/bdsmg/ BDSM General #273

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>>6512889
Honestly, I haven't done much with kink out in the open. Once during an anime convention I had a custom collar made and sparked an interest with a friend to have one of his own made.

One of my coworkers recently showed she has a keen interest in the sensation of knifes aainst her skin. I was tempted to ask what major city she was closest to to figure out what kink group would suit here. The problem is that she shows episodes of very poor judgement and likely not show proper discretion.

Though this is the same group of people where I had a few too many drinks and let slip "I like a woman who gets on her knees and calls me Master." My coworker's response was to recommend a goth club up in Lakewood that would be right up my alley.

I usually keep my kink cards close to my chest, but every time I do talk about it in the open I get a positive response.

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>>6512896
fuck, that's hot. Anyone know the artist for this one?

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>>6512889
Done some minor public stuff.

We went on a vacation, drove for like 10 hours. Except when we stopped for breaks I wore locking wrist and ankle cuffs, usually with my wrists and ankles locked together, and I spent a lot of it naked or in just lingerie. I Had a blanket to cover myself though. For a lot of it Mistress had me put on my collar, that was hard to cover with the blanket completely especially with my wrists locked together, I think a few people got a glimpse of it. She had me wear a ball gag occasionally while we were in less populated areas, but I pretty much just hid completely under the blanket at those times. She made me come out once when the road was empty, but I think she could tell I was scared of being seen and decided it was alright if I hid.

That was the most visible stuff, sometimes she would have me put on nipple clamps and sometimes she would have me play with toys. It was a really fun drive.

On that same vacation Mistress decided that since we were out of town a bit of public humiliation would not be dangerous and had me go buy embarrassing combinations of things from a Walmart. We did it two times on that trip, first time I had to get some phallic vegetables and lube, second time I had to get some lingerie, a dog collar and a leash. We didn't use the vegetables and lube, but we did use the dog collar, lingerie and leash.

That was a fun vacation.

I have, one time, gone out with a small plug in. I have some sets of clothes that are more revealing than I would choose to wear, and Mistress has occasionally had me wear those on a date night with her. I am actually very modest normally so that is quite intense and embarrassing for me. I would say that qualifies.

I have wanted to try a remote vibrator and rope harness under clothes, but I have chickened out every time.

>>6513302
Do you have a remote vibrator?
If so, which one?

>>6513523
We had one, but it broke. It was a cheap piece of junk though that got thrown in with a strap on we were ordering, so that wasn't surprising. I can't remember the brand or model. One of the reasons I was scared to do it was because the thing didn't always register commands from the remote, so I always would freak myself out over scary scenarios in my head like it being on full power when a sales rep or something comes along and it wont turn off. Like, if I knew Mistress was in total control I think I could handle the possibility of her turning it on and leaving it while I have to try to act normal, I trust her to read the situation, but it was real scary that she couldn't always get it to work right. And she wouldn't know until I told her that it didn't work.

It is something I really want to do some time though. I was always the one pushing to try, so we would get ready and go out and I would chicken out when we got to the store. That happened like 3 times. Mistress was quite patient.

We have been looking into getting an actually decent one since that one broke but we are poor and the only thing it is irreplaceable for is this. I don't know if I am ever going to be able to work up the courage, so it is low priority. I think a better starting point would be a vibrator I control or maybe just ropes. You know, work myself up to it.

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>>6512889
I have a personal rule about never-ever involving the civilian world in my private kinks.
That sort of thing doesn't feel like something consentual to me.

>>6512889
Far as public *kink* goes the most I've done is count out how many times I'm going to spank someone later.
Had a mental list of things that would count against them (for example, saying sorry too much/for no reason) and anytime they did it I'd just count out loud "one".

I thought people would be confused about why the hell I would reply to my girlfriend saying "sorry" with "seventeen" but no one ever asked about it.

Otherwise just some general public sex/pseudo-public nudity stuff.

I am an individual of simple tastes. The most public I ever did was being bound to a chair by my master before being surprised by his sister entering the room with a razor, cut my clothes and shave my privates before forcing me to cum by being fingered while he silently watched me being abused.

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Wow. Never seen one of these threads so early on.

So I've got one of these dental gags, except there's rubber part where the teeth go, and the "ticks" are finer.

I can't seem to position it wide enough so it will both fit in without a strap made of rope AND not be painful.

Any tips?

>>6514011
How wholesome.

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>>6514027
First: congrats on showing up early this time.
As for your question: I would think the way such a device would most likely cause pain is in forcing the jaw too wide, however that would preclude it (with it's fine tooth ratchetings) of having a setting so wide as to hold firm in the mouth but not so wide as to be harmful...?
Have you been too quick in your operation of this device? Not slow and careful enough?
It's too simple a mechanism to have a hidden defect you wouldn't be able to see.
And exactly how is it painful? Is it he jaw being opened too wide? Or at the points where it meets your flesh? If the latter, where specifically?

>>6514047
The ratchets are very fine, and secure. I may need to go slower.

I'm using it on my gf, and she said it was "too wide". I've used it on myself, and the part where it is secure and firm does not hurt.

I'm guessing that I'll have to use the rope-strap.

>>6514027
Get one that comes with straps preinstalled.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00ZDNUFKO

Also keep in mind you're not supposed to jam open the mouth with it, only open it up enough for the piece to slide in.

Me again:
>>>6512333

So the only thing I've been told with regard to multiple partners and sex is to have fun. But again in my head it's very hard to parse what is on the table.

It's not something I've done before, and my sexual experience is all very mono-centric. I mean I can get as far as fucking one who is going down on the other, but I'm just not sure how to work with a crowd.

Porn isn't remotely helpful, because it is visually focused or entirely around the male. I just quite literally don't know what you do with the third person, let alone the fourth.

I accept that every person and every sexual scenario is different, and there is no blanket "this is what works for people", but having an idea of things to try/do/how to orchestrates would be fucking helpful, if not at least to help me ease up a bit and not sabotage it with stress

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>>6514237
I think the problem you are having here is that most of us have never had multiple partners at once, and many of us wouldn't. Like, it is a fine fantasy but I can only think of one person I would be comfortable enough with to be willing to bring in and I know they wouldn't want to so a threesome is completely off the table for now. My actual advice would be that you seem like you are not comfortable with it, don't do it.

But that doesn't seem like an option so we are defaulting back to our general advice. Have fun, do what feels good. Try to be confident and don't worry if you make mistakes, laugh it off. Sex is silly.

What you really need here is more information so you can make a plan. So much of successful bdsm is planning. You know your girlfriend well enough, you probably know how to push her buttons, you need to figure out what the two other girls are like.

Are they new to bdsm, do they have some experience?
Are they subs or switches?
What sort of things are they looking to do and have done to them?
Are they together or just friends?
Are either (or both) of them bi or gay?

Figure out what is on the table. Spanking? Is it going to be ok if you have one of the girls give the other oral? That sort of thing. These girls agreed to a foursome, you can probably go pretty far.

Have your girlfriend find these things out so you can use them. Have her be your assistant before and during the scene. Make plans with her, she arranged this, she obviously had some idea of how she wanted this to go, lean on that.

Handling one partner is hard enough as a top, juggling 3 is going to he really difficult. Don't be afraid to break the Dom illusion, especially with your girlfriend. You need her help, ask for it.

Now, for the actual plan. This is going to get complicated, so write it down so you can keep track of it. Keep it basic, you are a beginner at this, so don't get too fancy.

>>6512889

The first BDSM thing I ever did was getting flogged in public.

Day-to-day I'd say I'm pretty quiet and shy.

Thanks to some things in my past, I get off on doing exhibitionist-type stuff though.

>>6514237
Something came up, I'll have to finish later.

>>6513976

I agree. Keep your exhibition to kink events.

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Would you guys be interested at all in a map?

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>>6514709
Like a zeemap type deal? That doesn't sound like a bad idea

>>6514709

I'm down.

The /k/ one was interesting.

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For anybody into male doms, do you prefer them to be hairy or clean shaven?

>>6514965

Most women prefer their men to be tneither hairy nor clean shave, but neatly trimmed, I've not seen anything to suggest different standards for male doms.

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>>6515042
There's a BIG difference between groomed and "dolphin smooth"

>>6514534
>>6514237
Ok, got some time.

Create a basic outline of what you want to do. Start from the beginning. I've never done a foursome before, so this is largely me brainstorming and fantasizing. Basically this is how I would try running it

Break your plan into sections. Here is how I would break it up.

Start with talk. Your goal here is to help everyone to their ease. Make sure each of the girls is comfortable going forward, give them a pressure free out. Ideas like this can seem fun when you are planning them but too intense when it comes time, so everyone gets an out and make sure they know it can stop at any point. If someone needs to wait, maybe watch a bit before they join in, let them.

Don't be afraid that this makes you look weak, and don't be apologetic about this. Have the confidence to let down the facade for a moment, it will make you a much more convincing top. More importantly, once you have had a good talk like this you know for sure they are consenting and that they know they can tell you to stop if you do something they don't like, so you can be confident in what you are doing.

Now get started. Your goal here is to get everyone naked and warmed up, to break the ice. Switch to top mode, give orders like you expect them to be obeyed. Don't just tell the girls to take off their clothes, make them strip tease or strip each other or something. And take advantage of the fact that you have 3 hot women at your whim. Like, if I was in this situation, ordered to strip, and halfway through the Domme says "Stop. Lily, come here." and then proceeds to touch and grope me in front of the other women, that is hot.

I can't speak for all subs, but that is one of the main things I get out of being a sub, being at the whim of the top. It feels really good, heightens every sensation. Being helpless is even better.

more in a bit.

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>>6515272
So I guess at this point you are in the main swing of things. Your biggest thing here is going to be that you are not going to be able to occupy all three women at once. This is where your girlfriend's cooperation is going to be vital, you are going to need to play the girls against each other some how and she is going to need to help keep things going.

As for specific things you can do, I have been thinking about this for a bit, I really am not sure what you can do here. I have some ideas about what I would like, but I am an experienced submissive masochist lesbian, so I have no idea if it will translate. Like, at this point I am hoping a cane and hot wax are entering the situation. Are you comfortable with the idea of impact play?

Should I just start listing off things I would like here? Do you think that would that help at all?

Not sure if i should ask this on in the fetlife group but it seems dead.

Is anyone in southern Ontario going to any of the upcoming club edge events in Hamilton?

If anyone in the area wants to form a small group or anything or just join one of the larger ones around that could be cool.

any one have recommendations to make vaginal sex painful as a forum on punishment?

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>>6516468
there's always good ol' orgasm denial

>>6516468
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-4OX9oVUsg

>>6512889
Holy crap OP, that pic is awesome!

