How do I get my parents to count calories correctly? They are

>>36884854

give up, they dont care

>>36884854
That "honey" is probably just industrial strength syrup.

>>36884854
Pretend to study a short course in fitness diet or whatever the fuck

Bullshit it whatever who cares make something up, after about 3 weeks print off a fake certificate and let your parents gawk at it in the kitchen hallway so they can have a little fucking faith in their kids opinion


then they will listen.

God sake I just walked in on my mother eating a bunch of fish fingers covered in mayonnaise between 2 slices of bread.

>Its fish anon, its healthy!

>>36884912
Its probably just motor oil

>>36884924
and you'd probably have to do the shopping for them too.

Lbs of weight gained by your dad yearly, divided by 365, and then converted to grams and multiplied by 9 (kcals). Walla.

>>36884854
>no, the way i deep fry it, it doesn't absorb any oil.

Kill her.

>>36884924
>fish fingers covered in mayonnaise between 2 slices of bread
white people

>>36884980
Sounds more like "Americans", tbqh.

Show them the thread

Maybe strangers on the internet calling them retarded will help your retarded parents

>>36884854

Your birthsires are retarded. You are the miracle that fell far from the tree. Dont waste your time.
Do something else.

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>>36884854
She looks liek she should be guarding the gates of hell from DoomGuy

>>36884854
Spreadsheets

One sheet listing all your food, serving sizes, amount of servings, then all the nutritional content (make sure each one of these is being multiplied by amount of servings)
Use a second sheet to calculate all your totals including carbs, fat, and proton percentages

I've been doing this ever since starting to cut at 250 cause I hated the tedium of writing everything out, so far I'm down to 214 and have not plateaued yet
This makes meal planning a breeze, you can quickly figure out if you need more or less of something and add new items, fucking love it cause I know exactly what I'm having in a day and all I need to do is just eat

Also make sure to recalculate his bmr every few weigh ins, have to make sure he's eating at that 500 calorie deficit, I think people forget this and that's why they stall sometimes

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>>36884854
>no, the way i deep fry it, it doesn't absorb any oil
>it felt more like 350 cal

Jesus christ, I'm not even mad
It's fucking comical the mental gymnastics fats will perform to justify their shitty eating habits

>>36885051
We don't call them fish fingers in America, though.

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>>36885635
>deep fry

That's ridiculous. You have to boil the calories out.

>>36886156
i dont understand

>>36884854
>How parents count calories

Simply you don't.

Your parents, regardless of how much evidence you gather, will only ever see what you say to them as the opinion of a creature whose ass they had to wipe, who sucked away their youth and money, and basically offers cute 'opinions' they will never listen to.

>>36886156
is this real life? Can I finally binge on sweets and lose weight??? I boil rice, is that calorie free too? You can boil chicken too, right? Oh god I'm finally free!!!

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>Mother finally admits she needs help losing weight
>Happy for her, she is 300lbs and will die soon otherwise
>Go out and buy her a nice food scale
>Tell her she has to weigh food so she knows how much she is eating, show her websites on her tablet like myfitnesspal so she can count calories
>Think she will be able to make some progress
>3 weeks later
>She calls me and tells me she isn't losing weight
>Tells me she has been making healthy food and using the scale to weigh the calories
>Asks me to come over for dinner and she will prepare the type of food she has been eating
>go over
>she is eating a GIANT plate of pasta
>just plain pasta, she says it is healthy
>I ask how much it weighs
>she says 300 grams before cooking
>point out that 100 grams of dried pasta is about 350 calories so she is eating 1050 calories of pasta in one meal
>she looks at me angrily
>tells me that isn't true
>tells me she went online and found that if you use Balsamic Vinegar it is acidic so half of the calories get burnt away
>tells me that half of the remaining calories go away because she salted the water with a mix of table salt and sea salt and that the different grain sizes create a calorie destroying friction
>eats the entire plate whilst I try to process this
>she also tells me the scale doesn't work properly because she weighed a chocolate bar and it was 47 grams even though it was uncooked and nutrtional labels are cooked weight only

some people are just stuck. they need help.

