Alright /co/ Favorite Simpsons quote go!

>Gym? What's a gym?

I hate the sea and everything in it.

>>88968022
Woah, I'm seein' double! FOUR Krustys!

Super Nintendo Chalmers still gets me

>>88968022
English side ruined. Must use French instructions. Le Grill!? What the hell is that!

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>>88968045

Chu cain't protect her forever, chu stupid lady

Me fail English? That's unpossible.

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>>88968022
Truer every day.

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>>88968022
>Patty: Oh nothing, dear. I’m just trashing your father.
Lisa: Well, I wish that you wouldn’t. Because, aside from the fact that he has the same frailties as all human beings, he’s the only father I have. Therefore, he is my model of manhood, and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships. So I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a knock at me. And I am far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts.
Patty: Mm hm. Go watch your cartoon show, dear.

May I see it?

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Hello my name is mr burns

>>88968894
.....no

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQGwrK_yDEg

HEY! MR PRIME MINISTAH! ANDY!

>>88969092

PITT THE ELDER!

Homer Simpson: You used to be a boxer just like me?

Moe Szyslak: Yup. They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable. Then Kid Gruesome. And finally, Kid Moe.

>>88968022
>Hey there's a new mexico

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>>88969166
>Kid Moe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIFMX4B2PXo

Mr. Burns: To the plant! We'll take the spruce moose! Hop in!
Mr. Smithers:...But sir.
Mr.Burns: -pulls out a gun- I said...hop in....

Lenny: "Ah! My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!"

>>88968022
A la grande le puse cuca.

>>88969477

Kids, turn off the TV. I have some bad news about Lenny.

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>>88969598
Not Lenny!

Kent Brockman: Sir, why did you wait until the last minute to pay your taxes?

Otto: Taxes? Isn't this the line for Metallica?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpjX4q5ZWQc

>Oh crap!

"Pray for Mojo"

>>88968022
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jaAeTaG_ms

Homer? Who is Homer?

Homer: Marge?
Marge Simpson: Yes, Homie? *dododododododo*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlmfUXQkIgY

>Mr. Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed.
>Smithers: But sir, those aren't the
>Mr. Burns: Do as I say!

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Homer: This is my year, Marge! Everyone knows I'm what makes this
city great!
Marge: I don't know, there's a lot of buzz around Lenny.

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"Sir, that man ate all of our shrimp and two plastic lobsters!"

>>88968861
I too love it when Lisa acts nothing like an 8-year-old

>IT WAS BIG... HAIRY... AND PINK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWDLCTBwyn8

>fiddle de dee, that will require a tetanus shot

The alien has a sweet, heavenly voice. Like Urkel! And he appears every Friday night. Like Urkel!

or

Y'know what? I could call my ma while I'm up here. HEY MA! GET OF THE DANG ROOF

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"I CAN'T, IT'S A GEO"

>>88970852
Fuck every time he steps on the nail I cringe

A la grande le puse Cuca.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dbi3--k4SM

Is this a Jojo reference?

Milhouse: remember that time you kill my gold fish. then you tried to say I never had a gold fish. Well.. why did I have the bowl Bart? why did I have the bowl?

Homer: THAT MAN IS MY EXACT DOUBLE!!!
THAT DOG HAS A FLUFFY TAIL!!!

This is why I like /co/. This thread is actually people sharing quotes and, dare I say it, having genuine fun.

Dental plan! Lisa needs braces...
Dental plan! Lisa needs braces...
Dental plan! Lisa needs braces...

>This is a contest for CHILDREN
>Yeah and Homer kicked their asses!

>Well, crying isn’t gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back, or you can go out there and find your dog.

>>88968045
Oh! A gym!

>But look! I got some cool pogs: Alf pogs! Remember Alf? He’s bac in pog form!
the only reason I even remember this is my brother and me use to love pogs we had a huge collection that is sadly long gone now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ns9jAN-OudU&nohtml5=False

Beer: the solution to AND the cause of all of life's problems.

I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

>it's alright, that walrus will get them
>Sir that's the dad
>BUT HE'S EATING A SEAL!

How do you sleep at night?
On top of a pile of money with many beautiful women.

STUPID sexy Flanders!!

Hired Goons?

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MB: I suggest you leave immediately.

HS: Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you? Well go ahead! Do your worst!

