Fantastic Four

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DOOM drives stick unlike those peasants with automatic. TO THE BAXTER BUILDING

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Up in the sky! It's the Fantastic symbol! That means weird shit has or is about to go down!

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I LOVE WATCHING MACHINES CLOBBER EVEN IF THEY AIN'T AS GOOD AS ME.

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Hey a giant 4 in the sky! That means I gotta go! But then I won't get to see the building collapse!

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Unless I play wrecking ball

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PAUNCH

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oshitoshitoshit it's gonna fall on me

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Mission accomplished! Nothing like denying a construction crew a full day's pay and ruining a perfectly good controlled demolition!

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AND THE WINNER OF THEDRAG RACE IS JOHNNY STORM EARNING HIMSELF A PRIZE TROPHY AND A KISS FROM OUR LOVELY DRAG QUEEN MS HARDWOOD

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The Fantastic symbol! Way to cockblock me guys!

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Torch on!

What? I'm experimenting with catchphrases.

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I'll take that trophy to go!

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Mr. Torch it's made from chocolate... oh nevermind.

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I love astronomy! With this turbotelescope I'll be able to see stars even in the daytime! What do you think, Tony Jay?

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That's amazing! But why did you break into my astronomy complex to construct and brag about a telescope in the middle of the day?

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BECAUSE I CAN. ALWAYS BECAUSE I CAN.

Oh there's that Fantastic symbol. Sue must be calling me she probably needs me to give her money for perfume or dry cleaning or vacuum cleaners or whatever it is housewives need.

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I gotta go! I'll take the shortcut out!

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WUZZUUUP

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Johnny: Why did you set up the giant 4, Sue?

Sue: I'm only going to explain it once so you'll have to just sit and wait until everyone's back!

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THANK GOD I'M NOT STUCK BEING LAST. I may not be the first here but I refuse to allow myself to be here last! My ego won't permit it!

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I'M LAST?! NOW I'M STUCK TAKING OUT THE TRASH FOR THE WEEK. THIS BETTER BE GOOD.

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Sue: So anyways, guys, this is Commissioner Chris. Chris, this is my husband, my lil brother, and a thing no one wanted.

Commissioner Chris:
Hi guuuuuuuuuuuuuys. I'm here because some guy named Doctor Doom flew into town today and I wanted to know what his fucking problem is.

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He flew in on his adorable little blimp plane and just landed in the airport unannounced or anything.

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And then get this! He stole a bunch of souvenirs from the airport gift shop and take off in a car breaking all manner of traffic laws! Some laws even NY cab drivers wouldn't dare violate!

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The police couldn't do anything because he has diplomatic immunity being ruler of some place called Latveria. He said he was going to come here for revenge after he was done dine-and-dashing and I figured I'd see if I could get some information that could be helpful. Could you guys fill me in?

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Dr. Doom's sole purpose in life is to be at best a minor annoyance to us and be inferior to me in every way.

NO ONE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MAGIC THAT DOESN'T COUNT THAT'S ALL ILLUSIONS AND SLIGHT OF HAND

Anyways Doom has it out for me for some reason. Why? I'm not sure. I'm so damn handsome and likable no one has a good reason to hate me

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*Ring Ring*

Reed: Sue! Get the phone!... AND STOP LEAVING YOUR DAMN CANDY SMARTIES ON IT.

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Hello? Oh Hi Dr. Doom! how are you? Enjoying your trip to New York? I'm fine, thank you for asking. Reed, it's for you. He says it's urgent.

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I wanna hear what he has to say too! I'll turn on the speakerphone!

>>84380237
>>84380263
>>84380292
So this particular episode was the one sampled for Operation: Doomsday, correct?

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RICHAAAAAAAARDS! I've plotted my evil revenge on you and I've decided now is the time! I'm coming to get you when you least expect it!

But the rest of you check out my Radio station sometime for the latest hits and my morning banter between me and Namor and occasionally doombots.

>>84379685
Ayyyy, you're back.

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Doom you idiot. Now that you've said you're coming I know to expect you! Not that I'd turn away a guest even if it is Doctor Doom! You're welcome any time.

>>84380344
I believe so, yes.

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N-NO! I'LL STILL SURPRISE YOU AND KILL YOU JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE! YOUR FRIENDS WILL GET TO WATCH TOO! I HAVE TO GO NOW. TOODLES

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So why did he threaten to kill you and just you? I want to write a biography on Dr. Doom so give me the juicy tabloid information I need to make that happen!

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Well I never pass up a chance to tell my origin story... pull up a chair and sit right there and I'll tell you a little story about how I went to college. Sue, Johnny, Ben, you have to sit and listen too. Make snacks or get a drink now because there are to be no interruptions!

