invoke some shared interests
>>
>>38665254
In my case it was an all encompassing fear of sex. I've been making out with a girl for 4 fucking hours with the bluest balls imaginable, all the while denying her attempts at taking it further the entire time.

The suffering is real, anon.
>>
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>talking to 3.14 whole semester
>she's not even in my class I just kept running into her randomly because she's across my classroom, I only talked to her because she had the same homework when I was working at a table in the hallway
>I always initiated but one time she talked to me in the hall not about homework and she usually never says anything, that surprised me
>last day of college semester
>run into her again for summer reg
>I walk to leave and she follows but she sits down to talk more
>she glanced at my penis like 6 times because I was still standing and wondering why she sat down because I just wanted to leave
>have a good s-s-s-summer

>college again
>3.14 invites me over to house
>"fuck I dont want to meet your parents"
>"theyre sleeping okay"
>come over snuggle for 4 hours
>only her car is there
>do this for the whole weekend
>never kiss just snuggle
>she makes sex comment/kiss comment
>after the weekend I had the realization that her car was the only one there...her parents never came out of the room to get food/drink and I went there at about 8-9pm every time
>...SHE WAS HOME ALONE THE WHOLE WEEKEND AND WANTED TO FUG

>at college party
>go to room and play vidya
>dont socialize
>girl comes in
>she plays
>flirts with me
>adds me on facebook
>lays on bed
>then when she got up she didnt push on me knee to get up, she pushed on my dick and grabbed it
>bye anon
>she communicates with me on fb
>i just ignore it because I dont know what to say

>college
>first week of class
>i drop a class but add my partner on fb
>holy fug she added me back
>she talks to me
>talk to her for about 5 minutes...didnt bother asking her out...autism strikes again

After that one, the last girl I added on fb from college was aggressive. I went to her house, and she got naked in 5 minutes. I haven't had an autistic moment since then. Also, tinder makes it easier now because I'm still a beta when asking girls out in real life.
>>
>>38665297
I used to feel like that before I lost my virginity. as retarded as this sounds, I vent trough a major mentality shift when I heard the song "I just had sex" by lonely island and Akon. after that every time I got the opportunity, instead of freaking out about how I'd perform I'd just think, doesn't matter I'll still have sex. the first couple of times I came within 2 minutes and hardly did foreplay and stuff, but in my head, it didn't matter, had sex, just like the song tells you. it's all about being a selfish twat until you make it breh
>>
>>38665311
This can't be real.. THIS CAN'T BE REAL

I refuse to believe story 2 is real
>>
>>38658979
It was a glimpse into the future. Based on the time of that post, I believe he made it.
>>
>Be house-bound for a year because reasons
>Go out drinking with m8s at the end of it
>Meet a 6.9/10 who may as well have been praying for my affection right in front of me
>Invites me to go back with her
>"I can't, I spent the last of my money on this drink"
>Offers to pay for the taxi there
>"I can't, I'll have to walk back tomorrow"
>Offers to pay for my taxi home, too
>"Look, I do want to. But its against my faith."
>No, I'm not religious.
>Go home and play Beyond Good & Evil until sunrise.

That was in January and I haven't been socializing since. Or at least, nowhere with grills.
a-at least I kissed her, r-right lads?
>>
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>>38665334
I was a kissless virgin at the time. I had a boner the whole damn time too, took me like 6 minutes to pee because it wouldn't go down. I shoulda just grabbed her ass once and it woulda went down
>>
>>38658820
>Organic chemistry
>Qts
You should have known shit didn't add up
>>
>>38665377
Please stop sharing. Just kill yourself. You have no use on this planet.
>>
>>38665377
Literally why?

