WHAT THE FUCK?

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Dude

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NO FUCKING WAY

>>88876587
So Kratos was just Hercules except he went straight for revenge instead of twelve tasks?

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>>88876572
>21st-century Americans are surprised by children's stories containing horror

More, please. If there are any.

>>88876572
Dude children's stories used to be fucking hardcore, and myths even more so. I had a kid's book when I was a kid where the two protagonists end up being ground into flour and presumably baked into bread because they did too many pranks and misbehaved and that's what happens to disobedient children, they DIE HORRIBLY

Like in Cinderella, the stepsisters literally mutilate off parts of their feet in order to make them fit into the glass shoe, under the orders of their mother who hands them the knife. "You won't need to walk when you're queen!" In Snow White, the happy couple has the wicked queen dance at their wedding in special iron shoes that have been heated white hot till she falls over dead, nothing like torturing the bride's stepmom to death to liven up the wedding dance floor lol.

>>88876648
is wizard of oz really a hundred years old?

>>88876748
It was originally published in 1900, yes

>>88876748
>is wizard of oz really a hundred years old?
The book was first published in May of 1900.

>>88876587

Wait, how does that even make sense if Hercules dies because his wife puts a poisoned cloak on him?

>>88876748
Kids who grew up reading them fought in WWI.

>>88876810
Second wife.

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Hans Christian Andersen is too hardcore for American audiences.

>>88876748

It might not have been when you were a kid, but it is now. Also over 100 years old: World War I.

>>88876648
Most people giving fairy tales the Grimm Bros treatment are already aware of the Grimm Bros and are trying to return fairy tales to the roots.

>deserve stories written for them, instead of at them

Uncensored version then, like with everything. Scary things like Goosebumps are popular with kids and only offend adults who don't want kids to be exposed to that stuff.

>>88876841
Well. That escalated quickly.

>>88876812
Who the fuck lets kids fight in wars?!

>>88876879
Bitch should have told him why she wanted it.

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>>88876879
thou shalt not suffer a witch to live, anon.

Big-G said so, its right there in his book.

>>88876924
Before or after the bit about "Thou shall not kill"?

>>88876879
Don't fuck with soldiers Anon. Why do you think they had to come up with the Geneva convention in the first place?

>>88876879
Witches get Stitches.

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>The one where a little girl has hallucinations while dying of pneumonia
Fucking HCA, man.

>>88876882
Every single state in existence ever. Especially the losers.
Kids sneak in to fight as war was romanticized for the largest period of time and if you're losing you don't give much of a shit who fills the ranks so long as they're filled.

>>88876963
Witches didn't have their souls saved by Christ so they might as well not even be human.

>>88876882
If they were 3-4 when the book came out, they'd be perfect age to fight once the US entered the war.

>>88877042
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x22k1co_the-little-matchgirl-2006-hq_shortfilms

>>88876618
okay

this I did not know, I knew about the others though

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Aladdin is actually Chinese

Esmeralda gets raped by the soldier guy, she dies by hanging while Frollo laughs, Quasimodo carries her dead body away and stays with her till he dies of starvation

what else is there

>>88877341
The little mermaid turns to sea-foam.

Simba, who's based on Hamlet, should've died from being stabbed with poison.

>>88877403
well almost everyone knows about the mermaid being cucked so hard that she commits suicide

I guess people also know that Alice in wonderland is even more fucking trippy and sometimes even brutal

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>>88876587
Hera had a hard time getting a clue.

Although i'd be pretty pissed too if my husband kept turning into animals and fucking girls on the side. I don't know if the cheating or animal thing would be more worrying.

>>88877341
The original snow white was more brutal. The queen tried a few times to kill SW.

She visits the dwarfs' house and sells Snow White laces for a corset that she laces too tight in an attempt to asphyxiate the girl. When that fails, the Queen returns, as a different old woman, and tricks Snow White into using a poisoned comb. When the comb fails to kill Snow White, the Queen again visits Snow White, this time disguised as a farmer's wife, and gives Snow White a poisoned apple. Eventually, Snow White and the Prince from another kingdom reveal the Queen's true nature and invite her to their wedding, where she is forced to put on red-hot iron shoes and "dance" until she drops dead/

>>88877485
If you had a mans body and couple get a huge horse cock but the only downside is you have to be a horse while you have the mega dick would you do it? If youre a god and wanted the option to kill who youre fucking you better believe you do.

>>88877554
So Fidel Castor is IRL Snow White?

>>88876618

Pinocchio got mad when the cricket called him out for his idiocy and threw a hammer at him. The original ending for the book was that the Cat and Fox tried to murder him with knives (which broke against his wooden chest) and, failing that, hanged him instead. The story ended with his choking to death.

>a tempestuous northerly wind began to blow and roar angrily, and it beat the poor puppet from side to side, making him swing violently, like the clatter of a bell ringing for a wedding. And the swinging gave him atrocious spasms...His breath failed him and he could say no more. He shut his eyes, opened his mouth, stretched his legs, gave a long shudder, and hung stiff and insensible.

Wages of sin and all that.

There was a good enough reaction that Collodi wound up writing more installments.

Somehow I knew most of the original stories. I remember there being a book about original fairy tale stories (with pictures) for some reason. My mom probably didn't read it and didn't know

imagine my confusion reading these stories after watching the movies

>>88877554
oh yes, I remember that, the book had a picture of the iron hot shoes and the Queen "dancing". Thought the pictures weren't gory if I remember well, but it described the gory parts with words in detail

>>88876882
The Catholic Church

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Children's_Crusade

>>88876882
Literally everyone.

See here's the thing. Kids are only delicate flowers if you raise them to be. You don't have to hide the world from them, they've been getting along in it just fine for the last couple million years, so you don't need to wait for them to be "ready" before they see sex or violence. They were literally born ready.

>>888778887
Said the Pedophile.

>>88877765
Sometimes no matter what way you raise your kids they will react to situations/things differently.

>>88876963
Thanks for misquoting the Bible. The good book specifically says "thou shall not murder." This covers all acts of killing not otherwise justified in the Bible. Don't forget, God called for war and executions.

>>88878007
I have a hard time believing that jesus was preaching about the same god as the one in the old testament. His god was so much tamer and chill than the one ot was supposed to be.