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So it all began like this...

Hey! My name is Reed Richards but my mom calls me Mr. Fantastic! I like your outfit! Very fashionable! Want to hang out some time and do science over dinner or something?

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Victor: Peon! As if I, the great Victor Von Doom would ever be a slave to fashion! You're a fool Reed Richards and you have just made an enemy for life! Ta-Ta for now and forever!

>>84380363
Good to see you here too.

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DAMNIT REED! YOU CAME ON TOO STRONG! He'll never like you if you come off desperate! Well Mr. Victor Von Doom! I'll make you my nigga yet! Just you wait and see!

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Ben: Hey! I'm Ben Grimm! I was supposed to be roomates with some guy named Doom but he kicked me out! Can I move in with you?

Reed: Sure! I don't see why not. As long as you don't mind me doing science in bed at late hours at the night and you don't come if I leave a tie on the door that means I've got an experiment running and shouldn't be disturbed!

You, sir, are amazing. Keep it up.

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You're a football guy, right? I like physics so we're sure to be great together! Think of all the nerd/jock shenanigans we can have together! It'll be hilarious!

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So that's the story of how Ben and I got to be best college buds! Now let me tell you about the time put a small hurricane machine in the girls' bathroom...

Johnny? You doing ok over there? Need some coffee? I got a Red Bull in the fridge if you want it. I always keep overpriced drinks on hand.

Chris: Yeah yeah that's all well and good but what about Doctor Doom?

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I WAS GETTING TO THAT!

So anyways I didn't give up on getting to know Doom so one time I went to see him in his room...

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Hey! Doom! I was thinking how about you and me just the two of us have a science slumber party?! We could get drunk, dissect a fetal pig, see how far we can recite the periodic table backwards! It'll be fun!

Hello? There's no one here! Well I'm sure he won't mind that I picked the lock to break into his room.

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He has a Rube Goldberg machine in here?! That's so cooool! I've always wanted one!

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Doom: What are you doing in my room? Get out! OUT!

Reed: Well ok, but I see you have designs for a hair styling machine capable of doing both Caucasian and negro hair. That's a lot of power and if you don't check your equations a single split end could spell disaster!

Doom: OUT!

>>84380809
Yeah, science stuff :^)

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I've spent years on all the variables! Dandruff! Dry scalp! Oily hair! There's no way I could be wrong!

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Assistant! Set the machine to maximum afro! This test will make me famous! They'll call me Dr. Hairdo-om!

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AHHHHHHHHH OMG MY FAAAAAAACE

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So Mr. Doom, your insane crazed hair experiments made us the laughingstock of the college world even Chico State is mocking us. You're lucky that no one died but we're not letting you try again. As the Dean I've come to tell you that you're expelled.

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What? No! No! This is bullshit! No one expels Doom! I'll expel you!

>>84381026
>They'll call me Dr. Hairdo-om!
This whole origin story was conceptualized on that pun alone, wasn't it?

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I don't need you and your stupid college! I'll start my own college and make me the Dean! That'll show you and your shame of a college! You're so bad DeVry University puts you to shame!

>>84381102
Lol.

Le bump.

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This is all Reed Richards' fault! He's the one that gave me that stupid idea to pursue fashion! He's the one who made me try to prove him wrong! I'll KILL HIM FOR THIS! BUT FIRST I HAVE TO EXILE MYSELF TO ASIA FOR NO REASON

>>84381126
It the stupid device he put on his head, actually.

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Reed: Johnny? You awake? Need some cocaine? Meth? I got some hidden under the floorboards.

Anyways Doom wasn't done yet. Let me tell you how the guy ruined his face! I love that part!

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Ok Mr. Doom! Time for us to remove these bandages!

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Ack! You went from a 9/10 to a 6/10!

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RICHAAAAARDS! YOU TURNED ME UGLY YOU RUINED MY FACE! YOU TURNED ME INTO A VAMPIRE! I DON'T SEE MY REFLECTION!

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HE'S SO UGLY HE CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MIRROR AND A WINDOW

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Ablooblooo no one can see me again

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Yeah ok I get it he got ugly and blew his face up. But how did that get to him wearing an adorable metal suit of armor and running a country?

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So anyways after Ben and I graduated college we went to serve in World War 2 after Pearl Harbor. I'm gonna tell this story quick before some asshole comes along and retcons it!

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Reed: So Ben became the edgiest edgelord in the Pacific and killed hundreds of Japanese pilots Right Ben?

Ben: The best part was seeing the face of them kamikaze guys when you shot them down before they could blow themselves up!

