everyday I think about twisting and untangling these strings

>>94164124
It wer three in the mornin' when the damn trenchies struck. Most of the crew was sleepin in the hold after a rowdy ol' game a cards. I won a course. I always win when money is on the line.

I was havin' a dream. I was home, wit' me sweetheat, Neptune bless her soul. Tweren't no naughty dream, bucko. We were gettin' ice cream back at goo lagoon. Our relationship wasn't always easy. Back in those days people didn't always approve of hardshells and bigguns gettin' together. But right then we were at peace.

I remember that dream so well. She was reachin' down to kiss me when it ended. That was when the hull ripped open. I wasn't lookin' at me darlin' sea jewel, I was lookin' at me bunkmate Jeffrey. A good lad, not much younger than you are now. He was all over the floor, the ceiling, the walls. There were bits of his brain on me britches. The cannon had hit him straight on is it came through. Missed me by inches.

They say you never forget your first taste, Spongebob me boy. And when I stabbed me bayonet into that first damn trenchie that came through the breach, I knew it was true.

>>94164124
They bleed red. Same as any fish. For all those crooked teeth and shiny head baubles, the glowy bastards bleed red. I stood over him, this trenchie-this man-I'd killed, and I didn't feel triumphant. I didn't feel like I'd avenged Jeffrey. I didn't feel anything.

Course', that was just the start of the attack. Trenchies always start like that, blowin' holes to come through. And mine wasn't the only one. I heard yellin' and shootin' from the hall, and the adrenaline kicked in. I left Jeffrey and the Trenchie to rot and ran out of me bunk, wit' only me night clothes and me gun.

Twas' chaos me boy. Nothin' but chaos. Me mates and the trenchies packed the place, live and dead. I recognized a few of the dead faces. Others, I didn't have the time. We seemed to be winning, in this part of the ship at least.

I saved Old Jenkins with a lucky shot on the bastard about to bite down on him. Together, the rest of us fought our way though to the main deck. The Captain would know what to do.

>>94166505
Oh, the Captain. If you could of seen him lad! Part of me had thought all that fire was just bluster, somethin' to scare us recruits into line. But he had it boy, he had it. As he fought like he was the Dutchman himself, he had that fire. And just by lookin' at him blast one of them big-eyed monsters, you felt a bit of that fire in you.

Gone were me misgivins. It was them or me. I gave me war cry. It was a good one, if I don't' say meself. Even the captain heard it. He gave that hearty seaman laugh he had. I'd not been much in his eyes until now. But I felt he respected me now. It was better than any adrenaline.

I killed a lot of trenchies that night. By the end I was fighting side by side with the Captain. I was terrified, and yet more alive than I'd ever been. We were winning. We would live.

>>94166797
>>94166505
>>94166091
Did you make this up?

it's damn good.

>>94166797
I play those last couple of moments in me head every night. One moment the Captain was there, laughing like this was one of them amusement parks instead of a battle, the next he was on the ground, bleedin' out. That's how it is when you war, Spongebob. That's how it is when you war.

I managed to get the bastard who harpooned him while he was reloadin', and went down to save him. I kneeled down to try and take out the thing in his chest. Tried to help him. But he shook his head.

"It's over for me Krabs." He told me. He sounded so sad. "I knew it would happen one day." He tried to laugh again, but only coughed blood on me shirt. He grabbed my arm. "Krabs, boy." I looked into his eyes. Gone was the fire. Now there was fear, sorrow, and...compassion. "If you make it out of this. I want you to look after my boy." He coughed again. "Promise me..."

I promised him. He died in my arms. A third of the crew were gone. But we won. The war went on for another year, and I survived. Survived to see it end in Neptune-damned stalemate. Like we killed and died for nothing.

I never forgot my promise to Captain Tentacles.

>>94167012
And that's why we keep Squidward around.

>>94166505
>>94166091
>>94167012
You know what a crab fears most? More than getting smashed, more than anything? Davey Jones Locker. Getting locked up with all the socks you put away. You threaten a crab with that, you make him dangerous, and that's what I told him. I talked sense. No one was getting hurt. But if you go to the K.N., if you even look like you're going. He had a wife, a kid, responsibilities. Take the money. Do something good with it.

Well I tried. I tried. But he wouldn't listen. My boy was stubborn. My boy was strong. And he was gonna get himself killed. So I told him... I told him I did it, too. That I was like Squidward, getting by, and that's what you heard that night me talking him down, him kicking and screaming until the fight went out of him. He put me up on a pedestal, and I had to show him that I was down in the gutter with the rest of 'em.

>>94167012
i liked that.

>>94167005
Yes

>>94167105
I wouldn't normally think that Mr. Krabs telling war-stories could be good. But you proved me wrong, you made it good.

That's a lot more than my shitpost deserved.