What is the best way to make this black?

>>1034796
Tell it it wuz kangs n sheet.

Have a cop shoot it full of holes

>>1034796
Cheapest option is spray paint.

>>1034796
Give it a welfare check?

>>1034802
That's what I was thinking too, won't it come out feeling tacky?

>>1034796
Slowly give it more and more freedom while other desks convince it it's more enslaved than ever.

>>1034796
>>1034805
Yup. It will look like shit too. Probably start flaking off in a few months. Thats what you get when you try to work with something thats 40% glue, 60% sawdust and covered in plastic veneer.

>>1034796
Wood tar all tje way jose

The only reason I checked this thread because I was 1000% sure there would be racist joke responses, and it didn't disappoint.

>>1034796
Stain with grape soda

>>1034808
The plastic veneer will be a bitch to get off too right?

I might wallpaper it black

>>1034821

I think that's your best option. Maybe when it's covered in wallpaper give it a few coats of lacquer. You could do something cool, make it a sort of collage of different wallpapers and then cover it in lacquer to make it seamless.

>>1034796

Could use black vinyl. The slightly textured kind that folks use on home-made sub-woofers and speaker-boxes. Comes in a large roll, and one side is usually adhesive. $20 worth should cover the entire thing, and would only take a couple of hours tops.

>>1034819
It will look like shit no matter what.

Just buy some plywood/find other free shit.

>>1034819
Plastidip that shit.

>>1034860
>It will look like shit no matter what.
>>1034796
Burn it. It will be black, and no longer look like shit

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>>1034796
Have used this before put it one with a brush. Dries smooth.

http://m.lowes.com/pd/Rust-Oleum-Professional-Black-Flat-Enamel-Interior-Exterior-Paint-Actual-Net-Contents-8-fl-oz/3221637

>>1034796
Use a black sharpie

>>1034821
Isn't that a Rolling Stones song?

Blast a playlist of rap and hip-hop as loud as you can next to it nonstop from 8pm to 7am.

>>1034796
Paint won't work on wood like you think, it'll peel off under use and look like shet. You're gonna have to stain it

>>1034796
I wonder if hammerite would work? Or world that just flake off. I like the industrial look. Probably a terrible idea.

Tbqh a new desk would be cheaper than the paint.

>>1035113
Looks like laminated wood, can you stain that?
Sanding and painting is probably the best option here.

>>1034963
Naw, Stones used paint

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4irXQhgMqg

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>>1035113
>>1035118
It's particle board with plastic veneer most likely. Sanding it isn't good idea, since you can easily sand throuh veneer. Unless you go for pic related look.

>>1034796
Clean it down with a damp rag then once it is dry clean it down with acetone, then paint with a primer designed for use on that type of surface, then give the primer a light rub down with very fine sandpaper, then clean it down with a clean rag and some acetone again and then paint with spray cans, that's the best you can do with chipboard furniture, it is made to be disposable.

That said, most cheap manufactured boards in ausfagland have been laminated paper coated, not plastic. Complete shit worth setting fire to.

Seriously, either spray pack it black, or cover it in contact. Some of the egay stuff would do. Even carbon fibre 4d black is only worth about $40aud for that size, and would need a crane to delaminate it/ lift it off.

Sand, paint, finish

or

have it steal something

>>1035265
>Sand

Sand what? It's not wood.

>>1034815
Is there some sort of stereotype that involves free desks?

>>1035267
To key the surface so the primer takes. Or he can use a high grip primer.

>>1034796
i would just do a carbon wrap that what i have on my desk atm

You can use PlasticDip black color spray

>>1035284
Go sand it. Go on. You'll see.

>>1034796
rattle can it. its chip board so it won't sand well. just goto your local walmart and pick up some spray paint that adhesives to plastic.

Take it outside and spray paint it, anything else will not be as durable or cost efficient. No sanding needed just wipe it down

>>1034819
The veneer is the "skin" that's protecting the particle board.
Without it, any moisture (condensation on a glass, sweat, humidity in the air itself) will destroy it.