I was also proud of making letter-openers of Japanese guys' bones and mailing them to Harry Truman!

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Ben: and Reed joined the special forces and was sent to fight with the French Resistance.

Reed: Yes, yes I did. With the French Resistance I didn't accomplish much and they were more symbolic than anything because the French Government had capitulated to the Nazis and eagerly cooperated, but no one in their right mind would give up a chance to kill a Nazi so I took the job!

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JOHNNY STOP FALLING ASLEEP AND LISTEN TO ME TALK ABOUT MYSELF.

So ANYWAYS after the war I had two goals

#1) Get a wife so I wouldn't have to cook, clean, or answer the phone ever again. That's where Sue comes in. Her life prior our marriage is unimportant.

#2) Build a spaceship and go to space

Man this is the type of shit that gets me up in the morning

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Well Sue! I've spent a lot of money on a space ship and I married you even if it means letting your little brother hang around all the time but we need a pilot for me to order around to fly this dangerous untested thing!

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Sue, you can't pilot because you're a girl. Johnny? I don't trust your competence. I know! I'll go ask Ben! He was a fighter pilot and a fighter pilot and astronaut is basically the same thing!

>>84381557
Glad you like it.

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Reed: Ben? Will you do it? Will you firmly guide my rocket into space?

Ben: I got nothing else to do today!

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All systems gone!
Prepare for downcount!

Five, four, three, one!
Off blast!

Fly away in my space rocket
You no need put money in my pocket
The door is closed, I just lock it

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Reed: Ok! I've designed special helmets for everyone! I'm number!, Ben is number 2, Sue in number 3 and Johnny is number 4!

Ben you're pilot. Sue, you're secretary. Johnny... you're whatever else I need you to do. Shut up and look pretty.

>>84381701
Wat?

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Number 1! We've reached terminal velocity! Heading for space!

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Re..number 1! There's some weird colors on my display and buttons are flashing. Is that bad?

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That must cosmic rays! Everyone brace yourself for a massive amount of radiation!

>>84381767
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp_PIjc2ga4

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RADIATION?! WHAT DID YOU SIGN ME UP FOR?

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It's probably nothing you big baby. Everyone get ready!

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#1! Help! My mitochondria is feeling ... sooo.... HOT

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ARGHHHHHH MY MIIIIIIIIND COSMIC RAYS YOU ARE DRIVING ME INSAAAAAANE AHHHHHHHHH

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See space he says! It'll be fine he says! I'd rather be home watching football! I feel like a million pounds. Fuck this, I'm aborting the mission and switching to autopilot.

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Whoa! It feels like I'm not here at all! Like I blazed everything at once! Does anyone else taste blue?

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That's it we're going back to Earth where it's safe!

>>84381879
Oh jeez, I remember this from some Volkswagen commercial or something. i didn't know there was a full song.

>>84381943
Okay, this one I get.

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WHOOOOOOSH

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Reed: ABANDON SHIP ABANDON SHIP SUE KICK THE DOOR DOWN AND LEAD THE WAY BEFORE ALL THE C4 I BROUGHT UP HERE EXPLODES

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Only fire lives here now

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Reed: We made it! Everyone looks ok... no cuts, bruises, cancer. Status report?

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Reed! Honey? I feel more invisible than normal.

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My hairline's receding! NOOOOOOOOO Someone get me hair extensions! STAT

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It's getting worse!

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Look at me! I'm a monster! A MONSTER! WAAAAAAAAH! NO ONE LIKE AT ME! I'M GOING TO GO WANDER AROUND ASIA FOR NO REASON!

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Reed: Ben no! You're going to be labeled a sex offender for sure if you do! You're wearing nothing more than your lucky blue speedo!

Ben: Hey it's like you're taffy.

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Guys? Oh nevermind. This is fine.

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Reed: it's clear we've all been given these wonderful powers for a reason! Now either we drive around in a van and solve mysteries or we fight crime as the best team of four there ever was! Who's with me! Lets put our hands together for FRIENDSHIP

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Reed: Finally! A reason to make my Mr. Fantastic name official!

Sue: I'll be the invisible girl cause that's my power!

Johnny: This is awesome! I'm the Human Torch now!

Ben: I'm NOTHING. I'M HIDEOUS! A - A - A THING.

Reed: That's perfect! You're a thing!

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Sue: So that's when he named us the Fantastic Four after himself.

Chris: BUT WHAT ABOUT DR. DOOM THAT'S WHAT I CAME HERE FOR!

>>84380110
>and a thing no one wanted
This was so sudden and out of place in the film, it made it even funnier

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Did someone mention me? I've been waiting here right behind this door the whole time!

