/Fit/ Stories

>>37963405

Kek, so many americans literally are insane

>>37963438
A ton of them are fucking stupid as well. How do i know? I live here.

>>37963400
Not my story, but golden nonetheless, must be at least a couple of years old
>be 20, 3 years ago
>still in college, have apartment near campus
>small gains but visible
>run into girl i went to high school with
>she played volleyball, was really athletic, 7.5/10
>she comes up to me in grocery store
>"Anooooooooooon! Why do I never seeeeee youuuuu"
>holy fuck its like she never matured past 17
>runs up and hugs me, holding onto my forearm afterward
>my autismo is kicking in, feel sweaty
>used to text this girl kinda, remember telling her I liked her at one point as bait to hang out
>fuck, now shes trying to collect
>"uh, you wanna come over? Im grilling some chicken tonight. Just got a new grill"
>"ohmygah yeaaahahhhhahh, she calls her friend, tells her shes riding home with me and that she has a date"
>friend seems annoyed
>im annoyed but its my own fault
>she wont let go of my arm
>it is pretty joocy, forearm gains dont come quick
>we go back to my place
>wasnt intending on getting laid tonight but it looks like it might happen
>she goes straight to my bedroom
>fuck Im hungry I dont want to do this right now
>i unload groceries and play dumb
>"anonnnnn"
>she stands in the doorway in qt matching undies (she works at victorias secret)
>welp, ill take it
>go into bedroom ready for it
>"hang on anon, do you have mouthwash?"
>yep.jpg
>she goes back to the bathroom
>"HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FACK"
>remember to this morning
>took a MASSIVE protein shit this morning
>fucking had to be like an 8 inch turd, sunk all the way back and the tip poked out of the water
>remember being so impressed with it, i didnt flush
>mfw she just saw it and came out
>Im dying laughing

>mfw still got laid but she never tried to talk to me again

she still likes all of my shit on social media. oh fuck good memories

>>37963932
So talk to her you idiot. Women rarely make the first move

>>37963932
>>fucking had to be like an 8 inch turd, sunk all the way back and the tip poked out of the water
>>remember being so impressed with it, i didnt flush
hahaha wtf man

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>be me just finished high school last month
>arrange a class picnic
>was a hot as shit day and I was the main chef, so was shirtless most of the time, even took a dive in the nearby freezing cold lake with some bros
>there are only a few qts in my class but I caught them mirin’ several times
>one qt, let’s call her Stacy, was commenting on my physique the whole time
>”OMG anon, your chest is so big! When did you get so buff?”
>”yea, try not to be jealous that my chest is bigger than yours haha”
>it was quite strange coming from her, in the 4 years that we were class mates, I don’t think we’ve ever had a conversation longer than a minute
>later that night we were all getting a bit tipsy, not too drunk since we only had beer
>Stacy was getting incredibly touchy feely with me
>she was groping my chest for a solid 30 seconds and commented on my arms
>trying not to sperg out at this moment
>since I was a bit drunk, I decided to show off a bit and do some pullups on a nearby beam
>started busting them out like nothing, near comes Stacy and puts her hand on my abs while I go up and down, basically stroking my entire torso
>feelsgoodmang.jpg
>after that, we sat down and were touching one another under the table
>couple of drinks later, we made out, but it was late so we all started to head home
Shame we had to go, she’s a huge slut, another hour and I would’ve probably ended up fucking her in the bushes. Some bros recorded some of the more cringey parts, for blackmail purposes, but we all ended up laughing it off and shit, can upload it if requested
Also pic related, Stacy

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>>37963976

HE JUST FUCKING SAID IT ISNT HIS STORY YOU DAFT CUNT

>>37964057
lol no shit upload, let's see some irl making it

>>37963932
i think you're underestimating your gains if she saw that and you still got laid afterwards

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my favourite

>>37964438
Dude, this shit needs a trigger warning, but pretty hilarious though.

>>37964438
Man this shit makes me super anxious
Obviously the guy and his gf were idiots but still...

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>>37964233
a fair warning, it's quite uneventful, as I said it's more cringeworthy than anything else
I think at the very end is where we start making out, but then it cuts, probably cause my friends were laughing to hard to keep recording

>>37964030
My heart

>>37964730
Did you tell her something about the stars?

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>>37964438
this girl is alpha, /fit/ should find this inspirational

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Can I post OC autism? I'll take that as a yes.

