ITT: The greatest quips

>>86538553
>In which Spider-Man mocks and beats a retarded person nowhere near strong enough to pose a legitimate threat to him

>>86538606
what's the problem?

>>86538553
Spiderman would have a lot less psychos if he didn't relentlessly mock everyone he fought.

he breeds grudges

>>86538803
He can't help it, he bullies people to cope with his low self-esteem.

Spider-man has a tiny dick

>>86538803
I like to imagine that if joker or riddler ever decided to take over new york they'd give up after Spidey relentlessly mocks them
Both of them have egos more fragile than Doom

>>86538553
More like Spider-JERK!

>>86538606
Yes, Spider-Man is a bully while he's fighting people he mentally justifies as 'bad people'.

This isn't a new discovery?

>>86539786
Go to bed Jonah

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>>86539105
I like to think Doom finds spidey funny and that's the only reason he tolerates him.

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>>86540839

The one where he falls on the chair and the villain falls in the pool and says "Really god!? Really?"

>>86538553
I need an issue. This is GOAT bantz.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhWeU491kYI

>>86539082
Get out of here Kbox

>>86539786
Talk shit, get hit. Just because some idiot is not doing a very good job of trying to kill you, it doesn't mean you have to take any of their shit.

>>86542136
I always love butthurt Osborn.

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>>86542171
And, honestly, if you are waving weapons around and robbing people, you are giving up some of the consideration that other people have to have for your feelings.

>>86538606
Spiderman is what happens when you give a bullied kid power. He becomes a bully to those weaker to him.

>>86541775
God I miss that show

>>86538606
Who cares? Ox is a douche, he had it coming.

>>86542383
>to those weaker than him
You mean to those weaker than him that also happen to be criminals.

>>86540839
>>86540851
Christ, I hope nobody ever lets Clevinger out of his little Atomic Robo / webcomic ghetto again.

"Yes, Brian, thank you for telling us how great Tesla was... again. Yes, Brian, we know you fucking love science. Yes, Brian, we know that Edison dicked over Tesla and also that Tesla was great, please stop telling us now."

>Spider-Man makes fat joke about Kingpin.jpg

>>86542274
He was too good for this, or any, world.

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>>86547789

>>86547736
in fairness that second screencap is spot on for both characters
Doom would correct even the smallest of errors and Spider-man would get a kick that he knew the answer to that so readily

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Makes me smile every time.

>>86548014
See, this is a really cool scene. Only problem is that the fucking Green Goblin figured out Spidey was actually Doc Ock before anyone in his everyday life that he's been close to for years did.

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>>86548044
But then that comic was capstoned by this shit.

People shit on Bendis all day around here, but he is 100x the Spider-man writer that Slott is.

>>86548140
Slott and Bendis seem like they are just burned out writing Spider-man, they've made some good Spider-man stories in the past, but that's long gone

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>>86547957

>>86548140
FUCKING NORMIE

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>>86548189
I think the problem is the Miles is not nearly as interesting a character as Peter. USM was amazing right up until Peter died even as the rest of the Ultimate universe fell apart.

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>>86548218
I've been creeped out by that kid since the 90s.

>>86548195
Look at Fisk's face in the last panel.

>>86540839
That's a fair assumption, but I think being a friend of Sue's who isn't Reed but is also rather intelligent helps too.

>>86545523
Yes, he bullies anyone who he deems as "wrong" or an acceptable target. That's what bullies do.

He's just bullying people who are already WAY over the edge

>>86548627
Go home tumblr

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>>86538553
Remember that time Spidey quipped so hard he almost got shot by The Punisher?

It was worth it.

>>86548636
>Spider-Man bullies bad people. Most bullies pick on what they see as "bad."
>FUCKING TUMBLR

Anon, are you retarded?
Bully is not synonymous with evil.

>>86548740
Insulting crooks isn't bullying them.

>>86548676

Yesss, I was waiting for someone to post this.

>>86548761
>They're bad people so it doesn't count.
If he just threw out an insult once in a while you'd have a point, but his whole thing is to incessantly mock, tease and verbally tear his opponents apart. The fact that they're criminals doesn't change that he's a bully.

>>86538606
The weak should fear the strong.

