Old Simpsons quotes?

>>92163588
She counted the stars on the flag?

>>92163640
I guess no, there's only 38

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"Dear Mr. President,

There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate 3. I am not a crackpot."

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Honestly its easier for me to name scenes instead of quotes because a lot of my favorites require some back and forth between the cast

>>92163588
Non-American here, what's up with Missouri?

>APRIL FOO—
>[boom]

"D'OH!"
"A deer!"
"A female deer!"

>>92164354
Its where the tech industry is booming but its sucky farmlands outside of st louis and east st louis is the worst 3rd world murder capital of america

>>92164354
bringing the quote into modern context: its the slum-state where all this PC, pinko bullshit boiled over into full fledged sedition

>>92164354
He's a "crotchety old guy" so they picked a random harmless thing for him to hate. No one irl cares about Missouri

>>92164443
>>92164451
>>92165014
As a Missourian, it's all of these.

>tfw your state's golden age was more than a hundred years ago

>>92163818
They could merge the Dakotas, Virginias and Carolinas

>>92164443
Mind you, East St. Louis is across the river in Illinois.

>>92163818
he's not wrong

>>92165123
But then you'd eliminate only 2 states as those 3 would make 1.

>>92165168
Do we really need New Hampshire AND Vermont? Combine them, Connecticut, Massachusetts, and Rhode Island. At the same time incorporate New Jersey, Delaware, and Maryland into Pennsylvania. Then stitch West Virginia and Virginia back together for laughs. Ditto for the Carolinas and Dakotas.

Something's gotta be done. These stars are getting out of hand.

>>92165277
I always get New Hampshire and Vermont confused on a map

>>92165277
What if we give it the Trump approach.
For every new state that is created, two old ones have to be removed.

>>92163818
Challenge for you guys: Cut the number of states down to seven and only seven in a way that wouldn't spark a second civil war.

Is Missouri really pronounced "mizura"?

>>92164354
>>92164443
>>92164451
>>92165014
I always thought that it was a joke about the Missouri Compromise.

>>92165277

Just slam all of New England together and call it "New England" ffs. And then slam the South together and call it East Texas. Put all those middle states together and call them "who gives a shit"

>>92165502
'Arkansas' is apparently 'Arkansaw'. Don't question how yanks do English.

>>92165502
Miz-ur-ri

>>92165477
Texas, Florida, West Coast, East Coast, Tornado Alley, Alaska, Hawaii.

>>92165936
>Thinking California would put up with "West coast" seriously the only population centers you have to really please are NY, Texas, and California, and then maybe put effort into the smaller but also significant high pop areas.

>>92164354
it's just nonsense. even old simpsons had weak writing at parts. not everything was brilliant. especially that stupid sneed's seed one. why this series gets so much praise is baffling.

>>92165477
>second civil war
>implying that there weren't already two

>>92166017
California is nothing but niggers, hipsters and mexicans. It doesn't matter what the fuck they think, they'd fall in line.

>>92165123
Fun fact, there used to be only one Carolina.

>>92166124
There used to be only one Virginia, the civil war fixed that.

>>92163588
There's 38 on there.

>>92165808
Arkansas is Are-can-saw yes.

Miz-oo-ree is how it's pronounced by non-hicks though.

>>92166244
>animators or any other "artists"
>able to do basic math or any other logical task
Pick one.

>>92165277
I'm from Pennsylvania and I don't want none of that shit. The Delaware river is there for a reason and it's to keep fucking NJ away from us goddamnit.

>>92165477
>in a way that wouldn't spark a second civil war.
Nuke the fuck out of 43 of the states, and threaten to nuke the remaining 7 if they don't play ball.

>>92166242
But that was only for a few weeks after white people arrived.

>>92166260
Okay, and what about Hawaii? Is it ha-waee or hawa-ee? I've heard americans say it both ways.

>>92166281
But don't you have nukes in all states? What if any of the 43 nuke back?

>>92166242
>tfw Lincoln was killed so the original plan to send them all back was scrapped

>>92165510
I thought it was a joke about nobody actually giving a shit about Missouri either way.

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>>92163588
I never really got this one.