>>6516512
Top kek

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can deny I am a switch no longer. Some sensual blindfold play turned into an introduction to impact play. The intoxicating rush of domination aside, do you guys have any advice for the basics with hands only impact on the rear?

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>>6516468

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>>6517491
Take your time with the warm up phase. Figure out what kind of session want going in. Short and intense sessions are good for pushing a sense of control. Longer session in waves tend to have a more sensuous result. Read up on how impact play can cause a person to go into subspace.

The trick is giving a person time to recover between pushing them down. The brain builds up endorphina like a capacitor. You have to let it charge up before pushing their body into fight of flight. After about three goes the sub is stoned out of their mind on natural pain killers.

While establishing consent and boundaries is always a must when starting out, there is something to be said for grabbing a sub by the hair with no warning, and then pulling them over your knee for an impromptu spanking session. No words or reasoning. A spanking just because you like giving it.

>>6516468
How about. Don't.

>>6517499
I've done that before on the glans of my own penis by accident.

I was slicing jalapenos, and my dick got itchy.

It felt as though I had stuck my dick in a candle, and I could not ablate the feeling.

It is a massively painful burning sensation. I couldn't even ignore it. I had to turn on a freezing cold shower and soap it for a long time before it went away.

I really don't recommend doing this. You're applying burn-feeling to nerve-endings, and it's all oily so you can't just wash it off.

>>6517995
Causing someone pain from something that should be pleasant may sound fun, but in reality it will be very unlikely that she'd be into that, or that the effects would last only as long as you want to punish your sub.
>inb4 she's not supposed to be into it
I get that, but really you could have the desired effect by just being too rough or keep fucking her until she no longer likes it.
Also it could be potentially traumatic, and make her not want to have sex at for a while, months even, girls don't have the same boner needs as guys persay, and can just ignore most levels of arousal letting it fade away instead of needing to rub it out.

>>6518002
Also, the fact that you need to stick your dick into her capsaicin-laced-vagina is a sure way to share in the intense, horrific, nerve-searing pain.

>>6518004
...I assumed he would use one of those condoms with spikes or ridges on it, but yea, that would be pretty bad too.

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I think some guys here might not realize how much of a heathcare complication having a vagina can be, you can screw up all sorts of ways there.
It's not actually safe play to "spice things up".

>>6518016
Yea, as a general rule I'd say don't do anything to your girl's vag that you wouldn't do to your own butt.

>>6516512
Man, that guy is such a judgemental fuck. He acts as though poor uneducated people doing stupid sexual shit due to cultural values and taboos around sex is somehow an African problem. It happens EVERYWHERE. We live in a society where labiaplasty is a thing as is "hymen restoration", not to mention the stupidest thing, male circumcision, which used to be near universal just because Harvey Kellogg thought his bland cereal wasn't enough to destroy sex drives and had to try and make evil masturbation less pleasurable for men, and it stuck. He also advocated similar things for girls, except it was carbolic acid on the fucking clit to destroy it (I imagine infections and the sheer suffering it causes is why it didn't catch on).

Go into any disadvantaged, uneducated community and you will findsexual things which are pretty horrendous, add in lack of broader cultural knowledge due to lack of education of the wider community and weak, often corrupt post-colonial states unable to ensure reliable social services and rule of law and you get all the terrible shit he describes. It is not a problem due to something inherent in Africans, it is an issue in African society as it exists now, and is trying to fix, in some places succeeding. Plus, Africa is FUCKING HUGE. You can't lump all cultural practices under the same banner, the east is different from the west from the north and south and centre etc. Lumping them all together is like assuming Serbia and Iceland are mostly the same, they're both European.

Man, FUCK this guy.

How's everyone's experiences with subspace? How often is it safe to enter it? Are there degrees of depth, or is that like being "half pregnant"? What does it feel like, and do you find it addictive? Do you have mental health issues too, or are you psychologically healthy, and how does that effect your experiences and desires?

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>>6518212
I'm not a sub, so take my opinion with a grain of salt, but in my experience it is most definitely addictive for some who will then need to be reined in and protected from themselves.

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>>6517977
>read up on how impact play can cause a person to go into subspace
any specific suggestions?

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>>6519579
Turns out there is a whole fetlife group on just this topic.

https://fetlife.com/groups/5653

>>6518212
My partner is submissve to me. Fairly.. healthy mentally. Has some anger issues that just need managed. He gets very cranky and noticeable irritable if I haven't played with him for a period of time. I do think he's addicted to the submission.

>>6518212
I should also probably add that he slipped into the danger zone the first few times he submit. He disregarded any concern for his own personal well being. I kept the reigns on due to this but he rode a euphoric high after for at least 24 hours. It was damn difficult to manage because after he just dropped like a lead ball onto my foot. Since that happened I'm much much more careful to monitor the play for signs..

lifestyle lurker girl here again

i recently watched sakurasou and got really sad

the lead girl is some sort of an idiot savant type. she goes beyond cute moeblob into straight up mentally ill person - she needed a nurse for most of her life. complete disregard for social norms and complete dependency. she even refers to the MC as her owner.

and it depresses me that this is actually what i want to be. some character from a mediocre light novel. complete dependence.

but, unfortunately, i am not a savant about anything and would not be able to make a living while disregarding social norms and customs. and my owner would never agree to something like that and his goal is actually to teach me independence. i don't want to just stop trying to the point where i'll be worse than before, that would be a forced burden without mutual consent. and i don't want to leave him because of this. and finding a new owner on these criteria would be a nightmare and/or suicide.

>>6521520
She never struck me as literally mentally ill, though. Just kind of weird in the head in a vague, cartoony way.

Does anyone have a good recommendation for a remote controlled wireless bullet? I'm looking to get one for my girlfriend/submissive and /bdsmg/ tends to have good advice.

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So what's the best color of collar, /bdsmg/?

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>>6521520
So very very not a S/m anime.
Here's the thing, I'm kinda sorta like Mashiro myself (only I was crushed under the weight of my talents early) so I KNOWknow that story wasn't ever going to be about petgirls in any way.
SO disappointing, I know.
Though... It is a nice exploration of high expectations for a person warping their socialization. Those things actually happen like that.
(It's one of the reasons why genius people are almost always wackadoos.)

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>>6521704
Black, possibly in brown if it's nice leather.
I'm a firm believer of subtlety in fashion, even kinkwear.
It's not like I'm ever going to dress a sub up as some ridiculous sex clown...
...

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>>6521704
Black. Plain and simple. Something form fitting to be snug with a metal piece to attach a leash or to tug.

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>>6522053

>with a metal piece ...

I like that. I figured at least one D ring on a collar would go without mentioning but there's room for a lot of personalization here. I think one of those personalized wide flat metal dogtags dangling and bouncing around on the collarbone would be a good start, and someplace to attach a padlock and chain or two, maybe occasionally clutter it all up a bit with some temporary accessories. Like a big gaudy charm bracelet for the neck. That could be interesting.

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>>6519579
How could I have possibly missed this.

*noseboop* Welcome to the thread!

>>6521613
That's the issue, she's not cartoonishly quirky, she exhibits outright traits of developmental disability to the point where she needs a legal caretaker.

>>6521891
It's sad that the light novel is so terrible. The adaptation is just superior in every way, but after the anime ends the LN shits on its own themes.

>>6521704

Anything but black, which only goes with more black.

>>6521668
Haven't found a good one yet.
Although I have read that the We Vibe 4+ is good, it's not a bullet though...
If you find something neat, please post it here!

>>6522250
I tried that, it's pretty shitty- doesn't really stay in place properly and the vibrations aren't all that strong.

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>>6521911
>>6522053
>>6522216
>>6521704
Black, brown, and sometimes red are all nice for more serious scenes, but for more casual cutesy stuff brighter colors are nice too.

>>6512889
The GF and I went out one night while she was wearing a rope harness under her clothes, and using a bandana as an incognito collar.

Twas good fun. She kept fidgeting and blushing and adjusting her clothes to hide the harness.

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Halloween time again!
Another year went by and now we have that rare chance again to behave in socially innapropriate ways by dressing in creepy masks and sexually provocative costumes, begging people for treats or playing mischievous tricks, giving people scares or feeling shivers run up and down our spines...
It's just such a rare change of pace.

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>>6523259
You know, sexuality is one of those things that gets repressed, and comes out in some of the more unexpected ways. Around Kent State University they have a weekend Halloween festival that I've dubbed "Slutstober." People are sexual beings and need way to express their feelings. Throw in sexually conservative families, not knowing how to pursue what they want.

Recently I was reading Keith Richards memiors and part of his early experince was women in the crowd going nuts with lust. A janitor would ahve to come out and clean up all the panties throw on stage afterwards. Funny thing is, Keith figures that the corwd was screaming so loud that they couldn't have heard the music. Being in sexually charged environment was just something people needed and enjoyed.

>>6523870
It is epic fucked up that kinksters catch flak for doing what "normal" people do whenever there's a vague excuse scheduled on a calendar.

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>>6524205

I've been interested in sadism for years and I'm now with a guy interested in masochism and submission. I've been with subby men before, but not one into in painplay. My BF only has a little experience on his end, so we have a safeword of course.

I'm not so much interested in doing a scene or using props for now, but I'd like to have some sadism flow in naturally with the sex. We talked about it and he's interested in trying biting, breathplay, impact play, that sort of stuff. Do you have any suggestions for more sensual things I could try in the sadism spectrum? I'd like to break up the pain elements with tenderness and romance.

Also, Happy Halloween.

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>>6524437
I'd start by knowing yourself and identifying your needs in a sadist role. Even with prior experience domming and topping a scene you'll never quite know how things will shake out when new elements are introduced. Write out what you'll need for aftercare and what you'll need your partner to provide.

Next talk with your partner and make a Want/Will/Won't list. Also referred to as a Yes/Maybe/No list and a dozen other names. You make three lists of ten items each. Here you list out what you want from a scene, what you are willing to do for the sake of your partner, and what are hard limits.

Establish a system to check in with each other. The simplest form is a safe word. This is like an on/off switch for consent. A step further is green, yellow, red. Green is go, yellow is "I need a break", and red is stopping the scene all together.

A step further is a five color system.
Blue is "hurt me more"
Green is "you're hurting me just fine"
Yellow is "Slow down your pace"
Orange is "I need a break"
Red is "Stop the scene"

A good rule of thumb is that when Red is called, you stop the scene for the evening. Unless you have very strict schedules and can't see each other for more than a once a month, it's often better to talk about what happened, perform aftercare for each other.

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>>6524437
For impact play you'll want to focus on the meaty parts of the body. Think about the fluid shock wave an impact will have. You'll want to avoid bones, joints, and organs. The ass, thighs are often really good places to abuse. For your first session you'll want to try many different types of impact and various degrees of intensity. A phone book provides a Thud sensation and a thin wooden rod would be lots of Sting.

