It isn't all about the sex edition
After bemoaning the fact that many stories don't seem to touch on the other aspects of being a girl besides the physical thrill, I decided to try something.
Any criticism is appreciated. This is my first time actually trying to write this sort of shit and I have no idea what I'm doing.
I really like your writing style; definitely a cut above what you usually see in TG fiction. Some genuine humor, strong character voice, neat premise.
However, a lot of the details regarding Ashley just rang...false. Ashley does not feel like an alternate universe counterpart to Peter, she feels like a caricature of femininity. I would suggest toning it down a bit. If Peter was way into videogames, then maybe Ashley could be somewhat nerdy, too? At least don't make her favorite movie The Fucking Notebook. I mean, come on.
Random thoughts I had...
"Of course there was makeup in dozens of shades and colors, all of which could be described as "skin-colored""
While make up does indeed come in a variety of shades, *that's to cover all potential skin types of the customers*. A singular girl would thus have make up all to match one skin color - her own.
"there was also a variety of menstrual pads and tampons"
Ashley's bathroom should not be the feminine hygiene isle in the supermarket. People buy one brand. One.
"I got a text from Brittany telling me how she got some new nail polish and wanted to know if I would try it out."
... getting a new nail polish is not something you call your friends over for. On the scale of girly excitement, that's just slightly above getting a new deoderant.
I get that half the fun is exploring the differences to boy-world, but really, not absolutely every interaction is going to revolve around how very girly everything is. At some point you gotta hit the 'normal human being' layer.
I think it went into a better direction toward the end, but it was too quickly summarized. I'd have liked to see Peter's interactions with his former best friends in more detail, trying to get them to take him seriously as a gamer and then running into the sexism you only briefly touch on.
I posted this in the last thread, but I really like it. It reminds me of Quantum Leap.
Your writing, spelling, and grammar are all good. One of the only problems I have with the narrative is that all of this girl's friends are token minorities. Its like a 90s high school sitcom or something, its weird.
Thanks for the criticism. As any writer can tell you, people often write best when they focus on what they know. I'll admit that I really don't have much experience with what girls do when guys aren't around, so my writing during that part was a little piss-poor.
Yeah, I was sorta trying to go for a bit of humor, but I guess it did come up sloppy. If I decide to continue this, and that's a big if because fuck writer's block, I'll probably just replace them with ordinary girls.
I gotta be honest, that writefag attempt completely killed my mood. Physical transformation is a 100% must for me, fucking hate it when stories seem okay then you find out the protag ends up as a shemale or some shit.
A few quick writing tips:
First of all, try writing in the past tense instead of the present. Usually flows better.
Ironically, considering you're writing a TG story, you don't really have a good grasp of periods. Remember - If you have a quote with an interjection, it would look something like
>"I really didn't like when you used that fatality on me, Scorpion," said Sub-Zero half-heartedly.
Punctuation can make or break your work.
Understandable. There are many works out there that touch on that. This is just a sort of reversal on that - what if you woke up tomorrow and everybody suddenly treated you as if you were a different person?
>As any writer can tell you, people often write best when they focus on what they know. I'll admit that I really don't have much experience with what girls do when guys aren't around, so my writing during that part was a little piss-poor.
Honestly, if you're interested in writing more, whether professionally or as an amateur, I would strongly advise reading some novels by female authors with female protagonists set in the modern day.
Writing believable female characters is an important skill for an author, and the best way to hone it is by immersing yourself in their perspective.
Im having some trouble finding a tg fic I read a while back and maybe one of you fine anons could help me out. Basically a guy goes on vacation by uploading his conciousness into a robot avatar. Something goes wrong and he is uploaded into over 200 sexbots and now has to fuck his way home to find out what the hell happened and to fix the situation.
I really dont remember any more than this and hope /d/ knows what im talking about.
Mm, I disagree. All my favorite porn stories involve characters I actually give a shit about. Unless your fetishes specifically require humiliation and abuse, nothing is more enjoyable than reading about likable people having good sex with each other.
