Hello /d/eviants. I come to you asking for advice or at least

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I'm pretty sure I won't ever find anyone. I also have the feeling I won't be over my ex for a 'very' long time and if I 'did' get into a relationship I'd see them for what they aren't instead of what they are and I don't want to subject someone to that.
To this end, I'm looking for other ways to somehow help fill the void a little.

I have tried a bunch of new things so far, including expanding my friend circle and becoming more social (I'm also volunteering as tech support somewhere on occasion), getting new hobbies (Violin/Piano/Sewing/Digital art, watching Anime), becoming more active (Walking, morning exercises) and I'm also trying to help my friends improve their lives with advice and whatever else I can.

I have a personal deadline set for mid-2017. This admittedly sounds ridiculous, but if I don't find any hope for having a partner, or at least find something else that can fill the void, I'll commit suicide.
Since I don't have any parents or family of my own, having a lifelong partner is a very big deal to me.
I, of course, don't want to do that. So I'm trying everything I can possibly think of to prevent it.

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>>6728624

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>>6728628
I have also posted this in /adv/ so I will relay any messages to here that seem they might help in others understanding.

--

>You're just 24. Relax. You have a long life ahead. There's a bunch of time to find someone. But before that happens, keep doing what you're doing. Hobbies, becoming social and helping friends because friends are very important. You will not die alone. Forget that idea.

The couples I've personally seen in my life are either those 5-month infatuations that don't end too well, or they end up stuck together because they have a child.
I've not yet met one person who is somewhat intelligent who isn't alone.
This is also a assumption, but I feel as though the dating pool gets smaller as you get older. By the time you hit 40+, the people who don't have a partner don't have one for a reason and it's usually a large personality flaw of some kind.

I realize I'm only 24, but I sure as hell don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling lonely every time I go to sleep or wake up.

>>6728614
Question : in 3) you said you didn't like people who go out just to find love (if i understood well), then how did you end with your partner ? Did she so the things and since you liked her you accepted ?

Also for the social context, what country do you live in ?

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>>6728644
I live in burgerland (USA), we found either on accident when I turned 14 on a site called GaiaOnline. I moved in with her to get away from my mother (Long story) when I turned 18 and we ended up getting together by sheer chance.

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Woops, >>6728646 was meant to quote >>6728645

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>>6728647

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>>6728650

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>>6728653

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>>6728659

Speaking as someone who is 26, lonely, and has had suicidal thoughts, I wish to offer you some pieces of advice:
First of all: don't kill yourself. There is FAR more to life than sex, and you don't have to be in a romantic relationship for company. Trust me when I say that while it may take time, you will move on. I would deeply recommend you talk to a loving friend or family member and honestly tell them what you're thinking: suicidal thoughts and all. There is probably something else at play here, and you should REALLY take take of it before entering another relationship.
Secondly, while wanting a lifelong partner is a very noble desire, putting that ahead of everything else will only make it that much more difficult. One must be patient. My sister is in her mid thirties, and her dream is to be a housewife. She just had a breakup. Life goes slow sometimes. Even if we want to sprint, sometimes we just have to take it one step at a time.
Third, people are stupid, but they get smarter the longer you know them. All worthy things demand sacrifice. If you take the time to sift through the more boring things about a person, you may find something interesting. As an example: I know someone who is not that smart. For years I never gave him a second thought. I later learned that this person runs a bee farm, makes maple syrup, has been to the other side of the Berlin wall, and more. He got married in his 50s after dating 4 weeks, and they have been happily married for 25+ years.
We love you anon. Please rethink this.

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>>6728668
It might also be helpful to note I now have massive trust issues because of the way my old relationship ended.
I would hope that would fix itself over time though, maybe.

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>>6728672
>There is FAR more to life than sex,
It's not the sex I'm after. In fact since I started HRT my libido died.
I do talk to my friends about how I feel, and I've also talked to them about my deadline. As for family, I have none.