You'll One reason I advise different tools and intensity is to see how quickly and intensely his skin marks. You don't want to go full ham on a biscuit right out of the gate. Try a few things out, talk about it, and plan out what you want to try next time.

If you want to make it romantic, that's simply, control his body and talk to him. Get in his head and see what makes him hot. Find out what heart strings need to be plucked in order for him to really get into submission. Some guys need to feel their bodies beaten and hurt in order to be put in their place. Others simply need to sit at your feet and eat out of your hand. Find out if he's more the time that wants to be whipped into submission, wants to willingly submit, and what place his place is. Some guys need to be petted on the head and told what a good boy they are, others need to be pushed down on their back and called a pretty little slut. Try a little bit of everything and see what does it for the both of you.

Get your pleasure as well. Being a dom turned on by their control over their sub makes an experience ten times hotter for everyone involved.

Nice pic by the way. I finally get part of the appeal of vampire smut. Subs double as a walking blood bag labeled "To go lunch."

ouh

>>6524645
>>6524660

Great tips, thank you!

Just bought a set of cuffs and two collars in a sale. There's a girl who'd look really pretty in one of these collars, but I'm too fucked up and heartbroken to open up to her enough to get to that stage. It's an abstract kind of feel.

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Thread's not halloweeny at all.

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>>6524789
I'm going to post this and hope it inspires and encourages you.

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>>6525354
thanks senpai

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>>6525529
...wait, does senpai autocorrect to senpai now?

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>>6525537
Well I'll be. I wonder why on earth Hiroshimoot went and did that.

>>6525537
>>6525538
It was part of a Halloween joke that I think is here to stay. At first it was "sempai", but then they changed the romanization

also:
>c uc k= kek
>c ucked = keked
>s mh = baka
>t bh = desu

So "s\mh t\bh f\am" becomes "baka desu senpai". And yes, this is the greatest thing ever.

"SJW" also filtered to "SPOOKY SCARY SKELETON" but it doesn't anymore so I htink that really was just a Halloween thing.

>>6525354
Is that the artist of Nana and Kaoru?

>>6525985
That IS Nana to Kaoru

>>6525987
Kaoru has black hair though.

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>>6524359
I don't think it's worth getting worked up about what we get flak for. Lashing out in furious vain at the injustices of society is for, Reddit, Tumblr and /pol/. It's our world. So long as we keep to ourselves, we can do what we want. We play our own game by our own rules. Society doesn't understand those rules, nor do they really understand the fun of the game in the first place. It's like listening to an American talk about cricket. Or, if you are an American yourself, listening to anyone other than a Jap or another American talk about baseball.

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>>6524359

Well I live with snakes and lizards
and other things that go bump in the night
'Cuz to me everyday is Halloween
I have given up hiding and started to fight
I have started to fight

Well any time, any place, anywhere that I go
all the people seem to stop and stare
they say 'Why are you dressed like it's Halloween?
you look so absurd, you look so obscene'

>>6526041
bah-boop-boop-bah-boop-bah-bah
bah-boop-boop-bah-boop-bah-bah
bah-boop-boop-bah-boop-bah-bah

Favorite shibari/kinbaku pose?

Writing a short story, would like a little inspiration.

>>6525988
New characters, same manga

>>6525988
Those characters are Nana's homeroom teacher and her boyfriend. They appear in one arc.

>>6525983

Chinese moot has done more to improve post quality in a month than moot prime did in years.

>>6526406
What is this? Crisis of the infinite boards? If so who's the Anti-Monitor? Does the "New 52" /d/ have a sluttier Starfire?

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>>6526305
I don't know if this is officially a pose but I really like a torso harness with lots of slack line left on that tie in the middle of the back, you then tie each ankle to the same 4 ft line and each wrist to the same 3 ft line, you then thread both those lines through a loop you make and tie off with that slack line from the torso harness.
If I can do it right (I try my best) the sub-ject can't extend one of their right limbs without pulling their corresponding left limb back to the middle of their back, and vice-versa.
Hindered mobility playtime commences.

>>6526892
You know what this is missing?
Sound effects.

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>>6512889
The furthest I've really gone (assuming play parties =/= public) is wearing a collar/necklace under my shirt, or maybe the one time we went out while I was dressed up in a skirt and stuff to a quiet movie theater.

So, story/question time:
>A while back, I was being "punished" for going away on work to a convention
>"punishment" was to give my gf/domme oral for a full hour
>we agreed to break it up into two half-hour bits so we could have a break and food in between.
>Light, usual foreplay to get turned on, then she sets the timer
>I get started, licking away like I usually do, trying to please her, trying to get her off.
>Can't see anything, breathing limited because face buried in pussy
>She's responding like usual at first, very talkative, lots of grinding against me
>She finally starts slowing about 15-20 min in after multiple orgasms (she lost count)
>Still 10 min on the clock
>Finally sinks in I don't have anything else to do right now but enjoy licking her pussy
>She's too worn to talk or move; only responding with moans
>I slow too, but also lose track of time and most everything else.
>Keep going until the timer finally stops us
>We start to cuddle, I'm big spoon, an I haven't gotten release or orgasm yet
>Feels warm, comfy, lovely
>She shifts in my arms.
>Feel pleasure shoot through my fingertips where they moved against her skin, feels more like I'm the one being touched in sensitive spots.
>Tell her, she shifts more so I can reach more places better.
>Start caressing her, feels like I'm the one being caressed by super pleasure touches.
>Orgasm from it. Orgasm again when she finally moves to touch my limp body.
>We decided to forget about the second half-hour.
So... I'm assuming I probably hit some kind of subspace, but I'm still a bit confused by that crossed-sensory-feedback I was experiencing when giving her aftercare in that mental space. Has anyone else felt anything like that before? Does anyone else have any stories of that?

I'm looking to pick up a bullet/egg vibrator for use with the gf, but I haven't purchased sex toys before. I'd like to just buy one on Amazon but there are a million different options.

Are there any resources that /bdsmg/ uses for this? Can anyone recommend a good entry level device?

Does anybody have any suggestions for an anal toy I can use to force prostate orgasms in one of my pets?
I was thinking maybe something electro for the high intensity, would that work?

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>>6512889
Hi /bdsmg/, I come to you a total noob.

I went and made myself a fetlife account, met a dom on there. We hit off great and have had a lot of back and forth banter, then lewd things, then have discussed in length what we'd like to do, and he started giving me orders through the webcam and such and it just made me want more. We should meet up in a week or so (already warned some friends in his city and have arranged I can stay over at someone else's place if needed).

The thing he is mostly into is giving out pain. So is there a big difference between a sadist and a dom?

Having never done anything bdsm-related except fantasize wildly, how do you know what your limits are?

Lastly, since during what we are planning I will most likely be sucking dick a lot, how do you "safeword" with your mouth full or gagged?

>>6528525

Not all subs are masochists, and not all doms are sadists. Domination doesn't need to include painplay. Sadism and masochism are independent from whether someone might be a dom or sub. There are sadistic subs and masochistic doms. Many people enjoy both to an extent.

Honestly, even the wikipedia article on BDSM could tell you all this.

Do you like pain? Do you like being degraded or humiliated? Do you just want someone to take control sexually but not inflict pain? Only you know what gets you going. Usually masochists start experimenting with self-harm long before ever engaging in painplay with another.

>>6528525
>So is there a big difference between a sadist and a dom?
Dom describes a role, sadist describes a fetish.

>>6527576
It's been quite a while since we got one of those, but really just look for something with 4+ stars between 5 and 15 dollars. That should work to start.

>>6528525
Congrats on finding someone, that can be hard.

Sadism more informs the style and fetishes of a dom. This may sound obvious, but if he is a sadist come prepared to experience pain. What I mean by that is think about it, what kind of pain seems erotic to you (if it does) and try to figure out why. Would you consider yourself a masochist, do you get off on the idea of being caused pain? Do you like the idea of being helpless to stop it, or is it more that you like the idea of voluntarily taking pain to please him? Do your best to figure it out ahead of time so you can properly express yourself when he asks if something is good or bad. You get more out of subbing if you put more in.

While you will be able to rule out some things right off, you really don't know your limits until you test them. Start small and communicate and talk every time afterwards about how much further he could have pushed it.

Safe wording with a full mouth is a problem with several solutions depending on the situation, and you will need to trust him to pay closer attention. One way is to give a "uh-uh" noise. Another is to very deliberately tap them twice. I say tap, more like a soft hit. Hard enough that they wont mistake it as accidental. Humming a few notes works while gagged.

Make sure he isn't afraid to check on you. There are ways to do this with minimal disturbance to the scene. My Mistress simply says "safeword" and then I give her one of my safe words, the meaning of which range from stop right now to hurt me more. It takes about two seconds and has greatly improved the quality of our scenes as there is a lot less guesswork for her in how far she can push me.

>antagonize dom while we play civ all day
>she's never done much more than spanking
>today we spend a lot of the time looking into punishment
>she takes down a list of the worst five
>later that evening
>"anon, cuddle me"
>yesplease.jpg
>"now tell me what you did wrong today"
>"w-what?"
>"tell me. What. You. Did."
>five minutes later she shoves me in the shower

Holy heck cold showers are terrible

10/10 would recommend to enforce obedience

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>>6528608
Not to nitpick, but domination is also a fetish unto itself. I myself actually like it more than sadism.

>>6528525
You're a submissive. You get off on obeying. That's confirmed. That is very very different from getting off on pain.
You need to determine if you are a masochist, if you aren't one then this relationship is doomed to fail and it would be wrong to lead this sadist on.
If you are, even just a little bit, the relationship's fate will rise and fall on other issues yet to be determined.
Good luck.

I understand they're all separate, but can somebody post examples of a Masochistic Dom and a Sadistic Sub?

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>>6529255
There's this thing called "bottoming from the top"... or "Topping from the bottom".
It's when a sadistic partner is micromanaged by a controlfreak masochist who wants everything -just so- in order to get off in exactly the way they want.
It's a bit more obvious why a masochist would feel safer controlling everything but that distrust motivation for domination can be found in lots of D sadists too. And I can really see how a sadist would want to free themselves from any responsibility for cruelty.
That said, there's a bit of contempt in some kinkmunities for this type of sexual expression.
It's a bit hypocritical because the BDSM ideal is shared responsibility and mutual compliance with each other's wishes, so there's not really that many instances of total and complete one-sided domination out there.

>>6528607
>do you like pain
Specific types yes, spanking, slapping and hair pulling which is also how I tend to masturbate. Or clothespins and such.

>>6529171
>try to figure out why
Good question. There is the heightened sensation, every sexual stimulus becomes much more intense when there is pain somewhere

>the idea of voluntarily taking pain to please him
That also very much. Especially if orgasm is being flaunted as the carrot to keep you taking pain.

