Normal citizens in comics

My cousin made 1000 just hiding some question mark trophies around the city of Gotham wtf is this shit

>>91900978
thats a bad way to start threads like this.
try to use
"MEANWHILE IN GOTHAM CITY /CO/"

>>91901185
I saw that. I went and tried to pick it up and I got shocked

>>91901191
that would imply that there are super heroes in this situation

>>91901185
Good for you, anon. Where are you now? Let's talk about that

>>91901237
not really. These threads go on all the time in /v/ for various different games.
"meanwhile in usg /v/shimura"
"meanwhile in mother base /v/"
the idea is it's pretending to be a board for people who live in said area

>A friend of mine told me to goto Gotham.

Your friend wants you dead.

>>91901423
why would he do that? We've been friends of 10 years.

These metahuman freaks are a terrible influence.

I mean, my God, do you see the way they dress? If it ain't skintight, showing off every scintillating curve and bulging muscle, they're damn near naked!

"Wonder" Woman, pffft. It's a wonder how she sleeps at night, the tramp.

>>91901601
Oh, I don't know. A lot of them seem pretty okay to me. But you know what I really hate? MUTANTS! Seriously, FUCK those guys!

>>91901601
All those budging muscles, nice big package, nice hair. Admit it anon, you want a super ass pounding.

>>91901726
What for? I already get fucked enough by the brass at LexCorp.

Nah, I'm just kidding. It's an okay gig. Luthor seems like a cool guy for a smart-aleck businessman. I dunno what it is, but I was always put off by brainiacs.

>>91901841
kek

>>91901841
Most people with a higher IQ normally are smartass smuggy people when you really get to know them. I know this one dude, black, really smart, he works in Star City. Talks about his boyfriend all the time and how they will change the world.

SO many god damn puns.

>>91901665
and they want to go to school with are children?

>>91901665

Fucking muties stole my job

>>91901191
Gotham? Why on earth would you want to move there? I ain't going to no city where there is a crazy clown killer. I'll be staying in Star City, Flash actually keeps us folk safe.

>>91902763
>star city
>the Flash
you wanna try that again?

>>91901601
I bet you secretly like to dress like a whore

>>91902897
Here on Earth 316, The Flash works in Star City

>>91902947
God, that scene was so cringey.

>>91900978
Falcone and his criminal operations are vox populi.

Really wish the GCPD would just shoot the Batman and be done with that lunatic. I mean, you ask me, it's obvious every other costumed criminal nutjob in this town is just following his footsteps. He's a menace, that's what he is.

>>91901665
Did you see they had a mutie kissing a human in the background of some kids cartoon? It's sick the way [[[they]]]* are brainwashing normal people.
For the bluepills reading this... [[[they]]] = Skrulls

>>91903509
Do you not remember when Batman disappeared? Gotham got EVEN worse

>>91903539
Thankfully Senator Kelly is hard at work to make the genepool great again.

>>91903552
That's just what he wanted you to believe.
He was definitely behind it all.
Don't you see?
He pretended to leave the town so he could create the illusion that we need him. He was probably running all the high profile heists that happened at the time, to fund his sick operation.
WE HAVE TO STOP HIM, PEOPLE!

>>91903669
GET THIS NUTTER OUT OF HERE!

>live in Gotham
>ger mugged daily
>one day Batgirl comes in kicks and the muggers ass
>as she leaves scream "Show me dem tits baby"
>she doesn't
>get a new job at Central City
>move out of Gotham
>the freeway out gets blocked off by the Joker for some reason
>starts pumping gas on to the road
>everyone runs out of their cars
>just sit there waiting for death
>Batgirl smashes my window and pulls me out
>puts me behind the police barricade with the other people she saved
>she puts me down and before she flies off ask "can show me you ass?"
>she looks at me with disgust and punches me
>wake up a few hours later
What a bitch

Ok. Serious talk though.
I think I've cracked Batman's identity.
Please don't overreact. It's pretty heavy.

