Tell me a bedtime story, /co/.

You first.

>>90091144
LONG AGO IN A DISTANT LAND

>>90091189
I AKU, THE CHILD-RAPING FATHER OF DARKNESS UNLEASHED AN UNSPEAKABLE EVIL

Explain it all, Clarissia.

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>>90091144
Once upon a time there was an ugly girl.
She was so ugly, she got molested.
The End.

>>90091231
the end.

>>90091241
Fuck you Patrick.

>>90091241
Wouldn't being ugly decrease the chances of being molested?

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>>90091144
Once upon a time there was this man-child named Bernd...

once upon a time RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE the end :)

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>>90091144

certainly, my dear.

this one's called "The Ugly Victor"

Ever heard of a cream pie?

>>90091273
It's about power, anon. That's what all rape is about.

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>>90091273
I'm not sure if I should answer this seriously or think up a good joke.

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>>90091337
Once there was a very ugly Victor. He was so ugly that everybody died

THE END

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>>90091337
>>90091381

RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRDS.

>>90091144
what kind of story would you like to hear? maybe one about 4 brothers gaining shark powers? Or perhaps about a group of mummies protecting a californian boy.

>>90091359
THINKING NO ONE MAN SHOULD HAVE ALL THAT POWER

>>90091144
Nah, here's a can of bear mace and a hornet's nest grenade. Sleep tight.

>>90091241
Jokes don't get funnier the more times you repeat them, anon.

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>>90091144
I'm good friends with Warren Buffet!

>>90091496
Yes they do. It's science.

>>90091496
>what's that? an obvious joke I've seen before?
>there's only one person on this board who could be behind this!

>>90091714
>>90091496
I thought those were memes

>>90091241
kek'd

Post the drawing

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bed time everybody

I forget what she's from

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>>90091241

That's not funny, Patrick. Fuck you. Ever since you started going to 4chan you've forgotten how to have any fun that isn't offending people. I don't want to hang out with you anymore.

>>90091749
It's the same joke getting repeated whether or not it's the same asshole telling it.

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>>90091144

Tell how Luigi found Yoshi, and Yoshi rescue princess!

>>90091231
and his evil brothers make the little girl eat her own puke

>>90092065
A comic

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>>90091189
>>90091231
God have mercy on my soul for what I thought when I read this

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Well, Tamatoa hasn't always been this glam

>>90092086
>>90091241
I don't remember Spongebob being this raunchy.

>>90095031
Now here's a bedtime story i want to hear

>>90091273
the pretty ones inspire more fantasies, but the ugly ones are easier to physically and socially and can be groomed to see their molestation as affirming experience.

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>>90092086
Do you know what it's like to have nothing, Spongebob?

My parents were bottom feeders. Their parents were bottom feeders. Hell, whatever crawled out of the primordial ooze and eventually gave birth to the whole Star clan was probably the world's first fucking bottom feeder.

Do you want to know what my father got me for my eighth birthday? It was a rock. I remember it so vividly. Every hole, every chip, every crag in its face. I looked up at him and I asked him...

I said "what's this, dad?"

And he just laughed. He laughed for what seemed like an hour. And he looked me in the eyes and he said to me: "It's all you'll ever have in this world, son."

I had no idea what he meant. Not until it no longer mattered, anyway. Spongebob, when you look at me, what do you see? You see a friend? You see an idiot accomplice? I see less than that. I am a 35 year old starfish. I've never had a job I could hold down for more than 11 minutes. I've never had anyone's respect or admiration.

I've never had a fucking woman, Spongebob! Do you have any idea what that's like? Waking up every day in your cold, hard bed and realising all too soon that nothing's changed: that even your sweetest dreams couldn't detract from the fact that you're desperately, hopelessly alone? You think I haven't tried? Oh, I've tried. But every time I see the scorn or the disgust on their soft, perfect faces, I just want to hurt someone. I want to kill someone! And with each passing day I'm starting to realise that that someone is probably me!

Knowing you, it kept me busy. Kept me comfortably numb. All the jellyfishing and fucking with Squidward: best years of my god forsaken life. But life ends. And we as sapient creatures are cursed with an awareness of our own insignificance.

I'm the insignificant among insignificants, Spongebob. I'm the the dirt beneath the dirt. And you want to begrudge me this? This one thing? Go fuck yourself, Spongebob. It's all funny. And we're just funny looking.

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>This thread

Not sure who's worse at telling stories, papa /co/ or uncle /tg/

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>>90095511
So... Are you going to order anything then?

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>>90095632
Nothing you could give me, Squidward. But a Krabby Patty'll do.

For here, for now, and maybe forever: it'll do.

>>90095511
Have you ever thought of attempting some self reflection and self improvement instead blaming others for your lot in life?

>>90096197

Regardless of what I do, there's no light at the end of the tunnel. No happily ever after. This is all it comes to. No, this is Patrick.

>>90096444
Checked, here's a gift
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmI5PUL6L9k

>>90095511
this is pretty good

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>>90091241
>>90092086
>>90095511
>>90095632
>>90095715
>tfw I read it all in their voices
W-what have you done to me, /co/?

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>>90095511
>I've never had a job I could hold down for more than 11 minutes.

>>90095511
damn anon is off his medication again

>>90091401
Doom you shouldn't let people see up your skirt like that, you might have to take responsibility.

>>90095632
fucking died laughing its so perfect

>>90095511
10/10 I'll compile this

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>>90091241
>>90092086
>>90095511
>>90095632
>>90095715

>>90091144
There was a little girl and one time her bad dad came to molest her. This time the girl was brave and prepared. She pulled a sharp stick she made from her toothbrush and punched with it as hard as she could at the neck of her bad dad.
Dad screamed and punched and was scared. Then he went silent. He never molested the little girl again, because he became dead.
And there was nothing the grownups could do to the little girl, because she always said she defended herself, asked for help but her teacher and mom never helped her.
And then she lived happily ever after with other parents. The end.

>>90099629
That's not how I remember it ending in PEEK!

>>90099862
Bulges and recognition.

>>90099862
I recoognize that bulge!>>90100249

>>90100468
Yes, that was what I was implying.