Full-New X-Men

File: 1.jpg (606KB, 1280x984px) Image search: [Google]

606KB, 1280x984px

>>87396942

And so, with the greatest of hopes of your continued enjoyment, let's storytime the beginning of this saga.

File: 2.jpg (945KB, 1249x1920px) Image search: [Google]

945KB, 1249x1920px

>>87396966

File: 3.jpg (1003KB, 1249x1920px) Image search: [Google]

1003KB, 1249x1920px

>>87396977

File: 4.jpg (692KB, 1280x984px) Image search: [Google]

692KB, 1280x984px

>>87397003

File: 5.jpg (945KB, 1249x1920px) Image search: [Google]

945KB, 1249x1920px

>>87397021

File: 6.jpg (1MB, 1249x1920px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1249x1920px

>>87397036

And the final page for now. All future pages will be found here, about 3:00 PM eastern time, every single day:

http://unxannyrewrites.tumblr.com/

Just as an observation. It always bothered me deeply that Bendis would go to the trouble of introducing an Australian X-Man and then have zero per cent of her dialogue be in any way Australian-sounding. If it weren't for the fact that it said the word "Australia" on the page, you would be safe in assuming she was in Miami or L.A. I decided... let's go 200% maximum Aussie with our take on her. Just for funsies.

>>87397080
So turning her into 1970's Tempus?

>>87397102

If you think she'll be so happy to accept a bland name like "Tempus" with a personality like this, you have another thing coming. That conversation is coming in a few issues.

>>87397080
C-men is now my head canon. Nothing can tell me otherwise.

>>87397163
And it isn't Time Sheila or Captain Australia either, is it?

Will I need to read bendis-men to get the jokes?

File: 1411777213396.jpg (61KB, 331x336px) Image search: [Google]

61KB, 331x336px

>>87397036

I'm liking it so far.

File: Hulk blaugh.jpg (63KB, 336x436px) Image search: [Google]

63KB, 336x436px

>>87396942

>>87397249

I seriously, SERIOUSLY toyed with "Captain Australia" and almost pulled the trigger on that before coming to something both funnier and more appropriate. Good guess, though!

>>87397267

I think it would HELP but not be necessary. There are a number of jokes which are specifically satirical of the source material, but lots which stand on their own merit too.

>>87397226

I'm glad you like it, because while I conceived of it as a one-off joke based on the slip of a finger on my keyboard based on the fact that X and C are right next to each other, it has, over the course of the first five issues, become the single most prolific running gag in the series.

>>87397314

Glad you're digging it! I anticipate periodically storytiming new stuff here on /co/ in addition to the daily updates on the Tumblr.

>>87397350
All shall love Cyclop's C-men!

This is funny. Keep up the good work.

>>87396942
Keep doing the Lord's work, Editbro

>>87397614

I've sent the first five issues around to a number of beta-testers of sorts, to see what they think of it. One issue on which there's a consensus is that people cannot get enough of Cyclops's C-Men. Once they get a taste of it, they're ravenous for more.

>>87397667

After certain... notorious edits I produced of another X-Men comic penned by Bendis a year or so ago, I always intended to do more. It's now that I find myself with the spare time and the passion for it that I find it's time to get this party started in earnest.

>>87397080
I see what you did with the URL there.

File: Unxanny_C-Men_logo.png (369KB, 1711x1480px) Image search: [Google]

369KB, 1711x1480px

>>87397733

If and when we get to "Battle of the Atom" and it's necessary to do some crossover issues with that series, you'll be seeing more than that.

File: 1475459530976.jpg (53KB, 339x373px) Image search: [Google]

53KB, 339x373px

Good stuff

Keep up the good work.

Nice. Keep it up.

>>87397080
>C-Men
mmmm

>>87398114

It's a name that, once I thought of it, really just seemed to stick, you know?

>>87396942
I loved a lot of Illuminated Wars though I'm still not sure what the joke of Thortective was.

Like were we too uptight about Jane Thor? It just sorta fizzles and I read it too late to talk about so here I am.

Also this is neat, OP, I'mma check it out.

>>87398239

I think the joke was pretty basic. It was a crime which was so blindingly obvious to the readers without any real suspense to it in the original comics, and taken to such an absurd degree in the re-write that Ultimate Thor's blind, blundering failure to detect was essentially Three Stooges-level slapstick.

