Homestuck

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>>88622800
Do you believe that one day things will get better?

One day that is piece of fiction will have its life and integrity restored

Or is it doomed to forever tumbling down.

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We're going to probably have two more updates, but it's going to be some Christmas shit instead of 'plot'. I'd be more hype if it wasn't Cohen though, since it's destined to be shitty regardless; due to him trying to use Homestuck as a speaker to make Trump feel bad about alienating gays or some shit.

We're probably going to have a snapchat of Karkat, Dave, and Jade enjoying their homosexual christmas; only to find out that Jane is kidnapped. Then, Karkat and Dave will end up being the homosex on screen, making it so that the trolls are like "Oh ok maybe we trolls and humans can live together in harmony"; then they all have all the gay sexes because Cohen said so. Thus Karkat finally lives up to what he was told he would live up to as a Blood player by Echidna, and everyone is now homosex because its ok to be gay lets rejoice with the boys in the gay way.

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>>88623376
Except for John because John is literally trump and hates gays

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>>88623376

>>88622800
I haven't been reading the updates. John got the girl, r-right?

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>>88623917

>>88623917
haha. Nope.

John is a suicidal wreck who lives alone, isolated from everyone else now.

>>88623927
>no straight end game ships
THIS WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL HUSSIE

>>88623917
Nah, he took the ballsy route and killed off all the characters

Or at least they're dead to me :(

>>88623917
Here's a link to the snaps.

www.upd8.ninja/snaps/

>>88624226
www. doesn't work with that I guess.

Here you go : upd8.ninja/snaps/

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What do you guys think will happen in the next upd8?

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>>88623917
One possible girlfriend turned into a boring lesbian that fucks the world's least interesting vampire.

One possible girlfriend turned into a pedophile and fucks an underaged, asexual, skull monster.

One possible girlfriend got thrown into a black hole.

One possible girlfriend turned into a lesbian chasing the aforementioned girlfriend into said black hole.

>>88624377
Kwanzaa party.

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>>88624251
>>88624226
that's missing a lot of snaps.
there was a whole sequence of showing john's home during over the course of the years.

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>>88623023
Epilogue will be better. Not good. Just better.

>>88624550
That's in Credits, it's on MSPA.

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>>88624584
oh

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>select all images with pizza

Please don't telling me of how hungry I am

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>>88624590
THAT ISN'T HOW JANE TALKS YOU FUCKING IMBECILE.

>>88624634
>>88624590
wheres the joke, buckley

>>88624683
"struggle buggy" is kind of a funny name for something.

I guess.

>>88624634
Why the fuck is jack talking like spades

>>88624683
the joke is jane a shit

>>88624590
>>88624634

Oh my god they're going to plan on destroying the moon and jane is on it welp here we go.

So that's why the carapacians are planning on destroying it. Because that's where the rebel base was.

>>88624974
Oh hey, that's right. I honestly forgot about that. I guess that last Snapchat did serve a purpose. I mean, that purpose should have also been to tell jokes, but...

>>88624892
It seems like Dersites just talk like 20s gangsters.

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We're supposed to be worrying for Jane, because, as you may recall, carapacians are going to blow up the moon for no reason.
I think Hussie forgot to brief Cohen on god tiers.

>>88624991
I guess? Jack never seemed to talk like that before though.

>>88625024
Dont worry cohen wikid it.

Also jane is in a poly interspecies pedo lesbian relationship it would be a just death

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>>88624892
>>88625029
Silly anon! They're the same character because Ultimate Selves ;v)

>>88624990
I think what's going on is that the rebel troll faction ( or whoever wants this to happen) transportalized Jane to the moon, so that the Carapacians can kill Jane; instigating a war between the humans and the Carapacians. I say trolls because they're the only ones who would benefit from something like this.

>>88625052
No they werent

>>88625024
There's also the fact that she has a date to get her ass kicked by a small child that she needs to be alive for.

>>88625068
Watch as its the consorts trying to false flag the trolls.

>>88625068
I still think it's the Consorts, they like to draw shitty.

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>>88625072
Next thing you'll say is that post-Retcon characters are different from the ones we followed through the first Acts.

>>88625068
Also, some asspull is going to happen that we haven't seen yet, just so that they'll end up forcing her to make her death a just/heroic one just before the laser hits or some dumb shit. I swear if she jumps and takes the laser hit, that'll be one of the biggest asspulls ever; especially since the laser is supposed to fucking obliterate half of the moon. One girl isn't going to be able to take the brunt of that.

>>88625141
We know for immutable fact Jane does not die.