>All worthy things demand sacrifice.
I never said people weren't interesting. In fact, I'm so insightful about people because I love picking peoples minds apart. People are very fascinating and very fun to figure out.
It's just that my ex has left me with a very, very high standard and I refuse to lower the standard now that I found out people like my ex do actually exist.

I also know I'll always have a very, very slim chance of finding 'someone', it's just that I don't want to force myself to stay alive and do things I don't truly care about on a deeper level every single day until that happens and, as I said, I feel as though the older you get the smaller the dating pool gets and the slimmer my chances become of finding someone on the same level as my ex.


I think the biggest reason a partner means so much to me is because I don't have any other deeper relationships in my life. I have no family, and even though I'm trying to have friends, past experience has shown me that thinking of friends as a substitute as family bonds never ends well because they will eventually get bored of me.
So I have no deep relationships, even though I'm close to the friends I have now. I feel a partner is my only option to have a bond like that again.

Thank you for your time and words. I appreciate it.

>>6728614
> 6 year relationship
> 24 years old
>24-6 = 18

so you met a girl in your prime years for dating
dated for three times the recommended dating time before marriage
and 1.5 times the actual average dating time before marriage
what the hell split you two up?

>b-b-but, I'll die forever alone!

you had a six year long committed relationship despite the difficulties of MTF,
The average user on this site can't even hold a candle to that length of success in dating

trust me, there are autists in here who will die alone
and women everywhere will thank them for doing them that favor

TL;DR you'll be fine install tinder

>>6728680
wait, I mean a guy? Or was it a girl? You didn't say.

Welp, i've read your posts 4-5 times, and i want to help you, problem is, it's 00:00 in France and i should get some sleep, i'll be back tommorow.
(BTW my motto is "time heal everything", with your luck you'll find someone else before dying of course, and since you said you're being more and more social, there are high chances of you finding someone before your time limit)

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>>6728680
>Split up
My stupidity.
I have no real excuse for it, but I became heavily stagnate. It got to a point where my partner would come home from work complaining of pain and I'd just say "What else is new?".
I got tired. I had no hobbies or no other friends. I was extremely mentally unhealthy and it rubbed off on my partner. They ended up finding someone who was kind of similar to me but better and...well, I was replaced.

There is 'much' more to the story. I just wasn't a very good person.
I hate to say it but them leaving me has forced me to grow up quite a bit. I just wish I had when we were still together.
What done is done...I guess..

>despite the difficulties of MTF,
Not quite.
My transgender thing showed it's ugly head when I was 8ish or so. Didn't figure out about HRT until I was 15. I figured I would start it when I was 18, but when I turned 18 I got together with my partner.
They at first didn't want me to transition due to reasons and dressing me up and encouraging that side of me scared them.
Eventually they took a 'gender and sexuality' class in college and that kind of eased their mind and wanted to help me be okay with myself.
But there was some leftover emotional damage from having to suppress it before so I didn't know how to be myself anymore.
ANYWAY
I didn't start HRT until we split up, which I began just a month ago.

And why tinder? Isn't that a get together for sex thing? Correct me if I'm wrong.

>>6728686
Thank you for your time anyway. Sleep well anon.
>there are high chances of you finding someone before your time limit
I don't see it that way, but I really hope you're right.

>>6728614
MTF is something you shoudlnt be telling months in

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>>6728695
Can I get more of your opinion on the matter?
I try really hard not to think about it because I feel like it shouldn't matter, but I realize to a lot of the population, it does.
I'd be extremely scared of being shot down just because of it at well. Would it be something to just say on the first date, or would that be a bit awkward?

>>6728697
Speaking as someone who knows nothing of these matters, I'd say that it's probably something you should mention up-front.

Personally I'm not bothered about the whole MtF thing, but I'd be upset if you didn't tell me because of the lack of trust it represents.

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Thank all of you for your time and posts so far. I've made three threads in /adv/ and only got a single post out of it.
I love /d/.

