"The Dome" This comic that I'm working on

File: Teaser_page2.jpg (4MB, 2894x4093px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2894x4093px

>>87600270
Page 2/2
This is intended to be a "teaser" type thing to see what people think

>>87600270
So ye, the link broke. Here's a working one:
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1f-Embdir9xDdLY5V_4gZ5QUk--epeR8OpA4CGQa64yU

>>87600270
>>87600283
I'm sorry dude.
The art's fine but the layout, the panels, the writing... They're awful.

Shit is hitting the fan in the first three panels of the book and is pretty much instantly resolved on the same page. Meanwhile we have no idea where (and when) this is, who these people are, why we should give a fuck about anything, etc. It's kind of jarring.

Now it's possible that this is the kind of thing you meant to go with and that you have a good idea how to slow down and pull the reader into the story later on, and establish your setting and characters. It's also possible that you can do this without having to grind the pacing to a halt. But right now, it's really not doing anything to convince me to keep reading.

Your art has potential though, so I don't want to just slam you or anything. Just... take some time to think about stuff like that. Not just about the story you want to tell, but about how you're going to tell it.

>>87600683
Ye I get you both. This is the first time I'm attempting something like this. My goal was to collect feedback so that I now what I need to work on before starting the real thing. All feedback is much appreciated, thank you!

File: wttt.jpg (2MB, 2894x4093px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 2894x4093px

>>87600283

>>87600270
Eyy! Nice to see this still up and running. So opinions, you went on the first plot WAY too quickly. I remember the first pitch you gave us, pretty nice imo, here, everything just went "done!". Try to spend more time with some of the characters first, let us get to know them, their names, attitudes, what exactly are they doing in that lab and so and so.You mentioned before about rifts and such, try to allude to that before you go into the dome.On the other hand, the structures and character designs are looking cool.

>>87600906
I know what you mean. My intention for this was to limit it to 2 pages and get some feedback on. I definitly will try to keep what you say in mind when I start working on the first chapter. Thanks!

>>87600270
Besides the already mentioned pacing and layout issues, I find it funny how in the panel conveying more rush and little time available is the same panel with the longest speech bubble.

But yeah, see between panels 1 and 2? There's a definite skip in time. She got into work, stashed that bag somewhere, set up her workstation and started working.
Decompression would probably go against you with such limited space, but a small grid of common morning routine images interspersed with harsh security images would give a better feel of time passes, this is every day and just how intrusive the gas mask evil empire is.

Give it another shot, do your best

>>87600283
I think if you hand-lettered this and stuck to a simple, strict grid page layout it would look better. No point to those oblique angle panels.
The third and fifth panels of this page are quite good.

>>87600270
your pacing is way too fast. There should be time in the beginning of a story to establish who the characters are and why we should care about them, otherwise there's no reason to care if they're put in danger. Those explosions are meaningless to the reader, because we don't know who they are, what the place is, what the stakes are. And the way you introduced your secret society thing is just way too fast and cliche. The idea of secret worlds a basic plot device that can be really solid, but you did it in a movie-ish type of way that is rushed and meaningless.