You are making Jehovah sad /co/.

>>93786431
FUCK OFF MOM SPARLOCK IS MY GOD NOW!
JEHOVAH CAN SUCK A FAT ONE!

>>93786431
Because they're a literal cult

>>93786431
B-But it's my birthday...

>>93786447
Are we talking about Jehovah's witnesses or /co/?

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>>93786431
Jehova is nothing before our mighty God-Emperor you Heretic!

>>93786431
>tfw your mother converted into a witness just a few years back
She's some weird puritan cultist now, shits sad to see.

>>93786481
And that's why you never answer the door.

>>93786431
Fuck Caleb, Jehovah's Witnesses are all a dysfunctional cult and they ruined my family

>>93786471
At a glance I thought this was more T_D shilling. I-I am so sorry.

>>93786431
But I'm making me happy.
Jehovah can stop being so reliant on others for his own emotional fulfillment.

>>93786494
>Dog gets out when I'm a kid
>Running around trying to find the little shit on our block
>Two older women point down the street
>Run up and they tell me where they saw my dog
>Run and get him
>Bring him back to the house
>20 minutes later
>Doorbell rings
>"We just came to make sure you found your dog!"
>Think this is super nice
>Thank them for helping me find him
>They give me a pamphlet
>TFW Jehovah's Witnesses helped me find my dog

>>93786431
Thing that gets me is that she throws the toy away instead of telling the kid to return it back to his friend, what a bitch.
Entire cartoon is so sad, if she won't let him play with a simple wizard toy, I can't imagine this kid has any other action figures to play with. Don't even get me started on movies he's probably missed out on.

>>93786529
>they're the ones who let your dog out in the first place
Oldest trick and the book, you're lucky they didn't offer you any cand or else then you'd be fucked.

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>>93786431
Blasphemy! She has spoken the name of our Lord!

I've always wondered if those Mormon and Jehovas folks always carry a bible around with them when they go door-to-door. I'd like to see if I can swap their bibles for one of my books one day.

>>93786563
Got a chuckle out of me, but unlikelyy.

The gate's lock was still in place, fucker just dug under the fence and crawled out.

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>>93786431
I only worship one god, and his name is Tebow

>>93786598
If they are far enough gone, they will just be happy you got a bible to study.

>>93786548
Frankly I'm amazed he has any friends at all, Jehovah's tend to absolutely destroy their children's social lives.

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>>93786596
Look, I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was, "That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah."

>>93786518
I'll forgive you if you never type like that again.

>>93786467
>whynotboth.png

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>>93786431
Sorry, mum, but i only worship thicc-ness now!

>>93786786
HE SAID IT AGAIN!

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In the Latin alphabet, Jehovah begins with an "I."

Who likes magic: Jehovah or Satan?

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>>93786431

>>93786431
If what I'm doing makes Jehovah sad, he's going to be bawling in a few minutes...

>>93786431

Somebody needs to give that poor kid some Stirner to read

>>93786888
I have an Easter episode of this on VHS, I think.

>>93786431
If the wizard is bad even if he uses magic for good purposes, why can't someone be good even if he uses his God-given free will for bad purposes? If you bullshit about the wizard's powers being satanic and thus renders anything he does evil, it follows "abusing" free will is more legitimate because it stems from God.

They don't care about good and evil, they care about mindless obedience. The religion tries to make the followers completely dependent on it. Judging by this movie, they're clamping down harder than ever. Say goodbye to your Disney films, kids.

>>93787470
Seriously, the toy business is just a metaphor. What is really being said is it doesn't matter what kind of person you think others are, because they're all in Satan's camp and ought to be avoided.

>>93786431
news flash, jehovah is always sad.

>>93787470
>They don't care about good and evil, they care about mindless obedience
That's how Jehovah's work, it's a cult like any other, the whole point is to suck you so deep into the cult and cut you off from any and all outside influences that it eventually becomes the only thing you know. I see this shit with my own family member who got into it a few years back, basically every single person she knows these days is another witness, she barely speaks at all to any of her old friends from before that time if at all, I think I'm pretty much the only non-witness she has any significant ties with these days.

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>you will never perform fellatio on Jehovah
>Jehovah will never notice you
>you will never make Jehovah happy

Jehova's Witnesses abused the dementia of my friend's grandfather to rob his entire house empty. That entire cult needs to be burned at the stake.

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>>93786431
I was just at one of their conventions yesterday. There was more gay bashing than usual.
Apparently, when someone tells you "Gay people are born gay so it's natural" you're supposed to respond with "Well people are also born violent but they shouldn't act on those impulses". Also the reason why being gay is bad is because and I quote "God doesn't approve of homosexuality and we try to live by his morals". What an experience

>>93786869
I don't know. Maybe the guy who made the earth tremble, darkened the sky, ripped the cloth in the temple, caused a flood, talked through burning bushes, summoned plagues....

>>93786431
How does this make you feel, Jehovah?
*unzips dick*

So I was at LAX a few weeks ago and I was walking past people handing out fliers on racks, and one of them reads "Is God really the source of the bible?" or something. I thought it was going to be some atheism shit, but then I look and see it was fucking Jehovah's. Was it just a clickbait title, or do Jehovah's think that the bible is some kind of deception?