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>>6728707
Ah, yeah, I understand.

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>>6728716

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>>6728721

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>>6728722

>>6728712
Yeah, I've always found /d/eviants to be a curiously introspective bunch.

Probably why I keep coming back here.

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>>6728724
I agree. /d/ has been my main board for a very long time, and not just because of the porn. Though it's a big plus.

I think a part of it may be because it typically takes more of a open minded person to be into alternative stuff like this. But that's just part of it, the people here seem to be pretty diverse from my experience.

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>>6728728

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>>6728731

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>>6728728
>open minded person
I suppose that's one way of saying it.

Diverse? Certainly. I think I mentioned in a bursting thread on here not long ago that I like picking up the various stories that people sometimes tell on here, and on the other boards. Reminds me that we're all human beings.

Though, people tend to be pretty tight-lipped about themselves (goodness knows why), so each good story I find is like a diamond.

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>>6728735
>I suppose that's one way of saying it.
Yeah I couldn't think of a better way to word it in that moment. My brain goes AFK in random moments.

>people tend to be pretty tight-lipped about themselves
That might just be due to the fact this is still 4chan.

Have any of the stories as images? I wouldn't mind reading a few. People interest me.

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>>6728740

>>6728740
Afraid not. I think I've got the one about the Russian anon talking about his rapist mother somewhere, but the rest of them I tend to completely forget about trying to screencap them.

Feels kinda wrong, now that I think about it. Like preserving it that way would rob it of something, idk. I'll try and keep it in mind in future.

I can remember some, sure, but the details might be a bit fuzzy by now.

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>>6728743

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>>6728745
>Feels kinda wrong, now that I think about it.
Maybe it's because you feel text should stay text instead of being shoved onto a image, and that copy-pasting it feels like it preserves it in a purer form than screencapping it?
That's just a assumption on my part of course.

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>>6728749

>>6728749
Maybe? I've no idea, I could just be subconsciously trying to justify why I never thought to record them at the time.

Especially considering I've a history of inventing stuff and not realizing it.

>>6728749
Also, most of these stories don't tend to be very long. Like, about the length of your post, if not shorter.

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>>6728752
Randomly inventing or creating things is a neat little perk.
But yeah, I'm probably just reading too much about something that doesn't matter too much anyway. I have a habit of doing that.

>>6728756
Ah.

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>>6728760

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>>6728764

>>6728760
>But yeah, I'm probably just reading too much about something that doesn't matter too much anyway. I have a habit of doing that
Likewise, I overthink everything. I stopped watching porn for good after I found myself contemplating the nature of love whilst one was running.

>Randomly inventing or creating things is a neat little perk.
Not when you don't realize it. I nearly went mad trying to find that fanfic until I finally realized it had never existed in the first place.

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>>6728768
>I stopped watching...
Have to admit I've done it from time to time too though, but I agree that's a good point to turn off the porn for a little while. It's funny to say though.

>Fanfic
I've done that with dreams before. When I was 10 or so whenever I'd get stuck on a videogame for more then a few days I'd begin having dreams about what I need to do next. Drove me nuts.
Luckily I eventually learned how to properly use the internet.
I know your pain though.

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>>6728771
I'm going to begin diversifying my dump a little. Hope no one minds.

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>>6728772

>>6728617
What's this suicide crap? I'm ten years older than you and I've never had a significant relationship. I've had to acknowledge that neither my career nor my social life are ever going to go anywhere, and that I'm basically never going to have anything better to do with my evenings than fuck around on 4chan.

But suicide is not an acceptable answer. From a religious standpoint, they almost all unequivocally condemn it. From a non-religious standpoint, it hurts the people around you and prematurely terminates the only lifetime you'll ever get.

I am older than you, less successful than you, and I hate myself and everyone else more than you ever have. You have experiences and social skills that I'll never have the courage to acquire. And I am telling you, life is worth living.

If you ever start seriously considering suicide, don't just post shit on 4chan. Look up a suicide hotline and give them a call.