I'll take your suggestion in mind to start small, and what you described regarding your dom checking in. That sounds like it is not disruptive but keeps the participants on the same line.

I guess what I am also afraid of is not stopping things when I should because I feel like a weakling or a failure, and putting up with more than I can handle.

Anyhow thanks to all of you who replied.

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>>6529255
Dom/sadist and sub/masochist typically go together because they are on the same side of the power exchange.

It is possible to create scenarios where a sub gets to act sadistically and a dom gets to act masochistically. For example, lets say there is a three way. A dom, a masochist sub, and a sadist sub. The dom could direct and command the sadist in how she must torment the masochist.

But realistically if a dom has tendencies to masochism or a sub has tendencies toward sadism they typically end up switching from time to time. Nothing wrong with that.

>>6529395
The most important thing you can realize as a sub is that safe wording is not a failure state. Or rather that the mindset that leads to that conclusion is incorrect. You are not weak for keeping within your limits, you are smart. You are not failing your dom when you safe word, you are giving them vital feedback and doing exactly what a good sub should.

Consider this: Two subs, one will safeword without hesitation, the other is nervous and might not safeword before she gets hurt. Which one can you push farther? Obviously the sub you can trust to keep herself safe by properly safe wording.

>>6529404
>all of my partners have been subby as hell
>tfw at this point I don't even feel like playing the dom
sometimes,being a switch is suffering

>>6529441
Please listen to this

I'd be very upset if my sub wasn't calling her safe word when she needed to. It would make me feel like shit.

>>6529255

I had a dominant partner who would restain me poorly on purpose so my hands would be free and I'd be able to scratch, bite, choke, and slap him while he fucked me. His role was dominant, but he was accepting and enjoying pain from me.

Can't believe this general is still going, even if a lot of the old people left...

Are we going on almost 2 years soon?

Hey guys. Sorry for no pic. I just occasionally lurk the thread. I'm pretty concerned atm.

I'm a masochist and wanted to join the scene. No events, just some 1on1. Kind of navigated into an emotional conflict here. I just read about the stuff a sadist did in his youth to "vent" on foolchan. He talked about slaughtering, mutilating, torturing and hunting animals as a release to keep him from doing more sinister things. It was gruesome and although it turned me on it also felt bad. Just wrong.

He was so polite though... it's such an ambivalent feeling right now. I experienced this before but never learned how to handle it properly. Is there something I don't get about this? Do I just live with it? If I ignore my concerns and just focus on the good sides I feel really fucking shabby about myself after a while when the poor animals come to mind.

It's not just the hunting though. There's some part of my mind telling me this whole sadism thing is so wrong and I need to forget about it, but I'm always drawn back sooner or later. I kinda need it and if it's cruel and unjust it just turns me on more.
So there are 2 opposite sides. I really don't know what to think. Can you help me with this or tell me if you experienced the same? I think just reading your opinions on it would really help me right now...

>>6530167

Honestly? That sadist is a freak, stay away from him. Not all sadists are sociopaths.

I get off on sadistic play with a partner, but I've never hurt an animal in my life and the idea of doing so turns my stomach. I also don't get off on hurting people who don't want it. If my partner isn't getting off on the pain, it's not pleasurable for me.

>>6526429
Yes to all. All we need now is Superboy prime to punch our timeline.

Hey guys. I just want to thank you all the posters for this awesome thread. It has been a good source of bdsm information for me. So thanks!

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>>6530167
>>6530183
I've hurt animals before (I'm from a hunting and farming community) and despite the fact that I'm sadistic as all hell I've never enjoyed killing animals for any reason. No matter how practical it might have been it always really bothered me and weighed upon my mind afterward.
That guy has a different pathology from sadists like me. He might not even be a SEXUALsadist at all. Avoid that type. He's dangerous.
But I imagine that's not your biggest question here. I bet you're more worried about how much it turned you on. Guro is a reallyreally guilty pleasure, I know. I mostly avoid it myself, it bothers me too, but it does press my kink button.
The trick to this is to find the level of wrong that will still thrill you but will not leave you feeling disgusted with yourself. There's a half-measure out there that'll be just right for you. You just need to find it. I like it in the form of the written word and avoid 2D, 3D, and IRL at all costs, this might be your level too but I won't judge you if you go further.

But always remember that you don't have to ever feel bad about being a sadomasochist if you don't want to.

>>6530576
OMG! That post is just SO sappy! That post got the sappy all over. We're all covered in how sappy it is, it's kinda sticky sappy too. OMG! The sappy from that post has trapped me in it's sticky sappiness! The sappy is turning into amber! Noooo! Now I'll never escape this sappy feeling!
Why are you doing this to /bdsmg/?

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i'm never going to find a mistress, this much has become obvious to me after all these years... so what's even the point of living?

especially when you look at how many other people are never going to find one either, since sexually compatible loving dominants are impossibly rare and only a tiny fractional percentage of lucky subs have a chance...

>>6530681
Try caring about something in life other than your fetish? holy shit anon it shouldn't matter that much. I'm most likely never gonna find a compatible sub either, I don't lose sleep over it because I have a life.

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Did anyone here do any cosplay sessions?

My last con experience I went as Itoshiki Nozomu. During the afterparty I met up with a girl doing a League of Legends character (had to look it up, apparently it's their iteration of the succubus foxgirl character), I drifted in and out of character but she stayed IC the whole time. After some amount of alcohol, but unsatisified by its shitty quality, we came over to my place for more.

So I'm like "what are we doing" and she's "well, I charmed you and shit, but played badly and lost the match and now i'm at your mercy"

i honestly admit "lady, i quit league of legends before your character got released" "nuuuu why"

"the lack of a skill ceiling in an alleged esports game left me in despair"

surprisingly this didn't ruin the whole thing and only improved it, turned into a whole bunch of bondage and spanking while shittalking her game and her terrible playstyle

which is when i realized that she chose the character following the same logic as me - only instead of a depressed opinionated drama queen nerd, well...

it was huge fun and it's a shame that I never date girls who are into things I like enough to even do cosplay stuff with me, much less a cosplay session

>>6530919

I do costume-play with a bit of RP all the time, but mostly "generic-maid/slavegirl/loli/schoolgirl/nurse".

>>6532194
Yo ghost, do you use the IRC or Fetlifes? I've been looking for you.

>>6530681
theres always backpage if u feel like paying for it

>>6532397
I think his fet is simply ghost, but he doesn't really like to share it openly here if I remember correctly.

>>6532439
Ah fair enough, I used to talk to the guy a while ago so I wanted to get chatting with him again.

>come back after months to see if bdsmg has gotten better
Hey guys how-
>100+ massive namefag blogposts
Back to the other bdsm communities I go...

>>6533170
Enjoy talking to a bunch of 50 year old pseudo dom predators on Fetlife or wherever you slink off to.

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>>6531351
I have no idea what it is but it's always so fucking hot to me when they're smiling like that

>>6533170
Thanks for being part of the problem.

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>>6533288
I bet it's the suggestion of innocence, it triggers my corruption fetish every time.

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>>6533359
that would make sense

>>6533191

you know theres like three other bdsm communities on /d/ alone...

Are poppers dangerous?
My one slave who's hevily into weed and alcohol play in our sessions (Likes pretending to be taken advantage of) wants to start using them again. I've heard bad things, but I've also heard good things. I'm drug friendly in my play. I've made him think I've roofied him by making him take a flexeril, for example.

>>6534829
Vice wrote a good guide on poppers. I've used them for play before and not had any issues, good times, made me a total cock hungry slut. Do NOT mix them with ANYTHING that affects your heart rate. No Viagra, no propranolol, nothing like that. That would probably kill him.

>>6534829

Playing under the influence is dangerous. Drugs are dangerous. Going to Syria is dangerous. Crossing the road is dangerous. Make your own choices.

>>6533288
The smile indicates enjoyment. A lot of BDSM images can show the sub in distress, which can be hard to empathize with if you're not used to that face in the context of pleasure

>>6534829
Any drug that can increase heartrate always has the same risks involved: feelings of anxiety, blood pressure spikes, even heart attacks and death. So no, of course it's not 100% safe. Add a check of the heartbeat to your safety checks and study up on what to do if there's a bad effect.

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hey /bdsm/, i dont know if this is really the right place to ask, but does anyone here know anything about wax play? my boyfriend is very interested in trying it and im more than willing to try it, but i don't know where to start or how to go about it safely.

>>6514785
don't eat the brownies

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>>6536885
Things I know about waxplay:
- It's messy as all heck, you can ruin bedsheets this way. I have.
- Candles can be made of wax that melts fast or wax that melts slow, the hot wax that has a high melt temperature (the slow) can burn and blister your skin.
- You do not want it in your hair.
- And don't forget that there's an open flame involved. It can be an easily overlooked danger.

>>6536885

Best to get a candle made for play purposes. Otherwise, make sure to do your research and find a candle with a low melting point (usually parraffin, be aware of additives and coloring). Always test the wax on your arm before putting it on someone else. Don't make the mistake of trying beeswax or palmwax as it will give you a nasty burn.

>>6536918
thank you!
>>6537429
i plan on picking up some wax to make them myself since i make candles for non-kink puroposes anyway, so ill look fot parraffin
thanks for the info!

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>>6531351
>>6533288
>>6533359
>>6533755
Here, have a kind of silly Deviantart classic.

>>6527576
The colt turbo is a great one, simple two button push for two different speeds. Like the other person responded though, one with 4+ stars 5-20 bucks.

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>>6536885
Don't go for any scented candles as their melting point is rather high. One of the tricks with wax is that by holding it higher above the subject it'll have more time to cool off en route. Stick with the meaty parts of the body at first. Areas where there is enough muscle and fat insulating the skin from the rest of their body. Start off with a few drops of wax at different fall distances (heat) to see how their skin marks up from light burns.

>>6532397
You found me on fetlife. Just sent a message back.

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>>6538233
That's more cute than sexy (not like that's a bad thing though)

>>6527576
Use lovehoney! I've only had one bad vibe from them and they offered a refund right away. in general, quality control in vibes tends to be lacking so it's nice to know you'll be able to get your money back if it doesn't work out.

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>>6513292
Fixed.

Is this the right place to ask for recommendations for reading material?

I just had a very light but extended play session which was a wake up call. As in, "this is so much better than watching the same stuff in porn, that was really fun, I have been wasting most of my active sex life." And I just found out that while I think spanking is kind of boring to watch in porn, I quite enjoy doing the spanking--so I'm pretty sure I need to reevaluate most of my relationship to most sex acts.