At first I was empathetic, now I've come to fucking despise you all
>>
>>38665137
>gave a lapdance & dryhumped a girl without spilling the spaghetti

congrats, but did you fuck her?
>>
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>See new qt3.14 7/10 grill with 8/10 ass in gym
>catch her looking over at me so I smile at her
>she darts her head in another direction and starts avoiding me
>think I must have done something weird so get nervous and start avoiding her and avoiding eye contact with her
>a week goes by of this happening every day at the gym
>do a heavy set of deadlifts and have most of the gym watching my set
>she nervously walks up to me looking at the ground mostly
>"you're like my man crush"
>am completely dumbfounded so start spilling spaghetti and say "oh, haha t-thanks..."
>Continue to avoid eye contact with her and avoid her
>see her visibly sad and trying to hold it back
>still do nothing
>don't see her at the gym again for months
>she comes back with a dyel boyfriend

AUTISM
>>
>>38665438
This.

I have no sympathy for anyone in these threads.
>>
>>38665438
Honestly, because my friends were there and I thought they'd laugh at me for having sex with a girl.

Yes I realize how stupid a thought that was and I can't explain it. Especially considering I was the only one to even have the opportunity that night.
>>
>in ARMY
>hanhing out with qt in right light girl from another battery
>we watch movies every weekend
>shes always telling me i smell godd or somthing similar
>spaghetti response everytime
>she grabs my arm
>wow your muscles are bigger than i thought how are you so week than
>never did anything that needed strength b4 in front of her
>what do you mean week?
>well you chould never beat me in combatives i bet
>im good at combatives only ever lost one fight good technical
>i call bull shit
>she hops on me end up on floor
>quickly roll her off flip her around picker her up and pin her on the couch
>she starts thrusting her hips on my junk i get a stiff one
> i think i won quickly get off her
>she kept trying to provok me the rest of the night
>i already beat you stop

I spent the rest of the movie with a boner and when it ended went to my room to rub one out she would always hug me and ide tense up. Once while watching a movieshe rested her head in my lap and my throbbing boner was literally making her head bob up and down and she just laid there for like 10 minutes i was to autistic to ever try any thing
>>
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>>38665505
>actually wrestled in sexual positions but didnt do anything then cuddled

wooowwwwwwww
>>
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>>38665505
>i already beat you stop

Well, you're a winner in my eyes, bro.
>>
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I go back to college next semester, going to be 22 in my second year. Hopefully, my autism is gone, my goal is to nut within the first two weeks. Cant wait to see all the 3.14's
>>
>>38662140
what kind of retard calls someone by saying buddy? If you are trapped, you might want to say "help" or something.
>>
couple weeks ago
Extreme cliff notes

>go out drinking with girl
>flirting the whole night
>she's practically throwing herself at me
>in the elevator down from the bar she's expecting us to make out
>I push her out of the way and get out the elevator
>she says we can do whatever I want
>I say I want to go home
>she gets sad
>starts crying

A-alpha
>>
>be 18, first month of uni, deadly awkward around girls, maybe made out with 5 at the most never had anything close to sex
>be at a party, pick up a bit older girl(22) for some reason
>walk her home
>she starts talking about how she shouldnt do this and im probably still a virgin
>lie and say i slept with 2 girls in high school
>she invites me in
>be completely oblivious to that this means sex
>""Nah its getting late, i should be getting home, i'm tired as hell''
>get her number go on date and get rejected after
>almost 6 years later have still only slept with 2 girls because of crippling obliviousness to signals
>>
>working at store
>old man asks if I'm looking for a girlfriend
>tell him no that I'm working
>>
>>38665609
was skeleton at the time at 68kg at 178.
6 years later be 30kgs heavier but gained tons of fat as well, years of lifting didnt help i guess.
>>
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>tfw women never approach you
>>
>>38665505
>Once while watching a movieshe rested her head in my lap and my throbbing boner was literally making her head bob up and down
You make e\me want to cry

Please tell me you aren't still a virgin
>>
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>>38663489
it really isn't
>>
>>38662112

Yeah its not.

