Spider-man (1967) The Slippery Professor Von Schlick

Previous Spider-man eps
https://pastebin.com/86qedmQu

Previous Fantastic Four eps
https://pastebin.com/tjREijhZ

>>92138536
>schlick

Needs to be reimagened as a pretty boy

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Look at that fire! It's coming from the direction of the oil storage docks! Spider-man solves crimes against nature as well as crimes against man!

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"Hey Albert! Are you sure we should be putting out an oil fire with water?"

"SHUT UP IT'S ON FIRE!"

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FAll back men fall back! We're surrendering to the fire! We've already lost Battalion Chiefs 1 through 8 and there's nothing more we can do!

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Holy shit even the smoke is on fire

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What was I thinking coming up here, that fire is out of control!

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But wait! There's someone here who doesn't belong.

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I AM A PRETTY BOY

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HMMM there's more than oil cooking here tonight!

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That fire should keep them busy until I finish! Yeah! Finish! That may be a couple of hours because I'm a goddamn stud!

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But with no around to hear the innuendo does it really count?

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Spider-man: Hey pal!

Schlick: Spider-man?! I wanted Spider-woman! Oh well, just have to stare at your ass and build a fantasy around dat feminine ass.

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Did YOU start this fire? If so, cut that shit out.

>>92138784
>>92138805
>Professor Von Schlick
>not a busty babe in bondage gear with a science degree and a turbo-charged libido
They blew it!

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>>92138689
That's actually how fire works with most burning solids and liquids. Heat causes evaporation form the surface of a liquid, or a chemical breakdown that releases flammable gas from solids, and this gas is what actually burns. In large fires where there isn't enough oxygen to burn all this flammable gas, it can remain hot for a while, eventually reaching oxygen farther out and producing flames that extend far into the plume of smoke. And dark smoke like that typically contains a lot of carbon particles that are themselves flammable, though less so than the gases.

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Have some of my gunk! Been saving it for weeks!

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EWWW GROSS

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*huff huff huff*

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Would you like a hot oil treatment? My juices run, and it makes you juices run harder! Skeet skeet!

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I'm sliding my way to hell and I can't stop!!!!

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WHOA WHOA WHOA

>had a fun film night with buddies I don't see that often
>catching up on Saturday Morning Scrublords
> got in time for this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfddYDRIFGY

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Feets don't work but the webs never fail!

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Swinging on nothing but I don't caaaaaaare

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Spider-man: You've had your fun now I'm taking you in oily or not!

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You can't catch me! I'm covered in sexy oil! It keeps the ladies from grabbing too much of me!

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50% of the world is waiting for me and I've wasted enough time on you!

>>92139064
I can't tell whether the villain's slippery goop has secondary shrinking powers or if the animators can't into perspective.

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The hell is going on down there?

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I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to throw my body at it until the problem stops!

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Spider-man: Gotcha!

Schlick: No! Not the ankles!

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Schlick: I'm irresistible to the ladies, Spider-man. You chasing me is just weird and creepy.

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Why thank yBLRRRRRGARAHHH

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HE'S GONE! AND SO IS THE OIL! So that was what he was after!

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Spider-man set that fire, Parker! You can make an anagram involving arson from his name!

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No you can't

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DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN'T DO. YOU TRY TO CORRECT MY WORDPLAY TALENTS AGAIN AND YOU'RE GETTING A DICTIONARY ACROSS THE FACE AND THEN I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU LOOK UP THE DEFINITION OF PAIN.

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Mr. Jameson! Reports are coming in from all over the city! Oil trucks, barges, lawnmowers, cars, rollercoasters, lanterns, tin men! They've lost all their oil!

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Jameson: That's ridiculous! How could Spider-man steal all that oil?

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Hmmmm the question isn't how, it's where is it hidden. That's the conundrum.

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>>92139548

Don't look at me for a clue, young man! You're on your own to figure this out!

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Burning the midnight oil! Hah haa! Hah haa! Coverterting oil into the most powerful element known to man!

