Break's over, back to work, it's time once again for Spider-man. We start with season 2 which might as well be season 1 because the entirety of season is a prequel to the first season and that means we go back to the very beginning. When Peter was a doughy nerd ambiguously high-school or college-age. The show can't seem to decide.
Previous Fantastic Four eps
https://pastebin.com/tjREijhZ
Previous Spider-man eps
https://pastebin.com/86qedmQu
A day in fall. At school. Our saga begins.
hey nice to have you back
Hey Albert! Don't you wanna be a gentleman and carry my books for me?
No way Barbara! I'm a feminist! That means you can carry your own damn books!
Damn... if only my hair was crazier and my shirt was tighter... then I could be a Jojo character. A man can dream.
Check this out! Books and shit! We'll graduate high school this decade for sure!
OH. MY. GOD. THERE'S A SALE OF GREEN LIPSTICK AND GREEN EYESHADOW RIGHT OVER THERE! OMIGODOMIGOD
Rob, you know I like ya and all. But we two guys. We hang around too much and people are starting to call us fruits. Know what I mean? We're never seen with any girls. How about you go ask some of the girls to come with us and have an underage soda with us. How does that sound? No fat chicks
You mean those girls? The ones at my 12? Yeah they're pretty hot. But is it that easy to score with a girl? Just ask her for a casual soda?
But there's three of them and two of us. How's that going to work? And why do I have to be the guy to talk to girls?
Why you? Because I'm the cool one of the group. How's it going to affect my aloofness cred if I'm seen being proactive and talking to people I wanna bang.
And hell man, ask them all for join us for a soda. You pick the one you like and I'll take the other two. There's more than enough of me to go around.
Girls, girls. If we're going to cosplay powerpuff girls we're going to have to coordinate better next time.
There he goes! Starting move looks like a good one. "Hi" never is a bad opening gambit.
Christ, what's taking so long? I can hear his sweating and smell is heart pounding from here.
Problem. They say they're the not those kind of girls for a soda threeway and they're pack animals, they go to the bathroom and everywhere else together. They say we need to find another guy or the soda's off.
What are we going to do man? What are we going to do?! At this rate we'll never get to drink that sweet, sweet, soda. Or get our dicks wet even! And we don't have any other friends!
I love you OP.
Dum dee dum. I love science and pro-wrestling!
That Parker guy. He looks like he could use a soda. But would he go for it? Aww hell we're desperate. Maybe one of the girls will share a pity soda.
Hey Peter! Over here! Yes you! Don't just stare! FINE WHATEVER! I'LL COME TO YOU
Perfect! This'll work out perfectly! I, the great Paul, will see to it that Peter Parker gets with the cutest girl with the lowest self-esteem and then after their soda I'll swoop in and steal her right out from under his nerdy clutches! The other girls will be so impressed with my swag that they'll ALL share a soda with me.
Yes, Peter Parker. Set the plan into motion.
Ok Peter! The girls are all revved up and ready to go. Just give us the ok sign and we'll set you up on a night you'll never forget. Chilled ice-cold beverages with condensation all over the glass. Cracking ice. Caffeine with a hint of grenadine. And you might even get to see boobs! You! Yes you! Made possible by Coca Cola!
Oh gee I'd love too but there's going to be a big radioactivity demonstration over at the lab and I want to look good for the Professor by showing up an hour early. I'm also more of an unsweetened iced tea guy. BYE!
Can you believe that weenie! We set him up for a wild afternoon/early evening and that bonafide bookworm just up and walks away!
Gentlemen, this lab is full of unshielded and untested equipment and my eyeglasses are smudged so you'll have to be my eyes and guide me through our radioactive demonstration.
Any questions about how we generate and harness radioactivity? No? Good. That spares you from the inevitable sarcastic response.
>I should be excited about all of this but I can't. I can't stop thinking about those two asshole punks in their antique car. They've ruined my whole day.
>Call me a weenie will they? One day soon I'll get even. I'll douse their car with gasoline and demonstrate how combustion works.
Is this the button? Perhaps yes. Perhaps everyone should avoid looking directly at the science.
RADIATION INTENSIFIES
Sugoi!
HEY CAN YOU NERDS KEEP IT DOWN THERE. HOW'S A SPIDER SUPPOSED TO CATCH FLIES WITH ALL THESE FLASHING LIGHTS EVERYWHERE?
