Good News: You found a genie. He will grant you 3 wishes. Bad

>>93674099
>>>/b/

>>93674099
First I'd wish that he wouldn't fuck over my next two wishes and make them what I intended them to be.

>>93674099
Wish for Jasmine to have sex with me,NOT LOVE JUST SEX!

What prevents me from wishing him to suffer after being tricked once?

>>93674099

I wish that every wish he was going to grant wouldn't backfire in any way.

Wish him back into the lamp then bury it.
I ain't dealing with evil genies.

>>93674099
before I start making wishes, I make a deal with him, if he grants my first two wishes without fucking me over, I'll use my third one to free him(with the added caveat that in the process he'd be sent into a different universe when he's freed)

>>93674099
Omnipotence.
It's simple and I can just undo any trickery he tries, then just grant myself any wish I would have asked him.

>don't fuck my wishes and me over
>wish that i could wish for unlimited wishes
>wish for unlimited wishes

I wanna die

>>93674251
Is your genie a 5 years old kid?

>>93674310
>Is your genie a 5 years old kid?
huh?

>>93674188
An obese woman named Jasmine who is entirely unrelated to the princess with the same name is now pinning you down in your bed. Get ready

>>93674220
He'll just say that he's already suffering since he's a genie. Basically enslaved forever. You've just wasted your second wish on something that's already present.

>>93674274
He'd turn you into a genie, complete with all the rules and problems that go with it. You ARE omnipotent. You just can't use it.

>>93674223
Your wishes aren't backfiring, they're working as intended.

>>93674291
Jafar grants your wish. You now have a 20-sided die to play DnD with your loser friends.

>>93674099
Wish that Jafar never existed. He's a fuck.

>>93674099
1.I wish for you to grant the intent behind my wishes, not the literal meaning.
2.I wish for the ability to undo any wish I make at any point, even from beyond the grave.
3.I wish for an amulet that can grant any wish I make, but only wishes spoken aloud, by only me.

>>93674322
>Oh yeah I'll totally wish for your freedom as my third wish, there are no tricks, just believe me.

>>93674341
>An obese woman named Jasmine who is entirely unrelated to the princess with the same name is now pinning you down in your bed. Get ready
I call that a win.

>>93674416
Then you have defeated Jafar.

i wish for jafar to fucking kill me

>>93674341
>He'd turn you into a genie
>Implying omnipotence is anywhere near measly phenomenal cosmic power.

>>93674341
If you can't use your omnipotence, you aren't omnipotent. The definition is pretty much "able to do anything"

>>93674099
UNLIMITED POWER

>>93674099
Well, now I'm not gonna wish because you told me I'm going to be fucked over. You do not know how to market things to people do you?

"Please summon The Sultan's daughter and Aladdin's wife Princess Jasmine right here ready to get fucked by my average sized cock. No funny business."

That should do.

>>93674458
You can be a super genie
They have different levels of strength apparently, given Jafar-Genie easily fucked with Genie. You'll just be the most genie of all genies.

>>93674475
You are able to do anything. When someone wishes it.

>>93674479
>"I'll wish for more wishes, that's a neat trick!"

>>93674388
>1.I wish for you to grant the intent behind my wishes, not the literal meaning.
Who's intent, the wisher or the caster?
>2.I wish for the ability to undo any wish I make at any point, even from beyond the grave.
Okay, you can undo ANY wish you made at any point. Probably should have made it so you could control that ability.
>3.I wish for an amulet that can grant any wish I make, but only wishes spoken aloud, by only me.
>can
>not will

>>93674508
That ain't omnipotence bitch.

Any limit you place on it means it has... a (wait for it) limit

Here's the thing: the Genie in Aladdin said he wouldn't bring people back from death, not because he couldn't, but because he tried it before and the result wasn't very nice.

Meaning that at the very end, it's the Genie choice to cenceed your the wish or not, there's no point in trying to outsmart a genie.

Here's goes.

I wish for a wasted wish.
I wish for things to get taller.
I wish to have sex with jaguar as painfully it may be.