So far pretty much all the intro reading I've been doing is full of this hippie bullshit that never goes anywhere and doesn't teach me any pertinent information (Yes, I understand that a dom is in a position of responsibility and has safety and emotional and pleasurable obligations to their sub/s. Yes, I agree with most of the hippie bullshit these writers are talking about and am mostly frustrated that I can't find the information that I need).

I don't have any kind of kink support/network, so right now I'm mostly on google (until I remembered 4chan). Would anyone be willing to recommend reading material for maintaining scenes, intense d/s dynamic, breathing, bondage, punishment, or (please, gods below, let this be a thing) an encyclopedia of 'have you ever considered doing ____?'

>>6540004

Honestly, kink/bdsm as a general thing is not that hard, so general books will stick with the basic. Sometimes, they go through the basics in excruciating hippy detail (Screw The Roses).

Spanking is not hard. Caning is not hard. Heck, even whips are not theoretically difficult, it just requires a lot of muscle memory (practice).

So if you absolutely must read a bunch of involved books about kink you need to get into some of the nerdier types of play, of which bondage is the biggest.

Get "Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook" for the definite and final word on the western bondage tradition. Most people then move on to Shibari/Asian style bondage, of which these books (in rising level of difficulty) are the best:

Shibari You Can Use
Two Knotty Boys Showing You The Ropes
Two Knotty Boys Back on the Ropes
Complete Shibari Volume 1: Land
Complete Shibari Volume 2: Sky

If you have no interest in rope, but still need something kinky to dive into obsessively another popular choice is to start reading up on psychology and hypnosis. You can really get lost in that stuff. Too bad it's mostly just bullshit, but people do seem to get some enjoyment out of it.

What a lot of people do is to to get into toy-making, leather-making, welding, woodwork or sewing/latex-work. That's a good way of using your time and money. I'm not really on top of what the best resources are for any of that though.

>>6540004
>please, gods below, let this be a thing) an encyclopedia of 'have you ever considered doing ____?'

Sorry, once you've seen the bigger fetish checklists and the list of Fetlife groups/fetishes that is pretty much it. You won't find a hidden cache of novel sex acts if you've done this for a little while.

>maintaining scenes, intense d/s dynamic, breathing, bondage, punishment

At a certain point you need to find your own way, and the only way of doing that is through experience. Trial and error. Screw The Roses is a good and through book, as is SM 101. but once you've read one of these basics books (of which there are tons) reading more will probably not bring you any new insight.

Get out there and start gaining experience. Go to munches and exchange your experiences and knowledge with others. Ask the specific questions you want answered.

>>6512889
>What are your stories with kink in public?
Public humiliation everywhere, my mistress makes fun of me when women flirt (she's 20 years older so everyone thinks I'm with my mom or aunt or whatever).

I.E.
>Be me, ordering food.
>Waitress (qt) starts being flirty (trying HARD for that tip lol)
> Mistress: he's uncircumcised (I live in USA)
>me: T_T Please stop telling everyone
>Waitress: *laughing* I'll get your drinks.

>>6516468
Well. Be careful with this, but using a latex free condom and covering it with tiger balm should be fun.

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Is anyone /nanowrimo/ here?

I guess it counts as some form of public humiliation.

>>6540849

That's actually pretty cute.

>>6540849
Everyone thinks she's your ... "whatever"?
Does that mean that all your public interactions always have that parental authority play twinge?
What a weird hack of social norms for the sake of kink thrills.
Goddarnit, now I want that too.

I'm dating someone who's totally vanilla. this is the first time I've been vanilla and it gets sexy ally frustrating. he says he's open to trying new things and getting into bdsm with me and he seems genuinely interested but it'd have to be something I'd instigate. how would I start something like that? I'm a sub if that's relevant.

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I'm going to my first munch tommorow. What should I expect and how do I behave ? I'm rather shy person, but I'd like to get to know some people.

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>>6541684
Just be open with him. It might feel embarrassing but just say "hey, I was wondering if we could try something new" or something like that. Hey, he might even start enjoying it or maybe he's one of those people that are already into it but just don't know it

>>6541763
Contact the organizer, ask for behavioral expectations. General ideas are to be polite and not to touch people without their permission.

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>>6542094
Is she being held captive by Woody?

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>>6542186
i honestly have no idea who that's supposed to be. Kinda looks like a mix between woody and dick butt

>>6542186
yo leftism, got anymore from this set?

so I must know bdsmg....

Does your inner autist scream out when you see super hot shibari/karada drawings, but then you actually look at the ropes and can't get over the fact, that the ropes as drawn make no sense, and/or are impossible?

I find it detracts greatly from something I used to enjoy immensely.

>>6542468
>what I mean is
>>6533359
This makes no sense
>>6513976
This is how it's supposed to look

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>>6542413
i would also like to see more from this set

>>6530167

Agreed. I'm a straight white male sado-masochist with focus on sadism and I find violence, murder and bloodshed calming and beautiful (don't ask me how or why) but my conscience takes priority.

But my first sexual fantasies as a little child involved guillotine executions and bloody, violent gangbangs, for example.

Sexually I don't get turned on unless the pain results in humiliation or submission or punishment or similar. I suppose a person wracked with pain could be _beautiful_ but it's not sexual unless it has a social component.

New here BTW, so please don't be gentle.

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>>6542094
"One day while Andy was masturbating, Woody got wood..."

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>>6542186
can i see more from this set? I was able to find the artist's first bondage gear set but couldn't find anything from his second

How to reduce bruising? Asking for a friend.

No, seriously, I have to deal with hardasses, but she bruises way too easily, which means her BF won't hit her seriously because he feels bad about how it looks. Disappointment all around.

Here's a good a place to ask as any I suppose. What happened to bdsmrpg.org? I really liked it! Does anyone have an archive of it or know if it moved somewhere?

>>6543335
Use something that doesn't bruise as much. Wider paddles like cheeseboards should do the trick.

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>>6543335
Golly, this question came up a year ago and there was a whole list...
Avoid striking the flesh above bone,
Fat or muscled fleshy spots have more give and so can take more impact,
Stay hydrated to maintain skin's elasticity and moisterize,
Do not strike with knuckles or hard unyeilding implements,
Don't take asprin or some other such bloodthinner,
Do test strikes somewhere hidden to gauge how much the person bruises in general,
... I'm forgetting some things here.

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>>6512889

>Valerie as a dom

i have the feeling of all pokegirls, she's the least likely to be a dom

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>>6543687
A: You can't always spot the Doms or subs in nonsexual situations.
B: I'm sure that the artist has a sub streak in them and just likes the character.
C: Sometimes it's more fun when a fantasy plays counter to type.

Anyone ever used menthol to enhance sensations? I've got a sub I met on tinder who in our first encounter last week took an hour long ass whipping and now wants more. So I figured that I could start experimenting on her.

Here's what I want to do; Shackle her to the bed, Cover her legs in menthol or Icy hot then wail on the bitch. Could this work or will I just be ruining sheets with Isopropyl Alcohol.

>>6543820
Methanol's good, just be careful of isopropyl alcohol, as it has a tendency to delay skin regeneration and can cause mild scarring on open wounds, as well as sapping moisture from healthy skin.

Anyone here ever feel like they can't be intimate anymore? The drive is there, the feelings are there (mildly, I guess), but I just could never let anyone touch me. It's like that with most of my relationships.

Once told her not to touch me on my shoulder, it hurt that much.

How do you get past it? S&M was one of my first fetishes, but I can't even imagine feeling comfortable with anyone for even mutual vanilla sex.

>>6543893

Get therapy. Lots of people with intimacy problems seek out BDSM as a way to cope, and it sounds like yours has gotten worse. Start working on the actual problems so you can have meaningful relationships. It will be uncomfortable, but worth it.

I'm more the other way. It gets a lot harder to be a sadist with someone you've been extremely intimate with for a long time. I think it's because I consider my partner of many years, soon to be wife basically a part of my own being at this point, so hurting her has no real point to it. Sex is still great though.

>>6544046
What was the point before?
I love hearing different perspectives

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>>6543687
Gotta watch for the nice ones.

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>>6544084

I believe it was and is mostly about enforcing a power/status/worth difference. As in, by causing someone else pain I am both denigrating them and elevating myself by comparison. It made/makes me feel powerful and important, which is a sexy feeling to me, and it made/makes my partner seem small, vulnerable and non-threatening, which are attractive traits to me and thereby made me even more excited.

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>>6543893
Yeah, I hear you, bro (sis?).

I've broken pretty hard during the past couple of years. I fucking hate people, for how they're all such lying, manipulative, unreliable shits. I've basically given up on ever finding any sort of meaningful relationship, because I'm tired of always being shamed and berated for my problems, many which I really have no control over.

BDSM is supposed to be about trust. But how can I ever trust anyone, when they make it very clear that I'm not good enough for them and they could just abandon me at the drop of a hat.

These days, when I see someone good looking, I can't even think about approaching them, without thinking about how they'd just turn nasty and abusive on contact.

I'm just so done with this shit.

>>6544872
Consider the limitations of your experience and perspective. Everyone's experiences are different, and often don't agree with each other. It may be a combination of things, luck, sampling bias, recall bias, personal behaviors etc which create warped perspectives.

You are the common factor here, and I don't mean that in a way which says you are morally at fault for what's happened to you, or that you are a bad person who deserves their suffering. Many medical treatments in the past made things worse, but that was not due to a moral fault of the doctors- they did the best they could with the tools they had. Similarly here, you are the common factor, and your beliefs and experiences are, while not vanishingly rare, not representative of most people's experiences. Perhaps you should go to a therapist to help see your own behaviors in a new light, and perhaps see if you inadvertently are attracting these vile, toxic people (who hold the moral responsibility for their actions, not you).

I'm on the mild end of the autistic spectrum, and with that has come the standard social difficulties, and one of the things I've learnt dealing with that is just how much our perspective of our own actions is different from others observing us, and this is common to all people. Recognising how you look from the outside can be powerful as it helps you gain perspective on yourself (seeing yourself like you would someone else allows you to analyse your behaviours as you might someone else, with greater insight from remembering the experience and what you were trying to do and comparing it to how you looked and acted, freed from the binds of having to analyse your actions as you perform them in real time) and why people respond to you in a certain way.

I would suggest a therapist dearly. You don't need to live your life as you are now, the suffering you are feeling is not inescapable, you simply need help learning where the door is to exit it, which is no easy task.

Anyone got some ambient music suggestions for a d/s scene?

>all of these images
It's no fun when the girl is the one being tied up!

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>>6545595
here, have a boy

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>>6544046
Thanks, anon.

I've been in therapy on-and-off for many years. Trust issues with parents. Even if there's nothing "wrong," I can't always place why I feel a certain way. Kind of sucks. Even when I was in sessions, some days I would have nothing, and others I just wanted a session, even with none organized.

