Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

>>94180441
who made you think that? also:

>Valerian
>original idea
lol

It was based on a comic book?

>>94180441
People just don't get Kino.

>>94180441

When did we EVER say that?

Hell, I had really low expectations for it considering I don't like Luc Besson's movies at all. I wound up being entertained, even if the movie's not that great as a whole.

>>94180504
>>94180518
Original idea doesn't mean it can't be based off a graphic novel, you plebs

>>94180441
The writing was bad; almost all the dialogue was terrible, and their was both unnecessary and missing exposition. Plus, the Dane Dehaan's acting was mostly awful. I was willing to give a pass to Cara Delevingne's no nonsense performance, but it felt pretty flat after two hours.

That said, the heist scene in the transdimensional bazaar was a great idea.

>>94180441
Dane Dehaan can't act and kept doing a Keanu impression throughout the movie. He's also ugly.
Cara Delevingne can't act and isn't pretty.

The CGI looked like something from a Mass Effect game (as did the costumes and designs).

The story was all over the place and the CGI action dull.

It was S-H-I-T

>>94180562
Of course that's what it means.

>>94180739
>implying
Original idea=/= New IP

Valerian tried to things never done before and was punished for not being brainless drool like Spider-Man Homecoming or Wonder Woman.

Now Valerian may not get a sequel. Meanwhile Thor 3 and JL will make get made and make people dumber...

>>94180852
>Valerian tried to things never done before
Such as?

It's okay, the bandes dessinees cinematic universe got a rocky start, but Achille Talon and Spirou: Origins are going to be pure kino.

>>94180441
Well, I thought it was going to be mediocre considering Besson hasn't made a good movie in nearly 20 years, turns out I was right.

>>94180867
The interesting characters, the flawless acting, the realistic romance, the outstanding visuals, the breathtaking score, the original story, the outstanding action. I could go on and on.

>>94181012
Have you not seen the kino Lucy?

Proof that Indieshit and Eurotrash is garbage

>>94181127
Lucy was shit. Also
>kino
Your opinion means nothing to me now.

>>94180441
Too bad the cast and script were such fucking garbage.

No wonder he had to go to China for funding, anyone else would call this flop a mile away.

It's been a while since I completely regretted paying money to see a movie.

>>94180441
this was always going to be a cult classic. Do you think Fifth Element was anything other than a cult classic? It bombed as well

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I want to fuck a K-Tron.

>I'm a soldier. I play by the rules.
Did nobody think to question this completely retarded, out-of-nowhere line?

>>94181171
Lucy was one of the best movies of the decade.
Also
>being too dumb to know what Kino means

>>94180441
>I thought Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets was suppose to save comic book movies? I thought it was suppose to beat retarded capeshit like Spider-Man Homecoming or Wonder Woman?!!! What happened?

Nobody ever said that apart from faggots false flagging on /tv/ to feed the "/tv/ is always wrong" meme

>>94181244
Fifth Element didn't bomb.

You may have just understandably assumed that, but it did fine.

>>94181279
It wasn't "retarded" or "out-of-nowhere" you're just too stupid to understand it.

>>94180441
>the American Military Industrial Complex was the real villain the whole time

No thank you.

>>94181100
Basically nothing that was in the film save for the visuals?

The movie was just your standard case of "foreign studio apes Hollywood, pegs the worst aspects of it" and it really did the property injustice.

>>94181100
Ah, you're trolling.

>>94180441
The setting was neat. It felt like I was watching The Fifth Element again. Everything else was bad.

>>94181100
The interesting characters, the flawless acting, the realistic romance, the outstanding visuals, the breathtaking score, the original story, the outstanding action.
It had literally none of these.
And even if it did, superlative != original.

>>94181100
>interesting characters
>flawless acting
>realistic romance
>outstanding visuals
>breathtaking score
>outstanding action.
>all these things have never been done before
I can't imagine the level of shit you consume regularly to think all this had never been done before

Never stood a chance

>Not Disney
>Not Nostalgic
>Not capeshit

>>94181335
It was from the French comic, man. Take 30 seconds from being afraid of liberals and realize the themes predate modern ideas.