I want to read their shit just to learn more about how weird it is.

>>93788328
Growing up with JW parents, let me be the first to tell you that what you experienced was click bait. And I can even answer the question they proposed. They would probably say "Well the Bible was written by man but the words were inspired by God. The authors were chosen to be his messengers". Hell, I might have that pamphlet somewhere if it's not one of the more recent ones.

>>93787774
Yeah, it can royally screw up anyone who is no longer a part of it.

>>93786596
Was it rally like this? That you couldn't even say "that" name or you would be stoned or this is just a joke?

how is the jehovah's witnesses cult not illegal yet

people have died over it

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>Neighbour starts putting copies of their monthly magazine on my porch
>Decide to take the covers and draw over them as /co/ or 4chan shit, whatever inspiration strikes me
>Put them back, now drawn over for the next month
>She takes this as a sign to keep sending them, now sends two copies so one can be the "read only" copy

Touche.

>>93788693
Sounds like a challenge.

>>93788570

It's probably true. 'Thou shalt not take My name in vain' is the third commandment - mentioned, I note, before murder.

Pop quiz: which of the Ten Commandments concerns itself with rape?

>>93788693
>sensible_chuckle.gif

The idea that we, infinitely small as we are in compassion to God, could somehow "injure" him is beyond laughable.

I can no more make Jehovah feel "sad" than I can "make" him do or feel anything else.

Any response he has to my actions are entirely his own choice and I am not responsible for them.

>>93789142

Are you serious, making a philosophic point or taking the piss?

>>93789216

A little bit of all 3 I think?

Mostly taking the piss.

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what's with all this Jehovah bashing you cucks?

>>93789520
i hate that subtitle font so fucking much

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>>93789037
The 10th one duh

>>93788670
You can't oppress white people's religion.

>>93788670
too big. If you're a compound of freaks fine. Once you franchise and get celebrities you're pretty much unstoppable. Look at Mormons. Scientologist. Nation of Islam. Crazy people all of them but acceptable crazy.

>>93789814
I mean, Scientology has committed actual treason before.

>>93786431
We need more incest porn of this family

>Nobody cares about making porn of the mom anymore

nu/co/ is lame

Its Yahweh you stupid cunts.

>>93789989

Take your smelly jew god and go

>>93789976
I don't see you helping either, anon.

JW here. Got 40 minutes before work so why not ask me anything.

I want to read a Sparlock comic. He looks fucking badass.

>>93790460
Do you think the gays are controlling Hollywood, or is it just the banks?

>>93790487
Neither. That's not really a question I think that much about.

>>93790541
What's your opinion on agnostics?

>>93790565
That's their view of life and I respect it. Not going to shove my religion down someone's throat if they're not interested.

>>93786548

Christians should do the same is just that they ignore parts of the Bible that would make them seen as psychotics, though JWS dont recognize fully the divinity of Jesus They still have the same rules, is just that they have enforcers.

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>>93790460
Why do you think it's so hard to create alternatives to secular media that doesn't come across as heavy handed preaching?

At least I'm alive, thanks to my blood transfusion. How's your son doing, by the way?

>>93786494
topkek

>>93789037
I'm guessing, none of them?

>>93786548
If I remember right Witnesses also don't celebrate birthdays or any holiday so the kid probably doesn't have any toys

>>93787879
Isn't the anlt anti gay stuff in Leviticus?

>>93787879

>"God doesn't approve of homosexuality and we try to live by his morals"

If you actually believe that God exists then this logic is 100% watertight.

God is the ultimate moral arbiter, whatever he says goes he doesn't need to provide reasoning.

>>93790715
If your mainly talking about the videos, then I agree. They always tackle it in a weird way and it feels very unnatural. Exapecially on the topic of homosexuality.
But for the most part I think the magazines are fine. They are usually just talk about a certain topic and how the Bible views it.

>>93790460
Why ya'll got beef with Sparlock?

>>93790598
>Not going to shove my religion down someone's throat if they're not interested.
Why can't the other JWs be like you?

>>93790460
Do you have any of those bound volumes of the old magazines? I know they've stopped doing those long ago.

>>93790887
Technically weren't not meant to agree with magic. But pretty much all my friends who are JW love Skyrim and games that are similar.

>>93790715
Grew up a JW, can answer this. It's because everything they say is obviously stupid, easy to dispute b.s., and their defensive before the conversation starts. A good 25% of the time you spend at 'church' is training for how to argue against perfectly sane, reasonable arguments, and how to take advantage of fabricating a personal connection with someone to convert them. It's an evil religion for stupid people.

>>93790940
*they're

>>93789752

Rule number 11. nobody better lay a finger on my butter finger!

number 12. AVOID THE NOID!

13. Cartoons cant be waifus

14. Don't be a dirty weeb

>>93790763
ex joho kid here. we got toys when we asked our parents to buy it for us, or when we saved up our pocket money and bought it for ourselves.
wizards and shit were indeed a no-go but somehow digimon and yugioh was fine? I remember getting in trouble once because my mom caught me watching an episode of the sabrina cartoon

>>93790897
Now I do still do the door to door thing. I've seen a lot of people go from miserable lives to happy lives just from learning about my religion, and I want everyone to have a chance at that same happiness. But if you think my religion won't bring that happiness or are simply not interested. I will leave you alone.

