Spider-man (1967) Magic Malice

Previous episodes:

Fantastic Four:
https://pastebin.com/tjREijhZ

Spider-man:
https://pastebin.com/86qedmQu

And let's keep chugging along.

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Welcome, ladies, gentlemen, And all 15 of the other genders. I am Blackwell, the great magician and this is my magic show! Please applaud every time one of my great deceptions fool your tiny minds.

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For my first trick, I will make a hat appear out of thin air! For my second trick, I will use that hat to make something else appear! I could make an endless stream of hats appear from hats but then I'd be accused to being Valve

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And now for something queer
rabbits! appear!

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Rabbits?! That's so cliche! Why can't he make porcupines appear? That'd be way cooler

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Speaking of magic, you know what's magical, anon? The moment we're having right now.

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And now that moment is gone. If only I had some of Blackwell's talent...

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He entertains crowds were mere tricks. Me? I'd make miracles happen. What are miracles but tricks on a colossal scale?

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I remember dabbling with magic back in the day. Stole Harry's nose when he was 4 and never gave it back! I thought it was funny, too bad he never forgave me

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Wish I could be there watching that magic show. Spider-man likes magic too but Spider-man can't afford 25 dollar tickets

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Is that... the Green Goblin? Good god, what happened to you mean, you look like some sort of creepy Keebler Elf!

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What's he doing here? He's no theater lover. He can't appreciate anything more sophisticated than a Uwe Boll movie

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Oh And that time Harry brought that cute girl and I sawed her in half! Magic is fun!

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Spider-man: Gobby you haven't committed a crime yet but I'm taking you in anyways!

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That's cheating! You're supposed to fight crime not prevent it!

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But you're not ruining my night! Are you having fun riding bitch? Ahahahaha!

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Laugh Goblin. Laugh

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This is your stop! Thank you for riding Uber. Have a nice night

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Why do I always try grabbing onto the glider for even Goblin I see?

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*twhip*

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*pomf*

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Did anyone see me do the cool thing?! No one saw me do a cool thing. I wonder what Gobby was up to? I should try asking politely next time.

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MEANWHILE AT BLACKWELL'S CASTLE FORTRESS IN THE SUBURBS

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Aha! Blackwell's big book of magic. Let's see what he's got here... , black magic, white magic, strange magic, exorcism, reverse exorcism, collectible tabletop games ah! Here we are! Disappearing tricks!

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This cage looks sufficiently gilded. So it said in the book all I had to do is think about what I want and make it rhyme

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On the count of three we will see this bird go free!

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It works!

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If we're doing magic I'm going to need to go all out. This pimp cane should do the trick! Let's crack open the LOCKED book of magic!

Geode and toads! Lock explode!

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You know what this means, right? You're going to see some cool shit.

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This looks like a good place to start the magic

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Hmmm this could take a while. Better park the glider.

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Wouldn't want it getting impounded. Fucking meter maids. You step away from your glider for 10 seconds and they get ya. I'd never hear the end of it from Hobgoblin if I got towed.

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UGH, this ensemble just screams "I'm over forty and I'm desperately trying to hide it"

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Jewels and gems here we go again

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I stole it! Just like magic!

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What am I doing? Paying for parking? You're losing your edge, Norman.

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I can feel it in me loins! Show me the coins!

There! That'll show the city who's the real mega criminal!

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Here's what we're going to do next. First we're going to find the nearest crane game and take all the good prizes and then we're going to rob some more ALL NIGHT LONG

Haven't laughed this much in a while, this shit is great

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Five bank robberies?! Art galleries! all the gumball machines! This can only be the work of one person! Spider-man!

>>92951108
Thank you

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Peter: I thought we had his phone addiction under control! He was down to 2 phones a day!

Betty: You know how he relapses.

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Mr. Jameson? I doubt that even Spider-man could rob all that by himself in one night. He doesn't have any pockets!

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Hogwash! You think spiders obey the laws of nature when they inject enzymes to magically liquify the insides of their prey? No! It's clearly magic! Spider-magic! Only Spider-man can make things disappear like magic!

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Speaking of magic, Blackwell the Magician had his house robbed last night.

>>92951094
>First we're going to find the nearest crane game and take all the good prizes and then we're going to rob some more ALL NIGHT LONG

Not even magic can help you win claw games Gobby.

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How can you rob a magician's house? They could turn all their valuables invisible. What got stolen?

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Says here his magician's cane and cape. The cops let him file a police report for THAT?

