Spider-man (1967) The Revenge of Dr. Magneto

Am interested, lurking

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It was a dark and stormy night it's always a dark and storm night but this time there's a boat involved!

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What a storm! Temping as a boat life guard is hard work, but I have to earn the money to see a doctor about this hump somehow

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Spider-man: Will the boat make it? Can't save a boat unless it's sinking first. Dats da rules.

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The science hall of fame has once again failed to elect me scientist of the year! They didn't even nominate me this time! Not even for a science razzie! The judges, the Insane Clown Posse never understood! They couldn't!

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So now the whole world must know what power the great Doctor Magneto wields! And they must know that it's pronounced Mag-net-oh not Mag-neat-o! The latter form is stupid there's no second A in the name why would anything say it like that!

strapped in

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The start of my revenge on the Science Hall of Fame begins with that boat and I'll start THAT revenge by attacking the light house! With magnetism!

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Whalloping websnappers! The lighthouse went dark! Now it's just a house!

>>89659779
>>89660048
This is gonna get real dumb real fast

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Come on Lighthouse! Don't give up on us now! We're all counting on you!

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MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Boat! Welcome to die!

>>89660024
I'm assuming this guy is a poorly disguised Magneto who uses a prop gun to throw people off.

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COME ON! COME ON! LIGHT HOUSE CHANGE GEARS OR WE'LL BE WATCHING A BAND PLAY ITSELF DOWN TO DAVY JONES'S LOCKER

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Have you tried pushing? And pull with your wrist! Proper form's important!

>>89660181

No, he's somebody else entirely, but he is dashingly handsome.

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I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING SPIDER-MAN! IT WON'T WORK! NOTHING WORKS! I TRIED YELLING AT IT, I TRIED GIVING UP AND HOPING MY PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVENESS WOULD MAKE IT FEEL BAD AND FIX ITSELF, AND I TRIED ASKING THE EXPERTS AT YAHOO ANSWERS BECAUSE THEY'VE NEVER LED ME WRONG BEFORE! ENF! EEENNNFRHHH! IT'S TOO HARD I HATE EVERYTHING.

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Don't be a pussy let me show you how it's done. EUGHHHHHH NO. IT'S NOT DOING ANYTHING IT'S HOPELESS

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I concur. It is hopeless. Everything's stuck. We've proven the saying "Many hands make light work" false.

>>89660250
Well, real or not, I think we can all agree that that is one bitchin' stach.

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Hold up I have a spare light from my patented Spider-man utility belt! It'll work! It has to!

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All the lumens must work together to save the day.

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Spider-man: Come on guys! Head directly towards the blinding light! You can make it!

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Jameson: Listen to this! Spider-man saves the freighter! As if a seasoned Captain couldn't guide a ship in by himself! I bet Spider-man probably put those dangerous rocks in the water, just for fun!

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>Rocks in the water? Damn! Why didn't I think of that.

Um Mr. Jameson, what about the reports that the lighthouse and everything in it was magnetized?

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Magnetism?! Rubbish! There isn't that much concentrated magnetism in the whole world! And the jury is still out on whether magnetism even exists! It may all be a hoax!

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Betty: We both saw that magnetism Documentary last night. Peter! Correct him!

Peter: ... meh.

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Um so Mr. Jameson are we not going to run the Spider-man and the boat story? Doesn't your code of journalism force you to cover the story?

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Oh WE'LL RUN THE STORY ALRIGHT! ON THE BACK PAGE! AND POSSIBLY IN A DINGBAT FONT!

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What the fuck is this shit? It's on the back page?! And they didn't even mention magnetism!

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All the mention is Spider-man! Like he's capable of plans a quarter as genius as mine!

Opening this thread and saving it for later reading

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You! At the computer! Yes you! Get your hand out of your pants and be honest! Don't I deserve to be famous? To be known not just for my good looks but for my awesome talents?! Can't I at least have that? The kids, they must believe, they must believe in magnetism. You believe in Magnets and can explain how they work, right? RIGHT?

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I'll just have think bigger. Better! Give people a demonstration of magnetism they won't forget no matter how hard they try! That'll make me famous!

>>89660760
I was actually scratching my balls when I read this.

