Hey 4chan. I made my very first comic. Now tell me why it sucks.

>>84352633
You're aping The Oatmeal.

Works better without the dialogue. Bretty gud tho, can relate.

>>84352633
If you remove the dialogue boxes it becomes higher in quality due to the reader's imagination filling in the blanks.

>>84352633

Looks like a half assed Oatmeal.

As such, it goes without saying that it isn't funny.

File: 1464824598181.gif (2MB, 245x281px)

2MB, 245x281px

>>84352633
>>84352667
>>84352669
No 4chan circlejerk, but yeah the dialogue isnt needed, at least the top isnt.

can't relate for obvious reasons but I laughed

maybe more dialogue for the octopus, and make the sand below water level black instead of blue

>>84352654
>>84352686
>>84352633

Yeah I hate to say it OP but I thought it was the Oatmeal at first.

But you CAN draw, obviously. You just need to find your own style.

>>84352633
Did you just take a strip from The Oathmeal and slap your name on it?

>>84352633
Only speech should be come closer

99%of web comics are better with the least amount of dialogue possible.

It's OK.

It scratched my "that's why I'm afraid of the water" fear.

Pat, is that you?

>>84352633
I like it. But I don't read The Oatmeal, so I guess my opinion is invalid.

>>84352633
Don't try to draw/write like The Oatmeal. It already exists, so why would we need another one?

What the fuck is Oatmeal?

Is this a troll post? This is definitely by the Oatmeal but I can't find it on his site.

>>84352633
You're comics is very bad because it's inconsistent, there are no deepness, no subitlity, if i make a deconstruction about this comic i notice you work is very impersonnal, because we can't have a real identification with the characters, there are no complexity, patrician people doesn't read """"comics"""" like that, it's also a "genre comic" so a very mainstream thing with lazy writing, edginess and tryhard, only people with no tastes and who can't understand the true meaning of deepness like that, this is so inconsistent.

>>84352633
It breaks my suspension of disbelief show why the kraken can't just reach up and grab him

>>84352633
Wow this was painfully mediocre. Are you going to be making comics exclusively so reddit users on facebook can share them on their walls?

Post it on /r/funny and get 2000 upvotes.

>>84352633

Lose the header.
Replace setup with: Where I went.
Lose the dialog.
Change second set up to: What I expected.
Lose the dialog and the teeth.
Add last set up: What I got.
Make third panel: Character is now surrounded by algae, covered in shit, perforated by drug needles and has a giant mosquito with zika written on it's abdomen biting him.

>>84352633
Forget the angry fags OP. I like it.

Just take out most of the dialogue and text. Maybe keep the title and the anon shouting in happiness. You need something in there at least. But scrap the rest and your golden.

I see why you've added the squid talking - something may be needed to 'land' the joke. But I'm not sure it adds anything.

>>84352633

Okay.

> Derivative, uninspired art
> Way, WAAAAAY too much text ruining an already weak joke

Comics are a visual medium. You should tell a joke in as few words as possible. The less text, the punchier it is. The comic is not a goddamn blog. We don't need to know "Why I hate the beach XD!" Remove that. Remove the dumb explanations of "Swimming at the beach should feel like this but all I can think about is this XD!" The octopus thing doesn't need to be giving that big flowery dumb as fuck speech explicitly explaining what it's going to do, remove that. Hell, in fact, the guy doesn't need to be sayign "Hooray sand and water!", that's retarded, and you only put that text there because you didn't do a good job SHOWING via the art that the guy is happy to be at the beach.

In fact, this would probably work better as a 3 or 4 panel comic without any words at all.

Setup: Guy working boring job or doing something he obviously likes, he gets off, is obviously overjoyed and immediately goes to the beach, last panel is simply that that creature reaching up for him. Still a weak joke, but far punchier than what you have now.

>>84352633
It reminds me of oatmeal.

>>84353812
Loss edit when

>>84353832
Actually - this anon >>84353780 had a good idea for a punchline. Maybe something like this.

This is all great feedback. I obviously dig The Oatmeal and it has influenced this comic - way too much obviously. I'm hoping to find a more unique style with more practice.

One thing I can count on from the Internet is brutal honesty, so keep it coming. Only way I'll get better.

>sketchyCrab
>MC not a crab
first mistake

>>84352633
Either remove the dialogue in the bottom panel, or remove it in both.

>>84353812
Congrats, OP. You made it.

>>84352633
Same as what other people are saying. Human design looks too much like the Oatmeal. Dialog isn't really necessary and would be better without it. Good start though.

File: your loss.png (78KB, 933x625px) Image search: [Google]

78KB, 933x625px

>>84353977

Not yet he hasn't.

>>84353875
Ah here we are
>>84354205

The sad part is that this is your first comic and the art is already better than anything the Oatmeal has ever produced.

>>84354205

I don't know what this is, but I like it better than mine.

File: foolishdryskin.jpg (159KB, 625x790px) Image search: [Google]

159KB, 625x790px

>>84354205
was making one but you posted first
however this version is less minimalist

>>84355249

Damn, son. Dat shit is compelling.

>>84352633
I think it's pretty good. it reminds me of modern Jeph Jacques

>>84355249
Fucking kek. But replace the crtlaltdel by Tim Buckley with the Sketchy crab shit

>>84353183
Cereal grain soaked in boiling water

SJW pandering

... are we SURE that isn't The Oatmeal?

You're good at drawing, so why would you imitate oatmeals disgusting style? Just find your own.