>>88876841
[glass her]

eight legs, right?

>>88878043
You got me there. But that passage comes from the ten commandments, which is old testament.

>>88877146
It's ok to tear up right? Geez, how sad. Nice watch though

>>88876587

Kratos ?

>>88878043
God waged war on the enemies of Israel, his chosen nation.

Then, when the time was right, he sent Christ into the world, to fulfill the covenant for Israel.

Israel rejected God and killed him, as he knew they would.

So then God expanded his covenant to all who believe in Christ.

It's not really all that much of a stretch to connect the Old and New Testaments. Jesus himself is a frequent bridger of the gap, given how often he either quotes or fulfills Moses and the prophets.

>>88878043
Not really since Hell is mostly a NT thing.

>>88878043

Hey, when the world kills your son, it can really change a father. I'm thankful he didn't just wipe us out there and then.

Whether you think the bible is fiction or not, if I was god I would've gone plagues 2.0 on the planet at that point.

>>88878043
You're forgetting about Jesus actually being an incarnation of God. Jesus is literally OT god mellowing out and gaining more empathy from having to live as a human. Then he rejoins with the rest of himself.
In apocrypha stories, Jesus as a kid are just about what you'd expect from OT God running around with Jesus powers as a human child. He scares the crap out of dragons, creates random life for fun, starts up a street gang of kids that he demands worship him, smites some kid who refuses to, and so on.

>>88876572

The original Sleeping Beauty got the most fucked up story.

The Prince(King) fuck the Sleeping beauty everyday until she wakes up & having baby.

>>88876882
Look at any conflict hotspot in the world, and there will be reports of child soldiers-- a LOT of reports. Vietnam/Cambodia/Laos, the Middle East, every single African bush war ever, Bosnia, Colombia, Brazil, the list goes on... If an army is desperate enough, they will enlist whoever they can. And this has been going on since man could wage war. Sad but true.

YUP YUP YUP.

>>88878407

>no one will make this into a movie

feels bad

>>88876618
Yes, I remember this.

>>88878502

Zootopia welcomes you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqlaPttudUc

>>88876572
She is also friendzoned by the prince and her sisters trade their hair to the witch for a magical dagger that she must kill the prince with in order to survive, but she doesn't and ends up turning into sea foam in the end.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zvyt2fdWJAQ

>>88876810
Dude had at least three wives, probably four. I'm not sure if he married all those princesses he fucked in one night for a dare.

>>88876924
The original word used can also mean "poisoner" to be fair.

>>88877765
And the whole "raise them as delicate flowers" is what led to a pussified generation we see today. The nu-males and the tumblrinas. Jessi Slaughter and the other lolcows are merely symptoms of this upbringing.

>>88880716
this is fucked up as The Steadfast Tin Soldier.

>>88878043
He finally got laid.

Wasn't Pocahontas raped a lot in real life?

>>88881376
Yes. Men talked over her all the time and some of the women in London appropriated her style of dress without permission.

>>88881376
Nah. She used to do naked cartwheels in front of all the sailor men as a tween is all which is why she has her nickname of Pocahontas to begin with.
I'm fairly sure her relatives all got killed or died in slavery since her great grand niece died enslaved about... 15ish miles from where I'm typing.

>>88877554
in some version Snow White is also 8 best version

>>88877485
Gods in general are dicks in Greek myth. They also know better than to mess with anyone that can hit them back so they always punch down at those who can't hurt them.
Zeus cheating all the time was actually a result of each little region/area having their own legends about who zeus was banging. Once the areas has more communication between each other he basically became the grand slut he is known for being today. Most greek myths people know are actually Athenian myths so it would be safe for me to bet that's the main reason why Hera is known as his wife instead of any other random woman/god.

Why are /tv/ discussions about Disney never this interesting?

>>88877640
dumbest plan ever

>>88882157
>/tv/
>interesting discussions

Pick one.

>>88882157
Its because they are not literate.

>>88876810
>Wait, how does that even make sense if Hercules dies because his wife puts a poisoned cloak on him?

Dude had something like 30 wives and a dozen husbands. Look it up.

>>88880842
the thing is, some people are just born pussies no matter how you raise them

should we kill those?

>>88882157
/tv/ is the most normie board

I really dislike the category of OP's post. They look like the bullshit clickbait advertisments.

On a related note, I never liked frozen. I always wished it was like its original more, the Snow queen from HCA.

>>88882157
Most people that frequent that board are spastic.

>>88878284

Hell is in neither testament, it's a later invention that combined other beliefs into christianity.

the dark fiery pit of eternal torment is it's own thing, while hell as described in the bible is an emptiness devoid of god's love.

so we're all in hell right now.

>>88882530
They would have had Anna rescue Kristoff from Elsa with the power of innocent love andd perserverence despite the hardships. Anna and Kristoff would have been childhood lovers. She would have had to rescue him on an epic journey that contained all the elements of a magical fairy tale. It was already a version of a fairytale with the stronk woman character with a female rescuing the dane in distress that could have had maissive appeal to our modern values. That and Elsa would have been a true villan.

>TFW learning more about the bibble from /co/ than any preacher from my city
It's easier to because you guys don't make it out to be the "THE ONE AND ONLEH TROOTH HALLELUJAH"

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>>88882874
>"THE ONE AND ONLEH TROOTH HALLELUJAH"

>mfw my church believes in more than one entry of canonical scripture

/pol/ pls be gentle

>>88882790
Also this

The whole fire and brimstone thing was an injection of paganistic Greek and roman belief, among other indigenous sources. Hell was meant to simply be a place of "outer darkness" - a place where you have no one and nothing

>>88882874

you should go to /his/

it's one thing to learn funny little factoids like this, it's another to hear the actual theological arguments about what the Trinity, the original sin, the nature of faith and purpose, etc.

it's even more fun to watch Protestants and Catholics throw shit at eachother.

>>88876572
Is this a stupid Viral Marketer thread? Are you from College Humor?
Seriously fess up none of this seems legit OP.
No no I mean the facts are right. It's the fact that you posted them like this which straight up tells posters you're a shrill here.
>WHAT THE FUCK?
Either someones asking/paying you to be here are you're literally 12.

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>>88876618
Awesome, I wanted to talk about how fucked up the Pinocchio book is.
Like in this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qylPe-bZvg
Also anyone remember the off brand sequel?