Oh, and for those who are more into Facebook than Tumblr, there's this option for following us as well:

UnxannyRewrites

(apparently I can't enter the full URL because 4Chan thinks it's spam when I do so)

New pages will go up there every day at the same time as the Tumblr updates.

>>87398416
>(apparently I can't enter the full URL because 4Chan thinks it's spam when I do so)
Put the URL into tinyurl. It'Il give you a usable link to post here.

File: Untitled-1 copy.jpg (66KB, 1204x416px) Image search: [Google]

66KB, 1204x416px

>>87398476
Evidently this is not the case. It was worth a try, though, so thanks for the attempt!

>>87398323
I guess? Like most of the Illuminated gags are a take that at Marvel (I loved Black Panther finally talking some straight truth to his people holy SHIT.) so maybe I'm looking a little too deeply at the Thor thing which was kind of handled way better earlier where Freya just points out to Thor that everyone's gone mad.

>>87398855
I'd say about half of Illuminated Wars was digs at Marvel, while the other half was characters just being dicks to each other. Hopefully this rewrite here goes a bit lighter on both accounts.

File: 26.jpg (1MB, 1200x1844px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1200x1844px

>>87398855
>(I loved Black Panther finally talking some straight truth to his people holy SHIT)

Yeah, that was such a glorious moment that I sincerely wish we'd see something like that in Marvel canon. It's such a glorious end to the main plot and so poignant in context that I'd give just about anything to see the Wakandans of 616 get that kind of straight talk. As much as I've laughed at a LOT of other pages (in particular pic related), that's my favourite moment too.

>>87398919

Yeah, that was my biggest complaint with respect to We Don't Need Your Civil War, Muh Phoenix and Illuminated Comics: Too much of the humour boiled down to heroes being complete assholes to each other, and as funny as that often was, I didn't want to do the exact same thing as them, since I felt like it was too well-trod a path and sort of easy-mode.

Some characters are assholes. Some are merely uncouth. There's a fair number who are basically decent and worthwhile people, though not without their failings, comedic and otherwise, but I'm finding I enjoy having them around as straight men and/or comedic foils for the others.

Good work, OP! I'll be keeping an eye out for more of this.

>>87397080
That really bugged me too. Other characters call attention to her accent repeatedly, but they don't even make the effort to Guthrify her speech.

>>87396977
>>87397003
I was expecting the Straya talk, but not with this accuracy

>>87396942
Thank you

>>87400556
There is a different accent, just not written phonetically

File: 1469428266040.jpg (274KB, 869x1250px) Image search: [Google]

274KB, 869x1250px

>>87396966
>>87396977
>>87397003
>>87397021
it's like I'm really at blacktown

>>87400556

not everyone can be Claremont sadly

>>87402925
I know. Spelling out the sounds would just look kind of New Englandish, so you have to throw in some slang to make an Australian character not read American. The edits here are obviously the solution.

This is really really good!

What else have you parodied?

>>87403324
>limeys translating comics
disgusting

I love this kind of stuff, so I'm glad to see a new project going up. Keep up the good work, Editbro.

I'll admit I wasn't a huge fan of the Aussie speak at first, but it really helped the "translate to Australian" gag land.

>>87404971
Agreed

>>87396942

Are you going to be covering All-New and Uncanny C-Men

>>87397772
The book we need

>>87397728
I must have missed that, what was it?

>>87408451
I suspect it's the edit where teen Jean reads Cyclop's mind and sees mental images of him plowing her from assorted positions

>>87396942
>I decided it was time for a new ongoing Marvel parody project to begin

Aw sweet, time to get comfy.

Props for getting an editor.

>>87408526
Don't forget the constant reposts of Iceman being straight but then turned gay by big bad scary militant feminism.

>>87408584
I bet you a fiddle of gold it turns really /pol/ early and often.

>>87408631
I'm praying not, but I'll take you up on that offer.

File: 1470159760974.png (106KB, 278x467px) Image search: [Google]

106KB, 278x467px

>>87398416
>UnxannyRewrites
put the like option, man, so we can follow it

Looking forward to reading the rest.

