sea waifu

>>88714570
>Would /co/ fuck a

Yes! The answer is always yes! Why even waste time finishing the question?

>>88714570
>would a human [something]

The answer is always yes.

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Would you, OP? Well?

>>88714570
>Would a dolphin fuck me without my consent
ftfy. And yes, they're pretty much the Arabs of the sea.

>you will never fuck a dolphin irl

why live

>>88714625
Would a human cut off his own dick, microwave it, and shove it up his own ass, while watching nu Powerpuff Girls?

>>88714695
Yup. Will a human waste their life on a Taiwanese basketweaving image board talking about how their opinions on their niche hobby are superior to everyone else's opinions?

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>she will never jerk you off in the hot tub while other people sit unknowingly nearby

>>88714570
Silly anon, dolphins fuck you
>>88714691
Just go to one of those dolphin experience, its bound to happen you sicko

>>88714638
>LET PUT SOME LEGS ON THIS DOLPHIN BITCH BUT SHE HAS FINS FOR FEET
Sounds counter intuitive

>The female dolphin can be either masturbated or fucked, depending on your gender. Roll the dolphin gently to her side, belly towards you, and prop yourself on an elbow to stay face-to-face with her.

>Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, they have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.

>>88714762
More like sub-human.

>>88714798
If Diane wasn't a disgusting murderer would she have had puppies, and does "Asian" go across species, so could they have been chows?

>>88715128
>a disgusting murderer

Have you ever seen an actual child? Like, a real one, not an 2D loli. They're fucking hideous.

>>88715169
>Ugly = ok to kill
Check your ableism

>>88714691
I'm pretty sure that if you made it a life goal it's achievable.

>break into zoo and rape one
>become a zookeeper and seduce one
>get rich and buy one, keeping it alive in a shed-sized pool prison

Anyone else got some ideas?

>>88715169
I love kids, they're like little miracles.

>>88715169
Fuck off, autist. I'm not bringing a deformed human being into the world if I can help it. Might as well name it "Pity".

>>88715194
This was meant for you >>88715233

How does a human impregnate a dolphin?

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>>88714570
http://jezebel.com/a-chat-with-malcolm-brenner-man-famous-for-having-sex-1685059436

"It felt like I was making love with the ocean itself. It felt like, first of all, that I had forgiven myself—gotten over my hesitations about finally giving her what she wanted. When I had that realization, then it just seemed there was this energy surging between us, growing more intense, bringing us both to orgasm. Some scientists say that female animals don't have orgasms, but I know she did. She vocalized it."

>>88715413
my dick

>>88715499
my bunghole kek

I wonder what dolphin pussy feels like

>>88715336
With grit and determination.

Ask /sug/

>>88714638
If I had feet(?) like that that I'd kms

>>88715201
>Never had kids

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>>88714570
>sea waifu thread

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>>88714570
Naw nigga. That's just the tip of this iceberg.

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Why is she so perfect?

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Yes I would a dolphin

>>88714570
In real life?
No.
In internet fantasy land?
Still no.

>>88716260
Are you gay anon? You sound gay

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>>88715413
>Lewd ocean-dwelling mammals on my children's cartoon board

What the fuck is this thread...

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Aquatic waifus are usually top tier

Exhibit A >>88714638
Exhibit B>>88715610
Exhibit C >pic related

>>88716316
Dolphins have sex for pleasure and often present themselves to their human handlers in hopes of a good dicking

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>>88716658
>often present themselves
>often

Gonna need sauce on that, boss

>>88714570
Not that one. She's got a kid. Too much baggage.

>>88717094
There was one dolphin raised by humans that had to be jacked off on a regular basis. Wasn't a sexual thing though, at least not for the humans.

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Get dat fetus, kill dat fetus.

>>88717208

>not for the humans.

Sure thing...

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>>88714570
She's fifteen.

>>88717356
I see why you would see girls who are older than you as icky

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>>88714570
Who could ever love a sea creature?

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>>88714570
No but this guy would.

>>88714570
Yes, but not that anthro garbage.

>>88717456
I wanna FUCK that WEEABOO SHARK

>>88714570

I would legitimately fuck a dolphin... as long as I knew nobody would ever find out I did it.

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>>88714855

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>>88717456
what is happening here

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>>88717456

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>>88714570
i am more horse than man, so i can, and i will

>>88716454
undertale
>kys

>>88721596
Stop trying to be an even lamer Barneyfag.

>>88714570
Yes. Not that dolphin though. That dolphin's got clap.

>>88715196
Buy a boat, get a net, capture a she-dolphin, get it on the boat, rape it.
5 easy steps.

