AD favorite quotes thread

THIS IS WHY YOU KEEP GETTING MOLESTED!

>>90629766
Cheesers came back

>>90627688
A SUICIDAL LEMUR HAS MY GUN!

Ah Saturday; Sunday's Friday.

Whoo! She got the drop on ol' Reggie. Caught those full in the face! If those was guns Reggie be dead.

You used to watch Sesame Street

Why don't you just take this broom here and I'll bend over and grab my ankles, you lube up the handle real good and just sweep me out the door!

>>90627688
>What did you do to my legs, you Nazi-Walrus bastard?!!?

I never turn down lunch!

Or a big ass bitch.

Mature. Navajo. Bitches.

Why is there a leopard on the cheetos box? Wait! It's a cheetah....cheetos. There is SO much love in the world!

>>90633047

That guy was easily the greatest one off character they've ever done. Just a random guy who's 100% committed to living a fake life for some guy he didn't even know.

SIDNEY HUFFMAN!!
SHANIQUA JACKSON!!
ROY ROGERS McFREELY!!
Ricky Spanish

>>90633182
WHY DO MY WRISTS HURT?

Is it weird if I have a boner?

It'd be weird if you didn't!

>>90629818
Found this on YouTube the other day

https://youtu.be/gAR91mqVlpM

>>90627688
His eyes are red from smoking weeeeed.

>>90637652

I can't believe you're an educator, Brian.

>>90637811
My work is mostly administrative

>>90627688
TRY JOGGING YOU GROSS BOWLING PIN!

That whole fucking Werner Herzog ending of the Ricky Spanish episode.

>>90633223
he was fuckin great

>>90627688
>People don't change Steve!
>You're thinking of Changelings

AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Jesus was a carpenter and I'm not handy at all GET IT!?

>>90629766
>>90629788
>hey a trunk buddy, you like 30 rock?
>SHUT UP......Yeah, I'm a fan...

Oh god, he's gaining so much speed!

>>90636349
cuz you're lying on them

>how can you hear my thoughts?

They're working in tandem! They're brothers in arms!!

>>90629818
>This is the talkiest rape ever

>YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ON THAT CROSS YOU LAZY WINE LOVING BISEXUAL

>"You're the best, so you deserve the best. You deserve....Fancy Feast"

>>90627688
>"M-m-m-more money, m-m-m-more speech therapy"

>>90640159
>THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING CONFUSING

I don't fell like typing the whole thing out
https://youtu.be/7Z8HNHsBHMA

>>90627688
Haley! I'm fed up with this orgasm!

THERE'S SO MUCH CRIME IN THE DESERT

>>90638339
>CONDEMN THEM MOTHER, THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY DO!

>Steeeeve? Aaaaare yoooooou oooookaaaaay?
>Why are you talking like that?
>Toooo muuuch Zooolooooft. Aaand Iii'm stiiill sooo saaaaaad.

>He hasn't talked to his dad in years and his mom left before he was born.
>How....how could she do that?

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> Let me in, you sons of bitches! I'll kill all your families! Good news ive trapped the mexicans inside the house.

>>90639928
>Jeff gets swept away by a flash flood

JEEEEEFFFF!


WHAAAAAAT?


and then

Jeff! I thought you were dead!

Nope

Alright

>>90644815
one of the best lines

>>90627688

I can't remember what he said, but the bit where Klaus shows up out of nowhere after escaping an alternate universe where he was king.

>>90646174
I was gone 60 years how long was it here?

What? Where did you go?

I don't know but where ever it was I am their king now.

Bullock was one of patrick stewart's best roles

LAVATE LAS MANOS

>>90647072
>was
is he not doing bullock anymore?

>>90627688
My ELBOW feel funny, my elbow feel strange...

i haven't watched this show in fucking ages it feels like. Kinda want to go back and relive some of the great ones.
Any opinions on great/must watch episodes?

>"You like Shaggy, doncha Hayley?"

>>90647640
The spring break and country club ones are my favorites.

No I'm not high, I will be as soon as this pervert pays me.

>>90647640
The one where stan and roger play basketball was funny. The last crisscross apple sauce really ruined my sides

>>90647640
Season 2-6 but there are good ones throughout. In country club is one of my top five. I need more mind quad in my life.