>>93674099
nah, fuck him. I'm not making any wishes

>>93674409
there's a reason I added the condition that him being free would also shunt him off into another universe, we both win in this case, I get whatever I decide to use the first two wishes for, while Jafar gets his freedom

>>93674506
Jasmine's rotting skeleton appears before you because she died hundreds of years ago. This is hardly a laughing matter, but she's ready as she'll ever be.

>>93674508
>given Jafar-Genie easily fucked with Genie.
Freeing a genie depowers them. Semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic.

>>93674574
>We will both win, I swear, I'll really make that third wish just for you.

>>93674628
actually couldn't you use the first wish for that, but stipulate that it won't take effect until after your other two wishes?

>>93674099
I'll just ask him for suggestions. I'm not particularly interested in keeping a genie slave, and he seems like a pretty cool dude.

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>>93674533
hey, it fits. Pic related, came up when I googled "omnipotence". What is to say Jafar isn't taking the very specific meaning he finds fitting?

>>93674614
Well if we give you even more rules, maybe you'll be even stronger.

>>93674540
I'm guessing he can bring them back to life, but that won't restore them. So you have a walking corpse instead of a proper resurrection.

>>93674664
Jafar is transported to a parallel universe and parallel universe Jafar is transported tou your universe.

>>93674540
H A I L T O Y O U

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>>93674706
>I'm guessing he can bring them back to life, but that won't restore them. So you have a walking corpse instead of a proper resurrection.
You don't say.

>>93674244
Finally a man with some good common sense

>>93674540
The genie gave rules, but it was never stated you were forced to follow them. If you demanded it, it's possible he would have to do it.

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i wish for him to fuck me repeatedly in his throne
uhhhh

pass on the other wishes

>>93674099
>I wish I was a little bit taller
>I wish I was a baller
>I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her

https://youtu.be/ryDOy3AosBw

>>93674099
Wish 1: If I'm not satisfied with my second and third wish Jafar will be teleported to an alternate reality where the entire planet is made out of shit and Jafar will have to eat the whole world while in a human, but still immortal, form that has an normal human sized mouth and stomach, once he's finished he goes back in the lamp.
Wish 2: for me to have the ability to become excellent at any trade or skill that I want to
Wish 3: ability to surpass human limits and be as smart/strong/fast as I want to even if it shouldn't be possible without altering my physical appearance in any way.

1. I wish that any negative consequences of my life currently and going forward in perpetuity as would be perceived by temporal average of me during the duration of this wish would proportionally and simultaneously be suffered by Jafar and any other genie I should encounter at a phenomenal, cosmic scale such that they would be forced to completely empathize with all my suffering
2. I wish Jafar was a cool genie like Shantae instead of an absolute asshole like Jafar
3. I wish my genie was free while retaining their phenomenal, cosmic powers

>>93674897
Shit is the greateast thing in alternate reality.

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>>93674099
I wish that you would grant my wishes exactly as I intend them, including this one, and that you would experience indescribable torture and pain if you do not grant this or any following wishes exactly as I intend them, with the only way of ending said torture to be granting what I asked instead of your twisted version.

Then, I wish for infinite wishes.

>>93674984
indescribable is pretty vague, m8.

Should maybe go for something more definitely effective. I can't describe how passion fruit tastes.

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>>93674099
Its funny. I never know what to wish for with the first 2 wishes but i always want my last one to be that i forget the encounter with the genie so i never have any regrets about it.

>>93675072
Good point. Change indescribable to "the highest amount of pain that has ever been felt in existence multiplied by infinity" or something along those lines. Maybe I could go even into some sadistic tirade about how much pain he'd be in or something to really drive the point home.

>>93675168
>living with regrets
M8, we live in a deterministic universe where you could only be you.

Wanting to have done something else in the past is to want to not exist and instead be replaced by some dopple.

If you well and truly regret anything, then I suggest you kill yourself cause that's the next best thing to not existing. And if you can't do that, I'd suggest you give up those regrets.