>>92166281
pretty sure that would count as a civil war

>>92165502
Local populations are rarely a good way to see how things are pronounced.

Colorado is Call-o-RAD-oh instead of Call-o-ROD-oh

Nevada is Neh-VAD-uh instead of Nev-AH-da

Norfolk, VA become NAW-fuck instead of NOr-fuck

If a person starts their statement with "Well, I'm from _____ and we pronounce it" then just assume they are saying it wrong.

>>92166445
It's supposed to be a joke about sucks and fucks because it rhymes with chuck

>>92166314
Those were a great few weeks.

>>92166445
>chucks fuck and suck

>>92163640
the stars would be aligned differently if one was removed
it'd actually be easier to miss if two were missing instead

>>92166445
It wasn't that great of a joke.

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>>92166039
My Frankenstine

>>92164354
Its where Central City is, so maybe he just hates the Flash

>>92165808
the natives liked calling them weird names to mess with us, so we gave them small pox blankets and killed all those buffilo just to fuck back.

Fuckers should have had a pronounceable language.

>>92166590
The I'm guilty of is Toronto

Tuh-RUN-o instead of toe-RONT-toe

Back away, not today, disco lay-day.

I can't believe she went home with those guys.

>>92165236
What the crap are you talking about?

>>92164354
The joke is that Hawaii wasn't a state until 1959, so some people born before then still refuse to acknowledge it (similar to how people nowadays still insist Pluto is a planet). The joke is that someone's beef with Hawaii has understandable basis, but Abe is such an old coot that nobody understands what the hell his beef with Missouri could be.

>>92164397
>...testi-
>[boom]

>>92166445
Your first thought is that a guy named Sneed thought it would be clever to call a place "Sneed's Feed & Seed" because it rhymes. Then it turns out that it was originally "Chuck's Feed & Seed" and the next owner being named Sneed was a coincidence.

>>92166590
>Colorado is Call-o-RAD-oh instead of Call-o-ROD-oh
>Nevada is Neh-VAD-uh instead of Nev-AH-da
This is because the words are Spanish, not English.

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>>92163588

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oV4POSokRm8

>they pay me $800 a week to tell a cat and a mouse what to do!

I really like when Homer starts his speech after Apu gets a green card.
"If I could say a few words... I'd be a better public speaker!"

It's a legitimately good joke and the fact that Bart clearly appreciates it when no one else does just makes me happy.

>You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.

>>92168582
The current pronunciations aren't the Spanish pronunciations, they were changed by the English speaking populations to distance the states from the Spanish root words.

>>92165477
>that wouldn't spark a second civil war.

You Americans are fucking hilarious. You're all too fat and gutless to go to actual war with each other over anything.

Sorry Mr Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious. But the answer is no!

>>92166242
It was a different time

>>92173598

Thats why they take it out on the middle east instead

>>92168582
Exactly. Most people would pronounce Nevada closer to the way it would be in Spanish. Yet the locals will fight you unless you pronounce it Neh-VAD-uh

>>92172656
So does she get fatter?

>>92165277
Combine West Virginia and Virginia for shits and giggles seeing how their opposite sides of the coin, and combine the Dakota and Caroline together because why not.

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>>92166242
>TMW the framing document of our nation says blacks are only 3/5ths of a person

>>92171260

And the one from the garbage episode, paraphrased

>I'm not very good at speeches, but fuck you, I'm not going to fix your fuck ups

>He's right, he isn't good at speeches

>>92165477
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZbzncPXIUY

>>92166242
Fun fact: it was whites brought blacks to the US.

>>92163588
>>92164354

Hey, here in Latin America they change the joke.

But i cant find the clip.

>>92173936
That's only cause the south had more blacks as slaves and could use the population to gain more power.

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>>92164223
That episode cracks me up so much.

>>92166242
Fun fact: you'd be sucking Indian cock if lazy colonials didn't force blacks, Chinese, and Irish to do everything for them.

>>92165277
>combining West Virginia and Virginia together for laughs

Stop, you don't know what you're doing

There's a reason why no one cared about the hicks in the mountains leaving VA for their own bumfuck VA

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>yes

>>92164354
I'd understand it if it was about Ohio. Seriously, Ohio can burn in hell for all I care.