>>90647640
the one where stan goes out for a night with his friends
the one where stan and steve become bros
the one where roger thinks he's the decider
the one where roger becomes a car salesman and stan gets accused of domestic abuse

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>YOU'RE IN VIETNAM BITCHES

>>90647795
Fafafafafa
This chopper will take you to base camp
Get in

>>90647795
>>90647852
I play airsoft at an orchard and they made a couple golfcart helis like in that episode for moving refs/injured players/quitters around

>>90647907
Gotta make the noise...lmfao. Made my day anon.

>>90627688
>Feelings are what women have. They come from they're ovaries
>Part of responsible gun ownership is accidentally killing someone
>Roger, there's something you should know about me by now. I don't learn lessons
There's too many Stan quotes to mention them all

>>90647795
>>90647852
>Pinecones are grenades

>>90633223
He was just so enthusiastic, it had me in stitches.

>>90644815
>surrogate mother

>>90627688
>"Ho ho ho ho, you bitch. You did it. Stupid stupid bitch doesn't even know she's gonna get the best bottle of wine in her stupid bitch life."

Tell them how you killed our baby, Amanda.

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>wind noise
...yes...

>>90648406


E C O N O M I C S

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How is it that American Dad is infinitely better then Family Guy or Cleveland show in every single way?

>>90648482
Never underestimate the power of a team of good writers.

>>90648482
They don't do unfunny cutaways. Also, it has Rodger and Steve and doesn't have Louis and Brian.

>>90633710

And who could forget Clip-Clop!

>>90648482
With Stan in the CIA and Roger being able to take on any possible role, there is a HUGE amount of material they can conceivably pull from and still have it make sense in the context of the story. Don't have to resort to cutaway gags for their ridiculous shit.

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I don't know much about the Rapture, but I know someone who does.

Hey Kids, I'm Ricky the Raptor and I'm here to tell you about the Rapture!

The entire bit with Steve and Akiko spelling random Tyler Perry movies so they could prolong the spelling bee they were participating in in "Spelling Bee My Baby".

>The word was "diarrhea" you spelled "Diary of a Mad Black Woman"
>Okay, you spelled "Sacrikiss" while staring into that boy's eyes.
>Okay Steve, the word was "dog," and you spelled the entire Arrested Development song, "Mr.Wendell".

>>90648709
"RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"

A Christian kids production

>>90648739
that was a good bit but that whole montage of lelsorandum internet pics they put in that episode was the fucking worst

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQwSCM0C-54

>Earthly guns have no power here.
>I'm sorry I just wanna save my family, if only I could just EVERYBODY DOWN ON THE GROUND NOW!
>He's got a heaven gun!
>Those can kill anyone!
>Why do we have those again?

>"What do you do when you're best friend doesn't believe in god?
>"Well Stan, we're hardly best friends"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ye9gyqtfNQM
>I can't believe Chad's dead!
>I can't believe I already banged his girlfriend!
>I can't believe I watched!
>Oh, you did more than watch, bro!

>>90627688
charcter: and to think had you still been cool I would have told you my darkest secert. one I haven't toild anyone about
>random ass narrator: to learn more about [character] dark secert go to [character]wasmolested.com

>>90639804
Pope: "You see this shit?"

>>90648988
are you retarded

Steve: Guys, you've met my Uncle Roger before.
Toshi: [Ah, yes: the alien in the wig]
Steve: Yeah, on my mom's side.

>>90639804
>>90649053
>And Nemo backwards is Omen!
>Wait but you named him Nemo

>>90649097
Toshi was one of the best characters desu

>(I have killed for both honor and pleasure)

>>90649155
>LEARN ENGLISH! LEARN! ENGLISH!
>EAT...MY...BOWLS!

>>90648739
>It's becoming very clear now that I'm not going to make it to my dinner date tonight. She just started putting out and... yeah, that would have been nice.

>Stan are you close to your son?
>No! But that doesn't mean I murdered him

>>90649230
>were you close with your dad mr smith?
>daddy will you read to me?
>who the hell are you?
>stan's quiet whimper

Mmm. They loooove me.