>>93790994
My mom didn't allow Yu-Gi-OH when I was little. All parents have a different view on the subject. And my parents would buy us toys every now and then to make up for not celebrating holiday.

>>93790715

In the Bibble God forbids Imagination and Fantasy, ex Christian here though, no idea if JW are also scripture fags.

>>93789989
*Yahoo-Wahoo

In High school my two closest friends were jheova witnesses, they were pretty shill. One is a weeb now though.

Does anyone have the animated JH anti gay video? It's hilarious

>>93786518
At a glance you look like you're from Ieddit yourself

>>93791074
>In the Bibble
YOU QUESTION THE WORDS OF THE MIGHTY JIMMY?

>>93791265
This one?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnk52bU92oE

>>93790631
Please kill yourself, you blithering retard

>>93790715
Because Protestants are pussies who never want to talk about the cool parts of Christianity, like shooting godless savages in the name of the one true god or Byzantine emperors leading last stands against filthy heathen turks

There are millions of great stories that could be bother religious in nature and interesting but they only want to tell faggy shit like "dude Moses lmao"- who gives a flying fuck about fucking Moses?

>>93791074
Uncertain if joke or not

>>93790994
>muh jehovah's witnesses were restrictive n sheeit

Why do people from stupid religions always blame their stupid religion for their parents being stupid? My mother was just a run of the mill catholic whose religion never influenced all the stupid fucking decisions she made about taking stuff away from me.

>>93791410
>creepy anti-gay cartoon

Which is funny because steven universe is a creepy pro-gay cartoon whose creator specifically designed in the hopes of indoctrinating children that gay is okay

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Caleb choosed. He chosed wisely

>>93791480
no need to get so emotional, brotato

book of amos > book of david > book of revelations

>>93786471
Has a shittier metabolism that a humming bird, calls himself a god.

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>>93786431
OH COME ON, MOM

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>>93788693
EWHUEHUEHUE

>2017
>Not being a Genova's Witness

WHERE IS THE PORN
Dammit /co/

>>93791859
I could swear somebody drew Sparlock giving the D to mom.

>>93790815
Just because he exsists doesnt mean i have to obey him blindly

>>93790000

You have been told!

>>93790757

You guess correctly. Just like there is no age of consent in the Bible, nor a commandment forbidding slavery.

In all fairness, there is a commandment - although not among the Big Ten - concerning rape, but then they still manage to spoil it by commanding the death penalty for the victim as well if she didn't cry for help loudly enough.

There are people defending the book's morals. Its a continuing source of amazement to me.

>>93790793
Yep. 18:22. It's the line right after they tell you not to sacrifice your kids to Molech.

>>93790922
Every year we have one big book with a copy of all of last year magazines in itnif that's what you mean. We have them but no one usually wants them so we have very little.

>>93791945
>and then anon went to hell

God doesn't give a fuck about your feelings anon, for him the rules are the rules

>>93790986
Go back to Ieddit

>>93791956
Probably because you're autistic, the Old Testament only applies to Jews and morons who think they can interpret the bible without the help of actual clergy (like you)

>>93791490

That explains why the main character is hetero, his saintly mother sacrificed her life in the name of heterosexual relationships while her 'lesbian' love slave is depicted as being seriously emotionally unbalanced, one of the members of the designated 'lesbian' relationship is male in every way except having a penis (seriously, in Russia Ruby's voiced by a guy), the junior team member habitually takes a male form and has a confused hankering for human cock and the ONLY recognized human gay relationship in the show is between two aged entertainers who haven't seen each other in years and split up again in the same episode they meet again.

If it is gay propaganda, it's completely terrible.

>>93791890

I feel stupid, but what is that show, anyway? Is it actually some Jehovah prop show?

>>93791945

Quite! You are free to chose... between obedience, and an eternity in Heaven singing His praises, or defiance, and an eternity in Hell!

Seriously, it could be creepypasta.

>>93791553
>calls himself a god
But he didn't.

>>93788670
I have no idea what it is about JWs that makes people so asshurt except that they refuse to serve in combat when called up by the draft

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Are aliens demonic?

>>93789037
>not disrespecting God is more important than not aggressively going around killing other mortals

It's almost like the point of religions is that God/gods are the ones in charge and you're just some retard dicking around who they could erase with a thought

>>93792058
Oh hey look the guy whining about this religion that I don't give a fuck about is also a fan of tumblr universe what a surprise

>>93787871
>That entire cult needs to be burned at the stake.
A fitting punishment for HERETICS

>>93792088
Aliens don't exist, only demons trying to convince you they're aliens so they can probe your anus for Satan

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>>93791076

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>when she sees your sparlock

>>93792054

I am autistic, so that checks out.

Can you please explain to me why the 613 mitswoth Jesus refers to in Matthew 5:18 do not apply to anyone else than Jews, in your opinion?

>>93792088
I've heard the argument that only that which was made by God is good, so everything that doesn't exist in this world is tool of the devil

>>93790986
>cartoons cant be waifus

HE IS A FALSE GOD!