>>36884980
That's right, Niggers only eat pig's feet coated in BBQ sauce and true African Niggers only get eaten.

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>>36888193
>true African Niggers only get eaten

>>36887852
please don't really believe this I had just a little hope nobody but moms who believe everything they read on the internet could be that dumb

my mom won't eat any meat because it makes her joints hurt.

I don't know if it's bullshit or not, so whenever she wants to eat some garbage, I'll tell her there's chicken/pork/beef in the ingredients to save her from the calories.

It's a dirty trick but she's losing weight so whatever.

>>36888259
Bake her some spiced tofu bits.

>>36888799
I do. I also bake falafel, and make sure she eats vegetables. Luckily there's a corner grocery store where I live, so I can get it fresh daily.

She has been doing a lot better recently.
God damn she loves bread though.
Fucking Oprah, rotting her brain.

>>36888832
That's good.

What's wrong with bread? Does she eat too much of it?

>>36888867
>Does she eat too much of it?
It's her #1 food.
Everything she eats, NEEDS to have bread with it.

>>36884854
>How do I get my parents to count calories correctly?
First: you can't make anyone do anything. Doubly so if they're your parents.

Now: They have to weigh and measure EVERYTHING that is calorically significant. Vague guesses won't cut it.

That being said: they won't do it. They don't want to really give anything up.

>>36884854

Spoiler Alert, OP:

Your parents are going to die. So are everyone else's. So did mine.

Just fucking enjoy your time with them while you can and don't be a nag. Being healthy is a personal choice and you can't make them make it, but you can make your frustration with them drive you apart.

Most parents have these ridiculous notions embedded in their brains that are very hard to get rid of.

I'm so glad my father eats properly and does a lot of sports, I don't know what I would do if he were a landwhale.

>>36888999
Try to bake some low cal, high protons bread at home with her.
You can make kale bread and shit too.
Possibly add seitan.

>>36884854
Its impossible if they don't want to. My dad is over weight and my sister is headed that way, I don't live with my parents anymore but my younger brother lives there and has a fucking huge gym set up in the shed and knows everything about basic nutrition, he tells me he's been trying for the last two years to get anyone from my family to work out with him or eat well and they just don't.

Makes me sad that they're killing themselves but it's their life.

>>36888086
gg

>>36885635
I think it's half being a fatty and half being a delusional baby boomer who can do no wrong. It's a dangerous combination.

>be me, having lunch with mom at shopping mall
>see hambeast around my mom's age and height waddling away in front of us
>we both have a sensible chuckle at the fatty
>"See mom? THAT is why I work out. So I don't turn into that"
>"But all you need to do is exercise! We've walked a hell of a lot today!'
>so did the fatty

My mom ain't even fat, she's 5'5, maybe 80-90lbs, but she's just as clueless about health as these fatties.

>>36890701
>she's 5'5, maybe 80-90lbs
dude?

>>36890701
>maybe 80-90lbs

Your mom is a anorexic skelly

>>36891766
>a anorexic
>a

>>36888086
>they need help

No, some people are beyond help due to their limited intellect and lack of self-control. I have relatives like this too, and the only thing that will ever work is rewiring their fucking brain. Don't bother, just let them expire. You have better shit to do.

>>36890701

In the same boat.
My mum's a perfectly adequate weight but she'll often say things like "even if you don't spend too long at the gym today, the walk there and back will do something."

The gym is 5 minutes walk away.
While that will technically will do SOMETHING, it's such a minuscule amount it almost sounds like she's making fun.

Her heart's in a kind, ignorant place.

>>36891766
Oh really? I had no idea. Here I thought she was morbidly obese.

>>36891948
Literal anorexic, anon. Get her some help.

>>36891966
I was ballparking her weight. I dunno what's normal for a woman. All I know is she's short and super skinny. She's been this way my whole life, and she's not dead yet. I think she'll be fine.

>>36891987
>I dunno what's normal for a woman
Never change /fit/

>>36891928
kind, ignorant people are the worst, an ignorant asshole is so much easier to handle.

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>>36888999
Nice double trips mane

>>36884941
Please somebody light it!
Burn those calories

>>36884854
Why dont your parents respect you OP?