>>6728772
Shame, I was enjoying the tentacle stuff.

Always wanted to try and write a smutfic or two with that sort of thing going on, never got round to it.

Although, my confusing bundle of neuroses being what they are, I'd probably try and make it about a cheerleader (though I've never had an interest in them before. We don't even *have* those in this country.) in a consensual relationship with some kind of tentacle monster from space that she regards as her boyfriend or something.

I once tried to write an interracial story without NTR being a thing in it. Ended up turning into a post-apocalyptic story where one of the characters is a 50-year old road warrior.

It all made perfect sense at the time, but looking back I can only wonder...

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>>6728779
I'm non-religious and taking that standpoint, everyone will be able to replace me rather easily when given the chance to and I will eventually be forgotten. The only people who suicide really effects are those that was in contact with the death to see it (IE: Train drivers with suicide by trains, and that's because they feel it's somehow their fault), and family (Which I have none of).
Given a couple years, my death will be meaningless to everyone possibly involved in my life.

As for the hotline, it's unnecessary. I am seeking mental assistance and I'm actively going to therapy. I'm also honest about my feelings and suicidal ideals while I'm talking to said therapist.

Life alone just isn't worth it to me. I've experienced my version of eden on earth, my life from this point out feels like it'll just be downhill from what I got done experiencing. If I feel I've experienced the most meaningful thing I can in my life, why bother try any more? That's the issue I'm faced with at the moment.
And yes I do realize how stupid that sounds.

>>6728783
>Tentacle stuff
I'll gladly go back to it, then.

The cheerleader+tentacle story seems like something that could turn cute and fun to read.
The other thing seems a little odd though, I have to admit.

>>6728790
>The cheerleader+tentacle story seems like something that could turn cute and fun to read
Assuming I could pull it off. Lately I've got so bad that I get tangled up in plotting out all the details for stuff that when I come to actually write the story, I've nothing left.

And, assuming you are the same anon as who I've been talking to all night, then I'm pretty sure I would miss you, were you to bump yourself off.

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>>6728790
Not sure in what context you mean all night.
I'm OP and the same anon you've been talking to since you first posted in this thread, but if you mean outside this thread, I must apologize since I usually lurk a lot more than post, so this would be the first time we've talked.

I do plan on attempting to keep the thread alive for a few days at least though.

And oh god I just had to solve 3 craptchas to post. Why.

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>>6728808
was meant for
>>6728794

>>6728808
Assuming you mis-clicked and meant to quote me at >>6728794, then I'd have to say that (silly as it sounds) I really think I'd shared something with you tonight. Not often I feel like it's just you and me talking, you know?

Of course the others are here, and I imagine that they might feel the same way, to some degree or another.

My point is, I'm one of those wierdos who thinks of someone as a friend after speaking to them for half an hour. And the thought that you might do yourself in at some point is one that I don't like.

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>>6728820
I understand what you mean. But after this thread 404s, you will never know if I've stayed alive or if I've died, if you even think of me, a random anon, in a year.

I do get what you mean though and I'm sorry that in this moment you feel that way, but given a little bit of time it'll go away.

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>>6728614
Well, i am gonna breakdown this into points.
1. Ideal mate. I know(truly) how it is gonna sound to you, but you are wrong. I was in the same boat a couple of years ago, being kicked out of very long relationship with someone i considered "perfect". If it wouldn't compromise me, i would show you my /r/ForeverAlone Reddit longposts, where i preached nearly the same ideas. Trust me, after some time, dust settles and you come to understand that there is no perfection and you vision was distorted. Everybody has downsides, that your minds cut outs on love hormones. I still respect said individual, but i understand that that there was no perfection and i was building skycastles.

Also. Settling is never about dating someone you don't enjoy being around. Settling is understanding someone's quirks and accepting them. Something your previous partner did, accepting your MTF.

2. Now, about that. This will be rude, so if you are sensitive, take criticism bad, etc. - skip to the last part. You are MTF. Just starting transition. At 24.