>>88877485
The animal part was pretty much the norm so she wouldn't care that much about that. But she was extra offended by his infidelity not just because he was cheating but because she was the God of marriage. So his infidelity was not just an insult to her but her profession.

If we're still doing the Disneyfication bullshit

Pocahontas met John Smith when she was 13 .
There's no actual evidence of a romantic relationship between the two, in fact there's little evidence of ANY relationship between the two. John Smith is a known to "embellish" of the truth and the story in which she saves him has no real record of happening until years later when John gave a letter of recommendation on her behalf.

Pocahontas was also taken hostage by Englishmen years later for stolen goods. They were negotiating the return of stolen arms. When her father refused to give the guns back she converted to Christianity and changed her name to Rebecca.
She married John Rolfe when she was around 18 or so. Moved to England. Had two kids. Died of Small Pox.
>>88883016
I'm quite sure it's just sarcastic shit posting.

>>88883101
You forgot the worst part.
Pocahontas wasn't even her real name. It was a nickname her tribe used in front of the English out of a superstition about true-name magic.

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>>88876587
Yeah, the Greco-Roman version of Heracles is hardly up to the PG standards of Disney in the 90's.

In fact most of Greek Mythology isn't. I'm still waiting for the Disney version of Oedipus.

>>88877403

Actually no. She feels herself begin to turn into sea foam. Then she is rescued by the daughters of the air and becomes one of them.

>>88885073

That's something that really bothers me about people's understanding of the Little Mermaid story. Although she loved the prince, her main motivation was to earn a soul. Everyone forgets that.

If the prince falls in love with her she would earn one, but if he marries someone else she would turn into sea foam the next morning. The witch gives her an opportunity to save herself if she kills the prince, but she refuses and for that she is rewarded by becoming an air spirit.

>>88885296
Mermaids don't have souls?

>>88878208
how old are you?

>>88885401

Nope. Mermaids live a long time, but turn into sea foam when they die.

Aladdin is a Chinese Muslim who actually had two genies, one in a ring and the other in a lamp. Jasmin was actually married off for quite some time before Aladdin takes her back and the genie of the lamp grants unlimited wishes

>>88880581
It would be cool if this was actually in the movie.

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>>88885569

yeah, this wasn't sad enough.

>>88878840
>raping a sleeping princess
Pretty sure that shit's on pornhub.
Maybe not the princess part, but "stepdaughter/girlfriend/boss's wife" fills the gap.

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>>88877462

>I guess people also know that Alice in wonderland is even more fucking trippy and sometimes even brutal

No - Alice in Wonderland is probably the only case where the Disney movie is darker than the original books. Wonderland is supposed to look like sunny Oxfordshire countryside, not the whacked out Hot Topic tripfest the animators portrayed it as

>>88877462
Alice in Wonderland is just a nerd rant about Math translated into little girl.

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>>88877485
>>88876587

>>88885467
>Aladdin is a Chinese Muslim who actually had two genies, one in a ring and the other in a lamp.
When I found out about the lesser gin of the ring I was kinda miffed that it wasn't portrayed in the disney film; feel like it could've played a good part.

Didn't know he was a muslim, but knew he was chinese.

Wasn't "Jaffar" (or whatever his name was in the original) a black sorcerer from africa?

>>88876618
That ain't even the darkest thing in Pinnochio.
Also your reactions to all these sound like something from Imgur.

>>88886095
>That ain't even the darkest thing in Pinnochio.
I remember some horror film about a possessed or haunted puppet that pretended to be pinnoochio.

Yeah, pretty much horror-film worthy material in the source.

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>>88876841
He's so happy

>>88886149
You mean Pinnochio's Revenge.
Where a lil kid gets a Pinnochio puppet and tries to stop it from being an empathy free killer?

>>88886284
I saw it on cable years and years ago.
Don't remember much, cept that there was a little kid and the grandma tells him the real story of pinnnochio and it's freaky.

>>88877554
>Snow White and the Prince from another kingdom reveal the Queen's true nature and invite her to their wedding, where she is forced to put on red-hot iron shoes and "dance" until she drops dead/
Truly, they are the heroes of this story.

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>>88881429

>>88886333
Nah no grandma in Pinnochio's Revenge.

Maybe Silent Night Deadly Night 5: Don't Open Till Christmas?

Was Pinnochio a teen robot?

>>88877341
Another little tidbit I didn't know about until a thread here prompted me to look it up, Esmeralda isn't even a real Gypsy. (Sorry brown girl lovers) She was abducted by them as a child and believed to be eaten by them. As an adult her own mother curses her out over the incident not recognizing her for the very child she lost.

So is OP going to post the rest of those?

>>88885805
I think he means the original animated movie, not the tim burton one.

>>88887545
>gypsis kidnapping children
Why do they do that so often?

>>88877341
>Aladdin is actually Chinese
Back when "china" was referred to as an ambiguous region that was, "somewhere in the east"

>>88887655
They are reverse cuckoos.
Also, sex slaves for trading.

>>88876882
Germans during WWII

>>88884019
>Giving your name out
Anon you have a lot to learn about the power of a name, now GIVE ME YOURS

>>88887799
George Spelvin. What's yours?

>>88885401

her being a redhead in the movie was a reference to this

>>88877341
>Esmeralda gets raped by the soldier guy
She was actually going after Phoebus for the whole book. They were just about to have sex, but Frollo broke into the room, stabbed Phoebus, then ran away so that Esmeralda would be framed for the crime.
>>88887545
You forgot about the part where After her mother realizes her true identity, they have a tearful reunion just as the soldiers arrive to lead Esmeralda to her execution. The mother tries to stop them, but she get knocked aside by one of the soldiers, which causes her head to crack open as she hits the ground.

>>88887857
Think you're pretty clever don't you gypsie. Well I know better than to fall for your trick s now take your caravan else where.

>>88882822
Let it Go was meant to be a villain song, but they thought it was just so damn empowering.

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>>88888056

and now her fugly face is on fucking everything.

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>>88887629
I was talking about the original animated movie. It's stylistically very dark.