MB: My worst, eh? Smithers. Release the robotic Richard Simmons...

>>88970687
wrong yellow character

My boys a box......my boys a box! DAMN YOU! A BOX!

>>88970511
"And what did you do after leaving The Flying Dutchman?"
"We went fishing."
"Does that sound like a man who's had ALL he can eat?"

>>88972891
Marge! I have terrible, horrible, BLOOD CURDLING NEWS!

>>88972942
Almost.
>And what did you do after you were ejected from the Frying Dutchman?
>Well, we mostly went straight home.
>Mrs. Simpson, need I remind you you ARE under oath.
>...We drove around, looking for another all you can eat seafood place.
>And when you didn't find one?
>*sobbing* We went fishing!

>>88969528
Eyyy

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>I, for one, welcome our new ______ overlords.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lcUHQYhPTE

Also
>Immediately having a graphic ready for just such an occasion
Springfield local news is on point.

>>88968321
>we will never hear Groundskeeper WiiU
i miss when things were reliably recognizable

Maybe too long to really be a quote but the time Skinner wants to make Billy and the Cloneasaurus and Apu just rants about how stupid it is.

Theres something odd about this place...something I can't quite put my finger on...

Wait a minute! This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit!

Enjoy your death trap, ladies!

>>88973515
"What was her problem?"

>>88968861
>lisa warns us that if we continue bashing men, something bad will happen
>nobody who didnt already agree was listening
>current lisa shows us the result of that

The entire "Homer thinks Burns is coming on to him" scene.

Hell, that whole episode.

ah, a fresh batch of America Balls

>>88973485
>WHAT WERE you THINKING!?
>...
>I mean thankyaow, comeagain

This one is notable for being from a recent episode.

>Marge! Don't worry, we've hired one of the four lawyers in town, the GOOD one this time!
Blue haired lawyer enters.
>Hello.

>>88973768

Oh, new jokes, eh?

Bart: Hey dad, how did you get mom to marry you?
Homer Take a look in the mirror, ya little unplanned miracle.

>After homer gets his heart ripped out by a Shaolin.

"I hope you washed your hands first."

Even modern Simpsons can have a good one, even if they are rarer.

>>88973847

>Only you can prevent this riot and save our beloved Communist dictatorship.
>You guys are Commies?!? Then why am I seeing rudimentary free markets?

three prawns are hardly a galaxy

>>88974011

>Tiananmen Square: On this spot in 1989...nothing happened.

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>I said: "hop in".

slow down, ye sidewalk-surfin cuuube-gleamers!

LORD PALMERSTON

The fall that failed to kill me SURELY killed the giant!
yes bart. that is how physics works. that's why squirrels can fall out of trees but you cant

And I learned an important lesson too: its okay to get drunk on Christmas, as long as you're at home.

>tfw your dad is an alcoholic in denial

nachos, flanders-style! that's cucumbers and cottage cheese

>>88971334
Damn, I almost had him eating dog food

>>88968022
quijibo
rubber buggy baby bumpers
dental plan
d'oh!
back away, not today disco laday

>>88974798

'Rats', not 'damn'.

>>88971275
>Beat their brains out.

>>88973063
IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME!

>Shoot the father!
>Thats not him, thats a whale.
>He just ate a seal!

>Swim for San Francisco!
>I'm not made of money! We'll swim for Oakland!

>Quickly my friends, come aboard! We, the French, also hate America! Come and join us in hating the country that saved us twice from ze Germans!

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Lunch lady doris ave eu got any grease

Yes, yes we do

THAN GREASE ME UP WOMAN

Okey Dokey

>Whats a battle?
>Did that boy just say 'whats a battle'?
>No, he said 'Whats that rattle', its the air conditioning.
>I heard 'battle'.
>Well I have a cold, so...
>Oh, so you hear 'b's as 'r's.
>...Yes.

>>88973847
>>88974011
>>88974228
Don't you even fucking dare bring that episode up.

>>88976798

Oh, lighten up. It was funny.

>>88974420
The best part of this is Burns cocking the gun.

>>88976798
Goo Goo Gai Pan? What's wrong with that episode.

>Homer dies
>Homer's ghost dies and he rises back up as a plain outline
"What the hell is THIS?"

Seriously when he's just an outline I fucking lost it.

