Samurai Jack

>>22223
no, jack posting is shitposting, die in a fire, faggot

>>22223
I haven't been to /ck/ in a while but is this guy still a thing? I remember he was posted so much that they stared banning threads of him

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Who would win, Aku or Jack's raw chicken?

>>22258
jack threads are my favorite /ck/ threads t b q h, we have a bunch of review brah threads anyways

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Sword skills

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>>22240

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>>22223
/ck/ memes are grossest memes.

Not even /an/ gets as icky as this.

>>22267
I lost it. I can't handle this picture. I've seen the videos of how he cooks chicken, and I can't believe this fuck keeps doing it.

>>22479
I can't believe he still has followers

>>22520
I can't believe he's still alive. God must really love this guy.

>>22566
What the hell is he trying to do? Someone from /ck/ explain.

>>22223
Bruh, I thought this nigga was Bob Chipman from the OP image.

>>22392
Is he mentally impaired?

>>22223
TOP KEK

Post all the webm's guys.

>>22635
he's trying to score the meat so it soaks up the marinade better but he jumps from not being able to cut through through even the skin to making way too fucking large of cuts

>>22635
score the meat for marinade penetration I guess

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>>22223
Joey is way better than Jack.

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>>22697

Kay is so much better than Jack

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeKWgImK1RAD9IGjWZqxmIw

How people like Jack continue to sustain a living on youtube amazes me. No other category of video has seen such a drastic improvement in quality than cooking videos over the years. People like Chef John, Andrew Rea, mothafucking Cooking with Dog are light-years ahead. But somehow, it's like Jack has kept a few thousands of his subscribers in some sort of stockholm syndrome-like trance.

>>22223
What am I looking at here? 3 Fatass Moon?

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>/cock/
what's going on here

Can I get a quick rundown on this guy?

>>22668
Not his fault that the Infomercial sold the product like that.

>Wow
>Look at that
>Look at all the juice coming out of my son's nose
>Beautiful
>Look at that
>Wow

Remember Jack's battle with non-newtonian fluids?

>>22787
Just watch the webm man. You'll understand why is this guy become a living meme in /ck/.

>>22839
What in the fuck was he even trying to make here?

>>22943

Sadness.

>>22392
TAKE THE STICKER OFF

Somebody redpill me on Jack, please

>>23044
Oh God I can't dude. Please stop.

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>>22839
This is revolting.

>>23062
mad man attempts world domination one case of salmonella at a time

Is he doing this as a joke or is he serious

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>/co/ finally taking the jackpill

>>23120
Seriously, I'm retarded when it comes to cooking.

>>22601
I think we can say with certainty that he's not kept alive by gods grace, but by the viles of satan.

>>23183
I'm no /ck/ regular but everything he cooks is either
>Disgusting
>Undercooked
>He fails horribly and using a simple tool

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>>23129
He has a channel on youtube where he's shilling his brand of The Best Sauces You'll Ever Taste™

Sometimes he attempts to cook.

These are REAL enchiladas

>>23217
Surprised that didn't also include a jar of mayo

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>>23157
this isn't a man

>>23317
I think this means the potato has gotten old/bad.

Where's the one with the fly?

>>23353
just oversoaked in water, peeled
I think

Jack is truly the spirit animal of /cock/.

WAJACK

>>22746
Logan looks really good.

>>23560
>Making pancakes on the lowest heat possible.

Absolute mad man.

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>>23371

>>23632
Jack has never cooked anything at more than a hot bath temperature.

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>>23648

>>23790
the opening of that package was pretty fly

>>23009
and miss out on those essential papers and adhesives?

>>22715
>Le John Wayne Gacey faec

>>23317
JUST CUT IT IN HALF, GOD DAMN IT

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>>23156
/cock/ was a mistake.

But not for the reasons I initially assumed. I thought /co/ was the one that would gross out /ck/.

>>22958
HOW DO YOU SCREW THAT UP?

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>>24000
We're involved with each other for a reason.

<3

I don't... I don't understand. I know that terrible things are happening here, but I don't understand any of it. What is this? Why do I feel so revolted watching these?

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>>22873
That brand actually makes the best tasting salsa. But it IS way too watery.