The most unsettling thing in the books is the Walrus and the Carpenter poem and Disney kept that, unedited, as well as adding in the crazy chase scene at the end and making the Queen of Hearts seem like a legitimate threat when the joke in the book is that she's all bluster and never actually beheads anyone.

>>88877403
>Simba, who's based on Hamlet, should've died from being stabbed with poison.

And if you're one of those people who believe Lion King ripped off Kimba The White Lion, it'd end with Simba sacrificing himself and Nala dying of disease

>>88887759
Also alleged to have done a brisk trade in the artificial manufacture of living human freaks.

>>88888934

too many coincidences, man.

they even said name kimba in of these private letters or something, and the animators worked with people who created kimba iirc.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fox_and_the_Hound_(novel)

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http://www.dorkly.com/post/79061/zootopia-was-originally-going-to-be-way-more-messed-up

>>88887916
>You forgot about the part where After her mother realizes her true identity, they have a tearful reunion just as the soldiers arrive to lead Esmeralda to her execution. The mother tries to stop them, but she get knocked aside by one of the soldiers, which causes her head to crack open as she hits the ground
Hard to believe this written by the guy who did Les Miserables

>>88882822
What I hate the most about the fact that it wasn't made for a long time (It was actually one of the first film Disney himself wanted to be made after the success of Snow White), and that it was completely changed when they finally did make a movie based on it, is that they didn't know how to make people relate to the snow queen.
You're not fucking meant to relate to the snow queen. She's meant to be a cold hearted bitch that kills you for no reason, and has no love to give, because she's the cold frigid winds of the north, that slowly drains the life from you. She's not a person.

>>88878407

dude, Hunchback of Notre Dame. In the original story everyone gets murdered or raped or both.

>>88890107

money, anon, money. this is all what disney cares about, no adaptation or moral lesson, we got our own lion king of the decade.

>>88885726

yeah but I mean with actual Hollywod production values or Disney animation.

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>>88876587
>>88876628

I prefer the one where Hercules is a Godzilla

>>88876882
Do you know ANYTHING about the world?

>>88878377
>Jesus is that one kid from the twilight zone

>>88876724
if you mean max und moritz no they don't get ground into flour, they fall into dough and get backed alive

>>88891037

red riding hood used to scare me the hell out of me, but i was like 4 the time. Simple warning about not going into woods alone or i'll get eaten by wolves.

>>88876618

>giggity

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So wait hold on.

Are you telling that for almost every Disney adapted story, there's always a darker original?

>>88891616
everything that isn't an original story, so 99% of all Disney animated movies

>>88884098
I want to fuck that Sphinx.

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best disney moive.

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>>88891748

>Never actually bothered to read the original Fox in the Hound plot until now.

Good god. Tod is beyond punished snake mod.

And I always knew it was too good to be true for Chief to survive that train in the Disney film.

>>88878840

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1588398/

>>88889764
Jesus.
That's some X-men tier shit

>>88877403
Not just Simba. Most of the cast should've died.

-Nala should've gone nuts and drowned herself
-Zazu is clearly Polonius. He'd get shanked
-Sarabi should've been poisoned
-No Laertes but Timon & Pumba are obviously Rosenkrantz & Guildenstern, who were hanged
(Simba should've been the one to kill Scar too )

>>88881659
Don't forget all the gods were banging each other, and they are all related.

>>88893113
>No Laertes

Now that I think about it, Shenzi probably comes closest. She and Simba would've killed each other.

>>88887857
>George's Pelvis
You're not fooling any of us name-wizards, anonymous

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>>88877765

The novel 101 Dalmatians is based on heavily implies that Cruella de Vil is a actual demon.

That's not even going into the batshit crazy sequel where Sirius the Dog Star gives all dogs the powers of levitation and telepathy, puts all other creatures into a deep sleep, and calls the dogs together for a congress over concerns that humans were going to destroy the planet in a nuclear holocaust (it WAS the Sixties, after all).

Disney, for whatever reason, decided to ditch this plot and made their own sequel where Patch meets Thunderbolt the TV dog

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>>88878377
>Muh trinity dogma
>the omniscient creator of all who knows everything about you down to the number of hairs on your head needing to experience the human condition first hand

next I suppose you will tell us that hell is real

>>88878377
>Jesus is literally OT god mellowing out and gaining more empathy from having to live as a human
Orthodoxy says God incarnated as a human to "show us how its done" by living a morally flawless life.

>>88876618
Doesn't Pinnochio endure the full donkey transformation and get skinned?

>>88877146
Great animation. Thanks. That made me feel better, too.

>>88893197
And Aphrodite was made of semen.

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>>88882157
/tv/ is not passionate about animation, you're at the wrong board dumbass
The only Disney related discussion allowed is marvel, star wars or live action

The last time i've been on a Disney tv thread, they were angry at the casting of Gaston and miscasting of Emma Watson

>>88878043
Having a kid mellowed God out, anon.

>>88895024
It is. It's /co/. Remember, you're here forever.

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>>88876648
/thread

Not everything needs to be pessimistic, cynical trite in some half-baked attempt to be "serious", "mature" or my favorite buzzword, "realistic". It doesn't always make the story better, and fuck anyone that believes otherwise.

>>88886088
the amount of illegitimate children Zeus had was ridiculous. No wonder Hera was basically trying to manipulate all the children, she was trying to clean up her husbands messes

>>88883069
Vividly....because of this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCLhGj-DQ_o
Skip to 1:45 for horror

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>>88876572
>>88876587
>>88876618
>CollegeHumor

>>88892980
>X-men

except it was nothing like x-men, preds were harmless yet persecuted.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3pF9owYlRI

you can see here how they got it all wrong.

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>>88889385
I don't doubt that Disney knew about it, hence why I mentioned it. Matthew Broderick even thought he was going to voice Kimba. NBC were the ones who were involved with the anime though.

Tezuka and Walt Disney were friends, but AFAIK all that came of it was a Bambi manga

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>>88876572
>>88876587
>>88876618
Go on....

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>>88900511
Disney has gotten to the point where they rip themselves off at this point. The little Mermaid, and Moana are basically the same fucking story.

Both wanted to go somewhere they weren't supposed to go because they are after something more than their home life has to offer. Father says no you can't go because it's not safe. They go on their quest anyways in hopes of getting what they were after while sing Disney songs, and as always accompanied by a cute side kick pet. In the end they are rewarded, and get what they were after while making their fathers eat humble pie.