>>93792086

They also won't take blood transfusions, which is one of the most ironic things I know.

"Please! You won't survive, otherwise! Accept this blood which was offered freely by a willing donor to save your life!"
"I am sorry, as a Christian that is an abomination to me."

>>93792101

Well, or at least convincing people that that is the case...

>>93792117

I am sad that I failed to convey to you that SU is not so very tumblrish.

Even Tumblr is not so very tumblrish. I have seen pages dedicated to the vilest, most obscene racism and sexism I have EVER read there.

>>93792086
I dont either.
They are fairly harmless compared to other groups.
I honestly think its just because they are annoying.

Jehovas witnesses pretty much wrote the current freedom of religion laws in the US. They have more supreme court cases than any other religion.

Every time someone mentions Sparlock I get a new note on a fucking old image I drew.

Fuck it, I'm updating it. Give me your beat Sparlock, Warrior Wizard ideas.

>>93792247
its not about it being offered freely or not, its the belief that once blood has left the body it is unclean on a spiritual level and that a blood transfusion is breaking the same taboo as drinking it
or so I was told

then again I was also told that everyone, no matter how badly they sinned, will get one last chance to repent and get into paradise whenever the fuck the second coming of jesus finally happens. that always seemed kinda bizarre to me. your religion comes with a 'get-out-of-jail free' card built into it, the only negative repercussion for breaking a taboo is you have to stand before God and admit you didn't trust him enough. then bang, zoom, off to eden 2.0

Vigilantes and angry mobs in my country kill Jehovah's Witnesses and evangelical missionaires

>>93792350
Make him look like he is out of heavy metal or something.

>>93786812
Holy shit.

>>93792375
>me: yeah my bad bro
>god: ur a cheeky little cunt aint ya.

Seems a little silly that your punishment for sin is a disappointed dad look.

>>93792424
I mean there's probably some clause or reading where you have to actually mean it, but honestly being face to face with God so much as an unpaid parking ticket would have you feeling 'oh shit, I fucked up, I regret everything' on the cellular level

Ohhhh... NOW I get it.

http://speedydeletion.wikia.com/wiki/Sparlock

>>93790994
Sabrina had a cartoon?

>>93792417
She's gonna be the live action Squirrel Girl and all the SJW's are flipping their shit she doesn't look like the abomination Marvel is pushing in the comics.

>>93788670
Wait whose actually died because of the church genuinely curious

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>>93792580
yeah, set when she was 12

>>93789814
Mormons have dialed it down a bit. There not as bad as Scientology

>>93786812

Ay carumba!

>>93792587

But she does. The art in the comic is just shit. All she needs is buck teeth.

>>93792699
She's not fat ginger, doesn't have a dyke cut, nor does she look like she has Downs which is what the new design is. She's more in line with her look before Marvel was all SJW.

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Does /co/ go to church. I go to the Church of Christ. It's Protestant

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>>93792384
Done on my phone, so sorry for the low quality.

>>93792646
I remember hating that show.
But the aunts are hot at least.

>>93792759
my body is a temple. I attend it every day and thank God for letting me live in Him.

>>93792375
Don't you guys have like, a really small six figure number of people who are actually going to be saved? It seems like that last bit would really skew those numbers or all the people at the time of the second coming are incredibly stubborn.

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>>93792759
>Church of Christ
>Protestant
More like church of HERESY

>>93791987
>not sacrificing kids to MLK.

faggot.

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>>93786431
>the part where he has to throw away his Wizard toy

>>93792946
there's like 300,000 people who are going to get into heaven. nobody now has any chance of making it onto that list because it was filled centuries and centuries ago.
but when Jesus comes, him and the other three horsemen are gonna wipe out all modern civilizations (as in, the buildings and shit), an then transform the whole world into paradise. all the dead (except those who choose to reject God, and the aforementioned peeps who got into heaven) will be resurrected and get to live forever with no hunger or death or disease.

Does Jehovah hate DOOM? I mean, you kill demons.

>>93792957
How so?

>>93793034
who are jesus and the horsemen to decide what is paradise or not. all i could ask for is for freewill and to be surrounded by friends and family as i am now, something that sounds like a counterpoint as to whatever would await in heaven

theres probably no video games in heaven either baka

>>93792515

That redesign is much prettier, but is at most in 720p to low to be fapworthy.

>>93793095
>what is paradise or not
Paradise as in 'The Garden of Eden, but everywhere' not, like, your own personally tailored utopia

>>93792646

12 years old is the best age.

>>93793127
that sounds like shit. if i wanted that id go for a walk in the park

>>93792766
thats pretty baller my man.
Good work.

>>93792725

But squirrels are gingers. The haircut is of course irrelevant since you can change that. And, as I said, the art in her comic is shit.

...Hold on... I feel I missed something important.

SQUIRREL GIRL IS GONNA BE IN A LIVE-ACTION FEATURE?

>>93792759

>>93792159
lets try that again, buddy

>>93792759
>Does /co/ go to church.
I do. 7th Day Adventist reporting in.
Basically we believe the same stuff as Baptists except we go to church on Saturday, don't baptize babies, and believe souls and bodies "rest" until the 2nd coming instead just instantly going to heaven.