>>92165808
Ar-kansas

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>>92173936

>>92166108

this entire scene is gold

>an enema kit....nono, make it two
>hmmm, I dont know what you've got planned, but count me out
>throws the firecracker in the fridge
>*Gasp!* THE BEER

>>92174655

LOOK OUT, SMITHERS

>>92174411
A classmate has this denim trousers with a patch of the candy Venus on them, and she's got this round, pretty ass. She's also kinda of a tumblrine feminist.

Kippers for breakfast, Aunt Helga?

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>>92163588
>HOMER: So, Mr. Malloy, it seems that the cat has been caught by the very person that was trying to catch him.
>SKINNER: How ironic.

>>92174411
The dramatisation kills me every single time
>With a MAN in the white house? Not likely!

>>92175519

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGoq_31rdcE

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Asleep at the switch?

I wasnt asleep, I was drunk!

>>92175519
>>92175574
>>92175631
Man, good episode.

>>92165477
Just divide it up the way Hickman did in East of West.

>>92166030
>especially that stupid sneed's seed one
Autism detected

>>92166048
>all culture I get comes from those niggers, hipsters, and mexicans

nice post fly over state

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>>92165477
r8

>>92163818
Indiana, Alabama, West Virginia, in that order.

There, I've saved the world from three festering shitholes. Where's my prize?

>>92176930
To not have said Florida means you must live in Florida... I'm sorry.

>>92176972
It was next on list. Given the option, I would eradicate exactly 30 states from the face of the planet. If it's any consolation, however, I do live in one.

>>92174037
Jews aren't white.

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Here we go, the perfect flag for everyone. I am definitely not evil, haha.

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>>92175317
It's one of my fav episodes
From Marge walking in and out of the room with crispy squares
Marge in the background cleaning the mess after the dishwasher explodes
And pic related

>>92166445
/tv/ needs to go

>>92176721
>Putting Alaska in the same state as California
>No civil war
Yeah, ok buddy.

>>92166590
>Colorado is Call-o-RAD-oh instead of Call-o-ROD-oh
I've lived in Colorado for 17 years and nobody says Call-o-RAD-oh. The fuck are you going on about?

>>92176721
Maine would secede from mass again.

>>92177343
where in CO? Because I've heard more people say it as rad than rod

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>AURORA BOREALIS

This entire skit is 2:40 minutes of pure comedy gold, but ironically I can't remember literally anything else from that episode.

>>92177412
I was in Longmont for most of it, lived in Boulder and Louisville as well.

>>92177415
The answer is fries.

>>92165808
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04hHIezRMPk

>I know you can read my thoughts boy.
>Meowmeowmeowmeow meowmeowmeowmeow meowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeow

https://youtu.be/yICU1pQ8fkM

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>>92176721
>>92177323
I edited this out.

This is the closest thing we can get with today's science.

>>92164451
I live in Missouri and it's almost surreal going from upper class surburbia to east saint Louis the place is such a shit hole we had to seal up the houses I work on for charity so the copper would get stolen, the IKEA is pretty nice though

>>92166366
What was Lincoln deportation plan anyways

>>92166366
John Wilkes Booth should be the most hated man in America

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T E S T I N G

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>>92165477

>>92174037
Please. It was a joint effort. The Africans captured them, the Jews shipped them, and the Whites bought them.

>>92178273
Jews are white

>>92178115
I think what needs to be considered is who is willing to fight, and for what. That's key to the "avoiding a war" question.

Mormons are willing to fight for their own state. So they get one (even if it's just the one they already have)

Southerners will fight for Virginia (even if it's culturally compromised to to DC's sprawl) and Florida (compromised by Caribbean immigration).

Texas is would want a fight for just about anything: giving them New Mexico and Colorado when those are culturally more similar to California is basically just so they don't start shooting.

Really the only civil war I'd be afraid of with this setup is the CANADIAN civil war when BC decides it wants to be a part of Cascadia.

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>>92178375
Ok shlomo

>>92177865
We don't cross the river! Not for charity, not for anything! East St. Louis is a fucking lost cause and it's not our problem. Fucking flatlanders need to relocate the people there and burn the place down.