My family's pretty open... they know, even though I never told them anything. (Wouldn't be surprised if others outside know... he was the one that told them.) Felt sick being near family last night, stressed and feverish, close to break-down. Feel like a stranger among them.

Only told my ex after months, after she repeatedly tried confronting my father for his behavior towards me. Told me it was her or him. Funny, she was always about ultimatums. Kept on confronting me about her sexual needs, and I would always act silly or try to offset her.

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>>6544872
"Love you," anon. (OP from your reply here.)

Even if you can't believe it just yet, you are lovable as you are. The other anon has some good ideas, even if it can be hard to hear them. I'm struggling with it, too. You shouldn't have to love anyone who doesn't love you 100% like you love you.

It might take some time, but maybe just some mutual flings would be best for a while, that way you can distance yourself from others if they burden you? They can't disagree if they know it's a casual thing, and there's no pressure on either of you. (Just stay safe! Even if it's a no-brainer, it should be said.)

Any other doms here who are fairly mild-mannered in everyday life?

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>>6546149
Yeah, i would say im pretty mild mannered, i tend to be pretty laid back.

>>6546149

Yup, I'm reserved and respectful as a rule because it benefits my work for people to feel at ease with me. I only show my fierce side in private - or if I get angry enough.

>>6546149
I like to think of it as "rationality" when I don't let my emotions (or urges) be seen controlling me.

>>6546149
Here's anouther one: Do people in general tend to trust you more than they should?
As an example: I've had virtual strangers ask me for advice about major life decisions, more than once.

Is there a safe/smart/non-shocking way to broach BDSM and the like with normal people? My boyfriend tells me he's eager to please, but he seems like a colossal normalfag (I asked him if he had any kinks and he blushed and asked if we could do it doggystyle. Immediately abandoned my plans to talk about my rope n' rape fantasies) and I'm afraid of saying something that will scare him off. I want to take him up on his offer of "we can try anything you like" but I'm worried that if I actually tell him what I want I'll be crossing a line he wasn't expecting and mess everything up.

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>>6546372
You must turn him to the dark side.
It is in the best interests of the relationship. You want to be in a sexually satisfying relationship, you want to be in a completely honest relationship, you want him to love you unconditionally and as you are. There is no other way. You don't know the power of a sadomasochistic relationship. Don't tell me you've never thought about training a slave to meet your every desire.
It is your destiny.

>>6546436
HOW though? I can tell that he's a loving person, but he seems so whitebread about sex. The first time we really got intimate with each other he wouldn't touch my breasts until I vocally complained that I wasn't getting any attention there and he said that he was unsure if that was an okay thing for him to do. How do you tell a person like that about the fact that you regularly read lolicon rape doujinshi?

>>6546448
Wow, my virgin-dar is going off.
Are you his first? If so it isn't that he's whitebread, it's that he doesn't even know what's possible with sex.
Anyway, the advice I always give for almost any S/m question is to go slow with one babystep at a time. Start with something little like tying his wrists with a silk scarf. He probably wouldn't object to something so typical. That's practically whitebread right there. If he responds well to that experience then have a conversation about spicing things up in similar ways.
If worst comes to worst, lay on him the "mutual sexual satisfaction" responsibility clause of dating and obligate him to try things.
Whatever you do don't overwhelm him with your big bad scary deviancy all at once. Expose him to it little by little so that he can build up an immunity. And keep an eye out for anything that excites him too, that will be your way in.

>>6546468
I'm pretty sure I'm his first, yes. I dont know how. I think he's handsome at least, and he's clean and cooks well. Going in, I sort of thought that he'd be experienced already and that talking about fetishes would be a "I've played the game on easy, I guess we can try it on hard" thing, and not a "Don't touch it, you might break it" thing

>>6546472
Well, before anything else you have to teach him how to have sex like the animal he could be. There is this thing where the nice guys will always think girls are made of glass. It could be worse, it's often the opposite.
Maybe you could start roughhousing with him during your flirtations? Trick him into being more at ease with touching you. And of course just sit down and talk to him about it.

>>6546481
I bit him while we were kissing once and it seemed to scare him...

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>>6545595
Let me help you out there chum. Bara or cute androgynous boys?

Let's start with bara.

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>>6546494

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>>6546498

>>6546372
I have experience introducing a vanilla lover to BDSM. It isn't as hard as you think.

A few points to consider.

Sounds like this guy is very inexperienced. This is not a bad thing, but it does mean you have to change the way you approach sex. Don't expect him to know what you want or even what he wants.

He is going with the "we can try whatever" line. I am familiar with this one. This actually means he is too nervous to suggest his fantasies, either because he thinks they are going to sound stupid or he is afraid he is going to scare you off. There are things he wants to do, I guarantee it, but he is not comfortable enough with sex yet to really act on it. You are going to need to lead on this until he gets comfortable. This means you are going to have to go out on a bit of a limb.

One quick question: Do you want to top, bottom, or both?

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>>6546505

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>>6546508

>>6546506
I want to bottom. Badly. That's what is so distressing about this to me I suppose. He's the polar opposite of aggressive and I want him to handcuff me and spank me. If he wanted to bottom also I could try to do that for him just for the sake of pleasing him, but what I really want is some rough treatment.

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>>6546485
LOL
Yeah, bad Dom! No kink for you! Sit in the corner and think about what you've done. (lol)
But seriously, what were you thinking? You don't surprise someone with that. Informed consent would have helped a lot there.
Does he at least expect you to do these types of things now?

>>6546514
Holy handgrenade! I totally thought she was a Dominant.

>>6546517
It was just a little nip on the lip as we were parting. It felt so natural to me that i didnt really expect it to spook him so badly.
>>6546522
I like to be on top as much as the next person, but lately I've realllllly gotten into the idea of being forcibly put on the bottom. My favorite stories recently have been ones of flirty, bratty girls getting put in their place by someone alot bigger than them. That's basically what drew me toward him in the first place. He's tall enough to rest his chin on my head and just sort of thick and tough looking in general.

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>>6546527
Lips are on the list of really really sensitive bodyparts.
Even a little nip can hurt like the blue blazes.
This poor vanilla basterd...

You might end up being too much for him. I love it.

>>6546514
Ok.

What you want to do is introduce things slowly but consistently in a way he is comfortable with.

Your best bet here is going to be talking often about sex. You want it to be low pressure, so not right before sex. Maybe at the beginning of a date night that has the potential but not the requirement of ending in sex. You are going to have to lead. Your long term goals for this are to get him comfortable with sex in general, with expressing his own fantasies, and with the fact that you are a kinky woman. Honestly, the fact you are kinky is going to be the easiest part of this.

The best thing you can do is give positive reinforcement. For example, he said he likes the idea of doggy style. Let him know that was an acceptable and good idea, even if it is something you do not want to try. Build his confidence. Specifically tell him that you will not judge him on any sexual fantasies he has or any suggestions he gives.

Second, you want to get him to try his fantasies, starting with small ones. You are going to need to get him to admit them first, and this is going to be like pulling teeth. Be patient. Your best bet is going to be asking direct yes/no questions at first, moving into leading questions as he gets more comfortable. If you ask him "what do you want to do?" he will say "whatever you want to do." But if you ask him "Do you want to lick my breasts?" he will say yes or no. Be gentle when you ask these things, and don't push him for an answer. Basically, for the first few times you do this, you want him to know you are into his fantasy before he even expresses it. Make him comfortable with the process.

Pay attention to what he doesn't do, it is likely that he is specifically shying away from the things he wants to do. He didn't touch your breasts until you explicitly told him to. This is probably because he wanted to really bad and psyched himself out thinking about it and chickened out.

Continued next post.

>>6546551

Now for how to actually introduce kinky stuff. Like others have said, surprising him with kinky things is not going to be the best idea.

What you want to do is specifically discuss what you want to try with him during these talks you have. Ask him if he will try some kinky thing for you, and also dig into something he wants to try. If they can work together then all the better.

A key point is to be honest, even if you don't tell him everything at once. Let him know as soon as possible that you consider yourself very kinky, and that you have been a bit scared to tell him because you are afraid it will freak him out. It it was me, I would own up that the bite was an attempt to bring some of that into the relationship. This lets him know it is ok to be nervous about sex and that missteps can occur and they are not the end of the world. Also, "very kinky" is so an open ended it can mean literally anything, but it also means he will be prepared as you suggest increasingly kinky things.

Start with something small like asking him to pin your arms down while he kisses you, or to pinch your nipples a bit. Maybe ask him to blindfold you. Once he is comfortable with that, ask him to tie your hands together with a scarf. Make sure you tell him why you want him to do these things. Make sure he knows you want him to pin you down because feeling a bit helpless during sex is hot, for example. If he knows why these things work for you he will be much more willing to try new things and experiment. Let him know clearly that he is not disappointing you if he doesn't want to try something.

You want your requests to be just inside his comfort zone so it pushes him to a new normal.

Finally, talk to him afterwards every time you have sex. Talk about what worked and what didn't. Be positive but honest. Be quick to point out his successes. Maybe tell him what your favorite part was and ask what his was. Make him feel good and secure about the sex.

>>6546568
I like these ideas. Is there any particular phrase or something that you know you can roll out to help with this. I really want him to understand that being affectionate with me can also mean giving me a little tug on the hair. Just that being a little rough doesn't mean either of us did anything bad. Something I can say to him to make him feel safe.

>>6546568
Also, just talking about sex in general will help. Not even about what kind of sex you want, but just about sex. Swap fantasies, talk about celebrities you think are hot. Look at lingerie with him. That sort of thing.

This will help him be comfortable about sex. Sex is typically a taboo subject, you don't want that between you.

I got to go to bed, but I'll be on tomorrow.

>>6546572
Good question, I'll think about it. But I really have to go to sleep. I'll be on again tomorrow.

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>>6546572
Have you said this to him? What you've written here in this post? He doesn't know any of that yet. Tell him you won't be hurt by what you ask him to do, tell him you love him enough to trust him to do this for you. Ask him to trust you too. And tell him you will forgive him if he makes a mistake because you know he doesn't want to hurt you.
Ask him to accept this part of who you are, and tell him that acceptance shows you his love for you.

>>6546583
No, I've been too afraid of sounding weird. I might have before, but the time that I bit him kind of killed it. He's actually not a bad kisser, but when I bit him he froze up and he just looked like he was unhappy and didn't want me on his lap anymore. That was a first for me and I really dont want to do that to him again. It's just not right to make someone you like feel that way.

>>6546586
I know it hurts, but you are going to have to talk to him about these differences. He's probably very confused about all of this. It's not as if he hasn't noticed how different you are, or that there's a problem forming.
Whatever you do decide to say to him, let him know that you care very much about him, are afraid of his rejection, and so it's hard for you to talk about this too.
It should come as a relief to you both when the problem is finally shared, no matter the result.