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Would you a The Cheat?

>>88714695
Do super duper sumos count as close enough? Because there are insane fuckers who have already done that.

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I want to go skinny dipping with her

Whats the porpoise of this thread?

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>>88714798
>It's a Borted

Gets me every time.

>>88714570
>a dolphin
Yes.
>that dolphin
No.

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>>88716217
That's not a dolphin, that's just a woman in an elaborate outfit.

>>88716454
Undyne is my favorite non sexual fish lady.

How to fuck a dolphin
Dolphins: FAQ on Mating
(Note : Unfortunately, as of 2005, this popular site seems to be gone forever.)

Yes, I am perfectly aware there are many kinds of sex fetishes out there. There are people who are aroused by feet, shoes, and even shoelaces. But dolphins ? Anyway, if you want to have sex with a dolphin (and who doesn't ?), this is the guide for you. Please note in passing that the image to the right was called "yum.jpg" on the web site (for some reason, now called "fun.jpg").

Here is how to proceed :


1. Where to find a dolphin ?

Aquariums and zooz are out of the question : too many witnesses. You are instead advised to try to find a beach where dolphins live. You also need luck :

Sometimes you just need to be in the right place at the right time. I have been extremely lucky on two occasions with wild dolphins, and my current mate is a dolphin who lives in the harbor of my resident city.

And if the Coast Guard comes by, you're on your own.

2. Pre-sex assessment of the situation

First, you need to figure out 1. the gender of the dolphin and 2. figure out if the dolphin is aroused.

To do the first, you need to look at their head (males have a fatter, rounder head), or on the dolphin's belly, between opposite the dorsal fin and the tail. The male has two larger slits, and the female has one large slit and two small mammary slits.

Figuring out whenever your prospective mate is aroused is also relatively straightforward. The male will sport a long erection that would make most men jealous ("anywhere between 10 to 14 inches long for a Bottle-nose", we are advised). The dolphin's penis is also prehensile and flexible, and you can wrap it around your arm. It is not mentioned if the dolphin likes to have his penis wrapped around some dink's arm. On the other hand, the female's genitals will become pink and swollen, and she may nuzzle against you.

Also, I still can't believe I am writing about having sex with dolphins. This is what being an Insolitologist is all about, folks.

Q3) What do I do if a dolphin wants to mate with me?

A3) Accept, if possible!

3. Having sex

A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length.

Due to the size of a dolphin's member, the best you can do with a male dolphin is to masturbate him. Missionary position or anal sex are both out of the question. Also, be careful : when those things shoot, they shoot. Remember what your mom told you about trains and get out of the way.

The female dolphin can be either masturbated or fucked, depending on your gender. Roll the dolphin gently to her side, belly towards you, and prop yourself on an elbow to stay face-to-face with her. At this point, my brain is already beginning to rebel against what I'm reading, so I'll let the author do the explaining for me :

Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, they have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.

One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a fin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you.

In conclusion, good luck, and if you have a baby with a dolphin, don't forget to tell someone other than the National Enquirer.

>>88716454
>>88725297

You're only here because you've been chased off /v/.

Trying to evangelize anything to people who aren't interested will only piss them off. It's not /co/. It's not even related to /co/. Get that shit out of here.

>>88714806
>Silly anon, dolphins fuck you
This.

>>88715128
She could have either labradors or asian humans I think. Maybe dogs would have different fur color than Mr Peanutbutter

>Would /co/ fuck..

/co/ would fuck anything that moves. I'm even sure /co/ would fuck something that didn't move till it does.

>>88725229
what is this and why do i want to stick my dik in her?

>>88719826
Anon, you´re gay.

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More /V/ than /co/ but I WANNA INK THEM SO BAD.

>>88714570
Yes but not vapid whore
I only partake in the purest of dolphin waifus

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>>88714570
of course

>>88715128
How the fuck does the bojack verse even work in that regard?
That one deer lady Bojack knew had a human kid as well as a deer kid and Diane got pregnant from mr peanutbutter so is it just random chance what species the kid is?
Can they be a mix of both parents species?

>>88726982
It seems to be just one or the other. Never a mix.

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O
R
C
A

>>88725386
>evangelize
you're thinking of /a/

>>88727048
>scarred titty blubber

unf

>>88727083
She's a big girl.

>>88716316
Fucking newfag

>>88714638
Kneeling on a block of ice sounds painful.

>>88717094

Bateson and Lowatt. It was an experiment done back in the 60's where they tried to raise dolphins in close proximity to humans. Basically, they took a half sunken house and had the people living in it regularly interact with the dolphins.

Oh, and the people and dolphins took LSD together.

