New Avengers Vol 2 Storytime (Part 3)

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Oh right, and Wong joined as their Jarvis.

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Wait, do they just assume every white guy with an eye patch is Nick Fury?

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Surprising lack of dialogue here, for a Bendis comic.

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>"You can't shoot and drive, it never works!"

Unless you're going to run him over, it's gotta be better than nothing.

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>"Mien gott!"

Well, that's one way to establish that they're German, and probably Nazis, since it's a Nick Fury story.

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>"I find you and your dead Nazi pal there guilty of crimes against humanity and God."

Wow, I was joking, they really ARE Nazis.

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Oh right, this is an Avengers book, isn't it?

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Credit where it's due? Luke probably wouldn't know who Superia is, off the top of his head.

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>this whole debate

Superia's probably an escaped criminal, if not a known terrorist, you can probably bust them for her, right?

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Man, Ben's the best.

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I forget. do we have scenes of Luke driving a car before this? I vaguely remember joking about Danny not having a license before, I just forget the set-up.

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>Luke Cage lifts a truck over his shoulders because he can't find the keys

To my knowledge, this is basically Luke's greatest feat of strength.

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>suddenly a dragon
>"I'm so out of here!"

Smart man.

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Well, that sucks.

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Like Gwen all over again, huh Peter?

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So, can you tell what the Secret is?

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All right Anons, can you name EVERYONE on this cover?

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Well, that didn't take long.

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I'm not going to lie, if they didn't make the "He heals?" joke... I would have.

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Sorry Ben, you're not with the quippy half of the New Avengers.

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And suddenly, Carol Danvers flying through a brick damn wall.

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>she didn't know the woman with SUPER in her name has superpowers

I don't know to blame this on Bendis being a hack, or Carol being an idiot. Maybe both.

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I swear, they'll explain how this is relevant eventually.

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While I saw this coming, I was hoping he'd pull a gun instead.
Also, credit where it's due they show EXACTLY where she's hiding that big fucking knife in the top panel.

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I don't know if I'm a casual for not knowing who this guy is, or if he's the most obsure of everyone in this crew.

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We never see her set her down, so I'm assuming Peter just dropped her once his Spider-Sense went off, hard enough for an audible thud.

Anybody here? Anybody drinking or getting ready to blow the brain out?

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>"I'm smarter than all of you put together!"

Bendis doesn't know how to write characters who are known for their intelligence.

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>>87572549
Oh thank god, SOMEONE is here. I thought I was going to have to do this entire arc alone.

Thanks, OP.

>>87572549
Well, I'm Canadian, so I'm more worried than panicking.

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>smashing a man's head into the ground hard enough to break concrete

Peter, I know you're pissed, but that guy may need a doctor now too.

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>Kraven and Namora

Yeah, assuming that guy on the right is Ulysses Bloodstone, Fortune really is the most obscure character in this roster.

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Wait, Kraven's that old? I know he was a grown man in the 60's when he first showed up, but sliding timescale and all.

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Honestly, I'd read a book that was just Kraven and Sabertooth just engaging in Spy vs. Spy esque antics with each other.

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>Luke casually carried the truck seven blocks

If anybody knows one of his feats that tops that, lemme know.

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Jag, really? Not the kind of insult I'd expect from Luke.

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Okay, so I don't know the Silver Sable's DAD, but I know about the less famous Bloodstone.

>>87571947
Hey. Coming in late.

So, how bout that American Democracy? It had a good run. Hope everyone enjoyed having to vote for the last time.

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Is it wrong that I'm laughing at Sabertooth in that tiny suit?

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You're a fucking SUPERVILLAIN, lady. You don't get to complain about fair play in this game, unless you're the Rogues.

>>87572611
BONK seems like it's underselling it somewhat.

>>87572061
Chaykin's 00s art style is not amenable to graffiti.

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Well... at least she does more than just whine.

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>>87572601
Apparently enough Americans ARE worrying that they crashed your immigration site.

>>87572091
And here I was assuming they were agents of the Castro government.

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Bobbi doesn't have a secret identity, right? I mean, she's a known SHIELD agent. Just give her her real name, so they don't have to make this whole "that's not a name!" bit.

>>87572113
This is a cringetastic page. Like, nothing about it feels good.

>>87572156
Nice to see Black Man's wife join the team as White Woman.

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>>87572744
Look at it this way, Anon. The president doesn't have nearly as much power as people think he does.

>>87572167
That IS a lot of male minions for Superia though.

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I swear, this better not end with a retcon that the modern day Avengers are somehow a continuation of these guys, when the name was literally something Janet kinda just threw out there.

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Man, Carol's had some better days, huh?

>>87572822
They give her name to the paramedic in >>87572763 so it's just Bendis doing what he does.

>>87572849
That's true, but SCOTUS is likely conservative for the near-mid future.

