Shit Dyels Say

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> i wanna get big, can you give me a good lifting routine?
> what you need is to eat a proper diet, here's a example diet i made for you
> no i just wanna do the exercise part to get big

mfw

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>>38549201
Man I just started doing some c-calisthentics? I'm getting so ripped man. What's the point of the gym when you can use your bodyweight for free?

I lift

>1/2/3/4 is impressive

>>38549201
Not everyone wants to get big. If they want to get just get toned(achievable by lifting weights), then all the power to them.

>>38549201
>just toned
>just a little TONED
>I don't even wanna get big
>Toooooned
Why do they use this word

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>>38549201
Zyzz who? Is he some kind of bodybuilder? I'm sorry anon I'm not into that kind of stuff like you hehe.

>>38549247
bodyweight stuff is rad though

>>38549240
My fat friend who has been lifting as long as me has no diet or food discipline. Both of us in college now and he tells me
>"yeah man I totally cut out soft drinks now! I drink only water and chocolate milk"
>hey man that's good, chocolate milk is great on occasion post workout
>"oh well I drink it with like every meal about a glass full"

...

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBRG4RkE51Q

>>38549201
>How can I get my biceps to be as big as yours?

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>>38549201
>I just don't have time to go to the gym
>we have the same work schedule
>knows everything that's on tv
mhmm

>younger cousin wants to be big and strong like me
>asks for advice on diet and nutrition and stuff, literally bean pole
>tell him to eat way more and lift but he says he's never hungry
>recommend GOMAD or a mass gainer to make it easier
A few weeks pass
>texts me a bunch of mass gainers asking which to get
>tell him you literally can't go wrong with optimum nutrition
>asks me if it'll work if he doesn't lift and just Eats it
>ummmmmm no dude you'll get fat as shit it's like 2000 extra calories a day
>"what if I jog while I take it?"
>no dude it won't work it's supposed to provide nutrients to help u rebuild and grow faster along with calories
>"I just want to grow muscles but I don't want to go to the gym. I really don't care if Imy even strong or not I jus want to look big like you. Is there a shake I can take to get more size without having to workout?:
>start ignoring that fuck tard

>>38549201
bodyweight training is better than lifting anon because when you gain muscle your body gets heavier and then the exercises get harder and that way you gain even more muscle

>>38549276
I don't think the problem is that they don't want to get big. It's that they think there's different exercises for growing body builder muscles and building "just toned" muscles.

>oh I don't go to the gym I don't want to get too big but I'd like some more muscle.

>>38549201
>Yeah I know we've been dragging my ass to the gym for the past month anon, but I figured I don't need to go there anymore since I bought this new bike :^)
He's got hands (and legs) as thick as sticks and wanted to gain some muscle.
But behold, burn your membership cards because, from now on, biking makes you ripped.

>I just want my gymbro back

>>38550011
this isn't your blog

just bike TO and FROM the gym as extra exercise. with your logic you could say, "burn your bike cause inline skating gets you ripped"

>>38550057
>american reading comprehension

>>38549201
Heard some skinny freshmen saying a classic

>my legs are natural big so I don't have to do anything for them to grow.

Then he was talking about doing like 30 reps of light weight. Obviously he watched a piana video and took it too heart.

>>38549873
similar experience
>friend says he wants to get big like me
>take him to the gym for half a week, he hates it
>he leaves for vacation
>comes back a week later
>tell him to come to the gym again
>comes up with the absolute most bullshit excuse I've ever heard
>"well I don't want to go to the gym for a week and then not go and then go again, That would be weird
>areyoufuckingserious.jpg
>yeah I don't think i should go anymore
>tell him he just made the worst excuse in human history
>"no, really"
>fine then, just do pull ups and push ups for now
>asks me if there are any shortcuts
>no, just do the fucking work
>checkmate

About a month later
>hasn't done any exercises
>he says he wants to go the the gym again
>tell him he's just saying that because he's feeling guilty about being lazy and won't actually make the commitment
>he says he really wants to
>I tell him if he consistently does SS for 2 months I'll go to the gym with him and teach him (didn't want to waste my time training him because it takes time away from my lifts and he's going to quit anyways)
>tell him to read the /fit/ sticky

another month goes by
>hey anon, I figured I'm going to start SS+GOMAD but I don't want to lift weights, what will happen if I just do GOMAD and don't lift, I'll still get big, right?

haven't talked to the fuck since

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>>38550248
>asks me if there are any shortcuts
oh yeah for sure. people just choose to do things the hard way. shortcuts aren't popular you know.

arms and abs bro its all you need

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>>38550248
>what will happen if I just do GOMAD and don't lift, I'll still get big, right?
Well technically, yes. He'll probably get very big, just not in the way he wants

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>>38550248
>what will happen if I just do GOMAD and don't lift, I'll still get big, right?