>>88624683
the joke is what this comic has fucking turned into

>>88625156
Well yeah, but this is Cohen we're talking about. There's going to be some dumb shit that's going to be pulled regardless if she perma-dies or dies and resurrects.

>>88623023
I'm making an MSPA-format (sans the "input" bullshit that stopped even being a thing near the end of Homestuck) this summer. I'm trying to reach Hussie's ability of simple art that doesn't look bad because of how well it handles negative space.

I can only hope that whatever good that came from this comic lives on through me. That's all that can be asked for at this point.

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> all 3 stories (about Jane, Carapacians and the Felt) revolve around the Moon
> Earth in the Universe C was taken there with no Moon and the Moon was shown to not be there many times through the comic

Sasuga Cohen

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>>88625242
I'm looking forward to this derivative piece of shit with long hiatuses.
Wait, no user input? Fuck that, I'm out. Maybe your mom will be interested in your 1000+ pages long fanfic.

>>88623991

Here's a thought I've been toying with lately.

Before the post-retcon end-game became obvious, Hussie started teasingly talking about "The Gay Singularity" which was coming. I think - THINK - that in his mind it was funny to make everyone gay. I think in his mind, it was such a ludicrous, outrageous idea that it was intended as a joke.

And I think Cohen missed the fact that it was meant to be absurd and is treating it as "a weapon" now because he's kind of obtuse and not very smart.

>>88625315
It's got absolutely no relation to MSPA other than the image/text/musical animation mixed-media format--that makes me happy.

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Russet from Wizardy Herbert was _gay_. Further evidence that Hussie sold out to Tumblr before Tumblr was even created?

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>>88625046
>Also jane is in a poly interspecies pedo lesbian relationship it would be a just death

Remember when the adult Meenah and the 13 year old Vriska were dating? And barely a word was ever said about this in canon aside from Meenah kind of mumbling a little bit about it at the end? Lesbian pedophelia is not considered a moral wrong within Homestuck canon.

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>>88625360
That's nice anon.
For your own sake I hope it's short and not overly ambitious.

>>88625443
How is it pedo if all three of them are the same age and 20/21 years old?

>>88623401
Johnald Trump!

>>88625480
Quite simple, just reformatting an animated movie idea I made in the summer of 2015. The whole thing is just for me to have something good when I apply for animation internships a year from now.

>>88625559
Calliope wasn't 16 when she was introduced, no matter what Cohen says.

>>88625559
Calliope was 11 years old when she was introduced, and so at this point is no older than 15.

>>88623023
That literally cannot possibly happen because so much ruin has already been wrought. It's too late. It's like if a cartoon TV series had an entire season of author rants and slideshows of him crossing out anything interesting from previous seasons and declaring them non-canon, which he then intersperses with major conclusion events so that they're not separable. No matter what you do after that, it's a series that contains that fucking season.

>>88625810
>>88625830
This reads like fanfiction instead of how Jane and Roxy actually talk. It's like a fifteen year old fangirl wrote this shit.

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>>88625810
JANE?

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>>88622800
I just want it all to end already. I thought I already got my fucking freedom from this shit a long time ago BUT IT JUST KEEPS UPDATING

>>88623023
Andrew checked out by I want to say mid 2012
Once the kickstarter obligations are sorted out he's probably going to go full Howard Hughes and I don't really blame him

>>88625883
That's her name, yes.

>no davekat

Toldya, it will never get confirmed

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>>88625989
There is no freedom. We're all breath players here now.

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>>88625989
Snaps are not Homestuck.
Credits were a good point to let go.

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I predict more gay shit because Korrasami was successful and Gay Tracer was successful so obviously making characters from our dead webcomic gay will be vault us back into the spotlight again

>>88625989
This is "official" "post-canon" content. So it's literally non-canon and not actually part of Homestuck. Like Paradox Space.

"So what's the point, I can get fanfiction anywhere," you might ask. Well

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>>88626261
So basically the webcomic creator version of this

>>88626351
Yes, exactly that.

>>88625883
You don't get to bring chums.

>>88625864
I've read fucking porn that less OOC, with less choppy prose as well.

>>88625029
Jack didn't really talk at all, that was mostly Spades Slick, although the narration for both of them is the same "she walked in and I could tell she was gonna be trouble with a capital L-E-G-S" detective-like speech

>>88626639
We've some good porn fic writers though

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>>88626699
Spades Slick never talked either. The only reason we think he talks like that is because we've seen narration from his point of view. We've seen narration from Bec Noir's point of view too, but it was pretty standard.

>>88626041
>implying

ALWAYS
BET
ON
SHIT

>>88627763
>crash
>I have to shitpost on snapchat first

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Say something nice about Aranea.

>>88627937
She's not as cute as her relative. But she is a cute.

