Henching for Scarecrow

>>93895208
When you're laying in the streets of Gotham, with rain pouring down on your head, wishing you had something to eat, and then a guy comes by and offers you a job that pays good, i bet you'd say yes too.

I mean sure, the worms still come out of my hands every once in a while, but at least i got dinner.

>>93895454
Hey man, Wayne's charities would have covered for guys like you. I've done it, half of my extended family's done it. I don't know if Wayne would have approved of us going from his halfway homes to Riddler's gang, but it kept us away from guys like Scarecrow and Joker. Now all I do is help set up these dumb question mark puzzles around the city and build weird obstacle courses. The pay's decent and all I have to put up with is Riddler running his mouth whenever he gets bored. Cushy.

>>93895858
Not only that, but Riddler's set up electronic payments, so we get our cash even it the Bat busts him.

>>93895943
Hey, this seems like a pretty sweet gig. How can I join? Do I get to meet the Riddler himself?

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There are worse people to work for; in fact, he's really one of the better guys to work for.

He doesn't live in the sewer, has a reasonable idea of the cost of living, you're not taking orders from a hand-puppet or rubber chicken, and he doesn't make you wear animal suits or skimpy clothes that make you freeze your ass off. He's not handsy either but the only one that's really bad about that is Poison Ivy.

Generally speaking, he only tests his stuff on people that screw up or question him anyway; so long as you keep your mouth shut and do your job, you're fine.

>>93896028
Solve one of those questionmark puzzles lying around the city and you're in. If you can't, hope he recruits you when he needs more dumb muscle.

You probably will meet him in person, but his hygiene has degraded in the last few years. He's not as much fun as he used to be, either.

>>93896144
At least he's not like how he was in his earlier years.

You damn sure didn't want to be around him when he was beefing with the clown.

>>93896144
Yeah, I remember what happened to him the last time The Bat and him fought. I guess The Riddler really needs that cane now.

It shouldn't be too hard to solve one of his riddles. Thanks for the heads up! I'll tell him you sent me.

>>93895208
>There are other bosses in Gotham who won't use you in the fear toxin experiments, you know
Oh, you mean like the clown who'll gas you with his painful "laugh yourself to death toxin" for literally no reason other than MOM'S GONNA FREAK, even if you work for him ?
Or the other guy who literally flips a coin to decide whether he kills you or not ?
Or the other guy obsessed with hats and lolis who'll mind control you ?

Crane is a shit person and a shit boss but there are way worse people in Gotham to work for. At least Crane is marginally more sane than the rest (most of the time).
The best people in Gotham to work for are Penguin, Riddler and Moth

>>93896083
Fuck that shit, I'm not getting fear gassed because tuesday is the random night that the Bat just so happens to crash Scarecrow's party, and obviously I can't 1v1 the guy so things go sideways.

Fuck you. The good doctor cured my arachnophobia and my acrophobia.
Unfortunately, I gained three new phobias.

>>93896226
Why? The worst he'd ever do was stick a particularly idiotic hench in one of his deathtraps for being extra stupid. If you're on our supersecret minion message board you can't be that dumb.

>>93896256
>Thanks for the heads up! I'll tell him you sent me.

Oh yeah, namefag, just tell him Anonymous sent you. He'll have a special mask for you.

>>93896259
Penguin pays great, but holds grudges. Beware!

>>93896259
Moth is a shitty boss 'cause he never scores.

>>93896322
Which ones?

Chiroptophobia?

>>93896364
I'm a thug in Gotham, I already have that.
>>93896259
Why do I get the impression that Moth would be a total bro to work for?

I fucked Poison Ivy and lived.

Ask me anything

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Look at these fags running around with criminals! You guys should join me at LexCorp. He pays top dollar AND you get dental! For some reason, it's company policy to flip off that flying guy in a cape when he passes by, but you get used to it.

>>93896471
Will you have to pay child support in the event that any of her weird plants can be proven to have your genetic material in them?

>>93896471
Ill take "Things that never happened" for 400, Jack.

>>93896471
Er, I have some bad news for you bro...
Clayface has been going through some things and

well

He's been going around transformed into Poison Ivy fucking goons left right and center.

Not only did you (almost certainly) just fuck Clayface, but by now he's pretty much a walking mass of mixed up gotham criminal society semen.

>>93896471
How itchy is your dick?
I don't believe you.
>>93896506
Don't listen to this guy. Lexcorp is fucking fantastic if you're in the STEM fields.
But say you apply for a security position, suddenly you get outfitted with retarded cybernetics that you'll have for the rest of your life.
Arm cannons are cool and all, but I almost blew my dick off last week.

>>93896471
Get back to work Harley.

>>93895208

Mostly he has me haul around gas canisters, move "patients", and make sure the camera's work. Pay is decent and the only real downside is every now and then I find my self in an endless ocean with tHe knowledge that something predatory stalks the water searching for me and the uniforms usually itch.