>>92178375
"White" is shorthand for "Germanic" anon. It's not just about skin tone.

>>92178375
Then why don't they ever show up to White Pride rallies?

>>92178375
>(You)

>>92174270
yeah it was about "this isnt a patriotic ceremony" and old gramps said "my country needs to apologize my son before anything" or something patriotic.

it was acually not a joke at all, and made the scene actually meaningfull.

once again Latin dub is best.

>>92163818
South Dakota, North Dakota, and Montana.

>>92177415

Im from albany and Ive never heard of that

oh, well of course, its from Yutaca

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>>92166802
kek

>>92164354
He's a Jayhawker

>>92178711
Other way around.

>>92177962

lots of big boats

>>92167469
There are 50 states.
To eliminate 3 that would mean thered be 47 states.
If you took 3 states and merged them into 1 then that would mean you only eliminated 2.There would be 48 states,47 original ones and the new 1 that was created from 3 merged states.
You would need to merge 4 states to make it 47 states.

>>92179177
They merged 6 states into 3.

>>92179177
How short was the bus you took to school?

>>92177146
T. Enclave

>>92163818
honestly it's the opposite, we don't have enough, California could easily be split into two to three states, and Texas could be anywhere between three and 5

>>92165277
if Jersey were to get integrated into another state it'd probably be with New York

>>92176721
>the West, despite not having the westernmost states as part of it
0/10

>>92179177
you are some kind of special moron
ND + SD = Dakota
NC + SC = Carolina
V + WV = Virginia
you've reduced 6 states to 3, which is exactly what Abe was asking for.

>>92166264
>Being autistic
You try drawing fifty stars on 20 different frames just so autists won't complain. And this is before digital where you could zoom in, copy and paste stuff. This was all pen on 8 x 12 paper.

>>92166590
I pronounce Atlanta like it-lanta. I know you're a dirty carpetbagger if you pronounce the way its spelled.

>>92177709

Idaho and Montana are closer to the West states than the Breadbasket states.

>>92178115

Arizona would just start shooting if you put us with California.

>>92178273
>Blaming Jews despite all logic or facts
Ahhh 4chan, never change

>>92173598
>fat and gutless
Ironic isn't it

>>92179693
I was born and raised in Columbus. No one says it-lanta

>>92166314
It's technically pronounced Hava-ee because w's in Hawaiian are supposed to be read as v's, but if you say it like that and aren't a native you look like a pretentious dick.

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>>92174484
>glorified farm equipment for a minority of mercantile elite built America
Fun fact: you're a faggot.

>>92180556
Maybe because you don't live in Atlanta, dipshit.

>>92163588
"Do you reject Satan and all his empty promises?"
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

>>92163588
>There's only 38 stars on the flag

So was that the joke or did literal retards make The Simpsons?

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She's got the "munchies" for a California Cheeseburger

>>92178511
>and made the scene actually meaningfull.
Came to say this.

But while putting the flag he said "Before anything, It's the fatherland the one who needs to forgive my son" And that counts as a joke

>>92177415

Do you find something amusing about my appearance when I am driving my automobile?

>>92172656
>>92173872
asking the real questions

>>92181246
Ive been to Atlanta a million times and have spent lots of time there, asshat. No one says it-Lanta
I'd allow et-lanta but not it-lanta

>>92166590
Can confirm. I live in New Orleans ("Naw'lins") Louisiana.

>>92175574
I don't get it. What is Homer saying?

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skinner. always skinner

>>92166048
CA is about 60/40 actually. Remember that there is a ton of agriculture and mountain people. Bakersfield is basically a Texas City.

>>92182909
Yat is a fun accent

>>92182909
What was that movie? I want to say something by Tarantino. Where the two guys ask you if you pronounce the capital of Louisiana as New Orleans or Nawlins, and if you get it wrong they kill you. The correct way to pronounce it is "Baton Rouge."

>>92183545
Wait. Fuck. It was El Cid's Death Porn, wasn't it?

>>92165510

I think it's funny because every will fill in their own personal opinion of Missouri into the joke.