They are autistic to because they not getting the tease either
>>
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>>38665505
Me again this will be a long one
>qt girl (this time in my battery)
>almost everyone in my battery knows im a vigin (im all about honesty)
>warrent officer (who for some reson see potential in me) will try to help me
>were in the field for a few weeks he pulles me aside
>what do you think of "girl"
>i dunnon why
>you should ask her out
>i think she has a man
>well i asked (her nco) and he said shes not with any one shes just having fun
>oh ok
>no im aspi im not gunna ask her out
>we get back from the field while were on zero day unloading allthe truck she approaches me
>hey anon you going to the army ball
>its at the end of the week
>ya unfortunatly. Chiefs making me go
>all i wanted was to catch up on the work outs and sleep i missed while in the field
>haha yeah (our platoon sgt) is making me go
>oh that sucks.
>i proceed to drop the conversation and talk about guns with battle buddie
>go to Army ball were at same table
>nospagegettitoeatbutistilldropit.webm
>wait till food is served eat than hide in the bathroom for three hours just sitting on a toilet browsing 4chan i even took a nap
...... more comming
(Pic a shirt i own got its as a joke because everyone knows anyway
>>
>>38665643
m8 I'm literally in tears of laughter reading this thread. If anons had already lost their virginity 90% of these posts would have ended up with them smashing
>>
Last week
>"the dogs are so cute anon, whats their name"
>"this ones wolf, this is dogmeat. And youre natalia:)))"
>"woah anon this convo is going the wrong way. Anyway I gotta go, seeya!"
>The tone is still casual at this point
>But i call out behind her "just so you know i wasnt flirting with you ok"

She goes to same gym as me. Should i change gyms?
>>
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>>38665505
>boner made her head move

I don't understand, she just ignored it and you didn't say anything either
>>
>>38665058
that's an interesting way to think about women. I can get behind this logic.
>>
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>work at hotel
>an italian film crew stays the night
>pretty hot girl is among them
>catch her eyeing me occasionally
>at one point walking along a long corridor
>she appears at the other end, walking towards me
>we come in eyecontact
>time feels like its going slow-mo
>the closer we get to eachother, the slower time seems to pass
>when were like 2.5meters apart she gives me a sexy smile
>i respond with pick related
>no more eyecontact during their stay
>>
>>38658570
>you're battle tiger is good to go?

the fuck is this
>>
>>38665697
Hahahah this can not be for real
>>
>get invited to the school dance
>new to the school but have made friends by now
>for some reason chad thundercock took me under his wing
>he hooks me up with a qt that's interested in me
>too much of a chickenshit to talk to her properly
>hoverhanding like mad in any pictures
>she wants to go dance
>I-I uh I need to go to the bathroo first
>duck out
>walk to the bathroom and fuck around for a minute
>walk by the cafeteria ok the way back
>see some guys crowded around a TV
>what's going on in here?
>Smash Brothers tournament.
>neat
>forget about the dance
>get in on the tournament
>girl was really pissed off at me
>chad was baffled because she was apparently gonna fug me afterwards
>atleast I won that smash brothers tournament

I'm sorry I let you down, chad.
>>
Not really that relevant to this thread but

>party at friend's house
>am slightly tipsy-wipsy
>out of alcohol (BYOBeer party and shops are closed
>decide to go alcohol scavenging with a close buddy of mine
>end up drinking some whisky inside a closet we found in said closet (pretty big closet)
>talking shit for a while, having a smashingly good time
>suddenly friend jumps over me and pins me down
>try to get out of his grip but he's stronger and larger than me
>he whispers in my ear "Now i've got you.."
>starts kissing my neck
>im wtf'ing while laughing and trying to get im off me
>he won't bulge and kisses rougher, biting my neck
>manage to kick him in his balls
>his penis is erect
>he gets off me crying a bit from pain
>I say "i go, you stay for a while"
>he "ok"
>go back to party
>try to act cool
>a friend notices the hickeys on my neck
>try to shrug it off
>friend won't leave it be, asks incessantly who i'd been fooling with
>closet friend suddenly appears to the room
>slurs "shh... Anon just fell on a closet... door..." >winks at me and does the zip-mouth motion on his lips and winks
>awkward as fuck party afterwards
>forget about ut
>>
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>>38658820
so many ways to avoid making it a big deal and sperged out in everyway imaginable.
>>
>>38658965
Love it :D
>>
This one happenned just the other day in /uni/