Stories with bland or shittily-written characters are quickly forgotten. Good for a quick fap and nothing more. But stories with well-written characters I can return to again and again.
Not him, but I posted some of these last thread.
https://fictionmania.tv/stories/readtextstory.html?storyID=3323312433615616969 (not really sure about this one)
It's not a lot, but it's something.
And I agree with you. I'm just saying it's hard to balance the two of them equally. I mean, I'll certainly try, but I won't make any promises.
Cut the list at the beginning of the third part. If you want write about the differences between genders/chauvinism, integrate it into a scene and maybe have a little aha moment at the end instead of a didactic wall of text. Show, don't tell.
The other critic commented on the "girly" scenes, which I agree with, but I don't agree with their assessment about Ashley being false. The circumstances of birth are powerful and there's no reason why female-Peter would necessarily develop along parallel lines to male-Peter. There's nothing about her (apparent) lifestyle that suggests caricature. It's on the pinker end of the spectrum, to be sure, but we've all known people as girly as her or at least have seen their tumblr/facebook.
After that point time speeds up which feels strange because the story up to that point was told on a day to day basis. There's definitely stuff in there that could be mined for good scenes so there's no need to rush over it.
Otherwise, you have a great foundation. Stories about something other than man ---> blonde nympho have a special place in my heart. You should definitely see it through and give it the ending it deserves.
Does anyone know the writer Morpheus? I'm not usually on /d/ and don't see other threads for this, but he's pretty good at stories that are more about the every day stuff or the story itself than the sex. He also has a whole lot and it's really well written.
Morpheus is a well known and much enjoyed TG author who has recently joined the Canon Cabal of the Whatley Universe. http://www.crystalhall.org/
Check out his/her fanfiction in the fanfiction section of the forums. Theres about 4 new stories from him.
I feel you. It's gonna be okay.
Wasn't sure to put this over on the caption thread. But I guess I'll put it here. Since you guys/gals lately have been critiquing stories.
Read it and post what you think.
I understand if its kinda long, But that's how I caption!
Because if they don't magically start enjoying it then you essentially just made them trans, and its a depressing ending. Especially since some of us are trans ourselves, and would never consider forcing someone else through that
>you essentially just made them trans
Son, they weren't figuratively turned into a girl. They are a girl now.
In which case they've either been given a matching cis female compatible mind map or had one to begin with. Otherwise they're most likely going to experience gender dysphoria like an FtM would.
Why are TG threads always ruined so early like this, every time
No, he means male mind in a female body. Because he can't conceive of a situation in which his brain also undergoes the transition from male to female. And that's because he's stuck in his own narrow view of the subject and can't imagine it going differently.
The problem with this fetish is actually that there's a huge gap in mentality between the trans people who view it as a combination of fetish and wish fantasy, and the non-trans people who view it more as a form of sexual violation, more akin to a rape or TF fetish. Content tends to please only one or the other of the two groups, seldom both. But nobody has yet made the distinction between wish fulfillment TG and involuntary TG for these threads.
Honestly, the only good thing about Sapph is that he puts up videos on a regular basis. By themselves, the flashes are nothing special.
Plus, he came out to his family about doing this sort of stuff and they fully support him, which is a little weird.
Body Swapping: Clasical Switcharoo between person A and person B
Body Morphing: Changing the physical appearance of someone's body, generally to match another person's. It might be your own, or it might be somebody else's
Cloning: What it says on the tin. Generally is understood to mean that person A is now a clone of themselves, not the original. May include Body Morphing
Body Part X'ing: X might mean Swap, Morph or Expand. Basically changing a part of the body (arms, genitals, hair) instead of the whole
Possession: Taking over somebody else's body, generally through ethereal means. When Person A takes over Person B's body, Person A's body is rendered unconcious until somebody else possesses it, and Person B's conciousness loses control of their body until either Person A leaves or they regain enough strenght to kick Person A out
Gender Bender: A Gender Change that usually alters reality to make it seem like the affected person has always been of the gender he/she now is
Life Swapping: Swapping how everybody else sees you as, but not the physical appearance you own. In some rare cases, this could also mean that everybody else sees your body as you see it (say, a teenage guy) but reality fixes itself so that it's obvious to anybody that you are whoever you swapped your life with (for example, a newborn girl)
Trait Swapping: To swap non-physical details like Name, Height, Weight, Age, Memories, Personality and Clothing among others.
