Spider-man (1967) The Spider and the Fly

Previous Spider-man eps
https://pastebin.com/86qedmQu

Previous Fantastic Four eps
https://pastebin.com/tjREijhZ

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This episode has been brought you buy the Walden Hotel, where you can get off-brand lodgings for off-brand prices!

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Best part about climbing these walls is all the wonderful dirt and dust and bird poop that never gets cleaned! Never ever!

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Here's my stop!

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The woman staying in this floor is so loaded the entire building is starting to sag!

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This woman wouldn't hurt a fly, but she may change her mind on that after she's robbed blind!

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You know, New York's supposed to be the city that never sleeps and yet here we are, waiting for hours, for a murder, shoplifting or anything and not a peer! At this point I'd beat and web up a jaywalker!

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There it was! Finally! Someone screamed! Thank Goodness! Getting bored was making the mind wander to dark places!

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Spider-man swings into attack!

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And then walk briskly when you're out if sight to the public eye.

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Spider-man: Duchess! Who did this you?! Who rubbed sandpaper all over your skin! Who gave you that cleft lip! Who ran a soldering iron across your scalp?!

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I was born this way! But the Human Fly! He stole my Jewels!

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...

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I didn't say ALL my jewels. When I saw him there I let out a bestial, guttural scream and then kissed him and he sort of threw up in his mouth a little and dove out the window! You just missed him!

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Right! First, you get yourself looking presentable and call the police!

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Then, I, the mighty Spider-hero will leap through the city, searching for his scared prey. When I corner the foul villain I'll gracefully brawl through his hundreds of goons and rescue balloons belonging to unhappy children with great ease on my first try! Then I'll recover your jewels and return them here! You'll offer me a reward, I'll say no, but let you slip a hundred dollars down my buttcrack on my way out. I'll pretend like I didn't notice, but I'll know.

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Spider-Smear! Away!

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Coming for you, Fly! ...wherever you are.

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oh boy oh boy oh boy! There he is! In the flesh! Just as I hoped!

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Head staaaaaaart

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The Human Fly? Are you fucking kidding me? Of all the names, he goe with that one? I eat fools like him for breakfast.

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You'll have to catch me first! Hey! Hey Spider-man! If I were Chinese I'd be called the Hunan Fly! Aha!

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You're getting chased alright. Hero time!

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Out of roof. Whatever will I do now?

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How about a little high tension wire crossing action to make things more interesting?

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There's no one alive stupid enough to follow me on a half-inch thick wire over a thirty story drop!

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Wrong! I am exactly that stupid!

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Then how about we cut to the chase and cut this wire we're both standing on?

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Now what do you do?

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Cut to the chase during a chase? You're using the expression wrooooooooong

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Kids these days don't know the words good

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And we're back! Wow, he wasn't lying about the drop.

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He's gone! Looks like the Fly buzzed off. I should clue in the police.

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This spot would make a wonderful picnic spot it's got the lighting, the fancy ambience and hey! The police are already here. That was fast, for them.

>SMTAS Writer 1: "Hey, what kind of goofy fuck can we have Spider-Man catch in this episode?"
>SMTAS Writer 2: "Hell, I don't know, there's something about flies in the opening, how about a fly-themed guy?"
>SMTAS Writer 1: "Spider-Man catches Fly-Man, makes sense, but lets just make him Spider-Man in a black suit, I can't be arsed to design shit."
>SMTAS Writer 2: "Good idea, now pass me the whisky and crack."

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Hey nice lady! So some things were said about what Spider-man would do and some other things happened. Life is full of surprises and twists and turns and... no one's paying attention

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>>91955147
SO ABOUT THAT

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Duchess: Spider-man came by and the fly came back! He pointed a gun to me and told me to keep my lips to myself and he stole everything!

Officer: Ma'am, I'd love to listen to your story, but good god, I can't understand your face.

Officer 2: She looks like the lovechild between Sylvester Stallone and a Edvard Munch painting.

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Hey now! That's not how it happened! The Fly was making a fool out of me the whole time! He couldn't have come back! That old feminine raisin is lying!