>>88627937
she does a way better job than her decedent of hiding how much of a crazy bitch she is.

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>>88628036
ST8P SPAMMING KATNEP, YOU FUCKF8CE

>>88626041
Well yeah, Dave is knee deep in doggy poon

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Andrew Hussie is a self-loathing betacuck numale whose been emotionally castrated by Halftruth and literally castrated by IPGD. All of his friends and employees are SJWs who demonize men and it comes through in his writing of all male Homestuck characters been wimpy and emotionally broken and the female characters as strong independent women who don't need no man.

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>>88628282
>all male Homestuck characters been wimpy
>wimpy

>>88627937
She never had to see life after her timeline was annihilated

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mommy

>>88628822

is jane gonna fuck the felt

>>88628822
Why is she so friendly/unconcerned about the Felt when she fought them in Collide and should be freaking the fuck out on the subject of them suddenly showing up out of nowhere in the new universe...
What is going on...........

>>88628822
Thats it

This is what you kept people waiting for?

Jesus Christ the theories everyone had on these threads were better than this.

>>88628822
I can't believe she is going to fuck every single member of the Felt...

>>88628822
>the felt help jane because they remember how much caliborn wanted to fuck her

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>>88628983
It has become substantially more helpful to just pretend these are all just OCs.

>>88628794
Calliope for new felt leader. Make it happen you hacks.

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>lord english is a pimp
>condesce is his bottom bitch and acts like ghetto trash

what did Andrew mean by this?

>>88628689
>you will never find Karkat's secret stash of Condy porn

>>88629397
I imagine there was a lot of erotica written about the Empress, actually.
She was older than most of alternia as-is

>>88625141
I have not been paying enough attention, what laser?

there is like zero tension in this

cohen can't even establish tension for killing a character via lunar annihilation

everything is just too calm

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>>88629601
hey man. We live in a world where steven universe is considered good drama

You can't have high standards for all these writers based out of twitter and tumblr.

>>88629934
Jane using that necklace she was wearing to control jack the same way condy was controlling her

>>88629952
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FAAAAAAAAAAAACE

>>88629934
gonna need fanart of jack on his knees with a leash
gonna need that quick

>>88630014
Seconding this.

Why did Hussie literally pluck his successor off the street based on a single tweet, again

>>88628983
She wasn't there for the felt fight.

>>88629934

And thus ends the saga of Jack, not with a bang, but with a wet fart.

>>88630063
That's not what the MSPA Wiki says, and that's the main source of Cohen's research so he has no excuse.

>>88630067
More like a sad cum, if jane keeps domming him like this.

>>88630063
Yes she was? She rezd jake and then fought the felt for a bit

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>>88630063

>>88628794
Did Calliope always talk like this? Every sentence she's written in the snaps has been fucking painful.

>>88629934
Maybe its for the best slick died in collide. Imagine if cohen had made this happen to him

>>88630133
>>88628983
Okay, cool, so not only has the person making these not read the comic, but Hussie apparently has 0 input or doesn't care at all.

This really is fanfiction.

>>88630134

Yes, Anon. Calliope has always been an obnoxiously painful character, she's just obnoxiously painful in a different way, now.

If I recall correctly, the CrockerTier processing was an extremely unpleasant experience for Jane, wasn't it? Now she's... Doing it to other people because? Universe C makes you an idiot?

>>88630133
>>88630125
>>88630085
Oh tru forgot about the cookie thing

>>88630155
Seriously this is really bugging me.

>>88630180
>Doing it to other people because?
Jack is evil

>>88630298

jack never interacted with a member of the alpha session

also the thing about having protagonists in your story is that they tend to not do hilariously evil shit, even to the villains

it's like storytelling 101

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>>88629952
Are we seriously just getting dumped into a "Jane's evil" sub-plot out of fucking nowhere?

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Can someone with a tweeter please twit at Cohen that "Character Quirk =/ Character Voice", thank you.

>>88630343
She's not evil, she just doesn't realize that what she's doing is evil.

>>88628822
Need pics of Jane and the felts rule 34

>>88630343
>out of nowhere

>>88630351
Except that's true though, at least to some description. Maybe I'm remembering this super wrongly but I thought Eridan's quirk was described as representing his "wwavvy accent".

>>88630351
i hope cohen gets annoyed of calliopes quirk because so far all of her snapchats have been the most obnoxious things to read

>>88630351
karkat actually yells
eridan has an accent
tavros stutters
kanaya is a black twitter user

i think you need to rtfc, my man

>>88630389
They are all gay and not interested in her though.

>>88630395
>>88630428

Character voice means their persona, not the what they literally sound like, guys.