>>38550057

What has that got to do with the post at all you tard?

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>>38550248
>I don't want to lift weights, what will happen if I just do GOMAD and don't lift, I'll still get big, right?
We need to nuke your friends home at least 100 times and then send Delta Force in hazmat suits to make sure he's dead. Not even joking.

>I want to lift weights but i'm just too lazy
Acknowledging your faults does not excuse them.

>>38550757
Gay

>you can't get big and strong without barbell squats and deadlifts

>>38551150
You are a faggot sir

>friend asks me to take him to the gym
>sure
>weigh him, take bf and measurments
>hand him workout sheet and nutrition plan
>go to gym, show him how to do the basics
>he looks longingly at the machines the whole time
>back at my place
>hand him standard issue post-workout shake (oats, skim milk, banana, some dark chocolate shavings, almonds, measure of unflavored whey - 800kcal, 50g of protein)
>"no thanks, drinking a milkshake would make all that hard-work pointless"
>he plans on not eating for at least 4 hours after training because he read somewhere "that for 4 hours after working out your metabolism shoots up and devours all your fat if you don't eat"
>waste breath explaining why that is ridiculous
>sorry bro, but I trust science over you
drink his shake too, fuck him

Why would I wast time in the gym instead of enjoying life by going clubbing with friends. Yolo.

>>38551719
people who say shit about how something I do related to the gym is wrong because they read something somewhere seriously triggers me.

mate i've been going ot the gym for a year now im brtty big you think i've literally done no fucking reserach into how any of this fucking works you fucking fat piece of shit.

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I see way too many DYELs on /fit/ claiming people smaller than this are on steroids.

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They start of with the best intentions then they realize the work and effort we put into it and quit after a week or two.

>>38549201
> I don't need to do legs, my upper body is way weaker than my lower anyway

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>>38551919
>dude, girls don't even CARE about legs

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>>38549265
Pls delete

>friend is bulky, but absolutely no chest
>it's just a flat plank where chest should be
>I start getting him to lift
>can't even bench 20kg properly
>"yeah brah, I think I'm gonna stop, I don't want to get all puffed and with wide shoulders"

It's hard.

>>38549201

Moved to a new state

How to find gymbro?

>>38549201
>One of my best friends is kinda obese
>He never worked out in his life
>He is often miring me
>I asked him to join me at the gym
>"Anon, I am probably more muscular than you. It is just covered under a bit of fat"
>Shows off his huge fatceps
Feels bad familia

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>>38549201
>I'll start soon

>>38549318
these guys never get do doing the advanced shit tho, all they do is pushups and situps and expect to get jacked

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>>38552270
>fatfriend wants to pull off a hairstyle
>tell him he needs to lose weight first
>"i'm gonna"

Yeah right m8 that's why you've been a fat fuck your whole life

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>>38552298
>"idk man, I've been at it for two weeks and i'm not really losing any weight, I guess I'm just meant to be fat"

>>38552241
hate it when these delusional fucks start pulling that crap.

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>>38552277
Checked

>>38549201
>You should do SS.

>>38552277
This is the reason why cali has bad reputation for muscle building.

>>38552270
>I´ll start after new year

>>38552386
i don't follow

>>38552539
I think he's saying that calimuscle is huge and claims to have gotten that way in prison with bodyweight exercises.

Yeah it was definitely the advanced varieties of push-ups and not all the tren he could get his hands on.

>>38551802
this holy shit

>>38549278

I really think they mean getting a pump. Their limited vocabulary translates this to tone for some reason.

>>38551916
watch out anon

he's coming for you...

>>38549247
>tfw when this one guy does only calisthenics at my gym - and not even using the monkeybars or anything, just push ups and similar.