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Duchess: Well I never!

Officer 1: Trying to pass the blame, Spider-man?

Officer 2: How dare you speak of raisins that way! Apologize!

>>91955206
Is it wrong that I think this is an argument for my lazy drunks under the influence theory rather than against?

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Fuck you all, even if he had supersonic speed it would have been impossible for him to come back. I'm right and you're wrong end of story.

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Impossible! Impossible I tell you! Spider-man is creatively bankrupt as he is morally! There is no Fly! It was Spider-man! Only he's capable of scaling buildings like that!

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But the Duchess said that the Fly was dressed in Black from head to toe while Spider-man wears red and blue!

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Jameson: SO? He changed outfits is all! He thinks switching to Black Suit Spider-man or calling his buddy Eddie Brock for an assist is going to fool this publisher? Not in this lifetime!

>>91955526

"If I keep saying it, it will be true one day"

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Mr. Jameson, please. The Black Suit Spider-man suit didn't appear appear until 1984 where Spider-man got it from the Secret Wars and Eddie Brock didn't make an appearance until 1988 and he and Spider-man were never friends in canon! We're in 1967! You're not making any sense!

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SO IT'S A RETCON! ALL LAZY WRITERS WHO DON'T WANT TO BOTHER WITH CONTINUITY USE THAT AS A CRUTCH. LIKE HOW THEY KEEP PUTTING BROCK AS A BUGLE EMPLOYEE DESPITE HIM BEING THE TYPE OF PERSON I'D NEVER HIRE IN A MILLION YEARS. IT'S INSULTING.

>>91955595
Jameson was ahead of his time in media practices.

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Hold on Parker, I'll rant some more at you in a minute.

What's that? He's on the next flight? To Kennedy Airport? I'll have a photographer there on the double!

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Yeah, yeah, I know, you need pictures. Of who?

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The Maharajah of Jhin Jamir! And Parker! When you get back I'll need 500 dollars from you pay to fix the 4th wall. Cash money, not a check.

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*sigh*

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Peter: Hey! Sir! May I take your picture! They say the camera adds 10 pounds but for you it wouldn't make much of a difference amirite?

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Maharajah: It doesn't take my soul does it?

Peter: Don't be silly! You don't have one, sir!

Maharajah: Fair enough. Proceed.

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I should be in a red or a dark room to develop this but maybe overdeveloping it will make it more visible. It was so dark when I took the picture!

>>91955690
Ironically, this incarnation of Jameson would hire Brock just because he also hates Spider-Man.

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Why do I keep doing this? These pictures don't matter, no one cares who the Maharajah, or about reading, or the paper. And the money I make from this goes nowhere and nothing changes in my life. Ever.

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But that aside, this is one great picture. Those blank, dead eyes, just like the dummy. That that bling! It's just the honey I need to trap the Fly like a moth to the flame!

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I'm too late! He's here and taking the bait!

>>91956106
Is the twist that The Human Fly is actually Peter's split personality that manifested from him going crazy from poverty and as a result robs people of valuables?

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Fly: I AM TAKING THE BAIT AND NO ONE WILL STOP ME

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ERUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHH

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Yo! Spider-man! Chase me! Chase me if you can!

Wait, I remember there being a character called Human Fly that was basically a Scorpion rip-off in the comics. Is he based on this character?

Bumping this thread, you're a cool guy OP

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Spider-man: You know, I like chasing idiots in spandex as much as the next idiot in spandex, but this is just stupid!

Look at you! You call yourself The Fly, but you don't have wings and you sure as hell aren't Jeff Goldblum suffering from severe body disfigurement! You're just some guy! LITERALLY just some guy, and you're wasting my time! There could be a million babies setting fires to hospitals that I could be stopping right now, but I'm chasing your stupid ass at O Dark Thirty while you giggle like a goddamn schoolgirl!

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On the other hand I haven't chased a man to the ends of the Earth in a while and the last guy was traumatized by the experience SO LET'S SEE HOW YOU HOLD UP

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You want to be a fly. DO YOU REALLY? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO FLIES.

