Cheapest Home Security

>>1124305
Check the alarm thread on the 1st page. I say DSC Alexor. That plus a shotgun. Maybe 700 total. If that.

most home intrusions are mid day they usually knock on door first when people aren't home they brake in.
leave a radio or tv on is best

never have NRA or Gun stickers on car or home.

fancy security stuff tells them you have valuables.

making it look like some one is home and not answering the door is best

>>1124316
This.


Also put lights on random cheap timers from home depot, You can do the same with radios and pretty much anything else.

Also make up a sign saying do not knock, we do not answer, and a bunch of rambling shit about how they are now trespassing and you will exercise your 2nd amendment rights.

I have a sign I keep on my storm door saying "POSTED PRIVATE PROPERTY, YOU ARE NOW TRESPASSING"
"Do not knock, Entering or attempting to enter my home is unlawful and extremely dangerous, Owner is armed" and copies of my lawyers card taped below it lol.


It actually has worked, Pretending to be crazy works every time. If I were a home burgerler I would definitely choose the house without the crazy threatening sign on the front door

>>1124305
>What is the cheapest way to alert you to a home intruder?

stay at home hikki/neet.

>>1124305
your wife is Tony Soprano?

Buy a gun

>>1124467
So? Its hard so you don't even try? Are you in France? If so, just put up the white flag, unlock your doors and sleep with your ass in the air bent over a table. It makes it easier when the come to rob you.

>>1124305
Get rid of the wife and buy a German Shepard.

>>1124305
A sign saying "Active Area Denial Measures in Effect. Proceeding further may result in injury or death." with a skull depicted at the bottom might work as a deterrent. Best posted on/near backdoor of the house.

>>1124305
in my line of work i saw a sign on someones front door saying
>please stop breaking in, i have no more stuff to steal

i suppose that would work

>>1124305
Use your wife as a security dog.

Zoophilia never was so normal before!

>>1124464

Thieves just want to steal those when you're not home.

>>1124305
> burglar
>sneak into ops house
>become assaulted with obnoxious novelettes singing "TAKE ME TO THE RIVER"
>"Blast! my plans foiled by fishes on the wall!"

>>1124308
>alarm
This is best for times you are at home but not paying attention. Best answer to OPs question imho.

>>1124316
Most valuable info ITT for theft prevention while not at home.

>>1124464
>>1124487
>OP asks how to be alerted when people enter his home
>LOL A GUN WILL HELP YOU NOTICE!!!!11
>JUST BUY ONE FAGGIT IT'S GOOD 4 U

>>1124503
>people are going to believe that some lunatic has hidden landmines in his backyard
>people are not going to believe this house has unprotected valuables

File: 1478781922258.gif (1B, 486x500px)

1B, 486x500px

>>1124305
>big mouth billy bass security system

Rig some fishing line to the door handle and a bucket of whipping cream above it, in such a way that when the door opens it falls, costs maybe 15 bucks for the bucket and whipping cream tops

>>1124305
>Wife is making me get rid of all the pic relateds in the house.
Divorce

Get Geese. They make good alarm systems.

>>1124308
A new Remington 870 express and bullets will put you at $600. Just went through this

>>1124305
Get motion lights - cheap and will be effective if their close to your bedroom window. Even if you can't see it, it would be a good idea to have it. Someone snooping around in the dark that gets met with a light suddenly turning on on them will likely go to another house.

>>1124305
Chalk outline on porch with police tape around it.

File: 0822f23a1007431294a3f250561f5953_18.jpg (1B, 486x500px)

1B, 486x500px

>Intruder breaches my house while I am at work
>Security system detects unwelcome guest
>Storm doors slam shut on every entrance
>"Take me to the river" plays from 10's of big mouth billy bass's throughout the house at a hugely amplified volume loud enough to shake the windows for the next seven hours.

File: h21B02D70.jpg (1B, 486x500px)

1B, 486x500px

your wife is a dumb bitch.

>>1124305
What is the cheapest way to alert you to a home intruder?