>>92183023

S: Any sign of the burglar?
H: He'll show.
S: How's that?
H:It's his job
S: How's that?
H: He's a burglar

>>92183839
Ah. Thank you. I still kinda don't get it.

>>92176721
>>92177709
As an alaskafag:
Both of these options would probably cause us to riot, but texas would be infinitely worse for both of us.
No seriously, fuck texas.

>>92166896
It's Tronno

It's a pornography store...I was buying pornography

>>92179567

I think Texas is a lot more culturally cohesive than California is. Northern Cali pretty much despises SoCal, whereas most Texans I've spoken to just seem to be happy to be Texans. About the only place Texans seem to feel alienated from is Austin.

>>92165825
ミズリ

>>92165808
As someone from Massachusetts. Don't ask us how to pronounce some of our places.

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This whole episode

>I didnt even give you my coat!

>>92174746
Ohioian here
Ohio will burn regardless of your feelings

>>92178060
I tried this once
It doesn't work

>>92183430
I was never "with it"
I think It has made for a happier life

>>92182719
Nigga its Allana

>>92184469
>About the only place Texans seem to feel alienated from is Austin.
Which, incidentally, is infested with SoCal refugees who can't afford to live in SoCal anymore. Maybe once they've driven their own property values up to an unsustainable level again they'll pick a new favorite state and get the hell out of Texas.

WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP? PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!

>>92173242
He's got me there...

>>92170974
Lousy Smarch weather...

>>92165277

>making bigger states

Efficient Representative government should be the gold standard in what we aim for. Big states should be broken up.

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This has influenced my opinion of Mt. Dew to this very day.
>>92185645
>It doesn't work
yeah. Unfortunately after one or two you just get "maximum battery to speaker power output"

>>92184469

>cultural cohesion

Bingo, bango. Cultural cohesion directly correlates to the ability of a representative government to, you know, REPRESENT effectively the needs of its citizens. The more cohesion, the less conflicts, the happier the populace. California and New York are customers 1 and 2 for needing some splits. Texas, I am not well versed enough on.

>>92163818
>I am not a crackpot
I love that line.

>>92183180
You mean Armin Tamzarian

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>>92187079
sigh

>>92165502
Missouri is pronounced as "Misery", as anybody who left that shithole will be all too eager to tell you.

>>92163588
I dont get it, whats wrong with missouri?

>>92188007
>whats wrong with missouri?
They picked Missouri because there's no one big thing wrong with the state but it's still a burning dumpster fire.
I mean, you can't even point to any one thing and say THATS why Missouri is so fucked up. At least then they'd have something to blame but no. Missouri is has no excuse.

>>92164354

it´s the one of the most richest states of America.

>>92163752
>There really is only 38
Thought you were just fucking with me.

>>92163588
"No beer and no tv make Homer go crazy"

>>92182443

Was this a reference to something?

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>>92168125
Underrated post

>>92163588
these berries taste like burning!

>>92189349
it's an abortion joke

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>>92163588

>>92190136
No it isnt you doofus

>>92189349
There was an era of educational material depicting marijuana use as making you crazy and deadly.
Reefer Madness!

Bake him away, toys.

>>92180202
>claiming Jews didn't do anything because you're uneducated on the subject

CSA's flag is an X because a Jewish slaveowner complained about the original Cross design.

>>92166314
>what if any of the 43 nuke back?
wut the literal fuck?

>>92165123
>forcing Best Carolina to have to deal with all of SC's shit
no pls

>>92190136
>>92190427
>>92189349

It was a reference to an urban legend that had been perpetuated/started during the era of pot hysteria.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Baby-Roast
^ This, specifically.

>>92189349
>>92190427
You'll eat broken glass and jump out a window!

>>92191037

Thank you anon, that answered my question superbly.

>In the 1979 blaxploitation film Avenging Disco Godfather, a PCP addict claims to have honey-roasted her baby for her family's Easter dinner, ostensibly so the baby's crying wouldn't spoil the occasion.

Wew fucking lad.

>>92168010
Only one here to actually get it.

>>92165553
>and call it east Texas
10/10, drunkenly laughed and made an ass of myself in public, good one anon.