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Fly: You can spin a web any size and that's your opening shot? WEEEEEEEE

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WEEEEEEEE

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And down we go!

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Spider-man: THERE YOU ARE. YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME by the way are you flying?

Fly: No Sir! Falling with style!

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Ewww he went into the East River. Gross. Not going in that water.

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He got away! At least the Maharaja's family jewels are safe.

>>91956277
Haha. No. This char came first.

>>91956411
Thank you.

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Peter: Look! Mr. Jameson! Here's the pics of the Maharaja! Front and center a 10/10 shot!

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10/10? I call it crap! This was taken at the airport! Where are the pictures I wanted? NOT the pictures I asked for.

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That's exactly what you told me to do!

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Jameson: I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES THE POINTING AROUND HERE! PUT THAT FINGER AWAY! I DON'T WANT PICTURES OF HIM, I WANT PICTURES OF HIM AFTER HE GOT ROBBED. I WANT TO SEE HIS FAT FROWNY FACE

this stuff always makes my saturdays better

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ROBBERY?!

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Peter! Haven't you heard?! The Human Fly robbed the Maharaja of Jhin Jamir at gunpoint! This would have created an international incident but Jhin Jamir doesn't exist.

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Robbery? The Human Fly? But but but but

>>91956872
thank you

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Mister Jameson! The Human Fly couldn't have possibly have robbed the Maharaja!

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Finally you make some sense, Parker. It wasn't the Human Fly! It was Spider-man!

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Look at that Ruby! It must be worth a million camels! Spider-man has an affinity for spiders, and there's camel spiders out there so it could only have been Spider-man!

>>91953906
holy shit has this actually been going on every saturday?

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If I had that kind of money I wouldn't leave it lying around a hotel room like that Mister Flintridge.

Stuff like that is meant to be worn and shown off, so that other people can look at it and feel jealous and worthless because they're not as rich and important and beautiful as you. Personally, I'd wear it in front of homeless people! I'd go to the coffee shop and they'll ask me if I have any spare change and then I'll say no, and then go buy the largest, most expensive item on the menu and then drink it in front of them on the way out!

Oh that Mister Flintridge! If only I could get in with that old fart! He lives in the Biltwehl hotel and doesn't believe in banks and is all alone! If I could marry him I'd take birth control and make him finish outside anyways but let him "accidentally" finish inside right before I ask him to buy me something gaudy and expensive. Oh, a nice girl can dream...

>>91957141
theres been quite a few

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WHAT THE FUCK BETTY

>>91957285
Why didn't Spider-Man marry her?

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...

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Come on Mr. Flintridge it's worth a chance! And please consider my offer to make you my Sugar Daddy seriously!

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So you think I will be the Human Fly's next victim? Why? Is it because I'm too cheap to buy a chair my size?

>>91957369
>it's been a long day

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Well, yeah, you have all this money, don't believe in banks and clearly aren't spending it on yourself. You're just asking to be burgled! Look at this room! Look at the decorations!

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Well... I do have a lamp suspended over nothing because I didn't want to shell out of a small table...

>>91957141
2nd post has an archive of em, dude. Not that people check that

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Flintridge: Silly me, I left my safe open again in front of company.

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Flintridge: You raise a valid point, but how do I know I can trust you, Spider-man?

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Spiders are the most trusted and loyal members of the insect world! You can trust me on this! Trust me! Please trust me.

>>91957634
I don't trust this guy.

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Teehee! There's the safe! Now to crack the code! Q-W-E-R-T-Y-1? GOT IT!

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Gotcha!

>>91957666
Same; did you guys read that story in the Daily Bugle about him burglarizing people's apartments?

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So this is what bondage feels like? What have I been missing?!

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Alright, we're taking a walk to the police station and I'm keeping you on a short leash!

>>91957816
God, spidey, keep it in the bedroom!

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sneaky sneaky!

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OW MY BRAIN

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So... there were two of them

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And yep. Money's all gone. This does not look good. Better get out of here before Flintridge gets back.