My parents take everything I say as definitive. Im not even joking. I love the though so I would never abuse that :3

>>36884854
some people are just incapable of sacrificing the dopamine and seratonin produced by eating delicious food.

I suggest you print the sticky and give them both a copy of it. fuck... I should do that to my parents.

>>36889099

My gran is around 400lb at 70 years old. She has lost almost all mobility in her legs and her face is so full of fat that her eyes have detiorated to the point that she is almost blind and has infections and cataracts extremely often.

My gran is literally a big, fat, baby who an do absolutely nothing for herself and will die blind and jnable to move at all.

Even with all this, she cant FUCKING LOSE WEIGHT.

So you are right in that its impossible to save them. But its impossible to spend time with a fat baby without teating them like one. Thats not how I want to remember my gran.

>>36886156
The calories were boiled out? She has to teach other people this art, she could become a billionaire!

>>36884919
This.

Nobody listened to me, even though my degree had me finish biochemistry, physiology, two fucking semesters of animal nutrition, extra shit on feeding differen species during youth, adolescence, pregnancy - the fucking works.

I do a single course that was 4 weekends long and suddenly they think I'm credible.

The course was so easy and basic that it was actually the teacher, me, the other nutritionist with a 'wrong' degree and two people in pro-sports talking shop and the rest of the people listening in.

I'm always fucking baffled by the level of human nutrition and how horribly un-optimised shit is.
We had to balance individual amino-acids down to .01% and macro-nutrients down to .0001%.
The registered dieticians sometimes balance marcos to the nearest 5%.

>>36891928
honestly though having the mentality of
>a 5 minute walk is better than nothing
is better than the obesity mentality of
>no reason to go to the gym for only 15 minutes

>>36893573
>biochemistry, physiology, two fucking semesters of animal nutrition

mirin them mental gains anon

>I'm always fucking baffled by the level of human nutrition and how horribly un-optimised shit is
Whats you opinion on keto for weight loss?
at the <20 carbs mark?

Give up your parents dont give a shit.

They "want" to lose weight.
They want to pretend they're doing something to feel better, they'll eat "healthy" a few times per week and maybe go on a meme diet.
Then they'll fail and convince themselfs they tried and continue on like they are.

Trust me just give up, I know you love them, I love my parents too. But some things you cant help them.

My parents still dont believe in calsin/out even tho I went an extra mile and GAINED 20 FUCKING POUNDS in 4 months just eating junkfood and then losing all of that in 5 months still eating just junk food.

"Nah anon those steroids you take help you lose all the weight"
>steroids

I took BCAAs during this experiment to not completely fuck my gains. I sent them pictures of every meat, hell on weekends I lived back at home to try and show them that cals in / out is the only thing that counts.

They still dont believe in it.
"You have to eat healthy anon thats how normal people lose weight"
Then they proceed to make veggies and noodles and they end up with 150g of mixed frozen veggies ontop of 200g noodles and they drench that shit in sauces/dressings/yoghurt.

They buy fucking fruit juices in shops instead of soda "tehehe this is so healthy"
100ml have 9g sugar, whole bottle has 90g of sugar. They drink 1-2 a day.
"Mom you're drinking 180g of sugar a day and this shit totals ~900kcal"
"It's fruit juice and fruit sugar, so it's healthy"

Just give up , tell them you love them and live with the fact that they'll most likely nver see their grandchildren grow older than 5 years.

>>36884902
This. Parents that rely on their adult children are beyond help.

>>36895736
>>36893994
>>36893573
>>36893058
>>36893075
>>36889408
>>36889099
>>36885635
>>36884902
>>36884919
I think im going to base their allowance on what they ate the previous week.

If they followed the diet ill give them the full amount, otherwise subtract a couple of $ for each 100 calories they went over.

Ill have to check the food inventory at the house, and whenever they do shopping to make sure they are telling the truth.

The only problem is that my dad goes to the pub a lot, so i have no idea what he eats/drinks there.

>>36895901
>dad goes to the pub a lot
>no idea what he eats or drinks there

Give up on them. You can't help them if they don't want to help themselves.