Spider-man (1967) Ep. 3 The Sky Is Falling

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JJ: PARKER my Boi, you can't do anything with money but spend it.

Parker: ... yes Mister Jameson that's what it's there for.

JJ: DON'T INTERRUPT

Parker: I just want my paycheck, Mister Jameson, it's been 2 hours can I please go?

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As I was saying, you can't do anything right and money is a bad influence and society is going to hell. Why go to church on Sundays when you can listen to the good word from the Book of Jameson?

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CAW CAW CAW

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Betty: Mister Jameson, the sky is covered with birds!

Jameson: Well they better not be asking for a handout from ME. I'm not giving those freeloaders peanuts or a cracker unless they're willing to work 9-5 to earn it!

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I am Vulture master of Bird! I control the skies so you better run you groundpounders!

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Quick! Here's what we're going to do, Mrs. Brant, you close all the blinds so they won't fly into the windows.

Parker, you grab my pellet gun and get to work.

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JJ: Parker?! Of all the times for that limp-wristed teenager to chicken out!

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Tiny flying mustaches! But how does the Vulture control them? No one is talented or charismatic enough to control so many at once!

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With my supersonic device all bird-brained things are hypnotized into doing my bidding! See?! Now bow before me and worship your new God.

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Spider-man: Just because people call me an odd duck doesn't make me a bird! And if it's a fight you want it's a fight you'll get, old man.

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*bonk*

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That's what you get for trying to best a man with wings! No one can beat a man with wings and it's a listen you and the rest of the city will know well unless you give me what I want!

And soon! Very soon! I'll find a way to give birds big, manly arms!

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Big-armed birds? Science has gone too far should such a monstrosity ever exist. But how to be his air superiority...

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Now to fight city hall! They want you to believe that we can't fight it but with my feathered followers we'll flock and fight until they forfeit!

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I should be doing something, but no one has given me a line. Should I be working? Waiting? I have the sense that something is about to happen but what? Why am I here? What use to the world is Betty Brant?

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Betty: Peter! What happened to you!

Peter: Aunt May and I had an argument and I uh fell down some stairs completely on my own.

Betty: Better put some ice on that shiner, but first you should see Mr. Jameson he's been screeching all morning!

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JJ: Mister Mayor, you can't give in to the Birdman's demands. Peter, you read the headline I wrote.

Peter: Birdman demands 2 million dollars?!

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Forget about the Birdman, I want you to get pictures of all the damages caused by Spider-man!

Oh yeah
Are you the anon who storytimed the FF episodes ?

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Spider-man? But the Vulture and his bird air force caused all those damages! They pooped on everything! You wouldn't think an elderly man could shit so accurately through the air but that madman did it!

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JJ: Yes! Exactly! Spiders and birds are natural allies and it's only natural that they'd work together! Think about it! They both eat bugs and they both have creepy eyes!

And what happened to your eye?!

>>87800551
That's correct. All me, well, with some help from a friend writing this stuff.

That reminds me. Previous Fantastic 4 stuff.
http://pastebin.com/tjREijhZ

And previous Spider-man stuff
http://pastebin.com/86qedmQu

>>87800616
You're a hero anon.

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Peter: Oh the eye? I had run into some fowl weather.

JJ: I heard whining to Miss Brant, my boi. You don't have to lie and change stories to cover abuse. This is a safe zone.

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EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT! ENTIRE CITY MOBILIZES AGAINST SPIDER-MAN AND VULTURE. POLICE RECOMMEND BUYING TINY NETS AND NEWSPAPERS FOR SELF-DEFENSE.

>>87800639
Thank you. Glad some people enjoy.

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JJ: Miss Brant! The mayor refuses to pay Spider-man and what's-his-name.. featherman?. Get that story to print ASAP.

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Betty: As much as I hate getting yelled at, it's amazing at the property damage he's able to cause with his voice alone. Every time he just yells his picture crooked.

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EXTRA EXTRA THE MAYOR REFUSES TO PAY SPIDER-MAN AND WHAT-HIS-NAME ... FEATHERMAN READ ALL ABOUT.

LOCAL NEWSIE SHOUTS HEADLINES AND GIVES AWAY THE SCOOP FOR FREE READ ALL ABOUT IT.