>>94181293
Yeah, sure. It was probably one of the dumbest films I've seen.
>>being too dumb to know what Kino means
I know what it means, just if someone who says it unironically, I can't really trust their opinion.

>>94181305
Everyone said it. Literally everyone on /co/ thought Valerian would be the chosen one to be shitty dumb films like Wonder Woman and Spider-Man Homecuming. It was suppose to bring in a new age of original movie and kill the Capeshit beast. And yet the public and critics let it die. They caused this movie to bomb. They failed art.

>>94180518
So was "Blue is the Warmest Color".

>>94181449
>Literally everyone on /co/ thought Valerian would be the chosen one to be shitty dumb films like Wonder Woman and Spider-Man Homecuming.
>[citation fucking needed]
I don't remember any of this.

Something that frustrated me was how Valerian was never in any physical danger.

No matter what was trying to kill him, he was extremely aware that he was going to be fine.

Armed guards? No problem.
Huge monster? I'll casually let a bunch of guys (who might also work for the government?) die as I escape in my magical space ship.
Dozens of pissed aliens? Slice through them like butter.
Squad of murder robots? One-shot them all without getting a scratch.

>>94181413
>No Apes

>>94181331
Hold up, this is a common Snyderfag tactic. He never suggested the line was confusing or hard to understand, yet your only defense of it is "you don't get it".

>>94181413
>Not good

>>94180441
So I liked it, but I have to admit I only liked it because it hits my sweet spot for Space Sci-fi and also I lust for both leads

Its plot was all over the place, making a lot of elements seem contrived. The MCs randomly kill people. Somehow someone able to fight her way out of a guard mission get captured and kept in a wimpy wooden cage.

It has aesthetic going for it, but not writing. And while I like Dane's acting, its easy to see how people would view it as wooden.

I was so fucking angry the entire film and I couldnt stop laughing.

It was so bad I couldn't stop discussing it for like a whole day.

>>94181475
So it's Lucy: in Space?

>>94181539
Wouldn't know, I never saw Lucy.

The moronic premise kept me away.

>>94181502
It's not my fault you are too stupid to get the line.

I understood it. Just like I understood Eraserhead when I was six-years old. Tell me, are you dumber than a six-year-old?

I liked the part where the Mary Sue alien savages managed to survive a planet exploding and reverse engineer a human star ship.

More than anything else Dunkirk happened

theaters added extra showings of Dunkirk at the expense of Valerian showings

>>94181700
>Mary Sue
Go away, /pol/

>>94181700
All without starving.
And how one of the magical pooping aliens also somehow survived, but not with them.
OR
How the magical pooping aliens were not exclusive to that one planet somehow, but coincidentally there's only one left.
And how they killed a TON of people by launch their ship with a planet in it (?) right through the densely populated station.
And how did John Goodmalien know what that fucking pearl was?

>>94180441
Isn't that what swords are made of in Game of Thrones?

>>94180518
>>94181469
So was Snowpiercer.

>based on a comic book that everyone's read
>original idea

>>94181127
>dude, people use 10% of their brains, lmao

>>94181907
so was The Crow, not that you'd know if from all the changes they made

>>94180441
It was a shit movie, that's what happened. It had the potential to be great and maybe do all of those things, but Besson blew it. Oh boy did he blow it.

It's a shame because Valerian and Laureline deserved better.

>>94181915
See>>94180562

>>94181850
it's also a herb that sends you to sleep

>>94180441
Doesn't this rating mean it's a toss up movie? Might like it? Might not? That doesn't sound that bad.

>>94180441
I tend not to trust rottentomatoes. Critics there just follow the trends that Hollywood marks for them.

>>94180712
>>94180715
>>94181971

Well, fuck. Only blockbuster I was hyped for this year and turns out to be shit. Damn you, Besson.

>>94181439
>Published in 1967
>Eisenhower made his Military Industrial Complex speech in 1961

>>94182027
It might be ok if you go see it just for the crazy action set pieces and cg visuals and don't care about story

>>94182027
It should have a higher score than Spider-Man Homevoming, Wonder Woman, and Captain Underpants. It deserves it for trying to bring some culture to cinema.

