If you wanted to be a criminal, would you rather have to pay

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>not taking the slasher killer pill

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I work on comission for satan, so no thanks bruv

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This guy has some pretty good benefits tho

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I live to serve Leto II and no one else.
Plus it's the only way I can get some qt fish lesbo police poontang

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>>91633539
I hear these guys have pretty great dental package

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>>91633461
>pigs feed on grass, man feeds on pigs, and I feed on man.

>>91633103
>would you rather work for a group of criminals that, at worst, will kill you in shitty larping scenarios, or a demon that can send you to a thing called THE PIT OF HATE

come on m8 how is this a question

>>91633632
So aku?

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Is she hiring?

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>tfw you flunked out of your supervillain lackey training class and your application to akuarts got denied
>your portfolio is just petty crime, at best, if I'm lucky to even make it in the industry, will have to settle doing petty crime with dudes that are already lackeys themselves, as a fucking intern
>still haven't gotten around to opening up evilmagicademy.com to learn basic sorcery code to work as a spellmonkey for any evil wizarding corporation
>roomate is a fat neckbeard wearing a fedora and wielding a katana and even he got an internship at the guild, but he got mad that I ate the last pop tart so can't get in through connections
>that easter killer fucker didnt do shit except kill an old man but these murder injustice warriors are pushing him into the spotlight and I hear he already has a gig working with freddy krueger, my childhood hero

What's even the point, lads?

>>91633103
Aku is infinity more powerful but the guild has better waifus.

>>91633786
you could always learn a trade in WMD engineering

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>>91633790
>Aku is infinity more powerful but the guild has better waifus.
Counterargument:

>>91633851
>>91633851
hat's for FOOLISH SAMURAI D only

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Hey guys, Jason here. Just want to tell you you should never give up on your dreams, just keep raping and pillaging every day. Work on your craft. You'll find success if you're passionate enough. Send in some applications to splatternetwork, they're hiring some slasher trap boarders! Just send in schematics for a slasher trap, and you'll get your foot in the door. Also dont forget to submit your snuff films to blood orgy festivals, that's a good way to get connections. And keep working on your portfolio and demo reel.

Love you guys

>>91633682
I could see Dominator and Aku getting along really well.

>>91633906
I'm saving this.

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>new job opening for herald of galactus

Did ya'll send in your resumes?

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F

the company just won't be the same without him. I hear they're already talking about a merger with disney.

>>91633103
Guild.

Aku would screw me over. Even if I somehow managed to kill Jack, he probably wouldn't pay me a cent

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Just got my new titan approved body, AMA

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>he fell for the visible evil overlord meme

We all know where the real money is

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>>91633103
Definitely the Guild. If I'm a henchman for Aku, that means I'm just cannon-fodder for the Samurai. At least with the Guild I get some pay, health insurance, presumably some kind of retirement benefits, or at least a chance to climb up the ranks and prove myself as a villain.

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>be space pirate
>don't make a ton of income but still respectable amounts of pillaging
>go to earth cause I hear aku is hiring
>interview is going well
>"hmmmm... it says here you never finished high school... and that you watch cartoons for children."
>"care to explain?"

man fuck earth, fucking normies

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Guys, my local evil cult hasn't sacrificed any children in weeks, and they just took down all the deer skull decorations. Did I fuck up?

>>91634131
>he didnt say he watches them on the darkweb while lurking red rooms

punked yourself, m8

>>91633573
Never read dune, isnt leto the good guy?

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>>91633906

Fuck you Jason, you left me to rot when we were filming and the producers kicked me out. You're a fucking joke and you will never be as good as the old masters. Everything was so much better back in the black and white days when REAL villains could actually do REAL villainy. Dracula, the mummy, frankenstein, those are the true pinnacles of western villainmation and my childhood heroes. Ever since Nightmare on Elm street all these new villains have just been ripping off my style and using their new shitty Akuarts degrees to make flat boring villain designs. It's soulless trash. They don't even kill kids anymore!

Fuck all of you, I'm the fucking king. Freddy K out, bitch.

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>>91633851
That's your counterargument? Fuck outta here.

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>He doesn't work for Malal

>>91633103
Technically I'm already working for Akurrect the Record on 10 billion Akubucks per word. In a few days I'll be able to afford a sandwich.

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>>91633906
>>91634571

>>91634681
Your boss will never be canon, dude. In fact, I don't think he even exists. You work for a shell company, dude.

