Spider-man (1967) Fifth Avenue Phantom

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Here we are at 5th Avenue! The Phantom's evil domain for some reason. Time to shed some light on this mystery.

(Know what's awesome? When the wifi dies and firefox doesn't want to load the capchas)

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Now what place is pretentious enough for the Phantom to hit next? Why not Benet's? They're so obnoxiously snobbish that they wouldn't let me step in the door!

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The Bugle's doing a toy drive with a healthy amount of copyright infringement? I doubt the Phantom would be interested in that.

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...but that Grotesque display is getting warmer. Ick look at that thing, she looks like she's wearing a shower curtain.

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Bingo. A fur coat! People pay a lot of money to wear skinned animals! From a ... I want to say a Wampa maybe?

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Now to break in before the Phantom does. Through the most depressing break room on Earth.

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My little ol' spider tracer is all I need. Now! to hope this gets stolen instead of legally purchased!

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Uh oh. Spidey sense is trying to tell me that there are bad times ahead with a 30% possibility of clouds and blunt force trauma.

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Well, if it isn't Spider-man. How's it going?

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OH MY GOD It's the ghost of Christmas Future!

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Give me some time! I can change! Oh wait you're the 5th Avenue Funky Phantom

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Ass, did it look like I brought the funk? It's Mr. The 5th Avenue Phantom to you. Buuut at least you recognize me. I crave attention.

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Well if you're The Phantom then the Phantom knows he's gonna get got!

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Here's a free sample of perfume! Sir! I'm sure your girlfriend/wife/mother would love it!

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*cough* But I don't have any *ack* of those!

>>89483584
I cannot place who it is but her design reminds me of another character.
Jose and the Pussycats maybe?

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Oh god! It smells! It smells like pixie sticks and hairspray and gossip and rainbows and Cosmopolitan magazine!

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Spider-Man: I hate... the perfume... department.

Phantom: What a fucking lightweight. He smells a little perfume and he just passes out?

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Phantom: Marie! YOU'VE PUT ON ANOTHER 5 POUNDS HAVEN'T YOU. I ORDER YOU TO GO ON THE BULIMIA DIET AND YOU SOMEHOW GET FATTER.

I'm going to step out and finish my rounds, you get to work here, fatass. Maybe since mustard gas is banned ... maybe perfume is the next frontier in biological warfare?

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Sure boss, whatever you say, I work on commission either way.

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This appears to be a coat. There, passed the spot check.

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80% smaller. 80% markup

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Mirror! Shrink everything! Oh it didn't reflect.

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A mirror suitable for queen ants.

This is an interesting thread.

Proceed

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Now to put the small stuff here and there's still time to hit up the microbrewery

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Officers! I, Benet B. Benet have been brutally burgled by a bullying butthead!

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All my stuff! The coat! Chair! Mirror! The three things I was selling! Gone!

And I bet I know who did it, too! That guy! The Fifth Avenue Phantom!

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Wha what time is it? How long have I been down here? It feels like someone smashed a bottle of nyquil over my head...

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Hold up you think I'm the Phantom menace? Yeah!, maybe I took the loot and passed it off to my good friends Count Dracula and Tel Angor.

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AHA! See?! HE ADMITS IT! ALL THEM BLOOD-SUCKERS ARE IN IT TOGETHER!

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ARREST HIM! ARREST HIM NOW!

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Sorry Spider-man, but it's his word against yours and we police officers are duty bound to take everything you say literally. You'll have to come with us downtown.

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I'm raising my hands! I surrender!

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PSYKE

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I don't have to comply with the law! I'm Spider-man! And FYI vampires kinda hate me cuz I have garlic breath!

>>89483884
Oh and thank you.

>>89483612
And no clue.

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Stop! We don't know how to aim and have poor trigger discipline! That makes us more dangerous!

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Wait up, Let's check to see if there's a broad side of a barn up here for you to shoot at.

