In this thread: The most terrible powers you can think of.

>>80781571
Reverse telepathy

>>80781571

Saying the word "fuck" makes you explode like the Tsar Bomba. You only get to use it once.

>>80781609
Is that everyone else can control your mind or you can control your own mind because the second one sounds great.


gale force flatulence

>>80781775
It's everyone can hear your thoughts

Being able to fit any item, no matter how large, into your anus

>>80781571

You're able to shrink and that's it.

File: 1456556296583.jpg (70KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

70KB, 1280x720px

>>80781903

With all the giantess threads up right now some people might not find that one terrible.

>>80781812
OOOOOOOO yeah, that's rough. That is one of the worst.

File: 1455871857285.png (242KB, 446x422px) Image search: [Google]

242KB, 446x422px

>>80781812

wew lad

>>80781812
stop stealing ideas from Dexters laboratory.

>>80782024
Hah that's the part where he shoots himself in the head while cable is talking. Gg

Super speed, but without any of the required secondary powers that prevent you from tiring out/starving yourself to death/not being able to react fast enough to everything/having to use a long distance to slow down/getting heavily injured when you run in the rain/etc.

File: IM FUCKING INVINCIBLE.jpg (118KB, 584x622px) Image search: [Google]

118KB, 584x622px

Being invisible when no one is around you

>>80782100
You can't make me

the one where everyone forgets you if they arent looking at you

>>80782150
wow mystery men much?

>>80781571
the power to send your mind into a future version of yourself from 5 years, but you can't go back and you don't know anything your older self has done for the 5 years. Also the body will have a copy of your mind and live your life, not a coma sooo no easy explanation

>>80781812
If you were brainwashed/disciplined enough or had comrades who didn't give a fuck It could be pretty useful.

Imagine going on a stealth mission in perfect silence, broadcasting to the others in a predetermined code.

>>80782155
That could be both useful and a living hell.

>>80782205
Yeah but literally everyone can hear what you're thinking, including the enemy if they're in the vicinity

>>80782150
>never defined that robots can or can't see you
>burn fingers and feets so as to not leave a trail
>wait for it to be raining at night
>walk into nearly empty store with store clerk
>shoot his ass
>steal money
ez peasy

File: 1452012600666.jpg (17KB, 472x472px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 472x472px

The ability to always know what to say, but you can only say it 30 seconds later.

Walk forwards get taller, walk backwards get shorter.

You like tumblr

>>80781571
The ability to spit fireballs from your genitals.

>>80782602
Some people already have that. It's called gonorrhea.

>>80782647
See it's indeed a terrible super power

File: starros hillbilly cousin.jpg (233KB, 500x658px) Image search: [Google]

233KB, 500x658px

>>80781812

>>80782602
>>80782647
Up in the sky, is it a bird, is it a plane? No it's Acid Piss Man

The power to shrink your penis permanently.

>>80782297
>>never defined that robots can or can't see you>burn fingers and feets so as to not leave a trail

I'm just poking fun, here, but do you encounter a lot of robots usually? Also, wearing gloves and shoes rather than burning your hands and feet sounds a little more practical haha. Wearing a mask would also work, instead of murdering someone. The guy wont be able to ID you, and the cameras wouldn't pick up on you until the guy is locked up in a closet or blindfolded (assuming that your invisibility to the camera is dependant on if the guy is looking at you or not.

>>80781812
That's great, imagine being able to internally scream as loud as possible. even better, remembering some really annoying song, and runining the day of everyone around you.

File: image.jpg (10KB, 251x251px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 251x251px

>>80782647

File: txeTmpm.jpg (74KB, 567x446px) Image search: [Google]

74KB, 567x446px

>>80781571

>>80782992
This was so retarded, she would literally be more dangerous if she had just carried a knife instead.

The ability to fly, but only in a force 12 hurricane.

>>80782992
>"Look at me, I've screwed blades to my fingers. Am I a supervillain now?"
Just terrible.

Reverse magnetism

>>80781571
Anti-Healing.

Your powers will do everything possible to keep you alive... but any injuries inflicted on you will be preserved.

Ex.
If your hand is cut off, you won't bleed out but your hand won't grow back.
If you take a shotgun blast, your body will rewire your blood vessels and organs to keep you moving, but won't seal up the gaping hole in your chest.

>>80783217
Is it strong enough to deflect bullets or just enough to be annoying?