You're making the same mistake Cohen is.

>>88630425

>implying Cohen will remove the special snowflake alien who everyone loves based on shelby cragg

Why would Cohen do anything good for the comic?

>>88630393
There's a difference between the ground work being there, and actually leading into it.

Jane has never actually done anything evil while not being mind controlled, now she instantly goes from 0 to 60, mind slaves Jack, and proposes being taking the mantle of God heads in a fully formed society.

>>88630565
Why not just say persona then?

>>88630589
Because that's a different thing.

>>88630589

... Because using the correct terminology is good?

>>88630635
>>88630636
But then what does character voice mean?

>>88630664
Vernacular, tone, biases, etc.

All of things that denote the ways a character speaks and acts.

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The Felt are cute! Cute!!

>>88630790
So not a persona but everything that informs the persona.

Okay that makes sense but fuck this anon in particular. >>88630565

>>88625068
And then John steps up as skyfather and punishes fucking everyone for daring to challenge their pantheon right.

This just in: Jane continues to be an absolute unlovable cunt. God she's annoying in these updates. What a condescending dominatrix powertripping bitch.

I guess Cohen shares Hussie's femdom fetish then.

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This art style is NOT GOOD at doing low angle shots.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FAAAAAAACE?

>>88630922
Wow is this.

awful.

So Jane learned NOTHING from being her grandmother's slave, huh.

>>88630922
>telling jack to get in the oven

OY VEY

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>>88630960

This almost feels targeted at all the fans who said "Wait, Bec Noir got a pass? Where was the comeuppance, the climactic defeat for arguably the most menacing villain in Homestuck?"
"Haha, fuck you guys! He chumps like a bitch to Jane!"

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>>88630985

Homestuck will never be good, not even with santa's help

>>88630062

clownliker

>>88630960
>Hanukkah starts tomorrow

why does jane have a lego head

>>88631032
not anymore

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>>88630922
look at her neck

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>>88631017

>>88631056
>heil!

>>88631017
Got a good giggle.

>>88631017
That earns a latkek from me.

>>88631056
Cans, you big adorable bastard...

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>>88631082
>>88631056
2 ez

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>>88631056
Oh man, it's like they're asking for it.

>>88631129
Someone put these in the tumblr tags and see how many people go ape thinking they're real.

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>>88631017
>>88631129
Please keep going

Can we have a stream on christmas new year? Been a long time since we had one.

>>88631175
They basically are real. She's acting like the fucking Batterwitch, aka SEA HITLER.

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>>88631190

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>>88631129
I also did one.

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I found the single surviving page of Cohen's old webcomic.

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>>88631322
>super elaborate detailed art
>basic sloppy-ass font

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I found the single surviving page of Andrew's old webcomic.

>>88631322
Cohen made a webcomic? Was it any good? Judging by this page, probably not.

>>88631322

too exciting for him

>>88631497

The other parts needed some extra work

>>88631564
Hell if I know. This was the only thing I could find.

http://web.archive.org/web/20140715111452/http://reign-in-hell-comic.com/

It apparently put out six pages over two years then got yanked off the internet.

>>88622800
I don't have snapchat how do I read these

>>88631634
dang, it almost beats avas demon in how little it updates

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I am just here to tell you that Gambia is on the verge of being invaded by Senegal

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-38414790

>>88631774
With your eyes I believe.

>>88631831
screw you lad

>>88631774
There's a tumblr that compiles them, if you're the type of person that uses tumblr and would like content compiled there.

>>88631970
I'm not and I don't

what am I missing?

>>88632002
I don't know how else to help you man. I'm just gonna link the tumblr anyway. https://homestucksnaps.tumblr.com/

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>>88632088

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>>88632104

>>88632088
GG:
IN
THE
OVEN,
JEW

>>88623023
I left hope years ago

>>88632136
but she is in the oven. she put herself in it to survive

It just occurred to me that if Jane is actually getting killed off, this might just be some elaborate way of creating a Nannaquin 2.0.

That would be marginally interesting if it wasn't being handled in such a stupid way.

>>88632190
she isn't. she put herself in the indestructable oven

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>>88632088
ok, I didn't try with this at all.

>>88632238
They didn't show her getting inside before the moon got shot so it's entirely possible things are really stupid.

Is Jane going to reverse gas herself?
Get in the oven for safety and let the jews burn outside?

>>88632275
>>88632088
that's her taking a pic from inside the oven

>>88626699

>the narration for both of them is the same "she walked in and I could tell she was gonna be trouble with a capital L-E-G-S" detective-like speech

It's called noir.

You know, as in fucking Jack Noir?