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Carol, a few years ago, Mystique could've made the same thing about you.

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>Victoria Hand led them to a HAMMER base to raid

You know, if anyone else but Spider-Man said this, it may have seemed reasonable.

>>87572242
Man, nice Deodato art there with the truck part not sagging or anything.

>>87572894
>She's the face of your fail.
Woof.

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>>87572766
I'm waiting for the page where they also have the criminal being wheeled in too, and Peter's just awkwardly looking away.

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Oh god, I hope this was Sabertooth's plan, because that's kind of hilarious.

>>87572260
Okay Wolverine just killed that guy for basically working security at a place the Avengers were staking out in case they started doing something illegal.

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Eh, I would've prefered if someone else just stole the truck while the driver was looking over Sabertooth.

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>>87572839
I'll never understand the resistance to giving Luke a costume. At the very least, give him a color-coded one, so he's recognizable.

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>>87572882
>so it's just Bendis doing what he does.

Forgetting what he wrote himself, or forgetting this is a comic book universe?

>>87572303
That they stole Jimmy Woo's idea for banding together super powered types in the style of the Invaders/All Winners Squad?

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>>87572826
All of these flashbacks are, partially because we don't get told why we're being told until the end of the arc. Until then, it's just Nick Fury and some random guys Bendis drew out of a hat.

>>87572875
She's also had much worse, to be fair.

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My Captain America knowledge is a bit off, so I may be wrong about this.
Captain America went into the ice near the end of WW2, and the original Red Skull somehow went in suspended animation before that.

There was ALSO a "fake" Red Skull who showed up during the Red Scare, allying with the Russians while Cap all but literally went into battle yelling "Better dead than red!"

What ever happened to THAT Red Skull?

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How the hell did... you know what, don't care, this is pretty awesome.

>>87573049
I think he died.

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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention it last time, but Clint is Hawkeye again, and not Ronin.

>>87572521
He's pretty minor.
Like, Bloodstone minor.

He was part of Bobbi's private spy organization, though, if you get around to Hawkeye and Mockingbird.

Pretty big coincidence that Wasp happened to come up with the same name as a secret team from 1959...

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>"Only Wolverine will think that."

Does Steve really not remember that Osborn has personally been responsible for most of the horrible shit that's happened in Peter's life?

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>>87572921
I can only assume that was SUPPOSED to be "failure", and the person who Marvel pays to edit Marvel's books didn't care.

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>>87572949
I think we're supposed to assume these are all HAMMER agents. Either way, you can't really get bad at Wolverine killing people, that's kind of his thing. At best, it's the Avenger's fault for not realizing that he's gonna Snikt all of the Bubs.

>>87572184
Most definetly. This debate would work if they were just HAMMER agents and they didn't know that Superia is with them until later.
And btw, what the fuck is Superia doing with HAMMER? Her whole thing was being a radical feminist.

>>87572611
Putting people through walls or concrete is drastically undersold in most comic books.

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Remember, this is the late 50's. If Nick Fury is anything like the Nick Fury we know, he knows this isn't Steve Rogers.

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Normally I don't post these pages, but I love the irony of this next issue title, given the shit that Captain Hydra ended up causing.

>>87572273
>>87572287
It's pretty weird for a nameless henchman to actually do something like this. You would have thought that Superia would have been the one to do it.

>>87572744
Unless Obama literally declares Marshall Law and sit in White House until 2020. That wouldn't be democratic but he'd get a hell yeah from a lot of people. And then Kanye can become the president.

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>>87573106
I guess you can pretend Janet heard about it at some point, and thought it was a cool name.

>>87572624
>Kraven and Namora

God, what a shit paring. Bendis should be non-canon.

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Looks like Clint's going full Ronin again.

>>87572641
He took Africa herbs that extended his life to the point where him being a big game hunter isn't a bizarre anachronism.

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>>87573154
>And btw, what the fuck is Superia doing with HAMMER? Her whole thing was being a radical feminist.

I wouldn't be surprised if they're trying to dial back that aspect of her character, like how Val isn't like that, outside of jokes.

>>87572641
Yeah, Kraven is supposed to have been born in Tsarist Russia. He uses weird magic herbs to stay young, so does his cousin the Chameleon.

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>>87573191
I guess they're trying to sell it as a senseless tragedy rather than something intentional, but yeah.

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>>87573199
I'm telling you, Names out of a hat.

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>>87573219
I know they make him able to fight Spider-Man, but they increase his age too? I thought the big game hunter thing was just him being a nutter.

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>>87573195
>And then Kanye can become the president.

Look, just because people think Trump is the worst choice for president doesn't mean you have to respond with "Challenge accepted!"

>>87572601
>>87572549
I'm concerned too. However, if we survived 8 Bish years, we can probably survive 4 Trump years. We just have to hope that his own party tries to keep him in line before the mid-terms.