The bonds got really strong. To the point where the dolphins were constantly following one of the female researchers around and poking her crotch with their noses, presenting their own genitalia, and trying to have sex with her.

There's also that shaved Orangutan some researchers found kept in a brothel in SE Asia. It had been fucked so much that even after they rescued her, she would still repeatedly bend over and present herself to men and masturbate while hooting at them.

And there are... videos of horses.

>>88716658
They also rape and steal shit sea googles

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>>88727544
>There's also that shaved Orangutan some researchers found kept in a brothel in SE Asia. It had been fucked so much that even after they rescued her, she would still repeatedly bend over and present herself to men and masturbate while hooting at them.
>And there are... videos of horses.

I'm not sure I needed to know that

>>88726934
Came here to post this.

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>>88714570
Why did she decide to keep it though?

>>88727544
Don't even want to think of the kind of people desperate enough to fuck a shaved orangutan.

>>88728901
Shaved Orangutan really sounds like a your mom joke.

>>88728901
Asians

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More of a shark person

>tfw no dolphin wife

>>88726353
Marie is the best sister, Callie can fuck off

>>88731542
>don't play Splatoon
>don't own a weeyoo
>don't know which is which
>still bought those amiibos

>>88731542
This is absolutely true but it hurts that Callie was on the right side of the Splatfests most of the time.

>>88732292
Marie won the only splatfest that mattered

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>>88714798
holy shit just saw that balloon for the first time

>>88729178
post more sharks plz

>>88716090
Are you kidding she's the kind of person you have to constantly repress your urge to smack. Riches and maybe sex are the only possible draws, I mean there have to be a million other dolphins in that world.

>>88727442
It's worth it so you can pour your orangina down your cold legs into his mouth via your feet.

>>88728952

It was real.

http://orangutan.or.id/ponys-new-life-2/

>Pony was confiscated by the Central Kalimantan Conservation and Natural Resources Authority (BKSDA), working together with the BOS Foundation and local security forces, from a prostitution house in Kareng Pangi village, Central Kalimantan, in 2003. She was only around 6 years old at the time of confiscation.

>Unthinkably, Pony was herself treated as a prostitute. Men could pay a certain amount of money to the house owner to have sex with her.

>No-one knew how long Pony had been there. The house owner strongly refused to give up Pony. To her, Pony was a cash machine and a source of luck. It was not an easy effort to release Pony from this dreadful place; anyone who tried to do so faced an army of local people who were armed with cleavers, ready to fight for the house owner.

They also probably went and got another orangutang when Pony was rescued.

>>88735564
>whoreangutang rescue cleaver fight
someone call hollywood

100% yes

>>88714695
Maybe, there was a guy who once cut his dick off out of boredom.

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>this thread
points to anons who get the filename

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>>88725229

>only in one episode

Why live

>>88736539
He probably would have been even more bored after.

>rubbery tits

why would you want this

>>88737305
I download that zip whenever I see it but I can never bring myself to actually keep in on my computer for more than an hour

>>88739435
l-link?

>>88727544
>>88727676
>and that kids is where Aids come from

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>>88716217

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>dolphins
>wanting a bottle-nosed water google
>not wanting a qt thicc cuddly sea waifu
Shit taste in aquatic mammals, senpai

>>88742190
seals are weird
>there are species of seals where the males are bigger than the females
>but at the same time there are other seal species where the females are bigger than the males

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My sea Waifu.

>>88721596
We're well past the popularity period, anon. You don't need to approval-hate it anymore.

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>>88742580
>>88742591
>tfw some random drawfag gave me a marina sketch

>>88735564
>it made so much money the owner wouldn't give her up
>Dudes were willing to die for this orangutan poon
dang, it must've been some great times for these dudes to fight for her and shit.

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>>88729178
>silly talking animal mascot person
>human hair

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>>88742190
>live in florida
>

>>88714570
>>>/sug/

>>88742190
Morbi please go home, you're drunk

I've heard from a friend that dolphin vaginas have penis-massaging muscles in them.

And magic hormone juice lube that preserves your boner and lets you cum again and again and again and again...

If dolphin doesn't want sex it can swim away at speed of 20mph.

It could also just kill you, sharks have no chance against an angry dolphin and you most definitely ain't worth shit when stuck in the water.

It can also clamp on and rip your penis off at any time with its vagina muscles, which is what happened to that one dumbfuck anon that got his glans torn off after reading a one dolphin fapfic too many.

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>>88742306
>capable of being both shortstacks and giantesses
I can see why Morbi likes them so much

Seals are wholesome and pure tho. They are cute and round and do marriage and procreation only. They have no interest in humans and they are PURE! Go away perverts, keep away from the seals.