>>87403324

That's hilarious. I can't help but laugh at the weird dissonance between source and substance here.

>>87400651

You wouldn't believe the literal dozen tabs I had open on my browser full of Australia lexicons, lists of terms and phrases and such literally every time I had to write Eva's dialogue. She's an incredibly difficult character for me to write, but also one of my favourite once I've got a page done.

File: t3_31mby3.jpg (1MB, 1944x6139px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1944x6139px

>>87405004
There's been a few other things here and there. Back when Jane Foster's identity was still a mystery I did this, which wasn't meant to be comedic per se so much as exploring an idea that seemed self-evident to me.

>>87408631

Not to worry. I'm a dyed in the wool leftie; I vote my country's socialist party every election, and have no patience for /pol/'s nonsense. You'll find nothing like that going on in this re-write.

>>87408997

Good point. I'll get on that tonight.

>>87409593
your country has a socialist party?

>>87409623

Many countries do! It's nice having an actual political spectrum rather than the Ameican system of having a middle-right party and a far-right party.

>>87408055
>Are you going to be covering All-New and Uncanny C-Men

Well, this IS (or was) All-New. As for Unxanny C-Men, we'll definitely be doing the issues which tie into Battle for the Atom and we've spent a lot of time discussing the idea of doing the rest of the series as well, but that largely hinges upon what sort of following we develop. If people seem to be really into it, we may wind up doing that as well.

Incidentally, as daytime begins in Australia, I'd be very curious to hear from any Australian readers how I did on the lingo. While obviously I was deliberately going over the top with the dialogue, I'd like to know if I was at least using the expressions correctly!

NZ here. They sounded pretty fucking bogan. That is a good sign. Australia has some good comedy to check out for genuine slang, but your parody version sounds pretty legit and the actual words don't really matter once you've got the vibe down.

>>87411131
I commented earlier (it's actually evening here), but the language was pretty good. It obviously read as a parody, but it wasn't unintelligible.

>>87408589
Kill yourself, tumblrina.

>>87412629

Yeah, to me it was never about feminism. There was nothing feminist about what Jean was doing in those pages; it was just the behaviour of a selfish, immature narcissist. Nothing political was said or implied in those pages; it was just an observation on that specific character's personality and habits.

File: 1477566359057.jpg (136KB, 654x785px) Image search: [Google]

136KB, 654x785px

>>87409593
>no patience for /pol/'s nonsense
That blasphemy against the Board of Peace almost makes me want to not read this out of spite, but I really enjoyed your edit so far, so I'll let it slide. But I'll be watching you, fampai. If you EVER insult Kek then you'll be first against the wall on the Day of the Croak. I guarantee it.

>>87412724

Well, there is one joke at Alex Jones's expense a few issues from now, but I hope that by that time I'll have won you over with the story.

Done and done. Should be possible to do so now!

>>87408997

Derp. Meant to quote this message. Following us on Facebook should be possible now.

>>87409593
If there'll be no SJWism either, that'd be great.

>>87409546
This is how it should've gone, and sums up my thoughts of the FemThor matter pretty well. Kudos to you, Editbro

File: 1477566376846.jpg (173KB, 1120x1196px) Image search: [Google]

173KB, 1120x1196px

>>87412802
YOU WICKED, WICKED DEVIL!

>>87413650

There's one small joke at their expense too, and in the same subplot. I don't really want to get too political with this, but you won't see me pandering to either extreme here, nor giving that whole silly conflict undue attention. It always sort of bothers me when a satire of a given work detours too far into making fun of things unrelated to that work. It feels inauthentic and cheap, like some of the early jokes in Dragonball Z Abridged, when they'd do things like Harvey Birdman jokes out of nowhere.

>>87413668

Yeah, I never had a problem with her as a character, I just disliked a number of things about the execution of that story, which I felt could have been fixed in a very simple way like this. I get that calling her Thor was purely a marketing thing; they knew they'd make more money if her book was called "Thor" than if it were called... I don't know, "Hammerblow" or whatever else they might have called her. And obviously they're a business and obviously I don't begrudge them wanting to maximize their profits, but creatively it was bothersome and led to a lot of bullshit posturing on the topic which I strongly disliked.