File: C__Data_Users_DefApps_AppData_INTERNETEXPLORER_Temp_Saved Images_family-guy-meg-2565.jpg (49KB, 1024x768px) Image search: [Google]

49KB, 1024x768px

>>80782992

>>80782850
>but do you encounter a lot of robots usually?
cameras/sensors I assume he meant
If no sensor could detect you so long as no person is actually looking directly at you, that'd actually be a pretty neat power.

>>80783034
The ability to fly, but only while aboard an airplane.

>>80781571
Reverse teleportation

The ability to read anyone's mind in a twenty foot radius, but doing so makes you violently piss and shit yourself for two minutes.

>>80782992
Seems like they'd be prone to breaking off and incredibly painful. Lemme guess... Heroes: Reborn?

>>80783553
Guess this works well in a porta-John during a big event. Or a public bathroom during a big event. Or in the woods, during a big event.

>>80783552
How does that work?

>>80783596
Professor X isn't a cripple, he just travels around on a custom made portable toilet for this exact reason.

>>80783611
I honestly don't know, I was just continuing with the reverse theme. Maybe it teleports everyone but you, or teleports a location to where you are now. Like, everything in a small area appears where you are now, so you can make a chair or carpet appear under you, or something.

File: 1439511898815.gif (490KB, 499x374px) Image search: [Google]

490KB, 499x374px

>>80781571
Ability to dislocate all your bones at will.

>>80783556
Agents of Shield.

The ability to morph while it fucks up your nerve systems.

The ability to win any argument but only in 4chan

>>80783768
It'd either be you summon things or small parts of places to you, or you instantly stop moving.
First one could be cool, second one would get you killed what with the earth's rotation and such.

>>80782855
And then not trying to think about embarrasing things you did but failing and letting the world know how much of a sperg you are

>>80783915
But that's a good power

>>80782855
You know you're a villain right. Like a really shitty funny for one issue then forgotten about villain.

>>80783881
No fucking way.

They couldn't think of any cool powers?

>>80783553
>go to the school bathroom
>do this
>???
profit

or just use diaper


>>80783768
but thats awesome
imagine all the things you can steal that way

>>80783845
world best contortionist

>>80783915
but this is best power

>>80783978
I don't think it's more like they could afford any cool powers

The ability to perfectly transform into any object, getting rid of your physical brain and leaving you unable to think

>>80783978
Apparently it's not even a power. She just had them attached to her fingers surgically. I have no idea why, or why she's a character at all, though.

>>80782855
Couldn't you do that already by talking?

>>80783978
That episode was to show all the people Hydra!Shield had ruined by putting them in prison/24/7 monitoring.

The pointlessness of her 'gifted' status is literally a plot point. Naturally, everyone here uses it for shitposting fuel.

>>80784072
Your vocal chords have limits. Your mind does not.

>>80783553
empty your bowels and bladder before infiltration?

ability to morph into a jew on a nazi convention.

>>80783881
Ouch.

>>80781571
Ability to shrink and never in reverse.

>>80784125
But at the same time, the people around you are perceiving the 'sound' through their mind aswell, which while it doesnt have vocal cords, also doesnt have any of the sensitive parts in the inner ear that makes loud noises painful.

>>80783611
You can any where you don't want to
> take me to Hawai
> Damnit, its the dmv

When you get aroused even a little your clothes disappear

>>80784260
This would be terrible except the one in a billion times that it would be awesome

>>80784245
But is it the DMV in Hawaii at least?

>>80783934
>second one would get you killed what with the earth's rotation and such.
Isn't it gravitation that keeps things on earth rotating? Yeah it's a while since I did physics.
I never got this idea that stopping => force of gravity no longer applies to you. I've seen people imply time travel makes you immune to gravity too. I mean, if you applied this consistently, to all fundamental forces, all sorts of crazy shit would happen before you even get to gravity. With no more hydrogen bonding, your entire body would turn to a mush of gas.

>>80784148
In the case of complete evacuation the body internally pulls poop from another dimension to keep the flow going.

>>80784342
hahahah

>>80784329
Regardless, if you come to a complete stop and the earth does not, whatever is west of you if gonna collide with you at 1,040 mph

>>80784227
I guess I didn't think that they'd be hearing it in their minds.

That'd be confusing and fucked up for everyone involved. Especially since if your thoughts weren't being audibly broadcasted you wouldn't even know other people could hear you.

>>80782155
That's actually the power of one of the most chilling Doctor Who monsters. They manipulated humanity for centuries and helped cause the moon landing. But then they also had hypnosis powers.

>>80784322
Yes but the second you walk out you transport to Ohio

>>80784526
But then, is there really any such thing as a "complete stop" in absolute terms? I mean, if you're not stopped relative to the earth, then what are you stopped in relation to?