Remove the bass from the plaque, take the wires that go to the motor and wire them to a pipe bomb, reinstall on the wall.

>>1127719
bonus point - stops the wife complaining. Permanently.

>>1127719
>TAKE ME TO THE RI-
BOOOM

File: IMG_5431.jpg (42KB, 533x400px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 533x400px

>>1127349
> bullets

Shotguns use shells or --- generically -- all guns use ammo or cartridges. >>1127377
Saying "bullets" makes you sound as ignorant as The New York Times.

>>1127380
>>1127719
>>1127733
Kek'd enough to cry
Thank you anons

File: 1480995377858.jpg (163KB, 1080x720px) Image search: [Google]

163KB, 1080x720px

>>1125931
Burglar tries to flee only to activate a trapdoor, falling into a pit lined with more singing fish.
"HERE'S A LITTLE SONG I WROTE."

Or to smooth things over with the wife, replace the fish with moons that sing "WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG-A PIZZA PIE THAT'S AMORE", she'll think it's romantic

>>1124305
>All of pic relateds
>All of
>All

How many do you have OP?

>>1124305
Get security stickers for your windows and a gun.

File: landmine.jpg (17KB, 300x380px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 300x380px

This or a bounding mine should be effective

File: 1485924869517.jpg (120KB, 640x480px) Image search: [Google]

120KB, 640x480px

>>1124305
When failure is not an option.

File: IMG_20170212_132504.jpg (414KB, 1600x912px) Image search: [Google]

414KB, 1600x912px

Should have kept the fish OP.

>>1128822
I can imagine this, oh god I'm dying right now

>>1124305
Buy a lion they will eat any intruders.

>>1129970
>Graffiti on the side
Sure seems like that worked.

Tie paint buckets to landing at the top of balcony, insulate all door knobs and hook it to the mains, use your brothers tarantula, freeze water on basement stairs, put gasoline in toilet and use a blow torch to ignite intruder, set toy cars on the floor...the intruder will slip and fall, bb gun through dog door, stick the tv on loud so the intruders dont know youre home while your family are in paris and hide under moms bed

>>1125104
Sit at home, leave your door open with a trail of money leading inside, and become notorious for killing thievesd

>>1128697
You knew exactly what he was referring to when he said "bullets"

Fuck off

>>1124316
>never have NRA or gun stickers on car or home
?

File: Moonmanhimselfladehsandgentlemens.jpg (20KB, 400x400px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 400x400px

>>1128822
>replace the fish with moons that sing "WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG-A PIZZA PIE THAT'S AMORE"
Mah niggah

Mannequins in strategic locations. You know they're there, but you'll shit yourself anyway. Imagine if a burglar sees one.

>>1124305
>>1127414
>>1126079
HERES A LITTLE SONG I WROTE

File: 1486817503586.png (226KB, 327x316px) Image search: [Google]

226KB, 327x316px

>people dont even have to lock the door where I live

>>1132175
They then know there are valuable guns in the house to steal after they watch you drive to work.

>>1132455
Where do you live at for research purposes?

>>1132512
Canada, obviously.

>>1132512

Rural Ireland. At worst, some gypsy might try to rob some powertools if you let them but you are allowed to shoot them.

>>1124493
GREAT

alternatively: train the wife to be a verocious guard dog who can only be commanded by daddy

>>1132488
Drive away, park, walk back, and wait outside to shoot thieves a few times a year until they're afraid of your house

>>1125951
>>people are going to believe that some lunatic has hidden landmines in his backyard
>>people are not going to believe this house has unprotected valuables

You mean to tell me that you don't have explosives buried in your yard at all times? You don't know feet until you wake up covered in broken glass and completely deaf with a freshly blasted pond in front of your house that the previous owner was kind enough to install but forgot to mention.

It's also a real treat having your entire yard scanned and dug up removing three more future ponds.

File: 41IGVrgU0XL._SX425_.jpg (14KB, 425x313px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 425x313px

>>1124305
Get a few of those fake security cameras and litter the outside of the house with them. Also get those bright ass sensor lights