I'm 100% certain that Jack Ryder is the Batman

>>91905108
I want to know why the hell the Joker and Batgirl were doing in Central City? Where the fuck was the Flash?

>>91905298
What makes you say that?

>>91905298
Eh, he doesn't seem creepy enough to be The Bat.

>>91901841
Speaking of Luthor, I have a weird story to tell.

I work as a receptionist at Lexcorp tower. The other day, something really weird happened.

It was a normal day like any other, but then suddenly bossman walks through the front door, and he's pushing this cart laden with cakes. I'd say there were at least 40 of them. He doesn't say anything or look at anyone, he just pushes this cart to his private elevator, gets in, and closes the doors.

What was all that about? Pretty sure there weren't any birthdays among employees that day.

I FUCKING HATE MUTANTS but I love Spider-Man!

>>91900978
Hey guys Poison Ivy said she'd fuck me if I let her "plant her children in my body". Is this just just some tumblr sjw fetish shit?? Wat do

>>91906627
Anon, Marvel citizens hate the X-Men and Spider-Man but love the Avengers. Get it straight.

>>91906627
Spider-Man is a menace! Only the Bugle is smart enough to realize that. You oughta buy it for some real news.

What's up with criminals who commit their crimes in the DAY time? Amiright?

Why would you even DO that? That's stupid. We can all agree that's stupid. EVERYONE knows the night is the perfect time to break the law. Only a fool doesn't know that.

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I think my computer has a virus guys. Every now and then, my screen goes blank, and a weird symbol pops up for a few seconds. I managed to get a screencap, anyone recognize what it might be?

>>91906737
I dunno, I mean The Flash is a pretty cool guy. Ever seen a Green Lantern? Now those guys, they pretty sweet.

>>91903594
Make way for the homo superior while your species goes the way of the caveman.

>>91906682
I've totally been right where you are.
Like, for real. You can trust me.
I've done it a couple times. She's a friend of mine.
The... uhm... The sex is amazing. Yeah.
Do what she says. You won't regret it.
Nothing bad will happen.

>>91906939
Hi, Lois Lane of the Daily Planet, can you tell me more about this experiment?
How does it work?
What will happen?
Is this a new way to help people who have lost a limb like fighting over seas or to cancer?

>>91906737
Hey Mr. Wayne!
Care to adopt me?
I'm a 11 year old dark-haird boy orphan and I just know I could help you...

...you know...

...take the loneliness away...

Half of you people are alright, don't go to Gotham Second National Bank tomorrow.

>>91907010
fuck I forgot to delete username

>>91907016
And why's that?

Anyone ever been on mutant-sluts.com?

Thought I was gonna see some mutie bitches get fucked but it turns out it's just chicks painted blue. What a ripoff.

Where did my new people go?

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Hey guys,

Loneliness + Alienation + Fear + Despair + Self-Worth ÷ Mockery ÷ Condemnation ÷ Misunderstanding x Guilt x Shame x Failure x Judgment n=y Where y=Hope and n=Folly, Love=Lies, Life=Death, Self=Darkseid

>>91907770
Must. Preorder.

Bane?

Has anyone seen Bane?

>>91907770
DIE FOR DARKSEID!

>>91901665
Fuck off /pol/

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>>91907770
>implying Adblock doesn't catch memetic viruses

>>91906366
>move out of Gotham
>the freeway out

Okay, so something really weird happened to me several years ago. Like, it was trippy.

