Ok i am not going to go to /b/ for this but I would appreciate

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I don't understand what you are trying to say.
Why don't you go and fucking find something actually fulfilling you faggot.
You sound very narcissistic.

Why are you asking for wisdom on /fa/? We are all fucking losers too

Lol, you're a fuckup. I just fucked an anorexic 17 year old last week and you're wasting your time fucking some flabby old bitch

>>10666446
>Somewhere down the line my soul has eroded this year

Why do you think that is? Or what do you think performed the erosion?

>hey say the purest expression and art comes from conflict, but this one is self-imposed

Conflicts have two parties and one of them here is always the self. Your self never goes away. You're trying to survive in the wilderness? It's your self and its conatus in conflict with the laws of fucking physics and the environment.

You've come to this point because of who you are. That's come into conflict with your environment. One or both need to change to resolve it.

you sound like a nutjob to be honest family

>>10666537
Also it might be a minute before I check back on this, I'm about to go to sleep and I'm busy tomorrow morning, but I'll check back.

>>10666491
Yeah sorry man I definitely am a little but that read pretty self-indulgent. I am feeling hopeless so dramatic writing is what I do to channel the bad buzz.

You have pretty much explained my problem though; I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore, this whole thing has given me an identity crises because against my better judgement I instigated this whole thing and while we have had fun it's gotten way too serious.

I can either call it off and risk her fucking up my degree; giving me bad grades, making my life hell ect. or stick it out for the rest of my time there and hope I don't get found out.

I feel bad because I don't want to call it off; I enjoy her company and she's told me she's never met anyone like me, that I awakened things in her she never felt. Just for that I want to stay with her so she can keep feeling that, I think based off what I have heard about her life she deserves that.

I talk about myself because I want to articulate the point that it doesn't matter how many nice clothes you own, or how supposedly effay you are, or how crazy your life is...if it doesn't come from a sincere and honest love instead of just trying to fit in or look cool it will actually make you feel even shitter than just average. i think my heart was in it at the beginning but not so much now and thats why I feel like I have failed...not to mention this hasn't been resolved yet.

Im just reaching out aye...I don't mean to sound like a twat. Anyway you calling me out on my bull gave me a good laugh at myself so that in itself is good, thanks.

>>10666551
I was this anon >>10666531 but shes the one having an affair with a student, she cannot do anything to you. I've never been in a situation like yourself but if I was I would try and talk things through and end it, especially if I wasn't happy with it. Talk to her and be mature, its better than being dramatic and ending it like a fucking crazy trailer trash redneck bitch which is what I usually see where I live.

>>10666531
Because I relate to you guys the most; my closest friends I have told are slapping me on the back and telling me not to worry about it but they don't perhaps look into my reasonings with the same detail of even someone who has a mild interest in fashion. Fashion and style is incredibly introspective, the reasoning behind what we choose to wear actually effects what we do in life. If you like fashion, chances are you are interested in these meanings too...even on a subconscious level. I dunno...thats how I see it.

>>10666537
It started off good, my first assignment went really well and I landed some modelling gigs. I was like "yes, this is me, this is where I want to go". Then she came in as lecturer, we clicked over designers, movies, ect. and I thought "These are definitely my kind of people". then I noticed the looks she would give me...how she would approach me first out of anyone. I was like "surely not..." but I was with her before long. It was still good for awhile after that, exhilarating...but it's almost a full-fledged relationship and she's already married. She emails me every day and I just don't really have the energy for it; I know I should be out there with girls my age and I feel bad that she has become so dependant on me for happiness when she had been getting along just fine without me until now, and it was me that instigated in the first place.

So now I don't feel genuine at all. Ive stolen her away, gotten my kicks, and now I just want to get what I want, which is toning it down to something casual...but she thinks I love her still. I still do, but it's conditional and reliant on circumstance..where and when I can see her ect.

Your right about changing the situation...god I thought because she was old she wouldn't have a problem just casting me off when we both got bored...but no.

>>10666540
Can I ask why you think that? I think I just fucked up and it's depressed me and I need some help to deal with it

>>10666446

>They say the purest expression and art comes from conflict, but this one is self-imposed

Hi I am also in fashion design so I THINK I might be able to relate or point out what this is but not sure

Oftentimes people in creative fields like to romanticize this idea of the 'tormented genius' or the 'disfunctional artist', and try to rationalize to themselves that their laziness and creative blocks are due to their creative mind that is hard to maintain.