I'D LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH THE MANAGEMENT. AND HOW COME NO ONE MADE NOTE THAT THE ONE BLACK KID IS STANDING NEXT TO A WHITE GUY WITH A BIG N ON HIS SHIRT. WHAT'S THE N SUPPOSED TO MEAN? YEAH I WENT THERE.
AND WHAT IS THIS STUFF? DON'T YOU SCIENTISTS KNOW WHEN YOU MESS WITH NATURE, NATURE ALWAYS WINS? I'LL SHOW YA
Is it me or is the art better than usual in this one?
I'LL GET IN THE RADIATION AND BECOME A 50 FOOT SPIDER AND EAT YA. BETCHA WON'T FEEL SO COCKY WHEN I LIQUIFY YA INTERNAL ORGANS AND DRINK IT
I... I feel funny. Something's- something's happening.
I... I just wanted to kill and eat things. Is that so wrong? Nature made me a killing machine. A small killing machine with big dreams and a tiny, tiny mouth. It's not fair. It's just not fair.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>>94767442
production budget increased with season 2
Spider: Heh. Kid. I tried to take on the world and I couldn't even take down one person. I can feel it. I can feel your nerd powers flowing into me and I can't take it. I'd rather kill myself than know about balancing chemical equations and having the periodic table commited to memory. And so I am. I hope I *cough* gave ya cancer on my way out. Satan! Roll out the red carpet cause this Spider's coming home!
Did that Spider just bite me? But why? They're more afraid of people than we are of them and they scare me witless. But why do I feel so strange? I need some air.
Why do I feel so ill? Like my internal organs have been flip-turned upside down. Can a spider bite do that?
And the professor is probably laughing at me. He'll get his vengeance soon if he mocks me next time I see him.
Could the radioactivity in the lab have something to do with it? Nah. That's silly. But why do I feel this way? And where did I get a motorcycle from?! The world isn't making much sense right now.
Just need to sleep on it. Everything'll be right by morning. If not, Uncle Ben will know what to do. That man has an answer for every problem.
Hey! Kid! Watch where you're walkin'. You bumpin' into me upset my one-armed buddy here. You're gonna need to apologize.
You're gonna need to apologize with a thrashing. Make it easy and stand still.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXSAg3rXdQw
WATCH WHERE YOU'RE WALKING YA 4 EYED FAGGOT
That didn't hurt at all. Must be the adrenaline. It's something the body produces in stressful situations where there's a flight or fight situation. It's a survival mechanism.
AND I CHOOSE FIGHT. CALL ME A 4 EYES? DO YOU SEE GLASSES ON THIS DOUGHY FACE OF MINE? I'LL RIP YOUR EYES OUT OF YOUR SOCKETS AND JUGGLE THEM IN FRONT YOUR BLIND CORPSES AND ENTERTAIN PASSERSBYERS AT THE SAME TIME.
>>94767916
>>94767965
>>94767993
>>94768012
I get he's supposed to be a tough biker dude but thanks to leather gear being co-opted by the gays I can only imagine this guy speaking with a lisp.
Did I just snap that steel lamp post in two? That's so unlike me. Something's come over me. My ID is overcoming my Superego.
Uh, Mac. How about I buy ya some more leather and we forget this guy. Don't you want some leather boots, gloves, underwear? Of course you do. Let's get out of here!
Something is happening to me... changing me... but how... why? It's like some sort of super puberty.
VROOOOOOOM
That car! It's barreling right at me! This is either a reprise of Charlottesville or he really doesn't see me!
This can't be! I'm a pedestrian and I have the right of way! What do I do?!
Oh dear. This National Lampoon's New York Vacation is ending abruptly.
ORBITAL JUMP. OF ALL THE TIMES NOT TO BE CARRYING A BASKETBALL TO SLAM WHY NOT NOW. DAMN THAT PARKER LUCK
>*Crash*
Thank God I'm ok and that motorist isn't. Serves him right. Maybe dying will teach him a lesson.
The hell? I'm scaling this wall? My fingers are adhering to the wall. Like I'm... some sort of insect. Of what kind I'm not sure. An ant maybe? They climb walls.
There's only one possible answer. That Spider's dying wish was for me to have super powers and radiation made that dream possible. And his spider venom affected me in strange and profound ways and I've absorbed the vaguely defined abilities and strength of a spider. As long as I'm not a mutant I'm cool with it.
Now to do science. Fuck yeah! Science! Science to test the extent of these powers and science to test how I can get rich and cash in off of them! Move out of this dump and get Uncle Ben and Aunt May a nice house to live in . Someplace outside of New York, the most dangerous place to live on the planet.