>Be me
>Live in NYC for a gig I got as a painter and move into a not-bad apartment
>Its got a nice view that I can walk out and stare at.
>One day, I set up my canvas and get my brushes to paint with glorious Bob Ross
>I have no yellow ochre paint, but I make do
>then, suddenly, the hungers gods strike my stomach as it lets out a monstruous growl
>needtoeat.jpg
>I can't find my wallet though
>Fuck.
>In my sorrow, I walk out to stare at the city skyline, needing to clear my head
>step out
>There's a stack of pizza on a ledge.
>No, literaly a whole fucking stack of pizza boxes, and they were just fucking made too!
>Like, you could see them steam, they were still hot.
>Fuck they smelled like haven
>I stare up at the sky
>Is this God telling me something?
>Should I go to church?
>I don't care, I just want dat peetzer.
>I open up a box
>Smells like PURE SEX
>It's incredible.
>I grab myself a slice, staring at it appreciatively.
>This pizza, lemme tell ya...
>It was special...
>However, right as I'm about to take a bite, the fucking pizza boxes fly the fuck away.
>ITS FUCKING SPIDER-MAN.
>WHAT THE SHIT.
>Was I stealing his pizza?
>DId he steal MY pizza?
>To this day, I don't know
>Fuck it, I still have the one slice, right?
>lelnope.jpg
>Fucking SPiderman fires his fuck web-cum whatevers and steals that too.
>I eventually ordered pizza later, but the kid delivering it was fucking late.
>Fucking heroes, man.

>>91900978
Comic citizens are entitled and annoying

>>91909048
I always knew that guy was a fucking menace. He probably put those pizzas there just to fuck with you.

Friendly reminder that Gotham is a cesspool and was built on cursed land and no one sane would actually live there.

Signed your neighbor from the city across the bay: Metropolis. <3333

Also the Gotham Knights fucking suck.

>>91912154
Holy shit, that Blades game a week ago. That was brutal.

If I pray to Darkseid enough do you think he'll spare Earth?

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who /opalcity/ in here?

So, uh... This is kinda embarrassing... But I ordered some 'liquid lubricant' from Bad Dragon... Roughly 30 gallons... But when the shipment got to my home it turns out the delivery guy sold off the wrong shipment and offered me %50 of the original costs PLUS the mixed up shipment to keep quiet.

So long story short, I have about 30 gallons of this "Renuyu" facial cream and I don't know what to do with it.

Can I jerk off with it?

So this building fell on me and broke both my legs.

Should I sue Superman?

>>91912416
I want to know HOW you would. I say take spray paint to all the statues of him and fuck them over

Guys, does anyone know much about the Gotham sewer system? I got a new job cleaning the place up. The pay isn't bad, but I keep hearing rumors, and the place is like a labyrinth.

Also, why is it so huge? I swear, I'm not a small guy, but it feels like I should stand on my own shoulders before hitting the roof in some places.

>>91912435

I don't think that's a good idea. I saw and FELT what Superman did to Zod when he was trying to zap my family. I'm still deaf in my right ear from the sonic boom and my kid died of straight up SHOCK.

Now what do you think that fucker will do to you if you fuck with his shit?

>>91912459
GOD could you imagine the insurance policies in comics in general? Jesus christ. They would be out the fucking roof

>>91912445
anon get out right now

>>91912499
I'd love to, but the pay is really good. Apparently the last guy bailed on the job, and they needed someone to fill the position ASAP. It's been hard to find a stable job since moving here, so I don't want to give this one up too easily. Besides, it's not so bad. I kind of like a job away from people.

>>91912349

The idea of Matt Hagen just having gallons of dragon cum poured over him instead of the cream stuff is hilarious.

>>91912459
FYI

Insurance companies are aware of people using the Superman incident to get a quick buck and claim all sorts of injuries and damage.

>>91912445
this mind sound dodgy as fuck, but go to Gotham Academy. Find the grounds keeper, slip him a fifty and tell him you "want to speak to Maps"
You'll be introduced to this crazy good cartographer who can draw you up a guide on which parts of the sewer to avoid

>>91912459
I think i had a bad experience with him once.