>Yo Doug! I need a diamond. It doesn't have to be big, just flawless. ... is that friend price? You let me down, Doug. I'mma call NYC, get my Hebrews on this.

>>90633223
Did you know Francine ask me to lie to you and say we've been friends since childhood, like I'd do that we've been friends since childhood

probably not 100% accurate since I was doing it from memory

>>90649342
>>90633223
FUTON WORLD, OUR PRICES ARE FROM OUTER SPACE! FUTON WORLD!

>heavy breathing

>>90648739
"Wait you're Chinese?"

"Was one of them a Japanese girl?" "ohhh yesss"

>this we can at least agree on; Planet of the Apes was a fine picture

>God, how great is the movie "Airplane"?
>So good!
Cut to Roger and Steve watching Airplane and laughing.
>Hahaha! It's funny because the pilot has an unusual relationship with the little boy! Hahaha!
>Hahaha! It didn't seem that unusual to me! Hahaha!

"Dad what do mom's boobs look like"
"I'll tell you Snot, they're perfect"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx6b8Idu_18

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>>90648964
That part in the restroom and airplane every time.

>>90648482
Cause roger is GOAT comedy sidekick

>>90648482
That's the power of character-driven comedy over gag-driven comedy.

>>90644707
Music for that entire episode was choice! Fucking love that episode.

>>90647640
Not specific at all, but watch 'em all. When the golden turd keeps coming up, you'll sit up and yell "fuck yes here we go"

I can't type out the entirery of the hottest episode. I could but I can't right now.

>>90650003
Fuck I can't even type right now I meant hottub episode.

El perro el perro es My corazón! El gato el gato no es bueno.

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>>90650019

OH DAMN

>>90650019
Margueritte is one of my favourite one shot characters in the show.

I think the general rule for American Dad is that whenever a black character appears they're going to be hilarious.

>>90649063
are you?

that was great

also:

>itwaswitches.com

>>90644473
This line was greaf>>90644707

>>90649440
that was one of the best "B" stories of all time

a perfect reason to watch American Dad, their B stories are often so ridiculously good, the A stories can just float by

>*Janitor turns into a werewolf and attacks a kid
>Oh shit!

>AHH! MY HIP HOP HOORAY ARM!

>>90647749
If I aint got the criss-cross then i'm just a guy yellin about apple sauce

>>90631362
Klaus: Steve, what is he talking about?
Roger: Shut up Garfield! Why do you even hate Mondays? You don't even work!

>>90646545
Wasn't that going to become a huge plot point eventually? Or am I dreaming that?

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>That samurai Ghost that followed toshi around that spoke in such an ancient form of Japanese even toshi couldn't understand him
>Fucking double toshi

Shame this show got cancelled (I refuse to watch the episodes after they left fox. They suck)

>>90627688
This is straight out a repeated joke from when he did the same thing with the party clown.

>>90629766
god damnit i came to post that. best line, praise

>You'd want that wouldn't you, I float away and you get a bag of food scientifically formulated for aging cats

All time favorite gag

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>>90648739
What even happened to Akiko after that episode?
Did they just retcon her out?

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>>90650112
That abrupt ending gets me everytime.

>>90651036
>(I refuse to watch the episodes after they left fox. They suck)
Main problem is that Mike Barker quit as co-show runner.

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>>90652293
>He actually does float away

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgO-lZxHrkk

>>90637049
Jeez, this shit is even worse than Family Gore

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Anything this guy says

>>90652015
That was Family Guy but yeah you're right

>Leslie! Come look at this big man!

>Ohhh, I wish you hadn't show me that

>>90627688
neo/v/ really find this shit funny? Jesus christ.

>>90648482
it understands what 'subversive' means

https://youtu.be/fiuHV-jJKio

Wow she was really dry

>>90650003
>>90650112
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcDA-qOOG00

Anytime Stan goes "OOH!"

And these two separate ones
>He thinks he's so cool cause his band plays at parties and he's always having tons of sex!

>Yeah, say WORDS!

After Roger takes off his Phantom of the Telethon mask

>*gasp*Roger!
>Well, yeah. Who did you think it... What?

>>90655120
>He makes me look like you, and you look like you...with your shirt off.
>What?