>>88977138
Because you don't want to summon that guy.

>>88974485
PITT THE ELDER

>Hey! he lied to us though song, I hate it when people do that!

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>"Only who can prevent forest fires?"
> *clicks you*
>"You pressed 'you' referring to me. That is incorrect. The correct answer is 'you'

>That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls! Just like facts have no place within organised religion.

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"Oh dear God NO!"

>your ass is mine
>that's right. I think words I would never say.

>>88968355
god damn it

That is a rare photo of Sean Connery signed by Roger Moore

>Let me get this straight, you took all the money franchising your name and you bet it AGAINST the Harlem Globetrotters?
>Oh, I thought the Generals were due!
[Sweet Georgia Brown playing as three Generals watch a Globetrotter spin the ball]
>HE'S SPINNING THE BALL ON HIS FINGER! JUST TAKE IT! TAKE THE BALL!
[Globetrotter kicks it over his head and into the net]
>That game was fixed! They were using a freakin' ladder, for God's sake.

Russian Representative: The Soviet Union will be pleased to offer amnesty to your wayward vessel.

United States Representative: Soviet Union? I thought you guys broke up.

Russian Representative: Nyet! That's what we wanted you to think, hahahahahaha!


Zombie Lenin: Must. Crush. Capitalism.

>>88983415
My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star!

>>88979684
Great joke.

Whaddaya mean, you lost him? He might have fallen into one of these machines!

(Sees Bart's hat on a box)

Oh, my God, that's his lucky red hat. He's a box! My boy's a box! Damn you, a box!

>>88983415
This was a joke in the 90s but doesn't work that well anymore because it turned true.

>>88983511
>it turned true
The 80s called. It wants it's foreign policy back.

We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere, like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So, I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. "Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh yeah, the important thing was, that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.

>>88983536
I think you don't get my point.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=il8Q5ZoJELQ

Smithers: Uh, sir, we found the problem. Some idiot threw this(doughnut) in the reactor core.

Homer: Success!

Burns: You did this? How could you be so irresponsible?

Homer: l-It's my first day.

Burns: Since I've never seen you before, maybe it is your first day. Very well. Carry on.

Smithers: Uh, sir, that's Homer Simpson. And he's been working here for 10 years.

Burns: Oh, really! Why did you think you could lie to me?

Homer: It's my first day.

Burns: [Chuckling] Well, why didn't you sa- Oh, whoo! You're fired!

You have thirty minutes to move your car.

Homer: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.

Guy in the toilet: That's a right triangle, you idiot!

Homer: D'oh!

>>88983645
You have ten minutes

>>88977138
It was made around the time of the Beijing Olympics when Hollywood and the media were deep in the trend of relentlessly pandering to the "People's Republic." Needless to say it was pathetic.

>>88977239
I'm probably not the guy you're thinking of, but here I am anyway.

>shimatta-baka-ni

Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan.
>Wait, Homer, what did you just say?
I SAID SHUT YOUR UGLY FACE FLANDERS!

Good, cause I got a hot date tonight.
>BUZZ
A date.
>BUZZ
Dinner with friend.
>BUZZ
Dinner alone.
>BUZZ
Watching TV alone.
>BUZZ
ALL RIGHT! I'm gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog!
>BUZZ
...Sears catalog.
>*ding*
Now, would you unhook this already, please?! I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment!
>BUZZ

The knife goes in, the guts come out.

>You mean I have pneumonia?
Yes.
>Juvenile diabetes?
Yes.
>Hysterical PREGNANCY?!
Uh, a little bit, yes.

>>88968949
great one.

>>88983795
Dr.Hibbert: This man's appendix is about to burst. Luckily, I have my trusty pocketknife. *slices open* Stand back!

*explode*

Man: Thank you, Dr.Hibbert.

Dr. Hibbert: Don't thank me. Thank the knife.

>>88974420

Everything about this episode is great.

>Your manager said for you to shut up!
>FREE MASONS RUN THE COUNTRY
>But...but it's Homer's fault! I didn't lose. I never lose!
>I'm Idaho!
>Gamblor
>...because YOU have a gambling problem!

Moe: *Cocks Shotgun* Fun's over, fellas! If you're gonna beat up MY friend in MY bar it's a two-drink minimum!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQUKHujtPF4

Ned: Do you reject Satan and all of his empty promises?
Homer: NOOOO!!!!