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>>86548195
>>86547957
616 Spidey is better.

>>86549111
It was at that moment that the Kingpin decided to store extra pants in the office, just in case.

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>>86549111
U Spidey had more consistent high quality, but that is a benefit of not having to keep going for 50 years with dozens of different writers.

>>86548676
>WHO'S A GIRL!

It's like his brain is processing all the facts to make the best quip possible. Love it

>>86549111
What run is this? This is the kinda Spiderman stuffIm looking for

>>86549361
He has radioactive quipping powers.

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Is this just a Spidey thread now?
Not complaining

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>>86550140
Even the villains sometimes got great quips in USM. This one is nice and understated.

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>>86548989
>but his whole thing is to incessantly mock, tease and verbally tear his opponents apart
Yes, that's very much the point. Peter explains this multiple times to people.

It's always been the case that so long as Peter makes his quips and jokes he's not going all out.

It's when he goes silent that you have to worry.

Case in point: when he does the black Spidey outfit after someone shoots Aunt May.

>>86548989
Were you bullied at school or something?

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>people think that spidey cracking jokes and mocking criminals is bullying them.

neo /co/ was a mistake.

>>86548140
I need this image edited, showing how Osborn run away.

>>86539786
>mentally justifies
Sure help that they're committing crimes and put other people's lives in danger.

>>86550214
If we agree, why the fuck are we arguing?

>>86550733
No. I'm just saying what it is. Saying it's not bullying is like saying Batman isn't a vigilante because he's always in the right.

>>86550759
>Thinks bullying is inherently bad.
>Calls others neo-/co/

>>86551193
Not really, the definition of bullying is way murkier than that of vigilantism.

>>86551222
You might be the most contrarian poster I've seen recently.

>>86551193
Verbal misdirection and goading is not the same as bullying. The intent, the desired goals, the personal power structures are different enough that while we can easily see they are similar and in fact confuse the two, proper observations show vast difference.

>>86550122
Guess that explains the burns.

>>86551315
Go to bed, Spiderman.

>>86551366
Thanks for the compliment.

>>86550759
>I put on a red and blue spandex to punch poor people in NYC so desperate that they resorted to being criminal
>The true criminals, corrupt bankers in Wall St is not my problem
>I don't kill so it's ok. All those internal bleeding, broken ribcage, brain damages, hope you have Obamacare

Mayor Guilianni has done more to clean up NYC than Spiderman

>>86551267
>Spider-Man is this thing most people would agree with. That's not necessarily bad.
>WOW HOW CONTRARIAN

The fuck?
If I was being contrarian I would say that he in no way resembles a bully and that you need to grow a thicker skin if you think the things he says are hurtful.

>>86550759
stop bullying me

>>86538553
I don't have but when Daredevil gives Tony a silver coin and calls him Judas

>>86550759
>I beat up and verbally abuse jerks because it makes me look good and feel good about myself.
>I sure am nothing like those jerks back in High School.

Motherfucker, I love Peter and he dindu nuffin, but he still totally engages in the same behavior kids like Flash did for similar reasons. The difference is that he's also being mostly selfless and saving lives in the process.

>>86538553

Ox has a point though. In fact Spidey comes across as quite insensitive here.

>>86539105
Oh God. They would, wouldn't they?

Nothing worst for self-proclaimed comedians and intellectuals than a heckler busting out insults faster than they can respond. Joker would especially go into "PLS NO BULLY" after going the first dozen or so bouts raging as Spidey relentlessly mocks him.

>"Hey, Riddler, did you pass the Community College entrance exam this time? I heard they were giving exception to Special Needs Villains!"

>"Hey, Joker, the comedy club called. They want you back... their janitor quit last week and they need someone familiar with crap."

>"Sheesh, no wonder you turned to crime. If I practiced YOUR jokes in the mirror every day, they'd put me on suicide watch!"

>>86550214

This certainly sounds like natural character dialogue and not a writer inserting his head canon directly into a comic.

>>86538553
post something with the black cat

Realistically between the carnage around the action and muffled voice, can anyone besides Spidey himself hear his quips?