Have I given Peter his daily pep talk yet? Why yes, yes I did. Birthday's coming up. I'll have to leave subtle hints that I'd like a bulletproof vest but not too subtle because that boy is dense as a brick sometimes. Bless his heart.
"May? What are you doing?"
"I'm dusting, honey"
"Why not use the vacuum cleaner. It has great power and with great power comes great.."
"I know Ben. I know."
Huh. That Spider was also a chemist. Now I know how to make silk from chemicals.
Look at me! I made web shooters! They look cool and they cool things! Much better than if I got mutated and could do it naturally! Look at how precise and accurate they are too!
Now that I've invented a complex mechanical device to mimic a spider's abilities I just need one thing more...
To knit myself a costume of course! Knitting's where the future lies and I'm a pro. Peter Parker would never be caught dead walking around in public in some cheap getup. Having a sense of style is integral to my character!
Now that I look like a luchador I am ready to get into show business and make thousands of dollars! And I shall call myself... I'll come up with a name later.
To the window! I leave a unemployed youth and will return a man with fame and fortune!
HELLO. IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO WANTS TO PAY ME LOTS OF DOLLARS TO JUMP AROUND AND SHOOT WEBS AND WISECRACK? IF SO I'M YOUR MAN.
No? I'll keep looking until someone says yes!
Look at me swing! Someone's got to notice me and give me my big break!
Oh. Right. Maybe I should come to them instead of running around the city yelling at random people. To the movie studio! I'll run in there and yell at them!
This is going to hurt
Or not. Barely made it. I'll park the invisible spider-car here.
Hello? Is there anyone here who'll give me a job? Preferably a host of a late night talk show with an animatronic laughing skeleton? I'm not picky. I'll settle for a black guy who laughs at my jokes.
>STOP!
Yes! I've stopped! Stopped for you! Please shut up and pay me.
STOP! THIEF! STOPTHIEF! THIEFSTOP! STOPSTOP THIEFTHIEF!
The fuck? I don't have any money. That's the problem I've come here to solve. Look, this isn't a ski mask if that's what you're thinking.
Oh you mean that guy. That makes sense.
JUST CALL ME A SHEEP CAUSE I'M ON THE LAMB
>STOP THAT THIEF! SUPLEX HIM! GET HIM IN AN ARM BAR! CHOKE HOLD! TRIP HIM! SOMETHING! IF HE GETS TO THE ELEVATOR HE'LL TAKE IT DOWNSTAIRS AND GET AWAY!
Hey what's up.
Not much. I just robbed a guy.
That's cool.
Later, fuckers! If you find my hat I want that red and blue guy to have it!
Hey what's with you? What the fuck is your problem? You're a real heel, mister.
All you had to do was trip him or grab him or made fun of his waifu or at least talked shit and you could have stopped him.
Hey what do I look like? A janitor? I don't work for free.
It's your problem, not mine. You're the guys carrying revolvers and I'm just an unarmed costumed man trying to make it in the big city. I'm not going to be pushed around by anyone anymore and I'm looking out for #1. Me.
Altruism never got anyone anywhere.
Sir, you're a strange man. You bust through the door, shot webbing everywhere and talked about how you don't do anything for anyone besides yourself. You're perfect. You're hired. If you can do it on stage you'd be perfect for our stupid human tricks segment. Hopefully by then we'll have money. Mine got stolen a few minutes ago but you in showbusiness you can't dwell on that.
>>94769777
>Said the jackpot post
Hey spidey be sure to share your winnings with us before the government takes half of it away for taxes.
>>94767608
THE CLASSIC IMAGE
I'll be on stage! I'll take the audience captive! I mean I'll captivate the audience! You just better pay me and pay me big. I've got big plans and need a big house and a big car and a big dog and you're going to make it happen.
I'll be back!
Spiderbump, spiderbump
... He left before we could discuss how much he'd be paid or what day he'd appear or what time and he left out the window while I was looking straight at him. Didn't wait for me to look away or anything.
Fuck me, I'm too old for this shit.
BWEEP bip bip BWEEP
This is the part of the job I hate the most. Doing my job. We have shots fired and we're first reporting.
>>94770017
Whoa, that car's flying!
Nice parking job, asswipe.
HEY. Do I criticize your driving?
YES. YES YOU DO.
A police car? In front of my house? What's going on? Did Uncle Ben water on the wrong day?
That boy. He's slowly running right into my arms.
What's going on?!
Easy falla. I have some good news and some bad news.
What's the bad news?