>About to head on the road
>Want to have a good time with the fellas at the local bar
>Tend to be a bit of an asshole when i'm drunk, i'm working on it
>9/10 qt brings us our drinks and i start to flirt
>She's not having it
>queuethewhiteknight.jpg
>Gets in my face and tells me to GTFO
>Pour my drink on his head
>He's looking ready to tussle, so i push him
>nope.jpg didn't move a fucking inch
>Think nothing of it cause he was a pretty big dude
>He walks away, and i throw my buddy's can at him because fuck that guy.
>A few hours later, i'm sobered up enough to drive, so i head out
>My truck is completely fucked beyond belief, like a hurricane bitch-slapped it

Looking back, it had to have been him, no other way.

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>>91900978
>lives in NYC downtown
>survies tsunami from some magnetic guy
>dies with the rest of the earth when othe earth crashes in
why

>>91903021
>Earth 316
you wanna try that again?

>>91900978
the only people who go to gotham are the insane, and idiot college students doing their spring break 'Gothfaze' hazing ritual

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Okay, now I know this'll sound crazy as all Hell here, but you know the night that Superman and Batman fought that big monster thing? There was the gal there too, wonder gal or something, and they all destroyed that completely uninhabited area? Yeah, well I work at the Daily Planet and do all the obituary junk. Well, some guy a couple floors up, a reporter, died the VERY SAME NIGHT! Louis Lane herself comes in all teary eyed and shit, tells me to write him up something nice and gives me a picture of the guy.

Now here's where the shit gets real. I'm looking at this photo and he looks EXACTLY like Superman. I. SHIT. YOU. NOT! 1 TO FUCKING 1! I think I might be onto something , guys, especially since we haven't see ass nor head of supe's since that night...

What do you guys think?

>>91901665
why muties are so autistic. yeah you can make clouds, yeah you can jump. so what? cant you act like a regular person?

>muh genes
>muh depression


also the fuck is wrong with that kike hitler?

>>91912884

You know, now that I think about it, with all those factories and buildings and what not, what does Gotham even produce? I never hear about exports.

>>91903021
>ALIENS ARE INVADING THE WORLD

>>91906627
Spider-Man
>LIKING AN ARROGANT EDGY FAG

how old is he anyway?

>>91913089
they produce raw materials to repair and replace the building regularly blow up by supervillains

if you ask me the whole thing is just one big racket on the part of the construction companies

my dad happened to have some shares in a brick manufacturing company based in Gotham when that huge earthquake hit. he sold half right after and became a millionaire

Guys I was walking home from work last night and I could've sworn I heard something HUGE in the Gotham sewer system. Whatever it was I think it was watching me for a moment because I saw these weird steam puffs come out of the storm drains running parallel to me as I walked.

I called animal control when I got home last night but the guys still havent come back.

Im scared guys what do?

I kinda fancy that chick the Joker always has with him.
How do I get her to notice me?

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>>91913228
It was Killer Croc and he was going to eat you. You should let him because Killer Croc is cool and ur a faget

>>91913275
is this a fucking selfie?

>>91913228
we all have to die someday

>>91913270
Be a redheaded pansexual slut or a pale skinny flamboyant psychopath

>>91913279
;^)

>tfw homeless in Gotham
Anyone know if any of the bosses are looking for guys?
I can't get a legit job with no address.

>>91913282
>>91913275
Fuck fuck fuck I need to get out of town. Now.

>>91913279
Oh dear god please let it not be him.

>>91913302
....fuck

>>91913309
Go work for Wayne Ent. if you have any skills, and a clean record. You don't have to waste your life being some crazy's bitch until he/she decides you're "not needed anymore".

Anyone else faps to the clown girl or the cat lady?


Sometime I go to rooftop and fap for hours....

>>91913309
I hear The Carpenter is looking for a new apprentice after the last one tried using a glue gun for autoerotic asphyxiation and suffocated

>>91913467
I once got caught by Batgirl. She was apparently mad at her boyfriend who wears all black and blue. Wing Night or something. She told me not to stop and to finish. I told her it was too awkward and then she said "fuck it I'll do it" I know it's totally unbelievable but it fuckin happened!

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>>91913445
>clean record
Nope.
>>91913477
I've seen those adds, that just might work out.