Fuck you for freaking me put OP

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WOOOO go yankees!

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No security? Man, no one cares about baseball any more. Peeeeeerfeeect. You never value what you've lost until it's gone.

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Fun Fact: Magnets CAN melt steel beams if you put your mind to it.

>>89660747
Thats a good way to do it. Put it on autoupdate and tab out

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NEVER FORGET

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Yes! Yes! Try ignoring THAT act of unspeakable horror! There's no way they can ignore my genius and put that on the back page now!

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Can't wait to buy tomorrow's newspaper! But first! To make some celebratory cupcakes! Vanilla cupcakes with strawberry frosting and a dab of lemon curd!

Wouldn't it be better to steam it and let chat make the memes?

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Not a single pop fly to catch and force them to sign. I should root for a better team.

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Either my eyes are playing tricks on me or the tracks are broken. I'll double check to be sure.

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They are broken! How could that happen? Termites?!

>>89661036
It's been done. You can only fit some memes in a 10 minute episode

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Choo choo

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Don't have any duct tape to fix the tracks but some webbing should do in a pinch

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Oh yeah there's a train coming at high speed and I'm standing right in front of it.

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Time to get some pictures! JJ's going to need proof

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I don't need proof that the tracks got wrecked! I need proof that Spider-man wrecked and then fixed the tracks! Where's those pictures?!

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Um so are we not printing that Spider-man saved anyone or what? It's hard to make out what you want

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I DIDN'T PAY FOR THIS PICTURE NOT TO USE IT, MISS BRANT. WE'LL PRINT IT AND IT'S GOING IN THE SPORTS SECTION

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Magneto: Spiderman nearly causes calamity.

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AGAIN WITH THE SPIDERMAN IT'S ALWAYS SPIDERMAN! SPIDERMAN SPIDERMAN SPIDERMAN! AND THE STORY PRINTED HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PICTURE AND LOOKS TO BE PARTIALLY IN RUSSIAN! I AM SO FUCKING MAD RIGHT NOW

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Calm yourself. Breath in. Breath out. Don't let him get to you. Maybe you're going over everyone's heads. Remember your rivalry with Doctor Chuckie Zavior (sucks what happened to his arms) and how you can't let him and his team of harpies the ex-men get all the glory. Maybe you're being too subtle about this. Think Magneto think!

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Maybe I should communicate in a way he'll best understand

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Dear J. Jonah Jameson, I, the great Magneto, am responsible for almost wrecking the boat and the train...

>>89660181
>"This time it is YOU who are the one tricked by a wooden prop! Revenge is sweet!"

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... by the time you receive this letter the maassive, broncse statute of Promethius at Rockefella center will b magneticed and flown I mean lifted to the top of the Umpire State Building!

>For fucks sake why does no one who writes letters to the editor use a goddamn dictionary

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Dude what

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"At xactlee noon I will demagnit it nd send it crshing to teh stret bellow,

Sincerely, Dr. Magneto
Master of Magnet

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Oh no! Prometheus is going to commit suicide by jumping from the Empire State Building? The horror!

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Magneto... Magneto... that name sounds familiar. It rings a bell... I swear I've heard it before but I can't remember... something to do with purple? Fashion designer? Naaah.

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Magneto! Bah! Never heard of him! Why do all these nobodies write me and expect me to care about their problems?!

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Jameson: Hold on I need to take this call. WHAT. A bronzed person on top of the empire state building?! And he's not wearing any shoes! This is serious!

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Jameson: MISS BRANT! YOU'RE WEARING TOO MUCH LIPSTICK! FIX IT.

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Jameson: PARKER! YOU'RE NOT WEARING ENOUGH LIPSTICK. FIX IT AND GET TO THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING AND GET ME SOME PICTURES

AND WHAT TIME IS IT?

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Time for you to get a new watch, Mr. Jameson!

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Is that madman Magneto really going to do it? I've only got ... 1... 2...3 minutes? WHY CAN'T THIS CITY GO DIGITAL

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Time to take a dive, Prometheus!

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Oh my god he's coming down! Yeah, he's my God, and he could be yours too if you want him to be.