>>87413891
>I get that calling her Thor was purely a marketing thing; they knew they'd make more money if her book was called "Thor" than if it were called... I don't know, "Hammerblow" or whatever else they might have called her. And obviously they're a business and obviously I don't begrudge them wanting to maximize their profits
That would be solved pretty easily. Give her the "Journey into Mystery" book, and let Odinson have the "Thor" book (re-titled "Unworthy Thor" maybe).

After all, Spider-Gwen didn't need to don Spidey's costume and become "the new Spider-Man" to be popular, did she?

>>87414056

A better example is how Miguel, Miles and Peter are all calling themselves Spider-Man simultaneously, but I do take your point.

I think that a better arrangement from a business perspective would have been to give Jane the core "Thor" book (perhaps "All-New Thor?") and the Odinson into Journey into Mystery (since it was where he made his first appearance anyway, so it seems like a natural fit). We saw how poorly JiM did when Sif became the main character and there's no reason to believe that it would have done better with Jane as the main character, but I think that the arrangement I propose would have worked out well.

>>87409546
Huh. I do rather like this.
>>87414056
>Journey into Mystery
>Selling
It didn't work with Sif, and it wouldn't work with Jane.

>>87414158
>Miguel
I keep forgetting that Spider-Man 2099 is a book that exists.

>>87414166

Exactly my point. That's why I'm saying that if you put the Odinson in a rebooted JiM and Jane in an All-New Thor, then I think that both would sell.

>>87414193

I recently started buying up the trade paperbacks of it and reading it that way. I'm not going to say it's fantastic but if you enjoy Peter David's writing style, it will be, as they say, "cozy." As a long-time X-Factor fan, it gives me that comfortable reading experience I miss from that series.

>>87414237
That'd be good.
(It would also have been nice if they hadn't done the WHO IS FEMTHOR thing and cut some of the more obnoxious jokes from the opening arc, while we're wishing.)

>>87412910
Hilarious stuff mate. But why not just make it a page so we can like it?

>>87396942
Thank you anon, you're right, we need people like you more than ever.

>>87396966

>NNAAAAGGGH

It starts well

>>87414158
>>87414237
Hmm, maybe... Still shouldn't have called her "Thor". Give her her own unique name (not "Thor", but also not "Thor Girl" or "Thora" etc). The book itself can still be called "All-New Thor"

>>87414329
Nothing wrong with calling her book Thor. As to her name, something along the lines of The Worthy maybe. Or by the logic that controversy and angry fans sell, Whor.

File: Untitled-2 copy.jpg (90KB, 926x584px) Image search: [Google]

90KB, 926x584px

>>87414283

I admit that I'm not super familiar with Facebook, but does the 'follow' function not serve that purpose? If not, let me know what's what and we can see about sorting that out.

>>87397080

jesus, it's like Mad Max out there

>>87414283
Editor replying here. I know about the page option but I'm wholly unfamiliar with how managing one would work. To be honest, I'm not even sure what this would have to be categorised as (a book series? a "comedian" page?). I'll keep looking into it, but if you have suggestions, do feel free to share.

>>87414347
I like "The Worthy".

Another option could be "Donar" (which is a different variant of "Thor"). Or "Taranis" (the Celtic thunder god, could work if she has any Celtic ancestry). Or retcon her genealogy by giving her Native American ancestors, and call her "Thunderbird". Lots of possible options.

>>87414347
Since the latest female heir to a classic superhero persona was hilariously dubbed "Ironheart", they could've just established this "relevant thematic element + random body part" theme earlier and called this She-Thor "Thunderthighs".

>>87414361
Well, it does kinda serve the same purpose but if you've no intention of using Facebook as a person I believe creating a page is better for exposure, managing and shit. My friends will see if I like a page for example. But I'm not a Facebook pro either, so I may be wrong.

>>87414398
I've never managed a page myself but it feels right for this kind of thing if you get my meaning.

>>87414425
>Ironheart
Seriously? Wow. That's ultra-lame.

Why did they have to make all that fuss about FemThor being called Thor and not Thor-girl or Thor-dis etc... to just return to that naming scheme a couple years later?

>Thunderthighs
That would mean someone like Cho, Yu or Rocafort should've been hired to draw her

>>87414418
Also, a non Thor name would have obvious benefits if they have any intentions of keeping her around and giving Odinson another Mjolnir.