I've grown beyond you Reed Richards. Insult me all you want but nothing will phase me.

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If you insist.

Doom, yo momma so stupid she can't calculate pi past 10 decimal points

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HOW DARE YOU RICHARDS YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT WITH YOUR LIFE. MY MOM WAS THE SMARTEST WOMAN I KNEW!

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I'm gonna shut this metal nerd up. Any objections?

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Thing! I came prepared! You can't shut me up so easily!

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You all have to hear the rest of my origin story! It's only fair! I've been waiting so long to tell it to someone! Ok?! Time out from the fighting!

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So anyways! I walked around Asia looking for a reason to live until I collapsed because a nerdy white man can only brave the elements for so long. Some people found me and took me in.

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They practiced a lot of magic in their spare time and they taught me their tricks after I gallantly pestered them into saying yes!

>>84382581
He looks so sad and tired.

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I learned tricks and spells like the ability to summon and converse with skeletons!

>Murray?

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Eventually I got so good at magic that they decided to make me their leader. That's how the occult works just so you know!

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Having nothing better to do, I decided to ask them to make me a suit of armor using their decorative pizza oven.

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I had the finest tailors make me the greatest miniskirt/cloak combo of all time!

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The final piece was the mask! To strike fear into my enemies!

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Then I went and conquered Latveria and started an online college campus program and gave myself a doctorate degree in Women's Studies and so Dr. Doom was born!

Then I decided to conquer the world!

>>84382761
Yes

Fear

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Sue: But why did they make your suit of armor so adorable?

Doom: IT'S NOT ADORABLE IT'S TERRIFYING!

Reed: Can i be excused to use the bathroom?

Doom: NO YOU MAY NOT. YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE BEFORE DOOM STARTED TALKING

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Now Richards! This is the part of the story where you die!

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Not so fast Doom! My arm is faster than your second amendment rights! YOINK

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Doom: Plan B! I kill the girl! That'll show you! I have a pew pew laser in my gauntlet and I'm not afraid to pew pew it!

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Doom: Why are you smiling?

Reed: Oh one of these days we'll look back at this and all laugh. Doom you're a real card!

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*shove*

Doom: heyyyyyy!

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A forcefield?! Drat the luck!

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FINALLY! AT LONG LAST! CLOBBERING TIME!

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If I can't kill you then I'll steal the ICBM you have in this building!

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TEHEHEHEHEHEHE

Exit! Stage Right!

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He's getting away! And no one offered refreshments! Offer him some before he thinks we're poor hosts!

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Ben: He's locked himself in the missile room! I can't get my fingers in the cracks!

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Johnny: Reed designed this building too well! I can't burn my way in!

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Imagine everyone's faces when I come home to Latveria in the Fantastic Four's own ICBM!

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Ahahahahahaha!

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Sue: Reed! He got away!

Reed: Oh well. He won't get far. I was working on the guidance system this morning.

Thing: Why you got a ICBM anyways?

Reed: Some people work on cars! I work on missiles! I fire them at Tony Stark's tower every now and then and watch him scramble to stop them! It's fun!

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Doom is so great! I really showed Richards!

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...

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Welp Down I go.

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Reed: At least we get a good view to watch his death.

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BOOM

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Chris: Oh the humanity!

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So! Who's up for Chinese?

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Ben: Nothing like witnessing Doom's day to give you an appetite! Get it? Dooms day! Dr. Doom! Doom's Day?

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Johnny: Yeah We got it Ben. You've got a ways to go before you're a pungeon master.

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My puns? Not clever? Am I really bad at this?

>>84379859
Gold

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Oh no! I'm all pun in.


THE END

Thanks everyone it's been fun. Be back for more tomorrow with another Dr. Doom episode.

Some people mentioned they wanted previous episodes. I have them capped but I gotta photoshop them together. Imma get a bite to eat and then work on that and will post em if the thread is still up. I think I have all 5 full episodes.

>>84383567
Yeah I want to collect all the caps to show other people what happened.
And the archive is not something I can trust to stay there.

>>84383277
Fucking kek
Also bump

What these remind me of

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL750C0706557F5CA3

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Kind of a similar idea. Also similar to Radical Von Awesome's wonderous threads.

Well, I found episode #2 so I'll post it here. I know I put episode #1 somewhere...

If someone wants to cap this thread it'll save me some time. If not I'll get to it.

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I have episodes 1-4 saved. I did #5 Last Sunday but I can't seem to find it. It was the one with Super Skrull. Anyone able to find it and link it for me? I'd hate to lose it. It should be in the archives I'd think. Thank you.