That's not to say you can't want your actions to have had different consequences (want to be living in a different universe instead of a different you was living in this universe) or you can't take the position that if you knew what you know now you'd have acted differently then, but genuinely wanting to have done something else in the past is unhealthy.

tl;dr if you have an ounce of love for yourself, you shouldn't live with regrets.

>>93675309
Multiplying it by infinite wouldn't really be effective because then whether or not he acts to end the torture, he'll suffer infinite pain regardless.

>>93675432
True, true, what if it was times googolplex by googolplex squared?

Or maybe I could just say "feel like every single molecule in your body is being torn to shreds over and over" or something. I dunno.

>>93675400
Thanks anon. Its nice to hear a good bit of wisdom know and again, keeps things in perspective (and helps keep my head outa my ass). Chears to people like you for or making 4chan the best shit-hole on the internet.

>>93675400
But if we live in a deterministic world where you can only choose what you choose and can never choose anything else, then someone with regrets has no option or choice to NOT have regrets

In theory couldn't you just wish him to be an ordinary human again?
Yeah, you don't get to abuse his powers hilariously but you also may have successfully removed a powerful malevolent supernatural entity from the world.

Raising a more interesting question: Jafar-Genie vs Wishmaster Genie?

>>93675800
Right, and they'll also have no option when they abandon those regrets or commit suicide upon having this discussion.

I wish for him to no longer be a genie.

>>93674099
>"I wish for you to be cool man. Don't try and pervert, mutate, abuse, or tricky-dick any of my wishes- I'd like them to be clearly and honestly granted the way that you'd have them granted if it were the other way around.


>I want a ring that grants me wishes infinitely
>I want an extra inch on my dick and three more on my height with a match in muscle tone and proportions

>>93675823
Jafar was still pretty powerful as a human.
You just downgraded him from a world threat to a local threat. A pretty huge downgrade and nothing but a net gain but he's still going to rise to power again.

>>93675800
Not who you where replying to but it ultimately does not matter what you choose when you in a universe as vast as ours. Besides in a deterministic multiverse there are infinite number of rigid deterministic universe where ever possible choice and outcome exists simultaneously and independently from one another and thats just the tip of the proverbial physics iceburg

>>93674099
I wish for Jafar to suffer an eternity of mental, emotional, physical, magical pain

>>93676057
it is a very light, bearable pain

>>93675965
True, though before Genie granted him the 'Most powerful sorcerer in the world!' wish, most of Jafar's power came from a collection of mystical relics and being the advisor to an easily manipulated sultan.

He'll rise, sure, but I doubt he'd ever even reach the status he had at the beginning of Aladdin.

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>I wish Norm was my genie instead of this hammy fucko
>I wish I could go party with Norm
>I wish for happiness

>>93676109
its an eternity tho. like tinnitus

>>93674099
I wish any physical pain or mental anguish I experience Jafar also experiences hundredfold.

I wish any physical pain or mental anguish anyone else in the world gets due to a direct consequence of Jafar's action he will experience two hundredfold

I wish for one hundred chicken nuggets.

>>93675823
Easy. Just wish Jafar into the form of a cute, ordinary teenage girl. Then rape him into submission.

>>93674514
kek

>>93677465
What if you wished Jafar to be a genie the opposite gender as you and for him/her to madly love/lust/be obsessed with you, so he/she genuinely wouldn't want to screw with the wishes.

1 : Wish for for TTGL Simon's Spiral Energy Powers. They must equal the exact capabilities that Simon is shown to possess.
2: Wish for the Tenga Toppa Gurren Lagann, the fully functional mecha.
3. Wish to engage in fair combat, the battle must be winnable on my end using the previously granted powers.

I wish you would not grant this current wish.

>>93674188
Wish granted. You are poofed and find yourself strapped face-down in an uncomfortable straw bed. Jasmine is behind you gearing up with the strap-on. Prepare yourself, for it's going in dry.

>>93674099
I wish that the Injustice comics were done over except good this time.

>>93674099
I wish you would die painfully and permanently.