File: Stainless-Steel-Vertical-Four-Sided-21Cm-Box-Grater-Cheese-Vegetables-Slicer-Grinding-Machine-Grater-Cutter-Kitchen.jpg (46KB, 499x497px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 499x497px

>>80784329
If some kind of cosmic force prevented any and all movement of your body, you might still be stuck to the earth through gravity, but you cant rotate with it anymore. Im not entirely sure what would happen, but i think it might be a bit like pic related.

>>80784647
That point in space.
>teleportation: instantly move
>reverse teleportation: instantly stop.

>>80781812
It's the plot of the manga Satorare
Some people have the power to broadcast their thoughts, but they don't know it. And people around them have to act like they don't hear their thoughts, in order to not cause them distress.

>>80781571
rapneno vision. Its like hypno vision that happens whenever you look into someones eyes. but instead of controlling their minds it just makes them convinced you raped them.
This happens automatically.

The ability to broadcast your voice through pieces of cheese.

>>80784830
But that is amazing

>>80784830
Fuck you. I could seriously make people on the Deli counter at work shit themselves. Plus I'd try a do a big booming voice as well.

Phase-shifting that makes you fall through the ground.

>>80785113
Poor guy on Batman Beyond

>>80781856
proxy paige seems to have this power

>>80781571
The ability to make any painful sensation inflicted upon you hurt 3-4 times more. It doesn't work if it's self inflicted.

The strength of two men, but not at the same time.

>>80782480
>tfw have this power already

>>80785209
but does that count the stamina too?
I'd imagine that'd be great for marathons.

>>80785221
i feel your pain, anon

>>80781571
Alright, OP. How about this? You have the ability to freeze time, including yourself

the ability to transform in a shota on a catholic church

>>80785113
>steal from a highrise
>descent until you hit the underground parking
>exit like nothing happened
It's like cutting out every heist scene by 80%

>>80785221
Shit man, I have it at like 2 days, how do I hone this power?

>>80785288
what, do you have like a trampoline at the bottom or what?
Also, you phase through everything, including your clothes.

>>80785259
No, just strength

>>80785278
what if we already have this ability

>>80781571
Being able to make to make everyone extremely horny around you. even if you don't want to. Also you're impotent

>>80785364
Fuck.

>>80785364
So the sexual magnetism virus from Red Dwarf then?

>>80785364
that sounds like a shitty Korean or Japanese webcomic or something

The ability to speak any language, but never to people with the corresponding language to the one you're using.

Also the ability to see through anything, forever, so you're just blind.

The ability to induce nausea and vomiting within a mile radius, but only when reaching a sexual climax with another person. Everyone is affected.

File: skunkman.jpg (262KB, 1700x2200px) Image search: [Google]

262KB, 1700x2200px

>>80781571
Skunk powers

Like when you're in danger you just start farting in self defense.

>>80785381
>>80785386
>>80785400
Would it be worse if everyone was horny around you or for you still with impotence

>>80781571
You have the ability to fly, but only on every second Tuesday, for ten minutes and you have to let someone shit in your mouth for it to work

>>80785414
>but only when reaching a sexual climax with another person. Everyone is affected.

Worth it.

>>80785490
How one gets to discovering this power in the first place is quite the circumstance.

>>80785414
>The ability to speak any language, but never to people with the corresponding language to the one you're using.
So does that mean you can't even speak to people in your native language?

>>80784830
>Now, eat your mattress!

>>80785541
You could, but only if they don't speak it.

the ability to reset the day when you die, but you don't know that, and don't remember anything.

>>80781812
I would want this power. I would walk around thinking about how sad i am and people would pay attention to me.

>>80785481
in where i live it would be a fucking nightmare. I would just kill myself and if my powers haven't gone with my dying i would just be thankful i wasn't alive.

Still be good in some places, tho.

>>80785473
kek

>>80785626
will that person die again in that day?

>>80785626
This was pretty much exactly the plot of the best recent episode of Doctor Who, except a little it longer than a day

the ability of getting doubles

>>80785649
oooh good call the idea of your power still active even after your death. Shit, we're getting at some Crossed levels here.

>>80785695
shit I haven't watched the most recent season!

The ability to have your dick fall off.

And you can't reattach it.

>>80785703
You can almost win at every scratchcard game now

>>80785731
Shit man go watch it. It has 3 or 4 stories that I'd say are absolute best in many years, since it came back even. Consistent quality overall too.