>be me (19 y/o) working in a sort of reception
>we're usually two people working but there always has to be at least one there ready to greet customers
>this particular day I'm scheduled to work with this intimidatingly hot grill, at least a 8/10 (9.5/10 in imperial units)
>we have to eat lunch one at a time and usually I say something along the lines of "okay, you can go eat now if you want" when I get back from lunch
>Nothing weird here, I got the line down perfectly; been practising both on other coworkers and at home
>Suddenly have to take a shit, and I've already had my lunch break
>It's a bit embarrassing but it has to be done...
>"H-hey Amanda, I have to use the bathroom real quick."
>"That's fine anon"
>I'm so pathetic I get a kick out of telling her I need to take a dump
>Whatever.jpg
>After my monster shit I return, walking past the cafeteria, and into the lobby
>I must've been thinking on something else, keking at some /fit/ humor thread I read on the shitter or something, because suddenly I hear myself say:
>"You can go poop now if you want"
>All the blood rushes from my head and I feel like I've run a hungover 5k
>I could swear I even popped a chubby as my body went through a emotional crossfit routine
>I can feel myself start sweating and get dizzy
>"I... I really don't... What?"
>Her jaw is in the fucking parking garage two floors down
>I realize she was helping a customer (before I spilled my spaghetti) whose now also staring at me
>My tongue is suddenly as unathletic and uncooperative as a Tumblr landwhale and it feels like I've swallowed Stephen Hawking's wheelchair
>Pic related mfw

1/2

>>37964893
2/2

>'This is what it feels like to get a stroke', I catch myself thinking, 'you have to say something, fix it'
>"I-it doesn't smell too bad in there, h-haha"
>Time stops for what feels like an eternity, my best guess is like 5 seconds
>She turns back to the customer
>Can't really hear what they say but I'm pretty sure she apologized on my behalf
>No one says another word for the rest of the day
>After my shift I hit the gym even though I went that morning, didn't know how else to deal with it
>I swear I almost cried a bit between dumbell bench sets just thinking about it over and over
>This was on Thursday, I called in sick Friday and she didn't work today
>Tomorrow I will have to face her again

W A T D O
A
T
D
O

>>37964844
kek, I assume you're reffering to me flailing my arms in the air, no I didn't talk about starts, I'm way to lame for that, we were singing a song with a few friends who were just out of frame
On a side note, if and when I'm gazing at the night sky with a grill, what could I potentially say?

>>37964893
>>37964905
Commit sudoku my friend haha

>>37964905
SEE A FUCKİNG THERAPİST

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>>37964923
>>37964938
It's that bad isn't it? Fuck my life famalam

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>gym is renovated
>a lot of new people start woking out
>this fat and pathetic looking autist is always working out at the same time as me
>never says anything to anyone
>stares at me while I deadlift and squat
>I stare back at him to get him to stop
>no reaction
>he just keep staring
>decide to talk the manager
>he looks at me like I'm fucking crazy
>says he can't do anything
>enough is enough
>one day I decide to confront him
>ask him what his fucking problem is
>he just stands silently and stares back at me
>visable sweating
>I ask him to stop
>still nothing
>push him to get a reaction
>that's when it finally dawns on me
>it's a mirror

>>37963400
>LMAO1JAP

every time

>>37963591
America, esp. Texas, concurrently has some of the most intelligent people you'll ever meet as well the stupidest stereotypical fat Americans.

>>37964995
>not ending it with homegym

>>37964915
>On a side note, if and when I'm gazing at the night sky with a grill, what could I potentially say?

Whatever comes to your mind, because your heart will tell you what's right. That's how the magic happens.

In fact, it's one occasion where you should just follow your heart and shouldn't think about what to say.
It will come naturally to you.

>>37965022
I guess that's why it has such a high concentration of Ivy League and research institutions, and Silicon Valley is now a wasteland.

Also the average test scores and teenage pregnancy rates that make it look like anything other than yet another southern shithole with some oil money.

>>37964893
>>37964905
kek

On a serious note, you have this option: Simply apologize for your for all the spaghetti you've dropped.
Considerering you're way too much of an autist though, you most definitely have to kill yourself.

>>37965081
For some reason pointing out a few constellations seems to make grills wet.

>>37963405
feel bad for the daughter though

>>37965119
How many plates do I have to drop on my neck to ensure a clean death? I'm also considering skull crushers in the Smith machine with the safeties off and a bunch of weight.

>>37965209
If you hit? One. There are a few angles at which the neck is surprisingly fragile. If you don't? Plenty, or enjoy life as a vegetable.

>>37963400

10/10

>>37965209
Wait.. What?
I understand that you brainfarted and said some stupid shit..
but why worsen it with saying another stupid shit?

>>37965468
I think I was trying to be funny

>>37964313
dude thats just rape

>>37965027
You could just imagine that his mom was the manager

>>37964030
For some reason I feel proud and can't stop nodding.

>>37965108
Ivy League doesn't mean shit anymore. Harvard is a Chinks 'R Us now.