>>88632476
Obviously all Jack Noirs would have the same tastes but this Jack Noir still never actually developed those tastes into a hobby and as far as I remember was never shown talking that way.

>>88632002
The Alpha kids.

Well Roxy and Jane doing stuff.

Rose is occasionally present being a very important lesbian in case you forgot just how fucking much she loves pussy.

>>88632505

There's no reason he wouldn't be talking that way, since he's literally named after that writing style you dunce.

The other characters are the ones you have to worry about, they're terribly written.

>>88632511
>Rose is occasionally present being a very important lesbian in case you forgot just how fucking much she loves pussy.
the land she never did the quest for was full of sky vaginas puking rainbows

>>88632541
>There's no reason he wouldn't be talking that way
Except for the fact that he didn't talk that way before.

>>88632605

You must be autistic.

Amazing how everything that could make these snapchat updates or the future epilogue interesting is just getting fucking dropped.
>Jane is kidnapped!
>Turns out she's perfectly fine
>Jack is back!
>Jane immediately made him her bitch
>The Felt is back!
>They're about to be annihilated by a giant laser

>>88632703
i mean that is late game homestuck standard.

>>88632659
Sure. That doesn't mean I'm wrong though. Unless Jack developed his new mannerisms out of nothing during the three years PM was chasing him, it still doesn't make sense. Yes it "can" be justified by "well he's a noir so all noirs talk like that" but then it becomes a question of "well why wasn't this noir talking like that before?"

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>>88632739

What does anyone hope to accomplish by "assassinating" a god tier?

>>88632766

1: He was talking somewhat like that before, until he got the ring and got drunk with power which warped his personality

2: He's now spent a long time with the Felt and had plenty of time to develop his gangster persona to be more in line with Slick.

3: It doesn't actually matter why he talks like that and his character was never really explored before. Most of what we know about him comes from Slick, and now he talks like Slick, which is completely okay.

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Alright guys lets have a discussion,

what would the Epilogue have to do to please you?

Retcon all of act 6?

Retcon the Retcon?

Get rid of all the trolls?

See Dave standing over Karkats grave?

>>88632953
> He's now spent a long time with the Felt
Based on what we've seen from the snaps, this is a Jack Noir immediately just having his arm cut off by PM. He didn't have years of offscreen development like everyone else. And if he did then why the fuck is his arm still a bleeding wound held together by dress fabric?

The first point I don't remember well-enough to argue against though. The third point seems dumb to me still because I hate the "all jacks are interchangeable" shit the comic is apparently rolling with.

>>88625315
>filename
Huh

>>88632994
Retcon the retcon.

I'd rather have a depressing "all your friends are dead, game over" ending than this shlock.

>>88629934
Sigh

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>>88632994

>>88632994
Just let the comic die already. There is no redemption. Just pull the plug.

>>88632994
John gets so depressed about his current situation he decides to go back and retcon the webcomic a second time to try and fix his own mistakes. Somehow this ends up making the comic actually good again.

>>88633110
This is the more realistic option.

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So the felt are kill now?

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>>88632130
at least we got some level of plot. i mean, the kidnapping thing was actually resolved.
even if it's shit.

>>88630014
he's on his knees?
jesus i was wondering what was up with his legs there.
that art is fucking horrible.

>>88631322
>>88631634
this is the first evidence i've seen that cohen actually ever wrote anything other than 'funny tweet' before being hired

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>>88633123
I Like the former but the latter more likely

>>88632994
Just do something fucking interesting.

Have the kids be gods shaping a new society and doing pantheon stuff.

Actually show some coherent appreciation for story structure-look at this first little storylet, >>88632703
summarizes the problem perfectly, all of the setup is resolved in the dullest way possible. Cohen is afraid to have Jane actually be in peril and is going to go nowhere with this hint of her going HIC, all the build up to a rescue mission is pointless, the carapaces blowing up the moon happens unopposed, Jack resurfaces as a threat and is instantly resolved.

Like what I'd want is Hussie to have had the guts to have the Retcon be the moment John finally gets some fucking agency instead of Terezi and Vriska hijacking the plot AGAIN, and what I'd actually want is Homestuck to be a story about 4-8 kids coming of age through a magical game that challenges them to face their flaws and fears but those ships have fucking sailed. But as far as the epilogue goes I'd just love for this new writer to not show even more narrative cowardice than the previous. Jane emulating her evil grandmom should be a big, scary character moment and its not being played off as such. It should be a bad thing, something that scares the other players and I doubt we'll even see their reactions.