Spray paint will look cheap.
You need something thick.

>>1034819
I painted something very similar to this. I sanded the thin plastic coating off first then painted (with a small foam roller) the whole thing with primer/sealer. its not smooth as glass but the surface is pretty darn smooth considering using a roller. more then smooth enough for use as a side table or TV cabinet etc.
it is then ready to paint with whatever paint you want. if you paint in layers and sand with fine sandpaper between layers you could smooth it out even more but for most uses its probably not worth the extra time and work.

>>1034847
this might initially work out but over time the edges of the vinyl sticker will come loose then it'll be a hot mess. and it won't be fun to remove the vinyl (and its glue) to try again.

>>1035113
no way you can stain that.

>>1035115
it would probably work but still a good idea to at least "rough up" the surface with sandpaper first to help paint stick better.

>>1034796
never put any science or math homework near it

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Attached is a photo of what happens to this stuff over time. It's my desk. Just general ware.

If you put anything abrasive to it's finish you'll just get chip board.

Have you ever painted chip board? It's disgusting.

If you are going to paint it, solvent based acrylic paint from a can will work fine on the laminate top.

You do not need to give this as much consideration as some of you feel is necessary because you're already trying to polish a turd.

>>1034799
Underrated post.

>>1035384
Agreed, OP should consider his expenses otherwise he could end up spending more than the cost of a new desk of that calibre.

>>1035384
This, so much.
Modern furniture are garbage. Laminate look like shit and once you scrape it, whole furniture is wothless.
Fun fact: to this day there isn't any solid method of restoring particle boards.

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>>1034800

>>1034796
make it steal bikes

>>1034796
Tell it you're going out to get cigarettes, and never come back.

>>1034796
Best way is a stain, two applications of Minwax ebony and a coat of polyurethane are the best option.

>>1035753
This

>>1034796
light it on fire and burn it and then throw it in the fucking trash where it belongs

>>1036177
Lol

>Stain plastic laminate

Cover it with a black tablecloth.

>>1034796
Rough the surface and use a black oil based paint or lacquer or something similar. Problem with the veneer is that it's really smooth and the top coat has nothing to grab

Cheapest way is to burn it. It will get wobderfull all black

>>1034796
steal it

Do people even read the threads the post in?

>SAGE

Turn off the light.

>>1034796
burn it

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>best way

buy black laminate sheets and glue it to the piece of shit furniture

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any method of paint wil result in a bad paint job then material is poor. not matter how high the quality of paint is. i would just use spray glue and a type or tolex or wallpaper even it is just a solid color.

>>1035113
You have no clue what you are talking about!! Could be Venere or covered in photo paper , regardless it's a particle board core. The rustoleum might work best it sticks to everything And drys hard. Might still chip

>>1034796
With black paint?

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set it on fire. duh.

Why make it black? It has a meaningful life ahead of it that actually matters. You should seek help for your issues with colour and just learn to accept all shades

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wow, this thread is pure gold. a few posts of actual advice, and the other 90% of pure lulz. good job /diy/ you never disappoint!

>>1034796
Be a cuck, and offer the desk to the glorious BBC.

>>1034796


I tired to find my phone so that I could take a photo. Couldn't. I wonder where it is?

We have made shitty looking furniture nicer by covering it with fabric. You cut carefully some fabric with a colour/pattern that you enjoy. Cut it so that it covers every side you see.

Apply some lacquer or glue on the desk and place the fabric on top of it. Add more lacquer or glue. Stretch the fabric so that it look snice. Staple it on a non-visible side.

Let cure and enjoy!

And I don't know about you but I try to answer the captchas so that there is as many wrong answers as possible, but still succeed. Fuck google.

Name it tyrone

>>1034799
>>1034800
wow, first two posts are nigger jokes. guess i'm on 4chan...
also, nice double dubs