You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half!

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And then he became bald and gay

>>89357112
What happened to his nose.

>>89357368
He grew into it

>>89357021
Sheesh. What fucking cocktease.

>>89359111
>when u gonna kiss some white boy but smell hot purple dink dick on his breath and bail out cub scout

>>89357021
Didn't the creator of Doug spend his entire life infatuated with a girl but did nothing? And decades later when they met up again she got breast implants and married some other guy?

>>89359201
yes
and she didn't tell him she was married so when he showed up with a half chub he got blue balls so bad he looked like mr dink for a month

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>>89357021
Have you ever loved someone, OP?

Have you ever allowed that love to seep through every fibre of your being? To spread like a virus through your whole body, inundating you with all these inescapable feelings that dominate your thoughts and your actions.

You try to fight it at first. Meekly, you try to fight it. You tell yourself that she's just another mirage. That sooner or later the idealised image you've conjured up of her will dissipate and you'll realise that what you had isn't real.

But it overpowers you. It bears down on you and before you even realise what's happening, your brain's in on it too. It's in cahoots with your scheming, treacherous heart. You see yourself with her and she's happy and you're complete. She reciprocates and you treat each other how you deserve to be treated.

So you give in to it. What the hell? What do you have to lose, right? What could you possibly stand to lose from taking this one chance? This one dive into uncertainty.

And then you do it and it all comes crashing down because you forgot the cardinal rule - the one true tenet of being a repulsive, saccharine piece of genetic garbage that deserves to be left at the wayside.

She never, ever, ever thinks of you as often as you think of her. She doesn't pine, or cherish or bleed for you. To her you're just another suitor: another lovelorn fool. But unlike the rest, you brought nothing to the table, so why would she ever pick you?

You're just another lemming following the others of a cliff that leads into the wretched abyss of your eternal solitude. You could have taken the long way down: the safe way down.

But you decided to take a chance. What did you have to lose?

Just another tattered fragment of the eviscerated tapestry of what was once your self worth. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

>>89359201
Yes. She married his childhood bully.

>>89359429
I don't think the childhood bully part was true, it was just some guy but somebody made a post about it being Roger and everyone just rolled with it because it was fucking hilarious.

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>>89359188
>>89359222
did somebody say steaming hot dink dingus?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vqri4Lvf-4s

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>>89359406
>Have you ever loved someone
No, and it actually troubles me that I am unable to form any lasting relationship -- even a friendly one -- with anybody and that I always end up hating everybody I meet. I've been thinking of getting a dog.

>>89359406
what is this spicy new pasta

>>89359526
Do it.

Dogs don't leave you, they just die.

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>>89359558
>not having two dogs aged 5 years apart so when dog #1 dies you promote dog #2 to #1 and get a puppy who becomes the new bottom bitch

>>89359582
Those are some primo dogonomics, anon. Way to diversify your portfolio.

>>89359406
Is this a pasta?

Either way, stop feeling bad for yourself and cherish the fact that at least, unlike others, you had the cojones to try, and have a story to show for it.

>>89359617
I wish it were pasta. Pasta is delicious and full of carbohydrates. This is melancholic and full of carbohy-hate.

>>89359406
I had it several times and nothing good came out of it. So i supress it whenever it reemerges. It hurts, but it is for my own good.

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>>89359429
So, Patty married Roger Klotz?

>>89359201
she didnt get implants, they just finally grew in. she's the kind of fantastic friend who talks about that kind of thing with you. We could all use more friends like that. Then we wouldn't misinterpret it so badly. but we don't. girls don't give us the time of day and never talk about theri bodies with us
>>89359582
works for cats too.

http://ew.com/article/2016/08/09/doug-patti-ending/

It’s my ten-year reunion, and I didn’t go. I was in New York working like crazy as a freelancer and just trying to make it there. And I got a phone call in New York and it’s Patti. The real Patti. And my heart’s beating fast. She’s like, ‘I was at the reunion! You weren’t!’ and I was like, ‘Yeah…sorry…I had to work.’ And she goes, ‘I found out you live in New York. Guess what—I do, too!’ And she told me where she lives. We lived across Central Park from each other. And she says, ‘Why don’t you come over for dinner?’

So now we’re in a Doug show. I’m like, what do I wear? What will she look like!? All that’s happening as I’m walking across Central Park to her apartment, just wondering and just hoping, all those things. I was, at the time, very available.

I get to the door, and you get buzzed up in New York, and so I walk up to the apartment and I hear the lock turn—it’s getting ready to happen—and she opens the door, and she’s perfect. Just perfect. She just looks spectacular and she’s so happy, and her arms fly up and we hug, and I’m just like [frightened guttural gasping noises]. She backs up and she goes ‘Look, Jimmy! Boobs! I got my boobs!’ [Laughs.] It sounds like I’m making this up, right? And I’m like, ‘Yeah… yeah, uh huh!’ ‘Yeah, they always used to call me Flatty Patti, but look!’ And she was just funny and fun and innocent, but it’s like Doug and Patti together again, ten years later, right?

So this is all wonderful, right? And then she wheels and goes, ‘Oh, Jimmy, I want you to meet my husband.’

And I don’t even remember the rest of the evening.

>>89362014
irl pattie had a cuckolding fetish
she basically brought jim their as a trophy to show her husband
"hey honey look, this is that asexual aspergur boy that i cock teased all the way from grade school to highschool and look, he's still in love with me and a total virgin! and he never even saw me with tits!"

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>>89359406
>Have you ever loved someone, OP?
Yes, sadly.

>She never, ever, ever thinks of you as often as you think of her.
Sometimes I wonder if she remembers me. I think about her daily.

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I've been looking for an animated episode of Nick Arcade with the original Nicktoons cast from the Nickelodeon cable launch. it was 1979, or close to it. Doug hadn't given birth to his younger sister Judy yet, but as we all know, he would within days of the episode. the games were green screen as was the style at the time. one was Sonic, that much I remember. there might have been a Resident Evil too, and of course Call of Duty.

Doug, as most celebrity guests were, was awful at the games. he constantly died and then would look at the camera and give a "Dear Journal" speech. somehow, he came in second to Ginger Foutley, which I was surprised to see considering she had killed herself a few years ago. beating a pregnant Doug was still an accomplishment, as Judy was also given a controller and their scores counted together.

since he lost, he was deleted from the show. as in, completely deleted. it was like when a film strip catches on fire. I was scared that he would be deleted from his own show as well, but luckily there were different animators and he did not disappear from Doug like he did Nick Arcade. it was quite haunting though, and I can still hear his screams when I close my eyes.

the animated Nick Arcades were hard to come by especially since most betamax players from that time were damaged in the nuclear war with the Soviet Union. still, I distinctly remember this episode and hope to see it again. I think Doug could have gotten more points in Sonic if he had used the spin dash.

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>>89359406
you hit home with this one anon.

I'm not even mad that Doug never banged Patti I'm mad with the fact that Roger never banged Judy

>>89359406
Never, of all the girls i meet on my live maybe one or two have tried to call my attention but i never really felt it. I guess i am broke