A Homestuck sequel about a pantheon of eight teen gods putting a new world together could be really fucking cool. It really could. John's forever unresolved issues with power and leadership coming ahead as the presumed skyfather/head of the pantheon would be particularly poignant-this is a kid who only wants to be liked, and mythologically speaking has to play the guy with the ruler slapping everyone else into line for eternity because the girl he thought was his best friend picked him to help resurrect her cat. There's a lot of cool shit you can do with leftover, unresolved emotional shit from the game that Hussie never bothered to work with.

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>>88633267
This is all a great idea,
But Id put my money on this ending like a Avengers Civil War type story.

With Jane, Jake, and other shit characters fighting John, Rose, etc
I mean it will most likely be shit either way

>>88633555
Will nobody stop their reign of terror?

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>>88633626
Nobody wants to

>>88632953
>1: He was talking somewhat like that before, until he got the ring and got drunk with power which warped his personality
Uh, no?
http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=002856

he actually has his own style of narration independent of spades slick's

>>88632994
It just needs to be a satisfying conclusion. I came to terms with Homestuck not being a complete package when Act 7 was going to drop, all I wanted was an enjoyable ending, and that's still all I want.

>>88633387
That'd be a conflict and also John doing anything.

Like the reason I think the Jane stuff won't go anywhere is she says this isn't the first time dismissively. So there's no reason for Roxy or Calliope to be shocked by the depths she sank to.

I don't know the alpha kids super well. Jane trying to be a mother goddess and fucking it up has some legs, isn't Jake's deal that he's sort of a coward who pretended to be a he man adventurer but then found courage? Those could be good characters post-script.

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>>88632994
a conversation between all the four kids for once.
jade not just being the designated third wheel to everything since the retcon.
john doing something without having to be told to for once.
explain how the fuck destroying the green sun was supposed to help anything when it explicitly didn't give a fuck about pesky shit like 'time'
actual closure for all these dangling plot threads
explain what the fuck aspects like blood actually do.

Wait, what the fuck is this about an 'epilogue'?

We got an ending flash. Then a credits sequence.

Now they're doing these retarded snapchats, and you're telling me they're going to milk the narrative even more?

the worst thing about the ending is hinting at an epilogue, this is a fact

>>88633884
don't forget to buy hiveswap merch! The only way to beat the game is with the secret code that comes with your purchase!

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Huh, Hussie is trying to sell his autograph again. Must be hurting for cash.

>>88633981
>$80

Man
he is REALLY overselling it

>>88634030
those "bafflers" are overpriced in the first place but yeah the autograph seems to be a $40 premium

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>>88633981
>Chris Yates
wait a second, is Hussie hanging out with an epic fisherman

>>88633387
Also off the top of my head here's some ideas for a post-script homestuck dealing with "the kids are actual gods with god jobs" as a theme.
-One of them fucks up. Maybe Dirk won't bother answering uncool prayers for love. This is a problem and after John does his usual shtick he just belts out a command for Dirk to go on a godly quest. The rest of the story deals with the cast going 'what the fuck' and Dirk remembering that even dorks need to get down.

-Rose realizes her people, the turtles, view her as a strictly negative figure because she blew them off that hard. She sneaks back into her land to fix this because it hurts a girl's ego, and has a bit of a breakdown as she goes over every shitty thing she did during the game. This has the consequence of turning off the sun, and her friends have to snap her out of it.

-Dave forgets to record Squiddles 2: The New Batch while Jade is watering the world tree and goes on a ridiculous time travel adventure to remind himself to do that that totally isn't a metaphor for his trying to accept that he and Harley are kind of living together now shut up.

-Jade tries to grow a flower to rouse John out of his post-game moodiness but the intensity of the act brings her own issues out, growing an image of grimbark Jade, who proceeds to rampage.

>>88634221
those are actually some compelling premises for homestuckian parables

>>88634294
I had to bite my tongue to keep my filthy ship out of the Rose but yeah, thanks. If anyone else wants to give it a go feel free, it's more fun than just being salty.

>>88634664
I don't get it.

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>>88633981
That's the wrong kind of puzzle piece for a Homestuck jigsaw puzzle.

>>88634770
Peeler is a brand of sexual lubricant in the UK

>>88634835
Oh I didn't know that. You never use any kind of peeler for a banana though so I still don't feel like the joke works.

>>88634872
>>88634770
No, the joke is he's trying to make an "appealing" joke (because bananas have peels) and failing because he's Dave.

>>88634900
No no, the joke is that Karkat is stuck in the costume with him. He's asking for Peeler so the costume can be lubed and Karkat can get out.

>>88634948
Karkat doesn't exist anymore, that's why Jade is asking where Karkat is.

>>88634948
he wants jade to slide a metal blade against his skin and flay him like some sort of boogan

>>88635015
Man Bro's training really fucked up his libido

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>>88635140
It really did.