>>24000
/co/ is still one of the dumbest places in 4chan

>>23632
There's nothing wrong with that if they are thick pancakes. Maybe not the lowest heat, but a low heat is needed to cook all the way through without burning.

>>22240
>implying today isn't solely dedicated to shitposting because this board will fucking die at the end of it.

>>24176
/ck/ is the most self destructive board on 4chan

>>23115
This guy can't be serious. He's doing shit on purpose, R-right ?

>>23009
>>23847
Fruit stickers are actually safe to eat. But so is paper.

>>22601
No, clearly god doesn't want him stinking up heaven, so he keeps him down here. Jack will be around after the apocalypse. Jack will probably be the fucking horseman of pestilence.

>>22635
trying to score meat with a blunt knife because he's too lazy to sharpen it, or is just too stupid to know how.

>>24176
>>24223
neither of this is true

t. someone whose favorite boards are /co/, /ck/, and /tg/

>>24313
why is this man so fucking stupid

>>24313
I literally can not, what is he doing? removing a burnt end off a wooden spoon? how did it get burnt? why is he using just a regular kitchen knife? why not at least a considerably more serrated one? does he not have a handsaw? is the burnt end bothering him that much?

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>>24336

>>24313
>what the fuck is a saw?

>>22839
HE DIDN'T EVEN COOK THE FUCKING ONIONS.

>>24354
He was comparing steel knives to ceramic knives by cutting through the wooden spoon to see which was sharper. The brand new ceramic knife shattered and he wrote it off as a shitty product.

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>>24367
>Puts his thumb on the knife (like an idiot)
>Immediately cuts himself (like an idiot) yet proving that the knife is in fact, razor sharp
>STILL manages to fuck up filleting a fucking fish

I've had enough of this walking meme

out of all the april fools threads, even the ones on /mlpol/, this was the one that disgusted me the most.
if this man isn't proof of god's nonexistence, may god have mercy on him

>>24403
w-what is this?

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>>22721
>metal tongs on a nonstick pan

>>24403
Why is he using peanut butter as batter?

>>23790
He didn't even clean that grill did he.

>>24470
>mobile phone in the meat tray
his immune system must have super powers at this point

>>23157
It's like he's an alien trying to blend in as a human chef but all of his cooking knowledge comes from a predictive text generator.

>>24430
>>24538
He made a non-Newtonian fluid on accident

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>>24558
this was the one that broke me. I'm going to go watch cartoons, have a hot bath, and cook a meal that isn't wretch inducing. It's been fun. Goodbye.

>>24590
IN ALL HONESTY, i've used that method to cook omelettes before when I didn't have access to a stove (hotel room). It's not as horrible as it looks.

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>>24367
This

>>24628
WHY NOT JUST DIP IT FUCKKKKKKKKKKK

>>24558
>UNDERCOOKED MEATLOAF

How the fuck is that even possible to fuck up?

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>>24626

>>23560
he's more like the marcel duchamp of cooking. or maybe the andres serrano.

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>>24679

>>24634
I just don't understand. How can there be so much liquid in there?

>>24657
>that moment he stopped chewing for a second and realised what he had done

>>24697
Jack is to cooking what Rob Liefeld is to comic books.

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>>24719
cotton chicken breast lmao
>>24717
fucking mad man!!!

Didn't this guy have a low IQ?

>>24719
I just don't understand, are the tools themselves this bad, or he is just superhumanly shitty at using them?

>>24749
pretty much

>>24777
>MAYONNAISE
nooooooooo

why this

>>24777
>more mayonnaise
If you cut jack open, would he bleed mayonnaise?

I have been a member of 4chan since 2004. I have seen many unspeakable things, but somehow, this thread takes the cake.

Is this real fucking life? What's happening here? How can this person exist? What's going on?? And why is his camera so good??

>>24808
Jack is clearly just a suit filled with sentient Mayonnaise trying to infest other humans through over consumption of mayo and uncooked chicken.

>>24815
I have seen some truly sick and twisted pornography in my day, but this may be the first time I have ever felt honestly offended. I've been frustrated, annoyed maybe, but never offended.

