ITT: Characters who canonically cannot go to Heaven.

>Deadpool.
>Lobo.
>The Punisher.
>Constantine.

All the edgelords.

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>when you have to correctly recite your origin story to get past the pearly gates but you've been retconned so many times you can't remember

>>90308790
Alright Ill try to do it. So you have Khufu and Chay-Ara who saw a Thanagarian ship and got the nth metal from it, then they were murdered by Hath-set using Nth metal dagger and it somehow entangled their souls so theyd always reincarnate as star crossed lovers and when they finally fall in love they die because Hath-set is Black Mantas dad. Fast forward some reincarnations and you now have Golden age Hawkman and Hawkwoman who are Carter and Shiera. Shayera dies and Carter also dies, so now we have 2 Thanagarians Katar Hol and Shayera who become the Hawk man and Hawk woman of earth and Somehow Katar dies and his soul is fused with Carter and Shiera's soul goes to her neice who commited suicide, Kendra.

>>90308839
Is that Euphoric Dong?

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>>90308790
>>90308882
Try this one on for size.

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>>90309054
Ill read it in a bit but was it included that Hector Hall has 2 dads and 2 moms. That Hector's parents are Dove and Hawk when Hawk raped Dove as Monarch/Extant forgot which.

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>>90308733

>>90309094
Of course. It even included that he was born without a soul.

>>90308733
Spider-Man

>>90308755

>The Punisher

He could have, but then he got sick of being the Archangels' errand boy and told them to fuck off.

>>90310954
>>90311005
what

>>90311347
He made a deal with the devil to give Aunt May a few more years on life.

Jack from the old myth that led to Halloween jack-o-lanterns.

>>90308733
Why are you faggots so pro god here?

>>90308755
>>The Punisher.
he will skyrocket to heaven

>>90308755
>Deadpool.
I'm sure he can talk his way up some stairs to the pearly gates.

>>90311640
Wait wait wait hol' up. There's a second jack-o-lantern character? I only know of the headless Hessian horseman. Do they fight turf wars over who is the main jack-o-lantern mythical figure?

>>90311843

Um, no. Its a European story (Scotland, Germany, Italy, they all have stories) where a guy tricks either Satan or Death (again, it varies) into leaving him. Heaven shuns him, Hell doesn't want him after tricking their boss, and he can't die, so he wanders the Earth with a hollowed gourd as a lantern. Gourds later became pumpkins, and there ya go.

Here we are. Stingy Jack.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stingy_Jack

You might remember him from Billy and Mandy.

>>90311376
are you fucking stupid

>>90311677
Seriously why is everyone called a fedora for hating god

Constantine. Except those times he does. Which is pretty much every time.

>>90312212
It's a meme you dip

>>90312317
Well its a shit meme that needs to die

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>>90308733
Eddie Brock is definitely not going to heaven

>>90312485
Lol

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>>90308733

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>>90308839
>Filename