>>93674099
I wish for Jafar's freedom

>>93677860
That's not a wish tough...
>Jafar gives you a lifetime supply of watermelons to punish you for trying to undercut logic itself
>it's only one watermelon

>>93674099
I wish for everything to stop existing in any form

>>93674099
I wish to be a free genie.

I'm fine being semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic. Literally no way to twist it.

>>93674951
that's not much of a cruel twist, he literally has to eat the entire planet, trying to eat that much of anything would be hell.

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>>93674897
Oh damn, that's sadistic!

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>>93674099
>Wish to be an all-powerful demonic wizard.
>Wish for Elven grils to fuck as companions while I take over the world.
>Promise to make the third wish his freedom if, and only if, there is no chicanery in the first two wishes. Sense I'm the "master", and he's a self-interested prick, he'll likely follow along with it solely out of a want for freedom.

>>93674099
>You found a genie. He will grant you 3 wishes.

Okay.

> It's Jafar

Uhuh.

>and he's going to try his hardest to fuck you over while still technically granting your wishes

But anon, that what Genies typically do. By merit of being a Genie alone you HAVE TO be careful about how you wish for something because it's their primary mission to fuck you over.

Wish that no wishes can backfire.

I wish for /co/ to be a safe place.

>>93674099
I wish western animation nowadays to be better animated and have better and more varied designs beyond Calarts.

>>93674341
>Your wishes aren't backfiring, they're working as intended
You're mixing up a monkey's paw with a genie.

Monkey's paws are the easiest method to obtain a wish as intended. A genie intentionally fucks you over.

>>93674099
>"I wish that, if I ever wished myself into a genie, you had to immediately seek out my lamp and wish me free as your first wish".

I like to throw salt in certain wounds.

>>93674099
I wish that you, Jafar the Genie, were extremely kind and not evil.

Frees me up to two more wishes.

I want to rape Jafar!

>>93674897
He is then teleported to an alternate reality where shit is the tastiest thing in existence and planets are the size of a house.

>>93674099
genie teleport the ocean into space

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>>93679935

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>>93674099
I'll probably try and trick him into doing things that aren't technically wishes.

I wish for every wish I make to have Jaffar count as the Genie in context of the wishes I make.

I wish for every negative repercussion of any wish to instead happen to The Genie granting the wishes.

I wish that every time I grant a wish, the genie granting the wish forgets I granted any wish after the powers of the wish have taken place.

I wish the genie's lamp was coated in a thin layer of indestructable glass, and that rubbing the glass would not count as rubbing the lamp for the purposes of releasing the genie.

>>93679873
>planets are the size of a house

Nope. Wisher said a PLANET of shit. Official rule is that in order to be considered a planet, the object has to have enough mass to pull it into a spheroidal shape. A house-sized lump of shit isn't nearly enough.

Even if the shit tasted like honey, having to eat a planet of it would still be torture, and would at least keep him there for a few billion years.

1. I wish for infinite wealth in United States, AMERICAN money. I can never run out of this money.
2. Immortality, meaning I can't die of old age, ever.
3. Invincibility, meaning I can't be killed by anything. Diseases, or sickness of any kind, will never affect me. Bullets, sharp objects, or anything that can pierce the skin will bounce right off, never creating a wound.

>>93680430

Then you fall into a tar pit.

I wish for a lawyer

Everyone here is fuckibg dumb. Go get the most experienced lawyer ever for legal consult; use the first wish, after you have gotten the perfect way to make the wishes you want, to wish for legally acquired wealth so you can at minimum pay for the lawyer if not be rich as fuck. Then make your other two wishes using the lawyers exact words/instruction.

Can't screw over a wish if there is no wiggle room or loose ends.

>>93680430
eventually, when the world has died, you shall wander it, eternally alone, with no food to ease the pain of your hunger. It won't kill you, but the pain will be there.

Also

>can't die of old age

Ah, but you didn't wish for eternal youth, so you will still age, enjoy your perpetual life of being old and tired. you won't be frail, because of the invincibility wish, but you will be weak