>>91913467
>the clown girl
How about 10+ of us guys surround her and go to town on her? She's a criminal. It's not like anybody will care.

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>>91913467
>fapping
m8 I fucked the clown girl. that's me behind the overturned table

>>91913553
Why the fuck were you dressed like a serial killer in a room full of other people dressed as the same serial killer?

>>91913588
How many people do you know from Gotham who aren't serial killers?

What's even up with you Americans and all of your freaky superheroes and villains?

>>91913588
it was a convention

I was walking in New York when suddenly one of those ice trails that the filthy mutie Iceman leaves behind cracked showering me with icecles.. I'm now blind in one eye can I sue him ?

>>91913553
>halloween-2008.png

Anybody else saw that Red Batman guy while working in Hell's Kitchen?

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>>91913824
No.

>>91907016
underrated post

t. harvey dent

>>91913545
That illegal anon! I rather fap. Though sticking it crazy seems nice but I doubt it would work out
Just a footjob while chatting would be nice...that's freaky/crazy right?

You think that's body paint or she that pale?

>>91913228
Well considering your in Gotham its one of their gaint man eating crocodials, a zombie, or something with wind powers. Your best bet is that its just the superhero Red Tornado fighting crime down there. But its best to be safe and just skip town.

And just in case it was one of the first two, stay out of the swamps.

>>91906737
Well, honestly it's reasonable for burglars or robbers to try their chances at a daytime. I mean, normally people are in their jobs during the day leaving their houses empty

>>91906737
well think about it. the pressence of superheroes puts a lot of evolutionary pressure on your hardworking criminal. Its only natural that the ones that survive are the ones who learn to congregate to the formation of 'peak crime' hours where if they're all doing their thing at the same time all across the city, more of them will be able to get away in time since the superheroes not only can't be everywhere at once, but will find it harder to even keep track of all the crimes happening.

and you want that to be in daytime rather than nightime because there'd be more people to call in the crimes-in-progress so that's maximum congestion on the cop radiowaves since there'd also be shit like public disturbances from domestics, altercations on the highway caused by traffic jams, all that other shit

>>91914500
>Dubs

>>91906489
That's terrible.

>>91912303
I used to buy stuff from his shop all the time before he decided to play superhero.

Just finished a criminal justice degree and looking for some law enforcement gigs somewhere, but nobody's hiring

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>>91900978
Here's a pro tip for you guys that might be strapped for cash and looking into some "extra legal" way to get easy cash.

Move to Gotham.

Yes, I know, I know, we've all heard about that crazy maniac dressed as a bat, but hear me out: It's just one guy and a bunch of teenagers. You get caught, just try not to put up too much of a fight and you won't even get your bones broken, just some cuts and bruises, you'll be back on the street by the next day if you manage to dust it before the cops arrive, and with their hands full as they are, that's a long while. There's a reason why that place is still the shithole that it is despite that guy beating everyone to a pulp for decades now.

Me? I used to live in Metropolis, things were harder there, you want to do a simple gas station stick up, maybe grab a pack of smokes while you're there? You cock your gun and the next thing you know you're 5 miles in the air, being held by the ankle and told by Captain Underpants that he's disappointed in you, you blink, and you're getting cuffed at the MPD, there's no winning in this life back there.

Just one thing about Gotham, as good as the benefits may seem at first, avoid henchwork, you'll just end up getting shot for shits and giggles or to make a stupid point, lost to many drinking pals like that.

>>91900978
Can we all agree that Flash is a terrible hero and Reverse Flash has all the rights to kill him?

>>91915771
Why's that?

>>91915879
Because he seems like a shitty person, if he has super speed then why he didn't catch the criminal before they even tryto attack him? He clearly wants to show off.

Guys, my kids sick and I need to get some quick cash fast. My buddy told me to work for Penguin, good pay and all I do is to take videos in his club? Should I take it?

KILL ALL MUTANTS

thank you wolverine you are the best avenger!