I'd say the nervous headcannon is a better explanation. Tobey Spidey goes from nerd to quippy asshole. Garfield spidey goes from quippy asshole to quippy asshole. The current MCU Spidey though has justifiable quips out of nervousness

>>86552043
There is an issue where he is in a rush fighting one of the snake guys and he doesnt joke. The bystanders and the villain comment about the lack of jokes.

>>86552068
If memory serves, throughout the entire issue he's rushing to get to a date with MJ but he's busy doing all the super-heroing because the villains won't stop trying to steal stuff for more than 5 minutes so he can finally get to the date.

So instead of his normal quips and jokes he's super serious and just bodies a villain in a couple panels before leaving them to the cops. It's only when he gets to the snake guys mid-heist that he has to actually stay still and fight them, because there's more than one.

>>86552043
I think his anonymity in the mask helps make him more of a quippy dick too. Like he can say what he wants and probably finds that pretty liberating.

>>86551509
Cause Giuliani was able to do so much about bankers and stockbrokers.

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>>86552241
It's almost like he belongs on 4chan.

>>86544565
We all do, anon. We all do.

>>86551910
That DOES sound like Peter, though. And if you're going to argue about "headcanon" then literally every writer after Lee and Ditko has just been writing fanfiction.

>>86551620
The fuck are you talking about? These people are criminals, Pete doesn't give a fuck if he's "bullying" them.

>>86552365
>>86552241
>>86552043
So.. Gerald will be a super hero in Southpark soon?

>>86552435
Peter is a lot more like Kyle than like Gerald.

>>86552461
No no, I mean Gerald getting his own costume and shit since this season is supposedly related to Fractured But Whole.

>>86552492
Huh. I could almost see that.

And it spreads. Once everyone puts on masks, everyone tells the truth, feelings and political correctness be damned.

No wonder SJWs and fundies hate anonymity so much.

>>86552515
Actually, the funny thing is that SJWs and fundies themselves are just as bad as those that remain anonymous and stuff.

>>86538553
....this is why i always vouch for the villains...

>>86552423
For like the fifth time, nobody said it's a bad thing.

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>>86550956
The possibilities are endless. Did he run into an alley, jump down an open manhole, leap into a waiting escape rocket? It could be anything.

>>86551903
I feel like if Joker and Riddler dealt with Spider-Man, they'd deal with an exchange like these videos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rSBmOgpcDE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozDDYcyrCNE

>>86539105
>>86551903
We already know how a confrontation with Joker would go

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LikMS5gDDI

>>86552558
Ironic, isn't it?

The big difference, of course, is that SJWs and fundies pretend they're being some sort of savior by bullying people for not meeting their arbitrary standards.

We just do it for the lulz, which in their eyes makes us Satan.

>>86552863
How about all 3?

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I laugh every time and then feel slightly ashamed.

>>86553208
You shouldn't feel bad, it's pretty funny.

>>86548140
That was a back up, as much as I hate Slott that page wasn't written by him.

>>86553386
The arc finale wasn't written by Slott?

>>86551509
>poor people in NYC so desperate that they resorted to being criminal
Dude, his biggest nemeses are fucking rich sociopaths.

>>86538553
>too hard to spell
Actually funny quips for once.

>>86542383
What Peter does has nothing to do with fucking bullying. You've either been bullied way too much to the point of projecting or you have no idea what actual bullying is.

>>86552863
Jesus if you look at him for a few seconds he looks fucking scary. I guess it's the eyes and/or art style.

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>>86554557
The black costume is srs business.

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>>86554599
That picture will forever be six spider limbs away from being perfect.

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>>86553208
I feel like it was missing something.

>>86552863
I've seen an edit someone made with a jetski just out of frame

>>86553644

Sorry to burst y'all bubble but that post was clearly talking about the particular pic OP posted. Now tell me how outright demeaning a guy because he doesn't talk like a fancy college nerd is not a shit thing to do, or how both Spidey's banter and him ignoring the point Ox was making about class struggle make him the better man in that particular conversation.

>>86554679
Hue

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>>86554720
Maybe All-New Ox shouldn't be trying to murder people with big pieces of rubble if he didn't want his would-be victims to say unkind things to him.

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>>86554506
It's classic SJW/fundie logic - fighting back against your oppressor, especially by making fun of them, is bullying. The oppressor is never a bully, of course - their power is righteous because it comes from fists, not words.

