How you doin.
It's time for our weekly Spider-man. In tonight's episode Spidey is attacked by mythological figures serving the evil whims of a bookstore lady.
Sit back, relax, enjoy the show and comment if you're so inclined.
Older Spidey threads here
http://pastebin.com/86qedmQu
Fantastic 4 threads here
http://pastebin.com/tjREijhZ
Page 10 here we come!
>>90226246
Thanks. Always takes me a while to get started. How are you.
Hmmmm tonight is too quiet... almost... quiet
*crash*
What was that noise
It came from the museum of art! But it's supposed to be quiet because absolutely no one cares about art!
>>90226317
Fine, how about you?
... But for those who do care, Spider-man does web graffiti, American graffiti, regular graffiti, performance art, and Spider-nudity.
>>90226389
Alright I suppose.
Lookin' good Princess Leia!
Calm down Spidey there's nothing unusual going on around no need to stirrup emotions just because it's the stuff night mares are made of.
Is it pronounced "Vayce" or "Vazz" Oh I'll never know!
Hey you over there. Hold your h...
yourself. Hold your yourself. It's pronounced "Vayce!"
Oh really?! Know I know! Thanks Spider-man!
Spider-man: Let's put this thing back where it belongs alright?
HEY! I WASN'T DONE LOOKING AT IT YET. How dare you rein in on my parade! I was just horsing around!
Take it outside! There's a rule against horseplay in museums!
Fuck off, you're being a nosy neighbor you're not dad
Owwwwwf! That centaur's strength is marbleous!
NOPE
Sorry my hoofed art-thrief friend. But this ain't my first rodeo
Centaur: Awwwwww
Walloping websnappers! It disappeared! Gonna miss that guy.
MISS BRANT! HOW COME THAT PENCIL-NECK PARKER ISN'T AROUND WHEN HE'S NEEDED
But Mister Jameson! You gave him the day off!
I GAVE HIM THE DAY AND NOW I'M TAKING IT BACK. GO FIND THAT LOSER AND TELL HIM TO GET OVER TO THE MUSEUM
Jameson: Vandalism! Teen Hoodlums that's what it is!
*brrrrrrrrnng*
>>90226189
awwwwwwwww yeah.
Jameson here.
WHAT?!
NO!
I SELL HOT NEWS HERE NOT COLD MYTHOLOGY. GO BACK AND RETHINK YOUR COLLEGE DEGREE IN FOLKLORE AND MYTHOLOGY BECAUSE YOU'LL HAVE BETTER LUCK FINDING MOISTURE IN YOUR DRY VAG WITH A DIVINING ROD THAN GETTING A STORY ABOUT DEAD GODS FROM DEAD LANGUAGES IN THE BUGLE.
AND THAT'S FINAL.
...
He hung up on me. He hung up on ME. That's final? You'll see what's final when I'm through with you.
Jameson! You'll be begging for expert guidance on mythology soon enough.
I have to go to sleep now.
Hope this thread stays alive until tomorrow.
*poof*
Whatdyaneed?
>>90227047
You and me both. I'm far too slow. If not there's always the arch
Cyclops! It's your turn! You will succeed where the Centaur failed!
>>90227072
there's always the archive
And if Spider-man shows up! Well, you know what to do.
Uh what? No I don't I was just poofed into existence seconds ago.
Ohhhhhh you want me to kill him and eat him? Sure, why not?
Miss Trubble: Now go Cyclops! Go and force Jonah Jameson to take notice of us!
Cyclops: JEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN
You know, after all this time of pondering how I shot web I've never thought about and reflected on WHY I shot web.
Form thinking position. And what's the deal with that centaur? You don't see those everyday and why was it robbing a museum and not doing something in character for the species like rape?
EEEEEEUGHHHHHHH
Whoa hey! Watch it!
A CYCLOPS?!
Why're you picking on me for! I'm no Wolverine or Ulysses I'm just some nobody! And all those people who say you do nothing wrong? They're wroooooooooooong
Eep
Nice depth perception, asshole! I'm over here!
Hope this works
Somehow he died before the rock hit him. Ah well, we didn't see eye to eye anyways.
Another failure! Nothing can interfere with my plans and monsters aren't doing the job!
But who to summon next? Ares? No, too predictable.
Baccus? Spider-man's not the type to drink on the job.
Hades? No, he's just an overhyped bureaucrat.
Zeus? He'd be fine until turns into an animal and gets in a frisky mood or decides to give birth to new deities from his head ... yeah no, Zeus. Things would get too weird too fast.
OH I KNOW
You there! Go hunt Spider-man! He's red and blue ! Occasionally has web armpits Can't miss him!