>>91915930
Penguin seems a nice guy, why not?

Met a guy named Lazlo Valentin who said he can make me beautiful, I've been looking for some cheap plastic surgery and this guy seems like a good deal, only thing that seems off is he likes acting like a pig... Is this a red flag?

>>91915930
Penguin is a great guy to work for, just don't EVER laugh or smile when he's near.

>>91915434
GCPD is, but that deathrate, maaaan.

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>Be sore loser beta
>Even radioactive spiders avoid you
>Aliens finally visit Earth
>A chance to score without worrying about Earth standards
>Hot alien waifus land in your district of all places
>They just want to murder you

JUST

>>91916136
Why let that stop you, anon?

>>91905298
Batsman is bill gates dumbfuck

>>91913112
>he doesn't like silky spider teen qt boipuss
Get. Out.

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>Walking down Gotham broadway
>When the fuck did we get a broadway
>Random little girl in a ninja costume comes outta nowhere and starts shouting for someone
>Weirdo woman in a cool coat comes outta nowhere
>Girl and chick start fighting
>Chick beats the SHIT out of the girl
>Bunch of ninja appear from nowhere
>Coat chick drags girl into an open manhole, ninja follow suit
>mfw
Weirdest. Flash mob. EVER.

You guys think itd be fun to be a small time villain?

Like I was in New York last week and I watched Spiderman and the Shocker going at it in front of a bank in midtown.

Nobody got hurt, and to be honest, for all Shockers posturing and stuff, he seemed to be having a good time.

As frustrating as it must be to have your plans foiled all the time it must have some sort of appeal for all these bungling "villains" to keep robbing banks and squaring off with Spidey.

Think I might try my hand at some small time. Got any tips for a beginner? Pick an animal name that's not taken and steal some tech?

>>91916706
>steal
nah, that gets suits on you who don't play by cape rules. I'm talking taken to a shack out of town, beaten up then bullet through the head.

What you wanna do is go to the sleaziest bar you know of and ask around for this guy called The Tinkerer. He can get you a gimmick suit for ten grand.

that might seem like a lot of money, but once you're in the rabbit hole you realize money is just a plastic trophy. sell your house and your TV and your mom's pearls or whatever. Eat nothing but cup noodles for six months if that's what it takes.

once you got your kit, make sure no to hurt anyone. You never know when a cape's daylife girlfriend or aunt or whatever happens to be attending the bank your robbing. When they see a loved one with a broken leg, they see blood. you don't want that.

If you really wanna play the upside, find something lots of people are mad about and rouse an angry mob. The lightining guy, Electro, a while back he'd stopped wearing a mask cuz he'd gotten these burns on his face. Anyway he does that, get people marching down the streets calling for justice and the end to corrupt governments and shit. Everybody knew nothing was gonna come of it but like in that movie The Network, people just like being noticed for how pissed off they are. Spider-Man swoops in, and they scrap, and I swear Electro has never looked happier before or since. It didn't matter if he won or lost, he proved his point either way.

That's the kinda villain you gotta be to have the mos fun

>>91916706
>tfw a mutant villain

It sucks. Trust me. You're better off using your powers/inventions for small bizz.

Heroes either indiscriminately beat you to half-death or recruit into their Xtreme X-Men teams when they feel better. Captain America even hires space warlords.

>>91917009
You know what, good for Electro. Things like that make me think this will be worth it.

And as long as I don't actually hurt anybody I should be able to avoid a Franking and retire once I get my fill of adventure.
>>91917028
See but you mutants take everything so life or death like. What with laser face, knife-hands, and others going through henches and other muties like a meat grinder.

>>91901665
>we've removed all the shekels of your account
>Erased any useful skills from your mind you might have had
>We also gave magneto your home address and told him you're an holocaust denier
Sincerely
Kitty pride

>>91903594
Good luck with that, did you know male human - female mutant children only get the mother genes... And human women love BMC