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>>88900587
Also in the climax of both films they both battle larger than life sea monsters.

>>88878257

The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.

>>88878043
Someone posted on 4chan once and said that the Christian God was war deity repurposed from some older religion.

... I have no idea where this came from and they never responded. But it did make me think about old vs. New testament.

>>88900587

those were familiar waters for the directors.

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>>88891616
Since we've been talking about misconceptions, that card actually has one.

I learned the other day that axe behading in medieval Europe was not always with an axe stroke, but by pounding a type of axe with a flat back to it like a nail down as another attendant would hold the axe in position.

Also it was a big deal whether you were decpaitated with a sword or an axe since the sword was usually reserved for nobles or knights.

>>88900610

Not to mention giant Ursula was WAAAAY scarier and had actual set-up instead of being the obligatory final boss.

I swear Disney's newest villains have been totally bland pieces of shit lately. The only good recent one was Turbo and even he had nowhere near as much charm or pressence as Dr. Facilier. The giant crab was cool though even if all he was was just a disposable miniboss.

>>88900836

also swords were often blunt weapons.

>ITT facebook memes and the faggot plebs who accept them because they have no fucking taste.
Get the hell out of here.

>>88900937

giant crab wasnt even a villain. it was an obstacle.

right now they have this hardon for "plot twists", even in moana. at least in this casre they reversed it.

the bad guy was good guy all along!

>>88901003

Still a boring villain though. No more then just a personality-less final boss.

>>88900819
PUN ALERT

PUN ALERT

PUN ALERT

CODE:78 INITIATED

>>88901034

agreed. this movie was just so bland. from start to finish.
songs dont count, i want engaging story!

>>88889772
>Everyone is miserable
>Hard to believe it's written by the guy who wrote Les Miserables.
???

>>88888899
That was because the king pardoned them without her knowing.

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>>88901132

Just like Frozen. Though at least Frozen had some potential in it that was thrown out the window in the final act where it became an almost exact Beauty and The Beast rehash.

>MFW all the pandering we're getting to the overrated recent films being forced down out throats in Kingdom Hearts 3 while stuff the actual audience the series as aimed at like Great Mouse Detective and Treasure Planet are swept under a rug for not being popular enough with the children and tweens.

>>88886262
Well, he killed that witch good.

>>88900836
From Wolfsmund?

>>88891953
>Fox in the Hound
Nice Freudian slip, furfriend.

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>>88901310
>Great Mouse Detective and Treasure Planet

i need to watch GMD someday, TP was good but damn that annoying robot.

we live in times when people are trained to like popular things, openly and/or subconsiously.

sure you can be a patrician, but who cares?

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I should be blind for several years!

>>88902273

..context?

>>88876587
>Doesn't point out that the Greek version was named Heracles

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>>88886262
Reminds me of Christopher Robin

>>88876841
Hans Christian Andersen wrote melodramatic histories, that's to say, without deep psicological value, just edgy things.
The rest of the myths (Edipo, Jesus, Buda, the stories that Grimm Brothers collected, etc...) are the great ones.

Just remember that all the deaths in these histories aren't literal. All the deaths are symbols of some deep impulses, like carnal desires, anger, fear, etc... The literal stories are psicotic shit... or melodramas (tons of fun, but risky for those who can not understand the difference between reality and fiction).

>>88891616
>darker
Crude is a better word.

>>88885805
Alice is Wonderland isn't supposed to be trippy.
It's a whimsical commentary about British education.
It's quite literally Earthbound/Mother/Undertale of books.

>>88891953
>The vixen was there. She had dug up the bodies of the cubs and laid them out in a row. Their coats were damp where she had licked and licked, trying to restore them to life. Beside the biggest pup was a fresh-killed chicken she had gotten from the barnyard, hoping the odor of his favorite quarry might bring him back to consciousness. All night she worked over them, and it was not until morning and the blowflies came that she would admit the tragic truth. Even then, for days afterward she returned to the den, hoping upon hope that a miracle had happened and that the cubs would once again run out to greet her.

>>88877765
You are right about the delicate flowers thing, but also it is irresponsible to show kids everything that's going on in the world because it has no use. It's just like that South Park episode about Lord of the Rings and the porno... what the parents did at the end was sick as fuck.

>tfw you like the originals the best as a kid, even now
>tfw we will never return to those times
>tfw fairytales are over

>>88902932

read them to your children, tell them to read them to their children, make them remember adaptations are different than originals.

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>>88902954
but anon i dont want any children

>>88897013

A tanner buys Pinocchio and throws him into the ocean to drown. While Pinocchio is down there, fish eat the donkey skin off of him.

Lampwick isn't so lucky; Pinocchio gets a job from a farmer and finds out that he's replacing a donkey that's been worked to death. Lampwick tells Pinocchio who he is right before he dies.

>>88876748
116 years to be specific(117 in May)

>>88876882
the ones who really dont want to lose

>>88900836
Early axe beheadings did involve swinging the axe, but since most were straight-bladed instead of rounded, they would often take several swings to actually sever the head. Same with swords. Unless it was a curved blade, they'd rarely pass through the neck in one go.
Early guillotines suffered this issue, too. Before the slanted blade was added. Those early guillotines at least usually killed the person on the first drop, even if they didn't fully lop off the head. Usually.

>>88902538

Those stories and a poem called Vespers made life hell for Christopher Robin Milne. He was mocked constantly at school because of them and had to put up with obsessive fans his entire life.

>>88878043
The "God" Jesus talks about isn't an anthopomorfic being. What Jesus is talking about when he's talking abour God is about the perfect harmony in the universe, and how inside us, there's a kingdom who everyone must conquer through discovering who we are.

Again, nothing is literal.

>>88878315
This guy has an idea
>Whether you think the bible is fiction or not, if I was god I would've gone plagues 2.0 on the planet at that point.

He's right, the death of a son can produce that kind of anger in a father. Now, if you replace the symbols: What happens when you touch an electric wire? Electricity is the father, you are the one who killed his son (you did something anti-ethical, that's to say, touching the electric wire) and death is the result of this action.

>>88901465
Go watch it right the fuck now. You have no excuse to not watch Vincent Fucking Price be the rattiest literal rat imaginable.