Age Regression: Losing Age
Age Progression: Gaining Age
Body Suit'ing: Taking the skin of somebody and wearing it as a suit. Not to be confused with Body Suits, which are "clothes" sold as means to transform your appearance into somebody else's, included but not limited to famous/fictional individuals or animal/mythological creatures
Vore Takeover: Taking over the body of somebody who ate you. Generally achieved by becoming some goo-like substance or just air. May vary in graphic-ness from none to walls of text
because alot of transpeople arent exposed to gender change until they see things like this, some of them may post feels and what not but lets not let them ruin the thread and stop us from posting more content
As someone with real-world experience with kink and with trans issues, I think /d/ is a terrible place for discussion or advice-seeking, because I've seen more stupid, even dangerous suggestions put forth by people with one hand at their genitals than I have anywhere else. It's not, as they call it, a 'safe space'.
You know what? That's fine! It's an image board where we post weird manga porn. It's not intended to be /soc/ or /lgbt/. As much as some of the content posted here makes me wince, that's what here is for.
(It's not the 'one of us!' comic, but it's still Kittyhawk.)
Lets add something new and make a /d/iscussion
The current running Pretty Cure franchise (HappinessCharge PreCure!) appears to have a gender bend villain.
I present you Cure Un-Lovely (aka Phantom with tits?)
Nows the question:
what is his gender in this transformation
or "just" a woman?
After all the Pcure series a ment to be "family friendly" i.e:
Mommy, how did this guy turn into a woman?
Mom: because magic, dear.
Next on Pretty cure: Sexchange is magic....
Also have a panda link for more Phantom/Un-Lovely pictures.
also best "cure" is still "milk cure" from Matsuzawa Kei ;-p
Unlovely is nice but the chance of him/her appearing again is pretty small.
Speaking of gender bender girl sentai shows, Ore, Twintail ni Narimasu is airing next season. The MC is a boy who turns into a girl when he goes into fighting mode.
Anyone else looking forward to it?
Woud you happen to have the episodes' references?
personally i like my TG with at least some level fo happy ending, minus the identity destruction and brainwashing.
because 90% of the time, even "happy ending TG" is just super quick transition from "oh no ive become a girl, i hate this" to 1 or 2 fucks and then "i love beign a girl dicks are awesome, hooray".
On that note, i fucking love Key To Her Heart, though i guess not necessarily as a TG comic and more of a "lul so fucking awkward to read" comic
I had an idea for a TG story where the guy gets transformed unwillingly (I was thinking disease or something) but keeps the same sexual preference. Starts out with a degree of detachment and angst doing things like masturbating to himself with the idea that he has a girl who will do anything he wants but not wanting to believe that girl in the mirror is him. It progresses to the point where he doesn't really want to be a girl but realizes that it's at least got some upsides (ie; lesbian sex). I was also going to do a brick joke where one of his male friends wants to fuck/grope, he tells the friend not unless he turns female, and at the end the friend comes back as a girl.
Anyone got any good neko tf stories? Been looking all over the place and I can't find anything that isn't god awful.
So, http://tfstories.tumblr.com submission-based-adventure comic has started up again, and Glockens is running a Patreon to get it and http://pnll.tumblr.com/ updating more often.
It's a Mystery looked promising (back in 2012) but it's still 35$ away from regular updates.
I so desperately want some more of this story to be made. Anyone have links to similar material?
Isn't there a route in one of the XChange games where the protag's best friend (who always wants to fuck the female version of protag) eventually becomes a girl, and they have lezbo sex?
IIRC he does become a gril in X-Change 3 but the MC turns back so they are just an heterosexual couple.
Just get the extension ya dingus.
>Wish this could happen to me all the time so then I could live as a cis girl
>this stuff gives me an erection
Fuck everything... why can't this just happen to all us trans people? I think it's safe to say we'd be fine with it.