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>>93896307
>obviously I can't 1v1 the guy so things go sideways.

Not with that attitude you won't.

>>93896545
you just gotta get on her good side
>>93896522
>implying I'd pay child support anyway
>>93896604
>dick

>>93896622
Is it true that Joker passes Harley around his henchmen? Asking for a friend.

>>93896604
>>93896506

My cousin works for the metropolis coroner's office and he said every know and then they get a fucking shipment of bodies from Lex Corp in the worst condition. Always labeled "work accident".

>>93896506
Yeah I knew a guy who volunteered for one of the programs and now he's got a kryptonite dick and 20 years for attempted rape if I were you I'd stay the fuck away for lexcopr luthor has a really weird hate boner for Supes

>>93896826
Harley, would Mr. J approve of you fucking Pamela?

I henched for every one of these "supervillains" in Gotham, ask me anything

>>93896928
Which one is secretly the nicest person?

>>93896028
>>93896256
DO NOT TRUST MATCHES MALONE HE IS AN INFORMANT FOR THE GCPD AND SNITCHES TO THE BAT

Henching for Cobblepot is sketchy as hell. Only get half your pay unless you bet it against the house; you never come out ahead. We get free drinks though, and the girls are easy on the eyes.

>>93896863
Kek

>>93896958
Riddler

>>93896863
How does crime even still happen in Metropolis? Doesn't Supes show up at the speed of light to throw you in jail 1ms after you've started the job? Who's insane to try stuff with a guy like that around?

>>93897055
How the hell does that pointy nosed midget get those kinds of ladies, anyways?

>>93897145
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON-7v4qnHP8

>>93897145
Deep pockets man. Deep pockets.

>>93897145

Excellent health insurance and that policy about betting money only applies to his male employees.

Yo I got a theory that'll blow you guys's minds.

'Batman' is just some character created by a private military contractor hired by the Joker. Think about it. He always lets the Joker live after the fucked up shit we've all seen him do, he goes after the other gangs in Gotham, fuck, you seen the car this motherfucker drives? Ex-military, for sure. Probably got links with Lexcorp.

Think about it. You ever worked for the clown? It's always the same. You're dumping toxic waste in silly string, or kidnapping some hotshot lawyer and holding him ransom, and lo and behold the Bat comes in and beats the shit out of you. How does he always know where the Joker is, huh?

Maybe the joke's on all of us, is what I'm saying. Maybe that's how that sick clown bastard really gets his kicks. Just some rich asshole in make-up hiring goons so he can watch them get beat up, get carted to Arkham where he oh-so-conveniently escapes.

I mean, come on, am I the only one who feels like I'm being played for a fuckin mook here?

>>93896828
Nah. Probably one of his rich fuckin gymnast girlies from college. He'd never lead workin stiffs like us get our fair share.

Shame, too. You ever met her? Great ass.

>>93896144
>Solve one of those questionmark puzzles
I fuckin' knew it would be this!

>>93897055
Hey at least the boss is professional and takes care of people that nearly die for him, remember the time Batman was trying to throw a batarang at the boss but Brutus tackled the Bat? Fuck's sake the thing bounced off the damn wall and would have gone through of the boss's eye.
I nearly died when it hit 1mm from my cartoid, Bat's panicked the fuck off and was knocked off, The Boss payed for my surgery and my hospital stay

>>93897224

Batman shows up like that for everybody though. That's just his thing.

>Wayne Industries maintains a monopoly over the electronic locking business in Gotham
>Batman can hack our doors whenever he wants
>Bruce Wayne pushed for legislation that mandated electronic trigger locks on all firearms sold in this country
>Batman can somehow jam our weapons whenever he wants
>Wayne Industries manufactures advanced all-terrain vehicle and weapon modifications for the military
>Batman constantly has the best prototype systems available
How come nobody's put the hit out on Wayne yet? He's obviously colluding with Batman. We need to silence him and put an end to Batman's supply chain, or get our hands on Wayne and make him tell us what he knows. Who's with me?

>>93895208
Penguin henchman here. I've had to go and pick up payments from a few of Scarecrow's sites, and he's usually pretty short staffed. Don't know if that's how it always operates, or he kills them all off and that's what left, I'm not sure. But it's never the same guys when I have to go back.
Cobblepot doesn't pay the highest, but it's still good and it's a steady income.

>>93897224
Nah, i henched for Joker and he tortured the last person that asked that question, turns out Joker doesn't wear make at all and he hates PMCs

>>93897341
Scarecrow has a hair trigger and will use his Fear Toxin or experiment on his henchman for the slightest mistake, the ones that last however are good at their jobs

>>93897224
>am I the only one who feels like I'm being played for a fuckin mook here?

We ARE mooks, buddy.