Your Uncle Ben is gone.
To Florida?
No. I mean he's dead. Shot. Murdered. Sent to meet his maker. Pushing up the daisies. Blown away.
Dead? How?
Forensics isn't here yet but probably from getting shot. Your Uncle tried to stop a burglar first thing he did was trip him, then he performed boston crab, the Burglar broke free and closelined your Uncle, your Uncle was about to get up and use the Stunner but he got hit in the back by a folding metal chair. He never had a chance. Then he got shot.
He's dead... he's really dead. Wh-what's the good news?
I just saved 50% on my auto insurance by switching to Geico.
UNCLE BEN. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Kid, pull yourself together. If it makes you feel better we know where he is. The Burglar ran off to the old Acme abandoned warehouse by the waterfront. We'll get him.
Kid? Could you not cry on the car? It just got waxed. Hey. Did you hear me?
I heard you. I have to be the one. I have to be the one to get REVENGE.
>>94770295
I smell a conspiracy. The radio tells me guns don't kill people. He had to have been killed by a person!
REVENGE REVENGE REVENGE REVENGE AVENGE CHALLENGE
So he's at the old Acme warehouse. He thinks that moldy, rotten will serve him as a fortress but it won't stop me from making it his tomb
The cops are racing to the other side of town but I'll get there first. No witnesses. No Prisoners. No mercy. Now I know what I'll be called. Spider-man.
So uh. We got here first. What do we do?
Wait around for chopper backup of course.
OP r u high?
You'll never take me alive, coppers!
FUCK. THERE GOES THE ENTRANCE
>>94766336
> jojo mention
cmon this was pretty lame
Who's that? Who's on the wall? How's he doing that?!
Who am I? My friends call me Spider-man but you can call me the sword of Damocles
!!!
A guy whos walks on walls and shoots webs like some sort human spider. What is this some sort of trick?
How'd a guy shoot a web and put a glove on my hand that wasn't there before. This is getting too weird! I'm runnin!
You think you can just run away? THERE'S NO PLACE ON EARTH YOU CAN RUN TO AND YOU WON'T RUN MUCH LONGER ONCE I SNAP YOUR FEMURS IN TWO.
Don't hurt me! I give up! I plead guilty! guilty!
THIS IS FOR THE GOOD MAN WHO'S LIFE YOU SNUFFED OUT, MURDERER
>*CRASH*
UGH
>>94771126
>>94771182
Calm down Spidey, this isn't Shocker
...
Stand up! STAND. UP. I'm not through with you yet. ON YOUR FEET SO I CAN REARRANGE YOUR FACE
no...
Who said you had a choice? You're in my web now and you're not breaking free. I promise you this.
This is beautiful Op
NOW LET ME HAVE A GOOD LOOK AT YOUR FACE BEFORE I MAKE IT UNRECOGNIZABLE FOR THE CORONER
>>94771364
does he actually say this
That face. I know that face. That was the guy from the hallway. The one I could and should have tripped. But I was looking out for #1 instead
And because I didn't stop him Uncle Ben tried instead. And now Uncle Ben is dead and in a sense I killed him. In a sense I pulled the trigger and I'm my Uncle's killer.
ABLOOBLOOBLOOBLOOBLOO
All those times he told me "with great power comes responsibility" and I didn't think once for what it meant. And now I do. I should have listened. Uncle Ben wouldn't want me to kill this robber. The only way to avenge him is to save lives, not take them.
LOOK OUT KILLERS, THIEVES, WHITE COLLAR CRIMINALS, ETC. ETC. HERE COMES THE SPIDER-MAN
So what was that red and blue guy yelling?
I dunno. Something about Cider?
Think it's safe to arrest the guy?
Yeah. I guess?
THE END
That's it for this week. Next week The Kingpin makes his first appearance in Marvel animation history and Peter goes to the Bugle to get a job.
Hope you have a nice rest of your weekend and thank you for the watch
>>94771581
Bravo,
a true masterpiece.
I now have more spiderman reaction images than I can even handle.
Thanks OP, you're a national treasure
>>94771648
>>94773736
You're very welcome
Dunno if it was because it was an origin story episode, but this week was pretty weak.
>>94775117
I think he's just a lot better when the story isn't set and he can play it fast and loose
bumpan 4 oc
>>94775117
it's an origin story so theres little chance to improvise the situation like he normally does
i give todays story a 7.75/10
>>9477777
A C! I'm average! YES
Have a bump, I'll read it in the morning.
>>94767284
We're going full Ditko-era, huh