>>38552666
Nice trips, Satan.

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>>38549873
>>"what if I jog while I take it?"

>>38549201
My friend is the same, a 2 meter long skelly. Did 100 push ups in God knows how long and brushes me off when i tell him too go strenght training, because he wants to get stronger
Meamwhile implying that push count as strenght training as an adult, I was doung 1 armed push ups at 17 for Christ sake. Fucking skellies man, i don't get them

>>38549201
>>38549201
Not everyone is as big as you anon, blablabla muh genetics

>>38549247
You deserve a cookie

>>38549280
lurkMOAR fagget

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>>38551916
>I ain't eating massive carb loads
>with the exception of rice and pasta
literally what

>>38549265
Dyel tells us what dyels say

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>>38550057

>pathetic neet "friend" keeps sperging and ranting in our chatbox
>tell him to lift or do something productive
>he tells me he doesnt want to turn into a meathead like me because he was strong enough to break a screendoor by kicking it
>few weeks later he told us his doctor advised him to exercise after a checkup
>asks me to help him out but im too busy with school and work and that he just needs to check beginner workouts like SL, splits...
>he doesnt do anything about it
>he continues to play on his Nintendo while I'm close to 4.5pl8 deadlift

>>38552241
Fuck I had a fat kind-of-friend in high school who was just like this. Always bragged about how big he was, acted tough to skinny kids, bragged about how easily he could curl 20 pound dumbbells.

>be skelly 53kg 180cm
>ask fit friend about going to the gym with him
>he says sure
>know a decent bit about fitness
>he helps me fix my form and shit
>it's been 7 months now and I'm still going

Reading all these stories about people who gave up because it's hard is great motivation

>You need to squat below parallel

Stfu im squatting 3pl8 dont even talk to me until you are too

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>>38553943
so you quarter squat big weights to please your ego then act above people with proper form trying to give you legitimate advice?

>>38549905
:/ >:( get out.

>>38550057
burn the bike it's fucking with your brain.

>>38553943

There would be a lot more people squatting 3 pl8 if they did quarter squats like you ego lifter

>>38553517
"pasta" :/ i saw that too.

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>>38549201
>what, again ?didn't we just go to the gym ?

>>38549278

without realizing what is actually happening their bodies, they mean reduce their bodyfat perc to a level that reveals muscle definition but not to an extent that they appear annorexic or that they appear bodybuilderish if their exercise actually produces additional muscle mass.

OK, you dumbfucks? That is what toned means. Stop acting like some bunch of superiority complex faggots because you think the bullshit you know as "the sticky" gives you some kind of superior knowledge over "normies."

>>38554252
>you think the bullshit you know as "the sticky" gives you some kind of superior knowledge over "normies."
it does though. even knowing the extreme basics of nutrition is more than the average person

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>>38552333
Checked.

>>38554003
Woeeh buuurned by trappy-chan

>>38554003
>>38554027
1pl8 12 rep squats detected. How are formbabbys not "ego-lifters" using form as a defence for why their lifts are so low

>>38555010
8 - 12 reps is tje sweet spot to build strenght AND mass at the same damn time

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I find that the people who got into fitness themselves and without any friends or family telling them to are the ones who tend to stick with it.

Like the people who looked into it themselves and just started going to the gym alone. Because they build up that self-motivation instead of relying on some buddy to force you to go.

If these people have some person telling them "Cmon man, just go to the gym", they feel like they're being forced, which ruins the motivation even more.

IMO, don't even try to help those who lack their own motivation in the first place. It's a lost cause

>>38549676
kek
I fucking hate these planet fitness comercials

I'm dyel and I always tell myself I'll start working out soon.
I mean it's my summer break I can't workout. I'll start in October when classes start again...

>>38555241
This makes sense

>Deadlifts don't work

>>38549247
we are with the vipers!!

>>38555241
I wish Tidus and Yuna were real and my friends

>>38555658
Anon I didn't ask for these feels

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>what ab exercises do you do

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>>38549201
my favorite
>My back hurts, what do?
>Exercise
>Except that ofc :^)

>>38551802
He says on a message board that regularly tells new users to ignore the advice of personal trainers and trust internet strangers instead

>>38552078
kek

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>>38555762

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>>38554245
>Leaving the gym

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>>38549265
>implying you lift 1/2/3/4

>>38549265
What is 1/2/3/4

>>38556889
See >>38553592

>>38552161
Wear a shirt that say 'I have no friends' to the gym. Wait for inquiries.