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There's a reason they call me the friendly neighborhood Spider-man and not the reliable neighborhood Spider-man

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IT'S GREAT HOW FLINTRIDGE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN BANKS! NOW THE BANK'S GONNA FORECLOSE ON EVERYTHING HE OWNS! IT'S POETRY!

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This is fun, bro! Let's see who we rob next!

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Priceless jewels! Those are worth a lot!

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Oh look at these, Peter, Jameson did some research and gave the complete history of these jewels. I don't care, but he did a good job!

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Miss Brant! Don't you have anything better to do than reading newspaper in this office at this hour!

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Betty: But Mister Jameson! This is news!

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Once it's in print it's old news! I don't care about old news, I care about new news! Spider-man news! Which I have some of!

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Spider-man?????

So how did a couple of gingers get the venom symbiote anyway?

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Spider-man tricked Flintridge into letting him guard the jewels and then robbed him blind!

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I'm out. Betty, can you fill me in with some cliff notes if he says anything insightful?

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Peter: If you can't catch em, bug something to catch the bugs.

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Man: Did you see him put a spider tracer on that?

Woman: I did. The nerve of that guy. Stealing Spider Tracers from Spider-man and putting them on things.

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This is too easy!

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We're on a streak! Let's go rob a grocery store and bake a cake to celebrate!

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Everything's going as planned. Now to listen to my tunes while we play the waiting game!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBhkvlTcAag

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Hey Bro? There's tracking device on our loot.

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Nah! It's just art! Scarabs and shit! And Spider-man's taking all the blame while we get the loot!

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No, This. I mean this. It's clearly not part of the jewelled dagger.

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That means Spider-man is on his way. Right now! Awesome!

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When he gets here he'll find double trouble when he finds himself double teamed!

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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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They're at the abandoned amusement park like every other two-bit petty thief

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Here he comes! Pull the switch! This is going to be super!

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WHEN MY SPIDER SENSE TOLD ME I'D BE IN A DITCH I THOUGHT IT MEANT FINANCIALLYYYYYY

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A spring? Things are getting comical

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I get a roller coaster ride out of it? Worse things have happened!

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Comically undersized carts, but... the park is so neat a tidy!

>>91958974
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twPopPwtQJU

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Ok that's enough. Let me off this ride

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Thank Youuuuu

>>91959024
WTF is going on?

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Spider-man's having too much fun he's sure to not see us slip past!

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Awww Spider-man wasn't in the mood for fun and ambushed us with webbing! Curse us for not having a coherent plan!

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That'll be two tickets for riding this ride, be sure to tip your operator and if either of you are pregnant or have a heart condition be sure to notify me now cause that's an extra 2 tickets.

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*Crack*

*Snap*

*Splort*

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Someone's having fun at the amusement park and OHGODWHATISTHAT NOISE

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Hey! It's a note from Spider-man!

>>91959453
Man that Ferris wheel really isn't supposed to be spinning that fast.

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He wrote.. KARL I CAN READ JUST FINE I DON'T NEED THE HELP

He wrote: These Foolish and Fiendish Flies Fell, Fabulously Foiled by the Fantastic Fider-Man oops Spider-Man

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Jameson: THE THINGS WE HAVE TO WRITE

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but I REFUSE to believe that Spider-man didn't play a part in their criminal game! Even if he isn't the flies!

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Betty: Could be worse, Mister Jameson, there could be two Spider-mans. Actually no, that's kind of hot. Two of them at the same time.

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NOOOO NOOOO NOT CLONES NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


THE END

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That's it for tonight's episode. See ya around next week for more. Thanks for the watch, and have a nice weekend. This week was a little rough not having any material prepped ahead of time and all. Maybe next week will be better.

We have a guy stealing a bunch of oil with a somewhat lewd name. BE THERE NEXT SATURDAY

>>91960027
>>91960113

>Clones of Spider-man

Don't worry that will never happen that just sounds stupid.

>>91960274
Thanks for comfy time anon.

>>91960274
nah man you did just fine

>>91960274
Bye, best of luck

>>91960274
Another Saturday well spent

>>91965060
this

bumpan for OC

>>91953906
I'm going to re-read the full season as a marathon

>>91972069
You madman