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>The nerve of these guys! Our taxpayer dollars go to THEIR salaries. I'm Outta here

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WAAAAAAH WAAAAAAAH ARREST HIM WAAAAAH WAAAAAAH WITH YOUR BULLETS

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"Bang bang!! I didn't bring any bullets so I'm sayin' it!"

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Homing device! Obey your master and find the Phantom with the fur coat and other stuff!

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Can't hear anything! No power!

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Are the batteries dead or did they get put in the wrong way? Either way, hope the Phantom doesn't find the tracer!

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Phantom: Ahhhh! Sandra! What'd you get for me? I really like how this reverse sugar daddy thing is working out!

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Sandra: Like, all sorts of miniaturized stuff! Check it out check it out check it out!

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Phantom: Fridge... car... tvs... recliner.. excellent! Take it to the Rebigifier and embiggen it right away!

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Phantom: And what about you, Diane? How was your haul? You're going to have to work extra hard to best Sandra!

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That cunt Diane thinks she can show me up, wearing my same exact dress just in BLUE!

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Let's get to work. I'm so hungry I could almost eat a WHOLE salad

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Appliances, you get back to full size.

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And green car with green interior and seats only person, you're back to normal, too!

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This is the best plan ever! No one would suspect a supercriminal stealing cars and kitchen and household wares! It just never happens!

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WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS THING! I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING! TURNING IT OFF AND ON! RESTARTING IT! CHECKING THE CORDS AND WIRING! CHANGING THE BATTERIES! SYSTEM RESTORE! I'VE EVEN TRIED BURYING IT IN RICE! NOTHING!

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I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. YOU GET A SPANKING

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Hey! It's working! There's a signal! We're back in business!

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Feels soooo good to put the mask back on

>>89482828
Thanks Op

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Everyone's reported in except Marie! That 98 pound cow isn't back, probably gorging on all the butter, cake and chips she can get her sausage fingers on.

>>89485037
You're welcome! Hope you enjoy.

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If she fails, I'll fire her! Not because she's fat, but because she's useless, but mostly because she's fat.

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Marie: Boss, I'm back.

Phantom: Oh that thundering leading up to the front door was you. Could hear that a half mile away. Anyways! Whale! Status of the doll house?

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Benet has sent it to the Daily Bugle, sir.

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Excellent. All is according to plan. Next! Marie! Send for a doctor! I don't know what's going on with my hands, but I'm scared.

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Will a surgeon or general practitioner do or is there a special word for hand doctor? I'll figure it out.

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Donated for the Daily Bugle toy drive from Benet's . Huh. Guess the little poor kids will have to pretend they have dolls when they get this empty dollhouse.

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MISS BRANT! You were right! The sun is shining and the sky is blue outside! I've been cooped in here for so long...

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Next time you go out and check things could you please not lock me in the office?

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Jameson: MISS BRANT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

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It's a dollhouse! It's a miniatured toy setting for children without imagination to play with their dolls, but that's not important right now.

It's from that toy drive.

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WELL GET WHATEVER THAT IS OFF YOUR DESK AND BACK TO WORK. I LEAVE FOR 5 MINUTES AND THIS WORKPLACE GOES TO HELL

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MISS BRANT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS. IF I WANTED TO PLAY WITH TOYS I'D ROLEPLAY BUCCANEER BATMAN JOINING THE GI JOES TO SAVE BARBIE HELD CAPTIVE BY THE FOOT CLAN AND THEIR BOSS, MEGATRON.

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?

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Your toy drive, remember? The one you planned, had me write up and distribute fliers for? That one? It's a great success beyond everyone's wildest dreams.

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WELL I'M GOING TO GO SLAM THE DOOR AND CHECK TO SEE IF THE GRASS IS IN FACT GREEN AND WHEN I RETURN THERE BETTER NOT BE ANY SUCCESS IN MY OFFICE

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Jeez. Some men can't handle the pressure of success

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Spider-man: The Spider plot-device leading me here? Huh. That doll house does look familiar...

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The stuff that got stolen is in there and it's shrunk? FUCK ME IF THIS TURNS OUT TO BE AN ANT MAN THING I SWEAR...