File: 1451302873842.png (167KB, 765x772px) Image search: [Google]

167KB, 765x772px

>>80785755
>PTSD of that fucking hentai

>>80785755
do you still feel it?
And ejaculation?

File: super power.png (33KB, 320x232px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 320x232px

>this thread

>>80785814
Nope, it'd just shrivel up.

>>80785144
Proxy's not even in the top three of her circle of friends.
She's got the cutest face though.

super adhesive skin
once you touch something it gets attaches to you 48 hours no mather what

>>80785692
According to chaos theory; maybe.

File: 222px-Flatman.png (158KB, 222x450px) Image search: [Google]

158KB, 222x450px

Does anyone here want to join the GLA?

unlimited hungry but limited stomach

>>80785473
I already do this

power to become a shadow but only in closed rooms at nigth

metal body.
once you turn in metal you cant move, nor breath nor go back to normal. Just become a statue of yourself

>>80785875
if you know somehow inside or you just think about that it was a real dream but once you are dying again you know all your deaths were real.

Hell, Bite the Dust sounds so innocent now.

>>80785896
It reminds me Famine episode in Supernatural. That would be just sick.

>>80782480
It'd be great for texting but that's pretty much it

>>80785817
>DWAYNE!!!

Perfect memory and recall, but it only works with the opening scene of The Dark Knight Rises

Bonus power: the rest of you memory gets steadily worse the more you use your recall powers

The power to turn invisible when nobody is looking at you and you're not being recorded by any cameras.

permanently turn into a lizard when you eat after midnight.

>>80785983
Well, at least you'll be remembered.

the power to poop only once a year but it comes out all at the same as a 60 pound load.

File: cis.jpg (106KB, 1280x715px) Image search: [Google]

106KB, 1280x715px

>>80786032
I already have this super power.

>>80786032
well that explains a lot
thanks baneposting you have literally ruined my life

power of making a random person somewhere around the world being attaked by a goose

The ability to make anyone fall instantly in love with you
It stops working the moment the person you used it on makes physical contact.

Power to turn your pancreas invisible for 10 minutes every week

power to confess your love to the girl you like unlimittles times but if she says something nice you jump back in time everytime and if she rejects you and break your heart time will go on

>>80782846
Looks like you actually have that power

power to hate people you dont even know

>>80785896
So... tapeworm?

The ability to sexually reproduce with ALL living things with immunity to contraceptives.

>>80783259
How the fuck is that anti-healing?

That's instant healing. You just don't get any Wolverine style regeneration.

>>80784086
>>>80783978
>That episode was to show all the people Hydra!Shield had ruined by putting them in prison/24/7 monitoring.
>The pointlessness of her 'gifted' status is literally a plot point. Naturally, everyone here uses it for shitposting fuel.

Wait, what?! Somebody posting on 4chan who isn't a fucking idiot?!

Knock that shit off!

File: always wear a condom.png (64KB, 926x352px) Image search: [Google]

64KB, 926x352px

>>80786334

Mida's touch

>>80786032
Excessive use of this power in the company of others who have it slowly alters reality to resemble that scene.

>>80786372
IMMUNITY

TO

CONTRACEPTIVES

CONDOMS

INCLUDED

The power to shapeshift into any species

OF BALLOON ANIMAL

>>80786410
that was more of a response to
>The ability to sexually reproduce with ALL living things
you know someone will fuck a horse.

>>80786357
S-sorry t.b.h. familiar senpai

>>80784329
>Isn't it gravitation that keeps things on earth rotating? Yeah it's a while since I did physics.

...yeah.

Earth rotates because of the primordial supply of angular momentum left over from when it underwent gravitational collapse.

It was a LOT of energy, like, enough to lift the mass of the Moon around a hundred thousand miles.

And even that well of energy is piddling nothing compared to the gravitational binding energy of the Earth.

File: squeak.jpg (148KB, 800x1200px) Image search: [Google]

148KB, 800x1200px

>>80786416

>>80784626
>>>80784322
>Yes but the second you walk out you transport to Ohio

...dammit

>>80783611
just look at Ryoga Hibiki.

>>80785286
>the ability to transform in a shota on a catholic church
>the ability to transform in a shota
>transform in a shota

...transform into what?

Also, pervert.

>>80786416
That's a fetish in some circles.

File: 20gocj6.jpg (93KB, 708x965px) Image search: [Google]

93KB, 708x965px

From National Lampoon

>>80781967
>You can't grow back

>>80784322
Nope, Russia

Every time you sneeze or yawn a thousand dead people rise from the grave.
Also you have hay fever and partial narcolepsy.