>>37967077
You'll regret that in about 25 years anon...God forgives. We don't

>>37965653
The thread theme was something like "anons tell us stories about being rejected by a crush, making it and then getting said crush

>me, literally 1/2/3/3 6' 175 lb
>head downtown to meet up with some friends
>friends friends are all skinny little hipster faggot
>they're all like 5'7" 130 lbs with twig arms
>all have smokin hot gfs
>I'm still single.

Fml brehs

>>37963400
Last night
>want to get drunk
>pregame
>go to bar
>QT3.14 sitting alone
>walk up to get drink
>she's playing pokemon go
>initiate conversation
>start drinking more
>getting really fucked up at this point
>we talk talk talk
>really connect about music and shit
>tells me she broke up with her boyfriend
>reallyfuckingdrunk.jpg
>tells me she used to swing
>starting to micronap/blackout
>she smells really fucking good
>want to take her home and bang
>says she has to go
>m-me too
>walk out to car
>start throwing up
>black out

Is lifting effected by hangovers?

>>37967780
You're calling your friends faggots, you should reevaluate yourself as a person. I'm not trying to sound like an asset just some advice

>>37964730
Gj m8. But you look dyel

>>37965502
Well it was damn funny, so congratulations. Now think of a sweet excuse for your autism and get her to laugh with you about how fucking dumb and spastic you looked doing this. Flex bi's occasionally while duing this and you'll be just fine.
If you still consider killing yourself, please do it clean and not in public.

>>37968002
My friends friends where. My friend is normal size.

>>37968499
Disregard that I'm tired as balls and misinterpreted

>>37963976
>>37964301

> Failed English class

>>37965022
based texas, i fucking love this state. gets hotter than hells gate but man, you meet either 10/10 people or mongoloids who are so retarded its actually hilarious

>be skinny dyel whole life
>thought I couldn't gain weight no matter what
>try GOMAD
>gain 15 lbs
>be 5'11, 160lbs now
>started weight lifting for first time today
>stronglifts 5x5

On a scale of 1-10, how bad is my day 1?
>5x5 squats, 205lbs
>5x5 bench, 125lbs
>5x5 barbell rows, 115lbs

Why the fuck am I so weak? I feel like my squats didn't suck too bad. But I almost stopped my workout while benching because I was so embarrassed at how weak I was.

>>37969316
Also, how the fuck can I improve wrist strength? The 125lb bench wasn't the hard part, it was my wrists hurting.

>tfw have 4 1/2 months before I start flight school
>tfw 4 1/2 months to no longer be dyel no upper body strength
>no idea if I can make it

>>37969316
Wait, so you did GOMAD, and startet lifting afterwards?

Fucking why?

>>37969425
B/c I haven't really lifted ever before and was too stupid to do any research beforehand. I was so skinny though that gaining that 15lbs actually made me look healthier. On of my friends thought I had actually started lifting already because I guess I just filled out? No idea.

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>>37969316
>started weight lifting for first time today
>Why the fuck am I so weak?
Hold your horses bro.
You'll make noobie gains real quick, don't worry.
Don't get into a race to snap your shit up so you can impress strangers on /fit/.

>>37969469
Well, you're retarded. But I have seen weaker beginner stats. Just keep lifting and you will be stronger soon.

>>37969377
>Also, how the fuck can I improve wrist strength? The 125lb bench wasn't the hard part, it was my wrists hurting.
Maybe your grip was wrong

>>37969539
Can you make noticeable gains in 4 1/2 months with stronglifts?

>>37969574
Definitely, but Starting strength (if you actually read the book and not the tl;dr-short version in the sticky) and greyskull are better

>>37964313
wow, rude

>>37963405
that's so fucking fake holy shit man

>>37964905
Learn how to tie a hangman's noose. This one hurt.

>>37969226
This.

We're also the only southern state that has an average IQ of 100.

We get the benefit of chill southern culture without everyone being a a guaranteed retarded cunt.

Best of both worlds.

>>37969316
I'm about your weight and i can barely squat 120

>>37964030
>She stole his protein
>Literally gainz goblin'd the poor guy
>Everyone is cheering
YOU'RE ALL IN ON IT, AREN'T YOU? THESE ARE MY FUCKING GAINZ. BACK OFF.

>>37964438
>>37964485
>>37964592
lel those reactions. get off the chan & get real

>>37964848
this bruh gets it. root for the dyke hahaha.

the dyke also fucks better mkay

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>>37969316
>>37969957
Yeah 205lb is unbelievably good for 160lb person, and almost 1pl8 bench is great too.
My guess is you're cheating on form if not outright lying.

>>37969316
I've been lifting for a year, only just now getting my bench up to 110 pounds from having started with the bar.

I'm pretty jealous, but at the same time those numbers sound too good to be true.

Are you using a smith machine or some shit? No way those are your stats on day one unless you're naturally one round powerlifter son of a bitch.