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LATER THAT NIGHT

Phantom: I KNEW IT WAS AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE

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Aren't you a bit old for toys?

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Spider-man! The label says ages 3 and up!

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Why bother bringing the flashlight the light switch is right here

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Look! A laser pointer! Doesn't it make you want to chase after it?

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Damn! Those things ARE dangerous!

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Sooner or later I'll get you and cause or fix any cataracts!

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Noooo! No please!

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Phantom: Stand still damn you!

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Did you know I'm part Belmont? Most don't.

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No! My laser pointer!

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Now you can't distract me or any cats ever again!

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Oh but there's a surprise in here where was it...

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Here it is! My transdipulator!

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Phantom: Filing cabinet! Run Spider-man down single file!

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Oh no. Betty's not going to like someone messing up her system

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I'm crazy! Who knows what I'm going to transdipulate next! How about that thing!

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Phantom: Here Spider-man! Have a seat!

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Whooooooosh

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Spider-man: FUCK!

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Phantom: And this picture! Come to your master's aid!

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That's odd. There's this sudden urge to fire people, drink absurd quantities of coffee, smoke cigars and make unrealistic demands of underpaid employees.

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Haw haw! You're the picture of defeat!

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Phantom: and now for the "Ninja gas in a can™. Never leave home without it, escape any situation no problemo.

(Does not work in windy situations, escape results not typical)

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Is it going to look weird if anyone sees me passed out spooning this picture of JJJ? That gas smells KINDA like perfume

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HEHEHEHEHEHE I have the doll house HEHEHEHEHE

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There he goes literally prancing off into the night

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He left with the bugged doll house! Everything is going all according to Spider-Keikaku

(note: Keikaku is Japanese for plan)

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Where'd he go? A man with legs that chunky can't go for long

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hehehehehe awww he's following me. This looks like a job! For Sandra!

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I think he spotted me spotting him! Better let stay back and see what he has keikakued for me

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Phantom: SANDRA! SANDRA!

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Phantom: SANDRA! LET ME IN I FORGOT MY KEYS! SANDRA CAN YOU HEAR ME?

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Phantom: SANDRA! ALSO GET RID OF THAT SPIDER-MAN!

Sandra: He won't know what'll hit him. Revenge is a dish best served with a tennis racket!

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What as I doing again? Don't you hate when that happens? You walk some place and forget why you're there.

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pew pew

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Did something just fly past?

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SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE

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Help! There's some crazy lady shooting darts or bullets or pellets at me and apparently has infinite ammo no reloading!

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Maybe there's a better route than running in headfirst and getting shot.

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Spider-man's still following me. Hey Diane, you're up. Do whatever it takes to get Spider-man off my back. He must not reach the factory I repeat he must not reach the factory.

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Up above! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's the wrong franchise!

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A lady always comes prepared with her purse of wonders. I'll use this compact mirror to reflect the moon's rays to stop that icky creepy spiderguy!

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That's unusual. The web's on fire.

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WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME

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Even more puzzling is why they never expect Spidey to survive anything

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Phantom: Marie! Checking yourself out in the mirror ain't going to stop you from ballooning. The others have failed! Bring him to me but don't sit on him, I want him alive now!

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Spider-man. You come with me to someplace special.

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Let me guess? The all-you-can-eat buffet? I'm not hungry and it looks like you could afford to skip a few dozen meals.

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Marie: I have to take that kind of talk from the boss but not you!

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She just blasted that chimney! Huh. It was purely decorative.

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Marie: Now will you come with me?

Spider-man: I've done lots of things for women I regret. What's one more to the pile?

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Phantom: Marie! You actually caught him? You? Miss-it-took-me-30-minutes to run a mile? AND you fit through the doorway? You're full of surprises / Now! Let me explain my evil superplan! Women don't have an appreciation for the art of villainy

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You see, I steal a bunch of stuff, and then sell it at the flea market. 90% of the people who work there are supervillains you know, and sell it for a fraction of the retail cost but I keep all the profits! Impressed?!

