Moana

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>>88730364
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C4%81ui_%28M%C4%81ori_mythology%29

WHY THE FUCK DID THEY HAVE TO GIVE HER THE EXACT SAME FACE AS MOANA???
COME THE FUCK ON DISNEY

>>88730424

disneyfaceTM anon.

enjoy your product that pretends to be a movie.

>>88730364
>In attempting to make mankind immortal by changing into a worm, entering her vagina and leaving by her mouth while she slept
How the fuck is that supposed to make mankind immortal? I've read some crazy shit, gods getting fucked by horses, having their heads split open and coming back a couple of days later A-OK, Crocodiles being scolded for eating a god and getting sentience from it but this? This plan makes no fucking sense.

>>88731019
I thought the same when I first read it as well

but if you think about it the vagina is the source of life so something something immortality makes sense .. right?

>>88731019
He thought that reversing the cycle of birth in the goddess of death would do it. Scores points for creativity, I guess.

>>88731705
gods get pregnant from bj's? no wonder they are so fucked up

>>88731826
Well if some of the old myths about Lilith are correct gods can birth entire litters from jizz heat alone.

>>88730364
Why did people make up these myths while treating them as things that actually happened?

Like when ye olde people were thinking up old testament depictions of angels and thought "Yeah, that should be a thing that exists".

I mean it still continues until the modern day, why should anyone have been conned into believing Scientology? A bad sci-fi writer makes an utterly nonsensical sci-fi-themed religious backstory, why did so many people line up to join his cult and engage in treasonous behavior against the government?

>>88732029
>Why did people make up these myths while treating them as things that actually happened?

What was the alternative? To this day there's thing science can't explain, imagine being a dude in ancient times and your alternatives are "science you don't understand because you can't even read", "god did it" or "_____".

>>88732029
I imagine a lot of fevered dreams and stories that snowballed out of control. Plus we know some oracles were tripping balls.

I came to /co/ looking for Moana threads and this is all there is?

Frozen threads lasted 3 years and barely 3 weeks after it's released Moana is ded?

>>88733494
Frozen threads were literally just incest shipping

See also: Loud House threads

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>>88733517

Disney blew its load prematurely with Zootopia.

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>>88733517
she's pretty cutie tho

>>88733530
yeah, but unlike tlhg, there's also no Moana threads in >>/trash/

>>88733583
Zootopia was alright, nothing amazing. if anything they set themselves up with lots of sequels or tv shows from that movie's world building

>>88730364
>the obsidian teeth in her vagina.

Because normal vagina dentata wasn't horrifying enough.

>>88733517
I do.

>ywn fuck a fluffy green nature goddess

why live

>>88733517
Speak for yourself.

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>>88730424
She's just a thiccer version of the Fantasia 2000 Sprite

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>>88735726
>ywn sail across an ocean and settle new lands
>ywn be the chieftain of your new tribe

it's an abstract feel

>>88730424
They found the face that sells.

They will never let it go.

>>88733517
There is more than 1 race of brown people, you master race wannabe.

man I liked this movie.

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>>88733796

>billion dollars

Why does all mythology always have creep sex stuff?

>>88741246
Because people back then werent hung up on your fragile sensibilities anon and just knew sex felt good, regardless of how it was obtained. So Zeus got laid in the form of a cow, stop the presses. Fucker still owned the sky and threw lightning at you

>>88741275
Tyrone please

>>88737624
>ywn fight a singing pimp crab who

>>88733494
Count your blessing Moana hasn't become cancer.

>>88730364
Wait... So Moana is Swamp Thing?

>>88741246
It was made to explain the world, not to be safe entertainment that parents could absent-mindedly feed to their kids.

It surely was entertaining, just not in a way that insulated kids from the real world where often sex, politics, and survival are all wrapped up in the same package.

Moana's animation really makes Frozen look like trash.

>>88732029
Oh man I can fucking smell the fedora

>>88741628
The hair and water alone kept me dazzled the whole movie.

>>88741521
Yeah, but who says "hey, maybe the world was masturbated into existence" or "what if God fucked cows?".
It just seems like lots of mythology was written by fanfic writers.