Anyone have the fictionmania story about the kid with the goth witch sister who has a wish-granting bone necklace, but the necklace makes him a 12 year old girl into Hannah Montana since it wishes things in reverse or something?
You really thought TG fetishism was any other way? Get your delusional SJW bullshit out of here. And while you're at it, read up on gender vs sex. You're arguing for semantic distinctions that already exist.
>tfw find it nearly impossible to think about sex in a male role anymore
>the idea of using my penis in sex feels almost alien and wrong
>completely fall apart in relationships because I can't be "the man" in a sexual sense
>still pretty ok with being male otherwise in day to day life aside from the occasional fantasy of living as a girl
I don't even know anymore. Not that it matters now that I'm 25.
are you L I T T E R A L L Y me?
seriously, i've just gotten out of a relationship because of that shit. It didn't seemed like a big deal before, but it suddenly shone in a new light after... that.
Came across a talented artist on Pixiv named ナッピー's (Nappy) He did a nice mother/son body-swap which deserves to be translated. Check it out.
Reality is painful sometimes.
It's right up to the frown. Unless that's a really shit set, it's really fucking comfortable.
I did not cry in such a situation, as really, I cannot stress how comfortable it is. Bikinis, underwear, all of it. That glorious, smooth, soft tightness surrounding and hugging one's body in all the right places.
All of mine seem to end before then. The one time I did get sexually active, I turned down a blowjob because I felt wrong about it. Couldn't really explain why I didn't want it. Got dumped a week later.
Real girl just popping in to say that yes, it is as awesome as you imagine it to be. Not that I have anything to compare it to, but I've found it awesome.
...okay, yeah, menstruating isn't awesome even at the best of times. Nor is losing your hymen. And menopause will probably suck. And I know plenty of people fetishize them, but pregnancy and childbirth seem like really unpleasant experiences, but fortunately they're entirely optional.
So aside from all that, it's awesome. The constant maintenance can be irritating, but worth it.
Goddamn anon, that was gold, I literally couldn't stop reading. I couldn't help but feel bad for the MC though, since he basically ends up a different person.
Maybe I was missing the point of the Jerome/Jeri character. I thought that they just happened to be one of the ones whose brains didn't get warped to match their sex. Was it more of a lack of ability to accept his situation that the author was trying to convey?
pretty much. jerome was a young black man if i recall correctly. his conflicting views on womanhood and manhood were so powerful that his psyche literally snapped.
as the author mentioned, black men are seen to be much tougher, and are expected to be that way as well.
they are supposed to be strong and in control of everything they do.
but if you flip that around that means that women are thought of as weak and somewhat mental, to put it bluntly.
for the rest of them, they didn't have these prejudices as bad. especially jack. he knew strong and independent women that helped him along.
jerome's psyche was so set on the "Ideal black male" though, that he simply couldn't cope.
admittedly, the change did alter brain chemistry some to make it easier to accept, but there was no outright brainwashing. just some light conditioning to help adjustment.
as it said in the thing, the change doesn't alter hardcoded information, such as sexual orientation.
so no, its not that he didn't accept the brainwashing, but that his own views conflicted too heavily with his new and permanent form
>the change doesn't alter hardcoded information, such as sexual orientation.
Um, yes it did. Yeah, yeah, the author tried to wave it off with symmetry - heterosexual guy becomes heterosexual girl, gay guy becomes lesbian girl - but there's no reason whatsoever it would work that way. Gender identity and sexual orientation are different areas of the brain. If anything, that alters them even *more*, ensuring that everyone gets their sense of self and their love life screwed over.
I mean, think about the extra layer of horror there - it doesn't affect the MC, but suppose the disease hit a boy who was deeply in love with a girl. Love-of-his-life-type of love. And then one day, something screws with his brain and all that love and attraction would just be... gone. No relationship survives someone catching that disease.
(Except for bisexuals.)