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What? They won't pay! How will I rebuild my retirement nest egg if they won't pay?! THAT'S IT I'M RAMPING UP THIS ATTACK TO A BIRDEMIC

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CAW CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKERS

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HEY BILL, ALL THESE BIRDS, IS IT THE VULTUREMAN AND HIS BIRDS?

YEAH BEN, I'M AS CERTAIN OF AN ATTACK AS CERTAIN AS YOU'RE HANDLING THAT JACKHAMMER WRONG. Let's get outta here! We stick around and we're just going to egg him on!

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I FUCKING LOVE FLYING

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What?! It's Spider-man! Where'd he come from! I'm flying too fast!

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Time to show you my fly-into-my-fist technique!

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Spider-man: No Mas hijos para tu!

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Punching my dick? What impressive accuracy you have to hit a moving target that small! Now see how good my aim is!

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The Bugle is right, these really came in handy!

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But I have enough hot metal bits at home. You can have em back.

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Missed me missed me! You can't beat a man with wings! Never ever! Man, I can really go for another red bull it's been 6 hours.

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I may not have wings but I can bounce real good! I'm a hit at all the birthday parties

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Spider-Man: Gotchaawwww crap.

Vulture: Wings! I have wings! Can't beat em! And this pad I'm using has 20% more absorbancy than the leading brands!

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You scream, I scream, we all scream for I-beams.

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If there's one thing I hate it's a smart-alack whippersnapper youngster!

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Silly me, I forgot my hardhat. I'll be right back.

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What's that sound? The sound of silence! You know Spider-man's been soundly defeated when he doesn't have a comeback. Didn't even need my birds for this one.

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How did I get out-shitposted by an old geezer? It's like wandering into /v/ Well, might as well get a picture for posterity.

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Parker: It wasn't Spider-man that wrecked it all, it was the Vulture.

JJ: Under Spider-man's orders! I'd bet my one-of-a-kind mustache on it!

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Sorry to interrupt you two, but the window cleaners called and said they're not coming into work. They said they're afraid of the vultureman.

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WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY WON'T WASH THE WINDOWS?! THERE'S A WEEK'S WORTH OF A BIRDPOOP ON THEM! WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH GIVING THEM AN INVOLUNTARY PROSTATE EXAM THEY'LL WISH THEY'D NEVER HAVE DEFIED ME

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That gives me an idea.... I need to schedule my annual prostate exam with my doctor. It's not something one should put off! Prostate cancer is a real danger and could happen to anyone.

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La de dah... What, anon, haven't you ever seen a guy hold down two jobs? I need the extra cash.

Just hope the Vulture comes before I run out of windows.

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Cleaning windows! Doesn't that fool realize he's defying my order that everything in this city shall remain filthy until I become filthy rich!

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Spider-Man: A bucket of soap water for my favorite dirty old man!

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Vulture: Hey youngster check out what happens when you never skip legday! I'm taking you airborne, sonny!

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Spider-Man: Maybe I should have aimed that water at your crotch to wash away that old man funk you have going on down there.

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At least I'm free from his powerful thighs. Free... as a ...bird.

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Another web-trampoline to the rescue!

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*FLAP FLAP FLAP*

I CAN BE BURD TOO!

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YO ADRIAN!

HOPE I DIDN'T RUFFLE YOU FEATHERS!

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You'll have to do better than that to russle these jimmies you boorish boob!

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Please webbing, I don't ask a lot of you but please don't miss this once.

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My arm! That's enough playing around! I'm turning my birds up to full Hitchcock!

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CAW CAW CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRP

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Yeeeeep. That's some shock and terror headed my way. Better get going while the getting is good.

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Yes! Run! No one can stand up against me and my fearsome feathered friends! What a remolting turn of events.

Time to retire for the night, my Birdman torrent should be done by now with that many seeders.

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MISS BRANT GET IN HERE ON THE DOUBLE

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Betty: You screamed Mister Jameson?

JJ: YES I DID

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JJ: OH PARKER LOOK WHO SHOWED UP TO WORK. THE MAYOR AGREED TO PAY SPIDER-MAN 2 MILLION DOLLARS

Parker: You mean the Vulture?