>>93897143
I heard one those rich people in one those corporations over there is heavily invested in criminal activities

>>93897145
He is a professional and treats then well

>>93897299
And what's with the kids at his place? He's a bachelor, isn't he? But he has a rotating stock of boys around... I'm starting to think he might be up to something funny. Could Bruce Wayne be doing human trafficking? Or is he a customer?

>>93897358
Does Joker know that he's a cuck whose gf left him for another woman?

>>93897462
Mooks are the lowest on the chain of command, if you get a set of skills and manage to get on the bosses good sides they tend to trust you a little more

>>93897518
You would believe what i found one time under Wayne Manor

>>93895208
Somehow he's still tenured and accepting grad students. A good number of us are just trying to finish our residency.

>>93897546
*Would not

>>93897569
>looking for a child sex slave ring in the basement of a Wayne Manor with no basement

>>93897599
for >>93897569

>>93897143
We'll to tell the truth I'm 90% sure lex luthor secretly insane and fucking hates Superman even though he's chilled out recently the guy would probably give up eternal happiness just to get him that and a lot of the yhreats here target Superman specifications

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>>93897569
Oh yeah? What was it?

>>93897518
GTFO /pol/. We won't fall for your pizzagate bullshit again.

>>93897632
Hey aren't you a snitch? I thought i saw you work with GCPD and the Bat too.

>>93897569
Stfu you nutjob, what the hell would be under some rich bachelor's mansion? A survival shelter? A bunch of pipes? A giant penny and a T-Rex?
You should stop drinking so much during the day, it's making you loopy.

>>93897611
Nah i was looking for that, also old maps of the Manor showed a natural formed cave there a certain distance under it so i got curious, turns out Wayne fooled everyone!

Just found a spare Batarang the other day. Guess the Bat must have forgotten to pick one up after he threw it. What do I do with it?

>Being a pussy
Working for Scarecrow is like the world's greatest horror movie/haunted house

>>93897683
Nah are you fucking crazy? I found a cave and some tech

>>93897732
Put it back right now unless you want the Bat to go apeshit on you

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>work for Riddler during Scarecrows takeover of Gotham with that guy who was clearly Jason Todd
>entire city basically deserted and the Bat is distracted
>ask the boss how were gonna get in on this action
>hands me blue prints for a gigantic underground racetrack
I still dont know how any of this is considered a riddle.

>>93897729
>>93897767
I meant Batman fooled us all, i don't know why i said Wayne.
Batman hid his base of operations were no one would look, a cave under Wayne Manor! Don't know if Wayne is financing the Bat or if he doesn't know

>>93897767
There's a tech-filled cave under some rich boy bachelor's mansion? Come on, this is BRUCE WAYNE we're talking about!

>>93897829
Fuck, you tried to kill me once! Here to finish the job?

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>>93897669
I was there just to prove i had nothin to do with that robbery on 34th street, ya schmuck.

I ain't no rat, and i don't work with no Bat, ya hear?

My boss called me a traitor and was gonna shoot me, but he also suddenly trembled and told himself to just let me go.
Never work for a ventriloquist, shit's weird. His gang had the best thug friends i've ever made though, pretty comfy mafia family.

>>93897872
Wayne probably doesn't know but the Bat hid his homebase under his house, i fucking saw the bat logos and the bat equipment!

well consider who your cohenchers will be.

>Joker: xX_DaRkWoLf_ChAoS_666_Xx
>Riddler: either smug anime girls or guys with an IQ lower than their BMI
>Penguin: Ancap bird fetishists
>Freeze: HAHAHAHA
>Catwoman: MUH WAIFU
>Harley: as Joker but with added MUH WAIFU

Two-Face and Scarecrow are the exception, though Two-Face's are kinda schizo and constant exposure to can give you sleep problems.

plus, he's more predictable than Joker or Riddler, and while he's crazier than, say, Penguin, he's also not (usually) just out for profit so he's less likely to just turn you over and get away.

and that randomly using people as guinea pigs thing doesn't happen. he only uses you if you piss him off, but as long as you talk like a mild edgelord around him, it's fine.

>>93897887
Ya calling ME a schmuck? Fucking hell, i hear you but i tought you were more professional than that

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HAVE NONE OF YOU BEEN FOLLOWING TWITTER?!???
The news dropped just a few minutes ago!

>>93897837
>Riddle me this: Can that car do loop-the-loops? Let's find out!

>>93898068
Really? Believing the guy that is going crazy?

>>93897936
So the rich kid is a fuckin' fanboy for a cape, so what.

I'm told Lex Luthor got a Superman costume that he gets his assistant to jerk him off in. Now that shit funny.

>>93898068
And Superman is a journalist i bet!
Give me a fucking break, he should learn some real shitposting.

>>93897940
>Freeze: HAHAHAHA
And just what's so funny about Freeze's Henchmen?