>>86554720
Being bad with words is no reason to use your fists - especially when you attack first.

It's absurd to blame the guy using the pen for fighting back against the guy using the sword.

>>86554992
>You must be an extremist if you think something that fits the definition of bullying is bullying.

Please fuck off with your holier than thou bullshit.

Nobody is saying the villains are undeserving victims or being oppressed. Peter isn't being regarded unfavorably compared to them. Other heroes who mock or taunt aren't called bullies for "fighting their oppressors with their words" because insults aren't the same thing.

Peter acts like a schoolyard bully. He makes childish, sarcastic quips and corny, piercing observations. He is putting other people down nonstop to cope with his anxiety and low self-esteem. He's not WRONG to do it, but what he does is textbook bullying. And if they were rational, mature people, his villains wouldn't care. They're all childish morons who can't deal with childish barbs.

>>86554645
>rope
You cannot deceive me, Craven!

>>86555305
>He makes childish, sarcastic quips and corny, piercing observations
>what he does is textbook bullying
I guess standup comedians are bullies now too.

>>86554992
>>86555305
Most of the time, bullies aren't in danger of having their person or their friends and family murdered by the person they're bullying.
Outside America, anyway.

>>86555465
Famous historical bullies have included Oliver Swift, Oscar Wilde, Shakespeare, Edmund Blackadder and Winston Churchill

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>>86555305

> /co/ is still taking this bait

Holy shit.

>>86555474
Yeah, nobody would say Peter is wrong for doing it. He just does it. It's kind of the point.

Meanwhile
>>86555465
>>86555522
>>86555789
these fuckers continue to be butthurt that you could ascribe a term like bully to MUH SPIDER-MAN and refuse to actually refute the point.

>>86538606
>not realizing Spidey is and has always been an evil man trying and failing to be good

>>86557060
>That time he wanted to fucking murder Flash.

>>86557145
>all those "angry Spidey" moments where he tears somebody's face off or some shit

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>>86557145
It isn't Peter's fault that Flash had a glass jaw.

>>86548014
I absolutely love this.

One of my favorite tropes hands down.

>hero leaves or disguises himself or someone takes his place
>arch enemy immediately notices "new hero" isn't his good guy or immediately notices old hero is back

I think Joker and Catwoman do this a lot.

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>guys is kinda retarded so apparently he's not accountable for this actions
>Spider-Man shouldn't "bully" a guy who is trying to beat the shit out of him and throw a giant rock at him because hes way stronger

Are you guys upset because you too are kinda retarded and are projecting yourself on to the dumb OX?

>>86550759
"That show" is what ruined /co/. This thread wouldn't exist if "that show" never happened.

>>86557859
What show are you referring to?

>>86552173
No, he's talking about Avenging Spider-Man #11

>>86553386
That part was written by Slott. That was still part of the main issue.

>>86557477
>Are you guys upset because you too are kinda retarded and are projecting yourself on to the dumb OX?
/r9k/ is backing up into all the other boards.

>>86547736
Hey fuck you Atomic Robo is great

>>86557921
It has it's own board because of how cancerous it is.

>>86558024
Pokemon?

>>86558039
You can't be this retarded

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>>86538553

>>86558074
Gundam? Monday Night Raw?

>>86558106
It claims that companionship can be mystical.

>>86558135
Macross? Power Rangers/Super Sentai?

>>86558135
... /tg/?

>>86558135
OOH OOH! MLP!

>>86558135
/soc/?

>>86558135
Oh, /mu/.

>>86558135
Are we guessing boards or TV shows?

/qst/? /jp/?

>>86555305
Jesus christ dude did your bully always wear a spider-man shirt when you were a child?

>>86542136
fukkin burnt

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>>86541538

>>86558166
Yeah. MLP ruined /co/ and I wish it never happened. Old /co/ was an actual good board.

>>86558500
Dont be a faggot

>>86558500
Everything was better in the previous decade. Get off my board young people!

Remember All Star?

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>>86550956
Someone made this one back when we were having threads about how stupid it was.

>>86558535
No u

>>86558235
>Immediate jump to Ad Hominem
Spiderfags are hilarious. You can't even argue worth a damn.