JJ: NO, TO SPIDER-MAN, AND IT'S GOING TO BE DELIVERED TO THE EMPIRE STATE IN THE FORM OF TWO 1 MILLION DOLLAR BILLS GO AND GET SOME PICTURES THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A MESSENGER TO MAKE THE EXCHANGE ON THE OBSERVATION DECK

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Two one million dollar bills? Do they even make those? How could you break it, no one could make change...

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

The money at last!

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This would be the part where there'd be a Stan Lee cameo but he didn't feel like coming into work today.

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TWO MILLION DOLLARS AND IT'S ALL MINE! MOM SAID I'D NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING AND SHE'S DEAD WRONG!

well dead and wrong, really, she died like 30 years ago. It's going to be a lonely thanksgiving

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Hey buddy can you spare a dime? I need fare for the bus.

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Vulture: Get a job, freeloader. I extorted this 2 million fair and square!

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heh heh heh, getting my butt whooped all according to the keikaku

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Vulture: Spider-man, with you out the picture I can retire and live the next 10 or so years I have left in peace. Be a good youngster and stay dead.

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*Booooop*

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Vulture: hhhhhhUuuuuuuuuuugh

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YOINK

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HEY! THAT LITTLE TWERP NIGGA STOLE MY DOSH! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM AND THEN TELL HIM THE LONGEST, BORINGEST STORY I CAN TELL.

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Ok now I just need to get him real maaaaaaad

HEY VULTURE! CHICKEN LITTLE WAS A TERRIBLE MOVIE AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED FOR OWNING IT

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FUCK YOU IT'S TECHNICALLY IMPRESSIVE AND HAS A UNIQUE PLACE AT BEING ONE OF THE EARLY DISNEY CGI MOVIES AND PAVED WAY FOR FUTURE MOVIES AND DESERVES TO BE RESPECTED FOR ITS PLACE IN HISTORY

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FREEBIRD IS AN OVERRATED SONG AND SHOULDN'T BE PLAYED AT ALL WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY BETTER SOUNDING SONGS OUT THERE

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Vulture: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

(a bump would be appreciated if anyone's out there readin')

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neinerneinerneiner your cologne smells like a wet dog and you have bad breath

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Spider-man: Sesame Street should be cancelled and the newest Muppet show be revived and take its place. Kermit > Bird Bird AND ALWAYS WILL BE

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Come to me my birds! Come and flock up his shit!

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TWEET TWEET TWEET

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Why are you aiming at me for? I have wings! I'm one of you! Get him! HIM!

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FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

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Never count your chickens or the yolk's on you or you're a real featherweight or your whole plan was for the birds or...

anon! Help me out with some bird puns!

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BIRDS STAAAAAAHP! BIRDS! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M YOUR BUUUUUUUUUUUDDYYYYYY

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Birds, you may not be eagles but America salutes you all the same.

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MISS BRANT! HELP! THE BIRDS! THEY'RE TRYING TO BREAK INTO THE OFFICE! HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!

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Betty: Mister Jameson, what is it now?

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THERE'S SOMETHING OUTSIDE THE WINDOW IT'S THE BIRDS, YOU'RE A BIRD, I'M A BIRD, THERE'S BIRDS EVERYWHERE.

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Betty: What? No, Mister Jameson have you not been taking your medicine with your coffee? It's a note from Spider-man.

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WHAT? HE WANTS MORE MONEY? IS 2 MILLION NOT ENOUGH TO SATE HIS GREED? WHEN WILL IT END?

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It says "A-well-a ev'rybody's heard about the bird bird bird bird B-bird's the word here's 2 million dollars"

Signed your friendly neighborhood Spider-man

THE END

Welp. That's a raging battle against capchas. See ya next week I guess. Have a happy thanksgiving, I won't, but I hope you all will.

>>87799978

>>87803530
thanks for the bump

Funny anon. I'll tune in for the next one. I hope you can have a cool experience on Thanksgiving.

>>87799978
Nice, OP. Reminds me of the Billy and Mandy threads that used to run on /mlp/.

>>87803614
You welcome.

That was great, it reminded me of the Street Fighter II posts but much better. Now I got a reason to stay up on saturday nights.

>>87805335

Been doin it for months now. Good to have you aboard now, there's archives for the old ones up above at the pastebin

thanks man I enjoyed it

bump for oc

>>87808646

>>87812151

>>87812151

>>87803043
Thanks for continuing this amazing work man.

>>87799978
Spidey

>>87814948
This