>First I heard of this IP and movie was on an /a/ thread last week
>Saw a billboard for it when I went to see Dunkirk yesterday
>Now I'm hearing it's /co/ related though I've never seen it mentioned on /co/ before
I feel like an old man learning about Lady Gaga for the first time.
So what's the deal with all this? From the billboard I saw it kind of looks like Jupiter Ascending.

>>94181471

Of course you don't remember. It's a complete fucking lie

>>94182088
it's not high culture just because it's French, anon; all movies are culture, even if it's not one you enjoy

UW1 would make a great, if slow and cerebral, sci-fi movie, but I'm not going to claim it's high art, it's just a beautifully-detailed, considered sci-fi story in the vein of the harder-sci tastes of the past

it's not better or worse at that because it's French, and neither is Valerian a better Star Wars because someone with a higher chance of finding baguettes and table wine in their kitchen wrote it

>>94181591
What is there to "get" about the line that everyone else is missing? Go ahead and tell us kid.

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>>94182268
More like 95% of 4chan are young and don't know about The Rolling Stones. This was a comic that actually influenced George Lucas while making Star Wars.

Valerian and Laureline isn't obscure in Europe in any shape or form, it's only a notch less popular than something like Asterix or Lucky Luke but I guess /co/ is not that much into eurocomics that were the most hip in the 80's and earlier.

>>94181964
The Crow is the best comic book movie ever made. Still to this point nothing has beaten it

>>94181591
Kek, why would you watch Eraserhead at six years old? In fact, I'm intrigued at how you CAN understand Eraserhead at six years old?

>>94182410
If I tried to explain it to you, it would just go in one ear and out the other.

Just go back to watching low-brow drivel like Guardians of the Galaxy.

>>94182568
>I'm intrigued at how you CAN understand Eraserhead at six years old?
Then you are literally dumber than a six-year-old. Any six-year-old that isn't retarded or raised by retards could understand it.

>>94182614
Well, explain it anyway, I'm a different anon and I'd like to hear.

>>94182703
Okay then, you still haven't told me how you were able to understand it at six years old though.

>>94182614
>I-I'd try to explain but there's no point!
kek, just like the Snyderfags.
>>94182715
He literally can't explain anything, he's backed into a corner and all he can do is lob petty insults like a 6 year old, ironically enough.

>>94181279
Yeah but only because he said it right after knocking out his own commanding officer by fucking punching him in the face.

But honestly it was Laureline's tirade about "love" that was the cringeworthy bit.

>we'll never get a good space opera where humans aren't the center of everything

>>94182433

it was never popular. the story was never finished as whole until 90'ns. also in time when it came out there were more epic shit going around in Europe.

the biggest enemy of francophile comics is that they need decades to finish stories and people just foget what it is about with a time. the only shit with scifi i remember is langfuest and trolls of troy. which is thanks to the autor puting his time hard into the development american or asian way.

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>>94181376
That's because The Fifth Element was Luc Besson's Valerian fanfiction.

This is his passion project from when he was a teenager, when does that ever turn out well?

>>94181700
How did that StarShip survive the planet's explosion?

>>94182943
I love passion projects, they rarely work out as great stories but they are always interesting and usually worth seeing. When I watch a passion project I don't approach it as a blockbuster, I go in and look at the small details. Which is what I will do with this movie, I haven't seen it or spider-man yet but this is the movie I would rather give money too

>>94181100
AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH

The biggest negative for me is that the script clearly expected Valerian and Lauraline to have MulderXScully levels of sexual tension and the the actors just didn't have that kind of chemistry. I mean, they did an OK job acting but for the plot to work the movie has to sell the audience that these two people can't keep their fucking hands off each other and that spark was missing.

But oh my god the visuals were amazing. The aliens, the costumes, the different weird biospheres. It was like watching the Mos Eisley cantina scene for two hours straight and I do not regret buying a ticket. Though I'm not surprised it bombed either.

>>94182268
>it kind of looks like Jupiter Ascending.
That's a pretty fair assessment actually.

>>94180441
I can't believe anyone was excited r thought it'd be good, it looked fucking awful from the very first trailer

>>94180441
I knew when I first saw the trailer. It looked like the CGIfest that got the SW prequels so much hate.

>>94183086
It looked fine.