I honestly don't know why I dislike this story so much. By the standards of TG fiction, it is an undeniable gem of good writing. But almost everything about it rubs me the wrong way. The way people force the MC to instantly become a girly-girl instead of letting her explore femininity at her own pace. The dumbass depiction of "female power" (which, for those curious, is to give men boners and make them do things with the promise of sex. Empowerment!) The gratuitous sexual assault that is never mentioned again, leaving a sexual predator free to prey on other girls. And the way the narrative insists over and over again that there's no brainwashing when there clearly is.
I guess at the end of the day it's the wasted potential that gets to me. A good writer and a good premise somehow adding up to a disappointing story.
I'm in the same boat as you, somehow, but maybe I can go a bit deeper. As a tranny, the sexual orientation flip is not uncommon. Quite the contrary, rather. I know plenty of straight girls who became straight guys, and vice versa. No, the thing that bothers me is the sexual role flip. Estrogen, no matter how much is pumped into you, does not make you like getting bent over a guy's knee and spanked.
More disturbing how easily many of them accepted it. No matter how much your mind decides it wants completely different things, you still have over a decade of memories of being this completely different person. You don't let go of that in a week, that's just silly. Especially the whole sexual orientation flip; I knew my orientation would change eventually, and I still freaked out when it did. It took lots of adjusting and reassuring myself that I was still me. If I suddenly got the urge to act entirely different, I would have had a meltdown.
>Amateur psychology. Amateur psychology everywhere
Back on topic
I agree with most everything you said. I was still able to enjoy it, but some things left a bad taste in my mouth. Going on a picnic and rejoicing in nature with the mother made me groan.
Here's the last page. The trade was permanent, thank you god.
I should stop. I want to ask if anyone has the source on this image though. It was TG. Started with some fat guy. It was a set of about 8 images, I didn't save them all at the time. Now I can't find it. Posting what I have, appreciated if anyone has the rest.
I like my TG with bondage and humiliation. Always having to come up with my own stories to stuff I have yet to come across more than a few artists that make anything like it :(
I love TG fiction but I always have an issue with how the female is depicted/written.
It's so difficult to find something specific to what you like. I can't enjoy it when the result of TG isn't just physical but also involves adopting the social conditioning of what a women should be, since it's so often from a limited male perspective.
The focus on make up and maintenance is always the worst. A lot of girls really don't care that much, but are still perfectly physically attractive. Also, girls don't all talk about make up and "girly things" with each other. A lot of these "girly things" are so entrenched in your own way of being/social expectations that you just never mention them.
I am really drunk so let it be known this was quite the undertaking.
Seriously fuck this captcha and shit.
Which sucks. It means I have to pretend that the original mind is in tact and still in the body sliently screaming while the new mind takes control when it comes to hypnoization and memory wipes.
Hey, everyone. OP here. I finally cleared my writer's block and finished my thing.
I'll probably accept any last-minute suggestions/criticisms before uploading it onto Fictionmania and TG Storytime under some disposable e-mail, then never trying to write something like this ever again because writing this sort of shit is REALLY hard.
>Simply put, I learned that while people may claim that sexism is over because the pay ceiling has been demolished and Gone Home was a critical success, it's still there - just hiding.
You might want to tone down on the soapbox. Don't forget you're writing masturbation fodder.
The only way I see that happening is if they find a way to falsely simulate the nervous system from perhaps a machine at the back of the neck. And in conjunction with a VR Helmet.
But personally I would bank more of my money into 3D Printer powered reconstructive surgery.
Different anon, but I've got the rest. It isn't very long. It's a comic called "Demon Wish."
Most people aren't too fond of the last 4 panels. You gotta be into the whole pregnancy thing.
The Changes in Paradise series has some well-written MTF. The overall writing is both overlong and iffy (all the characters start with very different personalities, and then they all act really samey when they get TGed), but you can skip through it.
Zouscha's something of a junk-food writer, and he knows it. I suspect he's never actually had sex, but he's enthusiastic about faking it, and he doesn't waste your time. He's been getting a bit kinkier in the bodymod lately, so be warned about his recent work.
Hardcore bodymod, but surprisingly romantic and tender. Pretty much the best thing I've found on Fictionmania.