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I gotcha buddy. Anyone who steals fire and gives it to men is A-OK in my book!

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And now you're being supported by your impressive dick. That's one thing to check off the bucket list.

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WHAT? NO. HE STOPPED IT. ALL I WANT IS MY NAME AND STORY IN THE FRONT PAGE IN THE PAPER AND BE GIVEN AN AWARD ONLY NERDS CARE ABOUT IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?

>>89660366
>not turning into seaman semen porn
baka

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SOMEDAY I'LL HAVE REVENGE. JUST YOU WAIT. BUT FIRST I'LL HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT

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M... M for Magneto. I know I've seen or heard or that name at least once in my life.

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Love checking this book! I love how Hank Pym isn't even considered a scientist after all the shit he's pulled over the years.

Oh and how they have an entire section on Dr. Doom how he's a college dropout

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There's Magneto! First name Matto? His parents must have hated the shit out of him. Speciality in Magnetism? Hmmmmmmmmm Science Hall of Fame HMMMMM

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And why was he given a full page for a footnote's worth of information? Better check out the science hall of fame to get the dirt on this guy!

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Spider-sense is vibrating! That means there's a clue nearby!

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Hey! Anyone here know a guy named Magneto? Wears a suit and what appears to be his mom's pink tablecloth as a cape?

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WHAT'S HAPPENING MY BODY'S MOVING ON ITS OWN

OW MY HIP

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Wahahaha! Kill you Spider-chicken with one magnetic pull of my power!

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Dude you only knocked me down 10 feet. You're not even special! You're just a guy in a suit!

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Magneto: Not so fast!

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Ack ack ack! Now I know what it feels like to be literally everyone I fight! Gross! It's all damp!

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Surprised? You should be! This gun doesn't just magnetize metal! It can also magnetize wood! Paper! Cloth! Flesh! Anything! So don't even think of pulling a wooden gun on me cause it ain't gonna work!

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Sir, did you ever consider the fact that what you said makes no sense? And you call yourself a scientist!

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IT MAKES SENSE AND I AM TOO A SCIENTIST. I COULD EXPLAIN IT TO YOU BUT YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND IT NOBODY UNDERSTANDS

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MAYBE THE SCIENTISTS ARE ALL VISUAL LEARNERS. I'LL JUST GIVE THEM A DEMONSTRATION AND THEY'LL BE HAPPY AND GIVE ME AN AWARD AND A CAKE AND A NICE HAT AND A PAT ON THE BACK

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so like, what? Don't keep me in suspense.

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It's a surprise! For me to know and for you to find out!

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HEY! What did I just tell you, bro? I hate surprises and don't like being kept in suspense!

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Magneto: You think you can escape my magnetic powers over there? Magnetism is everywhere and within all of us, all around you, flowing and ebbing.

Spider-man: Ow my butt!

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Magneto: And now! I demagnetized you from the Earth! It's not gravity keeping you grounded! It's magnetism! And how do you like being held suspended?

Spider-man: Fuck you.

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But wait! There's more I can do than just reverse magnetism!

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AHHHHH WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME NOW?

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Oh just magnetized your skin to be attracted to the metal with the friction acting so hard it's creating static electricity! Amazing what a creative mind can do isn't it? You're stuck to that fence, forever.

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Magneto: Actually let's change that to make you surrounded by bars rather than just stuck to it. Yeah that's better!

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No! I can do better than that! I'll suspend the entire Science Hall of Fame over the ocean! With Magnetism! And then I'll drop it under the water!

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And then you'll be underwater with the building FOREVER

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You sure about that? I'm a pretty good swimmer if I do say so myself.

>>89662855
>>89662984
>>89663070
>>89663119
>>89663149


Are we sure that Magneto isn't just Karl Marx upset over the fall of the Soviet Union?

>>89662037
Huh, this must have been risque at the time. I wonder if angry parents wrote the network.

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Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! WHY DIDN'T I CONSIDER THAT PEOPLE MIGHT TRY AND STOP ME.

OK SPIDER-MAN WHAT ABOUT THIS?! II will magnetize the ocean so that the water molecules are attracted to you and reverse magnetize oxygen molecules so you can't breath any air!