>>94183148
It looked like every other generic sci fi film mixed with every generic YA film

>>94180441
For a movie about two lovers, they felt more like siblings/cousins.

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When did you notice that it was bad?

>>94182473
The "Street Fighter" movie may as well have been based on a comic book.

Actually, did the Street Fighter movie ever get a comic book adaptation?

>>94181100
This is pure bait.

>>94183228
When the blue alien prostitute died. Why kill off the best character? So lame.

>>94183206
cause every sci fi film was based on it or other euro sci fi comics.

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>>94183234

>>94182829
Because their CO committed treason. But they had been ordered by the Minister to get the Converter.

>>94183254
Rihanna was the worst actress in this. At least Cara tried to roll with the camp.

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>>94183228
when the "comedic" moment of valerian dropping into the home of the cute alien babby and his alien mommy

nothing wrong with the shinguz, just not sure why they randomly weren't called shinguz but some other made up name

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>>94181469
>>94181907
>>94181964

There are lots of movies based on one-shots, limited series or creator-owned content but nobody notices because even for comic fans: comics=super heroes.

>>94183083
> That's a pretty fair assessment actually.

I refuse to believe this movie is that bad.

>>94183399
It's somewhere in between Fifth Element and the most recent Journey to the Center of the Earth movie.

Unlike Jupiter Ascending it doesn't pretend to be very depth filled or have importance. Everyone in it knows it's style over substance.

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>>94183254
She was terrible anon.

>>94183467
Excuse me?

>>94183467
NOW LISTEN UP, HERE'S THE STORY

>>94183456
I'm ok with some movies being style over substance. Especially when it's just a passion project.

I mean, how does /co/ think of Holy Mountian? That's all style and the substance is....well, that's all up to the viewer.

>>94183539
The dialogue is terrible but it's really only there to service the scene rather than the other way around. It's basically filler so the audience has some semblance of a plot to put to the really well done set pieces.

And this is a huge passion project. To the point where Besson dedicates it to his dad in the last shot. Not even waiting for the credits to roll.

>>94183539
>Holy Mountain
El Topo is better. And Jodorowsky raped someone, with love, mind you, with love.

>>94183539
if you like fifth element, honestly, you'll probably like this one too at least a little bit

5th element was just as hollow and lacking in story, though it did have the saving grace of having bruce and milla's combined charisma carry the movie

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>>94183595
>To the point where Besson dedicates it to his dad in the last shot. Not even waiting for the credits to roll.
cool, I love weird movies

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>>94180518
>It was based on a comic book?
That says it all. No one knew the source material, and the movie did a poss poor job of inttoducing it. Most of the trailers and a good chunk of the film was going on the assumption you knew the comic and at least had a basic idea og what it was.

>>94183623
I say that if you liked the Fifth Element but also weren't annoyed by Ruby Rhod, you'll like this more as well.

I wouldn't say that Dane doesn't have a weird swagger to him, but Besson has him at the end of an unseen character arc and he isn't given much to do so as to sell it to the audience.

I totally bought him as a cocky piece of shit hero though.

>>94183642
Not sure what you think there needs to be explained, the comic is super generic space opera. All you need to know is that this dude and his girlfriend are space cops who go around doing missions for space cop central and the movie explains that well enough.

>>94183690
I felt like they were trying too hard to make him into some kind of a discount Han Solo. Valerian from the comics isn't enough of a character on his own?

Honestly, WHO was surprised this movie bombed?

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>>94183595

it is nothing wrong with dialogs.

the biggest mistake of Besson is that he did not made propaganda for his movie.

he made movie where people usually go with own families with.

there were just few teasers and "aside information".
the franchise and previews were horrible.
today people stopped to go to the movies just because "they have feeling it looks cool". father of 2-3 children and salary of chinese under-middle class will not waste his time and money on something what he has not watched from bad camera he pirated before. Besson made some wind with "we got original star wars" but that all. most of people went to Spiderman because they saw is HD on stream or propaganda in medias 24/7.

>>94183798
He's so much more of an asshole than Han Solo though. Which is where that falls flat for me.

It was more of a flat wall I could see it, but Valerian is a petty vain douche and I found that kinda fun at points. It gets old here and there.