>>87414425
>She-Thor "Thunderthighs"
10/10

File: Woman-Thor-Storm.jpg (202KB, 616x656px) Image search: [Google]

202KB, 616x656px

They should've just given Storm the Mjolnir again. Fuck that Jane bitch

File: Ruby_Rhod_3.jpg (25KB, 323x213px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 323x213px

>>87414503
>WHABOOM BADA BOOM

>>87414503
>now that's what i call thunder thighs

On an unrelated note, why the fuck does old Thor/Odinson shave his armpits? And why do new Thor, being a feminist icon at all?

p.s. I'm not a fetishist
d.s.

File: Cq02JL4UEAATHjk.jpg medium.jpg (38KB, 618x349px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 618x349px

>>87414474
>Ironheart

It's even funnier when you learn that before Brian Michael Bendis decided to create his female version of Iron Man and call her that, there was already a Japanese porn parody of Iron Man which was literally that, and called Ironheart.

>>87414503

Here's what I think underlies the whole decision to give Mjolnir to Jane.

Marvel Studios realizes that even people who don't read the comics and never will nevertheless seem to recognize and appreciate authenticity in comic book movies. It's a big part of what made Fant4stic a failure; people got that it was essentially just fanfiction, at best.

So the executives want to be ready for the day when Chris Hemsworth no longer wants to play Thor. They want to be able to smoothly transition a new actor into that role. And if the comics already have a new Thor in that role and have for several years? They're set. All they need to do is hand off the hammer to whoever they get to play Jane, and it has that ring of authenticity about it. It feels genuine and rooted in the source material.

And I think the fact that we've seen Sam Wilson as Captain America and Amadeus Cho as the Hulk and so on and so forth all at the same time is no coincidence. They all exist to set precedent for the eventual retirement of the actors playing these characters.

And that's why it was never going to be Storm.

>>87414712
>before Brian Michael Bendis decided to create his female version of Iron Man and call her that, there was already a Japanese porn parody of Iron Man which was literally that, and called Ironheart
Dude... dude... did you just not put 2 and 2 together?

>>87414772
>And I think the fact that we've seen Sam Wilson as Captain America and Amadeus Cho as the Hulk and so on and so forth all at the same time is no coincidence. They all exist to set precedent for the eventual retirement of the actors playing these characters.
That's... too depressing and soul-crushingly corporate not to be true.

File: maxresdefault.jpg (313KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

313KB, 1920x1080px

>>87414832

No, I don't believe for a moment and I'll tell you why: Bendis has a couple of adopted black daughters and I'm convinced that Ironheart is meant to be his gift to them. I'm sure he was horrified to learn that this porn parody exists to sully that.

File: Untitled-3 copy.jpg (106KB, 972x672px) Image search: [Google]

106KB, 972x672px

>>87414452

Alright, there we go. Obviously I wish I could just type out the URL here so you could click on it, but since 4Chan's spam protection prevents it, let this screenshot do the trick.

>>87414849
Yeah... I was hoping that if the current crop of MCU heroes retire we can focus on other untouched lesser known heroes.... like Quasar or Nova or Wonder Man

>>87414918

I'm sure that's on its way too. Guardians of the Galaxy was surely the first experiment in that direction; taking some C-List characters and elevating them to the A-List with a good movie. Ant-Man followed up on that, and I'm sure we'll see more of it.

But they make too much money off of these other brands to stop producing these movies and I suspect that they made the calculation that continuing to recast the key characters will eventually diminish the brand identity. I'm not sure I agree in a world where James Bond continues to be viable after so many decades and so many actors, and where Ed Norton was already replaced by Mark Ruffalo, but I suppose we'll see how it plays out.

>>87411131
Okay as a person who lived in Queensland and Sydney I've never heard a person sound anything like this. Words like strewth are a kind of meme. I've never heard a person say that word seriously. Now it should be noted that the word cunt is ingrained into almost every single context. Especially if you're gonna be portraying characters which definitely represent the bogans of our country. Cunt is a special word. Instead of using words like yobbos just use cunt, but use variations.ie: stupid cunt, fat cunt, dumb cunt,etc. also
>bollocks
>go to buggery you fucking sprog
First of all I know this is an exaggeration but Jesus fucking Christ that is stretching. Also bollocks is a filthy pom word so don't use that. Anyway I just wanna say that your edits were actually really good it's just the vernacular is definitely not from a modern perspective.