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Anyone ever tell you that you look kind of like a British Mark Twain? Cause you look kind of like him but with horrible, horrible teeth.

>>89662427
With a name like that your only options are becoming a magnetism scientist or a super-villain, Magneto did both.

>>89659748
Captivated bump

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Ha ha! Yeah! I do get that a lot! And you! Faceless person 89663272! You're wrong! I ALSO sell refrigerator magnets on the side!

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You know, I've fought against weirdos with inexplicable control over things before and you ain't anything special. Fun's over.

>>89662637
"Fucking magnets, how do they work!?"
—Writers of Spider-Man TAS, 1965

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WHAT. HOW. HOW DID YOU NULLIFY MY MAGNETISM. MY POWERS... GONE!

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I'll tell you! But first I must shimmy and shake myself free from this... whatever it is. I was feeling like I was in a Salvador Dali painting for a bit.

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HOW. HOW DID HE DEFEAT MY MAGNETISM. IS HE A MASTER OF MAGNET TOO?

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Nope! Just came prepared! Why you were running your jaw I switched my regular webbing to my special anti-magnetic webbing! You see, I came prepared!

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You... you can do that? My magnetism... gone... forever...

>>89663451
W-wait... didn't he say that he could magnetize even non-magnetic material? This is breaking my immersion.

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Spider-man: And you're also grounded!

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Magneto: No! This is bullshit! You can't ground Magneto! You cheated! You cheated!

Spider-man: Damn right I did. You sit right young man, until father gets home.

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I hate you magneto, I hate everything about you, your stupid gun, your uncombed hair, your unkempt mustache, your rotten teeth, your outdated fashion sense. You're going to sit here. You're going to sit here and I'm going to get a bunch of ugly children to come laugh at you.

There's always someone better than you and I didn't even break a sweat doing it.

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And I wrote a poem for you!

Roses are red
Violets are blue
There's a loser here
And I think it's you.

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Magneto: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please don't do this I'm sorry!

Was your anti-webbing based on the principles of magnetism or was it based off of my morality and how I use it?

Spider-man: Yes

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Spider-man: This poem's pretty good... I'm going to leave it here. Just think that all of this could have been avoided if you'd used your bullshit for good and not evil.

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Jameson: OF COURSE WE'RE PRINTING THE STORY OF MAGNETO GETTING CAPTURED BY SPIDER-MAN BUT NOT ON THE FRONT PAGE!

MISS BRANT! YOU ARE STANDING TOO CLOSE

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Well, SOMEONE needs to compliment my perfume

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Jameson: Back page? NO. People look at that sometimes! Op/ED? NO. Sports? NO Classified? NO

Betty: How about with the coupons? One apprehension by Spider-man, not valid with J. Jonah Jameson?

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Jameson: That sounds great! I'm glad I thought of that! That'll keep Spider-man from looking in my window!

Spider-man: Remember. You all need to remember. If you mess with forces you and no one else understand I WILL gather children to laugh at your expense


THE END

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And that's all for this week. Hope you all enjoyed cause I'll be back next saturday for more. Next week's episode is Jameson lobbying the US government to give a foreign country a loan for some reason.

Didn't think I'd make it this week cause my computer has been giving me problems.

You all have a good weekend.

Oh, and there's ANOTHER Magneto in Marvel comics. and some Trivia, this is the third Magneto, the second is the mutant. Why Jack Kirby and Stan Lee put a guy named Magneto in this show 5 years after the creation of the X--men villain no one can say.

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hey can you chuck a link to the archive

>>89664085
I keep forgetting to update this. I get a little burned out after doing these threads I just take it easy the rest of the night.

http://pastebin.com/86qedmQu
http://pastebin.com/tjREijhZ

Making this stuff up on the spot is somewhat taxing.

mate your a fucking top cobber cheers

>>89664085
But just for you I updated Spider-man to current.

>>89664306
I'm going to enjoy doing return of the most Australian man alive episode where he goes to Florida

Fascinating captain

>>89664152
Thanks for this brofessor

>>89665172
>>89664651

You're very welcome

bumpan for oc

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL750C0706557F5CA3

>>89659748
>Other magneto
You have my attention.

>>89668362