>bro is a child abuser

One of the weirdest parts of the retcon. Yes, let's take this deliberately over the top early comic stuff and now make it serious child abuse.

Do you remember when John broke down about getting hit in the face by a cake, and developed crippling diabetes from all the sweets? That was a fun part, too.

>>88635334
Why is Karkat wrapped up with some guy?

>>88635355
Not only that, but it stemming from an evil magic doll means it doesn't even seriously look at child abuse because it comes from an evil magic doll.

It just means one of the funniest things about Dave isn't funny anymore.

Cohen is truly a masterful author, to make potential character death and exploding the moon seem mundane and boring.

>>88635355
>Jade legitimately lived without meeting another human being for over a decade
>After finally meeting people for the first time past infancy, she's then stuck on a ship with her ecto-brother, and two spirit amalgamation things, and a bunch of barely sentient creatures
>her ecto-brother and one of the spirit things that she was romantically interested in and may have dated died because a planet exploded, leaving her alone with the other spirit thing which is her ecto-mother and the creatures, and this is portrayed to be distressing for said character
>gets less attention than the thing that was played for jokes years ago
Ok

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>>88633981
It may seem expensive now, but just imagine how much that signature will be worth after Hiveswap!

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Who's your favorite Felt?

>>88635396
Would you say that your expectations have been subverted?

>>88635533
Well obviously Crowbar, but that's the boring answer, so I'll say Die.

>>88635560

No, my expectations that it would be boring have been precisely met.

Does... Does anyone actually like this stuff? I don't think I've interacted with anyone who doesn't think Act6 is a decline in quality, and the snaps have been cute art but shit everything else at best.

>>88635494
You gotta know your audience. Fans were making Dave a sad broken woobie to heal with their genitals since year ONE, even though John, Jade and Rose all clearly had some fucked up shit under their respective facades. Rose in particular had a lot of people saying any stories where she wasn't perfectly composed and in control and adult as she pretended to be were sexist unless Kanaya did it then it was hot.

John people just ignored the fact that he was a huge awkward super eccentric dude who really wanted to be liked by these internet weirdos and what that implied despite his much more normal home circumstances. Got a lot of "I wanna write John he's just too...normal lmao? XD here's another dave fic!!!" back in the day.

>>88635601

don't worry, Dave and Karkat can heal the broken, shitty characters they became with their genitals :^)

>>88635582
whoa, rude.

>>88635528
I'd rather think of it as an investment

Who knows how much it will cost after Hussie's inevitable suicide?!

>>88634331
I suck at the Alphas but;
-Jane makes a clone of her father, presenting him to John and saying they can both have them back. This goes over about how you'd expect and Jade and Rose have to convince John to resume human form and Jane that she did fuck all wrong.

-Dirk has to break someone's heart to stop a dangerous child from being born. The problem is its Jane's, who's fallen for a mortal.

-Roxy steals a second of time from Dave's Clockwork Bachelor Pad on a dare, loses it, and has to go through so much shit to get it back before dad finds out and gets all >:( u don't even KNOW.

-Jake declairs a contest of fortitude and godly might with the prize being an original Romancing the Stone poster, hoping to reignite John's joy for living and Dave's martial pride. the problem is its hunting baby horrorterrors....

>>88635778
>The problem is its Jane's, who's fallen for a mortal.

God, it's always that whore isn't it.

>>88635804
Just be happy it's Jane and not Jade who's going all Zeus

>>88635804
Like her funniest trait, to me, is wanting super bad to be a sexy mother goddess and sucking at it.

But also come on someone's gotta keep chasing after them mortals.

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Pick one character who would improve the story the most by being absent.

Any plot critical (lol) stuff they do is delegated to the closest next character.

>>88635944
Everyone else looks somewhat normal but what is up with Jade in that pic?

>>88635956
Combining with what is assumed to be a male dog turned her into a trans.

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>>88635956

You must be new here.

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>>88635956

>>88635944
Vriska's an obvious answer but considering most of the shit Vriska does was a result of her own actions it seems like she's actually the best choice.

>>88635972
Oh jeepers.

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>>88636035

The thing that gets me is that Jade exhibits absolutely zero signs of any of this in any official art, nor does her character even spend a moment talking about it.

It's taking [CHARACTER] and putting your [IDPOL] on them.

>>88636016
Either Vriska or Kanaya staying dead the first time, yeah.

>>88636058
Exactly the opposite. Jade is really cis and girly. Even after Cohen got his hands on the comic she dates a boy.

>>88636061
Unless you really hate shipping I don't think Kanaya coming back to life had any negative repercussions on the comic at-large.