First of all, i want to mention - 24 is late. Not really critically, but it's nowhere like starting at 14+, you probably understand. I just want to mention this, because i have a friend who was at the same boat and ultimately decided that it's better to keep his body as is, because the result may not be what you want at all.

Second, i would like you to understand that what you learned at gender studies isn't exactly the real world. The fact that "everybody is equal" doesn't really transit to "it doesn't matter that i have a dick, i am taking hormones, thus i am girl". Always understand that your dating pool is LGBT community. What's especially important - you are just now starting transition. Which makes you not really beautiful in most eyes. No, your inner value doesn't swap with looks. Plus you are losing libido being on hormones, which only leaves asexuals for now.

(cont)

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>>6728826
Posting this because I like it.

>>6728826
>I do get what you mean though and I'm sorry that in this moment you feel that way, but given a little bit of time it'll go away.
I don't think so. As we've established, I like to collect stories people tell on here because it reminds me that we're all human beings. I don't want to have to remember the night I spent talking to a person who's probably going to kill themselves.

I'd much rather remember the night I spent talking to a person who decided not to kill themselves.

Just dropping by to say this: Keep the open mind you want others to have. Setting a deadline for suicide is extremely closed-minded. Many, many things can happen in a short amount of time, and there's no sense in cutting any of your time short.

You have two opportunities for change: from without and from within. You are making strides on both fronts; being social and open to a new relationship allows for circumstances to change such that you are no longer in the situation you're in. Also, going to therapy (very, very important; don't stop) and seeking advice allows for a change in your mindset that will allow you to cope with or approach your situation differently. Both of these venues can take time, so I encourage you to eliminate your deadline and just see where things go.

Finally, I've found that different locations in the country provide different opportunities and different feels. Consider relocation somewhere far away, especially if you have no family ties holding you down.

>>6728614
>>6728828
3. Searching. For starters nobody goes around to search for someone anymore. You either go tinder/fb/hot_app_of_the_month or click around on social networking occasions. Because of your extremely small dating pool this actually plays in your favor, You don't really have to swim in the ocean of uncertain choices - there are so little, you can try them all. Go make tinder account with everything written truthfully, so only interested asexual LGBT come around. And go into said same social occasions. Worst thing - you will find more friends.

Finally, i have to repeat rude part from part 2 - you are in transition. Asking someone to become your perfect long term partner, when you are just starting to inject yourself with hormones is rather dubious idea. Wait until you are part the hard life choices - and then try again. Killing yourself over this is like killing yourself for being poor, when you just invested a million into new hedge fund. At least wait before it either profits or burns.

>>6728853
>so only interested asexual LGBT come around
You rang?

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>>6728853

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>>6728829
>1
I really, truly hope this is the case. I just don't see it being that way, for numerous reasons.

>2
I'm not easily offended and yes I do understand 24 is quite a bit late. People often mistake me for a women in restaurants as it is before I even started this whole endeavor (Though I have no clue how, but that's my self-esteem talking), so I feel I have at least a better chance than most.
That said, if I didn't at least try, I'm pretty sure I'd regret it and in my mind I'm going to die soon anyway, so I'm going to give life everything I got and try everything I possibly can that has the slightest chance of making me happy.

Also I didn't go to gender classes at all (That was my ex, who went to understand me better), but I already acknowledge all of what you said here. I'm not that immature, nor am I a big fan of lying to myself. I understand the risks.
That's also why I said 'I feel it shouldn't matter, but I realize-', because I know what I think 'should' be is different from what is, with the world around me.
As for my broken libido, just because I don't feel inclined to sex doesn't mean I wouldn't do it. I feel sex is usually important in a relationship and I would happily do things for my partner even if I initially didn't really feel up to it, as I'm sure I'd get into it more after it started.
I do get what you mean though. You're really only confirming what I'm worried about with me being MTF limiting my dating pool for numerous reasons.
That said, I've tried to push back wanting to start for 6 whole years and I've tried to just 'be okay' with myself. I think it's about time I at least try.