And one last question for now: Why did you not tell him of your sexuality from the beginning? It's a lot easier to confess to before an emotional connection cements.

>>6534829
Speaking for myself all I get from poppers is a headache, but good luck!

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>>6546702
can someone send me a link to this artist's pixiv or deviantart page or website. I see that watermark all the time but reverse image searching produces no results

>>6546600
My first sexual experiences were with some friends who are polyamorous and kinky. I overheard them every so often talking about the kind of things that I liked to masturbate to in secret and fell in with them pretty easily. This person is my first time with a civilian. I realize I probably messed this up and went out of order a little bit.

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>>6546572
Ok, I got over enthusiastic here, I went into great detail. Sorry about that.

Before you get into the explanation proper let him know that you don’t have to take this any faster than he is comfortable with. Also, you want to be as unguarded as possible and let him see everything you are feeling on your face and in your body language.

I would start with an analogy he can understand. Just saying “it feels good” wont get it across. I personally like using a scary movie as a starting point. Fear is normally a bad emotion, but in a safe situation it is thrilling to feel fear. Similarly, helplessness, humiliation and even pain are normally bad, but it can be very intimate to experience those things at the hands of someone who you feel safe with. It is important to say something like this, but it really doesn’t matter exactly what. You are just getting him considering an alternate point of view.

Then move to a direct explanation. What you are going to want to do is communicate to him the satisfaction this brings you, especially on an emotional level. Because he is going to know you like it physically when you try it and you respond, but emotionally is a lot trickier for him to read.

Paint it as a matter of intimate trust. Let him know that giving up control to him is appealing because it is him. Make him feel special (because he is). Use words like secure, safe, or protected. Nothing feels as good as intimately trusting another person and having that trust rewarded. It is the most romantic thing in the world. (Be sure to use the word romantic, it is a powerful word.)

He will likely respond with some variation of incredulous “Hurting you is romantic/makes you feel safe?” And unless he is way, way off base on how he puts it respond with “Yes” followed by a guiding explanation that reiterates what you have told him. Tell him how it is romantic to feel wanted in a primal way, that it feels good to be a bit of a slut for someone you like/love.

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>>6547016
Now, telling him will only get you so far. You will want to show him to get the point across. Explain that you want to try something simple but kinky. Explain in detail exactly what you want him to do, the entire thing, before you start any of it and why you want him to do each of these things.

Come up with something kinky but not extreme. Not actual sex, there is a lot of pressure to perform in sex. Kissing is much less pressure. Let him know that if he gets uncomfortable he can stop at any moment and check on you and that you will stop him if it hurts to much. It won’t, he is going to be very hesitant and gentle this first time. Let him know that is ok, you are not going to be disappointed in him.

My recommendation would be a rough makeout session. First have him undress you so you are at least topless. Then have him hold you by a fist full of your hair and “force” you into kissing position (since you are shorter you have to look up to kiss him). Finally, as he is kissing you have him use his other hands to roughly grope and pull on your breasts, maybe even pinch your nipples a bit.

Each of these things are there for a specific reason. Him undressing you puts him in control, it makes him the boss. Grabbing your hair and forcing you into a kiss gives him a way to directly exert control over you, tell him how you find that thrilling. The groping and pinching gives him a good way to be rough with you in a way he can easily control and understand. It lets him test the waters, so to speak, and slowly go further. Tell him this so he knows it is appropriate to try things out, that he can try touching you any way he wants.

A couple things:

Don’t establish a safe word at this point, that will just freak him out. Your safe words are “stop” and “slow down.”

Don’t pressure him. You want to gently guide, not push.

Be very physical as you talk to him about all this. Let him hold you in his arms, that sort of thing. Make him feel close.

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>>6547017

When you are actually doing it be very responsive to his attentions. Little sexy noises are good, touching him back is good. Don’t fake it, just let your guard down and let it happen.

Ask him to guide you in touching him back. You are most likely going to have one of your hands wrapped around him for stability, but your other hand will be free to caress him. Ask him to physically move your hand so you know what he wants, and tell him that he should not be afraid to do things like move your hand down to his crotch. You want him to get used to the idea that since you gave him explicit permission beforehand he can and should do what he wants with you until you say otherwise.

You are going to want to give him verbal feedback too, especially when he asks how he is doing. Be positive even if you need to correct him a bit. Tell him how good it feels and then tell him what you want. But be gentle about it for now. “Harder!” is no good, you want “Can you be a bit rougher?” or “Can you try pinching me a bit harder?” Ask him to do small less kinky things too, like kissing your neck or licking/nibbling your earlobe if you are into it (that one in particular drives me crazy, I love it so much.)

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>>6547018
There is a good chance this will escalate. You might even push it in that direction, maybe suggest an escalation yourself if he seems like he is getting really into it but he doesn’t go there himself. Something like “Would you like to finger me?” or “Would you like me to suck your dick?” or just “Do you want to fuck me?” Be a little dirty in how you word your suggestion, but suggest something fairly vanilla.

Make sure you are prepared for it if it does escalate. Try to consider things he might want to try and have your response decided for each of them. Have a condom ready in case he wants to move onto actual sex, if he likes blow jobs be prepared for that possibility too. Decide before hand if you would be willing to swallow or if you are ok with a facial, that sort of thing. You told him he can do what he wants with you, it is best if you can go along with whatever he decides to do.

Of course, do not let something happen you don’t want to. That is the worst possible thing you could do, it would be a betrayal of the trust he is putting in you.

Directly afterwards talk about it in detail and be very affectionate (good snuggles.) Tell him what your favorite part was, ask him what he liked. Tell him how you liked it when he pulled your hair, ask him if it was fun to play with your breasts. That sort of thing. Try to fish answers out of him that are more than yes or no, and be reassuring that he won't freak you out.

>>6547018
The asking of questions sounds smart. I wouldn't have thought of that, but it makes sense that asking nicely for something instead of being short and loud would be a good way to make someone feel comfortable with a request.

>>6547050
Well, I hope some of what I wrote is useful. Sorry again there is so much of it, I just kind of started writing and rambling.

>>6529208
Oh man, Civ V has some memories... I was with my ex and it was a rule that while we played, he would fuck me and I'd have to take my turn like nothing was happening. He did me doggy style with his laptop on my back and mine on the ground. I miss him.

>>6544872
>>6545780

Sounds like both of you are seeking out abusive or unavailable (emotionally or otherwise) partners. This is a really common thing for people with intimacy issues and troublesome pasts. Go for someone who's not that exciting to you, and keep up the therapy so that you can hopefully change some of those thought patterns and instincts.

>>6546149

Most are, so yes.

>>6546372

Slow and steady. Honest, but not to a fault.

>>6546448

The loli stuff is rapidly becoming not-okay even in animu circles. Might be a good time to get off that shit. Work up to a bit of mild age-play/roleplay stuff with him if you must scratch that itch.

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>>6547397
>seeking out abusive partners.

>>6544872 here. Absolutely not true. Why would I want one? I wouldn't be able to function with an abusive partner precisely because her behavior would put me off. That's what keeps me so lonely. too many assholes in this world.

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>>6533288
>>6533359
To me it feels like it's a very vulnerable, self-aware smile. Like, she's embarrassed about her kink, because pretty much all kinks and fetishes are ridiculous to some degree. Even sex is just two people slapping their slimy junk together. But it's a brave smile, because she's not going to hide this from you, because it's what she enjoys and she trusts that you care about her enough to not treat it as something disgusting or depraved.
And if you're lucky and she's lucky, you enjoy doing this as much as she does. But she didn't know that at the start. That smile? It's the bridge that she made to you, and prayed that you wouldn't smash it.

Sorry, got a little too into that.

>>6547428
I've generally found that most people aren't assholes. I've also found that most people who feel that either have a warped perspective on their experiences or are not terribly self aware, causing them to act in a way that antagonises other people despite not meaning to- thus from their perspective, everyone is an asshole for no reason. This isn't saying that THEY are the true assholes, that would require active intent.

Seek out a therapist, especially one focusing on social interactions.

>>6547428
>That's what keeps me so lonely. too many assholes in this world.

I've got some bad news for you. If you think everyone is an asshole, you're probably the asshole.

>>6536894
Oh gods I heard about that.

>>6547815
>>6536894
The cum brownies were fake. It was sweetened condensed milk

>>6547582
Listen to yourself. You're just proving my point further.

>>6546879
It's "My Pet Tentacle Monster" on tumblr/hentai foundry

>>6548259
thank you

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>>6548661
forgot to attach an image

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I might have a problem, /bdsmg/.

I recently went on a date with a girl I met at my local munch. It went reasonably well, we talked, held hands and walked across the city, I kissed her at the end of the night. Pretty benign stuff.

Now, earlier, she had made a long public post on fetlife detailing her sexual history. She listed all her previous sexual partners. She mentioned that a couple of her earlier partners had been abusive, and also that she was raped as a teenager. I can understand how that was a traumatic ordeal and she needed to get it off her chest, but she also listed a bunch of other stuff like one guy disrespecting her and another guy being bad in bed, etc.

I just got a message from this girl saying that I had pushed her boundaries too far and she didn’t want to see me again, by the time I saw it she had unfriended me.

I have no idea what I possibly could have done, but now I’m worried. Firstly, did I do something to hurt her that I didn’t realize. And secondly, is she going to go around telling everyone in our community that I’m an abuser?

I really have no idea how to approach this situation. I don’t want to accidentally hurt anyone else or be branded an abuser in my local kink scene. If any of you have advice, I’d appreciate it.

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>>6549294
>talks about private affairs of other people online
>loses her shit over nothing
Seems like an unbalanced bitch. If you really just did what you said you did, you did nothing wrong. I'd wager folk who know about her will know you're not to blame here. I wouldn't worry about it.
If she approaches you again, which she probably will, ignore her. Getting involved with crazies isn't worth the trouble.

>>6548914
You know what there needs to be more of? Domme pov. Vanilla/slightly-dominant male pov is of course everywhere. Vanilla/slightly-submissive female pov isn't common, but it exists. There's even a tiny, tiny bit of submissive male pov out there (unless you begin taking all that humiliation stuff into account, in which case it's coming out god's ears).

I don't think I've ever seen a dominant female pov, though, drawn or 3DPD.

To the drawthread!

>>6549294

Depends on the kiss I guess. Did you ask first? That's a thing now, especially in kink circles.

In either case, just don't hang with her anymore.

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>>6549557

I didn't know about this. Sounds like it would be counter intuitive with most girls.

Still, she leaned in before I did.

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For those that like their anime with lesbians, power dynamics, and some bdsm elements, try out Valkyrie Drive Mermaid. This show is completely over the tops and fun to watch when not playing Fallout.