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Mr. Jameson this sounds like a scoop! I'm going to go to Blackwell's house and get pics of the crime scene!

>>92950812
those eyelashes.

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Jameson: The hell you are, you nincompoop!

Peter: But I believe in magic and I hope you do too.

Jameson: Magicians are the most insufferable attention whores on Earth! All they do is dress like a 19th century homosexual and everyone loves em! OOOOH! I made doves appear! OOOH! I can pull a scarf from my sleeve! Baloney! I make the news appear daily where's my Vegas show with half-naked women?!

That Blackwell wants publicity AND HE WON'T BE GETTING IT FROM ME

>>92949859
this is beautiful

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JJ can rant and rave all he wants but I know something's going to happen when Blackwell leaves for work and I'll be ready!

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Spider-man: And there he goes! With his ultra-highbeams on!

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It's a nice night for a stakeout wouldn't you say?

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Should I pimp the glider or not? It could use more chrome...

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There he is! Spidey you're a deductive genius!

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Open up door! Gobby wants more!

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Spider-man: I have you now, Gobby! Norman! I never knew you could read!

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Spider-man? I Thought I got rid of you!

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Now I have magic! You don't stand a chance!

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I can do a little magic too! With the help of my lovely assistants, the police and the district attorneys we can make you disappear behind bars!

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First, let's open with some slight of web

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Green Goblin: Your opening act could use a little warming up!

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WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Faster! Faster!

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*BONK*

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Goblin: It's time! For this!

Spider-man: No! I don't want to go to bed!

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The rain in spain falls mainly on BIND HIM WITH CHAINS

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Wallopin websnappers! Waah happan?

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Up! Up!

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My foe had risen only to meet his doom in a plastic prison! Ahahahaha!

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I swear, you're the whitest rapper since Vanilla Ice

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Oh come on Spider-man you've got to get in the mood. I can be a great host, here, I'll give you a nice, tall glass of water.

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To finish you underwater I'm filling this glass with drinkingwater!

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Good rhyme, Kanye

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I'm going to hit the banks I missed last night so I'll be leaving you now. I always did hate watching people wet themselves ahahaha!

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Must... avoid....swimmer'sear!

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Yw5jkAHgME

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*twhip*

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I'm movin' on up!

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Thankfully there was a conspicuous and consciously sturdy chandelier hanging around.

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Now to do something about these chains. That's it? That's easy! All I have to do is think about what I want and make it rhyme and do it on one go. Ok here goes!

Uh.

These chains are dangerous so I'll be making something...........

CRAP

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There has to be some other way. Oh that's neat, it says this book appears blank to muggles.

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>>92949859

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Magic spells, behelit 411, clow cards... I'm nowhere near where I need to be. Gotta keep browsing one chin page turn at a time

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Toot babamoot scootadupe Open your door and give me loot!

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*BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING*

You. Cut that out

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Rhyming doesn't seem any faster than what I normally do

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>STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM

WaaWHAT?

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We've got you covered! No tricks! Hands behind your head and remove the mask and drop the cane!

You're telling him too many things! Yell something simple! We've gone over this!

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No tricks? You think I brought this cane for show?

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plop

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Police: What's going on?

Goblin: No time for cops and robbers!

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Goblin: Rope tether these two together!

Police: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT MY PERSONAL SPACE

Shit, forgot this was today, bumping

>>92952656
FUCKING 4-KIDS!

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Somebody stop me!

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There's probably more tricks I can learn and I should pick up Spider-man's corpse so I can get a taxidermist to stuff it and mount it beside the fireplace

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Finally! Page 1000! Knew I'd get there eventually. Oh it says you need to find the key part of the chain and give er' a tug

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You are the weakest link. Goodbye

god bless you for doing these each week

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See? It's easy once you know how!

>>92952940
No problemo

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Spider-man: Hey Norman what's up?

Green Goblin: Nothing much. You?

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Hey wait a minute! You're not furniture and you're not my friend! You should be doing the world's best deadman's float right now!

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zzzap

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You know me, never pass up a chance to disappoint

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Gee, wouldn't want to take a blast like that to MY spine. I'd never be able to enter the Spider-man state until I found the magic rock

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Almost forgot the pimp cane!

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Net score: Spider-man 1/ Goblin: 0

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Presto chango

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BUTTERFREE! I CHOOSE YOU!

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The fuck?

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Bombs away!

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GAS!

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SMOKIN'

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I should have known he would have tried the ol' stunbomb spin to win into the wall trick

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MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL, WHERE IS THE GREENEST ONE OF ALL.