> All right, this is dedicated to Bart Simpson, with the message, "I am coming to kill you slowly and painfully."
>AHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WIPE OUT

>>88974901
Discus stu brought ouzo for two-so.

So, you admit that you grabbed her can. What do you have to say in your defense?
...
Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further.
...
No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me! Get back! Get back! M-MR. SIMPSON NOOOOOOO

>I know where we might be able to find your missing moniker. It's a bit of a drive, but on the way we can have a nice father-son chat.
>Great! I'll go shoot myself for bringing this up!

>>88983695
Your car has been impounded

>>88984835
>Your manager said for you to shut up!
You forgot the follow up:
>VERA said that?

We'll get you a new dog, one with an untwistable stomach!

also this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhelrTuw9OI

and homer's brain "You can stay, but I'm leaving!"

>>88985878
In the german version it's "Kös", from "Köstlichkeit", which means delicacy. "Kös" as a word, however, makes no sense at all, which for me makes it funnier than "can".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vxQqdFOeoM

After having worked at Arby's this will never not be funny to me

>>88977138
/co/ has an autistic hatred of it for some reason, despite it being entirely inoffensive, having a couple good jokes, and there being far, far worse Simpson's episodes out there.

what the fuck is sup forums?

>>88976374
Doris Drau was a fucking treasure and it's a shame she passed away.

>I spent last night in a DITCH.

>Agency lady: And what are your reasons for wanting a little brother?
>Homer's brain: Don't say revenge, don't say revenge!
>Homer: Eh... revenge?
>Homer's brain: That's it, I'm gettin' outta here!
>brain walks down stairs and slams a door.
>lady ticks revenge off a list

>>88985986

Kös? or Kösm?

>>88985949

Your car has been crushed into a cube.

>>88986474
you have ten minutes to move your cube

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"Stop! Sto-o-o-o-p! He's already dead."

I'M
NOT
WEARING
A
TIE

AT
ALL

>Don't do what Donny Don't Does

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Say some gangsta is dissing your fly girl

>>88987156

*ring* *ring*

IT BEGINS

>>88968022
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qu6LMK9OT_Y

>I don't really have a family. All I had was a little brother who grew up to become a doctor. He used to laugh at the most inappropriate times.
>I've got an older brother that I'll never see. He's a jazz musician or some such. Oh, well. Bye-bye.

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>>88968784

/v/ and /vp/ in a nutshell.

>>88987575
Yyyyello, Mr. Burns' office?

>>88988751


Is it about my cube?

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Well whaddya mean I can't take off my sweater? I'M HOT!

>>88987476
YA JUST GIVE EM ONE OF THESE
[PUMPED UP KICKS REMIX EAR RAPE]

Maybe its the beer talking marge, but you've got a but that won't quit. they got those big chewy pretzels here thso..fjd....eid...five dollars?!?! get outta here...

It's from zombie simpsons, but I still like it.

angry bossy editor on phone:

>bring me photos of Spiderman!
>what do you mean this is a poetry journal?!
>well write me a poem about Spiderman!

THAT DOG HAS SOMEBODY'S HAM! THIS I GOTTA SEE!

>>88977138
Color Horses, New PPG nowthis. IS there something in /co/ that doesn't summon a super-autistic wacko hellbent in tracking every single thread regarding that topic and shitpost to hell and back?

I mean the ones that are not your regular anon.

>>88990072

>Thats it, you're fired! Whaddya mean you don't work for me? Ya want a job? You're hired! NOW you're fired! Now that you're fired we can be friends! How come you never visit me anymore? Some friend you are!

Now, a guitar has many, many nicknames. An ax. A gitbox. Well, I guess that's it.

Oh, twins.
Which one is the evil one?

>"I sleep in a race car, do you?"

>"I sleep in a big bed with my wife."

>>88993366
>88993366
>quadradubs

>>88970098
>THAT DOG HAS A POOFY TAIL!

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>>88993366
>quadradubs
Damn fool!

>It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography

>>88974498
wasn't it an explosion?

>>88993366
quadra daba dubs

>>88986422
Grant us eyes...

>>88970511
'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eatin' machine!

I noticed Maloy wore sneakers...

For SNEAKING!