>>88636088
It's people projecting like crazy. Jade's only real deviant aspect is being a furry.

>>88636135

Yeah, Kanaya coming back was only a problem post Cascade when it became clear Hussie had no plans for Kanaya or Rose, and they became wallflowers. It wasn't their relationship that killed their character, it was having only that to the point it became dull.

Vriska staying dead would be fine, but you'd need to find someone to rile Aranea into causing GAME OVER, as she was content before Vriska came along.

I put forward that the comic would improve and the least would change if Calliope was never a character.

>>88636183
act 6 should have devoted more time to caliborn's quest and less on WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS

>>88636088
Davepeta is non-binary!!!

>>88636279

Caliborn either needed more time to make the transition to 'credible threat' from 'actual child', or not be in the comic.

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>>88631774
>>88632002
Here:
http://upd8.ninja/snaps/

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>>88636297
She considered the part that kissed her to be Dave.

>>88636367
GOG DAMN

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>>88632282
They're not jews, anon.
Felt are gay, and Jane is Trump.

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>>88636388

>>88635901
So is Jade Mother Nature, or is Jane?

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>>88632088
>Jane just leaves Cans to fucking die while he punches the oven into next week

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>>88633026

>>88632282
The only felt not in the oven with Jane is Cans since he's being used to punch them into next week.

>>88636183
Well that's my issue. Shippiness aside, Kanaya was a very convieant way to have all of Rose's shit take place off camera in a little virtue signaling pile which means more time could be spent on trolls. Kanaya dead means that Rose's fixing her shit was ended halfway which means Rose has SHIT TO DO, like say fix her relationship with John and Dave and flesh it out with Jade.

Also without Kanaya the trolls's resurrection as a species becomes less possible, which focuses more narrative oomph on the humans and makes the Condence's role as a villain trying to steal the new universe FOR the trolls (and really herself) more powerful. It pushes the trolls back to their original role as a warning to the humans about what The Game does if you fuck up.

>>88636413
Lord

>>88636465
They kind of share the role I guess. Even Rose is a bit of a mother goddess if she ever gets around to embracing her water aspects.

If I had to I'd say Jade is the mother nature aspect of the earth goddess while Jane's a more clinical take on it, a civilized evolution of the concept, which puts them at odds but also makes them understand each other.

I also keep putting the alphas in vaguely more antagonistic roles because from what I saw their core relationship was more brittle but I dunno if that's fair of me. I'm fond of Jake trying to give hope to his friends through a terrible idea though.

What is the point now

>>88636620
To suffer

Merry Christmas!

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>>88636620
Porn

Also what do with Dave to make him look better

>>88636620
The "point" is that there was no point. And that apparently was always intended to be the point, ergo people who cared what happened at all were therefore "missing the point" while simultaneously being the author's only lifeline.

>>88636661
Lower neck

>>88635650
I'm not trying to be rude, it's just that Crowbar is the best developed of leprechaun.

>>88633981
Not "again." Those jigsaw things were made over a year ago. Dude is trying to move merch that's still in the warehouse. and the $80 is for the "handmade" not the signature. Blame them for not knowing manufacturing costs or misjudging the project before they started (am I talking about the baffler, or Hiveswap?)

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>>88635586
>Does anyone actually like this stuff?
People on Tumblr, Reddit and Omegaupdate forums seem to like it. People on Greenlight page for Hiveswap were ecstatic.
I don't blame them - they're probably teenagers who like being a part of fandom.
>>88636752
He was making a joke about the word "die".

>>88636514
Thats even worse than cohens snaps johnrose shipper

>>88636575
Rose is the only one who is actually a mom. Like she is raising thousands of babies

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>>88637172
No she's not, she helps them get shit out and then leaves them to be
Actually who the fuck DOES raise the grubs? Lusii don't seem to be there.
But anyways, Rose is closer to a midwife than a mom.

so from what i understand this is the first actual story cohen's done

hussie did hiveswap

he seems like he wants to be derivative but unsure of a direction

>>88637201
No cohen did hiveswap

>>88637194
Still.more of a mother than jane and jade is my point

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>>88637226
Yeah but Rose is way more shit and associated with luck, so fuck her.

>>88637232
Yes but for all the talk of breeding and having zillions of babies rose is the only one with kids

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>>88637267
No, Rose is the only one who has delivered kids. By that logic, all the kids have huge families from the repopulation ectobiology session.

>>88637340
She takes cares of zillions of babies she is a mom

I think this upd8 broke me.

>>88636925

No, wait. The fact that it's got people eating it up broke me.

>>88637155
idk where i said 'john and rose fuck' up there but lol okay.