>>6728830
I can't help but feel this is the direction you were heading with our conversation this whole time haha. Still though, I'm sorry, I don't really have much else to say about the matter.
If I stay alive, it'll ultimately be because I wanted to.

>>6728857
>If I stay alive, it'll ultimately be because I wanted to.
In the end, that's all I want.

What is it you're looking for in a partner, anyway?

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>>6728837
Thats why I have roughly a year and a half. I feel things should be able to change within that time if they were going to.
I also want to look into Sweden more and maybe move there, for a few really small reasons. So I might end up doing your suggestion there. Not sure just yet though, I need to wait for my life to settle down a little bit more before I do anything like that.
Any suggestions of your own on where to move to?

>>6728853
>Worst thing - you will find more friends.
I guess you have a obvious point there I didn't really think about.
I'll give myself 2ish more months than make a tinder account then. I originally thought it was only for sex get-togethers though.

I also have to say again I really do think a year and a half should be enough time to see if my life is going to fly or crash.

>>6728862
More insightful than me is a huge plus. I'm usually really good at reading people and situations and that seems like a rarity. Also really honest about themselves. I see a lot of people going to therapy and other things when they're simply not honest about themselves and what they're thinking or needing. It's depressing.
Being a /d/eviant in some way is also a huge plus. Before my libido died, my sexuality was a big part in my life in a way. I usually enjoy sex and sexual things a 'lot' and I'd like it if my partner was as diverse as I was, or even moreso.
And at least somewhat attractive, but that's in the eye of the beholder.
Kindness and patience is important. Something I loved about my ex is that she got along fine with animals, even wild ones. Was able to walk right up and handfeed a wild deer. Something about being able to be calm and respectful to things around was a huge turn on, especially when creatures of nature could feel it.

I dunno, honesty, insightful and kindness seem to be a rare combination to begin with, in my opinion.
I'm sure there's more on the list, but it's painful to try and think about, so my brain keeps shutting off.

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>>6728882
Uh oh, I posted without a picture. Oops.

>>6728882
Sounds like we're made for each other.

Though, I imagine you hear that a lot.

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>>6728883

>>6728614
Nick,
maybe you wouldn't have lost me had you decided to treat me like a human being with feelings, instead of use me for 6 years while you sat on your lazy ass and let me ruin my life for your sake. Also, not sure why YOU have trust issues when i flat out told you I was going to leave you if you didn't shape up. Also, you tried to kill me and yourself at the end and I fought to not have you put in jail for years, but get psychiatric help instead. What do you do with the gift of freedom and a second chance? You still go around in a circle of pity party and bullshit and can't truly take responsibility for what you've done. You will never heal if you don't truly accept what has happened, and why it happened. I tried very hard for very long.. you had your chance, live and grow from the consequences of your actions instead of constantly giving up and dying, like you always seem to try to do.

>>6728898
I can't accept the fact I've permanently fucked myself out of my happiest ending.
What's the point of a second chance if I've already experienced the best life has to offer in regards to the only thing that matters to me.
And I have taken responsibility for my actions. I just can't do anything to make up for it or fix it now. The best I can do is keep you out of my life and try moving on with my own. What are you expecting of me?
I've also accepted what's happened and why. If you bother reading my posts you'd see I am more than willing to say 'I' was the one that fucked up. I can accept that you're not in my life anymore as a consequence of my stupidity. What more is there to accept and get over?

Me living this year and a half out is my version of trying to live life and grow from everything. Even though I have a deadline, I haven't given up yet. If I have I wouldn't be bothering asking for advice.

Don't you have working or something at this time? If you knew who I was you could at least leave me alone.