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A la grande le puse cuca

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>>92165808
Don't whine about American English names, we've got all the holdover horseshit from England, as well as trying to stuff half of Europe and relic Native American names into normal common parlance. In one state you could have Dutch names, English names that are old Latin Roman names, Choctaw words, and random other goofy pronunciation rules too.

BUT DON'T THINK YOU ARE FREE FROM THAT BULLSHIT.
How do you pronounce Gloucester? Glow-kester? Glaw-sess-ter? NO. GLUSSTUH. YOU LIMEY FUCKS.
Don't even get me started on Whales.

>>92191234

U N A V E L A
N
A
V
E
L
A

>>92191037

> When police arrived, she confessed that she had put the girl in the oven along with a cat she had recently shot dead, while making sexual advances toward an officer and singing praise to God.

wat?

>>92179177
wtf anon? I'm mexican and even I understood that.

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Let the bears pay the bear tax! I pay the Homer tax!

>>92188897
"No beer and no tv make homer something something."
"go crazy?"
"DONT MIND IF I DO!"

That's specious reasoning.

>>92174037
Fun fact: the first American slave owner was black

>>92191323
reefer madness. She shot up with a weed and went permanently INSANE

>>92191537
typical, white man can't even have his own idea without stealing it from a black man.

>"Sir, there's a bee in my eye.."

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>>92166030
>especially that stupid sneed's seed one

>>92191435
Urge to kill fading... fading... faaaaading... RISING!... fading... fading... gone.

>>92191361

That's the homeowner tax.

>>92191537
[citation needed]

>>92177299
Yeah, I did saw a similar thread on /tv/
>>92191361
this episode was way ahead of it's time

>>92191361
One of my favorite episodes, and it informs today's culture beautifully.

>So where to eat? You like Thai?
>Tie good. You like shirt?

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>>92165477

why do american politics ruin even the best of threads

>>92165477
Texas, The Thirteen Territories, California, Rocky Mountains, Great Plains, Hawaii, Alaska

>>92185008
Why the fuck are his pockets filled with loose sugar

>>92192587

>Lumping Michigan with anything below the Mason Dixon Line

Hang yourself.

>>92191524
Thank you sweetie.

>>92194706
>not merging Hawaii and Alaska into the Freak States Union

>>92191323
>>92191148
PCP will do that to people. There was some small time rapper back in the early 2000s that took some, and a day later he killed his girlfriend, ripped her chest-cavity open and ate her. Look up Big Lurch.

>>92195190
you tellin' me there's an actual drug that makes people literally act like the crossed?

oh boy

>>92168125
>Your first thought is that a guy named Sneed thought it would be clever to call a place "Sneed's Feed & Seed" because it rhymes. Then it turns out that it was originally "Chuck's Feed & Seed" and the next owner being named Sneed was a coincidence.

And the fact that your mind even went to "Suck and Fuck" is supposed to show that YOU'RE the one who has a dirty mind. The name is a mere coincidence.

>>92175521
>Grab her by the pussy.

>>92164223
the origin of post-truth

>>92177709

This is correct. Although I do think Texas would snag a little of east Louisiana too because fuck them, what are they gonna do about it?

>>92178375

White people only become white when other white people decide they suddenly like them. "White" used to exclude all those dirty races from the Isles, and Southern/Eastern Europe.

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>>92184849
Sup, fellow Masshole.

>>92175424
Go to her
Grab her ass.
Its what she wants.

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>>92195428
Well, most of the time, random bouts of cannibalism is the furthest extreme, although I wouldn't be surprised if it caused MONSTER COCK level escapades

>>92176930
>Alabama
>Shithole
Yes keep thinking that while I have 30mb internet, a cheap large place, friendly neighbors, cheap shopping, and all the comforts people think we dont have.

I'll keep enjoying my secret paradise while suckers like you scare all the dumb cali libs away who would drive up prices and housing. Thank you.

>>92164223
>I don't know Homer Simpson, I never met Homer Simpson or have any contact with him, but-

>>92193794
Unironically agree desu

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There's a lot of flag-burners,
Who have got too much freedom,
I want to make it legal
For policemen to beat'em.

'Cause there's limits to our liberties,
At least I hope and pray that there are,
'Cause those liberal freaks go too far.