>>93897984
You're right, where are my manners?

>>93898068
That's clearly a joke, man.

>>93898124
Isn't that kinda illegal? I mean funing a vigilante

>>93897891
Same shit happened to me, the old man is fucking nuts, not to mention literally autistic.

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>>93898175
>>93898143
>>93898123
TWEETED JUST NOW! CONFIRMED!

>>93898148
Freeze rarely ever commits big heists for profit and his work is inconsistent.

>>93898175
Alright it's okay, turns out Bruce Wayne might be funding the Bat, i saw the Bat's home base under Wayne Manor

>>93898068
Fake news, Superman doesn't have a twitter.

>>93898225
Well shit, i don't what to say... If the Potus himself confirmed that it's more believable than the MSM

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>>93897299
>not jailbreaking your gun
Niggah did you even play MGS4, we all know where this ends

>>93898148
have you seen the attrition rates due to frostbite? he puts more people out of comission than fucking Joker just from equipment transportation alone. he doesn't kill them, sure, but how's your career prospects with seven missing fingers?

I hate that I share this website with poverty stricken plebians that resort to henching.

>>93898148
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxi0RWEx94Y

>>93898253
Why wouldn't he? It's 2017

>>93898190
>Isn't that kinda illegal
Motherfucker this is Gotham there's not a single clean stooge on these streets and you and I's both know it

>>93898253
>>93898068
Seriously. Do people seriously think Supes has time to tweet? He's busy saving everyone he can. I swear I hate these role play accounts that pretend to be prominent figures, because there's always SOMEONE who falls for it.

>>93898326
Eh you forgot about Commissioner Gordon?

>>93898124

I can confirm Joker has on at least one occasion dressed Harley Quinn up as Batman.

Not Batgirl, either. Batman.

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>>93898238
When did you find this out?

You work for Wayne or somethin?

>>93898331
>Forgetting Superman super speed

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>>93898068
>>93898225
AND THERE WAS MORE!!

>>93898381
Don't let the Clown find out you know

>>93898415
Well, if the Man of Steel says it...

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HEY! How come none of you nimrods ever want to come and hench for me? I'm in good spirit, always smilin' and stuff.
Is it the sewer smell? Some guys I had a while back said the sewer smell clings to me. I had to eat those mooks as a show of dominance, but it did make me wonder...

I saw Commissioner Gordon at a grocery store in Gotham yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to do what needs to be done,” and then turned around and winked at me. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by telling her Batman needs to rape the Joker really loudly.

>>93898527
you never do heists. all you do is hang around with homeless people.

What's the most gruesome way you've ever seen the Clown execute one of his own henchmen, and why did he do it?

>>93898387
Was looking at old maps of Gothams (I made copies and sent them far away to people i trust elsewhere on the planet) and there was something that don't show up on current map: A natural cave. I prepared myself and went there, got almost killed by traps set by the occupant of the cave, turns out Wayne or Batman had work done there, it was filled with Batmam tech and equipment. I never said it anyone but to people here and i won't speak of it again, the Bat almost killed me once and i don't want him to complete the job.

Truth be told, I'd rather work for Scarecrow then Mad Hatter. I mean, there's something real fun about holdin up a joint dress like Tweedle Dee, but things get a little . . . uncomfortable when he starts looking for a new "Alice". I'm not much of a softie, but I was kinda relived to see the Bat stop us last time.

I don't know, I'm thinking about running in with Bane, y'know, give me shit life just a dose of honor or somethin.

>>93898527
And get eaten? Fuck that shit.

>>93898616
You mean the Mercenary? The Masked Man?

>>93898527
Hey it's more that you need to do more heists and find a place the Bat won't look for you.

>>93898527
If I work for you, do we get to have sex?

>>93898583
Peeled the guy skin after tearing every bodyhair off then chopping him bits by bits while the poor fucker was alive.
You do NOT try to rape Harley and take Joker place.

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>>93898562
They always have some hooch handy. Plus they also smell like the sewer, so they don't complain all that much.
I'd do more heists if that stupid Bat would find somewhere else to be for the night.
>>93898641
All ya have to do is not be a dick.
>>93898685
I gotta stay wet, it's not my fault that the Batman knows all the best spots for me to keep moist.
>>93898703
I ain't Poison Ivy, but I'll give you the same guarantee you'll get by sticking it in her: You won't live through it.

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>>93898527
If you would just fucking open a PMC and offer special training and operation support for jungle environments you'd make infinite cash. YOu know what teh Vietcong would be afraid of? YOU swimming through a rice field. Literally velocirapors in the long grass.

Call your outfit, I dunno, Panzerechse. German for armored lizard. Sounds militaristic and cool as fuck.

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>>93898596
...

Nah, you sound crazy as hell, i don't believe it.