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I call it Super oil!

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And then I combine super oil with my secret formula, comprised of 31 herbs and spices

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And then I'll sell that and make all the money in the world and that will make the most eligible bachelor of all time! Mwahahahahaha!

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And if Spider-man tries to stop me! I'll give him the slip!

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Ahahahaha! Females enjoy it when you can be jocular.

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There's a barge full of oil! It has many uses like creating plastics and hair products and generating electricity and paving roads. Oil! It makes modern society go!

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Ahhh! It was going so well! There's a hole! And the oil! It's going against the current!

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Von schlick! Only he could pull this stunt! I bet he's after this black gold with his slippery tricks!

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Hope there's enough dawn soap at home to clean me off like those adorable penguins once we're through here.

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The oil is being drawn by my magnetic oiloscope just as I planned! Now to channel it into my private pipeline!

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It's being directed to this old barge! What the F?

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DAMNIT! I'M TOO OILED TO WALLCLIMB

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webs still work ok

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Spider-man! You really do care? BUT YOU CARE TOO MUCH AND YOU HAVE TO DIE

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You say something? This webbing got stuck and I gotta untangle it

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Just that I need this oil! With you out of the way I'll set up womens oil wrestling tournaments! 3 times as hot as mud wresting you'll see! Now have some of Von Schlick's patented adhesive oil!

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IT'S GLUE. IT'S FUCKING GLUE. YOU ONLY MADE GLUE.

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I was shooting sticky things from my hands before it was cool

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Hah! Did you forget that your webs are helpless against me, Spider-man?

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Mistakes were made. I'll find a way out of this situation and then I'll make fun of your costume.

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Then let's cover all situations!

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I'M NOT YOUR BUBBLE BUDDY, PAL FRIEND.

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Von Schlick: And now we remove the adhesive oil! But leave your costume untouched!

Spider-man: That can't be good for the pores.

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Von Schlick: And now the final touch!

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Bon Voyage webface!

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He thought he'd be rid of me but he didn't count on Spider-man making a webiken! Spideys tricks are way sharper than his!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMya0nXapNE

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The barge is gone! HOW I MEAN! WHERE!

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THE WHOLE CITY IS GRINDING TO A ALT WITHOUT ANY OIL

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Mister Jameson, you're so upset you're neglecting consonants again but I need to to tell you...

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ISS RANT AN'T OU EE I'M ON HE HONE!

You, whoever I'm talking to, make sure the oil gets here on the double. I don't care if it's your job.

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Miss Brant! Stop all the presses! I want you put out an extra that the military is sending some emergency oil through a top secret pipeline, understand? Now, what did you want?

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Just to give you some good and bad news. The Good news is that the presses are already stopped. The bad news is that they won't start again because you converted them to run on oil and we don't have any.

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WHY WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN TO ME? AL GORE WARNED ME ABOUT OIL AND DID I LISTEN? NO, IN MY HUBRIS I TRIED TO PROVE HIM WRONG.

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It's a slog now, but when the ladies hear some of your crude jokes, von schlick, the flood of puss will be worth it. Patience.

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WHAT? I'M OUT OF OIL?! BUT I'M NOT DONE YET.

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I NEED MORE OIL! AND IF I CAN'T GET ANY TEXAS T I'LL NEED TO FIND A LOT OF TEENAGERS

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This mask won't win any fashion awards, but i'll let me breath oil.

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And this'll make the webs thrice as sticky! Von Schlick, you've finally met your match!

Hiiiiiiiii betty

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PETER, I KNOW IT'S YOU, I CALLED YOU. I CAME TO REPORT YOU THAT THE MILITARY PIPELINE IS LOSING ALL ITS OIL

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Really? How much have they lost?

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Oh I don't know? All of it? Mister Jameson wants you to get down to the top secret military base. He didn't say where it was, because that's a state secret, but he wants pictures on his desk by tomorrow morning!

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You think Jameson has it against me or something?

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Why'd I wear a tie to work? I'm overdressed!