IF YOU DON'T SHOW YOURSELF I'LL KEEP CHECKING OUT MY GOOD LOOKS AND VOCALIZING IT

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Goblin: FUCK YOU

Spider-man: Ooooh! So close!

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Where'd that come from?

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IF YOU DON'T COME OUT THIS INSTANT HEADS ARE GOING TO ROLL.

YOU THINK I'M KIDDING? THERE'S THREE SHARP POINTS ON THIS WEAPON AND I CAN USE ALL OF THEM

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Aha!

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No! The good lord already split me there!

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Forget this. I'm gone.

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Oh don't leave now just because you're a little butthurt!

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LET GO

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Sorry Gobby. I'm a little clingy in case you haven't noticed

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YOU WANT THIS SHOW TO CONTINUE? I'll bring the house down!

>>92953941
....oh holy fuck, there's context for this.

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*CRASH*

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Things have gone off the wall
So I'm going to crush your...face

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Hey that don't rhyme with wall

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SO? WHO CARES! I'M NORMAN OSBORN! I DON'T PLAY BY THE RULES!

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Rabbit: Excuse me? Did you just not rhyme? You need to stop. Look at you. You're wearing a halloween mask, you have hotpants, you're wearing a purse.

Goblin: But I liiiiiike it!

Rabbit: No more magic for you. Not now. Not ever!

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Look at this fool breakin' into my home
Cuz he's forever alone
No one ever calls his phone
What a loser, gotta steal from the folks who succeed
He sleeps in his basement while I entertain hunDREEDS
This bitch-nigga here thinks he can be me,
Well look here, son, it ain't never gonna be
So give it up you louse
Get out of my house
But I ain't no narc so I'm not gonna snitch
I think you've learned your lesson as Spider-Man's bitch
You ain't never getting as much puss as me
I got more swag than Bela Lugosi

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Word, my brotha

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Two on one! No one said anything about tagteams!

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Lawl. I'm not listening

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Spider-man: Here's the obligatory talk shit note.

Goblin: I can't read that from here! What's it say?!

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I got this.

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One mischief making goblin courtesy of your friendly neighborhood Spider-man.

Not too bad. Could use some words about shake shake for this fruitcake

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Spider-man and Blackwell caught the Green Goblin who was behind it all? Of COURSE those two would be in this together! Just two attention whores looking for publicity and I am NOT giving them a free ride!

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Mr. Jameson?

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Miss Brant! Fetch me a fresh cup of coffee but before you go, alphabetize my mail and on your way out pick up my dry cleaning. What are you standing around here for? SCRAM

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Uh yeah. I'll get to that. Mr. Blackwell sent you three free tickets to his new show. You interested?

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Freeeee did you say Freeeeee? That's my favorite word in the world. Say it again!

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Yes... he said it's for VIPs only. So who are you going to take? How about your stunning redhead secretary? Turn some heads?

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No! I'm going to take my three favorite people. Me, myself and I!

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WELL? WHAT ARE WAITING FOR? CHINESE NEWYEAR?


THE END

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That's it for tonight. See ya next week! Hope you enjoyed!

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>>92954984
Fucking glorious. Thanks, based Anon!

>>92954984

Pretty good, great job anon

>>92954984
Fuck. I goofed. Way to go me

I thought this was going to just be you transcribing the episode and I was going to bash your autism but seeing as this is some sort of live youtube poop i'm impressed, really work on the gags and surrealism and these could be great

always funny. thanks op.

>>92955582
I try, but I'm not capable of great things so I shoot for good.

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>>92955688
You did a great small thing here, mister Namefag. Even if it doesn't seem like much, it's still something to be proud of.

thanks op, this was amazing

>>92955838
>>92955889

Thank you. We're nearing the end of season 1, and I'm not sure how much of this show I'll do. It gets weird with an egregious amount of recycled footage later with samey plots.

HOWEVER there are plenty of other shows out there with good stuff. Sucks about the capchas, though.

>>92950211
> Norman stole Harry's nose and never gave it back

I can buy this as something that actually happened.

>>92955957
its always great to expand into more territories and once you get good enough you could probably start mixing them together create an amazing hot mess

>>92950151
These storytimes continue to be a reaction image goldmine

>>92958320
I probably have close to a 1,000 images at this point although the show recycles a lot

bumpan for oc

>>92951759
>>92951775
This sounds like an actual quip he'd make.

>>92961014