>>93898331
>>93898395
What the fuck would that big blue boyscout tweet about though?

woohoo look at me and my faggot cape I'm gonna fly to my big space buttplug to get railed in the ass by green lantern for 4 hours straight while the Flash jerks off from a closet

come on, everyone knows the Watchtower is the biggest gay club this side of Star City

>>93898616
Yet i stopped henching for Hatter Fast, he can be way too creepy and trying to make an Alice of my cousin was not cool

>>93898751
Do you know any cute crocodile grills? Preferably someone I could introduce to the folks.

>>93898751
Why not try that ruin near Gotham? It gots connection to water and the Bat doesn't go there? I know someone i can persuade to transport you in a big, opaque water container

>>93895208
I'm fairly certain that roleplaying is against the rules you fanfiction reading faggot. Go roleplay on tumblr.

>>93898751
>You won't live through it.
Oh. Why's that?

>>93895208
So we all agree that Scarecrow is the worst A or B lister Batman villain right?

Hush is the only one I can think of that's worse than him, but even Hush hasn't appeared in many other media and he at least has those stories Dini wrote.

>>93898616
I've heard he's a big guy.

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>>93898774
Huh... now that you mention it, it does seem like the urban jungle ain't the best fit for someone of my stature. Might make more sense to head out to the jungle... maybe even see if King Shark wants to make it a duo.
>>93898836
That's actually the question I wind up asking most of the guys I work with.
>>93898873
I ain't tried there, but I'll sniff it out next time I'm looking for a joint. There was this one fountain I tried, but it was built on top of all this shit and it broke and I wound up down in the Court of Owls. Those guys are totally messed up.
>>93898883
I tend to bite down real hard when I am close to achieving release. Plus it shoots out like a fire hose, so you'd either swell and explode or it would just tear through your insides and fire out your mouth.

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>>93898792
I got the proof!

>>93898794
>Forgetting the female superheroes there

>>93898921
Scarecrow has the potential to play really nicely off of Batman because they both use the "fear" gimmick only Scarecrow uses his powers for evil, while Batman uses it for good.

>>93897936
I think he knows. He sent his bloody butler to bring bats a sandwich. Can't remember much after that. Robin dropped on me and I woke up in a hospital bed with a broken jaw, arm, and three ribs. Bats needs to get that kid into a therapist.

>>93895208
It's like our low point man. I used to hench for Riddler but I couldn't understand his directions and got fired after I fucked up a few times.

Now even the Joker won't hire me. Scarecrow is all I've got left with my resume. Fuck, I should have listened to my cousin and henched in Metropolis. I hear villains offer insurance plans over there.

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>>93898616
>tfw henched for the Hatter back when he was new to the game
>dude just operated out of his own house dressed in some tacky homemade cosplay, should have taken that as a warning sign
>the fucker ended up mind controlling me into being his hired muscle for free, I don't think he even realized I was still conscious the whole time since I couldn't speak up about it
>I've_seen_some_shit.gif
>Batman eventually comes along and fucks my shit up, not knowing that I was completely unable to surrender by my own free will, and he ended up stealing the headpiece that was controlling me
>ended up getting hauled into Arkham for dressing up in some faggy Walrus fursuit and kidnapping little blonde girls, since there was no evidence left behind that I was brainwashed into doing it
>got blacklisted from every entry-level job I applied to after I got out, ended up having to hench full-time just to get my next meal
>gf left me since she became convinced I was some filthy degenerate pedo living a double life
>tfw I'm starting work with the fucking Joker next week because my hench resume is so shit
I hate that manlet faggot so god damn much. Avoid henching for him at all costs.

>>93899195
How long ago?

>>93899052
All the female superheroes are property of the Bat last I heard

>>93898794
Probably stuff he and his kid are doing.

>>93899280
Why don't you just kill him? Maybe the Joker would think it's funny.

>>93899008
First off, that's an image I really didn't need. Second off, you should do it. Hell I bet you and Shark could do a major face turn and be a ahem "Jawsome" duo. Heh, he, I'll get my coat.

>>93899321
That asking the Bat to beat you up, Batman doesn't tolerate killing

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Hey gents, I'm not looking for more henchmen (Trust me, I'll find you), but I do have a quick question: Am I the Joker?

>>93899422
Depends on what time period you are from

>>93899415
Yeah but think about how good it would look on your Henching resume if you could say that you went out and killed somebody even though the Bat was trying to stop you

Any of you guys ever work for baby doll?
If so how was it and how do I get in?

>>93899289
About two months ago. I think, I was out for awhile.

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>>93899422
Maybe one of them, but there's three so...

>>93899459
It could also be seen as a precedent for killing employers (in this this case an ex-employer), all i'm saying is the Clown is unpredictable and could also get the wrong idea

>>93899462
I thought she stopped after that time she worked with Croc?