>>88903105
You logic makes no sense. But the bible is just bad myths anyway.

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>>88903110
>rattiest literal rat
Oh dear, surely you've gotten your rodents confused, dear friend?

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>>88903134
Use Gyo to see the meaning behind the symbols.
And read Aeschylus and Sophocles to indentify what is a symbol in myths.
Bible is top thier, but very misunderstood because everyone takes it literally.

>>88903105
>He's right, the death of a son can produce that kind of anger in a father. Now, if you replace the symbols: What happens when you touch an electric wire? Electricity is the father, you are the one who killed his son (you did something anti-ethical, that's to say, touching the electric wire) and death is the result of this action.
You're pretty fucking stupid.
Original Sin was the one that brought death. Jesus' sacrifice was a New Covenant that absolved man from Original Sin and allowed Man to attain eternal life. In some form or another.
It's pretty fucking well explained in the fucking bible if you actually bothered to read the thing.

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>>88878082
I fucking love you for that one, anon.

>>88891616
well not all, some are mostly the same, like most of the American Tall Tales that Disney's adapted over the decades, like the version of John Henry they did back in 2000(which can be found on Netflix in that Disney Short Films collection, in fact it's the first one they show)

>>88903232
Ratigan is still best husbando.

>>88876572
Shop shilling your stinky content here, collegehumor. You haven't been relevant since 2009

>>88876572
>>88876587
>>88876618

wtf is this?? lol childhood ruined xdd how do I upvote

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>>88900952
>when they use half swording in something with medieval history

>>88902817
Alice in wonderland takes several points to make thinly veiled commentaries on modern mathematics.

~ In chapter 1, "Down the Rabbit-Hole", in the midst of shrinking, Alice waxes philosophical concerning what final size she will end up as, perhaps "going out altogether, like a candle"; this pondering reflects the concept of a limit.
~ In chapter 7, "A Mad Tea-Party", the March Hare, the Hatter, and the Dormouse give several examples in which the semantic value of a sentence A is not the same value of the converse of A (for example, "Why, you might just as well say that 'I see what I eat' is the same thing as 'I eat what I see'!"); in logic and mathematics, this is discussing an inverse relationship.
~ Also in chapter 7, Alice ponders what it means when changing seats around the circular table places them back at the beginning. This echoes a classic circular combinatorics problem, possibly dating from antiquity.
~ Again in chapter 7, Alice is asked whether she wants "more tea", and objects that she can't have more because she hasn't had any. The Hatter corrects her: "You mean you can't take less: it's very easy to take more than nothing." This is a play on the allowability of inference in comparatives without "than".
~ The Cheshire cat fades until it disappears entirely, leaving only its wide grin suspended in the air, leading Alice to marvel and note that she has seen a cat without a grin, but never a grin without a cat. This echoes ancient questions in logic about substances and predicates.

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>>88887904
underrated post

>>88876841
That was a nice fairy tail.

>You're a Thief. We execute you!
>Can i have a smoke first?
>Sure.
>Uses Tinder Box.
>Summons 3 giant dogs.
>SAVE ME FROM LAW!!!

>>88903039
Pinocchio sees him being worked to death and takes over the work to try and give him at least some rest but by then it's too late for him.

>>88905397
>>88903039
Almost forgot that he has time to make a monologue about how he wishes he had a loving family because it might have meant he have ended up a better person.

>>88889385
Even the voice actor for Simba thought it was Kimba from what I recall.

>>88899107
This.
Coffeetown was good though. It's nice seeing Glenn Howerton play someone other than Dennis Reynolds nowadays.

>>88880747
Hercules had 3 wives and fucked about 50 other women.

Just like daddy Zeus, except without quite as much infidelity.

>>88899946

Woah, that was dark.

>>88876587
And that's the gospel truth.

>>88905662
From what I read Hercules like him the D more than the V.

>>88905874
Bisexuality was kind of expected of Greek warriors back in the day so it's natural that Hercules swung both ways.

>>88900937
>disposable miniboss

He's a Giant Enemy Crab.

Maui should have hit Tamatoa's weak spot for MASSIVE DAMAGE.

>>88902348
original tale he goes blind and walks the desert for years

>>88876587
why do I have a thing for naked strong men covered in other people's blood

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>>88900937
>Turbo
You mentioning him has reminded me to post this.

>>88878043
God had sex with a girl. The creation of everything was just sexual frustration.

>>88902815
Fuck off, tumblr

>>88876587
Baby's First Greek Mythology.

>>88885420
Welcome to /co/? Enjoy

>>88902674
Anon, Anderson was for children.

>>88876572
> He didn't realise how much Disney family friendly's old gory stories.

When H.C. Andersen wrote 'The Princess and the Pea' (no deaths, no gore, no children suffering terrible fates) it was panned by critics for just being a little silly story and not preaching any morals.

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>>88900836
>>88903086
i love mini history lessons

>>88877042
I don't understand, when I was a kid the version where she dies was the one they told us... First time I saw a book with the alternate ending all I could think was "wtf is this bullshit"

>>88906895
Not really. Those histories don't have any relief for children. In fact, they cause more distress.

>>88903325
And what's behind the Original Sin?
The Original Sin is to take things literally. For example, trying to conquer the whole world instead of conquer the kingdom inside us.

>>88907882
like your mom's tits lmao

>>88900787
The Christian God, repurposed from the Jewish God, repurposed from some mountain men's god; yahweh.

>>88907882
Fear can be a great teacher. THe Germans know this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUOf_GRUVAE

>>88908206
To vanish the symptoms doesn't vanish the cause. That kid will replace the thumb thing with another thing.
We don't need that children histories cause that kind of fear because life is scary enough. Histories must inspire children to cross their fears.

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>>88876879
>not knowing this already
it baffles me everytime i see shit like this. makes me wonder what kind of life they lived to not have thought such things were possible. like those that are all "a mother would never hurt her children"
just.
wow

>>88902885
depends how you do it

>>88907841
wait wait wait, theres a different version?

>>88907882
stories are proportionate with how metal the public is at the time

>>88908800
>depends how you do it
That's true, but again, there are thing that kids are not supposed to worry about, like international wars, because they tend to think is their fault. IMO, the only thing we should teach to kids is that every actions has consequences.