>washing dishes in the dorm sink
>some grills are in there cooking something
>one of them says "heehee, do you think you could washes my dishes too?"
>im grumpy about homework ao i curtly respond "no"
>she says "sheesh i was just joking!"
>i just glared at her for a couple seconds and left
>alpha as fuck

Tbh they weren't necessarilly mirin' but i was a pretty big dick for no reason
>>
>>38661513
I've done similar things, you regret them so hard but that bitter and spiteful part of you kind of feels good about them too.
>>
>>38665748
So how bad did i fuck up? Please dont exaggerate. Ill believe you
>>
>>38662080
Supreme Commander Forged Alliance was a big step in that direction but casuals didn't like it. And here we are.
>>
>>38658424
that physically hurt. fucking hell
>>
this shit has nothing to do with fitness
>>
>>38662112
Alpha isn't a why. It's a what.
>>
>>38658424
Fuck I just re-read this, she 's practically begging for it
>>
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not sure if autism or alpha. happened last night
>been fucking mids on tinder
>meet up with 5
>shes up to a seven by the time im done drinking
>back to her house
>things move along
>bust one
>"anon can you get my purse out of my car?"
>whatever. i oblige her
>"anon if you want to stay with me tonight, I can take you home tomorrow"
>no fuck u pumpndumb BABY
>"thats ok. i will walk, hit you up tomorrow."
>soon as I walk out of her house i unmatch her
>i never give out my number so I am feeling pretty good about things
>get lost walking home at 1am
>no idea where i am
>phones dies not that i have friends to pick me up anyway
>fuck this should have let her take me
>4am and a few miles later i manage to make it home
>thank god
>look in my pocket, see these
>fuck
I dont even know her last name
>>
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>>38658360
>Be autistic fuck
>Into rpgs and gaming
>Want to get /fit/, but can't find the motivation
>Get an idea
>Write myself a character sheet
>Workouts score me xp. I use xp to level up my 'stats' (Strength, Dexterity, Endurance, Luck, Stamina and Intelligence)
>The idea of 'levelling up' through working out appeals to my autism
>Little workouts here and there award me small bonuses, like 50 xp.
>Trips to gym award me more depending on how long and hard workouts are. Anything between the 100 - 200 xp range.
>Have a list of sidequests, e.g. "complete a ten mile run" and shit like that.
>I don't tell anyone else about it; it'd be social suicide, so instead I just keep all my stats and skills jotted down in a notebook I keep hidden in my car.
>Fast forward to about six months ago. I'm giving my friend a lift home and he starts routing through my shit like an asshole.
>Finds my stat-book
>Reads my stat-book
>"you a tabletop gamer or some shit, anon?"
>Reply "sorta-kinda" and change the subject
>Mfw I managed to keep my retardation under wraps
>Mfw I'm making it
>Mfw I maxed out my Stamina the other day
>>
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>>38665718
I AM FUCKING DYING THIS CANT BE REAL
>>
>>38666170
>workouts score me xp
>i use xp to level up my stats
hahahahahahaha good god anon
>>
>>38666129
Autistic as fuck
>>
>>38666170
There's an app just for that
LifeRPG
I use it
it's nothing to be embarassed about Anon
>>
>>38666226
I may check this out.
>>
>>38666129
So what are you gonna do?
>>
>>38666200
Fuck off, beta, I bet you play healer in mmos and dump all your points into dex like a bitch
>>
>>38666245
i dont know. i dont have a car so i was thinking about posting something on the student page in fb
>>
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>>38666239
>no iOS version
I'm regretting this fucking phone mire and more each day.
>still have another year with it
>>
>>38666252
W-what's wrong with being a healslut?
>>
>>38665254
Fear and extremely low self esteem.