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There's Von Schlick's trail! The guy just won't wash his feet!

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There's your pictures, picklepuss. Hope you're happy.

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Up the ladder even?! Somehow more gross!

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This adhesive oil will hold everything in place until everything's bone dry!

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Hey! I know you! That costume! You're Rain! Rain from Mortal Kombat! How ya been, man, I useds to main you back in the day! Can I have your autograph?!

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SHUT UP THAT WAS THE OLD ME. ED BOONE WON'T TREAT ME FAIRLY SO I STRUCK IT OUT ALONE! DON'T REMIND ME OF THOSE DARK TIMES! I DO OIL NOW! OILLLLLLL!

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You keep spraying me with oil. Rude.

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But it won't stop me. This suit's coated in anti-oil molecules.

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HAPHER MAGANAABRERIS

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BANANA! BANANA!

>>92139565
I laughed way harder at this than I should have

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THEY'RE SHOOTING AND SHOUTING NONSENSE. FUCK THIS I'M OUT.

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Come on in Spider-man! The oil's fine!

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Why am I even wearing this? Oh well! Where Von Schlick leads I follow!

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The viscosity of this should make the oil incredibly thick, crushing even, and yet, here we are.

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It leads right to... the sewer? So that's where he's been hiding all the oil! In a place that stinks as much of this plot!

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Good! Good! This is my secret formula! Not only is it poo water, but mixed with oil it makes natural gas! That's right, the future is literally shit and I was the first to know it!

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And once I have enough of these to sell, I'll make enough money to satiate even the most discerning of gold-diggers and show how the big O isn't just orgasms! It's OIL!

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Spider-man: That's you goal? Women?! I bet you don't even know where the cliroris is!

Schlick: Pennsylvania, I think

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Good! Because I didn't know either!

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Let me tell you about women, they don't care just about money, but about deeper things, like how you look, how good you are at dancing, how nicely you dress, if you're bigger and tougher than other guys around. You've wasted your life, my friend.

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So you've caught me. Now what?

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Now you take it easy, greasy, while I open the water valve!

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Von Schlick: No! You can't! Don't you know you that oil and water don't mix?! YOU'LL KILL US ALL YOU MADMAN!

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And if we're lucky, I'll take out an entire city block.

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WRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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*WARNING! WARNING! REACTOR BREACH IMMINENT*

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YOU CAN'T! YOU'LL DESTROY MY LIFE'S WORK!

>>92142112
DUH NUH

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I can, I will, I did, I'd do it again, and I enjoyed it.

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*EVACUATE. EVACUATE.*

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NO! I CAN'T DIE A VIRGIN!

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Spider-man: This is what Bidays are like?! What have I been missing all these years?! My ass is so clean you could eat off it!

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*SMACK*

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Owwwwww my head.Maybe I shouldn't have blown up the lab, maybe I should have tried to keep some of that oil instead of spreading it everywhere. That's sure to perturb some more environmentally conscious hero out there. Well screw em, I caught the bad guy. I'm a hero.

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Check out this headline Mister Jameson! Von Schlick snafu'd by your friendly neighborhood Spider-man! You have to admit that he's a real hero this time!

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HERO? Try ZERO! He could have blown up an entire city block with his antics! In fact, I'm sure that was his plan all along! I'll keep saying it until I'm proven correct! You call that heroism? DO YOU?

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To that I have only this to say
............

Oil's well that ends well!

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GET OUT
THE END

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And that's all for today! Tune back in next saturday for more of the same crap. How do I keep it up? No idea. Have a nice weekend everyone

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But before I go, I'd like to thank my partner in crime for helping make jokes. It's about 70% me and 30% them but that's a really good 30%

Bumps

>>92143514
bumpan for oc

>>92138671
got a chuckle

>>92142542
>EmmaStoneReplacementPlease.png

>Fuck I missed it

Ah, thanks for doing this again, Saturday Night Anon, you're the coolest nerd in the cartoon club

>>92145467
Why thank you

Thanks as always for these.

>>92138536
Fun stuff OP!