>>88733494
Moana wasn't that good. Frozen was terrible but had lots of incest shipping

did anyone else think the songs in the movie were off in some way, like they weren't as catchy as other disney movies

>>88741673
>who says "hey, maybe the world was masturbated into existence"
people who have figured out that semen is involved in creating a baby but havn't discovered ovum yet

>>88741673
>Trying to apply today's mentality to that of man thousands of years ago
Fucking idiot

>>88730364
>entering her vagina and leaving by her mouth
He was bad at anatomy. If only he had used the anus...

>>88741673
Imagine yourself in a world where there are only like 500 people who are going to care about whether you live or die. Everyone knows each other 1000x more intimately than a high school class does today. The kid who got caught masturbating in some girl's hair on a camping trip is the same person who knows best how to keep everyone's stick-houses from falling over, and if you start drama with him then everyone in your extended family might get killed in the next storm.

Living life raw as fuck like that means you don't have the luxury of keeping the coarse parts of humanity unmixed with the higher concepts that weave a story about the nature of existence itself.

>>88741687
You're Welcome was good.

Shiny is okay, but a lot of that is due to Jemain's Flight of the Conchords delivery making the making the lyrics seem funnier instead if just weird.

>>88741895
>The kid who got caught masturbating in some girl's hair on a camping trip is the same person who knows best how to keep everyone's stick-houses from falling over, and if you start drama with him then everyone in your extended family might get killed in the next storm.
So, you go ahead and make some shit up about how the GOD *cough*that is totally not Bongo*cough* masturbated to a beautiful gir's hair and thus condemned all of humanity by creating a monster that began devouring the earth, because, he was a freak. *cough*damnit Bongo*cough*

>>88730364
What culture's mythology should be the next one to get a movie of?
I'd say Irish, Cu Chulainn should get more publicity.

>>88741972
The hair in the story could transform into a storm that threatens to wreck the village every 10 years (fulfilling a need to explain actual local storm cycles), and so Bongo's descendants could be the protectors against the stormhair.

The story survives over time getting warped such that an eventual nation of 10,000+ people all put combs above their doors for good luck.

>>88742002
I want an Anansi movie with a sequence where Nyame takes Anansi through the skyvault that he keeps all the stories in and it's just this endless sea of shout outs to all the Disney movies.

>>88742002
CuCu is a bit too hardcore for Disney
>transforms into the lovechild of the hunchback of notra dam and ssj2 gohan whenever he loss his temper
>murders a pack of guard dogs with his bare hands
>gets trained by the shadowy queen how to throw a barbed murder spear with his foot
>she fucks him as a graduation present
>also fucks and impregnates her rival
>unknowingly oneshots this son years later
>an heroes by trying to solo an entire invading army

>>88742002
>Cu Chulainn
When I was a kid I had a book of mythologies and iirc one of them was all about this guy. He really reminded me of like an ancient Irish DBZ character.

>>88741904
You're welcome reminded me that there was a much better movie that happened before this movie.

>>88733494
Moana doesn't provide a whole lot of opportunity for sexualizing, which I found surprising since it's about polynesians in skimpy grass skirts.

Gotta hand it to the makers of Princess and the Frog to make yet another watered down Disney film.

I mean, not that it's a totally bad thing. It's a fine movie, just not suited for the obsessive deviants online.

>>88741246
Because sexuality has always been a core part of human existence.
Insecure prudes who want to pretend it doesn't exist and babies are delivered by storks are the abnormality.

>>88742272
Moana was too much of a tool (Is "tool" appropriate for girls?) She just does what she's told obediently and with as little personality as possible. Plank would have been a deeper character.