>>86558772
Anti-bullyfags are hilarious. You can't even argue worth a damn without citing fallacies.

>>86558278
I miss silly shit like this being in ASM instead of exclusively appearing in spin-off books.

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>>86554679
fucking saved

>>86558803
I'm not against bullying. Peter's one of my favorite superheroes. It's just dumbfucks like you who piss and moan when people imply he could possibly behave in a flawed, human way that disgust me.

If you think I'm wrong then argue your case. Otherwise you're as bad at problem solving as Spidey is.

>>86558866
>Otherwise you're as bad at problem solving as Spidey is.

Quips can solve any problem.

>>86558891
Alternatively, they end up with an old lady getting shot and you selling your marriage to Satan.

>>86558908
That was an out of character decision caused by a writer's poor problem solving skills regarding a problem that shouldn't have existed.

>>86558980
If Trump becomes president, will Joe Quesada get deported?

>>86559592
Moot point since it won't happen.

>>86552863
is this loss

>>86551903
Jesus, the Joker ones are top bantz.

>>86549287
Did he ever go One More Day on him?

>>86555305
Define bullying, then, because we clearly have different definitions.

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>>86558094

>>86548189
>they've made some good Spider-man stories

Name two. Each.

>>86558500
Fucking lol. MLP hasn't been on /co/ for half a dozen years. You did this to yourself.

>>86552043
>Tobey Spidey goes from nerd to quippy asshole

No he didn't.

>>86560493
for Slott, Big Time and Spider-Man & Human Torch

>>86542274
What the hell even is going on?

>>86554920
How did he broke his black costume?

>>86560378
>>86558094

I hope the fact Galactus can't fucking stand Thanos is always a thing.

>>86559631
If Trump says "Quesada's leaving the country. We're gonna make Spider-Man great again! He's gonna be back with MJ." I guarantee that he'll see a rise in the polls.

>>86560678
It's the cloth version

>>86560752
>He's gonna be back with MJ
who do I vote for to get him back with Felicia?

>>86560781
That would be Bernie Sanders. So you can't. Hillary wants Gwen back.

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>>86560794
then clearly the only solution is to assassinate all the other candidates so bernie wins by default

>>86552262
You'd think he'd just point out 'I'm aware he's real. He exists, I've interacted with him and seen others interact with him. That doesn't negate the fact that he's a robot. Sapience doesn't negate that fact either.'

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>>86538553

>>86561189
Saved

JLI had some good quips.

>>86560625
Spider-man stopping a robbery. Because he's a superhero.

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>>86558649
Yes, exquisite.

>>86558649

Tip top fucking kek.

>>86548044
>See, this is a really cool scene. Only problem is that the fucking Green Goblin figured out Spidey was actually Peter Parker before anyone in his everyday life that he's been close to for years did.

Osborn has had a history of knowing more about Spiderman than anyone.

>>86563741
Oi. I really didn't like how he was involved in bringing Aunt May back.

>>86547736
Fuck you buddy.

>>86560034
>"Your jokes are so bad I can turn on a David Spade marathon and be less bored."
>"I was thinking of naming you Chuckles. It's an ironic nickname."
>"Knock knock, who's there? Talent. Talent who? The talent that you don't have."
>"I think we can make a killing as a comedy duo. I'll be the comedy and you be the duo."
>"I don't think you're getting this straight man routine. I say the jokes and you laugh at yourself for being a failure riding on my talent."
>"Stop me if you've heard this one - oh, wait, I forgot who I was talking to. Of course you haven't! That'd mean you were funny!"
>"Come on, Clowney, you know we love you. If there was ever a place anyone in New York had to look for self esteem, it's with you. Who else can we turn to and tell ourselves: 'At least someone laughs at my knock knock jokes'?"

>>86538606
He's a threat to all the citizens around him, though.

>>86538803
The people he fights are usually villainous psychopaths trying to kill everyone or make peoples likes worse in some way.

>>86548140
>he's gotten away
Did he teleport away? Did Spidey have a glove that, while holding someone, prevents them from teleporting?

>>86542274
>spiderman intervenes at the gay pride

>>86560493
Entirety of Ult. Spiderman up to Peter's death.

I'll leave Slott to someone else.