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>>6728917

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>>6728961

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>>6728965

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>>6728973

>>6728826
Everyone matters. And everything usually happens to way it's supposed to. You said that you had stagnated... Well, comments like "What else is new?" when your partner is telling you about their day is pretty shitty. But, whether you believe it or not, every single person has the ability to make a positive impact on the world. Maybe the breakup is a wake up call. Maybe your feelings are because you're going through puberty again. It's a fallacy that people NEED to find one true love in their life. People come ad go all the time. It really sounds like you need to get to know yourself a lot better than you do. The best way to do that is by focusing on YOU. When you're single, you're better able to do that.

I'm in my 30s and have spent the vast majority of my adult life single. I'm aro/ace spectrum so it's no big deal to me but I was very much in love with this person for a while. When that ended I felt similar to how you're describing.

When you're in a dark hole, it's hard to see the light around you. Figure yourself out before you worry about the future. You don't LIVE in the future, right? You live in the now. Focus on that. Are you warm? Are you fed? Are you physically comfortable?

Lastly, if you are MTF and you didn't feel comfortable transitioning while you were with your ex... If they kept you from that.. Then there was not a good dynamic and you needed to be out of that so you can focus on you.

I know I've repeated myself a lot, but it's the things that are most important. When you hit the bad moments, make a list of good things, daily affirmations or something, and post it on your wall. Read it. Focus on the moment and your body's needs. Invest in self care, whether it's lotion or healthy snacks or a hot drink you like.
No matter what you think and feel right now, you are totally worth it.

>>6728614


If you hadent gelded yourself, id have just told you thats mens sexual market value peaks around age thirty (compared to around age 20 for women), so that really you shouldent worry about it and just do your thing in young adulthood and establish yourself in life, and then only worry about getting a qt.

Also, oneitis is a defect of character, you need to form close relationships with a circle of friends of the same sex and not put the opposite sex on a pedestal. If you feel like your only hope for deep and abiding companionship is with a memeber of the opposite sex, youre unbalanced and probably wont have a succesful relationship. A man is only ready for a woman when he does not need a woman.

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>>6729029
>It's a fallacy that people NEED to find one true love in their life.
The main reason love is so much of a necessity in my life is because I have no family, and deeper trusting bonds are typically very important in someones life. Here I am without any.
I've learned that you can't substitute family. Even if someone loves you like family, it's just that, 'like family'. So instead I just want a deeper connection with one person.
I don't care much to have a lover, I just care to have a deeper, more permanent and more nurturing bond. If I could get that without being lovers with someone, that would be enough. Because I lack anything like that in my life.

>You live in the now. Focus on that.
Believe me, I'm trying. Not working too well though obviously. Thinking and behaving in the moment is very difficult.

>MTF thing
It was quite a bit more complicated than that, but I do think finally being able to at least try transitioning is a important thing. So I agree.

>>6729099
>First paragraph
That would be true if I wasn't transgender. Thank you for the attempt for helping though.

>Second paragraph
I'm bisexual, and I'm transgender. I'm friends with whoever gets along well with me. I have no specific sex put on a pedestal exactly. I'm looking for trusting companionship with anyone in that regards.

>>6729173
>Even if someone loves you like family, it's just that, 'like family'
Wrong. People form packs and tribes wherever they can, and if they lose their pack/tribe, they form another one. I knew some gay guys who adopted kids and have had to live under that stigma all their lives, even though they're the best parents in the world.
>if I wasn't transgender
Go get therapy this instant. Crisis of identity is not something you deal with on 4chan.

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>>6729200
The way I see it, if a family loses their son or daughter, they will be upset about it for possibly the rest of their lives because they cared about that individual.
If I left anyones lives, they'd be upset for a little while then get over it.

I had a group of people I considered family at one point, and they ended up being fine with me just disappearing, at more or less their request.
I learned that I can't get a family in the sense of parents or siblings. Since I'm infertile, I also have no chance of having children of my own.
The way I see it, a lover is the only way to have that deeper, irreplaceable bond I'm looking for.
If I could find the same bond in another type of relationship, I will be open and more than happy to it, but I really don't see it happening.