>>38549201
you know, I really don't wanna leave humanity behind

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>>38557285
Is this good enough?

>>38551919
> I dont lift for legs, I run to train my legs

>>38549265
Noob dyel here. Just started ss a week ago. How long approximately does it take to hit 1/2/3/4?

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>>38557348
>roommate is spooky skeleton runner
>wants to start lifting to gain weight
>'don't need to squat, I do legs every day'
>load up a barbell and have him prove it
>he can't squat 60 lbs
>tell him he will now be squatting
>he complies
sometimes you just have to show them

>>38557370
1 year or less 2bh
Will be longer if absolute skeleton

I work as a professional personal trainer that serves luxery rich types.

>I have a food psychologist
>I eat an acai bowl everyday (60g sugar)


other types of examples are like this
>I dont like squats or lunges, it bothers my knee, I can do bodyweight fine though
>shows her a study about how weighted lunges and squats only put stress on the hip and does not increase force/stress on knee
>still adamantly says heavier will hurt their knees

>I had a bad back 5 years ago, so I cant do this
>show them a client that has 2 spinal fusions, 2 fake knees, 2 fake hips squatting 450 effortlessly and can easily walk compared to 1.5 years ago when I started he couldn't walk without a limp
>yeah but he must have good genetics

this one happens 1,000,000 times
>Let me ask (my overweight, balding weak father/son/husband/boyfriend) about training
>never comes back

I can imagine the dyel husband saying "fuck, I can train you"

But, because I run into the same people a lot, I always love seeing them regress and look worse while I and my clients look better every time.

>>38557409
Used to do brosplits. How does 6 months sound?

Yeah I do a split

>>38557415
how much do you charge?

>>38557423
jump on high doses of halotestin and you could probably reach it in two months or less if youre rushing so much

>>38549201
I've come to realise I'm a dyel.

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>>38550057

>>38549247
>tfw calisthenics guy at gym
>6 flat 190
>one armed pull ups
>dragon flags for eons
>explosive push-ups onto a fucking box
>when raping the heavy bag the whole gym experiences explosions

What a man

>>38558050
>Dominik Sky is that you?
I'm impressed. Shit like that takes years of hard work and experience. I'm just tired of the dyels who do a couple of push ups and crunches and call it "xalisthenicths."

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>>38558156
Affirmative.

>>38550313

i mean technically juicing is a shortcut

>>38557348
best friend who literally just runs and does pushups and gets "huge"
>dude why do you do squats, just run

>>38551053

you speak as though the person saying this is trying to avoid judgment. maybe they're just stating a fact.

>>38549265
Wanna post your amazing body and show all these DYELs how right you are?

>>38549201
don't confuse the muscles then!

>>38557330
yeah, that shirt 100% says you have no friends

i know a guy who used to wrestle and lift and shit but stopped and is now super obese... he still stocks his cabinet full of sugar-laden protein bars and whey and thinks he still needs them.

i... don't get it.

>>38558566

not in 2016 when pokemon is a thing again.

>>38557330
>>38558566
My friend and I both have that in tank form and wear it to the gym and around and err body loves it.

>>38558666
nice trips, Satan.

>>38549637
There's nothing wrong with chocolate milk

>>38557370
1-2 yrs

depends on effort, genes, athletic background, starting bodyweight/composition

from skeleton dyel status it may even take over 2 years lmao

>>38555241
i actually got into it cause i saw how yolked my friend was getting. couldn't let him beat me

>>38557348
What the actual fuck? couldn't squat 60 lbs? When i was skelly 150 lbs I could squat almost twice that. Are you sure he didnt just have shit technique or something?

>>38557401
>lifting to gain weight

Eating makes you gain weight, not exercise. Unless your exercise is shoving lead skewers into your body.

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>>38562132
>literal interpretations
stop

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>>38562232
He's right though. Learn to communication clearly faggot.