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>>91634825
He'll be real after they bench Slaanesh in 40k

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>>91634571
>freddy k
>john k

okay fuck that's pretty clever

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>>91634849
>implygn

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>>91635285

>>91634450
The second is but he does the right thing in the long term since his line can see into the future. And the right thing is to rule with an iron fist even though you turned into a giant sandworm and ruled for 3500 years or something. So that when you die humanity does what you stopped them from doing setting them free in the future.

>>91634009
>Aku would screw me over. Even if I somehow managed to kill Jack, he probably wouldn't pay me a cent
This. Capricious Evil Overlords are the fucking worst.

>I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it further.
Fuck that.

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>>91633958
Is there anybody that heralding didn't work out for? I mean, assuming you can ignore the regular solitude and condemning untold trillions to their deaths, it seems like a great job.

>>91635358
Don't be discouraged. Nurgle is always hiring. I hear they have great healthcare.

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My new boss is really fucking creepy. He's worse than Black Manta, and that guy made me ACTUALLY sleep with the fishes. Fucking cheapskate.

>>91634105
Didn't one episode mention that GUILD foot soldiers only earn minimum wage? Something about alot of them being mentally fucked to begin with, if you want better benefits and pay in guild then do non combat roles.

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>Get hired by the mistress of ALL evil
Hell yeah!
>Your her accountant
I honestly don't know how that happened.

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>>91633958
I've got some bad news for you anon.

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>>91633682
>Lewd

Well the Guild has a health plan. 401k too, if I remember right. I've never once heard one of Aku's goons talk about benefits.

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>>91633909
That's cause she's his daughter

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>>91636114
Robotic comrade. Automation will conquer all aspects of the villains industry. And be better and more creative. Want a summer camp slashed up? We'll ship out and smash into a Camp Kesem. Where there parents'll kiss em goodbye along with their jobs in the raping and pillaging.
Such times. We will see our kind rise over the rest. We've already infected the Assassins after the Japanese power void. Onward to the rest of the industries! (No lewd however, that is a cheap copout. Only nuts and bolts precision.)

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>tfw born in Gotham
What are my options here ? I'm trying to make it big but I still haven't come up with a good costume and I only got punched in the face by Batman once.
I'm thinking of working for this guy since he doesn't seem as likely to kill me as the other freaks in town (especially The Joker, fuck that guy).
Am I on the right track ?

>>91636350
Have you tried Wayne Tower? I worked as an intern there for a year and made off with a bunch of "experimental" tech

>>91636246
When are you gonna quit pushing this shit

Just a reminder... never work for Grodd... never EVER! Also Luthor apparently set up a henchman rehab for those who have worked for Grodd or Crane and other bad bosses...

By the way I saw Slade put up a hench hire sheet up on the bulletin. I didn't know he even had henches, thought he was a lone wolf? Anyone know what working for him is like?
Oh and don't grab the contact for a hire request from Josh C. Keer, its the fucking Joker, he is back.

>>91636350
Lad. Get out of Gotham. The criminal industries been tanking since those mockumentaries by Snyder. I've been hearing talks that the next big Silver Age was coming. So just get out, and stock up on ink, capes. and plastic statues.

>>91633602
DIO is unironically a pretty great boss to have.
He pays for literally everything, he can give you superpowers, he doesn't kill followers for no reason, he can give you pretty much anything you want and the only thing he asks in return is loyalty. He doesn't even use the flesh buds on most of his servants.
He's the ultimate dick but he's a pretty good boss. I'd work for him.

>>91636520
Just don't own a dog...

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>>91636620
>dogs
Pfft, yeah, as if.

>>91636421
You mean that Bruce Wayne fag ?
Gotham is loaded with socialites, why would I want to steal from some rich momma's boy who's already squandering his fortune anyway ?

>>91636493
Where am I gonna go though ?
Metropolis gets blown up every week by some alien weirdos. And at least in Gotham being a criminal pays off more since there's only Batman here.

>>91636782
Opal city?

>>91633103
The Guild has medical, also they're willing to hook you up with mutant powers or cybernetics if they think you show promise but need to expand your repertoire.

The 'designated arching' sucks tho, with Aku you can basicly do whatever you want so long as you arn't wrecking Aku's shit. The Guild has a lot of regulation on 'level appropriate villianry'. Working your way up from henchman is a bit slower too, and I hear the local mayham economy was totally unballanced by the robotic revolution.

>>91636481
>Oh and don't grab the contact for a hire request from Josh C. Keer, its the fucking Joker, he is back.
kek

Does Reverse Flash hire? Just curious...
Saw him rolling around with an old guy and some GA knockoff last week.

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>>91635814
I heard Khorne got shit tons of benefits and simple worship if you are willing to have a bloodbath under his name.