>>88741895
>>88741673
There's also the fact that social mores an concepts change. It might be less "we need to push the idea of community and accepting the creeps because otherwise we'll all fucking die" and more the fact in these cultures these concepts weren't so taboo that they couldn't use them in their myths and legends. They had a culture where the story tellers thought this weird shit was fitting actions of gods and legends. Why wouldn't Zeus turn into a golden shower to knock up a girl?Why not turn into a horse and fuck another horse to cheat a Dwarf out of his rightfully earned compensation? Why not cum on a leaf and trick your Evil Bro into eating it? You can see a much more muted instance of this in fiction from now vs just a few decades ago. What was cool or scary or even acceptable back then is completely different.So remove a couple centuries and it's the same deal.
The only reason it feels like fan fic is because their cultures were comfortable creating stories we deem so ridiculous or lewd that the only people you'd find willing to write like that are amateurs.
Also the whole the whole "acceptance" thing doesn't really mesh since a lot of the time they have myths that are basically "NO! ONLY GODS! YOU DO NOT FUCK THAT COW! ONLY GODS!"

>>88733796

The zootoia we got was decent, but I think original was a better movie.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tqlaPttudUc

It wasn't as marketable though. Money comes first, then art.

>>88742646
Original felt like someone was pushing their fetish way too hard.

>>88742646
To be fair that concept is really sad and all but it doesn't make a whole lot of sense and just kind of pushes an already muddled concept.

>>88741646
>Scientology is bad
>HURR DURR FEDORA!!!!

What's your problem?

>>88742731
More the complete ignorance while implying that all religion is a con.

>>88742731
>Scientology is bad
I have a problem respecting people that thinks the alien mothership would transcend them.

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>>88733517
No, they just want to fuck the other nigger.

And the crab.

Or maybe they just want to watch them fuck.

>>88730424
cheeks are more hollow, i think.

>>88742678
>>88742696

true, the whole collar thing was gay, watching such depressing movie would be quite a masochistic experience.

I was just starting to like Disney, who the hell works there if they come with such ideas?

>>88732029
Scientology is a money laundering scam that uses it's cult status to move drugs and sex slaves.

Christianity and Hinduism are systems of beliefs that most of the time advance Western Civilization. Problem with them is Christfags are moralfags who really like waiting until something is a maxim before playing it and Hinduism had the caste system that fucked everything because although every society has a class system, the caste system is fucking insane. Also they believed in crazy shit like angels because a lot of them were early scientists who had to speculate on shit like fossils and fever dreams along with the occasional visits from almighty beings

>>88732029
Elton John totally vomited out a stomachful of semen guise.

And Al Gore claimed to have invented the internet.

Remember Obama being born in Kenya?

>>88743667
gays

>>88732029
Realy not the board for this shit

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>/co/ doesnt like Moana because theres no couples to ship, and the grill is cute, but not that cute

>>88743912
Nothing happens for most of the movie, qnd most of the characters that aren't maui and the crab have zero personality. You can like it, but don't act like it's a flawless movie that people don't like because of nitpicks.

>>88742002
I'v been pretty fond of the Yuletide Lads for a while

>>88731019
Think about it: the vagina and mouth aren't connected, in order to enter from her vagina and exit from her mouth, he'd have to chop up her entrails, killing death and thus making everyone immortal.

>>88743938

>most of the characters that aren't maui and the crab have zero personality

Maui and Moana were basically the only characters in the movie though. Your mad they didnt spend 20more minutes on characters that wouldnt even be in 90% of the movie?

>>88730364
Maori Maui and Hawaiian Maui are two different guys btw.

>>88744006
OR you could just crawl up her urethra go through her bladder and kidney. But really the ancients probably assumed it was more like a point a point but situation. And to be fair why can't it be for gods? Zeus ate Metis which somehow lead to Athena birthing from his head...armored.

>Introduce pig character
>he's the MC pet so assume we're gonna get wacky animal sidekick hijinks
>he actual fucks off when the real plot kicks in
>get's replaced by a retarded chicken
>retarded chicken isn't even that bad and doesn't actually do any of the typical animal sidekick hijink shit like act like a dog

>>88731019
He was killing Death.

Something something reversal of birth.

Essentially, Maui knew he couldn't just outright beat down Death incarnate. He caught her sleeping and, for symbolic reasons, had to enter her vagina in some reversal of birth, then kill her from within and leave through her mouth. He says he's trying to kill her in the mythos.