Worst power ever?

Everybody you love, even a little bit, falls in love with somebody else.

The ability to view /mu/ at any time.

>>80783552
Telelporting to where you already are

File: DJMHFFD1641773.jpg (15KB, 318x352px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 318x352px

>>80786634
There was a famous parody hero named Gazman (literally Fartman) in Turkey. I don't miss those ''nostalgic'' days...

>>80786634
Pretty sure there was a movie about a kid who could fly through fart powers.

>>80786726
Thunderpants.

>>80783315
>try to grab your keys
>they slide along the table and fall to the floor

>take fistful of change out of your pocket
>open hand to pay for something
>money ejaculates into your face

>>80786726
thunderpants?
it was on best of the worst.

>>80786704
But I already have that power.

>>80785755
DETACHABLE PENIIIIIIS

>>80786744
>>80786754
That's the one, never saw it because I hated fart jokes as a kid.

>>80785755
That's not an ability. That's an injury.

The ability to make people trip on LSD on contact with your skin.

And you can't turn it off.

>>80786890
You could get someone literally addicted to your touch.

>>80783217
Reverse magnetism is magnetism

File: gimp.jpg (14KB, 304x405px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 304x405px

>>80786890
No problem.

Basically Wolverine, except you can only extend a single adamantium claw out of your dick.

>>80786929
>addicted
>to LSD

That's like being "addicted" to weed.

>>80786948
>The Lust kill from Se7en

>>80786055
the metal is Cesium and it just started raining

Dont feel pain is a real life terrible superpower

The ability to draw or paint anything perfectly.
But the image has to involve the fetish that disgusts you the most.

>>80787047
Anyone who sees that is not going to forget it.

The ability to turn into any super hero, but only if you can make a thread on /co/ about that hero where everyone is kind and respectful to each other.

>>80786989
Psychological addiction anon.

Your hands become feet

>>80786451
damn physics you crazy

>>80787161
Just run at people and scream. There's bound to be some amusement in that.

>>80786941

in the thumb, looks like that dude has a schlong all the way to his knee

>>80786890
>Wake up
>Covered in hippies

>>80786054
yum yum

The ability to instantaneously exchange pants with anybody.

>>80787507
Buy a bunch of cheap shitty pants, go to a rich area, swap pants with anyone wearing designer pants, sell pants for a profit.

>>80782199
this

File: C__Data_Users_DefApps_AppData_INTERNETEXPLORER_Temp_Saved Images_1346784654_howard-stern-560-1.jpg (54KB, 500x509px) Image search: [Google]

54KB, 500x509px

>>80786634
There has been quite a few fartmen.

The ability to be able to hear the sexual thoughts of those closest to you including your grandparents.

the power to teleport to anywhere, but it takes you into a completely random location and it doesn't teleport your clothes with you

>>80787507
instantaneously? Damn. Does their stuff stay in the pockets?

>>80781571
The ability to make anyone do anything you DONT want them to do.

>>80781571
HAVE YOU GONE NUTS? LOIS WOULD NEVER WANT-

>>80787690
Any possession in either pairs of pants are sent to a pocket dimension inaccessable to you.

>>80785983
perfect way to kill yourself in the event you get locked up

The power to make anything smell minty fresh at the price of you smelling terrible for an hour after its used.

>>80786468
>working in outer heaven
>helping big boss prepare for solid balloon snakes arrival
>One mission: Protect the big man
>see friends suddenly fall and a gun shot is heard
Squeak
>start crying
>BANG

The ability to be permanently lighter than air. Anything you wear or carry becomes lighter than air as long as you have it on you.

>>80786372
sause plz

Dick fingers

>>80781571
The ability to make anyone and everyone explode into blood and guts by just looking in their general direction. You have no control over this.

You get hyper intelligence, but the solutions never come to you when you're presented with a problem.

>>80786948
is it clean and painless or bloody and painful, cause if it's the first than fuck a person you're trying is assassinate, lace your urethra with a deadly poison and inject them. if it's the second than if anyone tries to pull a Superior Spiderman and take over my life than they get a fuck you from me to them

>>80788308
use a blindfold and use this as the ultimate assassination to a president or world leader, than have friends to get you out of there while you put the blindfold on. Or become Daredevil with the Ghost riders stare ability.

The ability to fly, but it stops working if someone can see you

Whenever you pee it flies up into your face.

>>80788503
"Look, up in the sky! Its a man, falling! I swear he looked like he was flying! Everybody, look!"