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Dear /BDSMG/, long story short: I'm into BDSM and i'm a sub, but i don't know if my girlfriend could like it or be into it (she sometimes has a Domey attitude, though, and on the foreplay she actually goes full on dominant grabing me by the neck and stuff) the thing is, i want to talk about it, tell her about what i like, but i can't get to get to sit down and speak with her, it's as if i went blank when i try to. So, the thing is (and it has probably been asked like a million times already) how do i get to start a conversation about it, and how can i make it so it sounds like i'm not a nuthead or a pervert?

tl;dr: how do i get to start a conversation with my girlfriend about me being a sub and into BDSM, and how can i make it so it sounds like i'm not a nuthead or a pervert?

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>>6549795
looked up a description and found this

>Mirei kisses Mamori, and Mamori turns into a sword. Mirei then wields the sword and launches a counterattack against their enemies.

Sounds weird but might as well check it out. The only other anime I'm watching this season is One Punch Man. Thanks for the recommendation Ghost

Hi there,

Once upon a time… I posted a message telling you that this thread and community is awesome. And that I wish you the best :)

At that time, I never had sex with someone else (but was finally totally accepting my virginity and my kinks).
And I was closer and closer to the girl that became my girlfriend just after.

In the meantime, I explored my sexuality with her, without pressure, and it was awesome. Including a part of my kinks !

So first, I just wanted again to tell you that you are great, and that it feel good to have people talking freely :)

And also, while I'm at it, some questions :

We exlored most of the "physical" things that interested me (being tied and/or blindfolded while performing erotic activities or sex).
But I would like to try some more "intellectual" things, like creating a little scenario, verbal humilliation, being treated as a slave...

But she doesn't really seems to be into any form of role play, and I'm afraid she won't really like the idea (but I don't really know).
We never used any safe word, and if we do any form of role play I suppose it will be a necessity. I don't really know how to introduce it : « treat me as a slave, I like that ! » seems more difficult and complicated than « tie my hands, and kiss me everywhere then fuck me »…

Sometimes it happened that during sex she wanted to change position which implied to untie me. Iwould have LOVED her to lie on the bed, tell me to fuck her, and then wait for me, tied, to find a way to be able to. But I suppose she is so excited that it's hard for her to wait…

There is this, and I was careful of giving her my feedback when trying new things, but it was mostly « yeah, it was good/nice. I liked ... », but
nothing really more. So it's like each time I have to talk again about what I want to try, and I never know how to have the global picture of what she would like, and give her the global picture including what I talked about before…

Any advice ?

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>>6549863
First of all, there is a good chance she is into bdsm style stuff and is hiding it for the same reason you are, so there is a big possible upside to being forward about this.

Just say something like "I was thinking it might be fun to try something like fuzzy handcuffs." Fuzzy handcuffs are a great way to bring up the subject because that is about as vanilla as you can get while still being technically bdsm. No one is going to think you are a freak bringing that up. You can also pass it off as liking the sexy police woman look if you feel like you need to back track.

Then read her response. If she says something like "That sounds like fun" and you are feeling confident, push just a bit deeper. Ask something like "Does that sort of thing appeal to you?" to figure out how much she is into it.

This is basically the approach I took when broaching the subject with my girlfriend (now my wife and mistress) and it worked out very well.

>>6549863
Write it down if you have problems talking about it

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>>6549925
That approach seems quite interesting, i might try that. I have actually joked about her tying me to the bed, but i probably never appeared to be too serious about it. Fluffy cuffs may be the way to go...

>>6549928
I'd rather talk directly to her, even if i'm scared, i also want to show her i trust her enough to bring it up, even if i'm really scared about the idea of doing it face to face.

But anyways, thanks for the answers. Let's see how it goes, i'll try to bring the issue this weekend and we shall see how it goes, wish me luck!

P.S.: Maybe i'll arm myself with a bit of alcohol induced courage

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>>6549979
Good luck you brave soldier. Do what I would never have the courage to do (or the girlfriend either)

>>6549294

Just don't contact her again and don't worry about it. Your circle knows her deal better than you do, most likely.

All I can think of based on your post is that she might have wanted to have been asked before you kissed her? But that's pretty mild and mundane, so in fairness to you if she was that nervous about physical contact she would have done better to have disclosed her apprehension upfront since many men don't think to ask before going for a kiss.

But, you said she leaned so honestly I have no idea. If a guy I didn't want to kiss was trying to kiss me I sure as hell wouldn't lean in. Maybe she's just crazy or obsessed on something super subtle that you'd have to be psychic to know about.

Better luck next time.

>>6550065
>women
>obsessed on something super subtle that you'd have to be psychic to know about

/r9k/ WAS RIGHT

how are these threads not getting deleted yet? it's like tumblr incarnate

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>>6549914
(facepalming here)
Talk to her.
Ask her directly if she's happy with the kinds of play you've been having. Ask her what she enjoys. Ask her if she's unhappy with any one thing you've been doing in particular. Ask her what she would like to try. She has her own kinks and fetishes, everyone does, haven't you explored them yet? Let her know you want her to be satisfied too.
You aren't going to feel fulfilled as a sub until you know her needs are met.

>>6550553
Well maybe they won't seem that way anymore if you stop reading the threads you hate so much and then NOT bother us with your (overused) butthurt whiny posting.
That seems like an obvious solution to one of your (many) problems.

Anyone have that comic where a school magician does a magic show but has a vibrator in her and can't escape?

>>6550553
They've been going for like three years anon, probably not getting deleted ever. If it bothers you so much, there's plenty of other places you can go and you can take your salt with you.

>>6550630
I remember reading somewhere in somepost that they are familiar with tumblr, maybe they can take their salt there?

>>6550743
Similar issue in looking for a relationship on there, but in the opposite direction.

>>6550743
Yes.
Hell, scroll up and you can find a recent post about such a couple.
At your age it can be a bit awkward, people will judge, she's still figuring out who she is, still can be immature, you're young yet too (no matter what you think), in five years you may be very different people from who you are now. That last bit can really put a strain on a relationship.
But when you're in your thirties or forties this isn't even a noticable age difference in a couple. The issue will resolve itself.
As it relates to kink, the question of you exploiting and corrupting someone younger than yourself will likely be raised by detractors.

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>>6549914

I'm going to assume you have been working at least just as hard to satisfy her. If not, start there. Use these same techniques to figure out what satisfies her.

I would recommend establishing a rule in your relationship. This is a rule I recommend every couple, kinky or vanilla, establish. You make a deal that either of you can suggest or express ANY sexual fantasy or desire and there will be zero judgement. This is how it should work anyway, but it really, really helps to get it out in the open and have both people commit to it. It will make it a lot easier to ask or suggest things. You will still be nervous, but it really helps.

Once you get that out of the way, talk a lot. The big picture of your desires are about how you feel, so talk less about the mechanics of sex and more about what you feel. What are you after emotionally from sex, and what things have you tried that made you feel that way? Also do this during feedback. Instead of "I liked it when you did X" tell her how "X made me feel helpless and humiliated, and that was really sexy."

What you are really trying to do here is establish an understanding of the big picture things that turn each other on, then create a set of specific tools both of you can use to satisfy those desires. The reason you have to tell her what to do every time isn't because she forgets, it is because she isn't sure why it works for you.

Then you can say things like "treat me like a slave" and then explain that means you want to be controlled and used and she will understand how to do that.

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sauce anyone?

>>6551402
nvm, found it
http://nhentai.net/g/143646/

>>6550558
Of course I did all what you suggested, I though I made it clear in my message :/
AFAIK she is really satisfied with what we do, and when I ask her about her fantasies she don't seems to have any particular one (except for spanking, but we are doing it more and more, with regular feedbacks from both sides).
(my message was more about this one step that I'm not really confortable to taking…)

>>6551024

As I just say, I'm also trying to satisfy her as much as possible, and it seems really good.

I think that we are both really satisfied with our relation, but that I clearly want to explore and push it further, while she probably is not as curious as me, hence my questions (but still, I know that it already permitted to discover some new things she really like − but probably not as much as me −, and that being tied/tying is quite a pleasurable thing for both of us).

Your advice is quite interesting : I think that we both of us clearly showed that we were not judging and really open (because we already asked/suggested/talked quite a lot). But it's true that it was never explicitly stated in the way you did. So that's inspiring, thanks :)
I also tried to give her the big picture, by saying that I like to feel helpless, etc… But went never as far as talking about verbal humiliation, being treated as a slave, etc…

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>>6551512
It really does help to be very explicit about the agreement to be open, it is reassuring.

A thing that has worked for Mistress and I in getting across the big picture is to try to design scenes for each other and then discuss them. Basically, have her describe how she thinks you would want to be tied up and have sex. Then discuss what works about the scene and what doesn't. My guess is she is a bit nervous about experimenting, you want to get past that.

If you are having a hard time you might want to try writing out the scene together like it is a story. Like practice roleplay. It is a bit cheesy, but it gives a safer feeling environment to try out new ideas. In actual sex there is an element of pressure because you want to make it good for the other person, and you can be afraid of doing or saying something stupid. But in a story you can always just delete a part that doesn't work out quite right. Great way to experiment with fantasies. It's good fun and fantastic foreplay.

The important thing when suggesting a new idea is having a plan in place of how she can do it.

Verbal abuse is easy. I am sure you got an idea of what you think would be sexy for her to say. It is pretty damn embarrassing to start though, so you can make it easier by having her start will just calling you degrading names. I am quite partial to slut myself.

Another good way to start is her making you do dirty talk, such as her making you explain in detail exactly what you want her to do before she will do it, and she wont accept anything that isn't said in a slutty and dirty way. A lot easier for her because all she needs to do is prompt you, and you get to be humiliated doing it, so win all around.

Last, safe words. The hardest part of this is just getting used to using them. "Harder" and "Softer" are good for that. I think we posted some thoughts about this earlier in this thread, check that out and feel free to ask questions.

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>>6551893
Sorry, words for "harder" and "softer" is what I meant.

>post up ad that I'm interested in doing something with a female involving high heels
>very clearly put that, although I'm interested in footrubbing and massaging, I'm mostly dom and not really interested in being walked on or cbt'd or anything
>still get a million responses from dommes
>they're all confused as fuck as to how somebody can have a high heel fetish and not be a sub

How do I explain this shit? I want her to wear heels, and I want to worship her feet and legs IN those heels with my hands and tongue, but in a "dom" way? Like while her hands are tied? I don't know how to accurately describe this.

It sucks because it draws in dommes and drives away subs because they read "high heels" and instantly assume "oh he must be a sub"

This may or may not be on-topic for this thread but I needed to vent and its bdsm related so fuck it.

>>6552166
Sounds like you're getting off on the wrong foot

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>>6552167
nice