>Go get therapy
I am. Me being transgender isn't a problem for me.

>>6729173


In anycase, it always comes back to oneitis.

Are you working? Any 'involved' hobbies? (Ie, tabletop/traditional games/roleplaying, grappling/MMA/martial arts in general, team sports, firearms, vidya juegos/e-sports, fitness junky, programming/coding, and et cetera).

Getting involved in a likeminded group thats revolves around working at or toward something (ie a 'mannerbund') is basically the archetypical manner in which one forms deep bonds with a close circle of friends.

Like i mentioned, thinking that 'the one' is the way to fill a heart shaped hole is a maladaptive mindset. And ironically going forward in that frame of mind makes it harder to get a 'one' anyways.

Likewise, when it comes to friends, seeking only relationships qua relationship is a sandy foundation that tends to lacks depth or stability. Find a mannerbund, and youll be alright anon.

>>6729223
>thinking that...is the only way*

>>6729225
And ultimately, azerbaijani finger paint appreciation boards are great too.

Girl, I'm 29, MtF as well and I don't have anyone. Well, surprisingly, when Icame out as a transgender, Igot few offers for a date, so… You should be fine In this aspect I guess.
Just give it some time.

>>6728678

You might have to look at this a bit differently...You know your chances are shit, so just put it on the back burner. You're transsexual, which lowers your chances of a long term relationship further, you're low libido, might have a few other things I don't know about that helps or hurts your circumstances.

With that said, just wait. Don't expect a damned thing. My bf didn't get with me until he was 34, and the older you get the more meaningful the relationship. People in your age group generally want someone they can procreate with, too.

You're too young and proud. Age will make you chill out. Save up for travel or something, take your mind off things.

OK you're clearly reeling on the heels of a breakup. That's not you talking, that's the breakup depression and/or the new hormones. Don't commit to a goddamn expiry date for your happiness.
Case study: my dad.
2010: the only child, me, goes off to college / permanently moves out
2012: I graduate college, and mom leaves him. They were highschool sweethearts. He takes it really badly, he's in denial about it. Eventually comes to terms with the fact that she's gone.
2013: constant depressed attitude and comments about suicide. I make an effort to visit dad as much as I can. He never answers the phone, and has 2 cars so I never know whether he's home or not, or dead or alive (and he owns a gun). One day I visit when he's not home, and find a noose hanging from the basement rafters. I cut it up.
2013/2014: I get so annoyed with hearing him constantly saying he'll never be happy again, that I make my fiancé and a few of their shared friends take him out to the bars (my dad never used to drink). It's a gamble, but I thought that if he got a hobby with people (it's a small town, "bar" is a hobby lol) he might have a distraction. He starts going to the bar regularly, doing karaoke, dancing. He also gets a roommate and we worry a little less. He even has a few hookups and dates casually.
2015: his love life hasn't really improved, nor have his finances. He's constantly between roommates as he lives in the country and most people like to be in town. He's not as depressed, but still complains about how he can't find a long term partner. He has high standards (maybe too high). He drinks home alone a lot.
2016: his attitude has improved, he is always out if the house doing things. No partner, but seems overall happy. I guess he's just realized what's important, and figured out who he is WITHOUT a "her".
... It's been almost 4 years and this feels like his year. He may find someone in the future. But he's only just recovered in the last year or so.

>>6728614
From quite a young age I've accepted the idea that I'll probably never be in a serious enough relationship that would result in marriage. If I do happen to find someone I'd be willing to marry, great, and if not oh well. I plan on living my life to the fullest for my own sake and enjoying the company of family and friends and doing the things I want to do. Perhaps its selfish to some, but I think its the best way to live, for yourself and no one else

>>6728692
from this post you started HRT at an emotionally vunerable point which of course sends your hormones nuts.

take some time and stabilize after the major happenings, no need to rush things

>>6728614
If you got into a relationship once, you can get it again.

Remember than most of us have never even been kissed. You are a massive step ahead.