>>80783915
But I already have that power

>>80786032
Literally all of /TV/ has been suffering from this power for 3 years now

>>80788750
No you don't

>>80788941
Yes I do :^)

The power to withstand any outside force. And redirect it to anybody else but you. The person you direct the damage to has to be one of the same genetic match to each of your chromosomes.

Regenerative powers but they only kick in when you're uninjured

File: apoc2.png (210KB, 477x300px) Image search: [Google]

210KB, 477x300px

>>>80789152
Our body does this already over time.

The ability to regrow a limb but it's never the same limb

heat vision but it only works 2 inches from your face

>>80789203
So I just hack off the regrown limb and it will regrow again into the proper one.

>>80781571
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3n04AY0XCfE

>>80781571
Self suicide inducement.

>>80781571
Invulnerability to the damage cased by lemonade on your eyes. You still feel the pain.

>>80789237
>never the same limb

son I have bad news....

>>80789408
Specifically lemonade, or any acid-based irritant?

>>80789016
by god he's done it

You can shapeshift into animals, but your mind is changed to that of an animal's too

>>80781571
The ability to transfer your most embarrassing thoughts and memories to another person upon eye contact.

It can't turn off

File: Peridot suit by jegc.jpg (128KB, 781x1490px) Image search: [Google]

128KB, 781x1490px

Spontaneous Involuntary Regeneration of damaged body parts through contact of the same part on another person (as in the same area).
The problem here is:
A) The person has to be alive. Touching a dead body will fuse necrotic flesh onto your injured area. Enjoy your gangrene.
B) You must come in contact with the specific part of the body that you want to heal. Like if you get shot, touching the skin only heals the skin over the gunshot wound.
C) Touching same kind of flesh, but in a different area, does nothing.
D) Regardless of your success, touching someone kills them instantly.
E) If you come into contact with someone while you have no injuries, you will develop cancer in the area you came in contact with. So most likely skin cancer.

the ability to shoot onions out of your hands

>>80782565
Sidestep and get fatter.

Handstand and get...?

>>80786176
crazy nudes though

>>80789517
Now you say transfer, does that mean I won't have them anymore?

Cause I could live with that.

>>80789480
specifically lemonade and only your eyes

>>80784010
Very Zen. Unless you can no longer change back since your brain is what allowed you to think about changing into that thing to begin with.

>>80789594
turned inside out

>>80785174
You'd make for an excellent soldier if you had a dedicated friend. Build up a good resistance to pain and you'd be incredible.

>>80785288
>hit the concrete at terminal velocity

>>80784010
What if I perfectly transform into a computer capable of sustaining my consciousness?

How about a self-repairing quantum computer, connected to an automated, self-powering industrial complex?

>>80789415
Arm or leg. Or, if you want to be more technical, left/right arms and legs. With a max of four options it will either start repeating a pattern or I'll just luck into the right one.

>>80785364
Work as a cameraman in porn. Rake in the millions when the genuine horniness you inspire leads to incredibly popular videos.

Alternatively, attend presidential debates and enjoy the fun. Or sell your ability to disrupt and embarrass people to the top bidder and again rake in the millions.

>>80789838
or discover new types of limb previously unknown to man

>>80789895
Oh, okay. I am become Yk'Lagor, world's foremost tentacle porn star.

Every time you sneeze, all the folicles in your body instantaneously grow 6 inches of hair.

>>80786176
>make billionaire fall in love with you
>have them prove their love for you before you meet
Too easy.

>>80786693
Raise army of zombies. Boom.

>>80786890
You'd make tons of money either illegally or through scientific research.

The power to turn big dicks into bigger dicks.

>>80788118
>pocket dimension
Heh

Madder you get, the weaker you get.

>>80789097
...what?

>>80790111
with the soft touch of your ass,

The power to jump ten feet high but only if you are ten feet lower then everyone else.

File: 018.jpg (24KB, 512x512px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 512x512px

Premature ejaculation at the most inappropriate times. You're still bound by your "internal cooldown".

>Yfw you'll forever be known as Premature Ejaculation Man

Yes I stole that from some SNL skit.

>>80790111
In what world is that a terrible power?

>>80790203
>be miner
>lag behind when people are climbing out of the mine
>everyone loves your neat trick and thinks you're cool
>can easily and quickly confirm if anyone has been left behind

The ability to understand what insects are saying.

Everytime someone sneezes you have an orgasm.