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>>38555897
>free-floated barrel
>clamp on bipod

>>38557370
I was 125lb 6' when I started, took me 2 and a half years

>>38553943
As someone who squats 3pl8 below parallel, you're being a little bitch

>>38553800
>tfw ive been neglecting doing deads since i fucked up my back
all healed up and gonna have to PR tomorrow, thanks for making me feel like shit for dropping this exercise for so long anon
(i mean that for real no sarcasm)

>>38549265
lmao

>>38549278
Because they don't care about being big or strong, they just want to look good and they don't see the enjoyment in lifting so they want to spend as little time as possible doing it

>>38552122
>doesn't want wide shoulders
What the fuck

>>38562286
It was clear what that anon meant by "lifting to gain weight". Literally no one but degenerate fetishist mean "getting fat" when they say "gain weight" in a positive sense. Stop being a sperg.

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>be careful you dont get too big anon, you dont wanna get all veiny
non lifters have no fucking idea

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>>38550057

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>>38549280
mirin gains, routine?

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>>38565569
>mfw I'm getting vascular
>dyels have no idea of the lifting life

>>38549201
>but I don't want to get too big.
and my response is always
>"don't worry, you won't"

GOMAD is a meme right?
I mean how can you drink OVER 3 litres of milk a day, you will throw up everyday

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>my skinnyfat older brother
>hey anon you are looking good, can you get me back in shape?
>ok start by dropping alcholics, expecially beer, and eat less pasta
>b-but pasta is ealthy and a beer every other night is ok
>whatever keep your gut then
>i'm not overweight, i've weighted the same for years!
This happened at least 3 times in the past year, why the fuck does he keep asking me for help if he's not going to listen to me anyway?Drive me nuts

>>38565852
but there is literally nothing wrong with eating pasta or having a beer now and then

>>38556889
1 day you may
2-3 times a day
4 scoops C'MON LETS GET BIG

>>38565885
There something wrong eating as much pasta as he does, trust me. And he does drink too much beer too, he says one every now and then but it's several everytime he goes out in reality. But the thing that angers me is, he is asking for help and then questions what i say, just keep your gut if you thing are doing everything fine

I came from being fat as fuck last year to normal-sized nowadays. I have toned biceps and my tummy is not noticeable anymore, but I still am at 18% bf and loose skin all around.

I hear people around me say
>You're thin enough, you should stop lifting!
>Salad again? You can eat normally now!

Goddamit, lifting gave me confidence and I don't see myself stopping anytime soon. People would often give me broscience like jogging is enough exercise and I should not aim to get too big, and I've grown tired of correcting them.

>>38549201
>I don't want to get too big
This shit pisses me of so much. Dumb bitch I work with said this once and I just Bert stared her. Like cunt do you think you're accidentally going to become a bodybuilder if you aren't careful? Like fucking Ronnie Coleman just wanted to get tonned for the summer until he did a few reps with some heavier weight for fun and bam, he had to immediately leave and go to the Mr. Olympia contest.

>>38566381
Non lifters have no grasp of the time scale it takes to get big
Male or female
Its why so many start lifting and quit after a month.

>>38553344
Damn son
Are those dub trips or trip dubs

>>38555037
AND grow a vagina

>>38565973
Holy fucking kek, that caught me off-guard

>>38557370
Lifting 3 years in gym here and 2 years doing bodyweight shit in my room, 6'2" started out at 18BMI, now 25BMI, i haven't hit this yet except OHP but i'm very very close.

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This mother fucker DYEL right here.

>>38566665
That's a good post, shame you got cucked out of satan quints.

>>38554252
The average person knows so little about diet and exercise. So yes, knowing what works would be superior on knowledge.

>fags on /fit/
>ayy lmao X body part is too big and disproportionate, guess I'll just stop training it lol
why

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>>38565621
SS x 100
Pedro Ups x 25
Subway Runs x 50

>>38554389
Most of the stuff in the sticky is trash though.

>>38553943
If you aren't hitting depth then you aren't squatting 3pl8.

>>38566745
I know. I wasn't even keeping track of the post numbers. Super pissed.

Anyway, that's a typical faggot on Reddit.

>>38553943
I ass to grass 3pl8 for sets of 5, the fact that you're a giant enough bb to think you're above someone squatting 1.5pl8 to parallel is pathetic. I can quarter squat 5pl8, it's unbelievably easier. Kill yourself.

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>>38566381
>5'11 145
>defined chest and large arms

>>38567930
Source?