>>92170974
can't believe I only just understood this joke, i have seen this so many times and never understood that line.

>>92177932
that's genius

>>92194755
are you saying yours aren't?

>>92165510
Correct. This was ask of the original writers back in 08 and they shared it was one of those subtle jokes that many would just see as random but people with some education would get the bigger joke of implying he is old as fuck

>>92165477
>New England
Capital: Boston
Maine, Massachusetts, Vermont, Rhode Island, New Hampshire, Connecticut
>Adirondack
Capital: New York
New York, New Jersey, Delaware
>Appalachia
Capital: Philadelphia
Pennsylvania, Ohio, Maryland, West Virginia, Tennessee, Virginia, North Carolina, Kentucky
>Dixie
Capital: Atlanta
South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana
>Huron
Capital: Chicago
Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota
>Ozark
Capital: Austin
Texas, Arkansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, Kansas, Iowa
>Zion
Capital: Denver
Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, Utah, Nevada, California
>Teton
Capital: Seattle
Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Oregon, Washington, Alaska

A- AURORA BOREALIS!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, LOCALIZED entirely within your kitchen?!

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>>92196187
Yes.

>>92196267
...may I see it?

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>>92196362
... no.

>>92196437
SEYMOUR! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!

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>>92196479
No mother, it's just the Northern Lights.

>>92195623
You're not fooling anyone, Forrest. Your state is statistically a shithole.

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>>92166264
God Bless those brave korean slave animators and their willingness to work for peanuts.

>>92195693
Or you could just get good at the race, baka.

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>>92186545
Just the concept of "Crab Juice" makes me giggle

>>92196164
This is assuming Hawaii gets kicked out

>>92178115
What makes Utah so special

>>92197440
Mormons, I think?

>>92163818
kill california

>>92196545
That's just the blacks, which are easy to avoid. Remove them and we actually do alright as a whole. Need some type of program to move them to California.

>>92183327
Most of the farms are owned by one Jew who won't stop growing almonds and other shit for Chinks. You'd solve your water crisis if he bit a curb.

>>92186545
Hey, I'm not proud of what I've done to raise my caffeine level, but the Dew has saved me in many a pinch.

>>92195508
>Grab her by the gummy venus.

>>92165429
Keks gently

>>92178375
Yeah sure.
https://youtu.be/3_fwPO4MjIY

>>92165477
sink Florida

>>92177415
well can I see it?
hmm no

>>92177647
I just love how things burst into flames so easily.

>>92178273
>>92180202
Try again anon

The major plantation owners of the south were jews. The CSA was another one of their little plans to set up another jewistocracy. When that did not work out they then decided to totally subvert the US system through the freed slaves

>>92194316
>american politics
American politics haven't ruined anything.
It's the american idiots who think they understand them, and the bigger even idiots who think that know better than the former idiots.
It's those people that shouldn't be allowed here.

>>92177932

Strange. That was non-alcoholic champagne.

>>92163588
"It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMEAjTYwEew&feature=youtu.be

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>>92191037

>In March 2016, a 35-year-old mother in Texas showed up naked at her neighbor's door with her partially burned and naked 2-year-old daughter. When police arrived, she confessed that she had put the girl in the oven along with a cat she had recently shot dead, while making sexual advances toward an officer and singing praise to God.

>>92190948
>merge the Carolina's
>NC and sub fall-line SC duke it out because Charleston's the population and culture center
>upstate sweeps in and rules both with an iron fist

>>92177709
Don't you fucking lump me in with Texas

>>92201003
[citation fucking needed]

>>92183873
They think they are smart in thinking the burglar is guaranteed to show up, given that showing up at people's houses is what burglars do. But the point of being a burglar is to show up when nobody is expecting it.

>>92203819
also it's clearly a reference to something, but I don't know that part.

>>92166590
>live in Colorado
>call it Call-o-ROD-oh
>Usually just Call-eh-ROD-oh

>>92164443
The tech industry is booming in missouri?

>>92176721
Heartland reporting in.
KY

>>92204396
I can't say whether it's booming or not, but I've definitely noticed a big shift in the kind of business going on here over the last decade or so.