Spider sense is telling me something. Something is flying my way.
If you were aiming for the knee you're way off!
...
Next time I will not miss. This Spider-man I promise you.
Hold on a minute! You haven't introduced yourself or said what type of men you're into. Chicks dig me ya know?
And let's talk about the craftsmanship on these arrows. I know a guy named Clint and he could hook you up with some nice arrows at wholesale prices.
Quit prattling, mortal. You will not escape me for I am Diana, Goddess of the hunt.
>>90227200
kek
Hi Diana can you please go fetch Cupid for me before we continue?
No? Look, I'm sure you're a great Goddess and all but could you introduce me to one of your hotter, more popular goddess friends? Someone who hasn't taken a vow of chastity like Aphrodite?
Something I said?
You're outta here
Easy come easy go, right?
Who could behind these mythological menaces and why did she call herself Diana and not Artemis? SOMEONE hasn't done their homework.
SOMEONE BROKE INTO THE STONEFELLER MANSION LAST NIGHT AND STOLE THIS FUCKING STONE STATUE THING
PARKER, YOU'RE A YOUTH WITH TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS, YOU TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS
bump, this is too good
Peter: Hmmmmm it looks like Hades' dog, Cerberus, but it's a little too lizard like maybe a confused hydra? Or a mutant chimera?
Betty: Peter you're putting far far too much effort into this. It's a Cerberus and no one cares.
>>90228177
thanks
*BRRRRRRNNNNG*
NO. THE ANSWER IS NO
Now What was your question?
NO. YOU ARE NOT GETTING A DAILY COLUMN ON MYTHOLOGY. LISTEN LADY, IF YOU WANT TO READ A TABLOID ABOUT FICTIONAL EVENTS AND FICTIONAL PEOPLE WITH RIDICULOUS POWERS GO AND READ THE DAILY PLANET.
AND THAT'S FINAL
Miss Brant, if that womanish thing calls again, I am OUT.
Peter: Another JJ romance going down in flames?
Betty: Nothing that dramatic or juicy, just some used book dealer pusher named Miss Trubble
Miss Trubble is right! Now that's woman who lives up to her name! And who needs romance? I've got a newspaper to run!
Diana was standing right in front of this store. This all can't be a coincidence.
Better play it cool.
HELLO? I AM INTERESTED IN PURCHASING USED BOOKS AND USED BOOK ACCESSORIES
HMMMMM what an interesting coincidence
And there's some photographic evidence
Miss Trubble: Young man, we don't sell pornographic books here. You'll have to find some back alley book dealer to hook up you.
Peter: I'm from the Daily Bugle and Mister Jameson tells me that you're an expert on mythology and we'd like to write an article about you!
DID HE LISTEN TO NOTHING. IF HE WANTS A MYTHOLOGY COLUMNIST HE'LL HAVE TO COME HERE IN PERSON AND TALK BUSINESS. I TALK BUSINESS WITH HIM OR I TALK NOTHING AT ALL AND THAT'S FINAL
but but but
Miss Trubble: NOW GO
*SLAM*
I wonder why she locked herself in the closet
Yep. Photographic evidence and analysis confirms that the stolen statue and the one in the bookstore and one in the same. It's time for Spider-man to pay Miss Trubble a visit.
Closed? HA! Not to this costumer! Spider-man doesn't give a damn about your business hours
One foot through the window and there's already commotion
>>90226472
Woah, that statue is hot.
WAN WAN WAN
Just what we need. a literal guard dog
Down boy. Play dead
*BAM*
Long as I can kill them before they kill me it's ok but that was close!
Any other monsters, titans, or gods in here please show yourself now
A chest! There's probably goodies inside!
Not just any chest, Spider-man, it's a very special chest. And only I have the magic key
Seriously? Do you seriously have Pandora's box? Do you not know what happened to the original person who literally opened and all the scores of people who have figuratively opened it?
You know about that? Then you know too much for your own good!
What can I say? I'm an insufferable know-it-all jackass.
>>90229226
Holy shit OP this is fucking amazing work you're doing. My night is much better.
I'LL GIVE YOU A TASTE OF WHAT'S IN THE BOX AND UNLIKE PANDORA I AM SMART AND TALENTED AND HUMBLE AND NOTHING BAD WILL COME OF IT
>>90229264
thanks. Do this every week for funsies.
Spider-man: Who's your friend with the nice aesthetics?
This reminds me of Spiderdub by Rablats.
OK, I have to know, what does she actually want? You can't be serious about that column in the Bugle, that's too dumb even for a 60's Spider-Man TAS villain.