>>90631200
This must be what every parent thinks when they send their kid off to college.

>>90648739
>Mfw i read that as Steve Aoki on my first glance

>tractor boy
>got you in my- tractor beam

>>90655120
>>90655120
>Roy Rogers McFreely
>I think it's time I told you the truth
>*takes off fake mustache*
>It was me, Roger, the whole time

>>90644815

Was gonna post this

>>90647795

Just the premise makes my sides hurt: "Boy gets PTSD from a Vietnam War reenactment"

>This is your image of God?
>Pfft, kick your ass

>museum guard sees stan and his dad breaking in
>hey are you two capering? We don't allow capering in here
>stan roundhouse kicks the guard and starts punching him
>POINT A FLASHLIGHT AT MY DAD YOU TERRORIST HELPING TRAITOR
>guard's thoughts
>Dad, you're 76, just retire- Mark and I would love for you to live with us
>well I can't leave the museum Sheila, they need me
>but these are your golden years pa, you should be enjoying life with your family
>why I never stopped enjoying it Sheila, and in a way those paintings are my family
>all of this going on while Stan beats the shit out of the guard and breaks a painting over his head

>the entire Holiday Rapist bit

>>90651036
But they dont. It's slightly more inconsistent now but that's it

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>I can't believe there is lava under Washington DC
>Where do you think the hot air comes from
And que the laughter

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>>90652505
the best jokes are when someone is scared about something oddly crazy happening only for it to actually happen

>>90653866
had no idea this was /v/

Eh, the lines can be funny, but most of the time, they aren't "ha-ha" funny.

>his eyes are red from smoking weed
>I really can't believe you're an educator Brian.

Is American Dad really that good of a show to watch? It's made by the same guys that made Family Guy.

>>90663251
no it isn't: it was created by the same person who created Family Guy and promptly handed off to other writers, as was Family Guy.

It's weird that people like to attribute everything that comes out of these shows to Seth when his actual contribution to their overall quality is pretty minimal besides coming up with the idea and then proceeding to voice characters

>>90663251
>It's made by the same guys that made Family Guy.
no it's not

>>90663251
Not really. It's like only slightly better than Family Guy, which isn't much of a feat. You're not missing much not watching it.

>>90633182
So much beauty*

>>90638125
This is gold

Before I like to take a big gulp of OJ I like to to take a big gulp of Jesus juice.

>>90648988
How can you not know alpha asian Vince Chung?

>>90649173
Japanese text : Jeepers a meth head
What he says out loud: Holy methmoley!


Thats in my top 5 favorite parts of the show

Gentlemen do what ever it takes to empty our coffers.

Lap dances, champagne dances, shower dances.

Oh, the things you can buy for a hand full of bills.

It makes me excited.

It gives me the chills.

They'll be filcher rubs, breeders, hambones and tweeners

Zobos and debos and blorps that go, "Eenahs!"

For a one dollar bill

You can pull down their zippers.

I am the Snorlax

I speak for the strippers!

>>90653786
>It's interesting that we have such a complex hierarchy at such a young age
>Shut up Barry!
>[smugly] I'm at the bottom

Who's Matt Barry?

He has the laid back attitude of a stoneman

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>Damn it! Roger's suing us for copyright infringement. He says this is like Wheels and the Legman.
>What?! In what way?!

>>90648759
STAY COOOOOOL

>Do we have time for me to do stuff with it?
>If I do stuff with it, and stuff goes wrong, will you help me?

STELIO

STELIO KONTOS

"It's you, isn't it. I'm gonna go down there and it's gonna be you."
"It's a strong possibility."

Bullock's Dr Seuss poem about strippers when they have to blow the CIA budget.

>>90666154
Oh hey someone posted it>>90663903

>Is Chaz going to be okay?
>....no
The face he gives Roger is great

>what's with kids these days. Such little bitchesssssss

>>90665802
And Luis

>>90666199

>I should have just had sex with that mayonnaise

>>90667908
>>90666199
>if you're happy and you know it clap your hands..
>*clap clap*
>If you're happy and you k ow it clap your hands
>*clap clap* *clap cl-*
>Not you Hanukkah!

>>90668140
>Roger's a dirty cop!
>He's been on the force for 3 hours!