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I was recently unthawed out of some ridiculous Thule organization cryogenic freezer (the cunts tied me up and kicked me into it when I was distracted with eating my lunch) and tossed on the street for being the sole surviving member of the Wehrmacht in the year 2020. This century is fucking retarded! I still have my machine gun and 500 rounds of ammo. Job recommendations?

>>93899613
That's just how it is with the Clown, anon. Do something unpredictable like that, and make it a joke. Sometimes he likes the joke and you make it big. Sometimes he doesn't and you die horribly. You go nowhere in Joker's outfit without taking some risks. Just practice your delivery and try to match his tastes.

>>93899463
I might be crazy but doesn't the latest Robin look like Bruce Wayne son?

>>93899711
He looks like a guy with a mask, the fuck are you talking about?

>>93899790
Oh so it's no longer the young short one that look a bit like Damian Wayne?

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>>93899462
Last I heard, she got out of crimes and became a big shot adult entertainment mogul. Strip clubs, brothels, pornos; the works.

You trying to break into that field?

>>93899850
Who?

>>93899639
Aw shit, I was hopeing I could get close to that Mariam girl

>>93899907
Bruce Wayne biological son?

>>93899711
I guess he kinda looks like him. Like I said he dropped on and I was out. Funnily enough I was under the big T-Rex when it happened.

>>93899856
Legal kiddie porn? GO GOTHAM!

>>93900112
Fuck, how long until Batman find out? I'm not okay with that kind of porn so i'll avoid being there when he show up, i got a reputation to protect.

Hey anyone seen Match Malones? He left suddenly

>>93896828
Well, sort of. Sometimes he tells a henchman that he'll let them fuck Harley, but if they accept, he kills them. If they decline, he also kills them. It's part of how he runs such a successful nightclub.

>>93900287
What the way to not get killed if he ask that, i got away by making a joke about being an eunuch

I'm a professional Bat-snitch. Ask me anything.

>>93900447
Are Matches Malone and Batman the same person?
You know just sayin' they both have a similar build and facial structure

>>93895208
Eh the money is okay and he relatively okay with his henchmans

>>93900709
I dunno, but it's kinda convenient that Batman shows up after Malone ditches the crew. I keep telling the Bat about Matches but he says 'don't worry about him'.

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>>93900327
I really can't tell you that. You just need to improvise and blindside him with an amusingly unexpected response, and usually he'd be a bro about it and laugh it off with you - assuming you don't fall flat on the delivery though, I can't stress enough how important that is. Just about every conversation you'll ever have with him will basically be like a Kobayashi Maru for comedy; you need to learn to think outside the box if you want to get ahead or even survive Joker's gang. And even if you make it that far: just keep playing it cool, stay in your lane, and don't get too chummy with him. If you try establishing yourself as infallibly dependable, he might just kill you anyways just to intimidate the newbies, no matter how long you've ran with him.

t. Veteran Joker Goon

I don't even know why you guys are working as henchmen for them whackadoos when you can do "legitimate" business in Gotham anyway. I mean, take a lookit my mug. I work for Mister Falcone as an "Insurance Agent" offering businesses "insurance" against gang violence.

>>93900844
That's because matches knows when the jig is up. He's been in enough deals to sense trouble coming a mile away.

As far as the bat, that is a little suspicious.

>>93900969
I tried, turns out the family i worked was associated with the clown and one day he decided to hire me, tough getting work with "legitimate" businessman after that so eh.

>>93900944
I know, i used to hench for him and it wasn't easy. I quit that job after he betrayed me

>>93900844
Do you know where he went? I was taling to him earlier and then he just left after i showed him something

>>93901063
Smart guy, I guess. Still, I'm a rat and that's not a cool thing to do.

>>93901206
He went down an alley and then disappeared. Maybe he shimmied up a fire escape ladder? Still, he'd be one quick bastard to do that.

>>93900969
"Legitimate" businessman backstabbed so fuck 'em

Wgo should i hench for? I'm with Electronics and i can take a huge beating

>>93902199
*Who

>>93902199
Mabey Mr. Freeze, he clearly uses alot of hightech stuff and could use some help with maintenance and upkeep

how did you get into henching? who did you hench for first?

What do you guys think of the rumor that there are 3 jokers? Anyone who henched for him noticed any sudden changes in personality?

>>93906112
All the time, but that's par for the coarse really

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I come with this one offer, an opportunity which is wasted only by the foolish and the dead: JOIN ME! THE MIGHTY MONARCH!
Hench for the grand emperor of winged chaos as he wreaks havoc upon the pathetic and unsuspecting Rusty Venture.
All yourselves with me and I guarantee you that you will be lead down the path to glorious battle and ultimate victory. A path carved in blood and paved in the severed and minced remains of Dr. Venture and his entire family!
SPREAD YOUR WINGS AND TAKE TO THE SKIES WITH YOUR MASTER, THE MIGHTY MONARCH!
Besides, I bet the costumed jackasses you guys work for are total dicks.

