Wolverine roast thread

>gonna

>>90409325
He made out with hercules that one time

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>>90409325
His Daughter is a slut

>>90409862
>fucking your niece
God damn it, Victor.

>>90409325
This nigga Wolverine gotta shop at baby gap.

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We're here to toast and roast the man of the hour, or should I say the manlet of the hour, Logan Whateverthefuckhislastnameis. Well I don't want to overstay my welcome, so I'll keep it like the man himself, short and not-so-sweet.

Logan may have a gruff exterior but he has a heart of gold buried inside that adamantium skeleton. He's really down to earth, and I'm not just talking about his center of gravity! He works really hard at the school, and is always helping to make sure the kids there never go hungry. He really struggles to put food on the table for everyone. So I gave him a stool to stand on to make it easier.

I kid, I kid. The other day I asked Logan for $5, he said he was a little short. No. I'm kidding. Relax everybody. This is all in fun. Logan and I actually get along great now, but fights still come along every now and then. Like just before I came on he snarled at me and said "Hey bub, that's my glass of cabernet sauvignon your drinking!" I replied "Hey relax, it's not like that's the first full-bodied red I've taken from you!" Hey-oh! No, I'm just messing with you.

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>>90410028
pretty gud

>>90410028
>hes down to earth

Like literally closer to the ground since hes 4'6

>>90410080
Ugh, that's the joke.
Damn it, this is way we never invite you to these things, Beast.

>>90410028
What's the difference between Wolverine, Emma Frost and Magneto?
One's a small, one's a medium, and one's still at large.

>>90410028
We all know Wolverine has been a smoker for a long time. He's trying to quit. I asked why, he said "I heard it stunts your growth". I said I think that ship has sailed, little buddy. But anyway he had trouble quitting so he tried to switch to pot. He told me he could finally hold his head up high.

Wolverine has a reputation as a bit of a loner. I mean he tells me he has all these girlfriends in different parts of the world, a squaw in Canada, an Eskimo in Alaska, a comfort woman in Japan. I say, hey Logan, why don't you bring these women around some time? He says "Oh, uh, Sabertooth killed her." Sure buddy.. I'm not saying Wolverine masturbates or anything, but the name of his last girlfriend was Palm-ela Hand-erson. And people wonder why his palms are so hairy. I would say "Stop or you'll go blind" but I guess the healing factor takes care of that. They say Wolverine has a strong sense of smell.. how is he the only one who can't tell his room smells like a sperm bank just had an earthquake? He's the best there is at what he does but what he does is fucking disgusting!

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>>90410028
A lot of people tell me I have a complicated backstory, but mine is nothing compared to Logan. Or is it James? Or Weapon X?
Hell, why don't you just tell us what it is that you're calling yourself this week?

>>90410228
Now I understand that it gets lonely, Logan, but I'm concerned at this habit you have of mentoring young girls.. Kitty Pryde, Jubilee, X-23. I know he's Canadian, but I have a feeling that when I heard him say his favorite part is before the first period he wasn't talking about hockey. Hey, what's the difference between Wolverine and acne? Acne waits till you're 13 to come on you!

>>90410312
And as for X-23, I hear she's a clone of you? I know I told you to go fuck yourself, but this is ridiculous! Well, at least it's something you have experience at.

>>90410312
My sides!

MANLET
A
N
L
E
T

I can't take a manlet superhero seriously. Or a Cancuck superhero. Canada should be nuked like a shithole it is.

I actually like some Wolverine comics

>>90409325

Hey Logan, great to see you buddy. Glad to know that unlike those two series in which you got top billing, Quire isn't going to steal your screen time.

But it's good to know that death isn't stopping you or your legacy. Your clone has got your name, your rival has got your attitude and there is an version of you running around that is continuing your crusade of Ephebophilia.

Kurt's in the audience today, hello Kurt. Now, I know that Logan calls you Elf he's got a good point. Because on Christmas whenever you vanish from the space between Logan and the mirror, all he sees is one of Santa's little helpers.

Anyway, hope you have nice night tonight and who knows. Maybe if you are lucky, they'll finally be able to melt off the adamantium shell.