>Barry....y-your voice!
>Sweet and terrible, like a madman's lullaby

>>90651036
>I refuse to watch the episodes after they left fox. They suck

You're missing out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJ1ADWvK9TI

WIDOWS!

>>90663786
he's so cool you forget he's asian

>That wasn't saying something, that was doing something!
Clapping!
>Thatta girl!

>>90666030
>Oh thank God I'm just the receptionist...
>I'm an associate!

>Come in! We're doing coke and shooting guns!

"Has anyone seen my women's panties?
Has anyone seen my women's panties that I was wearing?"

>>90675328
>let me smell them.
>Snot, we're on the bus, I'm not taking my pants off here.
>that's not what I asked

>>90627688
>In high school, my nickname was "super friend"
>Actually it was "super mouth".
>...Actually it was suck machine.

>This looks like a job for Suck Machine!
>How did you know my high school nickname?

also
>In highschool they called me "Stan the man"
>That was because there was a girl in our class named Stan.

>You like staring at those long gams don't you Mr. Soprano?

>>90675620
>In high school they called me Stan Frank, because I was always hiding and writing in my diary

>Roger are you really going to kill five people over 20 dollars?
>Are you really asking that to the guy who just last week killed six people over 19 dollars?

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSOwUfWMZ8A

classic, but a goodie

>Tonight we're going to find out who shot Mr. Burns.
>What?
>Fifteen years ago who was it?
>The baby?

Stan: "Sir, I'm not feeling so well"
Bullock: "Oh no! Oh my god, Stan! Oh, I am so sorry, I hate that! Come here. I wish it were me. I wish I could just absorb your germs and make my body fight them."
Stan: "I think I'll be okay If I..if I just go home."
Bullock:"Absolutely! Whatever you need, just get better. It makes me so angry that little viruses can just traipse in here and treat your body like a playground."
Stan: "It's alright, sir. I should be better by tomorrow."
Bullock: "I-I jus... I just feel so helpless, you know?"
Stan: "It's really not that bad."
Bollock: "Have we displeased you, almighty God in Heaven? Do our lives mean nothing to you?"

>Hello, I'm Dr. Gupta. Yes, I'm a woman. I suppose you have a problem with that.
>Uh, no. Is my wife gonna be okay?
>Are you questioning my competence?
>No, I'm just concerned about my wife.
>Really? 'Cause the way you're looking at me, it seems like you're concerned with something else. (flashes her breasts) There, now can we move on?

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>mfw Xavier's insane ramblings in Logan
He was channeling Bullock during that scene

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A literate girl is a lonely girl

>>90678534
it wasn't me doc

>>90678418
What ep #? Google fail. A utube link would help more.

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>>90678534
>Xavier's insane ramblings
This happy place holds magic meaning, for 'twas my mother's nickname. Truckers, delivery guys, men coming in and out of the house all day called her the Grand Canyon, but I never knew why. It's just a great wide gash, spread open for the enjoyment of all to come inside as he pleases and pleasures. Often there's a donkey in there. Hee-huh?!

>>90678730
Roger n' Me
Season 2, Ep. 13

>Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie... What was your name again?

"STOP GET OFF ME"
"Yeah that's what your mom said last night!"

I said kill them! Kill them all! Yes, yes, them too. Also them! No, not him! That's me.

Idiot.

>What are you guys thinking for lunch?

>This is Doug in chopper 2, I'm thinkin' paninis.

Mene mene tekel.

Satana Satana

>>90679112
Stop it Steve, latin's a dead language

MYAAAH

>>90660886
You mean the Christmas rapist. The guy who rapes on Christmas!

>Stan, I'm drunk and I think someone here is going great to rape me. I need you to pick me up in 30.....45 minutes

>>90678760
I read that in Bullock's voice and it didn't sound at all out of place.

>Evening officer
>Even-ing
>making things even
>....sir, can you step out of the car?
>CRAP HE KNOWS!!

Oh the bread fell.

In terms of sexual relations I can't help but wonder how a Roger and Captain Hero interaction would be assuming they met at a bar to play as pick up artists.

>>90627688
>Then I guess I picked up a bouquet of oopsy-daisies