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>Danny and Wolverine in costume
>Police outright says he knows who Doctor Strange is

Luke, maybe if you wore more yellow, people wouldn't have this problem, just saying.

>>87572836
>I've never heard of her
Of coure you haven't, this is a Bendis comic

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Remember, Wolverine has super strong senses. He can probably tell what she had for lunch for the past week based on the shit that just filled this woman's pants.

>>87572836
>There's nothing we can do here
Stephen, aren't you a surgeon? And shouldn't you know some healing spells?

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>>87573162
I feel like comic writers are too used to "enhanced durability" being part of nearly every superhuman that they forget "Oh right, that would crush a normal human's skull."

>>87572875
The HAMMER militia movement pretty much disappeared after Bendis left, right?
I still don't understand how the fuck Osborn still had this much support after Soldier Field and the Siege fiasco.

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I admit, I'm no leader of men, but I feel like maybe using the carrot more often would help. Maybe instead of threatening the lives of the families of cowards, maybe give the loyal soldiers' families something?

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>>87573368
Look at it this way. Presidents CAN be impeached.

>>87572763
>my men trained

For what? Menial tasks? Literal boot licking?
Superia is strongly anti-man! She organized the Female Supervillain Party Cruise

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>"Oops."

Don't act like that was an accident, Kraven. You were hoping it would get through him.

>>87573476
His own party isn't going to impeach him unless somethin REALLY bad happens, this isn't House of Cards.
President Pence is kind of scary too.

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>"That super-soldier, sir?"

>>87573368
Bush was just a dullard though. And controlled by Cheney.

Nothing controls Trump. Trump doesn't even control Trump.

>>87573049
>There was ALSO a "fake" Red Skull who showed up during the Red Scare, allying with the Russians while Cap all but literally went into battle yelling "Better dead than red!"
He also killed Peter Parker's parents.
He was eventually assassinated under orders of the original Red Skull.

>>87573486
Yeah, I don't get why Bendis picked Superia of all people for this role. Surely other villains could have worked better?

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>>87573422
I'm still pretty early in my Strange reading, but he's only actually done surgery once, and he was afraid to because of his hands. Maybe that's a recurring thing for him?

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>Atlantean-Human hybrid vs Athletic Man in rubber mask
>In the ocean

The fact that this fight isn't over in one panel shows how little fucks Bendis gives.

>>87573094
>Ex-Hydra and AIM
Why the fuck would the US government hire terrorists to join their new intelligence/military force? This is fucking insane.
I get that Osborn is a bad guy, but he shouldn't let guys potentially loyal to Strucker and MODOK into his orgaization and potentially undermine it.

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>>87573448
Well Slott had that Goblin Cult that showed up for a while. Those two may have been linked, but I don't know if either of them made a concrete connection.

>>87573094
>What dream?
>That's not the point
No, Victoria, it is the point. WHAT THE FUCK DO THESE PEOPLE WANT?
Bendis keeps telling us that Osborn and HAMMER have a "point", but never bothers telling us what it is.

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>>87573486
Has she had a major appearance lately? I vaguely remember her appearing in an AIM arc during Hickman's Avengers, but that was it.

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Okay, so I guess there was a SECOND fake Red Skull.

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>>87573530
>Yeah, I don't get why Bendis picked Superia of all people for this role. Surely other villains could have worked better?

I'm dead serious. I genuinely think he picked a name out of a hat, or just asked an editor to give him a random villain.

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Oh hey, Victoria Hand and Wolverine have the same friends.

>>87573379
Really? This cop doesn't even know what HAMMER is? For fucks sake why is everyone in Bendis comics so goddamn ignorant all the time?

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>this entire page

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>>87573497
>President Pence is kind of scary too.

Right, I forgot about him. Honestly, it may be worth keeping Trump in place, to keep HIM from being in charge.

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>>87573576
Because Norman Osborn is EEEEEEEVIL

>>87572894
I feel like the kind of dipshit that was a diehard Osborn supporter would not be a big fan of a female chauvinist like Superia.

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We live in a world where WOLVERINE is good cop, and HAWKEYE is the bad cop.

>>87573742
Wouldn't it be more dramatic if they interrogated the guy that actually shot Bobbi?

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>"Spider-Man is sifting through all the stuff we poached from the HAMMER raid. I think, beyond all evidence to the contrary, that he's some sort of really smart science guy."

Seriously, can you believe we're on issue 13 and Peter being basically the team's best scientific mind (unless Ben's caught some of Reed's science) is only coming up NOW.

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>>87573603
Just look at this page. "That traitor Captain America". Osborn and HAMMER's point is basically "superheroes bad", and that's IT.

>>87573787
>We got to play hardball
Remember kids, enhanced interrogation tecniques are OK if they're bad guys! Also, it works!