>>90229381
I think that as a woman in her late to mid 40's she just wanted Jameson dick.
Trubble: Great Vulcan, God of fire! Imprison him! This act will get you back in Hera's good graces!
Spider-man: You mean Hephaestus. That's Hephaestus. Greek or Roman names, pick a side and stick with it.
HERE! HAVE SOME BLING FROM THE GOOOOOODS
HAVE SOME WEBBING FROM SPIDER-MAAAAAAAAAAN
WATCH THE SMITHING HAMMER. YOU WERE GRANTED A GOLDEN GIFT AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY A GOD
>>90229337
>Hephaestus
>nice aesthetics
OK, I said nothing at the Cerberus-Hydra-Chimera, but this is just inaccurate. He was thrown off of Olympus as a child because of his deformed feet.
GO GIDDUM FINISH HIM TEAR HIM TO SHREDS
>>90229530
I'm aware. Hera tosses him
No! Take it back! The gold chains clash with the outfit!
HAVE AN ACME ANVIL FROM THE GOOOOOOODS
YES! DO IT! SMASH HIM FLAT MAKE HIM A BLOODY STAIN FOR HIS INSOLENCE DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE MESS I CAN SUMMON HYGEIA TO FIX THE PLACE UP
I WANT TO SEE BLOOD AND LOTS OF IT
eugggggghhhhhh
This is why you don't play with anvils, kids. The cartoons make them look like fun but they're dangerous tools. 10% of all anvil accidents are from toddlers finding their parents anvils and dropping throwing them at siblings or themselves.
Spider-man: The chest is the cause of all this and it must go
Spider-man: That should do it
THE CHEST VULCAN THE CHEST!
>>90229825
>>90229856
Man, I know 60s Spider-Man is the land of hax web bullshit, but for a second there I thought the web was turning into a pair of hands doing a hadouken.
BACK MORTAL YOUR WEBS ARE NO MATCH FOR MY POWERFUL INSTRUMENTS
pffffffffffffff
>>90229926
I WANT THAT SO BAD NOW SOMEONE DRAW IT DO IT DO IT DO IT
Wow what a blowhard
Hephaestus: Now I shall finish you for good
Trubble: DO IT VULCAN DO IT MAKE A LETTER-OPENER FROM HIS BONES TO LESSEN THE STING OF OPENING MY FORECLOSURE AND BANKRUPTCY NOTICES
HOT COALS FROM THE GOOOOOODS
Lousy throwing arm for a God! You know what they say, those who can't fight, smith. No wonder your parents didn't want you!
FWOOOOOOOOSHHHH
Trubble: My books my precious books! Back! Back in your chest at once I command you!
BITCH! SILENCE WOMAN! THIS GOD THROWS HOT COALS AS HE PLEASES!
NO ONE COMMANDS THE GODS
Shit's on fire, yo
The chest... I can fix this... I'll summon Hercules and he can put the glad in gladiator..
Spider-man: Ok so how about instead of going with your plan we revoke your Pandora's Box privileges and burn it instead.
*POOF*
I can't stand this heat so I'm outta here!
For an old lady, you could stand to drop a few pounds!
*BOOOOOOOM*
Spider-man: So officers, that woman summoned a God from a box, we fought, I burned the box and the God and gold chains did I mention chains? They disappeared. Then the bookstore exploded... I did see the Anarchist's cookbook back there so many that was the catalyst for it all? Anyways day is saved and everyone's happy!
Oh and here's that stolen statue
For me? How'd you know it was my birthday? Everyone else forgot! Thanks Spider-man!
The moral, ladies and gentlemen, is that being an atheist and believing in nothing solves more problems than it causes, I guess.
Or that Greeks will inherit the Earth or something. Hell if I know.
THE END
>>90230642
Thanks a lot, man. It's been a while since something on /co/ made me laugh this hard. This is delicious!
And that's all for this week. Be back with more next week. Eventually I'll have to do the long episodes cause they're good but also time intensive to do.
Hope that you guys liked what you read and have a good weekend.
You put a lot of work into this SNS you're the best
JJJ would be proud maybe.
>>90230819
Nice, looks more like a fireball though, the Hadouken retains it's ball core, also maybe have him yell "HADOUKEN!"?
>>90230819
Thanks a lot! Made my night!
>>90226472
> Haters gonna Hate
Another well spent saturday night, thanks!
>>90232494
You are very welcome
>>90230819
train some grappling and you can send him to SATURDAY NIGHT WEBMASTERS
>>90226621
>just sling a fragile vase back down on the shelf with your web-whip
Sure that makes sense.
>>90232494
this
>>90230642
Beautiful.
Thank you SNS.