Until now.

What this man does should be a crime.

>>24838
>literally a can of pam six inches to his right
FUCKING HOW ARE YOU THIS DUMB

well... I'll give him this much

at least he doesn't give up

>>24850
>completely nonsensical ketchup mixture
Okay whatever
>50 seconds
>MYSTERIOUS BLACK BUBBLING FLUID
NO HUMAN CHEF COULD PRODUCE THESE ABOMINATIONS

HE'S AN ALIEN I TELL YOU

>>24777
>Mayo on in cake
I wanna vomit

I've watched these webm several times and WHY IS HE SO BAD AT COOKING FOOD HOLY SHIT JUS STOP

>>24628
>finally gets oil hot for first time in his life
>Is so afraid of it he throws the meat in from a distance.

>>24949
why

why does he need a towel?

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>>24949

>>24850
The fuck is that black shit? Sewer water?

>>24954
>Jack's next deep frying video is him shooting little chunks of chicken into the pot from across the room like basketballs.

>>24866
this is going to be a new Kevin Smith show in a year or two

it'll be called Cooking with Smod or something like that

>>24977
why didn't you preheat your fucking pan you mong

>>24982
*sewage

>>25010
jesus christ jack, you are in a kitchen just get a knife, you have a bunch right next to you

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>>24981

>>24912
industrial mayo is literally just oil and like an 8th of an egg yolk per jar.

How can this guy afford all those expensive kitchen tools though?
I believe he only got little money from running a mediocre jewtube channel.

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STOP IT

>>25095
it started off so strong. he'd preheated his pan. he'd melted the butter. onions and garlic, a strong combo. THEN HE PUT FUCKING APPLES AND RICE IN THE PAN.

>>25095
what is this man's aversion to cooking his damn onions?

>>24846
>>24815
>>24626
>>24415

There's a reason why Jackposting was banned on /ck/.

Now you know that reason.

>>25126
I don't think that's rice, I think that's sauerkraut

Why does he undercook everything, hasn't anyone told him not to eat pink, bloody chicken?

>>24430
Some shoddy attempt at making general tsao chicken, it's basically just corn flour and soy sauce.

>>25130
That looks pretty tasty desu senpai.

>>25151
I can see why. I can also see why you would want threads. I mean, it's morbidly fascinating. And the anger I feel is almost orgasmic in its intensity.

>>25155
I can't deal with this

>>25155
Holy shit. This is too much, guys.

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>>25270
oh god it's like a german porno

>>22773
And chef john is king supreme

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>>25155

>>22773
Youtube has niche audiences for the extremely skilled, and the extremely incompetent. Sometimes you want to watch a human trainwreck destroy food.

>>25270
Whats Jack call this sauce? Shit?

>>25155
>buy premade crust
>add premade filling
WA
LA

>>25331
If you can think of a better way, I'd like to hear it

>>25126
Yep, as the other anon said it's sour cabbage he's adding in with the apples. It actually works pretty well together, it's just that he's taken a classic combination out of context and made a mess of it.

>>24982

Havn't seen the vid, but I'm gonna guess he tried to caramelise onions in a pan and that's balsamic vinegar?

>>22267
FOOLISH SALMONELLA WARRIOR

God I love this merge.

I hope Hiro at least keeps it around as a hidden joke after this awful holiday ends.

>>24982
The parts that stick to the edge of the pan looks like cellery. I have no fucking clue what the liquid is though.

>>25332
>its a jack ruins perfectly good meat with shitty beer episode

>>25446
fucking kek

>>25175
is he in EPCOT?

>>24697
no. he's pollock without alcohol >>24717

>>24590
..I thought that was a plastic bag it was in before he cut through it.

>>25546

say no more >>25270

>>22958
what the fuck is this?

>>25547
it's one after he cuts through it too

>>22392
I'm fucking dead

>>24505
WHAT THE FUCK

>>22223
tfw no archive for /cock/
I want to save the magic

>>25661
dont worry bro, the jack will always be in your heart

>>24772
im not quite sure but it seems like a combination of both. Its clear that he doesn't sharpen them like ever but he also has terrible technique like he's literally just grazing the chicken here and not cutting to the board.