>>88744767
>It can also clamp on and rip your penis off at any time with its vagina muscles, which is what happened to that one dumbfuck anon that got his glans torn off after reading a one dolphin fapfic too many.

Nice urban legend there faggot

>>88744827
The anon was never found so the story could never be verified but they can do that tho.

>>88744824
You're right anon. Seals aren't for lewd, they're for chaste monogamous relationships and flipper-holding.

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>>88744892

>>88744886
>they can do it but the only proof that exists is some unverified story

You'll forgive me if I don't believe you my dude

>>88744907
They do have strong muscle control. There are stories floating around of aquarium workers that get in with dolphins having their feet grabbed by a dolphin's vagina and pulled around because the dolphins thinks it's fun. The male's dicks are prehensile and can pick up stuff too. The vaginas also have to be water tight to prevent issues when swimming and rapidly going up and down in depths. Whether the story is true or not is still up in the air, but it sounds believable enough with their abilities.

>>88744955
There are also stories of the Amazonian river dolphins and how some tribals and fishermen capture them and then rape them.

...And part of the rape is draining the dolphin's blood out because they do clamp on and they do not let go until the blood loss makes the dolphin too weak to hold on.

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>>88714570

Why do you know all these things 4chan?

>>88715336
>>88715572
Walk up to it and give it a firm handshake.

>>88728901
How about your dad?

>>88746184
someone beat you to it senpai
>>88728952

>>88745167
Why wouldn't we know this shit
It's important information

>this thread
it's hip to fuck sharks, orcas and dolphins!

>>88746307
/co/ - come for the comics and cartoons, stay for the animal genitalia facts

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>>88746348
/tg/ says Hi.
dont even ask me what i had to search for to get this screen cap.

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>>88714570

ALRIGHT! Someone has to have that one dolphin picture.

You know the one...

POST IT!

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>>88746587
there's this one orca vore greentext that i'd been trying to find for ages
it used this gif

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>>88747045
gotcha covered

>>88714638

Orangina really went all out on those furry characters, huh?

>>88747060
>wasn't on a business day
well thank the gods for that.

>>88733215
My heart.

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>>88731542
>liking Marie more than Callie.

>>88744049
>>88744773
Who's Morbi?

>>88744824
>No interest in humans
Wrong
https://youtu.be/TMV7H5N5F-s

>>88748558
Creator of the webcomic Poppy O'Possum and unabashed weirdo. One of his characters is a selkie.

>>88746403
Personally I like the vaginal spider capacity screencap

>>88714570
No. And I'm sure I'd be called a speciesist bigot for my human-only sexual preferences in the world of Bojack Horseman.

>>88748754
Well no DIRTYLEWD interest in humans.

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>>88748898
the what now

Hey
Kid

...You been doing your kegels?

Don't you want to be a fucking dolphin?
You lil'shit...

>>88746973
That goddamn show and its strangely attractive animal girls, i don't even like hair on dolphins.

>>88748754
>Bark
What did the seal mean by this?

>>88749274
Go ask /tg/ you fucking newfag

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>>88718412
This

>>88748754
>ANY video featuring seals OR sealions
>obosma bin laden joke

BRRAP BRRAP
PEW PEW

>>88742190
as science progresses we will likely decipher dolphin language, or at least be able to teach them a language we can decipher (for example morse code). Which will allow dolphins to pass the harkness test. I doubt seals will ever be able to pass the harkness test without human intervention in the way of genetic engineering or cybernetic modifications.

Gee /co/ you sure do know a lot about COMICS.

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Do your fuccken' kegels kid.

I'm watching you.

>>88754846
Damn straight sonny.

>>88715128
>disgusting murderer

fuck off back to /pol/

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>>88715196
Be a scientist and they'll make a goddamn documentary about it.

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>>88714855

>>88735564
>"It was not an easy effort to release Pony from this dreadful place; anyone who tried to do so faced an army of local people who were armed with cleavers, ready to fight for the house owner."
>The rest of the article is about the slut orangutan's rehabilitation instead of delving deeper into the pits of madness in Central Kalimantan

This is why I fucking hate animal rights fags.

>>88715413
This is cringe in the hottest way possible.

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>>88754619
The harkness test is a bit vague, but the "or possibly pedophilia" line suggests that they expect "human intelligence" to mean adult human intelligence. We've already taught at least one parrot how to understand and speak English, but he had the emotional development and intelligence of a 3 year old. Dolphins are probably similar.

>>88754752
was waiting for someone to post her

>>88755343
ok

>>88744824
https://a.pomf.cat/mqjafx.webm

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YES!