>>94180441
Just until a couple of days ago I learned this was a /co/ adaptation. The trailer and cast make it look like another shitty plot from a hacky YA book.

>>94183847
Not saying the dialogue is why it did bad.

Just that the dialogue is bad in the movie. So stilted that it felt like a scanlation.

>>94182088
Stop.

>>94183888

the movie is still into pirated.

people literally has to read either the original comics or go and pay high price cinema tickets.

people literally know a shit about what is going on in this movie. just showing some cool 3d tricks in the teaser will not bring people to the cinemas anymore.

>>94183749
>the comic is super generic space opera
fuck off, it was the inspiration behind almost all space opera movies that came out after it.. Star Wars pulled heavily from it

>>94183983
>the movie is still not pirated.

god fucking shit captcha kills all text you type into 4chan.

>>94183749
>All you need to know is that this dude and his girlfriend are space cops who go around doing missions for space cop central and the movie explains that well enough.
And the trailers explained none of that. Even the trailers for Star Wars in the 70's were more informative.

>>94183990
How do these two statements contradict each other?

Not to mention you're factually wrong, Christin & Mezieres did not invent space opera, it's been around since at least the 1910's if not earlier, you would be better off crediting someone like Edgar Rice Burroughs for influencing nearly everyone who came after. Star Wars pulled from his Mars novels too along with a million other sources.

>>94184163
Did I say it invented the genre? no, I said it is the inspiration for all modern space operas. Learn to read faggot

>>94184220
Fine, fine.

How do these two statements contradict each other?

Not to mention you're factually wrong, Christin & Mezieres was not the inspiration for all modern space operas, it's been around since at least the 1910's if not earlier, you would be better off crediting someone like Edgar Rice Burroughs for influencing nearly everyone who came after. Star Wars pulled from his Mars novels too along with a million other sources.

>>94180441
Luc Besson is and always has been garbage.

I don't know what causes the mass delusion that 5th Element is an even tolerable movie, but it's nice to see the obvious play out.

>>94181317
>Budget: 93 mil
>Gross: 63 mil

Yes, it was a bomb. A complete fucking disaster of one.

>>94182703
Jesus, wank in your mouth more.

>>94181449
>Literally everyone on /co/ thought Valerian would be the chosen one

Nope.

>>94181449
Stop making shit up.

>>94181591

>tfw to intelligent for /co/

>>94180441
I blame Cara Delevigne.

POST EYEBROWS

>>94180441
White leads
The "Wait, this isn't Star Wars or GotG? Lame" normie reaction (I don't blame them honestly)
Trying to redeem after Lucy

Pick any of the above and there's your reason why.

>>94181100
>I could go on
please do. this is masterful stuff.

>>94180441
>I thought Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets was suppose to save comic book movies?
Nigga, LOOK at the main actors.

>>94180441
Well isn't that the question of the day.

>>94185170
I'll go brows for them now.

>>94180441
It was bad.
And if you didn't know it was going to be bad you must not have watched any of the trailers or seen anything about it.

>>94180441

>>94180441
they shouldn't have hired two of the most unlikable an unwatchable people in Hollywood for the lead roles.

>>94185158
this was actually her best performance, it was still mediocre, but it was nowhere near as bad as Mr. Isn't that the Question of the Day.

>>94185158
Her eyebrows do funny things to me.

I'm still going to go see it. Critics and normies always shit on new things, so they can keep going to Dunkirk's and Homecoming's while I enjoy movies I find fun instead of what "rave reviews" say are better. Case in point, I haven't watched a single movie that won an Oscar lately because they look boring as hell, but I enjoyed watching the King Arthur movie by Guy Richie

>>94180441

Valerian will be lucky to even reach $100 million at the box office.

http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=valerian.htm

>>94187138
Its just another John Carter dude, please don't waste your money.

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>>94181100

>>94180441
I really liked this movie, the second act was kind of sloppy and the Bubble character could be cut completely but it was still fun.

>>94187460
Not him, but John Carter was a fine movie.

>>94187791
see >>94187679

>>94182943
>When does that ever turn out well?
Lord of the Rings.

>>94180441
The guy who decided to schedule the release date should be blacklisted. Sabotaged from the start.