>stories are proportionate with how metal the public is at the time
No. Stories are proportionate to the amplitude of the author's sight.

>>88909147
>like international wars
i get that. but every nit of info is important. dknt force the kid into 8 hour lectures but if they want tk learn about it let then and make sure theyre getting it from the right source

>No. Stories are proportionate to the amplitude of the author's sight.
ah, i mean classics. the ones that the public holds in their hearts and pass down

>>88909244
>getting it from the right source
I agree. That's the key.

>ah, i mean classics. the ones that the public holds in their hearts and pass down
Classics are classics because of the great amplitude the author had... the amplitude to be inteligent, compassive and creative.

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>>88909329
>all my typos
jesus i need sleep. thanks for overlooking them

and yeah i agree senpai youre right about that

>>88906217
Also Rapunzel would get pregnant after she banged Flynn in the tower.

>>88902348
He climbs her hair, it rips, he falls
into a rosebush at the base of the tower which blinds him (fuck).

Then he goes a wandering.

>>88891616
Mulan ended pretty well in the original, pretty much exactly the same except the last like 30 minutes never happened and everyone was just like "cool she's a girl"
There's an alternate version that makes it a lot darker for some reason, if you're looking for a darker ending

>>88910172
>>88906217
>>88909745

i'd rather take "dsney shrek without shrek" movie.

>>88876841
Never trust the big nosed people.

>>88876648
>for them

No, it's for cash. The Disney company isn't the good guy here.

>>88908800
>wait wait wait, theres a different version?
In some modern child books the girl doesn't die, she passes out but wakes up on a nice warm house, as she was rescued and adopted by a new family.

>>88903550
Last week or so we had the Adam is AIDS shitposters.

Are they bleeding viewers again?

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>>88907882
>mfw
It's because of people like you that Trump got elected.

>>88907914
Original Sin is the conceit made by mankind that they can change what is true.
Attempting to take the 'fruit of the knowledge of right and wrong' meant that they were ignoring the truth already known to them in exchange for a false one they thought would make them more powerful. When humanity attempted to ignore reality in exchange for the false freedom of a lie, they fell outside of the truth and was doomed to die because they didn't know what the truth was anymore- and the truth is the only immortal thing in the world.
Satan is the 'father of lies' for a reason.
Christ was meant to restore humanity by teaching them the true way- by being the true way- for humanity. Because he was God and theTruth, he had supreme insight into human behavior. Because he was a human, he was able to restore humans through him and provide a hard, literal example of how to live and understand the world.

>>88910578
>Jew in the Thorns movie never

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>>88911014

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>>88893113
>>88877403

Everyone knows The Lion King is based off Egyptian Mythology.

Simba is Horus, Scar is Set.

Who had SEX

>>88880842
>>88882388
>>88877765


Love when sociopaths try too hard to justify being inhuman abominations

>>88911592
shut the fuck up

>>88911592
>human abominations
Calm down, nigga.

>>88911592
please be bait

>>88911085
anon you should premise by specifying what christian denomination this stuff you're telling is canon to.
It certainly isn't for catholic orthodox chrristians

>>88911632
>>88911963
>>88911986
nice arguments

>>88912041
you are not entitled to a response

>>88912022
I'm not very good at explaining it and I wrote it specifically so that it would be more generic and less specific to a denomination, but I probably screwed it up by trying to make it nonspecific, so I'm just going to copy and paste the CCC for this.

III. ORIGINAL SIN

Freedom put to the test

396 God created man in his image and established him in his friendship. A spiritual creature, man can live this friendship only in free submission to God. The prohibition against eating "of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil" spells this out: "for in the day that you eat of it, you shall die."276 The "tree of the knowledge of good and evil"277 symbolically evokes the insurmountable limits that man, being a creature, must freely recognize and respect with trust. Man is dependent on his Creator, and subject to the laws of creation and to the moral norms that govern the use of freedom.

Man's first sin

397 Man, tempted by the devil, let his trust in his Creator die in his heart and, abusing his freedom, disobeyed God's command. This is what man's first sin consisted of.278 All subsequent sin would be disobedience toward God and lack of trust in his goodness.

398 In that sin man preferred himself to God and by that very act scorned him. He chose himself over and against God, against the requirements of his creaturely status and therefore against his own good. Constituted in a state of holiness, man was destined to be fully "divinized" by God in glory. Seduced by the devil, he wanted to "be like God", but "without God, before God, and not in accordance with God".279

399 Scripture portrays the tragic consequences of this first disobedience. Adam and Eve immediately lose the grace of original holiness.280 They become afraid of the God of whom they have conceived a distorted image - that of a God jealous of his prerogatives.

>>88877341
>tfw Hunchback had a better, more happy ending in the original

WOW!

Don't take religious advice from /co/. Most of the people get confused by DC or Marvel canon, so why would they be able to comprehend Bible canon? Go ask a professional instead if you want answers.

>>88912402
the thing is, that you tried to find sense in it by filling in the gaps with your own philosophy and your understanding of what must be worthy of such terrible consequences.
The text you posted is very clear. God gave an order to man, man disobeyed this order because he wanted to be above god, and thus shit happens.
Then god incarnates into a man, so that it's man that repents, and not just god that forgives willy nilly.

>>88911531
If Lion king is based off Hamlet, and Hamlet resembles Egyptian Mythology, does that mean Shakespeare was influenced by Egyptian Mythology?

>>88911531
WE WUZ LIONS AND SHIET

>>88911014
>kamala
it's people like you that made Hillary lose

>>88876572
So the prince friendzoned her in the book because she gave shitty head without a tongue?

>>88906302
#justspartanthings

>>88907110
This guy is great for that
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1DTYW241WD64ah5BFWn4JA

Not always history, but I like his style. And /co/ related since he (lazily) animates his videos.

>>88900787
Are you maybe thinking of Zoroastrianism? It was around before Judaism was big and some have suggested it influenced the Jewish people after Cyrus II of Persia emancipated the Jews.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyrus%27s_edict

Fun fact, Cyrus The Great is the only non-Jewish person in the Hebrew Bible to be called "A Messiah".

>>88906009
It varied depending on the culture of region. Spartans seemed to think that male on male love was infinetly superior to man on female love which to them was just to make babies. This attitude of distancing themselves from woman might be why Spartan women were some of the most liberal and independent women in ancient Greece.