In fact, the only reason he fails is because his friends are faggots like the autists here on 4chan and burst into hysterics when he's wrigglin' and jigglin' waist-deep in old deity pussy, and the goddess of Death wakes up and clamps her thighs shut, cutting him in half.

Why he invited them to come watch him slither up her vagina I don't know.

I like the movie and the music, but it suffers from windwaker syndrome.
The open sea leaves little for scenery, especially with no real sunrises or sunsets. Unless they're on and island or fighting the crab there is dick to look at other than the characters.
No one wants to see a movie that's 45% sailing.

>>88744071
Which is half the problem, moananana has zero personality. So, we're left with dwayne trying to carry the whole movie on his shoulders.

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>the "im not a princess!" part

I want to fuck that mountain.

>>88744170

>moananana has zero personality.

What do you consider "personality"?

>>88744135

He needed bros to cheer him on.

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>>88744103

But his role was so insignificant, acting like a retard nearly drowning three times, and then SUDDENLY he saved the gem from drowning in the ocean, while the ocean could easily give it back to vaiana.

>>88742002
Enuma elish

>>88744153
the ocean was pretty great for me, the new ocean graphics kept me interested even on open areas

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>>88732029
Anon, /co/ gets comfy late at night. Then you come along and sperg out and remind me I need to sleep.

>>88731019
I think it's "immortal" instead of the immortal.

Like the stuff bros and dudes do at kegger parties.
The story of humanity will forever persist through legends of doing absolutely wild yolo partytrick stunts brah.

>>88732029
Maybe they made funny fiction stories but the fanbases were really stupid.

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>>88744170

You mean she didn't have a quirk. Something kooky or weird that would make her stand out? Cause personality is totally that, right?

>>88742002
THE ANCIENT FINNISH KINGS BEFORE THEY FELL TO THE GREED AND VIOLENT WAYS OF THE SWEDE

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>>88742002
>Norse mythology
>Thor is the princess

>>88741904
You're welcome was amazing. The look on Moana's face going from seriously, get on my boat, we gotta save the world, to being swept up into the song was priceless.

I haven't checked 4chan for months due to real life stuff. Now I feel bad I missed all the discussion for this movie.

>>88733494
Isn't that a good thing?

>>88744814
This. I liked how the ocean looked so good. Isn't water so hard to look good on 3d?

>>88744170
I thought she had a personality.

>>88742105
>That one time Cucu got so mad he made a bathtub explode
>Twice

>>88730364
Now that's a True Hero's death, crushed by a gigantic vagina

>>88745237
>I do as i'm told
Is her only defining trait. She's a tool at best, completely worthless at her worst. She does all of one thing that only she coukd do through the movie, which is save maui from the crab, in every other scene, she's about as worthless as a puppet beong pushed around by the sea so the shiny stone ends in the right place.

When you can literally replace a character with a dummy, you know it's lacking.

>>88730424
It's not the same face.

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Honestly I think Moana might be the cutest, sexiest Disney girl. She only loses points because she has no lewd moments.

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>>88752734
>the cutest, sexiest Disney girl

Moana isn't even the cutest or sexiest Disney girl from this year.

>>88747270
>>88745237
a boring one

The coconut scene was pointless. Anybody else agree?

>>88754543
Which one? One of the coconut scenes was establishing that spooky not-aku was fucking the island up.

>>88754792
The coconut pirates, I mean.

>>88754914

The pirates would have made more sense if other badguys showed up as well to get the magic rock. Like they could only sense it once it was in open waters, so spooky monsters and demons from all over are attracted to it or something. I bet they had more stuff planned, but had to cut it short for the movie to not be 2.5-5 hours long.

It feels kind of rushed that they only get chased by the pirates, hit up the crab for the fishoook and then go straight to the final boss.

>>88742002

None

It'll just be bastardized modernized nonsense anyway.

>>88742646
The original concept was literally Fursecution: The Movie. One good emotional scene would not make up for ninety minutes of furry flagellation. The directors themselves said the whole original concept didn't work as a film and they were fucking right.