Narrative fiction isn't a good vehicle for politics even if they're right. When's the last time anybody's read Uncle Tom's Cabin for pleasure?
The reverse transitioning was realistic but alienating. In erotic and vanilla tg fic, readers want the main character to find happiness as the other gender. Deconstruction isn't something that can be pulled off easily.
Agreed with this, and also want to add that you severely undermine your 'misogyny is bad, m'kay'-message with your portrayal of the female characters. When it comes to addressing sexism/homophobia/racism/etc. the best way to do it without preaching is really to just write the fully rounded minority characters you want to see. That sinks in much better than a lecture.
Because right now, your story reads very much "Do as I say, not as I do."
>Whenever a husband tells his wife that she has too many things cluttering their bathroom, she usually believes that he's just overreacting. If I met that hypothetical wife, I would slap her right across the face because he was totally right.
Thank you so much, Anon.
Yeah, if it wasn't completely obvious this was my first time actually writing a short story, let alone a TG one. I was just so pissed off that there were so few stories that don't deal with this sort of crap that I felt I had to write something to tip the scales.
I guess that if I wanted to really write a metric fuckload of cheesecake, I could. I just felt like if I did, the story itself would have barely any literary value. I chose this particular ending for the story not just because there are so few FtM stories compared to MtF, but because any contradictions with misogyny and shit could be explained as it being a teenage girl's difficult description of her own gender identity.
That being said, the next time I write another story like this (if there ever is a next time), I'll make sure to tone down the soap boxing and write sexier shit in its place.
Good, involving writing has more literary merit than blunt soapboxing and awkward "Very Special Episode" dictating.
Writing for the sake of literary merit is often self-defeating. You just end up with a story that's self-important and unenjoyable. Worse, if people disagree with your particular set of politics, you completely alienate them. Someone who hates homosexuals isn't going to be convinced by the narrator stating, "Homophobes are big dumb bigots," but they might begin to question some of their views if they read a story that allows them to connect and emphasize with a gay character.
Look up Of Heroes and Villains. That's a story that explores a main character's struggles with transexuality while providing a fun, involving narrative and giving readers numerous opportunities to get their rocks off. It conveys its message through the story and the characters, not preaching.
it was a tg comic involving a guy that forced a girl to consume her to posses her, there were two, from different authors, in one it was like the guy made her only eat part of himself, in the other it was some sort of vaginal vore.
try at g.e hentai under the gender bender tab or body suit, or posession I would search it for you. But the last time I did an effort like that I spent 2 hours searching just to never been thanked for the effort.
I'm sure I've seen more even then, but it's a really scarse fetish.
On the other hand, no one ever helped me find some request of an old thing I seem unable to find again. So... I kinda don't feel like gifting such sleuthing work anymore.
Good look though.
What's the comic where the guy goes to this god/demon and asks her for power, and she's like a snakegirl.
They have sex and she unbirths him and then eventually he's transformed into a snakegirl like her
I'd like to second the recommendation for Of Heroes And Villains. It's an incredible story, the TG stuff going on just becomes the icing on the cake. I think the reason I love the TG aspect of the story so much is the fact that there's no weird mind bending that has to go on to make the change bearable for the victim, I always hate that for some reason. I hope the author finishes the sequel soon, looks like they haven't written anything since March.
I think the reason I like the story so much (and oh did I gush over that story in the reviews/comments section) was because it was something that was definitely... kinky but not treated as abnormal or wrong.
And it was something the character wanted. It made them happier/better when they accepted themselves.
If you're into stories with lower sexual content like that, I recommend the Manga Boku Girl. It's a romantic comedy about a guy who's turned into a girl, but like Of Heroes And Villains, there's no mind bending, it's all about self discovery, very cute.
Seconding this rec. It's the most fun I've had with a gender bender manga since Ame Nochi Hare got dropped.
Can we please just post porn and not ruminate gender roles? Some of us actually just want to fap. If you want to talk about this stuff go to /lgbt/ instead
Google says Tsugumomo. Chapter 46.
Not porn. A few pages long in a dream or something, fanservice completely irrelevant to the story.