>>88906854
I still say Christian mythology is some of the weirdest shit around. It basically advocates a ritualised cannibalizing of a Jewish zombie.

>>88908206
Germans are just very sober. Dryly so sometimes. They really despise fake gratitude (like Wal-Mart greeters) and artificial happiness (forcing you to celebrate when you're not in the mood). They lend themselves very well to engineering and sciences because of this kind of cynical attitude.

>>88916247
Yes yes, we've all seen the meme, now fuck off.

>>88912854
And even that is a trap in a sense because there's at least several accepted translations of the bible floating around in just English. There's so many nuances in Hebrew and Greek languages that you don't really get the meaning of when you translate to English.

Not to mention there is no original copy of any New Testament scriptures anywhere, so it's all based on just hoping that the guy who's version you had was accurate.

>>88916361
I would fuck off, but masturbation angers the Lord...

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>>88915868
Thank you for this.

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>>88900937
>nowhere near as much charm or pressence as Dr. Facilier.

Dr. Facilier was just black version of Jafar with half the balls.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtyDfiTSlKE

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At least post the rest of them OP

>>88919822
The fucked up thing is that the actual method of execution in real life was MORE gruesome than hot shoes.

>>88919896
I would actually watch Tarzan living among normal people, doing acrobatics in a suit and tie.

>>88919737
Who didn't know this?

>>88900787
It's a little more complex than that, but that's not an untrue statement.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlnnWbkMlbg

>>88919799
Left out the part that the sister who cuts off her toes bleeds to death.

>>88919939
what did they mean by this?

>>88920522
I'm going to guess it involves having sex with a comatose girl.

>>88876648
The part about Wizard of Oz being 100 years old is correct. The part about the fairies being frauds is wrong though. Oz was real, the fairies and witches and their magic was all real. Oz himself was just a normal dude who got stuck there and made the best of it. In the sequel books Dorothy eventually moved to Oz permanently with her Aunt and Uncle and got to be an immortal child princess forever having adventures with all her magical friends.

So the Oz stories are one of the few real "happily ever after" stories written for children before Disney ever did it. It's possible the Oz books even inspired Walt Disney, since he was born in 1901.

>>88920522
>>88920545
IIRC prince comes across still sleeping girl, fucks and impregnates her, and then the birthing pangs wake her up.

>>88919769
>killing yourself to not be a royal concubine

that's... dubious. Though it generally depended on the king "fulfilling" the mandate of heaven aka not being a piece of shit, royal concubines generally had a good life.

OH, Ijust read up on mulan, this version is an edited one. Way more popular, several centuries after the story was first concieved

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>>88919939
Fuuuu, I know what happens, and I do wanna see it. Your SJW tumber ass needs to stop talking for the rest of us!

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>>88883069
>>88898672
God I remember seeing the VHS cover at video rental stores so very often in the late 80s/eaerly 90s.
Better times.

>>88876724
Thanks Cracked!

>>88919904
tell me

>>88906302
because you have good taste

>>88921974
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brazen_bull

>>88910578
Now you're getting it.

>>88911014
Please don't post that blackwashed comic here you fucking bigot.

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>>88877403
>He doesn't know about Kimba the White Lion

>>88919513

At least he's a trillion years better than "Boring female Frollo rehash", "So-called evil prince who's obviously more in the right than the heroines", "Boring Syndrome who's only personality is 'mah daughter'", "Jew sheep", and "Lava Titan rip-off".

>>88877403
The Lion King and Hamlet only have similar plots, but they're thematically different.
The Lion King is a Melodrama with happy ending, and Hamlet is a Tragedy about an older generation corrupting the new one.

>>88921000
The curse was due to some cursed needle/thorn. The baby undid the curse when it was sucking on her finger and ended up removing it.

>>88919939
I get the impression that this was a variation of the story but not the original.

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>>88923622
>Liking a black knock off version of Jafar over based Jafar

Motherfucking Jafar who was at least in his late 50s when he chained up 15 year old Princess Jasmine, dressed her in a red sex slave outfit, (while forcing her own father to watch the physical abuse ) and made a wish to force Princess Jasmine to fall desperately in love with his dick.

As for that song Jafar gave one of the best Fuck You to the main male character songs of all time while feeling up his girl friend.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBXU8-P5EY4

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>>88926219
While at the same time having his evil side kick pet stuff salty crackers down her fathers throat

The man literally did nothing wrong. Dr. Facilier will never be on Jafars level.

>>88919822
that's actually hilarious.

>>88877765
This is the line of thinking my father's parents went with and he raised me by beating me whenever I made too much noise. I don't think you've actually been raised by parents who are interested in the discipline you're touting.

>>88877608
>knives don't work
>hanging him does though
Ok?

>>88921750
That's a pretty cool poster.

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>>88906302
Because you have good taste

by the sound of it, is pinocchio based on the 7 deadly sins?
(havent read the book yet)

gold tree-greed
funland-sloth
hammering cricket-wrath
stealing grapes-gluttony
dismissing each advice- pride
caring too much about being human- envy?
the puppet theatre-lust?

>>88910729
The two goals are not mutually exclusive, but I agree that is a very rosy view of Disney's motivation.

No Pocahontas one?

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>there is now whole generation of people who grew up watching sugar coated disney movies instead of reading books

>>88903264
Hinduism and myths make the Bible look like baby tier. Try reading the mahabharata sometime, it'll change the way you think

>>88906854
Nah, that would be Iliad or Odyssey. Those two are constantly taught in school.

>>88887545
reminder that frollo was 100% right

>>88877341
slightly incorrect. for one, phoebus didn't rape her, she was down with it

>>88876853
>Scary things like Goosebumps are popular with kids and only offend adults who don't want kids to be exposed to that stuff.
Goosebumps is scary? Parents hate Goosebumps? You sure you read the same series of books as I did? Goosebumps was just a goofy, fun read with twist endings that were vaguely dark.

>>88929778
unless you specifically look for that stuff it's hard to find unadultered original versions of fairy tales, most book have them tamer.
and what do you mean by growing up? would you let your kid read notre dame de paris?

>>88929778
More like 2-4 generations.

>>88876882
#Kony2017