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So it’s around 5:00am and I’m sleeping soundly when suddenly, I awake to a loud clattering racket!
“Holy shit, some nigga is trying to break into my house!”
I jump out of bed and grab my house gun (a S&W M686-5) when I realize the noise is coming from… above me in the attic?
Damnit…
I quickly get dressed as the loud racket continues and grab a flashlight (MagLite 2-D cell) and go outside and check the gable end vent and sure enough, there’s a raccoon’s ass and waving tail sticking out between the slats as he (in a panic, as I’ve spotted him with the light) squeezes into my attic, then turns around to look back at me thru the now bent to fuck gable end vent slats.
You little fucker!
I get a stepladder out of the garage and clean out the junk in the office closet that has the access hatch to the attic, then load up my Ruger MkII .22 pistol and cautiously lift the attic hatch, prepared to wildly mag-dump on the bastard in case he waiting to ambush me but once I get my head up there and look around, I don’t see anything.
Just as precaution, I fired off two rounds into the roof joist near the gable end vent but he must have bugged out while I was getting the ladder and clearing out the closet.
Looks like I got to get me some stainless steel expanded mesh screen and staple it up over both gable end vents.
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>>1133373
nice blog, but go to /b/
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>>1133379
No, now I got to go to the hardware store (when it opens) and get some expanded mesh screen.
You think Homey Depot will have it and if so, will they cut it to size for me?
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>>1133386
The plot rises. I like where this story is going.
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Plot twists, OP confuses Home Depot employee for raccoon and shoots him.
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>>1133405
If its that AMA fucker?
I'll pay for the bullet(s)
(+fine for making loud noise during self-defense if Livestreamed)
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File: Union Jack Aluminum in Silver.jpg (117KB, 1000x1000px)
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OP here again, and I went out to Homey Depot looking to get screen but instead found 36”x36 panels of “Union Jack Aluminum in Silver” that I snipped to size (16”x24”) and then center punched dimples along the edges to be drilled thru with a 1/16” drill, which will then have wafer head nickel plated self-tapping screws run thru them into the gable end vents on both sides of the house.
Just as soon as the batteries for my cordless drill are charged….
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>>1133405
Lol damn raccoons never want to help customers!
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>>1133373
Cute doge.
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File: Detroit_man_sells_raccoons_2351380000_10898964_ver1.0_640_480.jpg (84KB, 640x360px)
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>>1133373
OP here again; everything secured now, so that little bitch ain’t getting in and I won’t have to go raccoon hunting in my attic.
Also, came to the realization that I probably should replace the home-made 1950s wood ladder that was left at the house when I bought it. That thing was creaking and groaning and wiggling and wobbling the whole time I was up there.
(no raccoons or Homey Depot employees were injured in the making of this thread)
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>>1133373
> gun and a 2d maglite
6D doesn't need a gun, much cleaner and less noise.
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>>1133587
raccoons can chew thru a roof to get inside, you think that shitty flimsy metal will keep them out? you got alot to learn son
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>>1133613
>raccoons can chew thru a roof to get inside
Sure, on a hillbilly cabin nobody visits six months out of the year.
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If you ever get a raccoon or possum in your attic
Set up a light and radio, they will leave
Thread posts: 14
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Thread images: 4