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>>88745574
>ywn get a stronk bid tiddied shark gf

>>88755510
"Gronk!" sounds like a "yes!" to me.

>>88756206
What the fuck am I watching here

>>88756706
A large seal raping a penguin.

>>88747227
What's wrong with having good taste?

>>88755510
>Half of dolphin language is devoted to variations of "fuck me NOW!"
>Constantly have to tell them you can't, because the law and their emotional age and junk
>Get raped
>Can't rape the willing
>Get arrested anyway for enjoying it
The future is a dark place.

Dolphins are known to practice their version of "bestiality" with tons of other species of animals.
Everything they live with they will fuck.

>>88756936
Fun fact: actual dolphin language mostly consists of nouns which are literally 3 dimensional sonographical representations of various objects transmitted as a sound and can be deciphered by computers, they use body language to communicate wants and needs.

>>88758005
Really? I thought that was some bullshit that animorphs made up

>>88758005
>Dolphin language mostly consists of nouns
>Dolphin literally spends the entire time going PENIS PENIS PENIS VAGINA PENIS VAGINA VAGINA PENIS

>this thread

>>88714855
Scauce?

>>88758055
PENISINVAGINA PENIS PENIS VAGINA PENISINVAGINA

>>88758055
>mostly consists of nouns
>mostly

So they can say a few verbs then?

>>88758172
>>88758055
Hey, it's 4chan.
They speak 4chan.

>>88727544
Oh mr hands.

>>88716454
Mettaton was the superior waifu

I'm suprised there isn't a beastiality porntube.

Not that I've looked.

>>88758888
Bonus points for being the boss who wants to murder you the least.

>>88759375
And also the boss the least apologetic about trying to murder a fucking child for incredibly petty and selfish reasons.

>>88744418
>a friend
Is there anything else you'd like to tell us?

>>88714570
I have a problem.
I sea waifu, I eat it.
Bad joke I know, but I couldn't resist.

>>88761077
abort that joke like a fetus anon
Pew pew

>>88759418
Hey, ratings should be a lot less terrible of a reason from the player's perspective than the eradication of the player's entire species.

>>88759284
go away.

>>88762337
that thing about her being a mermaid.

>>88759284
but anon, there is

>>88759284
Dosent seem like you looked hard enough

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YALL

>>88765979
>female sharks are much bigger than the males in all thew species
>the largest a male great white will get is 15 feet while it's the females that grow to 20 or more feet

>>88731542
>callie = tits
>marie = ass
i prefer callie over marie thank you very much.

Why is /co/ such a degenerate board?

There's nothing you weirdos wouldn't fuck.

>>88766903
A cactus?

>>88766903
>Why is 4chan such a degenerate site?
>There's nothing you weirdos wouldn't fuck.
fixed your post

>>88766903
Compared to /d/, /co/ is pretty vanilla in their smut you faggot

>>88766956
You should really just say /aco/ now since /d/ was killed by the mods and /aco/ is it's replacement. Threads on /d/ now last a week or more because of how dead and slow it is.

>>88765979
What comic is that?

>>88714570
>237 posts
>no Skinny Gina

>>88714762
>implying taste is all relative
Some things objectively have greater artistic merit than others. You can not like the Mona Lisa, but to call it a bad painting you have to have brain damage.

>>88746403
You say /tg/ but we both know he comes here mostly for the /mlp/.

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>>88714570
...........yes

>>88767054
Apparently it's Monstress.

>>88714695
Nobody watches nu Powerpuff you stupid fuck.

>>88754998
Sorry Shlomo, you can repeat it a thousand times, but it's still not cool or brave to murder babies.

>>88768734
I guess it's a good thing that aborted zygotes aren't actually babies, then. They're just clumps of cells you're projecting life onto for some reason.

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>>88766920

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>>88714570

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>>88745100
>>88745110
>>88745121
>>88745132
>>88745141
>>88745152
>>88745551
>>88745569
>>88745574
>>88745588
>>88747060
>>88755083
>>88754941

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>>88768757

>>88755510
dolphins, whales, and the great apes are demonstrably more intelligent than parrots. easily the closest to us on the planet. The question is how large the gap between us is.

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>>88766903
>>88766920
Fool

>>88718412
I was wondering how long until someone posts Jotaro.

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>>88742190
This nigga knows.

Tightest box in the world. Water tight lol

save

>>88772995
file corrupt.

>>88745588
Will DC ever bring back Supe's literal mermaid waifu?

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>>88770811
come on now

>>88714570
I mean, they do milk you...

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>>88770811

>>88766127
Marie is both ass and tits, Callie is tentacles