>tfw could never watch saturday morning cartoons

>>93790480
Sparlock is a filthy dual-classer. I would not let my child associate with him either.

>>93793382
Oh, forgot to add that we also believe Hell is a one-and-done cleansing fire of the world and damned and not a place of eternal burning/tormant.

>>93792957
So how's worshiping the pope going?

>>93793338

What do you mean 'again'? You never tried a thing.

Also: not your buddy.

>>93793401
>not dipping into Rogue lvls for dodge/crit
>everything else Fighter
Look at this guy not being a Pugilist.

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>>93793108
homophobia never looked so good

>>93786431
I can provoke Jehovah into sadness?
Are you telling me I have power over God?

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>>93793142
I know this is a thread about Christianity, but come on man.

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>>93793792
if you go right-click->copy image location, you can attach your captcha to your post

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>>93793853

>>93792759
>when your parents ask you where Constantinople went :^)

>>93792088
Aliens should be a creation of god, to say otherwise is to aknowledge another god creature or evolution. Hence Ayylmaos have to be a creation of god

>>93786529

Most people who join this stuff are good people, but they are very gullible and full of fears to fill with only faith

>Work on school
>Kid has a attack on the floor
>I ask the mon if the kid is on any medicine
>She say yes, but he stopped taking it because the Leader (or whatver they call it) of her temple told her to make him stop with it, and that Jenovah would cure him form his attacks
>A asks where the medicine is, she said thet she gave all of the bottles to the temple
>I call the police
>They find out that the Leader was selling the medicine on the streets

>>93792759

>When everyone is tired of your shit that they send you on a boat to die on a giant tundra/desert far away and you feel proud by it

>>93792176
But isn't everything, even the devil, technically made by god?

>>93794424
evidently ideas are not. at least not some ideas, like the idea of little green men from mars, or fire breathing rock beasts

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>>93792759
I have made a holy pilgrimage to see the holy murder/k/ube in person
(granted it was in my city so it wasn't much of a pilgrimage, I saw a ton of "AVE NEX ALEA" and "SALUTO CUBIM NECIS" on the comment board though)

I'm surprised no one posted the rule 34.

>>93794889
I'm workin on it

Aren't Jehovah's Witnesses just a fancy word for Mormon?

>>93795038
mormons ride bikes. johos walk.

>>93786855
SHE DID, SHE DID!

Err... GRRR MANLY GRUNTS GRR

>>93795038
Comparing a Mormon to a Jehovah is like comparing a Sikh to a Catholic because they both are monotheist religions.

Also, don't be shit talking the lord and savior John Moses Browning

>>93791945

Actually I think you'll find that it does. Not only will you be punished eternally if you don't, not obeying also quite literally means that you are evil.

Let's make one thing entirely clear, I don't believe in God, so I'm not saying you actually should obey any of these rules, they're silly and contradict themselves constantly.

But if you DID believe in the Judeo-Christian version of God then you are absolutely morally obligated to follow every rule he made, no matter how retarded it seems to you.

He's literally right by definition, he is the embodiment of what is right. Saying that any command God gives could lead to a wrong outcome is like arguing that 2+2=5

This is also why all Christian attempts to argue that obedience to God is a good thing in terms of secular human values or human emotions are utterly retarded. God doesn't get sad, he's far above that. God isn't interested Justice as any actual human understands it (i.e. that punishments should be roughly equivalent to the crime and that sort of thing).

God is right because he's God and that's the only Christian apologetic argument that isn't fundamentally flawed. Every attempt to argue the rightness of God based on external factors is inherently flawed.

There's also no need to make apologies for any of the stuff that God said or commanded in the bible that is blatantly monstrous if judged by secular humanistic values, like when he tells the Israelites to bash babies against rocks.
God said to do it, ergo it is moral and correct. End of discussion.

>>93795162
The Bible says a lot of things, plenty of which have fallen out of practice. Like the stonings, the slaves, the rapes, all that stuff. Literally everyone nowadays picks and chooses which parts of the Bible they want to follow.

>>93786431

Come to my planet at say that to my face:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vnaa5MQIH94

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>>93792188

>>93791423
what's wrong christfag, don't enjoy hearing the truth?

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>>93792759

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>>93793437

>>93795247

>Literally everyone nowadays picks and chooses which parts of the Bible they want to follow.

Yes, and while this is obviously a good thing for society and every sane person on the face of the planet, it is also openly hypocritical and intellectually dishonest.

No actual objective or logical criteria for what should be practiced and what should be ignored and discarded are presented, most modern Christians will gladly hold a passage up as being profound and important despite it being a single page away from something they have thrown down the memory hole for the sake of convenience.

You can't say "This book is the inspired word of God" and then choose to ignore 80% of it's content. You can't proclaim a being as being all-powerful, all-good and definitional to morality while ignoring most of what he tells you to do.

Modern Christianity is a complete fucking mess, it doesn't remotely work as a cohesive world view which is also the reason that it has split into a million billion sects that can't agree any of the details or even most of the broad strokes.