>>80790316
FOODFOODFOODGOTTAFINDFOODTENDAYSOLDMIDLIFECRISISGOTTAFUCKGOTTAEATFOODFOODFOOD

Bi-occurance; it's like bi-location but instead of being in two places at the same time you can exist in the same place at different times.

>>80790355
I'm not gonna complain about that.

File: can_you_taste.gif (2MB, 350x264px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 350x264px

>>80783417
this file name just blew my mind

>>80781571
X-ray vision that's always on.

The ability to see one second into the future.

>>80786381
Technically speaking, if someone had Midas' Touch and put a glove on, would they not trap their hand in solid gold thus "removing" the power more or less?

>>80790480
You could reliably call coin flips in the air.

>>80790480
Almost useful when you're crossing the road.

You can react for a .50 milisec if you see a crazy driver speed

>>80790519
You might as well cut your hand off because the numbness would not be pleasurable

>>80790480
It takes less time than that to punch or dodge. You'd be the world's best boxer with that power alone.

>>80790531
>>80790561
>>80790607
>seemingly bad power makes survivability and luck 90% better

Also adding if you're diffusing a bomb, you can probably see which wire not to cut.

>>80785695
>>80785731
>>80785804
I concur. Heaven Sent was one of the best episode in many years.

>>80784807

Bill Cosby's super power.

>>80790531
>>80790561
>>80790607
How 'bout this then, everytime you use the power, you instantly get diarrhea.

Ability to leap a tall building in a single bound but you still take fall damage

>>80790939
low blow, man.

Could use as projectile generation against foes.

The ability to sever your limbs the way some lizards sever their tails. The limb does not grow back, nor does the stump seal itself. The power is activated instinctively as a fear response.

File: 1458062364231.gif (2MB, 468x278px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 468x278px

>>80781571
Being able to clip through objects in real life

>>80790975
Damn GTA mods.

The ability to break every bone in your body. They do not heal.

File: what if lag existed in real life.jpg (9KB, 251x201px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 251x201px

>>80791154

Ability to switch places with your identical döppleganger from a parallel universe that is identical to this one.

>>80782155
Sounds pretty good.

>>80781812
In addition to the screaming thing the one anon mentioned, on a Psychotic person, this would be incredibly broken. Their messy, insane thoughts would disorient everyone around them. Would work with most mental disorders, really.

File: 1390017125640.png (13KB, 223x200px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 223x200px

>>80785832
And dat voice

>>80781571
Extremely Normal Man!

With the powers of being Supernaturally Normal!

>"I hope the Broncos won last night!"
Extremely
>"This isn't where I put my left sock!"
Normal
>"I'm sorry, but you have testicular cancer"
Man!

>>80781571
The power to know what everything you can see tastes like. Prepare to taste your own shit every time you go to the john. Ever wonder what you own semen tastes like? You will now. That fat chick in Wal-Mart? Now you know what her armpits taste like. Better stay away from dog parks and trash cans. And God help you if you ever watch TV.

>>80781571
Being able to switch minds with a dead, brainless skeleton stuck in the Paris catacombs. You can switch back, but it's a useless and depressing power.

File: 18541559-Business-man-rips-open-his-shirt-to-show-his-radiation-t-shirt-Stock-Photo[1].jpg (80KB, 1300x650px) Image search: [Google]

80KB, 1300x650px

>>80781571
>Radiation Man
>gives himself and everyone in a 10 mile radius cancer

R I P

>>80790111
And at the expense of your own dick size

>>80791344
You have the chance to do a major desicion in the parallel universe.
If it goes well then you can stay there, if not you can go back to your own universe.

>>80781571
look, it's [insert a cool superpower], but you know what, your powers only work when you are sleeping.

>>80782155
wasnt there an xmen with an ability like this?

>>80791564
>Prepare to taste your own shit every time you go to the john.
What, are you one of those people who deliberately looks at their own poop when they poop? I stopped doing that years ago.

>Ever wonder what you own semen tastes like? You will now.
But I already do now.

>And God help you if you ever watch TV.
I've licked LCD before.

>>80785630
I would project my depressing thoughts throughout the world and make people commit suicide.

File: livsmug.jpg (25KB, 337x341px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 337x341px

>>80782992
KEK

>>80791602
that's an actual character

>>80781571
You have any* super power you want but can only use it for evil and have cartoon villain stupidity.

*Offer does not include super powers that negate the stupidity or luck based powers.

File: I8QlqUVh.jpg (114KB, 1252x1252px) Image search: [Google]

114KB, 1252x1252px

>>80781571
being yourself

File: worf-1024x759.jpg (82KB, 1024x759px)

82KB, 1024x759px

>>80791344
>>80791344

>>80791602
So, 25% of the posters on 4chan have this power?