>>25103
He uses icy water to make sure that his burgers are rare inside?

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>This embodiment of plague and disease walks among us a free man

What he does should be considered nothing short of a crime against humanity

>>25382
>put butter in mixing bowl
>let butter mix in bowl for a few moments
>slowly add dry ingredients
don't be an idiot.

>>22267
How is he still alive?!

>>22839

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>25858
he'll outlive us all

>>25382
>>25814
not sure what hes making here but assuming its just a brownie or something, let the butter sit at room temp or blast in microwave for 10 seconds to soften, mix on slow, add dry ingredients in small batches until the butter has become fully mixed and then you can dump everything else in. Also use a bigger bowl if you have one.

If he is making something crumbly that require the butter to be cold, break it up into thirds and then mix.

>>24558
>completely raw
>bone-dry
How does he do it /ck/?

>>23044

>not eating your burgers rare

wtf is wrong you fucking plebs

This is the best thread on /cock/

>>22223
FOOLISH CHEF

>>22392
What's he actually trying to do here? Like, what's that product actually supposed to be for?

So this is /ck/'s version of Bendis? Someone who tends to fuck up his own creations as if he planned it?

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>>24679
What the fuck is he even doing

>>26224
this is one fucking mean webm

>>24825
>implying he's not being controlled by the salmonella that has taken over his brain

>>23317
I don't into /ck/ how are you supposed to do this

>>26371
Use a potato not made of stone and it's easy.

>>26313
I think it's something Americans called "degreasing a pizza"

>>26387
>potato not made of stone
Soak it first? Doesn't seem like it's easy given the rounded nature of a potato
Anyway he's got to be doing this on purpose, he's voluntarily uploading some of this

>>26389
he does a series called playin with your food where he disassembles food from fast food places to see what value youre getting, not even kidding

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>>23044

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>>26435

>>26371
>>26423
just cut a small part of the bottom off to make a flat surface and do it on a rag/towel so it doesn't slip away

>>26371
Cut it with a knife instead of buying useless kitchen wares you saw on TV.

Is this why americans are fat from eating fast food all the time? Because their cuisine looks like this?

>>26500
No, Jack is an exception.

>>26500
nobody's food looks like this. this is beyond the ninth circle of flyover hell.

>>23115
>trying to be all professional with the knuckle hold
>knife is several inches away and he's just crushing the cheese
Sometimes, jack

>>24403
>Recipe probably calls for corn flour then batter
>Thinks he will save time by combining them

besides /cock/ and /mlpol/, what other boards have been merged?

>>26759
>/mo/
>/fitlit/
>/can/
>/fap/

>>26759
/fitlit/ fit-lit
/can/ anime/cute-animals

>>24721

Everyones taco gets all wet and soppy when jacks in the room

>>22267
Someone please change it to Aku Infection survivor

>>24721
I'm usually annoyed by the amount of oil or whatever you'd call it that drips onto my hand whenever I make tacos, but at least it's not a torrential flood like he manages. Does he use ice-cubes as a topping?

>>26736

I think that's the biggest problem.

I mean, sure, there's the issue of undercooked meat, which is the worst of it, but it seems like the guy lacks common sense in the respect of how to actually combine powders, liquids, and solids, and how you can't just mash every ingredient into a bowl and once and then just smash everything with a spoon/knife/mixer/whatever and expect them to all be combined smoothly.

>>24505
>yorkshire pudding
that looks like cookies

>>24505
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT

>>26759
>/mlpol/
Oh, they must be having a wonderful time over there.

I think I had enough of cultural exchange between /ck/ and /co/ and it has been an eye opener.

Can we go back please Hiroshima, I don't think I can't stand here any longer.

>>26371
Cut it in half and then do it to each half. Much more purchase gained.

>>27240
strangely enough, they are. /pol/ will bitch about anything but then try and make it their ally three minutes later. /mlp/ are just glad they have a red board to post porn on all day. Overall I think they've actually allied because of this event.

>>27539
God, that sounds awful. I mean, good for them and all, but as someone who is neither brony or a nazi, that sounds like the worst place in the world.