>>93910034
i don't even watch TVB and I read it in his voice.

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>>93910252
Of course you did, because The Monarch speaks with a commanding and deathly tone which brings terror to my enemies and forces obedience on my minions. As the hooded shade of death looms ever closer, its hands hovered just slightly above your shoulder as it waits for your demise before dragging your soul into the fiery pits of Hell, know that it is the voice of The Monarch which determines whether your worthless bag of wet meat called a body winds up in a shallow and early grave!
JOIN ME! You and your fellow... comic book reading... internet hench guys, I guess. Whatever, JOIN ME! SERVE UNDER THE MIGHTY MONARCH AND TASTE THE SWEET FRUIT HARVESTED FROM THE GARDEN OF SIN!

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I'm hiring.

>>93897143
That's more of a Central/Keystone City thing. Unless you're a meta/super-outfitted yourself, there's nothing to catch with the Flashes nearby.

With Supes, you just wait till another giant alien drops by to wrestle with him before going for the job.

>>93896983
Come on anon, get real.

Henching for Freeze is a pretty chill gig, it's comfy as fuck, he's not completely insane in the head so he won't kill you for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING(Friend of mine laughed when Scarecrow was telling his plan, now he's so fucked from fear gas that he thinks everyone is laughing at him all the time) and his plans usually are really good and work
The pay is great too and he treats us like human beings, he may be a bit cold but he's the better option if you guys are looking to do henchman work in Gotham

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>>93897299
>>93895208
Reminder that Batman is a corporate project created and maintained by Wayne Enterprises. "Crimefighting" is a coverup, freaks are for the show, rival businesses are the true targets.

Batman attacks:
>Stagg Industries
>Falcone and Maroni businesses
>LexCorp subsidiaries
>GothCorp and other Boyle businesses

And NEVER Wayne Enterprises. As if a company that big and uncompromising would ever stay clean. Were Batman a truly independent crimefighter, he'd target Wayne's board first and foremost, instead of catching the small fish that threatens Wayne expansion with new projects and discoveries.

Spread the word: Batman is a corporate tool.

>moving to Hub City next week
Fuck you guys, you're on your own. No more Joker bullshit. No more Two-Face. No more Batman. Shit's gonna be great, no crazies

>>93911848
oh anon

>>93911861
Isn't Hub City just one of those fictional cities that are only ever mentioned in the comics to one day be wiped off the map by a supervillain?
Coast City?
That one that Nightwing was a cop in for a while... Broodhaven or something?
I think there was one near Metropolis at some point too.

>>93898362
>Comissioner
>Acts like a captain

Gordon is the dirtiest of them all.

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>>93898381
Oopsie doopsie! I remember every shmuck that's been in the hideout that night! Guess who's gonna die? >:)

MEOWTH, DAT'S RIGHT! EVERYBODY! :D

I TORTURE UUUU

>>93898527
Waylon my man, don't get me wrong, I loved working for you when you were just a brutha with an attitude, but now, with all that mutant shit on you... It's just ain't the same, man...

>>93898794
Luthor, pls.

>>93899415
He'd understand it if the Hatter ruined your life. Probably give you some kinda speech about how killing is not the answer, but whatever, under all that armor and aura of fear, Bats is just a big softie.

>>93899708
Third option: everybody laughs, the Joker is angry that you ended up funnier than he is, and kills you out of jealousy.

I actually landed one punch on the bat once. I see him and yell "it's da freaking bat" and wack him. I think it hurt me more than him, and afterwards he broke my arm in three places. I've lost some of the mobility in my arm, so can any recommend someone who doesn't mind a henchman with one functioning arm?

>>93899683
Chronos, obviously.

>>93900447
How much does the Bat pay?

Does he hire any new henchmen himself? I wouldn't mind working for the "good guys" if the pay is good.

>>93900944
>If you try establishing yourself as infallibly dependable, he might just kill you anyways just to intimidate the newbies, no matter how long you've ran with him.
Poor Bob, I'm still sad about it.

>>93905990
Usually Joker is entry-tier.

You get in touch with the Broker, say "I'll work for anybody, just not the Joker", he says all the big boss teams are full, but there's a new up and promising mobster Mr. Newman out here seeking talent.

>You agree to go and meet this Mr. Newman.
>It's just the Joker with a fake mustache

If you are lucky and it's just a heist, just run the fuck away when Batman/Nightwing/Whateverman shows up. Don't say a word to the Joker and play incredibly dumb if he tries his banter on you: one wrong word and you are dead.

If you survived the Joker, congratulations! Next time you go to the Broker, suddenly a few places will "open up" at Penguin's, Two-Face's, Mr. Freeze's...

The exception is the Riddler: it's just a bunch of odd jobs that you can do right of the bat.