>>80791651
No, your identical döppleganger is i d e n t i c a l to you. And the other universe is the same as ours, exactly at the same timeframe. Whatever you do, your döppleganger will do in the other universe simultaneously. Then if you switch back it will be both at the same time.

>>80785626
BITES ZA DUSTO

>>80781967
S-source?

>>80785414
>you're just blind
that is a shitty superpower

The ability to permanently forget you ever had this superpower.

>>80791746
I want the power to always have a good night sleep though.

The power to sexually satisfy anybody,
But you have no way to experience sexual gratification yourself.

>>80791887
never noticed the dark splotch on the lower right

>>80787671
mostly awkward but probably at least somewhat helpful in bars

>>80792146
That's something a good samaritan will have.

>>80785755
this already exists dude. Ever heard of leprechauns?

the power to instantly know what people hate about themselves

you only have this power when you are feeling the same way

the power to always know where money is when you are unable to take it

power doesnt work on people you're willing to rob, or say in locations you could come back to and access later (only if you could forget where the location is)

>theres a treasure chest 20 feet below me! but ill never find it again in this forrest awwww

>>80792000
>that is a shitty superpower
/thread.

>>80792886
Would be a great helping others good samaritan power

>>80782155
I've read that fanfiction.
Was pretty fucked up.
though, that version might have been worse than that, i think it could happen on a timer as well.

>>80781812
This is something im constantly paranoid is already happening to me

>>80782480
>use texting, instant messaging, and stories to cause world piece.
>nobody knows your face
>nobody even knows your real name
That actually sounds pretty cool.

you could be the two siblings of Ender.

>>80784830
do you know how much cheese people have/how much cheese there is?
At the very least quite a few would have a frozen pizza or something.
>start ability
>demand money to be transferred into your account
>refrigerators within range of your ability have muffled voices coming from them
>the deli isle is now a testament to your greatness, booming out your voice to hear, potentially deafening people

>someone who just had nachos for lunch discovers their stomach wont stop talking
>something is talking from inside their stomach
that's a pretty sick villain power.

>>80785414
>speak long dead languages while someone records you
>rake in dough for uncovering said dead languages
>read book in whatever language aloud to a baby (or if that's not fair, just someone who only speaks english)
>make it come out in any language you want
congrats, you're now an audiobook creator and a translator at the same time.
I've got nothing for the others

>>80785809
the one where he turns into that picture of some random black dude at the end?

>>80781571
Having an IQ proportional to the volume of urine in your bladder. You get smarter the worse you have to piss, and every time you relieve yourself you become a borderline retard.

>>80782155
kuudou from medaka box

>>80791463
I know right?

>>80782992
Like a very low budget Molly Millions

>Future vision
>when it already happened.

>Make any woman/man fall in eternal love with you
>they turn into the most disgusting, horrible, obnoxious, loud and bitchy person ever when you are horny.

>Make any object on the world appear in an instant
>inside your skull.

>Cure cancer
>by stabbing yourself.

>Shit gold bars
>12.4 kg bars

Reverse super speed.

>>80794293
>Make any object on the world appear in an instant
>inside your skull.
This just means I don't have to wait for headache medicine to start working.

>>80794346

i dont think that works that way dude

Heightened senses.

But only when you're asleep.

>>80785809
sauce man

>>80794342
So the ability to go slow? That's pretty neat, I've wanted to take things easy, to beat stress

>>80794383
Because...?

>>80784807
I'm a white male. This is my life.

Flight, but only underwater. Half as fast as you can swim. And if you try to speed up by making any remotely swimmy motions, you shit yourself unconscious.

The ability to warp reality... But only for things you have complete apathy towards, that don't effect you in any meaningful way.

>>80789835
>mac

>>80789980
>donates to locks of love every day

>>80791821
Dr Manhattan?

>>80790399
It would get old.

>>80790408
Hah I'm using windows mobile. It names every pic I save like that. :/

>>80791471
I like how you wrote that.

>>80791787
I'd get used to it I'm sure.

>>80792773
That works. I'll take it.

File: C__Data_Users_DefApps_AppData_INTERNETEXPLORER_Temp_Saved Images_bender_bending_rodriguez_by_car0003-d5tdyps.png (149KB, 682x1170px) Image search: [Google]

149KB, 682x1170px

>>80793779
I think I could handle that.

Because you don't put objects into your skull for pain relief >>80794696