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>>87573690
To be fair, this is the first time HAMMER has been a terrorist organization, I feel like. Before that, it was literally just the SHIELD replacement, he may not know what this HAMMER is.

If it had a different name, it would've worked a lot better.

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>>87573758
Anon, you're putting more thought into this than Bendis did.

>>87573069
Wow, how did Namora find a suicidal whale?

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>>87573776
Yes. Yes it would.

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I like to think that this whole "we have to hunt down heroes turned bad harder than we've ever hunted down literal, and known, supervillains" thing is an intentional side effect of the constant "Hero vs. Hero" plots Marvel does.

>>87573802
But didn't Osborn and his Dark Avengers pretend to be superheroes? Surely there's got to be more to it than that.

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WHY IS JESSICA DREW HERE NOW?!

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>>87573842
She's probably strong enough that she can get it back into the water, even without the ability to fly.

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>"We knew they'd know."

For fuck's sake, Hand!

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>that last panel

Fastball special, Heroes For Hire edition!

>>87573901
When Carol's on a Bendis Avengers team, Jessica always shows up eventually. Even if it's really a fake Jessica.

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>Danny punched a way through a... whatever kind of flying aircraft that is

Whatever it is, I bet it's pretty tough to punch through. Maybe not as impressive as the Helicarrier incident, but still worth mentioning.

Trump is one breath away from winning, but at least I have this storytime.

>>87573246
Okay, how does Nick Fury NOT know about the long list of not-Caps that filled in for Cap for most the second half of the 40s and the 50s?

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>>87573881
Not much more to it, I'm afraid. Seriously, the last issue of Dark Avengers was basically Osborn saying "you're the cause of everything bad, one day you'll say 'Osborn was right.'"

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I won't lie, I chuckled at Strange suddenly holding the case.

>>87574021
Carol really hates due process.

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>>87573990
You can always assume this is around the time that there were no Captain Americas, and he knows that.

>>87574002
Osborn didn't actually do anything to make things better though, he objectively made everything worse.

>>87573379
>She's an agent of HAMMER
>Am I supposed to know what that is?

Yes? They were part of the national security apparatus and invaded Asgard like a fucking month ago?

Fuck, even for BENDIS this is shitty continuity!

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Is the Infinity Formula a secret? I genuinely don't know if Nick Fury tries to keep people from not knowing about it.

>>87574046
>A question for another day
This never gets answered, does it?

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>>87573981
Look at it this way. Tomorrow is comic book day.

>>87573429
Okay, the bottom half of this page is solid comedy.

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So yeah, from this point on? Mockingbird has Captain America's strength and speed, combined with Nick Fury's longevity.

>>87574091
Really Nick? You're acting like the Inifinity Formula is a bad thing?

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Next issue: Fear Itself!

And now we know what we'll be doing tomorrow night, Anons. I hope to see you all then!

>>87573654
So basically how he staffed the Hood's gang?

>>87574083
Remember that time in Secret Warriors where it was revealed that SHIELD was infiltrated by Hydra?

>>87573768
Well how many Hulks has Wolverine killed?

>>87573802
>Hawkeye
>Doing anything ANYONE says.

Just because Clint respects Cap, it doesn't mean he actually follows orders. I mean, really.

>>87574217
He gets to it eventually.

>>87574002
What the fuck is going on with her tits in that first panel?

>>87574322
Flamenco

>>87574118
Well, it does turn Bobbi into an alcoholic sociopath who hallucinates corgis everywhere.

>>87574354
This canon? Because if so I may have been wrong to ignore that book.

>>87574159
Dude, that still doesn't explain how Osborn knew any more than jack shit about Fury's secret stash.

>>87572727
I only know of him via those flashbacks in Nextwave

>>87575732
He's basically a retcon character.
If he ever existed in his own comic it was something wicked long ago.
He only shows up in the oddest flashbacks.

>>87575732
>>87575797
He did exist, but as you said, long ago, back in the 70's.

>>87575797
Off the top of my head, I can think of this storytime, Nextwave, and Frankencastle.

>>87575825
He also showed up in Roger Stern's underrated "Marvel Universe" series that told the tales of the MU between WWII and the modern era. It had him join a team called the "Monster Hunters" that fought against 1950s monsters that were created by Warlord Kro and the Deviants. I was thinking of storytiming it as part of a "Road to Monsters Unleashed" storytime along with other stories about monsters.

>>87576157
Did he also use magic drugs?
Because Elsa sounds way too young to be his daughter.

>>87577313
The blood stone embeded in his chest made him immortal. He was 10.000 years old when he died after it was removed.

>>87577417
There we go.

Do you think that the Avengers 1959 were a good idea after all or a bad one?
Merely in terms of story, not of whether you could do without them or not.