This isn't the case for most of these people, and to be blunt this type of behaviour is quite pathetic. I have had these thoughts alot too and part of it actually does come from me having so much ideas and passion and excitement and mixed emotions flowing through my mind that ends up paralyzing me / preventing me from actually channeling that shit into something, but I have to admit I catch myself rationalizing this lack of discipline as "oh I have the capability to put out incredible shit but I can't because I'm so conflicted" when I just gotta shut the fuck up and put in the hours like everyone else I admire and respect did instead of being a pussy ass bitch

This may / may not be your case. In fact, this very moment as I am typing this I have an entire month's worth of Illustration homework to catch up on for tomorrow morning's class but I am on Vogue drawing parallels between Raf Simons and J.W. Anderson's recent work in the last couple of years AND browsing 4chan. So we're somewhat in the same boat

I think this post was for me as much as it was for u

God bless

>>10666551

>it doesn't matter how many nice clothes you own, or how supposedly effay you are, or how crazy your life is...if it doesn't come from a sincere and honest love instead of just trying to fit in or look cool it will actually make you feel even shitter than just average.

Yeah I can definitely relate to this. I've gone through a ton of designer clothes in the last couple of years and chasing that mind - projected illusion of 'an effay me / myself' has never ever worked or brought me any concrete fulfillment, only temporary gratification until I moved onto the next thing.

In the last couple months I've spent around 3K on clothes, of course all stuff I can manage to resell and make back the money and keep a few that I like, but recently I find that I'm approaching my work and life in general from a sincere and honest love for the thing I'm doing that I find myself caring less and less about how I dress. I'm feeling more comfortable in my skin than I'd ever felt before. I guess this is what it feels like to grow up a little? I don't need flashy clothes or whatever to feel 'enough' anymore. It's also because with school being so busy I can't be fucked to wear fussy / elaborate things most of the time, but overall I care less. I'm much more interested in creating stuff that I can put on other people rather than me is what I'm trying to say I guess.

Idk man, sometimes you need breaks from fashion (I took one this summer after like 3-4 years of nonstop participation / consumption) and really reposition your life, then come back to it with a fresh perspective (which is where I'm at now). Saying this because you say your heart isn't in it anymore.

Also I'm on 400 mg of caffeine pills right now and it fuckign sucks,

>>10666679

Absoloutely! I know I am incredibly lazy and pathetic...I mean Ive been through some shit in life but I know everyone has and people still have to put their nose to the grindstone and churn it out; part of me definitely tries to avoid that...like an animal aversion to hard work.

My head swims with ideas all the time too anon, I'm glad you've chosen the same path and I'm sure you now how gratifying it actually is when the goings good. I was pretty disciplined at the beginning of the year but that all slipped when I started the relations, still looking forward to the random chaos of next year though.

Anyway I appreciate your words, I seriously just felt 2 hours ago that I was gonna flip out like a rabid dog, get in the car and steal a whole bunch of shit from Zegna...not caring if I got arrested or not. But what you said helped and I wish you all the best with those classic 4:00am illustration sessions ....trying to do self portraits with no natural light is some good shit

Also your entire situation with your instructor is pretty funny because I also have a female instructor who is 34, married, v qt kek

>>10666712
>>10666709
Whats up this is ur sexy teacher and u bad boys are gonna get punished 2morrow if u know what I mean ;)

>>10666764

lold

>>10666706
At least you can afford designer my friend, but I agree whole-heartedly. I've started to make my own stuff and going through the design process to a finished garment that there is literally only one in the world of is a pretty amazing experience. In the current sense I am pretty much refashioning myself into a style that is really close to my heart as opposed to off the rack...but the next step is to get some production sorted and try and build a following of like-minded people...getting there aye, I'm a slow as fuck sewer but it's exciting to create...and it shall be us that are fashioning the generations to come! If your really keen on fashion and manage to build up a dialogue with your peers you know you'll be killing it, and I'm sure you as this post is based and on the level.

Thanks for telling me to take it easy too, I think you are right. I'll always feel passionate about clothes but it comes down to coping strategies for stress; this thread was one of them so cheers for helping out. Holidays in order :)

>>10666708
The worst buzz...our 3rd year studio is literally a graveyard of no-doz, empty v cans, and instant coffee packets. I saw their crits and they all looked fucking dead the poor devils, but the show after was absolutely worth it. I think the high stress/ high pay-off element of the industry actually suits me pretty well as a character, just need to manage my life abit better so I don't need that no-doz in the first place haha.

>>10666764
I'll be in the fabric cupboard as always bae tripping over yarns and bashing my head on mannequins in the dark, waiting for your tender touch <3