Does he have the most tragic backstory in /co/?

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>>87779908
Tragic backstories. Plural.
And the answer is yes.

This guy does.

If it were real...

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>>87780410
Forgot pic

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>born into slavery and believed to not even be a member of her own species
>fell in love with the woman who freed her
>spent 5000 years repeatedly getting cucked by hundreds of different men who weren't even the same species as the woman she loved
>Comforted herself with the thought that her beloved always comes back
>one day she doesn't
>she dies giving birth and forces her to care after another man's child
>the child loves her like his own mother and is is gentle, and sweet, and everything good about the woman she loved
>and the only thing she can think of the whole time is how much she hates him, and how much she hates herself for hating him, and how she's supposed to cary on when the only person she ever loved is gone
>and the worst part of it is the hope that she might come back, but only if the child dies.
>and even if she killed it, or allowed it to die, her beloved would never forgive her, and she would never forgive herself

Hes a great dad regardless of everything else

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Because fan theories are tragic.

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>>87781170

>>87780521
Aye but let me make this clear. Doof;
>Was forced to wear hand-me-up dresses
>Was forced to throw his own birthday party which got closed down because no one came.
>Had his birthday cake eaten by doonkleberry bats.
>Was forced to stand statue still through day and night as the family's lawn gnome
>The unfavourite of his mother to his brother because he was bad at kickball.
>The unfavourite of his Father to their dog named 'Only Son'.
>Only friend was a balloon named Balloony who floated off one night as he attended his Lawn Gnome labour.
>Was the person who got dunked in the dunktank at the fairground.
>Lost all the science fair competitions to a baking soda volcano.
>Lost a poetry slam to a baking soda volcano.
>Was at some point disowned by his parents and adopted by Ocelots.
>Somehow always pulling out a skunk whenever he attempted parlour tricks.
>Lost all his potential love interest to a guy with massive hands despite being much better at hand-shadow puppetry.
>Was mocked for being a Brawtwurst vendor.
>Lost another of his dates to a whale.
>Was forbidden as a child to use public pools.
>Or from watching music videos.
>Or from playing with his model railway.
>Was mocked by a mime.
>Was unable to jump from the high dive and bought further shame to his family.
>Was banned from Albania.

>>87780521
>>87781580
>Won a teddy bear and gave it to his mother who gave it to his brother who then took a big red marker and wrote his name on the bear and his mother's blouse, effectively claiming both as his own and thus shutting Heinz out of the family dynamic.
>Had a fly/raisin in his soup.
>Attacked by bees and got a fire hydrant stuck in his leg that was too close to an artery to operate.
>Worked for day and night on a masterpiece painting before his brother spilt food on it.
>Modelled for a popup ad and was attacked by a wombat he was holding.
>Couldn't make pretzels and lost his internship.
>Tricked by his parents into sailing to a land of opportunity where golden opportunity awaited...but ended up in America instead.
>During his youth and later years kept having sand kicked on his face by Big Boot Borris the Bully. Except from when he was on the beach.
>Was told as a child that a troll named The Kinderlumper would kidnap him if he did naughty things like breath, blink and drink.
>It turns out then that his mother would tell his brother that the same creature would bring him lot's of presents.
And I'm still pretty sure I'm missing some.

Oh and neither of his parents showed up to his birth but I suppose Pearl could relate to that.

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>>87781603
Oh! And lost both his arms at some point.

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technically her

>>87781580
>dog named 'Only Son'.
this never fails to make me laugh