>>87414945
Noone remember Norton, he were so early in the MCU. I like Marvel and so on but I had no idea that there was a Cinematic Universe coming when the Hulk movie was released.

>>87414975

Well, I knew it wasn't going to be perfect. I'll keep those in mind in future, but fortunately for me, there's never again another scene where Eva is speaking with another Australian and I think that she'll dial it back a bit when speaking to people from other cultures.

>>87397080
Pretty good so far mate.

File: edsfrghjknlm.png (211KB, 253x570px) Image search: [Google]

211KB, 253x570px

>>87414975
>Now it should be noted that the word cunt is ingrained into almost every single context. Especially if you're gonna be portraying characters which definitely represent the bogans of our country. Cunt is a special word. Instead of using words like yobbos just use cunt, but use variations.ie: stupid cunt, fat cunt, dumb cunt,etc.

For what it's worth... a tiny preview of one of the pages in issue 4. Way ahead of you with respect to that specific topic.

>>87415161
>cheeky cunt
>not nandos
u wot m8

>>87415198
That's a Brit thing, you absolute knob.

>>87408589
Most of the edits are Iceman being turned gay by a bored fujoshi because that's an actual fucking joke.

>>87414584
Because he likes to feel smooth.

>>87415013
I mean Tony did cameo in it in Nortons Hulk. However a shared connected movie universe was completely unheard of at the time. No one thought Marvel was actually gonna pull it off successfully.

Thor and Cap both had similar cameos and references building up to the Avengers but honestly aside for the first two Iron Man films the rest of MCU had medicore-to-average movies at best.

This is purely anecdotal mind you, all this shit is what I see in my multiple friends groups. No one saw how good Avengers was and many assumed it might be serviceable at best. Avengers CHANGED everything for Hollywood and Marvel.

Thats when Warner Bros. started scrambling to catch up with Marvel and thats when the comics began to prioritize synergy with the MCU brand.

>>87414772
See, that SEEMS logical but the GULF between Marvel studios and Marvel comics puts the lie to that. See Bendis's attempted cash in of Civil War 2 and his guess that War Machine'd die and that's why comics Rhodey died and how wrong that was-they're not even talking to each other.

The smart thing for Marvel studios to do is Bond it; have a new guy be Thor after a few years. We've had three Spider-Men and no one's batted an eye so that's already a thing that can be done.

Now that may absolutely be how Marvel's writers sold their shitty plan to the money guys.

>>87414945
>>87415709

Thats also when they stopped experimenting much with new characters and focused more on the Avengers, which no doubt was forced heavily by Ike.

I mean look at Phase 2, we have GotG and Ant Man. Both very good hits but the only two original films made by Marvel.

Dr Strange once again proved that Marvel should focus most of their attention on doing new things.

WIth BP, Spidey and Cap marvel coming up it seems like these guys have learned their lesson. It also helps that ike was kicked out.

>>87397080
>Emma already gave up on explaining "C-Men" to Scott

girlie, not everyone loves his stuff as much as you do.

>>87396942
Man, All-New X-Men and Uncanny X-Men were so good until everything turned to shit after Battle of the Atom.

How could Bendis, The Writer, fuck everything up so bad?

>>87417811
If I recall correctly, Battle of the Atom was supposed to be a collaborative effort between several authors before all the others got the boot and Bendis remained alone in charge of the whole thing. The whole process was messy and the resulting plot doesn't make much sense.

>>87417811

BOY OH BOY do I have a few things to say about that.

I've been reading and reading and re-reading the series, including BotA over the course of the last few weeks in really granular detail, and let me tell you, the "joke" we tell about Bendis ignoring continuity so much that he even ignores his own continuity? Staggeringly, thundrously true. There is so much which is bafflingly, utterly incomprehensible when held up to any level of scrutiny even in those early issues when Bendis was given free reign to do what he pleases.

When BotA hits, it gets ten times worse, granted; both during and after the event, and a lot of it seems to be Bendis lashing out against having been forced to collaborate with the one thing he hates most in the world: Marvel writers who aren't him.