>>93911216
But, Professor Zoom, sir, what do you require? You are so powerful and perfect, and invincible, what would you ever need us lowly henchmen for?

>>93912426
Two-Face will hire you if you also bring a guy with the OTHER arm broken to the interview.

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Best laugh of my life.

>>93895208

I heard the iceman Mister Freeze is pretty decent to work for. Too bad you need like seven phds to handle any of his cool shit though.

Also I "worked" for The Mad Hatter once. AMA

>>93912895
>Also I "worked" for The Mad Hatter once. AMA
Tell us more, Anon.

>>93912950

Well, I was outside of a restaurant, some place called "Dini's Diner" or some crap like that, and I was having a smoke, when I notice this creepy ratty looking hobo sipping something out of a thermos. Then I feel a hand on my shoulder, turn around and BAM! Big fucking dude with a rabbit mask on. Lights out. Have some really frickin weird dreams about Alice in Wonderland featuring Batman kicking my ass. Wake up about two weeks later in Arkham, find out I was brainwashed. They say they got most of the hypnotic tics out, but I still get all grovely and servile whenever I see a rabbit.

>>93896863
I understood that reference.

>>93899280
You tried talking to the Carpenter? You've got an 'in' via shared Hatter experiences and if you've any aptitude for putting stuff together she could probably use some extra pairs of hands on big projects.
I know, I know, it's the Carpenter. But she's cute and it's gotta be better than working for the fucking Joker.

>>93913252

The Carpenter is pretty cute. Wait a minute, why is she in the crime game with all those construction jobs going on with Wayne Tech right now? From what I hear, apparently Wayne's gotta real soft spot for crooks Batmans beat up. Do ya think he's got somethin against The Batman? Maybe it was The Batman who killed his parents.

>>93911146
Dang. Killer Moth looks like THAT?

How much money do I have to donate to reforestation charities before Poison Ivy will fuck me?

>>93914552
Are you a guy? Then it's death by snu snu.

If you're a girl, just prepare to be ultra submissive.

>>93914614
Ivy is into girls?

>>93895208
>>93897940
>he's more predictable than Joker or Riddler

I worked with Professor Crane over the years, and I just can't agree with you. The Joker, you always know him to be dangerous. The Riddler, he can be zany or Saw-esque, but he never harms his henchmen.

Jonathan Crane... Whatever they are treating him with at Arkham, it doesn't work. Or maybe it works too well. He has too many of these personalities, all connected to the general idea of "fear".

I first met him after the earthquake, when Gotham got NoMansLand'ed. He was running "protection" over a small district around a church. Incredibly chill dude, intelligent and contemplative, him, me and the priest discussed the Bible and religion in general for days before I moved to Penguin's quarter. Then I hear, Scarecrow's gone mad and tried to do some creepy experiment in the church stopped by Huntress or the Bat, I don't recall.

Later on I'm on mission to break into Arkham, end up running into Crane. He's unmasked, looks like a sad, tired nerd, his eyes are pleading for pity. He grabs my chest, mumbles something about how much he's scared, I try to get the man to calm down, but no dice. The Joker pounces on us, I get the hell outta here, don't know what he did to Crane.

Next time is sometime after the zombie invasions. I'm broke, looking for any kind of job that pays, end up meeting Scarecrow by sheer coincidence. He's lost all sense of hygiene, wears that damn mask with a noose on his neck, acts angry and aloof. Still, he pretends like he remembers me and hires to watch security cameras around his lab. Turns out he's kidnapping some children, experimenting on them before giving the kids back to their families. I'm torn between standing by this guy I've considered somewhat of a friend and just calling the cops on him. But, then comes Batman. Shit goes wrong for everybody, Crane's hideout is about to blow up, Batman escapes. Crane STILL got the little girl out of the building before it exploded.

>>93914757
She's into domineering. Guys get killed after the act, girls are more lucky (if they like plant dick, that is).

How can Batman's car be so big but make so little noise when he wants it to be quiet? How is it even possible to fire all 10? 12? of those cylinders and not make a sound? Shit makes no sense.

>>93897940
Catwoman has henchmen?

>>93914943
>Guys get killed after the act

Then it's not death by snu-snu.

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>>93915993
It's a delayed reaction from her venomous vag. Just don't be a retard and use protection and you'll get a much higher chance of survival.

>>93917277
Word on the street is that Harley is FWB with Ivy. Is this true? We only hear rumors here in Metropolis.

>>93898415
All they do is report on Trump, never on the freaks in tights firebombing people in the streets. Daily Planet is the best news source available stateside.

Any villains hiring for an entry level hench job?

I don't have any experience henching for any villains, or any real world experience, but I hate society

>>93896863
Wow that sounds harsh,is Lex really that much of a madman?

>>93918137
try Joker, he always needs some goons.
Afterwards you can go higher, as people previously said. He's kind of a rite of initation around here