If you believe in God and yet also believe that any of the shit he does or says in the Bible is wrong then you are experiencing a text-book case of cognitive dissonance, you hold two mutually exclusive beliefs at the same time.

>>93792759
I a spiritual alchemist.
>yes, it as gay as it sounds.
>gayer even

>>93795438
It's more intellectually dishonest to abide by morals I don't agree with tho.

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>>93794485
Hold up, so it's only evil if it's fictional?

Writing a story that you have no intention of being mistaken as true and that you don't intend to fool anyone else with, it's just 100% entertainment, is pure evil and Satanic; but if fairies actually existed they would be creatures of god?

That is some bizarre fucking logic.

>>93795604

Not agreeing with morals you know to be objective correct is not a defensible position.

>>93795438
>the bible is the inspired word of God
That sounds more like the qu'ran. The bible is more like a history book that chronicles the jewish people.

>>93795604
Keep in mind that Christians honestly believe that if it wasn't for the bible humans would have absolutely no sense of right and wrong.

>>93795632
No moral can be objective.

>>93792515
Are there new videos?

>>93791553
He specifically requested the opposite of this

>>93789037
1. the 2nd refers to doing evil in gods name
2. Thou shall not commit Adultery covers all sexual sins. You're not married to the person you rape.

>>93795688

When they are literally objectively defined by a supreme being who embodies morality in himself, yes, they kinda can.

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>>93794276

>>93792176
>protestants

>>93795708

>Thou shall not commit Adultery covers all sexual sins. You're not married to the person you rape.

1. This assertion is based on nothing at all, nothing pointing to this interpretation can be found within the actual text.
2. If you're not married in the first place you can't commit adultery.

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>>93795698
There's 25 lessons, the most recent ones are at the beginning
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCqZnC38yS0

>>93795717
Except maybe the supreme being didn't those morals and it fact they're just old timey ass laws.

>>93794276
It really is the religious form of a pyramid scheme, the elders (that the name for them) are basically just scum taking advantage of folk who are in a bad place in their lives.

>>93795247
That doesn't mean they're right though. You can't subjectively decide what god is and isn't. He either exist or he doesn't and his will should be judged on that merit

>>93795652

If you're gonna argue that parts or all of the bible is flawed then you have to present some criteria for determining which parts are good and should be followed and which are bad and shouldn't be.

Important note: These criteria cannot be completely fucking arbitrary.

>>93795767

See the earlier part of this post.

If you believe in some of the Bible but not all of it you have to present some reasoning for why the parts you don't follow are just bullshit some idiots memed up and why the parts you do follow are actually divinely inspired and communicate the actual words/commandments of God.

If you just pick and choose based on your tummyfeels then it's no better than something you just made up on your own.

>>93795717
>they are literally objectively defined by a supreme being
Except that's wrong, God didn't literally objectively defined these "morals"

Sometimes I'm glad my mom was a desperate christian instead of a controlling christian.

>>93795765
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkvo3SDegQQ

>>93795831
The bible as we know is a collection multiple books by multiple authors spread out through centuries. There is not single author to the bible so you can't really say
>you can pick and choose the bible
Cause that literally what the bible is, a pick and choose history book of the jewish people and their laws.

>>93795831
You're trying to demand people to reason their faith? The whole point of faith is that there is no evidence to the certainty.

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>Try to actually read the bible from a literary standpoint since I figured it'd be kinda neat
>An hour in and it's pretty much nothing but extremely fucking dull genealogy
>The handful of times it gets into actual stories like Sodom and The Flood it's only about a paragraph long, and pretty much consists of repeating the same sentence about a dozen times
Jesus Christ, does this shit ever get interesting?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UE7HEzXeBYU

>>93795919
>admitting that the bible, a sacred holy book regarded for centuries as an honest scripture defining the god that they believe in as well as the only natural source of information on their supposed faith, is actually complete bullshit and totally jk not super serial

At least we're breaking through some of the cognitive dissonance

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>>93795389
>when your daughter becomes that DM

>>93795919

I have never once seen a Christian who was willing to say "Books X, Y, Z, etc. are trustworthy, all the others are not" At least that would be partially non-arbitrary method of selection, even though they would still need to argue WHY those books are good and the others aren't.

Picking and choosing happens within and between books, they'll gladly use passages from books that also contain shit they completely ignore.

>>93795985

From someone who has read the entire thing cover to cover

No, it really really does not.

>>93795998
Don't act so smug m8, I'm in the seminar.
Your argument is couple thousand years late as any good catholic knows that the holy Bible is created by the church. There is a whole history of this shit that you're oblivious to.

>>93795708

1) The third, I think you mean. The second commandment concerns graven images - idols.
I have never heard your interpretation.

2) You can marry a 10-ear-old girl and have sex with her whenever you want, as a matter of fact. Even if she is not so inclined. Biblically, there is nothing you can do about it.

>>93795837

Of course not. But the Bible says he did.

>>93795985

I hope I never grow that jaded.

>>93789814
Scientologist is a cult in every part of the world that isn't USA

>>93796150
The bible doesn't, the church does.