I went back to my hometown recently and it was bizarre. My tiny hillbilly town had bike paths and coffee shops and public art.

>>92194755
He's a sweet guy.

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>>92177415
That skit was gold

>>92197534
>Remove them and we actually do alright as a whole.

If your goal is to reach redneck equilibrium, then sure. Otherwise, your state is still the laughing stock of the western world.

>>92175574
>Security Alarm
>DO NOT TURN OFF

>>92178425
Honestly I agree my brother had a high school freind who got fucking shot up there we have so many the whole are really should be paved over or turned into a fucking wildlife preserve I'm still confused on why east saint Louis is such a shit hole

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>>92195567
what the shit yo

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>>92192587

fixed

>>92207318
The same reason the whole region went bad. Industry dried up. East St. Louis just went bad sooner and faster because Illinois doesn't give a damn about any place that isn't Chicago. Plus, Illinois is fucking broke. They don't have the money to take care of places that aren't lost causes.

The place would be a ghost town if the people left there could afford to move ANYWHERE else.

>>92197054
The running gag about Mountain Dew being gross always confused me. I live in England where Mountain Dew never existed until a few years back, so I had no idea it was a soft drink.

To be fair its not great, basically just like drinking sugar.

>>92207855
Crossed is edgy for the sake of edgy pretty much. It can be fun at times just to see how hilariously retarded the edge gets.

>>92165123
>Tying West Virginia back into a those seditious bastards

Even West Virginia doesn't deserve that.

>>92192209
Whatever. I'm still outraged!

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>>92165123
There's only one way the Dakotas could settle their differences without fighting

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.

>>92177415
Professor Frink, Professor Frink, he'll make you laugh he'll make you think when he does the... stuff with the... no wait, please!

I am going to kill that monkey.

>>92209455
Ah could call mah Ma from up here
HEY MA! GET OFF THE DANG ROOF!.

>>92208447
Sprite is like 10 times better though.

I'm sure whatever obscure, regional, or only-found-in-select-stores soda is your favorite is better too

>>92166590

Oh there's nothing half way, about the I oh way to treat you, which we may not do at all

>>92194755
>Do you want any cream?
>Nnnnnnno.

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>>92207945
Much much better version than both of yours, if you want full autism split Nevada in two, shift over East WA and most of OR, and make the Maine Vermont and New Hampshire into Conservative Northland.

>>92203880
Dragnet. Old TV show about cops, they talked in very short, to the point sentences with each other.

>>92210036

2nd map poster here, I was trying to limit myself to 7 regions like the first guy did. What are yours named?

>>92210399
Red - Pacific NorthWest
Light Orange - Fiesta South
Blue - Old West
Marron - North Plains
Grey - Great Lakes
Teal - Mid-West
Purple - Lone Star
Green - Rebel South
Pink - Costal South
Dark Orange - Old America

Not much thought put into the names.

>>92210716
>light orange
>dark orange

you mean...yellow and orange?

Also I don't see how Colorado and Idaho can be in the same group

>>92210871
Idaho is better off by itself or divided up between the other mega-states, it's basically the black sheep, more so than Utah.

>>92165477
>Cut the number of states down to seven
Sure
>that wouldn't spark a second civil war.
...No

>>92192587
This is not really fair.
Lone Star got more territory than all the other states combined.

>>92209637
>Sprite is like 10 times better though.
Not him, but is mountain dew just like sprite but worse?

Now sprite here may be made a bit different, but at least it's a reference point.

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT SINGERS DID IT!
Now excuse me I have to use the out house

we don't have an out house

MY TOOL SHED!

>>92209637
I can't stand Sprite now since my mom used to make me drink it everytime I was sick and throwing up as a kid

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>>92210036
>>92210399
>>92210716
ya'll just putting too much thought into this. This is the best from everyone's and following the criteria

>>92203789
You'll never get one

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yes I am watching simpsons right now if you're wondering

>>92212098
I was wondering, thank you.

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>>92211522

>Idaho and Arizona part of Pacifica

>>92194651
>the writers forgot skinner was a stone cold killer in nam and flanderized him into oblivion
I honestly liked the Tanzarian episode, what killed this show for me was his slow descent into faggotry

>TOU!