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Phantom: Look at all the valuable crap for sale! Toasters! TVs! Chairs! Stools! Shelves! Desks! That stuff is worth a fortune!

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But wait! There's more! There's a bed! And others!

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And with that money I get from the sales I'll build an army of robots and take over all of Newark!

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First, check out my digits.

Second, you're never going to afford robots selling toy furniture. The demand isn't there!

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Phantom: Don't backsass me boy, I've got this all thought out 10 moves ahead. I'll show you.

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Phantom: First you put the "toy" sized items on the conveyor belt

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Spider-man: AND?

Phantom: Diane! Damnit! You were supposed to do the thing! You're making me look like a jackass here! Bitch, you need to show some initiative, you're not Marie!

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Don't compare me to that ... thing.

Aww yeah my favorite time of the week

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Phantom: There! see? They're not toys! They're real! Now they big and I can sell them for hundreds of dollars! I need, what, 200,000 bucks to make enough robots to take over a city? No one but me could think up a plan this genius and convoluted!

>>89487885
Kinda empty here tonight. Thanks for poppin' in

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Ok now REALLY check out my repeating digits.

And now that you've told me your plan I can say that I'm not impressed and it will never work.

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WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE? YOU DON'T HAVE ANY VISION! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO THINK BIG YOU SMALL-MINDED SIMPLETON!

I HAVE ROBOTS! ROBOTS! HOW MANY OTHER VILLAINS HAVE THAT! ALL MY WOMEN ARE ROBOTS except manatee marie who just follows the crowd because she has no self-esteem BUT THE REST ARE KILLER EFFICIENT FEMBOTS

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I know! I know just what to do with you! I'll shrink you down and direct a movie! "Honey! I shrunk the Spider-man!" It'll be a box office success and I don't have to sell anything to anyone for years to make my plans work!

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Phantom: Fembots! And yes, you too, Marie. Make him fun-size!

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IF WE DRESSED BETTER WE COULD BE THE POWERPUFF GIRLS

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But I don't wanna be in a movie with Rick Moranis!

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Spider-man: Dodging beams of light may look hard, but it's easier than it looks. Don't look directly at it!

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Ladies don't like to run anywhere unless there's shopping involved! I'll be safe at the other side of the room!

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Spider-man: Hand over the controls!

Phantom: No! It's the only way I can get women to do what I want!

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Maybe I'll tell them you insulted their shoes and dress combo! Or that you have chocolate and won't share!

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Spider-man: Or that you got webbed up because you can't think and fight at the same time.

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Spider-man: GIMME DAT

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Turning off women! It's what this webslinger does best!

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Phantom: You haven't beaten me yet! I'll give you a tonguelashing that'll scar you for life!

Spider-man: Sure dude. You keep telling yourself while I call the cops over

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Officer Ted: Hey there's a message!

Officer Craig: Read it out loud, faggot. Sound it out you autist dickface.

Officer Ted: This display b-b-brought

Officer Craig: Yeah that's right. Sound it out.

Officer Ted: Brought to you by your friendly Neighborhood Spider-man! I did it!

Officer Craig: Good. Now fuck off.

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Phantom: Girls, we're getting arrested, but we're going to look fabulous good for every step of the legal system! EXCEPT YOU MARIE


THE END

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And that's that for this week. Be back next week for more of this show and another long battle again capchas. Hope you guys enjoyed yourself and have a good weekend.

>>89488624
Good thread as always m8

>>89488643
Thank you. Anything you wanna voice, go for it.

>>89488700
Tomorrow for sure. Gotta sleep off all this gin

>>89488932
I'll look forward to it

>>89488942
This was a good episode.

Read it all in Imapersons voice.

>>89489035

Imapersons any good?

bump for oc

>>89490640
You tell me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hi-a93TgzBw

>>89494553
Little too much ear rape for my tastes but thanks for sharing

>>89482828
Woo saturday cartoons.

Also you can use desuarchive.org although sometimes it's a bit shitty with images

>>89496193
I'll take a look. Thanks

>>89483612
Jane Jetson?