>>27600
They deserve each other

>>27600
Oh yeah it's fuckin terrible. It's half porn, half nazi ponies. I'm just checking out all the mixed boards today to see how they get along. I'm usually just on /ck/ and /tg/

>>27670
You should check out /fitlit/. It's rather amusing.

>>27600
>>27670
>>27657

>check it out
>first thread is: "PONYFAGGOTS GET OUT REEEEE"
>second thread: "is horse pussy the ultimate redpill?"

enough internet for today

>>27240

Its like one of those 40k themed album covers, every thread is a eight-direction shitposting flamewar. Its fucking glorious.

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>>27858

Would anybody like me to post a very very rare jack. It's only been seen in the wild for less than 3 minutes before mods tore my thread down a few months ago

>>27944
Yes please

>>27944
you already know the answer you fucking tease

>>26862
>>/mo/

How is it not full Transformers mode over there?

>>22223
Wow how fat did Mattmcmuscles get on that cruise he took?

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>>27960
>>27965
Here ya go

>>27993
very nice

>>22839
this made my mouth salivate. Not in a "mm that looks delicious" sort of way but "i'm about to puke" sort of way

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>>27993
Here is a semi-rare jack

>>27993
God bless you anon

>>27993
Jack will be responsible for the crash of the unitasker industry all by himself.

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>>28059
>>28048
>>28035


Here is a PLATINUM RARE JACK

I created it a few months ago but never released it.

>>28040
wtf 2 Jacks?

>>28132
nice anon, has he had a stroke he isn't telling us about?

>>28132
How much uncooked meat can your body take before it starts to shut down?

>>25155
HE DIDN'T EVEN USE A PROPER CRUST
AND HE CUT RIGHT THROUGH
RIGHT
THROUGH
THE FUCKING PAN

WHAT IS THIS MAN

>>28170
He actually has had a stroke. He mentions in a couple of videos, can't remember which though

>>23566
kek

>>28132
Thats concerning

>>28204
Suddenly his inability to use cooking implements and his wonky taste buds makes an awful lot of sense.

>>23217
>the prolapsed anus
gets me everysingle fucking time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUvYcUbxzYI

delete this

I had seen Jack stuff before but I had no idea he was this bad.

>>24573

All along we were the fools. By now he's likely immune to every meat born pathogen known to man

>>24719
WHY THE FUCK DOES HE WEAR HIS FUCKING RING LIKE SOME FUCKING WANNABE FUCKING KEKMAFFIA CUNT?

>>28040
3 hospitalized with salmonella, culprit still at large.

>>25382

You don't add hard butter to dry cake batter you stupid ding dong, it's wet ingredients and then you add the dry; butter and sugar count as wet

>>26736
Wait. Hold the fuck up.
Did this motherfucker batter his chicken in fucking Non-Newtonian Fluid?

Is American meat really that bad? The chiken is bad, but beef can be eaten raw no problems. Salmonella is a poultry problem if you get it in your beef it's from an external source, like no washing your hands after shitting, but that won't happen if you cook your own meat

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>>24000
I actually TRIED this idiot's "BBQ" sauce a couple years ago. It tasted like someone made jell-o out of liquid smoke with that texture. It had seasonings in it but they were lost by the smoke. It claimed to have molasses and I sincerely doubt it. I poked my finger into the jaw after opening it and it made an indent that did not un-indent, that's how hard the "sauce" was.

>>25411
>>25522
he for some reason got the idea in his head that the way you make a balsamic 'glaze' is by boiling celery in it for a couple minutes and then pouring it on a burger. ive seen the vid. I was actually just confused as fuck when I first saw it.

>>28450
>Did this motherfucker batter his chicken in fucking Non-Newtonian Fluid?

Yeah, he used way too much cornstarch. Cornstarch+water=non-newtonian fluid

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>>28317
>Jack has a son

You bet your sweet ass I'd seek solace in pot and have rage issues if that hunk of lard was my father. Imagine the years of torment eating his "food" and then having it displayed on youtube where all your friends can see it.