>>93796149
>I'm in the seminar

y tho

>>93793382
i've found a pamphlet from a korean church with half of it talking about worshiping on saturday
makes sense since it's the last day of the week and SUNday was when God achieved light but they went on and on about how evil empires of old (Rome Babylon and a third one I forgot)
>>93795610
my guess is the devil can manifest as ideas while physical things are of god's will

>>93795765
/ss/?

>>93795985
Wait till you get to Leviticus. Recipes, nothing but recipes.

>>93795135
I don't what you're talking about and why should I give a fuck

>>93795985
>Try reading the new testament
>get through 3 pages of nothing but "so and so BEGET so and so" before dropping it.

holy shit, now i know how religion works. No one has actually read the bible because it is too boring and tedious, so we have to take other people's word for what it said.

>>93791454
Because it's a jew-friendly story

>>93796172

Okay...


...When was the last time you read the Bible?

>>93788693
sounds like you should bang

>>93795985
Most of the Old Testament reads like a history book, so for every part of it that has an exciting battle or a fun character you also have a shit ton of boring paperwork to muddle through. It's sort of like the American Revolution. For all the stuff like Paul Revere's ride or the Boston Tea Party so much of it is just legitimate political grievances, politics, and signing papers. I'd say the New Testament is where things get more interesting from a philosophical perspective but even the simple stories from Genesis have a lot to offer when viewed through a historical lens.

The story of Creation, for instance, constantly reaffirms that what God creates is good. To the reader it might just seem like a simple statement or even an idle boast, but the underlying message is extremely important. It's the idea that it's better that there's something than nothing. It seems simple, but when angst and ennui and existential dread kick in, it's a pretty nuanced idea to affirm constantly that existence has an essential "goodness" to it, no matter what happens. A lot of the Genesis stories are like this (outside of the genealogy bits), they offer profound answers to some of the most fundamental questions that a person might have about existence.

If you're looking for something more complex and more in depth, I'd recommend Milton's Paradise Lost for a look at the Garden of Eden story from the perspective of a comparatively modern writer. Or try Goethe's Faust for a look at the broader existential problems the Genesis stories talk about. Overall I'd recommend reading the Bible anyway, since in all likelihood it's the foundation of your entire culture, but these are fine substitutes if you think it's too dull of a read.

>>93796369
Don't they all die? Twice.

>>93796317
John Moses Browning was a Mormon, and the man who basically invented the modern firearms industry.
Basically every handgun today can trace it's lineage back to Browning.

>>93786431
How can you be sad if you don't exist?

>>93796579
Are just well informed or are you from /k/? I seriously did not expect an answer like that.

>>93796149
What are you even basing your faith off of if not the bible. Century old rumors made by old people?

>>93796541
I have read Faust actually, both Marlowe's and Goethe's.
Marlowe's was a bit boring but thankfully short, but Goethe's was absolutely amazing.

I will admit though Marlowe's is a lot better as an inspirational work, the 1994 Czech film is basically a word for word retelling and it's great.

>>93796640
/k/ is my home board

>>93796420
You're supposed to read it? I thought it was a tool used to thump non-believers in the head.

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>>93794889
it's not 34, but it's /ll/
mods pls no bully

>>93796337
This is completely true.

This is also why it's so easy for people excuse their own cognitive dissonance when it comes to morality and religion. The average dude just goes with what he hears from other people, actually READING the Bible or the Qu'ran or whatever in detail is fucking boring and time consuming. He doesn't believe eating shellfish is wrong or killing nonbelievers or keeping slaves is right, but the Bible says they are? Well, fuck it, he hasn't read the Bible, so it doesn't matter to him. If it was really important his pastor would have said something about it, but they don't, because they know deep down that their religion can only survive in secular society by hiding from its own barbaric roots.

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>>93796698
>/ll/

Hell, yeah!

>>93794486
>Living in Leeds
I'm truly sorry anon.

>>93797291
Nah, it was a few years back when it was still in Canada

>>93797674
My mistake.

>>93795438
>you hold two mutually exclusive beliefs at the same time.
Not necessarily. The rabbinical laws were fulfilled with the rest of the old covenant. Even Jesus broke those laws.
>muh Pauline epistles were mean too
Written for specific peoples for the spread of Christianity in their land.

My personal biggest concern with interpretation is how people tend to straddle the line between "getting context" and reshaping shit to fit their own sensibilities. It's messy.

>>93795985
The mass majority of it essentially serves to make the important points relevant.The Torah (the part you're describing) was written while the Jews were captive in Babylon, so naturally it has a lot of history and stuff written for their own historical preservation in addition to the spiritual aspect. Were you expecting Star Wars or some shit?

>>93795998
>the cognitive dissonance
This is such a pretentiously pseudoacademic term. Do you think you're smart for calling something a "deconstruction" too?

>>93798140
People (read as "/v/") just love to spout the term because a definition of it appears in their favourite game. In this case, Spec Ops: The Line.

Another popular one is the definition of insanity, because it appears in a Far Cry game.

>>93798140
>>93798379
Cognitive dissonance has basis in actual neuroscience and that anon used it entirely correctly. Don't be one of those salty retards that, when faced with reality, tries to hind behind the idea that your opponent is somehow invoking incorrect science or has misunderstood their terminology.