I had a girl, a 7/10 I had a huge crush on, hit on me for almost a year back in HS. Finally one night she texted me and asked me over several times. I stopped responding and cried myself to sleep.
>>
>>38666269
>Not wanting to play DPS and go for the glory

that and nobody ever respects the healer. You bust you ass keeping them alive and they turn around and bitch at you for letting them die when they charge ahead and get themselves cornered.
It's a thankless job, anon.
>>
>>38666226
how do i use this app it seems stupid
>>
>>38666270
>Fear and extremely low self esteem.
This so much. Would make out 4 or 5 times with this almost perfect girl while drunk, continue to be hit on by her for about a year but never actually do anything about it, because fear and low self esteem stopped me from ever going beyond texting. The thought of meeting her and then ruining it by being a fucking sperg was just too much.
>>
>>38666314
What do you not understand regard its usage?
>>
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>go to church
>trying to make friends
>two guys come up to me and ask what I do for a living
>I drive
>oh haha we think youre a cia agent
>start sweating profusely
>wife laughs me the rest if church
>tell my wife theres something wrong with the sweater she got me

Same place
>trying to be friends w the pastor
>my brain is hardwired from talking to girls so much more than men
>ask him what he's doing tonight
>cut him off and tell him we're going out to eat at seven and I'll pick him up
>he looks at me like I just pissed on the altar

I got laid plenty but still had my moments
>taking girl home from work I've known for a decade
>solid 9/10 blonde, nice tan, shorter and hotter looking Rikki Six
>tries to give me money for gas
>try to stuff it in her shirt then ass crack playing around
"Ooh I like it anon"
>"do ya now?"
> pull up to house
"Anon do you wanna come inside...?"
>"no I'm in ahurry"
> speed off into the night
> months later
> invites me over to make food
> ends up watching a movie in her basement after eating
> start rubbing her back
>shesbeensquating.jpg
>she gets up to lay over me with her belly on my cock
>start massaging her ass and crotch
>a decade of sexual tension is about to be fucked into oblivion
>thinking about ripping her jeans in half and fucking her on the spot
>movie ends
>go home

Give me sweet death
>>
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>>38666308
My life is a thankless job.
>>
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>>38665031

I am 5'5 man...
>>
>>38658903
>>38658908
whats a raincheck I'm not native englando
>>
>>38666464
when plans have to be rescheduled to some circumstance, like bad weather or a cunt dipping out on you. we call it a rain check. i actually had something similar happen to me last night.
>>
>>38666464
Basically rescheduling something because something came up. It originated from early baseball games where you would get a check for the next game of the one you were at when it was rained out.
>>
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>>
Plenty of good screencaps itt

I'll be posting a few on r/4chan :")
>>
>>38658843
>"nah its fine, I'm a man. Its not as cold as Antarctica"

burst into laughter.
thanks for the dump
>>
>>38658360
Thats why I do my best to look as angry and intimidating as possible all the time so that noone, especially not girls, will ever talk to me. No BS, its true
>>
I guess I could contriboot...

>1 year deep into /fit/
>new years eve with best friend and his gf
>they invited another girl who was into me
>take LSD
>fast forward few hours into tripping, the other girl wants me to go to bedroom to trip out with her
>"n-no, im not in the mood"
>go to my friend's room
>he is making a pillow fortress
>"hey man"
>"hey anon"
>"can i kiss you?"
>"no im married"
>"k"
>...
>"no homo?"
>"no homo"

I aint even gay ffs
>>
>>38659558
wow he really fucked up didnt he
>>
>>38667117
they ended up getting together so idk maybe it was fate
>>
>>38658452

god amongst men
Thread posts: 351
Thread images: 111


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