>>23217
Oh, I tried them. I went out of my way to get the shit at a local-ish Walmart, and attempted to make chicken with it. I just posted it here: >>28485

>>28485
looks like shitty cheap jam

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>>24130
>>24336
>>24428
https://vid.me/2Y7E

He also once choked out one of his sons, and moved away from california because he didn't want his son to learn sex ed.

>>28506
His son actually seems like a nice kid at least. His wife is a total cunt though

>>28485
>Tomato ketchup as an ingredient
>Spices

Huh.

>>28560
Fun fact, he lives 15 minutes away from me now in Hendersonville, Tn (North Nashville)

>>24679
>B-But Gordon Ramsay takes his p-pizza apart!

>>28583
>His son actually seems like a nice kid at least

What do you base this on?

>>28604
15 min walking or 15 min by car? Pretty big difference.

>>28647
It's Tn....anytime someone talks about time to get somewhere, they 99.9% of the time mean driving

>>28637
>seems like a nice kid
>seems

he didn't say he knew he was a nice kid, you knuckle dragging fuck

>>28583
You're thinking of his second son.

/ck/ learned about his first son, the estranged aggressive pot head, years ago. Someone more well versed in jack lore could probably show you his bong filled instagram.

>>28647
That's a mile walk.
These guys are fat fucks with a huge reliance on their vehicles, you can't actually expect them to understand that 3500 feet is quite far.

>>28647
If it were 15 minutes by walking he'd say a few blocks over instead of an actual time, anon.

File: 1490139296491.png (26KB, 657x527px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 657x527px

>>22839
>spears pork bit on knife
>flicks it off knife into room

>>28708
>3500 feet
I really hope you're a bonglander.

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2MB, 3264x2448px

>>28537
Yeah actually that's a pretty good way to describe it. I'm including a larger picture of just after taking off that plastic shit so you can see what the fuck is collected on the lid and the sides of the jar. Uuyugh
>>28587
Again, all other supposed flavors included aren't enough to even remotely over power the liquid smoke. I tasted it and had to wash my mouth off. I actually DID mix it with some of the sweet and sticky Stubbs and it was decent.
>>28637
Because I've seen him in videos and also he's hosted a few of his own cooking sections and he just seems genuinely nice, I guess.
>>28604
Ask to meet him and to sign something of yours because you're such a big fan
>>28683
Oh, yeah, right I always forget about him.

>>28673
I'm asking him what makes the kid SEEM like a nice one, you numpty. Has he appeared in some video or is the dude going entirely off of Jack's story of choking him?

>>28724
"A few blocks over"

See I told you they were fat fucks with no idea about walking times.

>>28755
His second son does appear on a couple of videos. Seems like a normal kid.

Jack doesn't talk about his first son.

>>24808
You'd just have to poke a bunch of holes and he'd squirt mayo all out like in that one Junji Ito story.

>>28737
5200*
Kind of sick and delirious, forgive me.

>>28755
he's in a ton of videos

>>28812
*5280

>>28755
>>28779
His younger son just seems to enjoy when he gets this own show because he's always smiling and not acting like a /cuck/in fuck up

>>28759
A mile isn't that long...

>>23831
The fucking lukewarm pot of oil he puts it in is what really makes it

>>28672
>>28724
>americans
It takes me 10-12 minutes to walk to the store. If someone talks about travel distance in a car they use mileage, not time.
Blocks doesn't really work as a measurement in countries that don't have grid-based cities.

>>22623
THAT FUCKING PHONE IN THE MEAT CONTAINER FROM THE STORE.

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>28854
fuck off faggot you don't live here you don't know how we talk. go make your own fucking website if you care so much

>>28854
But the original post was clearly American so why'd you bongs interject in the first place?

>>28854
In a lot of the U.S.A, but Tennessee especially; 15 miles can be anywhere from 10 min to 45 min....

This is like watching monkeys use tools.
All this fucking equipment and all the time he spends cooking, and yet he still has no idea what the fuck he's doing with any of it. He's so ignorant of his own craft it's downright impressive.

>>28873
It's from broccoli specifically.
The meat containers are always white.
There's a couple colors but all I know is blue usually means broccoli and never meat.
I understand your concern though, people are fucking horrible about meat handling.

>>23044
this is actually normal, just rare cooked meat