You're right about deconstruction, though. People often do use that term completely incorrectly.

>>93798379
Unrelated but for some reason a couple of pixels at the end of insanity are pointing out of your spoiler and it's weirding me out.

>>93792610
children who refused blood transfusions

they're actually considered heroes and other children are told to follow their example

>>93798697
Is there some kind of teaching against blood transfusions and shit?

>>93798606
Oh, so it's not just me, then? Nice going insane with you, anon.

>>93792759
>protestant
Go Roman Catholic or go to hell

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>>93796698
Reminds me of this.

As someone who lives amongst a family of Jehovah Witnesses (I abandoned that life sometime ago) I can say that I don't necesarily agree with their lifestyle and their beliefs, they are not bad people. They have manners and I can tell they have the best of their intentions in their doing. They do tend to interfere in someone else's life and there's a LOT of gossip between them (that girl has a non-jehovah witness boyfriend, this guy is keeping a relationship secret etc etc)

>>93798727
The Jews were really scared of the teaching of receiving somebody else's blood. Most people don't understand that when Jesus told his followers to "eat my flesh and drink my blood" that such a concept was fucking horrifying to them in that time.

From what I've gathered, Jehovah's don't consider Jesus wholly divine, so not receiving someone else's blood might still be understandable to them.

>>93798727
Abstain from blood and all that. Eating, drinking blood is considered bad. Partaking of blood, bloodletting, mixing of blood all no nos. But they do have a video explaining their position on blood and tranfusions. Literally lists and suggests talking to doctors about alternatives or even partial blood cell transfusions as acceptable. It doesn't take much to look up the jw.org website and look through it for yourself

>>93799240
Source?

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>>93800137
No idea. Saw it posted here one time.

>>93800137
Mexico

>>93799240
The spit gets me every time.

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as a guy who used to grow up in a jehovahs witness family (who's own slutty father got disfellowshipped and shunned by his family) an you explain your reasoning as to why you hate jehovahs witnesses and why they're supposedly a cult? I don't follow the religion that much anymore but I know it's definitely not as bad as scientologists

I know it falls under teenage edgelord philosophy, but an Jehova who exists is a terrifying concept that makes existence an endless nightmare.

For all of mankind to be bound from birth to total servitude, forced to follow a set a rules which you need to simply KNOW are real, lest this horrible alien intelligence decides that you arent up to his often arbitrary standards, and condemn almost the totality of your endless existence to one crafted exclusively to be the worst torture you could ever endure.

>>93800620
this is why i found it funny when i watched clips of OP's picture
>Jehovah wants you to be his friend, as long as you follow his standards!
what a shitty friend

>>93798093
>Were you expecting Star Wars or some shit?
Kinda? Jehovah's Witnesses keep pushing it on me as the 'best story' ever.
Got six of those complimentary pocket bibles alongside three copies of the Bhagavad-gita from Hare Krishnas

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>>93799240
I-is there more?

>>93800511
I don't think of them as a cult, but anyone who comes to my door to shove their religion down my throat can fuck right off

>>93800439
Didn't notice that

>>93791859

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>>93789520
Probably the amount of animated 3D cartoon videos that tries to spread the word of Jehovah's witnesses, but instead backfires.

>>93796845
What's this from?

>>93786447
The only difference between a cult and religion it's the number of people that follow their covenants.

>>93795604
Not when your personal morals contradict those of a being you believe to be the all-powerful, all-benevolent creator of the universe.

>>93795260
JOSEPH SMITH

>>93800511
Scientology is an "international movement." Whatever that means.

>>93795985
Have you gotten to Ecclesiastes and Job? I like those books. Job in particular has the greatest fuck you speech ever from God.

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>>93792759
Recovering Catholic. Fuck religion in general and Judeo-Christian religion in particular.

No seriously religion is all bullshit, it was instrumental in the rise of civilization but it's time we put that shit aside

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Zoroastrianism is the way, everything else is wrong

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>>93801032
They're Chase and Iris from My Giant Friend

>>93801284

God I wish we can just get rid of them already. It's just a fucking scam but noooooo they had to Blackmail the US government into making them an official religion.

>>93801057

And Jehovah's Witnesses are technically a sect in that regard.

>>93801032

A french cartoon that only got one season and has been forgotten by everyone.

>>93802259
>>93801284

It means it's an aristocratic religion. Basically it's a rich people club doing what they want because they are rich.

>>93794276

That is not how Jehovah's Witnesses work at all. They do not believe that faith can 'make the bad suddenly go away.' That's a Christian Science thing. I think you are a big fibber!

Source: I am one. I'm coming to your door, y'all.
The only actual instance of Witnesses refusing medication is in the case of blood or blood transfusion. Even then we are big advocates of bloodless medicine like volumizers and cell recycling machines. Further on the issue there is taking blood parts only, like platelets or straight plasma of the blood for example. In these cases it's asked that the person makes their own decision on if they want parts, recycling, a DNR, etc. Every witness carries a special DPA card on them specifying what they would like in that situation.

>>93802574
Your religion is retarded and like all other religions you try to get around your retarded beliefs with loopholes and technicalities instead of just admitting that they're dumb and not believing them

>>93789989
yh-record scratch